Column of Honor: 06.12.10: CHIKARmA Chameleon

***NOTE: This column was written before the news about Bryan Danielson / Daniel Bryan’s release from WWE. Given the nature of professional wrestling, I am going to reserve comment until next week to see better how this situation plays out.

Every once in a while I like to give some space to events and shows that take place in CHIKARA. My first love for independent wrestling has always been Ring of Honor, but I began to follow and appreciate CHIKARA in 2006. In addition to PWG, I view it as an alternative to the more serious world of ROH. That’s not to say that CHIKARA can’t do serious—as the Brodie Lee vs. Castagnoli, Eddie Kingston vs. Hallowicked and BDK saga certainly demonstrate. However, CHIKARA is still the sunnier of the two companies, and I really love the alternate take on the world of independent wrestling and filled with colorful characters, young wrestlers aspiring to learn and improve their craft.

Almost since the beginning my purchasing strategy for CHIKARA was to buy in bulk and play catch-up. The routine is essentially this: around late spring I purchase the more well regarded shows from the first four months of the year up through King of Trios; around late summer or early fall I purchase the Anniversario shows, usually the finale to Young Lions Cup and any other major shows with important matches and plot developments; late winter I pick up the Cibernetico show and the season finale DVDs.

So with the latest Smart Mark Video sale taking place over Memorial Day weekend, that was the perfect time to buy in bulk for this season and begin my tri-annual catch-up of CHIKARA shows. I purchased all of the CHIKARA shows that took place in the first four months of the year (A Touch of Class through King of Trios) with the exception of Dead Men Don’t Laugh, which was given a bad review by our own Kevin Ford.

Of course, the most important storyline of the season has been the formation of the Bruderschaft des Kruzes (Brotherhood of the Cross)-led by Claudio Castagnoli & Ares, this is a guerrilla unit of traitors and defectors who have felt underappreciated by the CHIKARA staff and fans. Together they have formed what has become the most feared and unstoppable group of heels on the show. For the most part the target of attack has been the technicos, but Ultramantis Black, whose goals of world-conquest partially brought about the group’s presence in the company, has also been affected.

The BDK is a unified front, while the CHIKARA crew led by Mike Quckenbush, has been scrambling to respond to the coordinated attacks. The BDK has shown blatant disregard for CHIKARA’s precepts and are letting nothing stop them from taking over. That is the major theme of the first four shows, but there is also just enough non-BDK action to help avoid angle overkill. The tag team division continues to be a centerpiece for the promotion, while the eight-man tag has quickly become a special attraction almost guaranteed to be a success and worthy of watching.

CHIKARA: A Touch of Class 1/31/10-Philadelphia, PA

An excellent serious promo from Pinkie Sanchez sets the stage for the whole BDK vs. CHIKARA angle for the rest of the season. The first official CHIKARA vs. BDK battle is Green Ant versus Pink Ant, who infiltrated The Colony and betrayed them.

Eddie Kingston marking out for Pinkie vs. Green Ant is awesome. He just needs to do commentary for the entire show.

Green Ant looks sharp, much improved and ready for being showcased in singles competition. I am enjoying his moveset including the headbutts and the resistance to headbutts as well as the use of a Cloverleaf (because it is Green, get it?) Most importantly this match is stiff, brutal and you can tell and feel the hatred between the two. Pinkie Sanchez wins the match.

Any team that comes out to Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days” is automatically okay with me. The team of Player Uno, Create-a-Wrestler and Sugar Dunkerton does just that—filling, my huh-huh-hungry heart!

Dunkerton with the PANTS ON THE GROUND ELBOW! PANTS ON THE GROUND ELBOW! Oh wait, I hate that song! BOOOO!

I like the CAW malfunction gimmick where Dasher Hatfield reverts to his previous gimmicks, but only, especially because it led to the permanent return of Dasher Hatfield.

Player Uno throws a mean Haduken, maybe even better than Kenny Omega.

Will I buy into Sara Del Rey and Daizee Haze on the same level as former Campeones de Parejas Osirian Portal? It seems hard to believe, although even on paper the disparity isn’t so great. Remember they are relative rookies at only two years of experience at this point, while Del Rey and Haze have more overall tenure in the business. Amasis and Ophidian are also shorter and while they have good definition they don’t have much body mass.

Del Rey and Haze take the fight immediately to the OP, so it’s not even a matter of questioning it anymore, but rather just to go with it—the girls are going to beat up the guys, so there. The OP aren’t afraid to hit them back either, so it turns very physical very fast. The psychology of hitting big impact moves works for this match, because no matter if you get spiked by a man or a woman on your head, you’re freaking getting spiked on your head! BDK2, CHIKARA 0 for this show.

Brodie Lee vs. Hallowicked was another very physical match as these two continued their grudge feud from the previous year. These two just unleash hell on each other, a good reminder that CHIKARA can do physical grudge matches just as well as anyone. Again there is great support on commentary when these two throw each other all over the ring. The enthusiasm and alert tone of voice the commentators (in this case Gavin Loudspeaker and Leonard Chikarason) use to discuss the match makes everything that much more exciting, even more so when its intense moments like Hallowicked firing back on Lee or Lee using a belly to belly superplex. When Hallowicked wins this one, it feels like a feud ender, although Lee getting his hands on Frightmare and booting him right before the finish could certainly be used to retrigger it (though ‘wicked got even with three big boots and the Rydeen Bomb for the win).

I love that the crowd sticks it to Lee by chanting “you have no friends”.

I will say this much, I knew going in that The Order of the Neo Solar Temple would eventually crush and decimate the team of ROH Spirit Squad a.k.a. Andy Ridge, Pelle Primeau and Grizzly Redwood. However, the ROH team actually had quite a bit of offense during the body of the match and there were several moments where it seemed that they could have snuck the win out from under The Order. Of course, eventually Ultramantis and Delirious are able to steamroll them, but I don’t think I can recall many matches where these ROH students (and student alumni) were given the chance to shine in an ROH booked match as compared to this short undercard bout on a CHIKARA show. The match honestly should have ended with the triple chokeslam…that looked completely bad-ass. Too bad it had to continue onwards, and then Grizzly Redwood badly botched a headscissors on Crossbones of all people (Seriously, not the first person I’d think of to do that move), essentially powerbombing himself on his head. The Order eventually won with the Praying Mantis Bomb from Ultramantis for three.

Crazy Sarcastic Tim Donst is MANY BUYS. He was MANY BUYS as Kiss make-up wearing Donst in The Order and he was MANY BUYS in this promo, unhinged and jealous about YLC Champion Player Dos.

First move of the match, Dos smacks Donst with a superkick that dumps Donst outside. Me: “OOOOOOH!” Not the first time, won’t be the last time, but I really meant it. The other early highlight is Donst leapfrogging the steps outside and bragging about it, but then Dos springs off those steps into a silla that crashes Donst into the ring barricade. The match slows down a bit in the middle, but the crowd continues to be pumped up for this show, and they especially come to life late in this match right behind Dos. Donst using moves from Hydra’s playbook and his alter ego of Vokodor is also smart. Using other wrestler’s moves actually comes into play quite often on this slate of shows.

Dos’ comeback is pretty damned good—slick, on target and doesn’t come across as spotty as it might have several years back. However, it’s an all-BDK night and Donst takes the YLC with the reverse CHIKARA Special.

The BDK theme is simultaneously the coolest and most annoying German techno I’ve heard…but then again I don’t hear a lot of German techno so there could be more out there that’s worse I suppose.

END OF DISC ONE. OKAY.

The Future is Now (Lince Dorado, Jimmy Equinox Olsen and Jigsaw) & Quackenbush versus The Bruderschaft des Kruzes of Claudio Castagnoli, Ares, Tursas and… Lince Dorado?!?!? What the? Say it isn’t the ol’ Horseman beatdown! Yup, Lince Dorado throws Olsen back first on the steps and FINALLY, FINALLY turns heel! YAY! I think I have been waiting years for that to happen. Of course that means the technicos are at a numbers disadvantage, not just 4-on-3, but 4-on-2. And it’s a 4-on-1 beatdown of Mike Quackenbush. Let’s just say the technicos should clock out of the office early and try again tomorrow.

This is decimation.

Claudio continues the meme of the BDK insulting the faces by using their own moves against them when he throws two spinfists at Jigsaw…and that makes Eddie F’N Kingston come on down to get him some of his “pal” Claudio! Then Lince out of nowhere spins Eddie around and slaps him! OH NO HE DIDN’T! Hopefully Lince had his will taken care of a long time ago because Eddie just demolishes him with punches. Ares chop blocks Kingston down, but Kingston comes back and closelines he and Claudio over and then it’s down to Tursas and King…but Tursas is too DAMN BIG AND FAT! Finally Claudio and Ares trip up Kingston and wipe him out on the outside. Let the decimation continue! Eddie gets spiked with the ring barricade and Lince boots Jigsaw into unconsciousness. Equinox is finally back but in no condition to fight on and he gets blasted four-on-one. Then Claudio picks the scraps of Jigsaw.

Finally, it takes a cavalcade of faces one after the other to at least make a dent into Tursas. Quack’s slaps don’t make any impact but Jig and then King begin to make the big tall dude waver. King gets in some more shots on Lince but then is attacked by BDK.

The faces finally galvanize with some big dives from everyone, giving Quack’s team a real shot at winning. I love the story of this one, with the feeling of a real war between the two sides, and the good guys getting beat on but finding opportunities to get back into it. It’s reminiscent of early WCW vs. nWo (dunno if CHIKARA fans want to hear it but its true) but with maybe 10 times cooler mark-out moves and just a crowd that is quite passionate and emotional about what’s happening. Claudio gets the low blow while Bryce is distracted for the three on Eddie Kingston (who may not have been legally a part of the team, but it seems to count anyway). They celebrate with the prone body of Kingston as Claudio demands that Eddie owes him respect (from their “Respect” match at Three Fisted Tales). Eddie says “I will never respect you!” and the beat down continues! BDK rules the world on this show.

This was a hell of a fantastic start to the angle. I think the heel domination was totally warranted and the good guys had plenty of opportunity to shine and be portrayed as fighting hard against terrible odds. I don’t know about other shows for down the line, but the heels winning out worked for me on this first show of the new season.

After all of that, there’s still one more to go- The Colony vs. Team F.I.S.T. for the Campeones de Parejas—the grudge of 2009 in CHIKARA is reopened and this time it’s for the belts.

Yes I know they’re heels, but I can’t help but get into it when F.I.S.T. uses “Blue Monday” for their theme song.

CAPES! The Colony is wearing capes! Holy capes Batman! Good rapid fire tag sequences and two against ones here, but obviously it can’t compete with their hair match from Anniversario Yang They probably should have ended it there and not done a reprise, because it’s hard to live up to what was considered by many the promotion’s match of the year for 2009. There is also one or two moments where timing is off, but they don’t necessarily detract because they are covered up pretty well and aren’t back-to-back so both teams move on and hit on target with the next sequences.

F.i.S.T. pick up the first fall with the Joker Driver.

Then…Solider Ant attempts to do a reverse hurricanrana…and he jams his head into the mat. Well…that looked about as horrific and grotesque as humanly possible. I have no idea how he didn’t break his neck or die on that move. It was that dangerous. Solider rolls to the outside and everyone, EVERYONE knows he is completely gone. Fire Ant tries to do his best two-on-one and they obviously are trying to buy as much time as possible.

Amazingly, Soldier Ant goes back in and applies a tilt-a-whirl headscissors into the CHIKARA Special for the second fall.

Then they get stupid as Icarus does the Blue Ray DVD in the corner on Soldier Ant, which DROPS HIM ON HIS HEAD. REALLY GUYS, come on. Third fall ends quickly with Icarus and Solider outside and Fire Ant getting a snap. victory roll on Akuma for three.

That was a match that while solid could not for me surpass or overcome that scary moment. That is the sort of backfire you just don’t want to see happen on these sorts of moves. Many wrestlers won’t get injured on the high impact moves but rather on the smaller ones you wouldn’t expect—a bad step or a shoulder move in the wrong direction. This was not one of those times. Kudos to Fire Ant, Icarus and Akuma for not showing any outward panic, but take the kudos away for being stupid about the obvious neck or concussion issue and doing more big impact moves on Soldier Ant while he was clearly hurt.

Credit to the fans for showing support after the botched move—but for me, a sour note to end what was a pretty awesome show. I’d recommend watching everything up to that last match.

CHIKARA: The Mint Condition 02/27/10-Reading, PA

The next show up has a photo cover of Crossbones eating a York Peppermint Patty. That is just so genius—see it’s both a fat joke AND clever wordplay.

Beginning where the last DVD ended, with the winners of the main event The Colony (Fire, Solider and Green) vs. the dominating force from the semi-main and the rest of the show in The BDK (Lince, Daizee Haze and Pink Ant, accompanied by Sara Del Rey) in trios action.

My old high school auditorium has the same box on the wall design that is decorating the ceiling of this building. Weird.

Big difference between this crowd and the one from Philly at the last show is that this is a quieter group, more observant that emotionally drawn into the BDK vs. CHIKARA story, at least in this opening contest. Though they do the galvanizing claps for the babyfaces and do really get into that… after intermission they come across as livelier, although again, no comparison to the crowd from A Touch of Class. Although I do see how they could easily get taken out of the match since The Colony gets dominated throughout and being one of CHIKARA’s most popular acts that’s probably not what the crowd wanted to see. This is especially the case since it’s the junior BDK team and not the big guns beating them up. It’s Pinkie taking the heat, then Haze, then Lince and so on, with The Colony not getting much in the way of hope spots or fighting back until the very end, and even then it’s short-lived.

Haze slapping the taste out of The Colony is pretty impressive, but she gets hers later on when Soldier plants her with a reverse elbow. Green Ant continues to prove he is half-Samoan with the no selling of the headbutt and then finally the crowd gets into it for the Ants big comeback. His Texas Cloverleaf again looks great here, really bending Haze back with it. Solider has the CHIKARA Special locked in on Pinkie and the crowd going wild and then…Del Rey boots him in the back…boooooo! The BDK give one up as CHIKARA wins its first match, but by disqualification. This was a disappointing finish to the opener, but I understand what they were going for, that CHIKARA was so close to winning outright until BDK took it away from them. Still, it is a risky proposition to open up a show with that kind of finish.

Delirious is still “under the influence” of The Order (or so we think). Ultramantis cuts one hell of an interview about how Delirious is going to destroy Player Dos. It seems like he hasn’t been humbled by his ordeals with BDK at all and in fact may be more evil than ever.

Delirious is a zombie until Ultramantis screams “Abra Cadabra” (or something like that) and THEN Delirious is on the attack. Good match—both men worked well against each other. Delirious sucks out Dos by turning a springboard into a gut-buster, which looks great. Dos’ kip-up into an enziguiri is also a fun moment to watch. Delirious wins this one with UMB’s Praying Mantis Bomb for the three-count. I love Bryce whenever he screams “RIGHT ON TOP OF HIS HEAD!!!! AHHHH! ON TOP OF HIS HEAD!” That kind of enthusiasm adds so much to big finishing sequences and dangerous-looking moves.

Atomicos match between F.i.S.T. & The Badd Boys against Incoherence & The Osirian Portal—another fun eight-man tag using the teams’ gimmicks and characters and merging it with multiple-man strategy. Ophidian in particular is impressive with his ability to twist and turn his body in serpentine movement while also doing wrestling moves. Yet for all of that, Akuma just stomps him in the head on the apron while they’re outside! Ouch. This is actually the first time I am seeing The Badd Boys in action—love their uncontrollable nature and their deep “manly” voices. They do look uncannily familiar, but that could just be my eyesight going on the fritz again…

Amasis does a little “U Can’t Touch This” shuffle and wants Kuma to dance with him. Akuma asks them to play his song…and its LADY GAGA JUST DANCE !!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH that is awesome! But while everyone (including me) is too busy marking out to Gaga, Akuma hits a spin kick and a soccer kick on Amasis! AWWWWWWW! Suckered us all in! One day, that man is going to bust a move and it is going to rule the world!

The match breaks down a bit too slow and sloppy at the end, with the heels paying the fools and knocking into each other and getting head-faked by the technicos all over the place. Timing is off until Incoherence gets everyone on the same page. Still, some fun stuff going on here like Badd Boys missing on chops and hitting F.I.S.T.; Frightmare running around like a kid avoiding his grounding, etc. Then Icarus just about kills him on an EVO. Luckily the snake is there to save and The Portal combine for the stacked up fisherman’s buster and Icarus saves! Finish is Hallowicked with a boot to the face on Icarus for three.

The Throwbacks get their chance to represent CHIKARA against BDK, but unfortunately they’re facing the big dogs in Claudio & Ares, so you know they are the definitive underdogs right from the beginning. Throwbacks can get their third point and BDK can get their first.

As expected, a mostly dominating match from BDK, but like with the last show the technicos have the opportunity to show their stuff and fight back, albeit in small doses. In this case, Dunkerton and Hatfield have the fan support and charisma to pull off some emotional false and hot tags. Ares gets a massive Tiger Driver for three and their first point.

Player Uno’s chance to avenge Dos’s Young Lions Cup loss to Donst is on this show. Donst again rules with his promo and he also has some great little verbal jabs for his opponents at the beginning of the match when he asks “are you ready to lose?” Good heel trash talk.

I should comment at this time that the heat for Jakob Hammermeier constantly stealing the mic from Gavin Loudspeaker is very impressive. Don’t know where this kid came from, but he draws the heat!

Player Uno uses some good psychology with working the arm with some nice impact moves and a judo throw in preparation for his “Joystick” submission move. Donst quickly goes to the attack though and continues to show the goods as a heel with his mean streak and cheating. Donst wins with his Vokoder STO move, but not before Uno put up a hell of a physical fight, including some stiff punches and slaps after Donst spits at him. Uno even uses the Hydralock—more of the nod to big moves used by wrestlers in this BDK and Donst issue against the technicos.

CHIKARA’s big gun Eddie Kingston fights against BDK’s bigger gun Tursas. Kingston likes the challenge of beating up Tursas and trying to make him feel pain. King unloads right away with a boot and some slaps, but Tursas continues his “Viking no-sell zombie” outlook on life and beats down on King. No small order for Kingston here, although a fan advises King that Tursas “is just really fat”. Yeah, and really tall. He’s like that really tall white basketball player who used to play for The Nets. Only fatter and with a big gut. So maybe not at all like that guy. Tursas is killing Kingston here, including a release German that looks too easy…yikes. Castagnoli makes his presence known, and King lets him have it with a tope suicida! Tursas picks him up and when the ref tries to separate him from Eddie, Claudio is back to trip him up…THEN A HUGE FREAKING SPLASH FROM TURSAS OFF THE TOP ROPE. My lord that’s it! Kingston goes down in four minutes and things are getting desperate!

Main event has nothing to do with BDK as Quackenbush, Jigsaw & The Future is Now fight Brodie Lee and some friends he found in The Unstable. After some exchanges between Quack and Vin, Brodie Lee wants to …HUG? Awwww he’s just a soft teddy bear…oh wait, he wanted to sucker in Equinox, but nope, he got the one over on Lee instead. Jig and STIGMA briefly renew acquaintances and so does Quack and STIGMA. Then Quack knocks Colin right in the Jimmy’s. Nice. The early part of this match is certainly the faces staying faster and ahead of the heels with blitz attacks, but Vin and Lee catch Jigsaw and put the heat on him. That goes on for a few and then Quack has enough and a break up the four-on-one dogpile, but then Quack is isolated as a result.

Equnox Olsen is in to take on his brother! Then STIGMA ends that quickly by chop-blocking from behind and now the heat is on him. Lee violently demolishes the knee by slamming it onto the canvas at a harsh angle and then PICKING HIM UP on the bad leg. YIKES. Jigsaw makes the rally and then BRODIE LEE FLIES THROUGH EVERYONE! Holy crap. He takes Ricochet back into the ring and now everyone on the technicos side has been isolated and worked on at least once this match. The full-fledged technico comeback begins with Helios outrunning and gunning everyone (very cool stuff actually that is just way too fast to describe) and ALL THE FACES DIVE! WOOOOO! Gotta love that stuff!

We go to a near-fall run where the heels once again dominate, but Quack makes the best impression with a wicked kick to Lee and Equinox is second place with an awesome hurricanrana on Lee. Bryce has to stop a count a bit too awkwardly because the “throw everyone onto everyone” break-up was just a shade too slow. It’s noticeable, but not a criminal offense because the bodies were coming but for some reason were just a shade slower than it should have been. Jig and Quack gets some wicked combos on Gerard—an enziguiri to kangaroo kick to brainbuster that is barely broken up by STIGMA throwing Quack into the pile. Lots more frenetic action. The finish of the match sees Quack with the Quackendriver Classic for three!

These eight-man tag matches once again pull through and are quickly becoming the highlight of this season’s CHIKARA shows. I’d rank this show underneath A Touch of Class but I’m certainly not regretful to have picked this one up. The BDK angles didn’t carry as much weight with the crowd on this show, but the effort from the non-BDK related matches definitely made up for it. Again, only two shows in and I understand the need for BDK dominance—it’s not nearly as bad as the complainers have made it out to be at this point.

CHIKARA: A World of Comforting Illusions—02/27/10—Pottsville, PA

If memory serves me right CHIKARA may have run here in its early days. The Pottsville venue is very small, like really small, like the kind of small anti-independent wrestling smarks comment on small. Get this—there’s a cafeteria / bar stand with refrigerator-looking units on the right side of the screen. There’s a stage for music acts that blocks off one side, so the crowd is only on three sides. Still, it’s CHIKARA, and the fans are passionate about the characters, so, go with it.

There’s also a huge advertising poster for Yuengling—I thought CHIKARA was a family show!

Unstable vs. Throwbacks begins the show. Yup, still love “Glory Days” as their entrance theme. If Bryce is the ref for their matches, the fans need to start chanting for him ala the famous “BRUUUUUUUUCE!” call.

Sugar is all sorts of pumped up for this match, and his in-ring work seems boosted up too…he gets a funny moment walking (“travelling”) on top of Gerard’s back. STIGMA does something memorable for the first time in a long while of seeing him on these shows when he throws a great spear into Sugar… no that was not a double-entendre. At least I hope it’s not. Colin Delany is very entertaining on guest commentary here and throughout the show, in this case he is razzing on The Throwbacks. However, Sugar pushes Vin off the ropes on an attempted Doomsday Device variation and Dasher gets a Victory Roll on STIGMA for the three-count. That was a very fun match.

Brodie Lee cuts a promo in front of a Budget Rental Truck…a.k.a. his day job (well I mean his character’s day job, but you could have guessed that). Lee vs. Green Ant. Uh-oh—I expect a glorious death is a-coming for Green Ant, though maybe because of his previous good showings he’ll get a bit more on Lee than expected.

Yup, Green is actually getting the offense to start and yup, there goes Brodie smashing him down. Fine by me, I like Brodie rolling through and causing man-made disasters on his opponents the likes of the Gulf oil spill. Green Ant adding those headbutts to his repertoire has worked for him. He also gets a very exciting counter of the Black Hole Slam into a arm trap pinning roll. Then Brodie BOOTS HIM IN THE FACE—GOODNIGHT MARIANNN-NOOOOOOO Green Ant kicks out. Then the running sit-out powerbomb does the trick. Another real fun match and as expected, Green Ant shined some more but Lee still picked up the W.

It’s the Girls of BDK (sounds like that could be a best-selling DVD) against Incoherence as Del Rey and Haze step up their competition even more-though they’ve already handled their business well against Osirian Portal. Although…the girls are still larger and probably tougher than Frightmare. BDK is met with … no heat. Not even Jakob Hammermeier gets the boos. This is just one day after the previous show, so I can’t tell yet if that’s a sign of something larger or not.

They go right to work isolating and terrorizing Frightmare. The crowd gets into Incoherence and wants them to fire back—so that’s a good sign. They time a matrix flipping leap avoidance into a neckbreaker on Del Ray that is damned excellent, followed by a flip tope on Haze to the outside! Again this kid is showing he’s got the goods. Then Hallowicked kills Del Rey with the Shining Wizard kick in the turnbuckle… great googly ooogly! The girls get it back on track and cut off Frightmare again. Del Rey just kicks him in the ass… literally. As Dusty Rhodes used to say “DEVLLLISH WOMEN!” More from Del Rey as she KILLS him with a kick to the jaw. Frightmare shorts his cartwheel brain kick (pretty complicated so I give him an A for effort). He gets the hot tag to Hallowicked. Del Rey misses breaking up a sure-three count and its getting a bit ugly now. Hallowicked saves it with a sick kick on Del Rey, but a minute later Del Rey just goes banshee postal with four piledrivers in a row and the ref warns her to stop… DQ called by ref for excessive violence as it was clear Del Rey was just out to kill Frightmare. Good idea for a finish and it gets over the brutality of these women and crossing gender lines, but it’s yet again ANOTHER CHIKARA win over BDK by DQ, which has been the only way CHIKARA has actually won a match. I’ll be critical here– it’s a lame way to give the faces a win. I’d rather see BDK just beat them through cheating or sheer force of domination than a result such as this.

The Badd Boys put on their best Demolition voices and play pool…They bark and hoot and holler, which wakes up my dog and makes him bark like crazy… the best part about this is that they are absolutely sucking at pool, not sinking ANY shots. Awesome. They “HOOO” again…and my dog starts running all around the living room. This could be a problem…

More BDK action in a four way elimination match with Ares & Castagnoli against The Badd Boys against Osirian Portal against Super Smash Brothers (Uno & Dos reunited in tag action for the first time this season). This will be the way to pick up easy points for one team…and I can already guess which one that will be. Eight-men in cramped corners…this is going to be tricky for everyone involved.

IT’S TIME FOR MORE FUNKY PHAROAH DANCING! I just can’t tell you how much I love these impromptu dance dealeabobs. There are words I can’t use in mixed company. Amasis and Uno exchange the dance procedure…THE KID N PLAY!!!! Awww Yeah BOY! Awww…The Badd Boys run in and ruin the fun, while BDK lets everyone else wrestle it out.

Icarus on guest commentary calls out the Badd Boys as 2.0…I just can’t believe that is possible. They look nothing alike. These guys wear bandanas and jeans, 2.0 clearly didn’t. So dude is just wrong. Ophidian is caught by the Badd Boys and for a while they’re in mid-motion, almost like Ophidian is crowd surfing…and THEN Claudio chooses to strike with a closeline on Amasis. Now BDK…guess what…dominated their opponents. All hell breaks loose and then BDK take advantage with an Ares Tiger Bomb on Amasis for the elimination. The SSB and Badd Boys smartly swarm the BDK and take them out… the dive bomb on BDK to the outside… well now they catch Dos on the repeat try.

SSB eliminate Badd Boys after a lengthy back-and-forth thanks to Claudio pulling out one of them as Dos does a frog splash for the pin. Then BDK beats on SSB and while Uno fights back two-on-one, BDK eventually win with Claudio applying the Reverse CHIKARA Special on Uno. BDK has the three points to challenge The Colony. Something tells me they’ll win that too…

I like that Icarus and Collin discuss their take as heels on the BDK—Collin doesn’t like that they steal their thunder…but Icarus is more than willing to let them do their thing and pick up the pieces.

Eddie Kingston informs me that I was wrong in my assumption they played here before by calling this an old rivalry in a new facility. I enjoy Kingston’s nihilistic promos, where he says he doesn’t care about anyone but himself, not CHIKARA or BDK. I do like how he frames this match against Akuma, that they are bonded by the injuries they have caused each other. He does have a point to prove to Claudio by what he does in his match.

Icarus wishes that we could see him cringe at these painful strikes each man is throwing down. Icarus says we can’t but actually we can, since they’re in camera view on stage. Yeah, these two are pretty much just killing each other with kicks and chops to the body and head and yeah, both Icarus and Collin are cringing (and laughing in a defense mechanism when one sees another suffer through pain, also because its perversely funny to see them kill each other like this).

Oh look there’s Kingston delivering an Ace Crusher off the top rope while Ozzy and Kiss look on. They’re in a painted mural on the wall.

More murder, death and suffering. Also, death. This match is the one that makes this show worth the purchase. Eddie wins, but it’s a close one. Eddie calls out Claudio after the match.

The Future Is Now (Helios, Jigsaw & Equinox) & Mike Quackenbush vs. BDK (Donst, Dorado, Tursas & Pink Ant): Tursas in the background of this promo is hysterical, since he towers over the other three and blends into the background of the BDK poster.

The technicos rush right out (in nifty special green velour and gold trim outfits no less) and take the fight to BDK, but again, BDK stuffs the offense. Then Equinox steps it up and takes Pinkie down, followed by Quack and Jig getting their hands on Pinkie and then Donst. Good guys dominate the early going, except of course against Tursas. Lince as a heel is good news and his avoidance of Hellios and Equinox is fun. H & E have some fast and furious teamwork.

BDK takes over with Donst and Tursas bullying Helios and Lince mean mugging the faces. The story is that the BDK destroy one man, but get too confident and it allows that person to roll outside (a lucha tag). Then BDK relies on Tursas to use his power to stuff the comeback from next guy and bring it back under their control. The heat continues, followed up by more of the BDK rotating around and beating up on the isolated man.

Finally, Tursas misses on his elbow drop and that allows the hot tag /comeback segment from Helios onto all of BDK. Helios does a great job with these comebacks against all the opponents, flip, flop and flying against everyone and throwing them off their game. This is where spot-fu works—because Helios is using his speed and the constant misdirection to cause all sorts of chaos for the heels—and the crowd definitely appreciates it. Donst finally catches up with him and kills him with a release German.

The ping-pong segment of moves is next and continues to impress with Quack and Jig showing off their best moves and dives to the front row. The finish is Tursas catching Helios on the Sasuke Special and powerslamming him to the floor on the outside, throwing him in and allowing Lince to hit the SSP for three. BDK continues the beatdown after the match, clearing them out of the ring. Pinkie looks a bit like a psycho-Annie Warbucks after the match.

Main event is The Colony defending the Campeones de Parejas against The Order… YES MR. REMSBURG, its Ultramantis Black’s chance to topple CHIKARA.

ZOMBIE DELIRIOUS…and my dog is once again going crazy again for growls and screams. He is freaking running back and forth and barking like crazy. So is my dog.

UMB and Delirious trade front and back rakes as the mural of Keith Richards, Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones logo looks on…don’t know if they approve or dislike. Richards has sunglasses on so it’s difficult to read him. Bono and Madonna look too busy to care…arrogant jerks.

Fire Ant makes the hot tag and clears house while Soldier looks for the CHIKARA Special. Delirious breaks it up and blasts Soldier with the Panic Attack. Shadows Over Hell is aborted when Delirious hops over but he gets a rotating neckbreaker anyway. Fire Ant gets a close fall off the top rope senton. UMB gets an awesome throwing gutwrench suplex from the top that Solider barely (but clearly) saves. The Colony gets a brainbuster / diving saluting headbutt for a near fall. Fire Ant barely kicks out of two killer cobra clutch suplexes.

Crowd has been kinda dull on this one, but all four men have done so well that it’s a shame. Fall one concludes when Fire Ant gets an unbreakable roll up for three. Then everyone kills each other… and here comes Ares… he’s holding the Eye of Tyr in his hand. Ares whispers in his ear and Delirious goes nuts and running out of the building! UMB is quickly rolled up for three and the retention as Ares smiles at having taken away what UMB most desired.

This was a solid card as far as in the ring action and everyone seemed to be on top of their game tonight… unfortunately the crowd was one of those passive ones…politely clapping and cheering here and there, but not overtly getting into the action and losing themselves in the event. Kingston vs. Akuma and the eight-man atomicos match made for a worthy watch, but this was probably the least favorite of the three shows I’ve watched thus far in my CHIKARA catch-up.

CHIKARA: Wit, Verve & A Bit O’ Nerve 03/20/10—Easton, PA

Luckily I have all three!

Gavin Loudspeaker speaks loud (my volume is turned up). He is about to sing a song, until Hall and Nash, Claudio and Ares come out to ruin the fun, choking out Gavin, breaking his guitar into pieces and cutting a promo in ze Germahn. Claudio freaking manhandles him and he won’t stop until Gavin announces The Colony for the title match right now!

Here come The Colony and UHOH IT’S A DANG TRAP JETHRO. The rest of the BDK are out to surround The Colony…until the CHIKARA technicos come out and it’s a stand-off. There is a line in the proverbial sand that will be crossed in the Rubicon or something. Acting CHIKARA Commissioner of Fun Dieter Von Steigerwalt pull the BDK off the line, clearly outnumbered for the first time in this feud. Quackenbush does a stutter-step, backing them off even further. The BDK slink away, but make their cross insignia at the entrance way. Now THAT was a cool little deal right there. I also like the fan’s taunting BDK- “Have a nice day!” YEAH, you tell ‘em kid!

Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze vs. Los Ice Creams: I’m beginning to think that the U.S. government should start playing the BDK theme song to torture suspected terrorists. Apparently everyone loves ice cream, except the BDK. How profane. Well I can understand with Sara anyway, don’t want to let them go to her thighs and all. UMB is on commentary, although he is not so much a jovial mood, which is understandable. The camera focuses in on one of Los Ice Creams trying to hide some Sprinkles!

Hmmm, eventually I imagine we’ll start to have some sort of match here. Los Ice Creams tease the girls and trick them with high-pitched “booop” yells, mocking “okay” when put in a headlock, and pinching Haze in the butt. Those rascally scoops of ice cream. The fun ends early though as Haze and Del Rey start to attack. Del Rey is a killer. I wouldn’t try to pinch her butt if I was one of those ice creams-she might try to turn them into milkshakes, and well you know, boys in the yard and all that.

Haze goes for the “Oh I’m a Girl Don’t Hit Me” and unfortunately even the rudo El Hijo de Ice Cream falls for it. The Ice creams trade rudo-for-rudo act as El Hijo coughs right in Haze’s face and then twists her hair into a mare. A minute later Haze piledrives one of them into the mat, followed by a Haze German Suplex for three.

Tursas vs. Green Ant—oh man, Green may be beaten up even worse than when he fought Brodie Lee. What is it about Green Ant that makes him want to fight these bigger men and get stomped for it? Gavin Loudspeaker finally gets a verbal jab on Jakob Hammermeir. Good crowd taunt: “Give some of your weight to Daizee Haze!” I got 30 seconds in the pool. Ulp I lose, but so does Green Ant. Not even close. Tursas doesn’t even have to put a boot on him, just stand over him after a powerbomb. Well, not like he was gonna kick out anyway. A splash for good measure. YEESH.

Non-BDK action as Unstable fights Osirian Portal. It’s a solid and entertaining mid-card tag with the crowd responding well to the high flying action early on, which then carries through then to the rest of the match. Gerard and STIGMA have their work boots on tonight. So does Ophidian, who gets to shine bright with some amazing lucha passes, dodges, headscissors and spinning school boys. Good fun stuff here and a welcome break from BDK decimation. Portal wins after a roll-up following a breathtaking sequence with among other moves, Amasis doing a freaking Booker T-esque Houston / Harlem Hangover from the top! Amasis limps away, maybe hurt from the move. Surprisingly, Gerard offers a handshake, but the OP (yeah you know me) aren’t down with that. HMM.

Gerard and STIGMA follow them to the back and catch up with them at the promo station. Gerard thanks them for the opportunity wishes them luck getting three points??? Then STIGMA puts Ophidian’s hand in his and shakes it??? Who are these people and what have they done with The UnStable?

Lince Dorado vs. Jimmy Equinox Olsen as Future Is Now explodes! Lince tries to sneak up on Olsen at the entrance way, but Olsen knows he’s coming and goes right for him. The bell doesn’t ring for this match yet as they brawl around the ring, and Lince blocks Olsen’s KO punch with a chair and Olsen writhes in pain. Finally in the ring and bell sounds. Lince gets a fancy move and ZE GERMAHN JUDGE gives it a Ten, literally with a scorecard. What bias! It was clearly a 9.9. Hammermeier then gives an Olsen flying dropkick a 0.0. Well, someone’s clearly blind. At one point, Lince grabs skinny security kid number one by the hair and pulls him in front of him so that Olsen lands a suicide dive right into him. Jimmy Olsen on commentary made that same joke by the way, thirty seconds after I type this. Then Lince does an Asai twist moonsault on the outside and there are lots of downed bodies!

Olsen applies the CHIKARA Special, but Lince just scrapes his boot into the face to break it up. Is that all it really took to break the hold? Man, someone should have just told UMB to look up basic anatomy a long time ago—it would have saved us all the trouble. That does put into question the technicos using the CHIKARA Special now—if all the heels in the BDK know the reversals, what’s the point of applying it on them? Even worse for the technicos, is that BDK uses the Reverse CHIKARA Special and so far that has proven to be a match-ender and NONE of the good guys know a reversal out of it.

Finish is—get this—a SHOOTING STAR version of SHADOWS OVER HELL by Lince for the pinfall. BDK three, CHIKARA, a plain bagel.

Oh my god, OH MY GOD. It’s the battle we’ve all been waiting for—it’s the showdown of the Alberta Northwest…its 2.0 (Shane Mathews & Jagged) versus Chad & Brad Badd, THE BADD BOYS! Loser leaves CHIKARA!

Here comes The Badd Boys now…but no sign of 2.0. Where the hell are they? Did they get held up at the Canadian border again? Bryce counts…and counts… and counts (a twenty-count can be very long time)… I start opening up some web pages, feed the dog a treat…ah there we go, twenty. The BADD BOYS HAVE WON THIS EPIC WAR OF ATTRITION. Oh wait, they say they have a special revelation to make…no…no! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY ARE 2.0!!!!!!! The world has completely turned upside down (or maybe it’s just me laying upside down on my living room couch), cats living with dogs (or maybe just my dog with my sister’s two cats), it’s raining men, it;s breaking down in Tulsa, it’s, it’s…

Eh, I knew it all along.

2.0 d3clar3s th3y hav3 upgrad3d to 3.0. This could be the start of a beautiful new tag team friendship…based off an alter ego based off a previous tag team. So.

Uh-oh F.I.S.T. have surrounded the ring… this don’t look good for our newly crowned heroes! Oh no! Icarus’s face has been violently cut off by Smart Mark Video! This is truly a day for infamy. Icarus runs down 2.0 / Badd Boys / 3.0 / your mama, but 3.0 promises to prove themselves at F.I.S.T.’s expense.

Dasher Hatfield continues the CHIKARA technicos’ quest for revenge against Tim Donst. Another awesome promo from Donst by the way—he has hit it out of the park on every show now. Lovin’ that Dasher has his baseball bat and a bag of Big League Chew. There’s also some T-shirt shenanigans before the match, which upsets Donst greatly.

The story of the match is Dasher using his baseball related moves, but Donst goading Dasher into a whiff on a punch, hitting the turnbuckle, and from there Donst dissects the arm, hand and wrist.

Oh man…Donst’s villainy knows no bounds, getting revenge for the T-shirt throwing at the beginning of the match by stripping Dasher and twisting his nipples! This is a family show! Donst runs the bases, errr ropes, but Donst hits the post… and then all of the fans help Donst make a wish!!!!! The ultimate in fan participation! That charges up the crowd for the rest of the way. Donst again steals the Hydra Lock, but Dasher one-ups him by countering with a roll-up, then applying his own, and throwing some more Hydra trademarks. Dasher tried for a chokeslam, but Donst bites his hand! EW! Someone’s getting a Tetanus shot after this match!

In a cute moment outside, Dasher grabs a fans bottle of cold Coca-Cola to apply to the bitten hand to relieve some pain. Both men make it in before the twenty-count and the match continues! BOO-YAY/ BOO-YAY- BOOYAH! Wait no, that was the last segment. GRAND SLAM Powerslam from the top! Donst has the ropes to break it up! Donst rolls up Dasher with the ropes for the three-count to retain the Young Lions Cup. BDK 4, CHIKARA 0. Is there a mercy rule or some such that applies here?

The 8-Man Atomicos match specialty of the night is Quacksaw & Incoherence vs. F.I.S.T. & The Order of UMB & Crossbones. UMB is wearing a pink tipped mask and belt because it is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I love that the fans go crazy for the good guys—their enthusiasm and reaction to the top technicos is very praiseworthy. The wrestlers give them something to validate those cheers, especially from Quack and Jig, who are in top form on this one—everything they do in this match is on another level compared to the others, crisp execution. The same can’t be said one-hundred percent of the time for the others involved (particularly Ultramantis which is a surprise considering he’s usually very dependable in the ring) but the effort is there for the most part.

Frightmare takes down Crossbones with the Matrix avoidances into a neckbreaker and the Kneecolepsy for three! It’s treated as a huge win for Frightmare as the technicos lift him on the shoulders and the crowd erupts for him—good on him. Quack puts Frightmare huge and says he should go after the Young Lions Cup.

Quack and Jig go to the back for a promo, while UMB wants to talk to them. “I come in peace”- excellent. What’s next-“come with me if you want to live”? He offers that rudos and technicos come together to fight the BDK. Quack quickly rebuffs him as the BDK insurrection as fault of UMB. Well. Quack was kind of a jerk there, wasn’t he? You’d think he’d take all the help he could get.

Nice bit of crowd interaction with Bryce and Gavin getting the front row to do a drum roll. Easton definitely is one of the better fan-interaction venues. Women and children avert your eyes—the BDK is coming to collect the Campeones de Parejas. Ares & Claudio vs. Fire & Solider Ant. They’re not alone either, as once again the BDK is surrounding the ring with Lince, Pink Ant & Tursas out at ringside. Nothing really Bryce can do about it on his own either. Apparently, everyone in the back is too busy playing Parcheesi and so this time, no one else comes out to buffer the BDK presence. FAIL.

The Ants pay for it because they are attacked by the rest of BDK. Tursas powerbombs Solider into the wall—the non-rubber part of it anyway. Finally the BDK junior members leave, having done the damage. Ares with the Tiger Bomb for three as the first fall takes all of five seconds. What was that about a mercy rule?

Ares & Claudio attack during the thirty second rest period. They have broken just about all of the rules in CHIKARA over the last four shows and have not received any sort of repercussions for it. Claudio brushes off Puny Ant and powers him over. Ares does much the same. Then they demolish Fire Ant together by smashing him into the ring. I hate to go all Yogi Berra on you, but it ain’t over, it’s just over.

Solider finally is crawling up to the ring, but even if Fire Ant, who has been taking a giant-sized annual ass kicking, makes it over, he is in no condition to do much of anything. Fire Ant keeps firing back with forearms, but its clear there no much on them and Claudio just tees off on him in the corner.

Finally the Ants get a break as Solider headscissors Ares into the mat on the outside and Fire Ant rolls out for the legal lucha tag. Solider gets some flying saluting dives and is taking it to Claudio, but Ares is in without a tag to interfere. Solider ducks under Ares’ closeline and does a suicide salute dive onto Claudio on the outside. Solider continues to scratch and claw his way back with a diving headbutt on Ares for a close fall! Solider floats into the CHIKARA Special and Claudio kicks him in the face, but Solider holds on! Until Claudio uppercuts him off of Ares.

BDK back on offense and that means Claudio killing Ants with running uppercuts. German Suplex for two. Riccola is stopped by Fire Ant as they do a (highly illegal) double pin for only two. That’s the closest they’ve come… Fire Ant with a roll up for a close two. Pop Up European! But Fire Ant kicks out at one! RUNNING LARIAT! RICOLLA BOMB!!!!! TWO COUNT!!!! Woah, even I thought that’d be it… Claudio with the UFO spin, but Fire Ant with The Heat of the Moment stunner, HUGE KICK…and AGAIN!

Ares is choking Soldier Ant on the outside. Fire Ant to the top but Claudio catches him… but Solider dumps Ares and prevents Fire from going over…ANTS GO MARCHING but Ares pulls Fire Ant off to the outside! Ares and Solider are the legal men. Monstrous BLUE THUNDER BOMB only for two! Spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker…only for two!

Bicycle Kick / Senton only gets two! The Ants refuse to die! Fire Ant with his spinning back brain kick from the top to Ares then a springboard flip over the ropes. TKO from Solider Ant. But Tursas pulls Bryce OUT! C’mon that’s obviously a DQ call that doesn’t happen (note: apparently Bryce wrote a blog stating just as much, apologizing for not calling it). Bryce is busy pulling the big and tall dude to the back, which allows Claudio to ram Solider’s head into the ring steps, then a DOOMSDAY EUROPEAN DEVICE! Three-count.

The BDK are the new CHIKARA Campeones de Parejas, but damned if The Ants didn’t almost put a stop to it. Ares & Claudio form a cross with the belts and hightail it out of there.

The fans are still way behind The Colony and give them a huge shouting ovation and applause for surviving.

Again, just like the first all-out battle at A Touch of Class, they played the domination and epic-rally cards and it worked wonders. I’m also amazed the BDK killing CHIKARA for the entire show didn’t end up as a morale-killer for the live crowd, although the company did and does continue to receive criticism from some on fan forums that the BDK angle is way too much. Through four shows, the story is BDK routing CHIKARA, but there is still plenty of time in the season for that to turn around. It’s just a cross-your-fingers, hope you’ve learned from history sort of feeling from those who follow the show that Quackenbush and company don’t forget the part about CHIKARA coming back and winning.

The Moral of the Story:

1. BDK Domination is necessary, but can be somewhat annoying when you watch four DVDs in four days.

5. In the end, there was great effort from the wrestlers, but it’s the fans who put some of these shows over the top—their chants, their support and the family friendly atmosphere allows for more positivity for wrestlers even when they job out or mess up a move. The fans also bring some creativity in terms of chants, the props they bring to the show (like the mini-mushroom for Uno and the sprinkles for Los Ice Creams). They bring down the house with boos for Jakob Hammermeier, who was a virtual unknown to them just a few months ago. Their interaction with the wrestlers and other CHIKARA personnel add the subtle but important touches to the show.

Head on over to TwitterNation and follow me at: http://twitter.com/AriBerenstein.

If you’re interested in getting into MMA or any strength / conditioning program, then visit MMAprofightshop.com for your fight gear and equipment needs. The website is run by my good friend Dave Maswary, who is a wrestler, martial artist and aspiring MMA fighter. He’s trained and prepped with accomplished MMA guys in Brazil and is overall good people. Check out the website and join his Facebook Page.

Ryan Byers covers The Osirian Portal’s journey to Japan in this week’s Into the Indies.

You can always catch up with more CHIKARA shows and reviews with BIRTHDAY BOY Kevin Ford’s CHIKARA Special column on this very website, or his personal blog http://chikaraspecial.wordpress.com/.

It’s Byers versus Berman in this week’s 411Mania Buy or Sell.

Weyer Spotlights notable jobbers throughout wrestling history.

That will cover it for this week and next time it’s an in-depth preview of ROH Death Before Dishonor VIII. Thanks for reading!

BROOKLYN!
–Ari–