One Fall 06.04.11: Chapters 9, 10, 11

For you, Joe, I combed through the Big Boss Man clips on Youtube. Knowing that everyone’s seen him getting hanged by the Undertaker, everyone’s watched his cage match with Hogan, and a fair number of you have probably viewed the clips on the Dibiase feud a few times, I grabbed a random and seldom-viewed promo for a house show from 1990. I like this one because of the line Mooney delivers at 0:53.

Thanks to Paul Roma for coming out of retirement again to help write Chapter 8, to Invader for giving me the one writing tip you never get at a workshop, and to everyone who had something to say last week, particularly those of you with compliments.

Links to previous chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapters 6 & 7
Chapter 8

The next three chapters are short, so you get them all at once. Looking forward to the response.

CHAPTER 9

Taken from www.wrestlinghotline.com

Greetings slugs.

Today is Tuesday, April 25th, and this is your Tuesday Morning Hangover, barely 6 hours removed from the biggest bender we wrestling fans have ever had on a Monday night.

This morning’s hangover isn’t one of those drink a bottle of Evian and all is forgiven types, nor is it one that can be fixed with some pancakes and a nap. No, slugs, it’s going to take a morning of prayer to the porcelain god and 6 ibuprofens to get past last night’s soiree, which started with a classy gin martini and ended with a bad batch of tequila. After the fourth dry heave, we’ll all swear never to do it again, but come next Monday, we’ll be back where we started.

Well, let’s get this over with…

The High Points:
GWA Burn – Where to start? Last night’s edition was probably the best episode of Burn since Gene Harold left for Revolution. The tournament was surprising, exciting, and fresh. The best matches were:

1. Crusader vs. Joey Mayhem – Unbelievable. What a great story, and a great way to get the new guy over. Crusader puts Joey through the ringer for ten minutes before Joey kicks out of the first cover and eventually comes back to win the match.

2. Joey Mayhem vs. Jumbo – This is what wrestling should be, stories told out in the ring. Last week’s melee between these two set up this rematch nicely, and since it was the finals of the tournament, with a shot at the GWA Championship in the balance, the stakes were high enough that even Jumbo’s plodding style couldn’t ruin the fun. The rumors that Joey Mayhem is getting shit backstage for his huge push make this match even more interesting. Was it just me, or did Joey take an awful beating in this match and the one with Crusader? Wouldn’t it be interesting if these rumors were all a work, and the stiff matches were just part of the ploy? Of course, that kind of subtlety isn’t Duke’s style.

3. Joey Mayhem vs. Lord Mayberry – Without question, Joey Mayhem was the star of last night’s show. With three good matches and a tournament victory, Joey has instantly established himself as a credible main-eventer. The match with Lord Mayberry was formulaic but fun. When Tyson Turner began winding up that chair, we all knew what was going to happen, but that didn’t stop the crowd from loving it. A great way to open a great show.

On the other side….
Revolution Riot

Lucifer vs. Red Jackson for the Revolution World Title – Those of you who missed this match are fools! We knew it was going to be great. We told you it was going to be great. Guess what – it was GREAT!

Forty minutes they went. By the way, that’s a record on free television. And they kept it interesting the whole time. Lucifer is the most creative, skilled, unbelievable athlete I have ever seen. Last night he was in the ring with the legend, and what the two of them did was just magical. The spectacle was so breathtaking I couldn’t sleep, and I wonder if it will ever be topped.

Congratulations to Lucifer, the new Revolution World Champion.

The News:
The Family Television Group appears to have made some inroads in its all-out war against GWA Burn. Last Wednesday, Fresha Cola announced it would pull all its advertising from Burn in response to the FTG’s concerns. Electronic Artistry, makers of several popular PC games, is expected to follow suit.

I don’t know about you, slugs, but to me, this is downright horrifying. This seemingly harmless little group of fascists, who have been a nuisance for years, but never a real threat to our favorite industry, all of a sudden has major corporations pulling the plug on their sponsorship of GWA Burn? This development scares me to the core. We all know that it won’t be long before Duke is cleaning up his show just to please these pansies.

And don’t think that just because Revolution Riot is flying beneath the radar right now that it won’t be next. I suspect the FTG is leaving Riot alone solely so they can concentrate all their efforts on one big target. But as soon as they’ve decimated Burn, leaving it a shell of its former self, rest assured they’ll turn their guns at Riot. Also don’t think that these do-gooders will go away if Burn cleans up its notoriously raunchy second hour. The FTG won’t be done until professional wrestling is off the air entirely or relegated exclusively to late-night cable and pay per view. That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to provide…

A Call to Action:
Slugs, it’s down to us to speak up against the evil of the FTG. They started the battle, but we have to finish it. Contrary to what we might believe, this is not a battle of words and ideas, it is a battle of noise. The winner of this battle will be the one who makes the biggest stink. The FTG is already organizing boycotts and negative publicity campaigns against the sponsors of GWA Burn. It is now our job to organize negative publicity against the sponsors of the FTG. As such, I am gathering a list of the FTG’s largest financial supporters and I intend to publish it on this web site. Next Tuesday, after I have completed collecting the information I need, I will post the list in next week’s Hangover. Once the list is up, it will be your job to dig in and start fighting.

Get ready. We’ve got work to do.

Until then slugs, this is Steve Garcia. Peace.

CHAPTER 10

Joey stacked his styrofoam plate with barbecued chicken and moved on to the potato salad. More so than the big crowds or the big pay checks, the real perk of wrestling for one of the majors was the backstage catering before the show. The Texas-style barbecue at the Alamodome before tonight’s non-televised show in San Antonio wasn’t the most extravagant meal, but it was good enough to bring out most of the performers and staff for a late lunch.

This Friday-night show was the first time the GWA locker room had re-convened since Joey’s tournament victory on Monday. Joey had flown to San Antonio from Memphis, where he had spent his days off fishing and drinking with his brother Mark. He was glad to return to the tour. The time off had been agonizing. He feared what the locker room might have said in his absence, and wanted to be in the thick of things in case his social standing backstage needed some damage control.

He topped off his plate with a roll, grabbed a lemonade, and scanned the tables set up across the loading dock in a makeshift cafeteria. As he looked at all the little cliques of wrestlers sitting together, and wondered which table would invite him to sit, he felt like he was back in junior high, trying to stake out his place on the popularity chain.

He saw Shane sitting at a table of veterans, and considered pulling up a chair next to him, but Crusader was also sitting at that table. Joey and Crusader hadn’t spoken a word since their match ended on Monday night. There was an empty chair at Jumbo’s table, but it was just Jumbo and his wife – that didn’t seem like an appropriate place for Joey to go either. Goliath was sitting with Duke, Joey would be accepted at that table, but sitting there would send the gossipers swarming that Joey was hanging out with the top brass again. There were several empty tables, he could sit at one of those. Of course, doing so might make him come across as aloof.

At the very back of the room, against the brick wall, Safire stood up, tossed her trash, and left, leaving Jade alone at a table. That was the one. Joey went straight for Safire’s vacated chair.

“Mind if I sit here?” he said.

“Fine by me,” said Jade.

From behind Jade, Bandit Thompson turned and watched Joey sit down. Joey ignored him.

“Did you get some potato salad?” said Jade. “There’s something spicy in it. It’s really good.”

“Yes, I got a good helping. How were your days off?”

“Not too bad. Yours?”

“They were fine. I went home to Memphis.”

“Do you have a woman back home?”

“No. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. Tried dating a few times since then, but the travel and the schedule, well, you know.”

“Yes, I do. Well, now that you’re a big star, maybe more dates will come your way.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

His mind shot back to the morning before, on the lake, in a rented fishing boat he’d paid for. Mark had been pushing for a fishing trip for weeks. After an hour of awkward pauses and forced conversation, Mark dropped a bomb. He needed money. He’d taken out a second mortgage on his house the year before and was in no place to pay it. He had eighteen thousand in credit card debt. If he didn’t get things under control he was going to have his car repossessed. After an hour of awkward financial talk, Joey agreed to give Mark ten thousand dollars, banking on good sales of his new T-shirt and a few pay per view performances that could spike his income. Mark didn’t seem to believe that Joey Mayhem, the superstar wrestler, was only making forty thousand dollars before incentives this first year on his contract.

Jade broke Joey’s daydream. “What, are you looking for someone who loves you and isn’t starstruck?” she said. “Because you’re not gonna find anyone like that anymore.”

“Do you speak from experience?” he said, wanting to turn the conversation back on her.

“Oh yeah. You can ask anyone in here and you’ll get the same story. There aren’t a lot of storybook romances in professional wrestling. We’re all married to our careers, and anyone who comes along learns quickly that they play second fiddle to the squared circle. People who really love you won’t put up with it forever. The people who stay are the ones who love what you give them, money and freedom. If you can accept that you’re forever a sugar daddy now, at least you won’t feel guilty.”

Joey nodded and changed the subject. “I see that you’ve got another mixed tag match tonight,” he said.

“Yes,” She lowered her voice, “It’s shit, but we do what we have to.”

Jade’s match tonight was a tag match in which she and Danny Jackson, a sound wrestler with a boring character, were going up against Safire and Lord Mayberry. On the house shows, mixed-gender tag team matches like this were common. The women’s division in the GWA wasn’t known for great wrestling. It was there strictly for sex appeal. On television, there were all sorts of things the women could do (usually requiring them to wear next to nothing and humiliate themselves), but on the house shows, the women’s matches quickly killed the crowd. Hence, they were often stuck with the men in a tag team match not at all related to any stories currently brewing on television. Worse, the men were often wrestlers who couldn’t get over with the crowd without the help of a sexy woman. For a woman like Jade, a decent wrestler with a lot of experience, the mixed tag model was an insult. But unless Duke began hiring actual wrestlers to populate the women’s division, the mixed tag matches were a necessity.

“I was thinking,” Joey began, not sure why he was bringing this up, “I believe you still owe me a date.”

Jade smiled. “Our dinner with Shane last week didn’t count?”

“It could if you want it to, but I was hoping to take you out after one of the shows this week.”

Jade looked down at the table and thought for a minute.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea Joey,” she said.

“Why’s that?” he asked, feigning ignorance of the answer.

Jade’s demeanor became more serious. “Do you know about me? Do you know about my reputation here?” She looked around to ensure no one else was listening before she continued in a lower voice. “You’re just breaking into the big time and the way I see it, you already have some political problems. You might not want to start something with the company skank right now.”

“The company – what are you talking about? No one thinks of you like – “

Jade held her hand up both to interrupt Joey and let him know he was speaking too loudly.

“Joey, I have a lot of history in this locker room,” she said, leaning in closer to him. “I’m not ashamed of any of it. There are things you have to do if you’re going to make it as a woman in this business. Thankfully those days are in the past for me now. But I’ve been around here a long time and I know how things are and I know how I’m thought of around here. Take it as a compliment that I want to protect you. It’s not just the locker room stuff either. As soon as you and I are seen out together someplace those Internet kids will go hog wild. And next thing you know they’re saying you became the GWA champion because you slept your way to the top. And ten years from now, when you’re the biggest name in the business, you’ll have this black cloud over you, and you’ll wish you could shake it. These are all things you have to think about now. The choices you make right now will define you and your career.”

Joey leaned in even closer.

“You know, Jade, the more you talk like this, the more I’m determined that we’re going out tonight.”

“Oh, that’s just great kid,” she said. “Now I’m your rebellion against the system. To hell with them, I’ll show ‘em. I’m taking out the whore.”

“Why do you call yourself those names?”

“Enough – ” Jade raised both hands in surrender. “Why don’t you think about it some more? We’ll be seeing each other all week. If you’re still interested – “

“I’m still interested,” Joey said. “Unless you have other plans, real other plans, I’m taking you to dinner after the show tonight.”

Jade sighed and threw her hair back. “Okay Don Juan. I’m on first tonight, so I’ll be in my hotel room early. I think we should leave from there. I can see you’re keen on telling the world that we’ve got a date, but I still think some discretion might be in order. I’m in room 218 at the Hilton right next to the arena. You can pick me up.”

“Great, I’m staying there as well. I’ll be there after my match is over.”

“You’d better take a shower.”

“Of course I’ll – “

“And you’d better take me someplace nice, and come dressed up.”

“We’re gonna have a great time.”

Jade chuckled, then stood up from the table. “Alright stud. See you later.”

CHAPTER 11

The San Antonio house show was mercifully uneventful. Joey got the biggest fan response of any wrestler. As planned, he went over Bret in a short match. Other matches on the card included Zombie going over Gordy Goodnow and Goliath successfully defending the GWA title against Deep Six.

Joey took a fast shower after his match, quickly dressed himself in blue jeans and a maroon polo shirt, and jogged out to his rental car, a Ford Explorer. He exited the parking garage and turned right, driving the one block between the Alamodome and the downtown Hilton. Leaving his car with the valet, he navigated the lobby to the elevators and found himself standing in front of room 218. He knocked twice.

Jade answered, wearing a black pantsuit and diamond earrings. Her black hair was pulled into a pony tail and her face was made up in light tones that were a far cry from her wrestling look. She slumped her shoulders in disappointment half a second after seeing Joey.

“I thought you were going to dress up,” she said. Her tone was serious enough to throw Joey into apology mode.

“I never bring anything nicer than this on the road,” he said.

Jade rolled her eyes and stepped out of the room.

“I don’t either,” she said, “there’s a mall just down the street. I bought this outfit right after we ate.”

“Oh. I should have thought about–“

“That’s okay Joey. I’ll just be overdressed. I don’t mind.”

As they walked toward the elevator, Joey’s mind plunged through as many options as he could conjure to remedy the bad start to their date.

“Hey, what if our first stop tonight was the mall where you bought your clothes?” he said.

“I’m not returning these Joey. I like the outfit, and I’m going to wear it tonight, regardless–“

“No, not for you to return your clothes. For me to buy some. It’ll be fast, and then we’ll match.”

The elevator arrived. A young couple stepped out. The man’s face betrayed starstruck recognition of both Joey and Jade. Joey shot him a look that said, ‘Not tonight.’ To his surprise, the man understood, and the couple walked past.

“Okay, the mall will be our first stop,” said Jade, as they stepped into the elevator. “Then where are we going?”

“Actually, I hadn’t decided. I don’t know San Antonio. Is there any place you’d like to go?”

Jade smiled and shook her head.

An hour later, they landed in a private booth at the Watercress Café near the Riverwalk, Joey’s polo shirt and jeans replaced with a black suit Jade had picked from the rack at Foley’s. It didn’t fit well enough to justify the price, but there wasn’t time for tailoring, so Joey paid cash and they were off.

They avoided shop talk during dinner, and instead spoke about each other. Joey talked about growing up in Memphis, his brother, and his childhood life in the suburbs. He didn’t mention the Memphis Backyard Brawlers. She probably already knew anyway. Mark had put together a compilation video of the group’s travails (“featuring a teenage Joey Mayhem!”) and was selling it on the web.

Jade spoke about her family in Dallas. Her father had passed away two years ago. Her mother now lived in a trendy apartment that Jade paid for. Her older brother disapproved of Jade’s skimpy wrestling outfits and nude photo shoots. He was currently ignoring her. She no longer spoke with any of her friends from youth – things had changed when she became wealthy. She cautioned Joey against making the same mistakes she had.

After dinner, Joey offered to take Jade along the Riverwalk, but she declined, fearing they would be seen and photographed. A movie and a dance club were also dismissed. They ended up just driving around town in Joey’s Explorer. Jade wore sunglasses until they got on the Interstate.

Joey drove south until they were out of San Antonio proper. They exited onto Highway 181 and followed the road signs to Calaveras Lake. They parked in an open area next to the water. Joey killed the engine. The night air was buzzing with crickets, but there were no sounds of civilization. Through the windshield, they could see a sliver of moonlight gleaming from the lake. Oaks on either side of them made for a feeling of privacy. They sat in silence for a minute before Jade brought up work for the first time of the evening.

“I bet you’re nervous about Monday night,” she said.

“I’m petrified,” said Joey.

More silence.

“I’m just telling myself that I’m going to nail it, and put on the perfect match with Goliath. If we nail it, there won’t be anything anyone backstage can say.”

“Do you know much about the booking yet?”

“I know we’re getting at least ten minutes. I know Goliath is going over but it won’t be clean. Other than that, I haven’t heard anything. I imagine there will be a ref bump and I’ll be hit with the title belt or a chair.”

“It sounds like it will be set up so you can connect with the fans.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Joey was surprised at how matter-of-fact this crucial part of wrestling had become in his matches. Connecting with the fans was no longer an issue for him. He was now on six performances in a row, in six different cities, where he was getting the biggest fan response of anyone on the roster. It didn’t seem to matter who he was wrestling or how well he wrestled. It was just a given that the crowd would love him.

This week the issue was connecting with the veterans in the locker room. If he didn’t put on a great match, a much better match than Crusader or Branson or Jumbo or Deep Six could put on, than his political problems would only worsen.

“What are you up to on TV this week?” Joey asked.

“Just more of the same, I think,” said Jade. “I’m hearing that I’ll be in a program for the women’s title again, maybe as early as next pay per view.”

“Well that’s cool. They need to put that belt on you and leave it there.”

“Thanks, but they won’t, and I don’t know if I care anyway. The women’s belt doesn’t mean a thing anymore. We’re paying the piper for too many years of vaudeville with the women in this company. Now the only people who care about me or any of the other girls are the little boys who want to see tits and ass. The wrestling fans groan when we come out, and I don’t blame them. We haven’t done anything that would entertain them for years. It just sucks.”

Joey nodded his head in agreement. The women’s division was the hopeless slouch in the GWA family. While men’s wrestling in the GWA was moving steadily toward athleticism, women’s wrestling was flying away from it. It used to be expected that women would go out and put on a cat fight with a few wrestling holds and a lot of attitude. Now a woman in the GWA could expect two bra and panties matches in a giant gravy bowl for every one match in the ring. In the past year alone, Joey had watched Jade wrestle in the mud, in whipped cream, in the shower, on a waterbed, in a kitchen, and in a hot tub. She had to perform skits where she made out with other women, stripped naked in front of Duke, and had cow manure poured over her head. She, like most of the women on the roster, endured this embarrassment because every once in a while she was allowed to have a regular match, in a ring, with rules, and like the men in the company, Jade was a junkie for the drama of professional wrestling. Joey couldn’t imagine enduring the crap she went through just to get a shot at an occasional wrestling match.

“Have you ever thought of going to work for Revolution?” Joey asked, boldly breaking an unspoken GWA rule with his question.

“Of course I have,” said Jade. “I remember what it was like to work under Gene Harold. He understood what wrestling fans wanted to see out of women’s matches. My contract here is up in a little over a year, and maybe I’ll finally bolt, but, you know, it’s hard. I’ve been doing this for eight years now. I’m kind of tired.”

Jade paused and looked out the window, as if she were seeing a memory in the lake. The moonlight lit half her face. Joey wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. After all, this was a date. Somehow the conversation hadn’t been very romantic.

“I don’t want to talk about me anymore,” said Jade. “You’re the exciting one in this company. Let’s talk about you.”

“I don’t know if I’m that exciting,” said Joey. “Just lucky, and, for whatever reason, chosen by the boss.”

“It’s not for whatever reason, Joey. You’re a superstar. You need to accept it.”

“Well, you’re very kind,” he said.

“I’m not being kind, just honest,” said Jade. There was something in her voice that Joey hadn’t heard from her before, admiration. “I think you’ve got it. I think you’re the best foil for Goliath we have in the company, and a good feud between you two will get a lot of people watching. And I think you’re going to be a huge star someday. Hell, what am I talking about? You’re already a huge star – the reaction you’re getting at the house shows, it’s unreal.

“And I’ll tell you something, Joey. Everyone backstage knows that you’re the real deal. That more than anything is why they’re giving you grief. Crusader can act upset that he has to put over a rookie, but what really upsets him is that he knows he’ll be putting you over from here on out. He knows that you’re going to take this opportunity and run to the moon with it, and his dream of being number one is finished.”

“You think so? Jade, I really appreciate you saying–“

“I’m not just saying kid, it’s obvious to everyone. Listen, I know the backstage shit is really bothering you, and I know that two weeks ago in Lubbock I told you to watch your back…but it took just one little push and the fans went ballistic for you. I’ve never seen anything like it. Do I think you’re getting the title too early? Yes. I think Duke is making it really hard for you to put on good programs with the veterans who will be jealous of you from now on. But so what? You’re the hottest guy around right now. The fans will love it when you win the belt. I think I see what Duke’s trying to swing here. I’m being honest when I say I hope it works out.”

“Thanks Jade. That means a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome.”

The conversation reached its destination with Jade’s compliment, and they sat in comfortable silence for awhile. Joey wondered if anyone else thought like Jade. Maybe he had more allies in the locker room, and just didn’t know who they were. He considered asking Jade if she knew of anyone else who was behind him, but was scared of leading the conversation back to him and his career.

“Why did you ask me to come out with you tonight Joey?” asked Jade.

There were a hundred reasons. She was beautiful, she had been flirting with him, he thought she’d say yes, he had a feeling, he was attracted to her, she was an icon and a trophy.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Well…do you have anything more planned for us to do tonight?”

“I guess I don’t.” Joey smiled, hoping Jade would understand that he didn’t know what he was doing, but he had enjoyed the night anyway.

On the way back to town, they spoke about each other and their interests outside of work. Jade talked about her love for old movies. Her favorite actor was Carey Grant; her favorite movie was Roman Holiday. Joey talked about his memories of fishing, hiking, and hunting with his family. He recalled a memorable camping trip in Virginia when raccoons stole all their food.

Joey parked in the garage for the downtown Hilton, and escorted Jade back to her room. She thanked him for their date. They said good night. They didn’t kiss, or even hug. Just good night and Jade softly closed the door behind her. It was oddly appropriate, Joey thought. Amidst all the sexual charge of the wrestling world, he and the industry’s biggest sex symbol had just completed a first date straight out of Dear Abbey. And it felt right. Joey strolled back to his car, feeling smooth as a ribbon. That night he slept little, his mind a bustling mix of excitement and fear.