The Wrestling Sandwich 10.01.11

Welcome to another edition of the Wrestling Sandwich! I wanted to address a few issues that sometimes come up in the comments because they are very brief statements so let me get to that. Firstly, the reason it is important to mention WWE RAW ratings dropping is because before this summer they rarely ever lost viewers in the second hour. In fact, they used to gain users for the overrun! TNA may or may not lose viewers in their second hour but it isn’t as important as a company that gained in the second hour for over ten years and now is losing viewers there. Secondly, the reason nobody has been able to get rid of me is because all the people trying to are on some kind of welfare and can’t afford the money to send to Larry. Thirdly, if the WWE pays for their programming to be on UK Pay television they should at least pay for it to be on a decent time slot because TNA is on for free during a decent hour and WWE is trying to force fans to adjust to their schedule which hasn’t been working. I have every right to make fun of a company that has been in the television business for over fifty years and did something so stupid as to put their product on so late at night on a pay channel almost nobody watches it. Also, a one-time spike in the ratings for whatever reason is not indicative of a “trend” unless it happens again and again to the point it becomes expected. SmackDown went up last week but that may not be due to anything more than a post-PPV bounce that usually occurs, and we will find out in the next few weeks to come. Before anybody jumps up and down proclaiming Henry a draw, we need to wait for at least a month to see the ratings and if they remain 2 or above then I will concede the point, but if they drop again to the normal level don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

Most of you decided to disagree with me on the basic decimal placement I mentioned to the numbskull that tried to claim .04 is actually four percent. Since most of you probably didn’t graduate or have been advanced only through a very lenient education system I’ll have to teach you a basic concept about decimal points:

Expressed in decimal format for Nielsen ratings, a rating of .04 is most certainly four-hundredths of a point. As you can clearly see by the chart above decimals work in a different manner than fractions and other numerals, as directly after the decimal point you use the tenths and hundredths follow that, followed by thousandths and so on. The comment made in reference was this:

“So TNA and WWE both lost .04 of its audience? How does that make WWE worse? That just goes to show that 4 percent of the wrestling audience would rather watch football than wrestling.

Posted By: Pure Awful Markism (Guest) on September 17, 2011 at 11:57 AM”

That would be four-hundredths of a percent. Look, I wasn’t the greatest math student in the world but Jesus Christ you people are morons. Look it up on google, search “decimal place value chart” and you’ll see all of them just like this. It shows you why I’m writing the column and you’re drooling all over your new Cena t-shirt writing a response.

And this goes to Aaron Frame, who has recently been attempting to make peace with me through his comments and even responding to this column in the comment section. So you want to make peace with me? You come online on a drunken stupor and make nasty criticisms and then attack me on your column, you send that Mr. Herbert wannabe Ronnie after me every week, you do everything possible to make me look stupid in the staff section, and you want PEACE? I will tell you what: I’ll agree if you drop your hard party habits so you actually have control over yourself instead of popping on dead drunk and making comments you regret. Until the day you find out what being sober is all about, I refuse to accept the apologies of a drunkard who won’t take responsibility for his own actions. Partying hard is exactly why so many people do not even know simple math or historic facts these days, and frankly you need to do some growing up since if I accept, you’ll just get smashed and do it all over again. Please behave professionally and I will treat you professionally, until then leave me the hell alone!

Top Stories of the Week!

1. Weekly Ratings Roundup

TNA Impact – 1.08 with 1.5 million viewers against football/Jersey Shore/etc.
WWE SmackDown – 2.15 with 3.2 million viewers
WWE RAW – 2.98 rating, with 4.1 million viewers down from last week and 2.98 both hours.

This week has had both big ups and big downs for the WWE with SummerSlam buyrates, a highly rated Friday SmackDown, the cancellation of Superstars from WWE.COM, and also the RAW rating, which is both good and bad.

TNA Impact dropped slightly but retained a significant number of viewers after last week, as usual within the normal range for the show. Despite competition from the NFL and Jersey Shore Impact still keeps its core audience intact every week, which has to delight the Spike executives. WWE SmackDown made big news Friday with a 2.15 rating and 3.2 million viewers overall, legitimately being the most watched Friday night cable show. Last week RAW also had risen after the Night of Champions fallout and now we know Smackdown retained that, but that’s where the good news ends.

Monday Night RAW’s rating came in with a 2.9 and 4.1 million viewers, which takes them for a second time in three weeks under the 3.0 mark. The upside is that nobody was switching off the second hour as they had been the last few weeks, but the fact is WWE continues to slide downwards with an intermittent pop before a drop. A guest mentioned about my prediction of 2.7 ratings but the simple truth is I said to expect more ratings in the 2’s to come during NFL season. The next several months will likely range in the mid 2’s to the low 3’s at best, and continue the downward trend for the last nine years. But it isn’t like one of their top 4 PPV events tanked, right?

…and breaking news coming in: SummerSlam, one of their top 4 PPV events, has tanked. Preliminary buyrates are listed now with 301,000 buys worldwide with 174,000 in North America and 127,000 internationally. This officially makes SummerSlam 2011 the second worst buyrate in SummerSlam history, and dropped considerably when you remember in 2010 it drew 350k and in 2009 it had 369k which continues that downward slope. Some people say it was because of the lack of build but frankly I think the real reason is due to the stale product and people just getting tired of seeing the same thing over and over again so they decide to vote with their remote and choose to watch something else on Sunday and Monday nights.

UK Ratings

TNA Impact viewers:
August 23rd – 209,000
August 28th – 194,000 (new time slot change)
September 4 – 180,000
September 11 – 149,000

WWE RAW viewers:
August 21 – 101,000
August 29 – 153,000
September 3 – 146,000

WWE SmackDown viewers:
August 26 – 97,000
September 2 – 72,000
September 9 – Unavailable

The time slot being mentioned is the movement of Tuesday nights to Sunday nights for the Impact show, which has proven to be a bad move by the station. So why did they do it? Considering how much press TNA has gotten lately for their massive UK ratings I would suspect a certain competitive, vindictive individual with a lot of money and great connections made a few phone calls to ensure the time was changed. Oh come on, you know it wouldn’t be the first time! Regardless of the change, Impact STILL wins! Whether or not the time slot will kill off any 200k or above numbers remains to be seen, however.

2. Not So Super After All – WWE Superstars Cancelled AGAIN Due To Lack Of Interest

From 411’s own news found here:

” WWE has cancelled online airings of WWE Superstars. The show will no longer be on WWE.com or YouTube but will still air internationally. The show was reportedly pulled due to a declining number of viewers and may come back when the WWE Network launches.”

I said several times in this column nobody watches WWE Superstars and apparently, I was right! So of course, they decide to take a twice-cancelled show and put it on their network where it cannot get cancelled because they run it? This is how you listen to the voice of your viewers? Actually, the network deserves its very own section after some news this week about the lineup.

3. WWE Network News

Two items of interest regarding the WWE Network potential program listings have come up this week, the first of course being news that WWE hopes to put WWE Superstars back on the air when they launch their network. Now, I might not be one of the marketing geniuses that they have hired out of Hollywood but if you take a show that got cancelled for low ratings and then put on WWE.COM and cancelled again and even pulled off YouTube it might be time to schedule the funeral already. As I said before in regards to some of the match of the week voting nobody gives a shit about a show that the majority of fans do not watch so you can have a five-star classic on it and maybe ten dozen people know about it or care. Wrestling is supposed to be about drawing fans in and keeping them around from back in the carnival days, so they really don’t care if the guys on Superstars did well or not.

Here’s the second and to me more troubling piece of news coming in. This is from the report that first came up here and seems to indicate some changes are on the way with my emphasis in bold:

“Imagine a 24-hour cable network that was run by The WWE. It featured a mix of WWE-made programs, including new shows, repeats of Raw and SmackDown from USA and Syfy and “classic” or “historical” programs featuring shows from different promotions like classic WWE footage, WCW, ECW, NWA, AWA, etc. from years past.

It would have two new weekly WWE live in-ring shows (wrestling), but not SmackDown or Raw.

It would have a daily live in-studio viewer interactive show similar to SportsCenter.

Additionally, this network would include WWE’s “classic big 4” pay-per-view events including WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series and Royal Rumble to the lineup at no additional cost. Rather than having to pay for them, they would now be specials with the same match quality you’re used to seeing on pay-per-view for no additional cost. These 4 events would only be available on The WWE Network.

In addition to The WWE Network, you would receive approximately 30 additional channels including NFL Network, NBA TV, Biography Channel, Fox Business Network and Fuel TV.

How interested would you be in upgrading your service for an additional $7-$12 per month to a tier which would include the WWE Network described above?”

Good god. This network just continues to get worse and worse, doesn’t it?

First thing that catches the eye is that basically WWE On Demand is going to be rendered even more useless since the same shows and specials will air on the network. With that in place, subscriptions for the extra price of On Demand will likely drop to a point the VOD service will cost more to air than it takes in and thus be cancelled.

Secondly, two new weekly live shows but not Smackdown or RAW sounds to me like the return of NXT and Superstars after both were already cancelled from networks (and in Superstars case, twice!) due to declining ratings and low interest. How exactly being the same shows on a different network is supposed to make people suddenly pay attention to them is beyond me.

And the real kicker comes with this big 4 PPV package which will include all the top PPV’s as “specials” and only available on the WWE Network which could mean a drop of those events from the PPV providers, don’t you think? Are they really so stupid as to put WrestleMania on a network probably watched by about 250,000 people when it is all said and done? Do they realize how much money they would lose? Do they even care is probably the question we should be asking considering how adamant they are about this network.

The cost factor shows an additional $7-$12 a month charge. This means that you’ll be paying at least $84 dollars a year for the network, which is the same price as one and a half WWE PPV’s in standard definition. The most will be $144 a year, which is the price of nearly three WWE PPV’s in standard definition. No wonder they won’t be at any extra cost!

I personally believe the WWE is going to shoot themselves in the foot with this network and end up putting the shows back on PPV quickly. WrestleMania usually draws over 850,000 buys and this way not only will WrestleMania be seen by less people as right now people are holding back on spending but the massive $60 price tag for standard alone will be GONE. One million people ordering a $60 PPV is at minimum sixty million dollars! Now we could be talking around $10 for the month of the event for around 250,000 people? Or maybe 400,000 people? $2.5 million or $4 million would be a massive revenue dump and the WWE knows it. This may show that the WWE knows something we don’t in regards to the PPV buyrates in the future from the numbers coming in not just for the last few months but really over about eight years. The entire idea is contingent on people buying the network every month and not dropping it at all, and frankly I’m very pessimistic about this kind of a risk in the current economy as Vince has never faced the obstacles to succeeding that he will in 2012. Only time will tell if this is a poor decision made in haste or another triumph for the man who has turned everything wrestling related to gold with a single touch.

4. TNA Impact Report Plug

No review needed because I did the recap for the TNA Impact show LIVE! Click here to check it out and see how much better it is than the people reviewing it who can’t hold back how much they despise the product.

Smartest Thing of the Week: Robert Roode Looks Like A Champion

Although some people will likely disagree, I miss the old promos in which you would see wrestlers training and preparing for their matches rather than just assuming they did all that in private. Roode’s video on Impact Wrestling really helped make him look like a champion by interviewing his family, detailing his workouts and tape studies, and showing highlights of his individual and tag team career. TNA is building Roode rather strongly and it appears that he is about to realize his dream at Bound For Glory while looking the part of a champion all the way there.

Dumbest Thing of the Week: Two WWE PPV Events In Two Weeks

If you missed Night of Champions and wanted to see a WWE PPV, you don’t have to worry because your next chance to lose $50 you will never see again comes Sunday night when Hell In A Cell is presented LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW! Asking people in the early signs of a recession to spend $100 in two weeks on sub-par PPV matches is pretty audacious but Vince was never known for being timid, just sometimes ignorant to the financial reality of people who are not millionaires. I don’t know anybody who wants to fork over that much money to watch both events outside a few of the biggest WWE marks I work with but honestly, why even bother? What is going to happen is that NOC and HIAC will draw low buyrates, HHH will point to CM Punk and Del Rio and blame them, and he’ll get away with looking good because as usual he’s the smartest man in wrestling politics.

OLD SCHOOL WRESTLER OF THE WEEK

King Kong Bundy

There isn’t much to say about the career of one King Kong Bundy as his major claim to fame would be main-eventing WrestleMania II in a losing effort to Hulk Hogan, but Bundy was able to change television forever as we know it! To find out how he did it, keep on reading.

King Kong Bundy was born in Atlantic City, New Jersey on November 7, 1957. He was discovered by the Von Erich family in WCCW and recruited to work for their company as a face named Big Daddy Bundy based on Ted Bundy the serial killer and Shirley Crabtree’s Big Daddy gimmick. Back then Bundy wore rope jeans, a belt, and actually had hair as well as being beloved by the fans and working as a face in the territory. Bundy would end up in a dispute with the Von Erichs kayfabe wise and then re-emerge for the first time as King Kong Bundy, an imposing heel with a black singlet and Gary Hart as his manager. During the feud, he lost his hair and kept it shaven off to continue with the more intimidating look he had developed. Bundy also had one trademark in which he continually requested referees to count to five instead of three when he pinned a wrestler, mostly during squash matches against local talent and other jobbers. In 1982, Bundy was Fritz Von Erich’s handpicked opponent for his retirement match. It would not be long before the WWF would come calling for the monster.

In 1985 Bundy entered the company managed by Jimmy Hart and at the first WrestleMania pinned S.D Jones in what is considered an exaggerated squash match as supposedly he won in nine seconds but the record showed significant differences. Jones at the time was actually around mid-card level so it was significant that Bundy was able to beat him so handily with his trademark avalanche in the corner and big splash. Bundy would join the Heenan Family in the same year and assault Andre The Giant, delivering a broken sternum in the kayfabe sense with several splashes on the gigantic adversary, which led to eventual tag team matches in which various faces partnered with Andre against the nearly 500 lb King Kong Bundy and his partner Big John Studd.

On Saturday Nights Main Event, Hulk Hogan was ambushed by Bundy during a match with Don Muraco. Hogan had teamed with Andre to repel the Heenan Family and felt the wrath of Bundy’s corner avalanches as Heenan held Hogan for shot after shot, before Hogan crumpled to the ground. This was the first sign of any real vulnerability for Hogan, and set up the WrestleMania II steel cage main event in which Hogan was able to overcome the monster and retain his championship. Sadly, the defeat ensured Bundy would never compete at that level again.

Bundy did little of note before 1987, which would turn out to be the year most people would end up remembering him for even if they don’t realize why. Bundy started out with WrestleMania III teaming with several midgets against Hillbilly Jim and face midget wrestlers during a six-man tag match in which only the midgets could fight the midgets and the big men faced each other. Bundy stunned Hillbilly and then body slammed Little Beaver the midget before dropping a huge elbow on him, prompting not only a DQ win for Hillbilly’s team but also for Bundy’s own heel partners to turn on him and come to Beaver’s aid. Later on in November, Bundy would gain a count out victory over Hogan at SNME but after a rematch in which he lost to Hogan again he would leave in 1988.

Bundy’s popularity at the time had gotten noticed by producers of a new television show and they decided to name their family Bundy in the honor of the big man. More importantly, they even asked Bundy to cameo from time to time in the new series Married…With Children that began airing in 1987 and quickly rose to a huge sensation due to the controversial raunchy content inside that no other series had come close to airing regularly. Like many at the time, when it was promoted on WWF TV I tuned in to watch Married With Children originally for Bundy’s appearance but in the end it was just too good to turn off, especially considering Kelly Bundy! His acting career continued when he was recruited as one of a group of irresponsible moving men during Richard Pryor’s movie “Moving” in which eventually Bundy, playing the character of Gorgo, would end up doing battle with Pryor in a karate sequence that saw Pryor require dropping a trailer door on Bundy’s midsection and breaking a massive wooden block in the process to win a fight.

Bundy would return to his former employer in 1994 as Ted Dibiase’s newest member of the Million Dollar Corporation. His biggest claim to fame at that point was losing to the Undertaker at WrestleMania XI to continue the infamous streak. Within a year, he was gone yet again.

Bundy would compete in the independent scene and made the headlines of Pro Wrestling Illustrated when he splashed the “Seven Foot Tall” Primo Canera III and the ring legitimately broke and both men ended up in the middle of the floor. He would feud with various names such as Doink The Clown, Tom Brandi, and Superfly Snuka in these companies and during the 1999 AWA Superstars of Wrestling’s existence won the heavyweight championship from Jonnie Stewart. His last wrestling appearance thus far seems to have been in 2006, when he showed up at the Legends of Wrestling show in Somerset, Kentucky. Supposedly he was massively unhappy with the promotion he was working for, insulting and swearing at the photographer from the show for trying to take his picture.

Of course we all also remember Bundy’s appearance in the 1999 Heroes of Wrestling PPV, in which it was scheduled to be Bundy vs. Yokozuna in a “half-ton of holy hell” match. For some ridiculously dumb reason the main event was changed because Jake Roberts had one of his drunken moments and they decided to make the last two matches on the card a tag team match, pitting Bundy and Neidhart against Yokozuna and the intoxicated Roberts. The really sad thing about it is that we never did get to see Bundy and Yokozuna mix it up one on one, even for a short while, as that would have been one hell of an interesting confrontation considering Yokozuna had over one hundred and fifty pounds on Bundy at that point.

Bundy continues to work today as a comedian, and was involved in an incident not too long ago when a drunken Scott Hall objected massively to a fellow comedian at a roast making a joke referencing the Owen Hart fall. Bundy had to step in and protect his friend when Hall attempted to punch the man out despite him claiming he meant no disrespect and was a huge fan. Personally, I side with Hall on that one considering it really wasn’t appropriate.

King Kong Bundy never achieved the fame and fortune in the ring that Hogan, Piper, and many others did at the time but whenever somebody picks up one of the ten-season Married With Children DVD’s his name and legacy will live on. Whoooaaaaaaa BUNDY!

Take 5

Wrestler To Watch: The Undertaker

So, we’re about to head into Hell To Watch In A Cell and it got me thinking about how long the Undertaker has been out. When I checked out WWE 24/7 they advertised that the entire month of October was Undertaker’s Ball with all of his WrestleMania matches and moments. Considering UT was in the very first HIAC and that he’s been missing in action for months, it makes perfect sense for him to return very soon as Survivor Series is right around the corner and it will soon be time to plan his WrestleMania match. So keep an eye out for The Dead Man because I have a feeling if Henry retains he may end up in his own Hall of Pain courtesy of UT himself. As far as who he should face at WrestleMania for his 20th victory? I wish it would be Sting or Jericho but whoever it is, it will be a hell of a match.

Promo of the Week: Dusty Rhodes and some Hard Times

Dusty Rhodes was the epitome of the common man, and was showcasing how different he was than the millionaire playboy Ric Flair, and gaining the respect of the fans and their support. Many consider this one of the best promos ever in the world of wrestling and he definitely delivers on this one and manages to mention all the difficulties in the country at the time as well as promoting his heavyweight title match with Flair. Of course Ronald Reagan was President then and everything turned out pretty damn good during that decade but one of the memorable moments in the Crockett era was Dusty Rhodes explaining about hard times and entering the history books with one of the top promos in the world.

Babe To Watch: Lita

I know she’s not an active Diva or Knockout but since I’ve mostly been showing the same fifteen girls I might as well showcase one of the most famous and daring Divas of all time. Before women like Kelly Kelly came along, Lita was delivering huricanranas and moonsaulting with the best of them and made women’s wrestling something to be proud of. Along with Molly Holly, Trish Stratus, Ivory, and a host of others Lita was able to turn the division from a joke into a credible division of talented and hot female wrestlers. We miss you, Lita, and hope someday women’s wrestling will once again see a high-flying, talented, and gorgeous beauty like you grace the ring and bring hope that is so desperately needed to the women’s division.

Here is Lita’s very first Women’s title victory, which was also the first time two females main evented Monday Night RAW. Of course Stephanie just gave herself the spot, but Lita actually deserved it and proves that right here:

Match of the Week To Watch: Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle – TNA Genesis 2006

Well, I don’t think I need to explain exactly why this particular match is so important because even if you never followed TNA it was big news at the time. I don’t really need to talk up this match because it is good enough without it so take a look and enjoy one of the top main events of that particular year!

Part 1:

Part 2 and final:

Mystery Section to Watch: Zombie Epic Meal Time!

This has been floating around lately from some friends so I decided to let all of you enjoy the fun as well. This is the episode of Epic Meal Time in which they show you several ways to mix normal foods with you guessed it, brains! Thankfully these zombies were not located near the WWE Creative Department or they would starve to death. So, take a look and enjoy!

The Good, The Bad, and The… WTF?

Oh boy do we have some stupidity coming in the bad and WTF sections. Just warning you guys ahead of time.

The Good

“I almost skipped the rest of the column after the Matt Hardy bit. I’m tired of hearing about it, honestly. If he gets back in to the ring at some point, and really gets healthy before doing so, then I’ll care. However, his personal life is becoming a train wreck, and akin to Charlie Sheen news, after about the third week of it, I stopped caring. Another columnist promised to stop reporting about Matt until he was back in a wrestling company – could you please do the same?

On a completely different topic – you used to have a part of this column where you remarked on other companies besides the top two. Are you not doing that anymore because of the lack of an ROH television program, or because you’ve already got enough material between WWE, TNA, and the occasional individual wrestler’s foibles?

Posted By: Nick V (Guest) on September 26, 2011 at 11:29 AM”

Nick, you might be tired of reading about Matt Hardy but I have to cover his stories and deal with Matt Hardy news every single day so how do you think I feel? So I’ll tell you what, we have a deal: When Hardy goes back to work for a major company I’ll discuss him and until then, this will be the last mention of the idiot. I just wish I didn’t have to bother reading about him either every morning! As far as the other companies go, it isn’t a knock on them at all but the fact I don’t have enough time in my schedule to watch anything else, and the guys that do are usually HUGE indy wrestling fans who watch all those companies and remark about their favorites anyway so it balances out. Steve used to contribute that Indycent Exposure section but you never know he may pop in now and again as he’s always welcome to contribute here since he gave me my start. Oh, crap, here comes the hate mail Steve!

“I for one Wes am looking forward to your Impact wrestling reviews.

I know you take some crap but I feel you’ll be fair. When TNA does something stupid or not to your liking you call them out on it.

I disagree with you on somethings like Sting-Flair being 3 stars. Didn’t feel it was that good but maybe that’s because I watched it after finding out Flair was hurt and that hurt my enjoyment of it possibly.

Other points; I understand your feeling on Mark Henry but I’ve been entertained by his recent monster antics and promos but that’s just me.

Keep up the good Work Wes, I’m a fan.

Posted By: Mister Mike (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 02:55 AM”

Thanks for writing Mike, it is fine to disagree with people in this country regardless of what one segment of the population thinks. As for right now, it is simply a one shot deal for the Impact review to help out the team here at 411 and also because anybody else who wants to do it is just going to make the entire thing a flame TNA post and I’m sick and tired of reading that shit not only as a writer but as a fan EVERY WEEK. I often go to the recaps to get the match order for the TNA Impact segment here and it is pretty sad when I have to skip through the sentences to find remarks that actually are about the positive things TNA does.

I didn’t know Flair was hurt until after I wrote the report. However, he wouldn’t be happy with people lowering their ratings of his matches if he got hurt since after all he got hurt to entertain us all. Wrestlers have a difficult job even in their best years, you know? They don’t get $50 million to play for six lousy months and have time-outs every ten seconds. Out of respect for what Flair and Sting accomplished I gave them the rating I thought the match deserved as they did far better than I thought they would for the main event in 2011.

“The proof is right in front of you people. Even Superstars is getting dropped in the U.S.

The WWE is dying a slow death. It’s not going to happen tomorrow, but it IS going to happen. Ratings are slipping week by week as TNA stays the course and picks up (and yes, drops) some points week after week.

I’m not hating on the WWE. I never have. I’m just stating the FACTS. That being, the WWE has been putting out shit on a weekly basis for years now and the public are getting tired of it’s stale product.

Not to mention the ratings in the UK. TNA slaughters the WWE there. And people always argue that it’s because you have to pay to have WWE there. Who’s fault is that, dipshits? They werent FORCED to have people pay for their product (which SHOULD be free anyway). That was their own greedy decision.

Also, anything that you have to pay for will NEVER succeed in the ratings, just look at The Soprano’s. Oh wait…

All excuses are invalid. Just bite the bullet and enjoy the show while you can, fanboys.

And to those who are going to rant on Wes’ political views.. at least a Republican didnt get us into the worst mess that we’ll live through in OUR lifetimes. Suck on that.

Enjoy the Muppets, Snookie and eternal Cena title reign kids!

Posted By: Spencer Mallard (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 08:35 AM”

Spencer, someday we have to go to a TNA event because you’re one of the only people who actually has a brain.

Interesting note on Snooki, Spencer: When she was set to do that vignette with Trish and LayCool in the club, it was reported that Snooki was over three hours late to the taping and also intoxicated as well. Now, isn’t WWE supposed to be the company that promotes Wellness? Yet they have a drunk interacting with their wrestlers in physical situations? What a CROCK.

“After missing out on the comment section last week it is abundantly clear that there is aconspiracy at 411 to put Wes down. Whoever is behind this conspiracy is likely the same person behind the WWE conspiracy (though in the WWE’s case the conspiracy is the fault o fhte crappy writers).

As for the Wes conspiracy I must admit, as much as I love reading this article and the comment section, you sir Wes help to feed this conspiracy on a weekly basis.

Each week you list the Raw, Smackdown, and Impact ratings. Each week you blast Raw for losing viewers in the second hour. What about the other two shows? I have a sneaky suspicion the results are the same. Mind you, it’s not that I appreciate Raw more than Impact (I happen to think they are both equally awful-Raw has talentless wrestlers and Impact has talentless writers), but if you’re going to blast one company for failing ratings then you need to be consistent.

Posted By: I M Drunk (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 02:16 PM”

A conspiracy, eh? I hope not, but I wouldn’t put it past a few people to see that the comments again mysteriously get screwed up.

The second hour ended up gaining viewers all the way from Q6 to the end. What we can tell from the breakdown here is that the Knockouts, Flair, and Sting are all draws, Angle and Fortune are considered must-see on the mic, and Jeff Hardy is doing nothing to help the rating at this point. SmackDown last week received a 2.15 rating which was a good boost but I cannot find the hourly breakdown for it. Simply put, it really isn’t considered news outside of RAW which is the only LIVE show of the week.

The Bad

“Oh very low, Mr. Kirk. You couldn’t come up with anything original, so you swiped my idea? Shocking lack of creativity. As for your “corrections”. . . ugh, where to start? You are guilty of so many of the crimes that plague the fledgling, unpublished writer.

Your dialogue is bloated and unrealistic
You tell instead of show
Your writing is bogged down by heavy exposition
You cling to ly adverbs
You opt for weaker words when stronger ones can be used
Your sentences read awkwardly.

Where to begin…

Exposition. Why bother telling us the car “has seen better days?” Isn’t that obvious, considering the reader understands these guys are on the road, and driving 90 while drunk/high? Why tell us Jackson has been taking pills for 12 years? Shouldn’t we guess that this guy isn’t green when it comes to the darker side of the business?

Bloated dialogue: Really, who talks like this: “You fucks get free grass and ass and don’t even tell me there’s a cop tailin’ me the last mile? God damn it, I’ll stiff your asses next show as God is my fucking judge!” Fiction dialogue shouldn’t be bloated and cartoony. It should be choppy, to the point, and real sounding:

“You fucks bum my weed and bitches and don’t even tell me there’s a cop? I’ll stiff all your fucking asses, by God.”

Using too many ly adverbs. You write that he drank “greedily.” Why not “he gulped like a man in a desert” or “pounded the beer so that it spilled down his face.”

You use weak words instead of strong ones: Why say “partaking” in the country air? How about “gulping” the country air? Also, never use “was” when not needed: Little Evil’s head (was) lolled to one side.

Perhaps the worst offense, and it’s all through your writing, is showing versus telling: Why tell us that Jackson “grips the wheel lackadaisically?” Why not show us: “He barely had a hand on the wheel”

Don’t just tell us he is feeling “ecstatic bliss”….. SHOW us: “His mind was racing, his lips frozen in a permanent grin, spirits rising high enough to reach the smoky night clouds.”

You have quite the ego when it comes to writing, Mr. Kirk, but your sample revealed something quite telling, and it’s rather unfortunate: You are one of the many cursed with double ignorance. You are not as good as you think you are, and you don’t even realize it. Your “corrections” also reveal your lack education, because in truth, you weakened the original work. You took away it’s efficiency, simplicity, and riddled it with unnecessary detail and horrible cliches, and thus dropped it to a base level on par with the amateur writing of a first level community college class. Worst of all, not being able to write something original reveals a severe lack of talent. Now clear the chalkboard and let’s see something better

Posted By: Chip Mcfetters (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 08:41 PM”

You know Chip, frankly all you have done since you entered the comments is complain about my supposed lack of talent yet once again here I am writing the article and here you are reading it. If you are all that and a bag of potato chips, apply for a job here. I’d love to see you put some of your fiction up for review the way Spencer did, if you have the “testicular fortitude” as the saying goes. But let me explain the biggest problem with you that I have: You are an insufferable wannabe know-it-all and yes indeed I said wannabe because you sure as hell aren’t half as good as I am on my worst day. You put up that horrid piece of fiction that looked like it came out of a sixth grade English assignment destined for a D- and you think it is better? Let me really tell you what I feel about that piece of crap you submitted:

What I did was improve the milquetoast that you put up there because I’m not wasting my time writing something good for people like you who would criticize the living hell out of anything I type even if I had quoted Shakespeare and claimed it as my own. If I had written any of the classic lines you weren’t familiar with you would have ragged on it endlessly and not realized your own stupidity. None of your critiques are valid, since every time somebody criticizes you you award yourself a point and forget about it. Well, here’s the third strike my friend. First you screw up comments about my size in high school and do not even apologize for the factual error, then you decide to throw up that garbage in my face and call it a submission of writing and worse yet when you are obviously beaten you claim my piece is worse? Sorry, you proved nothing and even had people who hate me call you names two weeks ago! I’m going to do you a favor and send you back to the little league sections until you can show me any semblance of a challenge, because this is the last comment of yours I’ll bother publishing. Thank you, however, for the hits you untalented hack!

“Sorry to point this out to you Kirk, but the word spluttering has a common use in prose to describe a way of speaking, usually pre-empted by some form of embarrassment, discomfort or indignation in the subject. You incorrectly used the word sputtering, which is a process whereby atoms are ejected from a solid target material due to bombardment of the target by energetic particles. The most pertinent word with which to address this situation is ‘cock’; oft used to describe male fowl, in your case the comparison to male genitalia is more suitable, most likely flaccid, and in all certainty wholly unused before the age of 25.

Posted By: Analysis Stupido (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 07:21 PM”

I really hate to correct you but I checked your story and naturally, you think you are brighter than you actually are.

If anybody, however, would know anything about the word cock it would be you: The one person who was born lacking it.

“you are as delusional as those republicans who boo a solider that has sacrificed a lot for this country just because he is gay……

Posted By: Guest#6648 (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 12:39 AM”

Tell that to my gay and lesbian friends. I may not agree with their lifestyle but I don’t discount them as people just because of it, although apparently you believe all of us are exactly the same. Hmm, and you guys wonder why we think so little of your party.

“Looks like arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand again. Let’s use an example you should know since you’re a stock trading genius.

If I buy a stock worth $20 and it increases in value by 4% how would I represent that? I would show that like this: $20 x .04 = $.80 That means I would make eighty cents on that four percent increase on my stock. According to you, I would represent that problem like this: $20 x .0004 = $0.008 That means you wouldn’t even make a penny. In other words, you get nothing! You lose! Good DAY SIR! If you’ve made a dime in the market then I’m Rush Limbaugh.

But more importantly, you didn’t even address the more serious issue, which is the blatant bias of comparing tv ratings vs. viewers and using one set of numbers to make Smackdown look bad and another set of numbers to make Impact look better by comparison. Your comparison is invalid because you did not compare ratings vs. ratings or viewers vs. viewers. You’re a fraud, Black Scorpion.

Posted By: Guest#7993 (Guest) on September 27, 2011 at 12:10 AM”

The argument was about Nielsen rating decimal points, and not regular decimals. Feeling smart?

And you know I have to allow our favorite useful idiot to post his thoughts twelve years past their relevancy:

“I don’t care if I’m popular or not, it means absolutely nothing to me whereas how much money I have means everything to me.

You say you wouldn’t trade your life for mine, but if you could eat at the best restaurants and buy any impulse item you wanted for the most part without taking a dent in the wallet and date a few girls who love a successful man I bet you’d drop that shrew and run here in a heartbeat
———————————
Once again, you continue to prove my point about just how much of a shallow, insecure prick you are, better than I could myself.

You make no bones about it that money is the end-all, be-all of your existence. Congratulations, I’m sure it will be an expensive, yet lonely, funeral when you die alone and no one shows up except for some “escort” whom you’ve left all those big day-trading earnings to.

And, no…make that fuck no, would I never trade my life for yours because I actually have friends, not ones I had to pay for either.

I will say, at least it’s reassuring that in the other columns you’re a part of on this site, that you drop the holier-than-thou, millionaire facade. It gives me hope that this Sandwich “Wes Kirk” character is indeed, just a character, and that an actual person isn’t this shallow.

And yes, please feel free to make more of those super clever 1999-2000 references, because you know, no one on this site is older than 25, like it’s a f’n “Logan’s Run” Utopia on the Interwebs. “OMG, some1 in HS back in 1999? LOLz!”

Posted By: Class of ’99 (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 02:36 AM”

I’m not an idiot, no female is getting my money when I die. All of it is going to the Republican National Committee and the Reagan Library.

So apparently I’m a gimmick character or something? Did I not give advice on WWE stock that came true? Did I not say certain things would happen in the financial world that are happening right now? Did I not predict a recession most experts already claim we’re in months earlier? Ah well, I guess I must just be a character that all of the 411 staff take turns portraying if you are to believe some people. Honestly, I figured you were the gimmick guy from day one with this whiny bitching about that one guy in high school you haven’t gotten out of your mind in twelve long years. Are you going to turn into that former student of Billy Madison’s with the list and shotgun and plot your revenge too? I can just see you with a giant “People To Kill” list by the dresser mumbling incoherently to yourself as you attempt to reply while adding my name on the bottom. You do give me a good laugh every week, keep it up dude.

Last week was a LITTLE light so one more because I said so.

“Ya know, for someone who claims to be a decent writer, this guy sure is lacking in variety. Every week there’s at least one fast food or mopping the floors put down when someone challenges him.

Hey Kirk. Without those jobs, if there was no-one to serve burgers and mop floors, your folks would be out of work, and you guys could lose your double-wide, and you’d have to go live that uncle who like to take baths with you.

How do I know? Because I’m Jerry Wiseman… and then the bell rings.

Posted By: Jerry Wiseman (Guest) on September 25, 2011 at 12:57 PM”

And then you get knocked the fuck out three seconds later.

Hey Jerry, the three seconds are up.

Ding ding, bitch.

The WTF

“Obama killed osama bin laden. not bush, you mad??

Posted By: Guest#1492 (Guest) on September 24, 2011 at 12:40 AM”

Actually, Navy Seal Team Six killed Osama Bin Laden. This information used by Navy Seal Team Six was obtained through intelligence gathering started by the Bush administration utilizing water boarding in Gitmo and then verified for accuracy. It is worth noting that our own ally Pakistan was harboring bin Laden and that the attack had to be conducted in secret, approved by Obama after waiting an entire sixteen hours on giving the order to take him out. While it was conducted, the chopper was damaged and secret technology stolen by Pakistan and then China took some as well, and shortly after it was conducted Joe Biden revealed the name of the commander who started the operation during a Democratic fundraiser, which then leaked out into Al-Jazeera and other news networks. Obama gave the order to have Osama buried with full Muslim ceremony and honors despite masterminding the deaths of thousands of Americans, Canadians, and every other country with representatives in the Twin Towers that day. To top it all off, they used Biden’s gaffe to take down one of our helicopters they weren’t supposed to know was flying overhead and killed dozens of Seals with the information obtained. And just to add one other comment to that, Pakistan is now threatening to remove itself as our ally and instead join up with the other Muslim countries and regard us as a full enemy.

Maybe this is just me talking but I sure as hell wouldn’t put that on a resume.

I bet that Lindsay Ellington would be a great date. Check her out in a lingerie photoshoot no less.

Lingerie photoshoot #2 features the gorgeous Rocio Guirao Diaz showing off the goodswhich is something I think we can all agree on is a good thing.

Spencer Baum finishes up his One Fall novel with the last installment here and it is a pretty good one. How about we co-write the sequel Spencer? I have an idea I’ll tell you about in the staff forum.

My former 411 Pro and current Knockouts fan Steve Cook discusses some interesting news about SummerSlam and an injury report on Ric Flair when you read News From Cook’s Corner

411’s resident giant Mathew Sforcina brings you another illuminating edition of Ask 411 Wrestling Maybe I should pay him to go teach Chip a lesson?

One of my all-time favorite columns has to be Ronny Sarnecky’s The Piledriver Report which asks this week if it is time to do away with the WWE’s world title. For me, it is a simple answer of yes.

The Pastor of Promiscuity brings us more hot girls and more voting action in Greg DeMarco’s Wrestling 5&1 and no that is not an insult. Remember, Buggy loves him and if you’ve seen Buggy you know he’s one lucky bastard.

Here’s a word you won’t even find in the Factor. When you decide to argue with me in the comments section make sure your arguments are never ficulnean in nature.

And that ends this edition of the Wrestling Sandwich. In closing: