Thoughts from the Gorilla Position 10.27.10: WWE, Who Is Booking This Sh!t?

WWE, Who is booking this shit??

Rumour had it that Vince Russo left the WWE a LONG time ago. He took his one trick pony, shock jock, travelling comedy show ass out of town and left in his wake, some relatively respectable students of the business whose task it was to write exciting and interesting weekly episodic tv and PPV matches. At least that is what I THOUGHT had happened. Perhaps I went nappy wappy and missed something because according to what I just witnessed during the Bragging Rights PPV and then on the follow up RAW, Russo may well have snuck in the back door and WWE just hasn’t found out yet.

Let’s review. At Bragging Rights, John Cena is booked to win gold on a PPV and it isn’t even advertised. Nexus, for no other reason than just “because they were there” (or as they explained on RAW, something about “they had their reasons”) took out the Undertaker. I’m not suggesting that I don’t understand that Taker had to lose in order to take some time off. I’m even ok with him getting tossed around like a sissy. But I DO have a problem with the unoriginal booking… That Nexus did it “just because”… Lame… That reeks of the HIAC PPV, where creative, just wrote two random jobbers (Husky Buffy and Mr. Goodypants) doing a random run by to cost Cena the match. In the main event, Wade Barrett, who has been on the receiving end of a significant build and who had been poised to be a legitimate threat to someone’s championship, was made to look absolutely weak, needy, and incapable of being able to get the job done on his own. Well done.

Fast forward to RAW. We get subjected to one half of the (at the time) newest tag team champions David Otunga laying down for the Wendy’s chick to pin him (resulting in the tag team belts changing hands AGAIN).

[Editor’s note: One minute they unify the belts to make them marketable and significant, and then they treat them like shitty little “you participated” medals you got for showing up to t-ball every week, and hand them around to whoever.]

Then Sheaumus (remember this guy has been the champ, and is THE guy that took HHH out) gets rolled up by Santino Marella (who is at best a comedy act). Finally you have Wade Barrett ordering up matches like he’s pointing out fat chicks at a wedding reception.

Add to all of this, Hornswoggle (who has forgot how to talk or something) and Big Show starring in a movie featuring “high points” such as him farting and dumping on a bus. Wow… And which company is supposed to be the top dog? It’s getting REE LEE hard to tell isn’t it?

People used to rip apart Stephanie McMahon when she was overseeing all the creative content. While her and her huge boobs tend to other matters (one is serving as a permanent feeding station for the latest addition to the large nosed one’s brood, while the other might be aiding Vince in a lame attempt at playing tether ball with the butler), it seems NO ONE is steering the ship.

Sadly we had JUST been going through a period where feuds had gotten interesting. In fact, the storylines had bordered on smart and compelling. Batista had finally found his true heel JUST as he got mad and stormed out the door. He should never have been a face, and never a mild heel, he was meant to be a MONSTER HEEL. You know, the kind of guy that would kick the shit out of his grandma to get her last caramel.

Jericho was untouchable. Whether it was the post match close ups where he was second guessing himself after losing a match, or his plain ole arrogance and cockiness with anyone in the ring. He had finished a run with Edge resulting in a great match at Wrestlemania. The Nexus angle itself even had promise from the outset. We’d all seen the basic premise before (nWo invasion angle within WCW, WCW invades WWE back in 2001). But for some reason, the Nexus “running amok” within the WWE with the “post NXT blues” for some reason felt fresh. Randy Orton had been having some good bouts with Legacy either as a 2 on 1 or as a three way dance.

The sad fact is that while the product can go through ups and downs of dramatic proportions, the average fan seems to do nothing more than merely bitch and moan. We don’t stop tuning in, we don’t keep our money in our pockets, we DON’T say no to locally held events, and we don’t even seem to change our PPV purchase habits all that much. And why is that? Simple. There’s nothing else to watch! While we’re holding our nose from the smell of the shit on tv, what lies “on the other side of the proverbial fence”. Is actually worse! The grass over there has been pissed on and dumped on by cows and dogs and drunken prostitutes. It’s that place that the REAL Vince Russo lives, and ho lee shit he spins a web that makes everything else pale in comparison. So should we consider ourselves lucky? Hardly…

Considering how bad WE think it is, can you imagine what poor Sheamus is thinking? Pip pip talley hoe, I get to wrestle me blumpkin with Triple Haytch on da grandest stage oove thum ool, and then afters me match that I rooghtly deserved to win, I gots me revenge. In fact, I gots to fancy dumpin his roidy ass on the ground afters a good Dooblin beatin that he won’t aver ferget. And tis be time for him to leave your tube for uh time whiles he mends his bum. You better believe that fella. What, no eye goots to do da job to dat cracker barrel unibrow faggy bye who carries in his pyrse dat Beth Pheonix’s lydie plugs? You’ve got to be loosin yer wits about ya fella!

And I would have to agree with every word he said… Especially Fella…

And what about The Miz? Could that guy be made to look any more like a pussy? One minute he is on target for a push for one of the two big belts, and the next he’s dragging that girlfriend of his Alex Riley everywhere he goes. He never wins clean and at best, he has evolved into nothing other than Daniel Bryan’s personal bitch, to be used as a stretching device, and in general, for his personal amusement. Meanwhile that little muppet smiles and grins like he thinks he’s supposed to be posing for polaroids in your momma’s basement.

Is Vince too busy looking for that magical third crowning jewel? He has tried football (we all probably haven’t washed the stink of the XFL off our clothes). He tried Tough Enough (to moderate popularity, but not McMahon level success). He did NXT, well actually, he’s still DOING NXT.

[Editor’s note: Bring on the hate comments…]

It’s now focused on women’s wrestling and well, on it’s BEST day the ladies division is painful, and on it’s worst it’s just fucking awful. There have been some great women’s wrestlers (most recently I might put Lita and Trish in that category) but there is little on the payroll as we speak. Vince is intent on finding the trifecta and at times it almost borders on obsession. And IMPO when he’s in this mode, his “big two” suffer.

Speculation can run rampant about whether Vinnie Mac has gotten too caught up with his wife’s political ambitions. He seems to be logging lots of wwe.com time with his 2:00 minute “screw you we have money and we’ll use it however I want” spots. Sadly, for all the cash they have dumped into that campaign, Linda will be more likely to win a beauty contest at the county fair then a senate seat. Say what you will about what level of involvement he MAY has, I am betting it’s a lot more then we see. He’s OCD, he can’t help himself. Senate equals power, and power means “if we get in, we’ll have more power, and we’ll get them to piss off and leave wrestling alone once and for all.” What, you didn’t think that’s why she was running in the first place?

One thing I DON’T think is contributing is the focus on a PG rating. I think the only thing that PG has taken away is gratuitous use of boobs and blood and I have always maintained that it’s one of the LEAST important aspects of wrestling. I mean, I like boobs, don’t get me wrong. But let’s just keep them NEAR the ring, not in it.

What’s next? Sadly, I suspect we’ll all still tune in to find out. We’re suckers for punishment. And I confess, for guys like me, it’s almost more fun when everything IS a train wreck. Then I have more to bitch and whine about. However, if you want to hang onto me for the right reasons, if you want to feed your base, if you want to develop and maintain hardcore wrestling fans who love the sport, give them compelling characters, give me top notch in ring skill and sprinkle them into some riveting storylines… And quit feeding me this shit.