wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling News Experience: 09.27.10

September 27, 2010 | Posted by Stephen Randle

Monday, September 20th, 2010

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

The Only Thing Garfield Likes About Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I left Michael Vick on my fantasy football bench this week. In my defense, I started a guy who threw for 500 yards last week. Also in my defense, I know very little about football.

Before we move on, some people were upset that last week I referred to America as a wasteland in a downward spiral on the road to hell. Or words to that effect. They think that sanity and calm rationality is not the answer to America’s woes. And them I say, you are absolutely correct. That’s why The Wrestling News Experience is proud to sponsor the following:

That’s right, America. Keep living in fear, for a better tomorrow. Plus, it’ll make it really easy when the moose-mounted battalions of the Canadian army stream over the Northern border. You fools! You’re trying to build a wall on the wrong border!

Moving on.

Last week, we threw all the long, drawn-out setups out the window because there were only two more weeks until the next WWE PPV. And since it’s a week later, there’s a scant one week to go before Hell in a Cell. Even more importantly, it’s only four more weeks until Bragging Rights!

So, Randy Orton was quick to accept the long-standing “rematch clause” challenge from Sheamus, but for an additional wrinkle, the match will take place in…well, you know the name of the PPV, you can probably guess. But before that, Orton has agreed to face Chris Jericho tonight, and if Jericho can somehow beat the Champion, he will get a title shot. Can Jericho de-rail The Viper’s momentum?

Meanwhile, the war between John Cena and the Nexus looks to have come to a climax, as Cena will face Barrett one-on-one at HIAC, and if Cena loses, he must join the Nexus, but if Barrett loses, the Nexus is gone. One can only imagine what Nexus will do tonight in order to put Cena at a severe disadvantage heading into the PPV.

Plus, despite losing a title match on Smacdown, the Hart Dynasty will get another shot at Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre. And a battle royal will take place to determine LayCool’s next challenger for the new Unified Divas’ championship! All this and more, it’s on tape but it’s new to you, tonight on Raw!

A Giant Loss

Famed gigantic wrestler Jorge Gonzales, known as “El Gigante” and “Giant Gonzales” during runs with WCW and WWE, passed away last week after a long battle with complications from diabetes. While he was never known for his wrestling ability, Gonzales was a truly impressive sight to behold, and faced many of the industry’s top stars during his time in the spotlight, including The Undertaker at WrestleMania IX, a match which he lost only via disqualification, which could be argued to be the only possible blemish on The Streak. And really, if the options are to not be remembered at all, or be remembered for wearing a giant airbrushed bodysuit, I’d probably pick the suit. The thoughts and prayers of everyone here at the Experience are with Gonzales’ family and friends.

Guest Stars Return!

After WWE reached the 1 year mark with Guest Hosts, they seemed to (as most people expected) get bored with the gimmick and let it peter out, with the last now-renamed “Guest Stars” were the cast of Going The Distance, in an appearance that was about as well-received as the movie itself (and yet it probably still out-earned Legendary). Well, fear not, those who for some reason missed Guest Stars, as they will be returning starting next week, and for all of October! Why, just look at the star-studded list of celebrities you’ll be seeing in the upcoming weeks:

Oct 4: Johnny Knoxville
Oct 11: Danny McBridge
Oct 18: Bobb’e J. Thompson
Oct 25: Toby Keith

Well…they can’t all be Bob Barker, I guess.

Mrs. Sforcina Has A Message For You

Late on Sunday, TNA Knockout Tara took to her MySpace page to discuss the fact that as a result of her former obsessions with suntanning, she had contracted a minor form of skin cancer. Fortunately, it was discovered early enough that the cancer could be excised and should be completely gone, but Tara felt that the time was right to offer a PSA about the benefits of wearing sunscreen and also being aware and checking for potential cancer threats with your doctor.

This comes at a strangely coincidental time, as I had been noting more and more lately that the stars of WWE are all massively tanned, to the point that some of them seem to have changed ethnicities. Could this be a massive conspiracy within WWE just to make Sheamus look even whiter? Because if it is, it’s working.

Chris Jericho, Heel

“The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.” – Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

And that may be, but it’s also a place where Matt Hardy posts increasingly odd YouTube videos that he seems to think will get him a job somewhere once he gets turfed out of WWE. Frankly, if WWE keeps him sitting at home for another week or two, he’ll probably end up posting a video where he does something really stupid and blackballs himself from the industry forever.

But I digress, because while Matt Hardy may think he’s the Internet’s favourite wrestler, the truth is that Chris Jericho is another man who is not averse to lowering himself to communicating with his fanbase in cyberspace. That was an unfortunate rhyme, anyway, the difference is, Chris Jericho is supposed to be a bad guy, and since he’s a guy who actually understands the business and that heels getting cheers is a bad thing when you want to create big babyface stars, Jericho often uses the Internet for, let’s say, nefarious purposes.

Such was the case this past week, when Jericho mocked everyone who was apparently upset that he reneged on his promise to retire at Night of Champions, because, after all, he’s a heel, he’s allowed to do things like lie. My real question is, who was upset that Chris Jericho did NOT leave WWE after Night of Champions? Were there people who were counting the days until the land of pro wrestling would be Jericho-free? And if these people do, in fact, exist, could you all swing by my apartment sometime so I can slap you sharply across the face and send you on your way?

So, on the “Jericho works the Internet” scale, I still have to put this one below the time he berated match reviewers for failing to give RVD-Jericho from King of the Ring 2002 a four-star rating, and also just beneath his Twitter war with The Miz. Sorry, Jericho, better luck next time.

That’s right, like I threatened, it’s the return of our newest feature. And every week that my prediction is not correct (on the high end only, no prizes for TNA failing), I will send Dixie Carter twenty dollars*. But for every week I’m right, TNA owes me a dollar. Let’s see who ends up with more money, shall we? We’ll even by nice and not back-date this to the start of the year.

As always, this is the official TWNE Impact Ratings Prediction:

For the past week, TNA Impact’s ratings were within +/- 0.3 ratings points of a 1.0.

Current Standings

TNA Owes Me: $1
I Owe TNA: $0

* – As far as you know.

1. Randy Orton

Nobody in wrestling is riding a bigger wave of momentum that Randy Orton, as he got the better of Sheamus once again, and now looks to take on Chris Jericho tonight, which will probably be a pretty good match. Plus Jericho already insulted the Internet this week, so there won’t be anyone cheering for him instead of Orton, right?

2. John Cena

Maybe, just maybe, they’re thinking of putting Nexus over Cena and keeping the storyline going, but the fact that Cena pretty effortlessly steamrolled through most of the team seems to signify that the winds of change are indeed blowing away from Barrett and company.

3. The Undertaker

Hey, who knew that all it takes for the Undertaker to recover his powers was the return of Paul Bearer and the urn? I mean, besides anyone who’s been watching his gimmick for the past twenty years. Still, it’s a gimmick that always works, so who are we to argue?

4. Alberto Del Rio

Don’t look now, but Del Rio’s taken out a good portion of the Smackdown mid-card, and definitely is going to be kind of a big deal in the very near future. An announced match with Rey Mysterio this week can only serve to raise his status.

5. AJ Styles

A decent ladder match with Sabu, as Styles seems to be back on track after a few weeks of taking a back seat to Ric Flair, and can potentially steal the show in the Lethal Lockdown match at BFG.

6. CM Punk

Decisively rid himself of the useless SES this week, and while one can’t help but feel bad for Gallows and Mercury, one is also easily distracted by Punk’s hilarious commentary during NXT.

7. Daniel Bryan

Please, I could give him this spot based on the change in entrance music alone. When WWE ponies up for “Ride of the Valkyries”, you know they have plans for that guy.

8. John Morrison

Speaking of guys WWE has plans for, Morrison might be back on a winning track himself, giving a good showing against Sheamus two weeks ago, and beating Chris Jericho again this past week. WWE squandered him for most of 2010, can the Shaman of Sexy end the year on a good note?

9. Samoa Joe

Beats The Pope with relative ease in a decent match, but Pope’s the one with the storyline while Joe just kills people and walks off? Is the sun setting on the Samoan Submission Machine’s TNA career?

10. Kaitlyn

Has been established as the dark horse to win NXT Season 3, even though the “powers that be” are clearly pushing to tilt the odds towards AJ. Really, they’ll probably all make it onto the roster at some point, so who cares?

Inactive List as of 09.20.10

WWE Raw

– Ezekiel Jackson, out 6 months as of April 10th (torn quad)
– Skip Sheffield, out indefinitely as of August 20th (broken ankle)
– Triple H, out indefinitely (arm surgery)

WWE SmackDown

– Beth Phoenix, out indefinitely as of May 14th (torn ACL)
– Matt Hardy, out indefinitely as of September 20th (suspension)
– Rey Mysterio, out until October 1st as of August 28th (kayfabe, broken arm)
– Tiffany, out indefinitely as of August 14th (suspension)

TNA

– Rob Van Dam, out indefinitely as of August 19th (kayfabe, injury)

Transactions

– Christian, SD!, out six months as of September 24th (torn pectoral)

– Mickie James, TNA, signed to a new contract, expected to debut at Bound For Glory

– Paul Bearer, SD!, returned to television on September 24th Smackdown

WWE

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
– 8 day reign, defeated former champion Sheamus, Wade Barrett, John Cena, Edge, and Chris Jericho in a Six Pack Elimination Challenge on September 19th (Night of Champions PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Sheamus, Hell in a Cell match, HIAC PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Kane
– 71 day reign, defeated Rey Mysterio by cashing in Money in the Bank on July 18th (Money in the Bank PPV)
– Next title defense: vs The Undertaker, Hell in a Cell match, HIAC PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Dolph Ziggler
– 52 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on August 6th (Smackdown)

WWE United States Champion: Daniel Bryan
– 8 day reign, defeated The Miz on September 19th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes
– 8 day reign, won a Tag Team Turmoil match involving former champions The Hart Dynasty, Santino/Kozlov, The Usos, and Bourne/Henry on September 19th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Unified Divas’ Co-Champions: Michelle McCool and Layla
– 8 day reign, defeated former Diva’s Champion Melina to unify the titles on September 19th
– prior to unification, 122 day reign as Women’s Co-Champions

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: VACANT
– title vacated due to storyline injury to former champion Rob Van Dam
– Next title match: Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy, Bound For Glory PPV

TNA Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns
– 78 day reign, defeated Beer Money Inc on July 11th (Victory Road PPV) to win the vacant titles

**NEW** TNA X-Division Champion: Amazing Red
– 2 day reign, defeated Jay Lethal on September 23rd (TNA house show)

**NEWER** TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal
– 2 day reign, defeated Amazing Red on September 25th (TNA house show)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
– 46 day reign, defeated Madison Rayne on August 12th Impact

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Taylor Wilde and Hamada
– 53 day reign, defeated The Beautiful People on August 5th (Impact)

TNA Television Champion: AJ Styles
– 67 day reign, defeated Rob Terry on July 22nd (Impact)

Larry has the 5&1

Harrison has the Bell-to-Bell News Report

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Ford has The CHIKARA Special

Ari has Column of Honor.

Hubbard has The Contentious Ten

Thomas has The 4R’s.

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Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.