The 411 Wrestling Top 5 12.15.10: Week 105 – Foreign Objects

Hello everyone and welcome to 411 Wrestling’s Top 5 List. What we are going to is take a topic each week and all the writers here on 411 wrestling will have the ability to give us their Top 5 on said topic, plus up to three honorable mentions. Most of our topics will be based on recent events in the Wrestling World, looking at those events that make us think of times past.

With WWE doing their Tables, Ladders, and Chairs PPV this weekend, we thought it would be kinda cool to look at all the foreign objects used over the years and see what our favorites are.

So what did our group of writers select? Let’s find out…

Michael Ornelas

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Steel Chair – When non-wrestling fans think wrestling, they think steel chairs. Iconic, but my personal tastes have led me to choose the other five over this.

5. Brass Knuckles/Loaded Elbow – These make the list because they are easily hidden. William Regal’s “Power of the Punch” was well-concealed and EFFECTIVE. Same, to a degree, with Chris Hero’s elbow pad. They’re devastating weapons and easy to hide from a ref. A heel’s dream.

4. Trash Can – This makes the list because of the satisfying crunching sound AND visual you get from a (metal) trash can being put to use. And when it’s used for a Van Terminator, it’s that much better (usually the trash can is Shane McMahon’s coast-to-coast weapon of choice). A hardcore staple and really satisfying when used.

3. Barbed Wire – Brutal. Violent. Piercing. Barbed wire (usually attached to something else) is a staple in hardcore wrestling, and there are some very good matches that don’t overdo it. Foley vs. Edge, Foley vs. Orton, and a lot of the One Night Stand 2005/2006 matches spring to mind here. Definitely something that feels special when it’s brought out and is always sold like it’s the end of the world.

2. Table – Watching someone go crunch through a table always makes a match more fun. As an avid collector of wrestling action figures, I think that the best accessories, hands down, are the break-away tables. It’s so gratifying to see someone just demolish a table. I can appreciate that they put their bodies through this to entertain me. Growing up watching the Hardyz/Dudleyz/Edge & Christian era spoiled me…

1. Ladder – …and speaking of the Hardyz/Dudleyz/Edge & Christian era: LADDERS! There are so many unique spots that can be done with ladders and in every ladder match nowadays, we still see one or two new ones. Money in the Bank is always a fun implementation of this, and while there may be too many Superstars in the match, there can NEVER be too many ladders. Wrestlemania X happened, and I am grateful for the impact the Intercontinental championship match from that show has had on the industry.

Tony Acero

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Ducted Tape – Oh come on, tell me you didn’t LOVE the ending of eXtreme Rules where Cena used Duck Tape on Batista to hold onto the WWE Championship? hahaha.

5. Tables – I really like the concept of tables in a wrestling match. The crunching sound of a table exploding under a superstar is no joke, and who can forget the gash on Hardcore Holly’s back because of the table? But when it comes down to it, a table match itself is so simplistic (Right, Sheamus?) that it knocks tables down a notch in my book. If the table is not used as the match stipulation, there’s lots of fun to be had. Think back to the glory days of the Hardyz/Dudleyz/E&C days when there was more wood around the ring than a glory hole! Those were the days tables stood a chance to be number one on this list, but as it stands now…they’ve got the bottom rung.

4. Title Belts – Just seeing a Champion grab onto that belt and knowing what’s eventually coming towards the other opponent gets me all giddy. It shows character development and is meant to bring pain as well. I’d say it was used mostly in the early 2000’s (probably because there were so many belts then) but it’s been a traditional weapon probably for longer than I’ve been alive. I’ve never really tested being hit by one to see exactly how much it hurts, but according to Triple H, it hurts like hell.

3. Steel Chair – This is a staple of the wrestling world and yet it’s so simple! I’m hard pressed to put it first, but I have my own personal tastes to abide by. Nonetheless, the sickening sound of the perfect chair shot is nearly priceless and all that’s needed afterwards is a great sell. Whether it’s a small wrestler or someone as big as Brock Lesnar, a chairshot can hold so much impact on the audience.

2. Thumb Tacks – Maybe I’m weak, but if I get ONE of these in my damned foot, I feel pain. Seeing Mick Foley or Randy Orton rolling around in them to entertain me is something I’ll never forget. Maybe to them, it feels like acupuncture or perhaps Foley doesn’t feel a thing since he’s a psycho, but my personal opinion on thumb tacks into the skin isn’t a nice one. Nonetheless, the visual is appalling to no end. Sure, a steel chair sounds great and the crunch of a table makes you shy away a bit, but the sight of a man landing directly onto a pile of thumb tacks is practically cringeworthy.

1. Ladders – The Ladder Match has grown leaps and bounds since its inception. While I don’t recall the first one ever, I do recall my first ladder match and that was the very classic Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels for the UNIFIED Intercontinental Championship. While we didn’t have any John Morrison-esque stunts, they still brought a new and innovative way of wrestling into the fray and had me on the edge of my pre-teen yr old kiester. Nowadays, the ladder has been symbolic for 8 reigns as Money In The Bank has become a staple of WrestleMania (at least until this year, I’m assuming) and has created some of the greatest matches. Speaking of great ladder matches, check out Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Paul London here! What is that you say? That match has never happened? Oh I beg to differ!

Marc Elusive

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Fire Ball – Old school; nearly forgotten but still a classic. Ask Jerry Lawler.

Manager’s Weapon – Whether it be a megaphone or a tennis racket or a cane; the manager always has his/her signature tool to use against the opposition.

2×4 – Hooooooooo!

5. Championships (belt) – Whatever we are calling them nowadays, straps, titles, belts or championships; the (usually) heel champion (or challenger) would always find some way to use it to their advantage. Whether it be clobbering someone or tossing it to the opponent, à la Eddie Guerrero, to get them disqualified or confused and therefore pinned, the title belt is always a good choice against someone.

4. Table – Thanks to ECW, and eventually the Dudley Boyz in the WWE, the table would become one of the staples of hardcore. It would also become an easy crowd-popping device. The table has evolved from simple wooden tables into flaming ones or thumbtack, laden ones. Whatever the type, the result was always deadly.

3. Ladder – I was at the defining ladder match in MSG at WrestleMania X and watched it built from that to the Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian into the TLC and Money in the Bank matches of today. The ladder is now synonymous with “oohs” and “ahhs” from the fans; it also allows the pros to reach higher and come up with more and more (dangerous) convoluted spots to entertain us.

2. White Plastic Object (or Brass Knuckles) – Old school. From Ric Flair pulling that ominous white “tongue depressor” looking thing out of his tights, jabbing it into the throat of his opponent and then either stuffing it back into his tights or tossing it outside to Mr. Perfect or J.J. Dillon to William Regal’s “Power of the Punch”; this weapon has been in use in pro wrestling from the beginning. Almost exclusively heel, the timeless art of playing cat-and-mouse with the referee, even stuffing it into the OPPONENT’S trunks as a failsafe, this object has fallen many a babyface opponent throughout the years.

1. Steel Chair – How can this NOT be number one. The steel chair is synonymous with foreign object, international object or whatever. It is probably the oldest device used in pro wrestling. I cannot walk past a metal folding chair without thinking of waffling someone with it.

Chad Nevett

5. Steel Chair – It’s hard for something as overused like this to make the top of my list, but it’s impossible to leave chairs off the list. There’s a reason they’re used so much: they’re easy to use, they can be used for a variety of purposes, and they make a fantastic sound when hitting someone.

4. Ring Steps – Not used too often, but, when they are, they usually do some big time damage. They’re bulky and look like they take so much effort to get in the ring that you know there must be a reason to use them. They make the guy using them look bigger and stronger, and they can function both as a weapon to be carried and used to hit someone, and as something to smash someone onto.

3. Green Mist – Not only does this blind an opponent, but it leaves a visible mark. I’ve always been amazed that refs never seem to notice the big green stain on a wrestler’s face. It’s a completely obvious and ludicrous foreign object. Plus, it’s great for that ‘opponent ducks and wrong person gets it in the face’ move.

2. Microphone – So convenient for nailing someone mid-promo and mics can make that fantastic static sound as they cut out. I love that sound. For that sound alone, it places this high on my list.

1. Title Belt – Is there anything more symbolic of what a guy is willing to do to win than using a title belt to finish off his opponent? It’s that last-ditch effort using the very object they’re fighting over to put his opponent down. Not used as often as other items and has that extra meaning.

Ryan Byers

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Swords & Axes – I have to mention this just because I always have to laugh at the fact, when a sword or axe is involved in a wrestling angle, everybody uses the handle to attack but never the blade.

Lex Luger’s Bionic Forearm – The guy had a foreign object built into his arm. How do you get more badass than that?

5. Nothing – My favorite spots that involve a heel wrestler cheating by use of a foreign object are the ones where there’s actually no foreign object at all. Not familiar with what I’m talking about? Well, there was a period of time during which several wrestlers (Jerry Lawler is the one that stands out most in my mind) would pantomime pulling an object out of their tights or boots, hiding it in their fists, “hitting” their babyface opponent with it, and then disposing of the object. The catch was that, even though the face would sell it like they just got hit with something, there really was no object, and the fans just bought into the story because the guys telling it were so good at acting like there was a small international object that had been interjected into the bout.

4. Chains – Chains don’t get nearly enough love for their many uses in professional wrestling. First of all, you’ve got many wrestlers who made regular entrances with chains and occasionally used them when things got a little too rough, including the likes of Junkyard Dog, Bruiser Brody, and the Mighty Hercules. Chains have also been the focal point of many memorable gimmick matches, including the numerous Russian chain matches of Boris Malenko and the classic dog collar match between Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine from the first Starrcade. Then you’ve also got smaller, easier to conceal chains that can be pulled out of trunks or boots and used to aid with a big right hand, a tactic favored for a time by Jerry Lawler and later by Shane Douglas. Plus, as a loyal SHIMMER supporter, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that bright yellow, very loud, Playskool chain that was used by Portia Perez to kick off the turn that has made her into the best heel in women’s wrestling today.

3. Tables – I’m probably in the minority, but I think that the use of tables has gotten really boring over the past several years, mainly because the prop tables used in major promotions in the US look so flimsy and because the spots used to put people through tables are so contrived. However, when they first got some exposure in wrestling, tables were AWESOME. Randy Savage delivered a memorable piledriver to Ricky Morton atop a table in the 1980’s in Memphis, and Terry Funk did the same to Ric Flair in order to touch off their epic NWA Title feud. Things got consistently more awesome from there, including Brian Lee chokeslamming Tommy Dreamer off a balcony through four tables, the Bret Hart/Diesel table spot from the Survivor Series, and even Bubba Dudley diving off a stage to powerbomb Mae Young through some wood. I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the deadly Japanese table, which even today almost never seems to break and on more than one occasion was vertical suplexed by Mick Foley onto a hapless opponent. I’m not a huge fan of them in modern wrestling, but tables have given us some great historical moments.

2. Mist – Yes, I know it seems a bit cliche for the guy who writes about Japanese wrestling and wrestlers to talk about mist, but, honestly, I was a big mark for wrestlers using mist long before I was aware that pro wrestling even existed in other countries. The thing that I love most about the mist is that, if you’re got the right guy doing it, it’s almost impossible to anticipate. With tables, chairs, or most conventional foreign objects, the weapon is huge and almost impossible to hide. Meanwhile, if you’ve got a proficient mister, he can prep the spray completely undetected and bust it out at a pivotal point in the match. This has lead to some very memorable moments for me, including Great Muta misting Sting in mid-Stinger splash, Tajiri unleashing the mist into the mouth of a gay man attempting to kiss him, Muta escaping the Big Show’s chokeslam by misting him in midair, and many more. I’ve never had an real desire to be a wrestler, but, if I did, I would somehow have to work mist into my act.

1. Steel Chair – This is an easy first place pick in my mind. After all, what other foreign object in pro wrestling is so ubiquitous? The steel chair has had such an important role in pro wrestling over the years that, even if you were to ask a non-fan what item wrestlers often cheat by hitting each other with, they would be able to mention the chair. Long before ladders turned gimmick matches in to glorified stunt shows or things really got taken to the “extreme” with barbed wire and light tubes, the steel chair was there to add a little extra intensity to an angle. Think of all of the variations of how a steel chair has been used over the years: the classic shot over the back, the dangerous blow to the head, choking your opponent with a chair, Pillman-izing the ankle, Raven’s drop toe hold, the Irish whip through a row of chairs, the Van Daminator, the con-chair-to, the smashmouth, and many more. The steel chair has such history and versatility that I can’t imagine it not being number one.