Takin’ A Mulligan 08.15.09: Angle By Angle Circa 2007

Jumpin’ On the Gun

I get letters…The Great Capt. Smooth will continue to be my lead when he comments. I have my reasons behind this but mainly he is a favorite of mine from other guilty pleasures on the site and he is concise. This week’s shot:

Nice column. Just seeing many of the names in it, they’re like a who’s who of wrestling. That got me thinking of the moment that I became a wrestling fan. I was 6 or 7 years old and flipping TV stations, when came across Andre ripping the cross off of Hogan. From that point on, I was hooked. That brings me back to Hornswoggle. There has to have been a kid this past Monday night flipping TV stations and coming across Horny vs. Chavo, seeing this blindfolded man chase a midget. The IWC will trash something like that now, but I’m sure it was a thrill for the kid. My point is, whether it’s a big deal (Hogan vs. Andre) or something minor (Hornswoggle vs. Chavo), there will always be those types of moments that make people wrestling fans.

Smooth attempts to remember what is important as a fan, the moments that make him smile. Notice that he is observant in understanding that there are indeed different strokes for different folks. While I might not appreciate a Horny vs. Chavo blindfolded open closet affair, some kid out there (or Pat Patterson, Rick Martel, Steve Lombardi and Barry O) might have just enjoyed himself and thought, you know, I might want to turn to this program next week. Think of how that same kid will enjoy even shorter people going at it like Rey Mysterio vs. Justin Liger vs. Dean Malenko in a three-way first one to reach the tether ball on the pole match!

Regulars Justin and Andis continue to provide solid encouragement to yours truly. Thanks go to Andis for putting my column over in at least one other comment section this week. I believe my hit count went from 15 to 18 as a result of your promotion. This means that either my lead-in theory is correct regarding Slimmer and/or you have a future getting patrons to the TNA Universal Studio Warehouse for filler in taped episodes. I joke…I joke…

This week’s Jumpin’ on the Gun feature goes to Sam! I assume that the “!” is part of your name just like “The Gun” is part of mine. His delivery:

The E should use any legitimate retirement as a storyline any chance they get.

After all, how many wrestlers really get to choose when they hang it up? Most either get fired and fade away or suffer debilitating injuries and can’t get back in the ring. Thankfully Flair avoided both of those fates and made one more huge memory on his way into history. I hope HBK and Taker can do the same, especially on the WrestleMania stage they are so synonymous with.

Sam! Please don’t fall for it. The WWE (and WCW) made a huge mistake allowing Flair to actively compete in the ring. The WWE beautifully executed a conclusion of a retirement angle allowing Flair to ride off in the sunset revealing his passion for the business. The match with HBK was a wonderful moment but it doesn’t right the wrongs I have laid out in last week’s column. What Mr. Flair should have done was what he attempted to do several times but failed to latch onto and that is the role of adviser or manager. However…that is another column at another time.

I have a couple of questions based on your comments though. Who are these wrestlers that get fired and fade away or suffer debilitating injuries and can’t get back in the ring. I can only think of 3 and 1 of them gave the greatest retirement speech ever without getting back into the ring as a hazard.

Arn Anderson, who gave one of the greatest retirement speeches ever!
Bret Hart
Superstar Billy Graham

I am sure I am missing a few but frankly nearly everyone can get back into the ring if they choose to. What I am asking is for the establishment not to let them in the ring for the reasons I laid out last week. Just because they have worked doesn’t mean they still deserve to work in the same capacity forever. Turn them into managers like they did in the 70s and 80s. Turn them into bookers, security, and general managers or even dare I suggest colormen for straight men announcers like Ross and Cole. Did you know that Tony Garea, Jerry Brisco and Sergeant Slaughter used to be fine wrestlers in their heyday? Managers like John Paul Jones, Mr. Fuji, Freddie Blassie and JJ Dillon used to have territorial stroke when they were in much younger clothes? The legends of today need to take a cue from the legends of the past. This is what my column was really about because someday you will remember Angle, Cena, Undertaker and HHH just like I remember Flair, Race, Hogan and Savage. Given the climate, I think we will see more “retirement” tours and matches than we will a shift in assignments within wrestling.

I want my memories to give me the same smile as this:

This is my flagship picture until B. Brian Eubanks resurfaces!

The Address

Hard Justice! TNA has appropriate names for PPVs even if they aren’t overly relevant at time of show. Kurt and Karen Angle have made a huge impact on TNA in 2 short years, both on and off TV and house show events. Let’s get a rundown of Karen’s history in the federation, which allowed her employment opportunities that the WWE didn’t act upon. Karen Angle surfaced in the summer of 2007 when Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle were feuding for The Triple Crown Championship, as Kurt held the World Title and Samoa Joe held the X and Tag Team Titles. For those of you gasping, yes, Samoa Joe held the Tag Team Titles by himself. Karen was supposedly wanting to divorce Kurt, claiming that he was emotionally abusive toward both her and the kids. Angle vs. Joe was set for Hard Justice 07 in a belt vs. belts match. Karen was to be in Joe’s corner during the match and ended up swerving Joe and aiding her husband to victory. A classic case of a monster in Joe with a heart being swerve by sympathy and pity in allowing female prey to alter his focus. Good opening angle overall and classically executed. Score 1-0.

In the following weeks, Karen’s character began to develop into a manipulator, such as when she claimed that Real Estate Steve (Sting) slapped her at the No Surrender PPV, when, in fact, he had not. Since Kurt is a millionaire but unable to get a videotape or a DVR of the alledged violent act, this natural led to Kurt not wanting to tag with Sting anymore. They dropped the belts that Kurt won from Joe to Team Pacman (sigh) after Kurt turned on Sting in the match. The insult to my intelligence continued with another feud erupting between Angle and Sting in which Sting had Karen arrested for violating a restraining order and Kurt stalking Sting’s son. Yes, Sting and Angle aligned themselves months later and formed the Main Event Mafia but they never trusted one another. Makes perfect sense to me, doesn’t it to you? I mean if someone stalked my son, I am sure it is a pure misunderstanding and ultimately, Karen is to blame. Bad angle, bad execution, bad booking! Score 1-1

In late 2007, Karen began to have issues with Sharmell claiming there was only room for one “queen” in TNA, a direct reference to Sharmell’s last gimmick in WWE. This led to a catfight. Karen suffered a broken foot after jumping from the apron after an in-ring segment. The Gun has many rules of wrestling, women who are not active performers should never ever perform in a wrestling function. This includes catfights or grappling in any form, especially in the ring where they can fall or slip from a height over a half-an-inch. I barely have a tolerance for women’s wrestling but I will admit that the quality of the women has improved over the last few years. They still look like they punch with no force but at least the finishers look more convincing than they ever have. I digress. This angle was a failure as well. Score 1-2 to end 2007!

On the Valentine’s Day 2008, episode of Impact, Karen was scheduled to renew her wedding vows to Kurt, but that crafty TNA booking committee had her legally married to A.J. Styles. They all came about because Samoa Joe, obviously seeking revenge for him being relevant in the Summer of 2007 and now a high-mid carder in 2008, knocked out the priest and the priest mistakenly married AJ and Karen instead. The best part of this angle was the priest thought AJ was Kurt! The insult of my intelligence tour continued with Karen not ending the marriage with AJ. AJ not ending the marriage with Karen and TNA not ending the angle immediately! Kurt wanted to concentrate on his match with Samoa Joe at Lockdown, so they agreed to a separation. Karen continued to spin AJ into Samoa Joe’s former role as an upper midcarder while Joe supplanted AJ in the main event slot. The crime in this angle was in real life, the lawyers had been contacted and the ball was rolling toward dissolution of marriage.

On the May 22 episode of Impact, Kurt asked Karen to the ring to forgive him for not performing her wifely duties and to ask her to come home. Karen then left a begging Kurt in the ring after he pleaded for a second chance. By the conclusion of the show, Karen came to the ring to the aid of A.J. Styles who was being beaten four on one by Booker T, Tomko and Team 3D.Karen ran to the back to enlist Kurt’s aid, who came out with a chair. Kurt threatened the four with the chair, only to turn around and see his estranged wife hugging a bloody AJ. Kurt freaked and hit AJ with the chair, thus prompting the four back in the ring. They held Karen up while Kurt held AJ’s head, yelling at Karen, telling her this was all her fault. Kurt is quoted as saying to Karen, “This is your fault! You deceived me!” On the next week’s show after being assaulted backstage before his entrance, A.J. ran to the ring to help Karen only to be beat down by Team 3D and Kurt Angle for the second week in a row. Christian came to the ring to aid Styles but was viciously assaulted for his trouble as well. It was then announced that at the Slammiversary PPV it would be A.J. Styles one-on-one with Kurt Angle. Karen then interfered helping A.J. Styles win the match. Horrible angle! Score 1-Endless Torment!

She had a shortlived show called Karen’s Angle in the Summer of 2008. She was released of her duties at TNA Panda DixieLand Towers in October. The divorce was final in real life later on that month and Karen vaporized from our airwaves and thoughts. Until recently when she decided to move in with Jeff Jarrett, who just happens to be one of the original founders of TNA. Kurt Angle used his stroke with the Panda Energy powers to have Jarrett removed from active duties as part of creative and got his other Memphis buddy relieved in the process, Dutch Mantel. Vince Russo is the only creative mind officially on the bus at the moment. WOWSZIE!!!

The Bad Shot

If I were a betting man, I would say that Karen and Kurt were having problems prior to 2007. Kurt had moved over to TNA and thought that the blessings of a reduced work schedule would help the couple. The couple still struggled so Kurt used his influence in TNA and as a marketable performer to get his wife to be with him at the tapings in a working capacity. TNA accommodated and we have the history I laid out prior. I can’t fault Kurt or Karen if my theory is correct. Who really doesn’t want to “make it work” even if the odds are against you? Frankly, we only know the ones publicly that don’t work in this business. We know the Marc Mero and Sable’s, we know the Kevin and Nancy Sullivan’s and we now know the Angle’s.

Last week I outlined my knowledge of the business from a little boy’s backstage viewpoint. One thing I didn’t disclose was the personal lives of many of the workers I was exposed to. Wrestling is like a circus and most of the performers are carneys; nomads in fact that travel in an exclusive club. The fraternity has given way to a co-ed dorm over the years but the club hasn’t lost the luster. I still have close contacts in the business and I am still privy to a backstage perk from time to time. I would imagine that Jeff Jarrett, due to being a member of that club, wouldn’t have seen it unsavory to ask the former Mrs. Kurt Angle to be a part of his life. In the grand scheme of it all, it is has more to do wanting companionship that understands your profession and the victories and trials that are involved in it. It doesn’t hurt that she is very attractive from Jarrett’s standpoint. I have no idea if Jarrett is attractive to Karen, as I don’t rate men. It is a FIRST MANDAMENT!

Other MANDAMENTS are as follows:

Men never fix another guys hair
Men never comment on another man’s shoes
Men never think of household chores while having sex
When telling a woman about an outing with the boy, men always each day with the Vegas creed, “What happens here stay here”

The bad shot here isn’t moving in with Jarrett or the prior events where the Angle’s tried to work it out. The bad shot here was giving Karen more and more of an active role in TNA top storylines. This doesn’t means she shouldn’t have been a part of them, especially as a valet/manager for Kurt. I am a firm believer of stacking the deal huge on the heel side. The problem was as time went on; you weren’t rooting for or against Karen Angle. Hence, you weren’t rooting for or against Kurt Angle or AJ Styles or Samoa Joe or Sting. You just had apathy for the entire mess because it was clearly a mess. TNA needed and continues to need to establish battle lines. You just can’t have everyone a tweener, especially someone who is portrayed as a victim of violence by a male athlete.

Execution Of The Mulligan

Miss Elizabeth wasn’t a manager, no matter what line the WWF feeds you about her duties with Randy Savage or Hulk Hogan. What she was though was a “second”, a valet so to speak. She watched her maniac boyfriend and eventual husband meteoric rise in every federation he worked, including the WWF. While Savage might have been one of the most athletic gifted but yet savage (hence the name) brawler of his era, Miss Elizabeth helps to soften the blow on her beastly charge. Miss Elizabeth rooted on her man and rarely ever got involved in his matches, especially when Savage was in full heel mode. Kurt Angle reminds me of Randy Savage. Not in stature or in grace but in pure “flip the switch” craziness that Savage used to call ‘mania’. Angle has that special gift that most workers would die for. You couple that with his amazing talent and his passion to perform and you have Savage 2000.

My mulligan is that Karen Angle should have rolled in as a meek but supportive wife. Karen should have been booked to applaud Kurt’s efforts, not because they were pure but because she was her wife. The “stand by your man” approach hasn’t died a death in our society yet, and certainly not in heavily redneck oriented professional wrestling. This is the role that TNA should have booked for Karen Angle. I don’t know if this saves a marriage in the future or avoids this conflict between Kurt and Jarrett at the present but I do know that she was horribly booked and the TNA audience suffered as a result. They still continue to lack identity because of their handling of Kurt/Karen/Sting/AJ and Joe over the last 2 years. A little lift from past wrestling successes would have helped to solve some of that.

Funny thing that they employ this man…

…yet he continues to lay down no laws of wrestling. While TNA continues to lack vision, the fans continue to perish.

If only they could rewind and do some things over again, it would better us all. Karen Angle reuse would be a good start.

Until Next Week, “I am your champion”