The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 05.22.09

Hi there, and welcome back to the Friday FreeThinks.

What a long, strange, trip it’s been for the wrestling world this week — especially if you’re living in Denver or Los Angeles, huh? Needless to say, we’ve got plenty to discuss, so let’s cut the jibber jabber and get down to bidness, yes?

Rock & Roll.

The SELL of the week goes to Christian, who took an otherwise forgettable scuffle of a bump from Jack Swagger and turned it into a lynchpin of in-ring psychology. At the top of this week’s ECW broadcast, The All American American informed viewers that he was none too pleased about how Christian had “cheated” his way to retaining the ECW Championship at this past Sunday’s PPV. After being forced out of the ring, Swagger confronted the current ECW Champion with his frustration by giving Captain Charisma a quick shove as he made his way up the entrance ramp (at which point Christian “tweaked” his knee). But in the spirit of a selling machine, Christian didn’t just shake off Swagger’s ambush and go about his regularly scheduled match-up against Paul Birchill as if nothing had happened. Instead, he sold the knee “injury” throughout the duration of the contest (and even after the final bell had run), which gave Birchill an opening (and an actual chance at remaining competitive!), and kept Swagger’s name (and his villanous deed) at the very forefront of the audience’s mind. Bravo, Christian.

The TELL of the week goes to Monday Night RAW’s Divas Battle Royal, which was absolutely loaded with flubs from top to bottom. As a general rule, you *know* a company doesn’t have much faith in their performers whenever they book a battle royal to be contested under “just push ’em out of the ring however you can” rules. Sadly, this bout did zero to inspire any faith that the red brand’s women’s division would soon be improving, as fans were “treated” to some of the slowest, sloppiest and most flagrantly telegraphed eliminations in recent WWE history (well, that is, unless you count the time where Monty Brown threw himself over the top rope during that ECW battle royal). Sorry ladies, but this was an absolute disaster.

New and/or newly returning performers or events of the past week.

Ric Flair – The Nature Boy Ric Flair made a surprise return to WWE programming on Sunday night’s Judgment Day pay per view, where he ran down to ringside to assist an outnumbered Batista after The Animal picked up a disqualification victory over WWE Champion Randy Orton. Though he is not a contracted performer, The Nature Boy has appeared as an onscreen talent on a number of occassions since his “retirement” storyline concluded on the Monday night following last year’s WrestleMania.

This story is covered in complete detail below.

David Hart Smith – The son of The British Bulldog made his first “official” match since redebuting with WWE on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast, where he was victorious (thanks to some handy outside interference from his Hart family cohorts) over ECW’s resident badass, Finlay.

Adam Green – local talent Adam Green made a one-off WWE appearance in a losing effort against Zach Ryder on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast. Green is not believed to have signed a long-term WWE contract at this time. (YOU KNOW IT!) And yes, for those (five) of you who missed the past several weeks of WWE programming, Zach Ryder has officially made the complete transition from “Edge’s Lackey” to WWE’s full-blown answer to the “My New Haircut” guy:

Serena Deeb – Ohio Valley Wrestling women’s wrestler Serena Deeb was briefly shown wearing a black dress in the backstage area of Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast as Finlay made his way to the entrance tunnel. Deeb is a contracted member of WWE’s developmental program, but no official date has yet been announced for her debut as a regular member of the company’s main roster.

Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.

The “Great American” Bash – News broke this week that this traditional WWE summer pay per view will indeed be going ahead as scheduled on June 28, but it will have to do so minus the words “Great American,” which have suddenly (and perhaps inexplicably) been dropped from the show’s name.

Word ’round the webs is that “The Great American Bash” is being re-branded in order to shy away from the typical U.S.-themed moniker in order boast a greater appeal to international markets, where WWE programming and pay-per-views continue to thrive in spite of a fledgling economy. Though “The Bash” is probably the single most uninspired WWE PPV name in history (though I suppose “Extreme Rules” comes close), the bottom line is that the show’s name wasn’t really bringing in the crowds or signifying any one theme in particular — so I could see five other possible reasons why WWE made the decision to axe it and move forward with a name change:

1) “The Great American Bash” – is the sole remaining holdover PPV name from WWE’s chief competitor in World Championship Wrestling. With an upcoming DVD release detailing the rise and FALL of this same promotion, touting a show that’s named in honor of a dead company probably won’t do its buyrates any favors.

2) John Bradshaw Layfield — WWE’s now-retired answer to the stereotypical loudmouth American bully — was largely responsible for the (onscreen) naming of this event, which he so frequently reminded audiences was “HIS” show. Now that JBL is out of the picture, there’s really no need to shill an event associated with a performer who’s no longer wrestling (‘sup, Smackdown?).

3) By dumb luck or clever coincidence, it’s no secret that WWE’s installments of The Great American Bash PPVs have — almost without exception — consistently ranked among the company’s WORST pay per views each year. This is a small change, but perhaps renaming a show with such a lousy track record will be the first step toward breaking from a long, stinky line of tradition.

4) Historically, The Great American Bash PPV was timed to capitalize on the “All American” motif and coincide just about as close to the Fourth of July as possible. In recent years, however, the show has jumped all over the summer months (as early as June 27 and as late as July 24). As this week’s snafu with the Denver Nuggets has shown us, it can be kinda tricky booking an arena for a specific weekend each year — and shedding the Independence Day-inspired name definitely frees the show up for some more flexible scheduling in the future.

5) This week, WWE Universe subscribers were given a survey asking them to decide on the possible name for a future WWE submission-themed event (more on that below). By nixing The Great American Bash’s name from their calendar, perhaps WWE is just using “The Bash” as a placeholder moniker until they make a final decision on what all to call this entirely submission-based PPV, which we could be seeing as early as next month.

Performers injured or suspended in the past week.

None – In a welcome development, no performers were added to the disabled list in the past seven days.

Performers who’ve landed in hot water over the past week.

None – In a welcome development, there has been no word of performers who have run afoul of their employer’s good graces over the past seven days.

Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.

Monday Night RAW – scheduled for this coming Monday night, was moved from its scheduled home in Denver to the Staples Center in Los Angeles. The move came on the heels of a much-ballyhooed flapup earlier this week, when it was announced that the Denver Nuggets would be excercising their “home court advantage” on Denver’s Pepsi Center and ousting Vince McMahon’s flagship broadcast from the arena for Game IV of the NBA Western Conference Finals — despite the fact that the WWE crew had actually booked the arena several months before the Nuggets actually secured a home game.

In the back-and-forth media war that followed, WWE managed to snag a tremendous deal of free publicity out of the Nuggets’ inability to get their paperwork in order. And this, in turn, translated to a boatload of positive press for the typically media-savaged wrestling industry. After all, when mainstream media outlets like ESPN, MSNBC, and CNN are reporting that WWE was actually *in the RIGHT* over a contract dispute against a legitimate sports franchise? You just KNOW that somebody outside of the WWE ranks must have screwed up big time.

Now then —

The ultimate resolution here saw WWE caving to the NBA’s wishes and moving Monday’s show to Los Angeles (which — in a brilliant “stick-it-to-’em” PR move from *both* organizations — also just so happens to be the home of the Denver Nuggets playoff rivals, the LA Lakers). Prior to this resolution, Vince McMahon had threatened to stage Monday’s show “in a parking lot, if [he] has to,” which attracted a sizable amount of critical buzz from the mainstream audience and wrestling fans alike.

Of course, now that Vince & Company have settled into an honest-to-goodness arena in order to air Monday’s show as scheduled, many fans have soured on this story in a hurry, claiming that World Wrestling Entertainment really missed a golden opportunity to pounce on the perfect storm of media and mainstream attention by actually making good on their threat to go guerilla and stage a show in the Pepsi Center’s parking lot.

But then again, the parking lot is likewise owned by the same folks that own the arena itself — and you seriously didn’t think that the Pepsi Center would be willing to lease out its parking facilities in order to accomodate two shows at once, now did you? While we’re at it, there’s a whole slew of outdoor noise ordinances and the like that would have pretty much rendered an outdoor show in a PRIVATELY OWNED PARKING LOT IN DENVER to be nothing short of a legal impossibility.

All in all?

With the “Denver Debacle” behind them, WWE now stands poised to attract at least a handful of casual fans and disillusioned basketball followers on over to Monday night’s LA-based show. In other words, expect WWE to do their very best to revel in whatever freebie promotion that the flapup has garnered their way, which could mean that Monday’s show ends up breaking from RAW’s recent trend towards otherwise stagnant storylines and rinse-and-repeat writing.

After all…

Nothing lights a fire under Vince McMahon like some good, old-fashioned competition.

WWE’s All Submission-Themed PPV – This week, WWE Universe subscribers received a survey asking them to vote on a potential name for what appears to be an all-submission-themed PPV event that is soon to be added to the WWE calendar year. The possible name choices included:

WWE Breaking Point
WWE Submission Sunday
WWE Submit and Quit
WWE Total Submission

For my money (and for the sake of this column), “Breaking Point” is most definitely the strongest choice of the bunch, and so we’ll be referring to this “unnamed” show by that name until I hear otherwise. “Breaking Point” is a smart choice for a show name, as it’s geared toward a submission theme *without* forcing the company’s hand into an entire night of must-tap-out-in-order-to-lose contests (which, in turn, frees them up for “I Quit” matches, “Towel” matches, “Last Man Standing” matches, and the like).

So why is this important?

Well judging from the looks of things, it appears as if WWE is finally throwing their hat into the MMA-crazed trend toward submission style grappling, which would lead one to believe that this pay per view outing will pretty much feature WWE’s (scripted) answer to a night of matches that can only be won by taking your opponent to his “Breaking Point” and forcing him (or his ringside representative) to quit.

So why is this awesome?

The submission hold is something of a lost art in the world of professional wrestling, and dedicating an ENTIRE PPV to bouts that can ONLY be determined by precisely such maneuvers virtually guarantees us that performers will start incorporating these holds back into their respective in-ring arsenals in the future. This is a VERY good thing, not only because it taps into the submission-frenzied MMA segment of the audience (many of whom prefer a more “realistic” style of fights, even if wrestling is scripted in the first place) — but also because (scripted) submission holds are most certainly a heckuvalot less dangerous than most of the everyday finishing maneuvers that wrestlers would otherwise be using to polish off their opponents (the Swanton Bomb, for example).

When applied by a *professional* “entertainer”, there is most definitely less chance of an actual injury occuring in a submission hold, no matter how “real” it looks.” This means less injuries all around, and less physical stress on those performers who are both applying and receiving finishing maneuvers that would otherwise be more impact-based (even something as benign to the applier as a Twist of Fate simply can’t feel too good on your tailbone after you perform it 200+ nights in a year).

Even better —

An entirely submission-based PPV allows WWE to continue with their recent trend of making each of their pay per view outings UNIQUE enough from one another, which should result in an increased incentive for fans to buy each show in the long run. Without uniquely branded supershows, there’s really no difference between a card set for No Mercy or Unforgiven, now is there?

But if you throw “Breaking Point” into the WWE calendar year (for argument’s sake, let’s say in place of “The Bash”), all of the sudden you’ll see that the company’s PPV offerings demonstrate a wide diversity of gimmicks and stipulations (in addition to a regularly rotating crop of main event performers). Here, take a look —

Ultimately, themed pay per view events will breathe new life into main event programs. No longer will we see three back-to-back-to-back PPV outings of the same old singles contest as we saw last month. Now, thanks to a regularly rotating series of gimmicks (each one boasting an intrinsic and altogether new set of challenges than the last), fueds should (in theory, at least) remain fresh for longer periods of time.

This way, both the champ and the fans know what’s on the horizon from the moment the guy is announced as the new titleholder. This works especially well for the “mark”-heavy younger fans (which are WWE’s new target audience, you’ll recall), who actually apply “real” logic to this otherwise fixed sport.

Under the fixed gimmick PPV schedule, audiences can anticipate which type of environments the new champ is likely to thrive in (say, Undertaker in a Cell), while at the same time pinpointing which bouts in the fixed-schedule calendar year are likely to pose him a serious problem (say, Christian in a submission match). In turn, writers can use these gimmick PPV cornerstones as jumping off points in crafting each show’s storylines, as old champions dread bouts designed to test their greatest weaknesses and new challengers emerge in environments that seem tailor-made to their advantage.

And just think of how badass a champion will look if he manages to retain his title in EVERY single gimmick-themed PPV over a calendar year’s time. Not only does this prove your champ’s staying power, it also demonstrates just how versatile a threat he really is.

Recaps and thoughts on the major onscreen happenings of the past week.

Ric Flair Returns to WWE Programming
The Nature Boy ReJoins The Animal
This is Flair’s first appearance on WWE programming since WrestleMania XXV, and it appears as if he will be continuing in an onscreen role at least for the immediate future. Of course, the issue of whether or not he will actually set foot in a ring as a wrestler remains to be seen. We’ve covered this one at length in the past, so I’ll just take a few quick lines to sum things up here:

If Flair wants to return, then I’m all for it. Simply put, for as emotional as his farewell match against Shawn Michaels may have been, he’s already lost a great deal of that whole “Leave The Memories Alone” legacy by injecting himself into a number of WWE storylines since “officially retiring” just one night later on RAW in 2008. And the longer he sticks around in a “non-wrestling role” only to keep getting his ass handed to him? The more he looks like a total doofus for even showing up at ringside in the first place.

Bottom line?

If Flair is going to be kept on the roster in a purely NON-wrestling role, then keep him away from actual physicality and we’ll call it a day. If, however, WWE (or Flair) insists on putting The Nature Boy right at the center of all sorts of ringside scrapes, beatdowns, and altercations, then it’s really something of a blow to his credibility to have him sucker-punched and sucker-punching at every turn, but vowing “never to *wrestle* again” simply because of some misguided belief in a “Legacy” that’s only as real as the punches he’s throwing in the first place.

The guy’s a legend. Either treat him as such (read: no touchie!) or get over the retirement stipulation and welcome him back to the ranks of the regular working Joes (six and ten tag matches, here we come).

TNA Sacrifice This Weekend
Mick Foley to Defends TNA Gold in PPV Main Event

Here’s what I like about the recent build to TNA Sacrifice — much like the WWE gimmick-themed calendar year we discussed in detail above, the name of this PPV *actually makes sense*, as the show’s main event will reflect the “sacrifices” that each of the bout’s participants will have to make in order to take part in the contest.

Jeff Jarrett – will SACRIFICE his voting rights as a member of TNA’s championship committee in order to take part in Sunday’s main event, meaning that if he eats a pinfall, he’ll effectively be rendered completely powerless (in kayfabe terms) as a TNA shareholder with the ability to take part in any of the company’s booking decisions for the immediate future.

Mick Foley – will SACRIFICE his TNA World Heavyweight Championship title if he is the man to take the pinfall or submission loss in Sunday’s main event.

Sting – has indicated that he will SACRIFICE his career and retire from professional wrestling altogether if he is the man to take the pinfall or submission loss in Sunday’s main event.

Kurt Angle – has made it known that he will SACRIFICE his role as the “Don” and leader of the Main Event Mafia if he is the man to take the pinfall or submission loss in Sunday’s main event.

So what does this mean?

Honestly, it seems as if the most heavily spotlighted feud thus far (well, in recent weeks, at least) has been between Jarrett and Foley. Though virtually every single combination of the four men involved in the contest most certainly have a well-documented history between them (Sting/Foley, Sting/Jarrett, Sting/Angle, Angle/Jarrett, Jarrett/Foley, etc.), the focus in recent weeks has remained particularly close to the backstage fallout between TNA’s “Founder” and its “Executive Shareholder.” As a result, it seems as if one of these two men will probably be walking out of the show as the winner. Or, at the very least, the other will likewise be taking the fall when the final bell has rung.

(Because really now, Double J losing his authority or Mick Foley losing a belt at his age is hardly as monumental a storyline as Sting retiring or Angle being forced out of his role as the leader of the show’s number one heel faction).

Regardless —

The four-way match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship seems to have gotten a number of people talking about this little upstart promotion that could, and so all eyes will most definitely be on Orlando come this Sunday night. With a solid showing from the undercard, this show could most definitely win a few new viewers to the TNA fold

Although when looking at the undercard…

One has to admit that TNA will certainly have their work cut out for them. Beer Money, Inc. is most definitely a cut above the rest of the roster’s offerings, but The British Invasion is still all sorts of green, which could prove disasterous if the company is banking on the tag team finals match to warrant match of the night honors (because let’s face it, the two knockouts matches will be likely to get a combined total of ten minutes’ airtime, tops).

Meanwhile —

Booker T has been particularly underwhelming and uninspired during his TNA run, which does little to inspire confidence in his “I Quit” match over a fake championship against AJ Styles (who continues to reside outside of the company’s main event picture). And we won’t even get into the fact that Samoa Joe is totally wasted in a no-consequence slugfest against a near-50 Kevin Nash.

We still have a few days left before the show, and TNA has been known to throw plenty of last-minute additions onto their cards whenever the opportunity arises (I’m looking at YOU, Motor City Machineguns). The old WCW model proved that fans might tune in for the “old timers in the main event,” but they’re only going to stick around if your undercard is fresh, fast-paced and exciting. As such, for the promotion’s sake, here’s hoping TNA has a few surprises up their sleeve for Sunday’s PPV.

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here

That does it for Mee this week. Enjoy the three-day break if you’re among the lucky few who’ll be spending Monday afternoon in the comfort of your own home (gotta’ love Memorial Day Weekend, no?). As for Mee? It’s high time I busted out the old charcoal grill and got this summer started right! ‘Till next time, enjoy the PPV and the freebie day off, and always stay positive!

– Meehan