The Wednesday Wire: 11.9.11: The Best in the World at Being a Pre-Teen Doctor

This feels like a full column this week. Not quite sure how I pulled it off. The semester is coming closer and closer to the end and I’ve got a shit ton of work to do. I don’t think I’m going to have to necessarily skip any columns coming up but I will likely have some shorter ones or special editions so I can spend more time getting papers written and tests taken. Or maybe I will call out sick for one. I’ll figure that out over the weekend. I wonder if Ryan Byers would be open to filling in for me…

Some criticism from Guest#7261 leads off:

“If you are going to make your big “return” to 411, don’t half ass it! You get one more click next week from me. If this thing isn’t better, I’m done!”

I haven’t half-assed a single bit of this column since I’ve been back. My first column was somewhat lacking and I’ve posted some stuff that has been less than on par with the standards that I try to hold myself to due to time constraints, but I am proud of everything that I have posted since my return on 9/14 and I have worked hard to put together the best column possible every week. Tell me what I can do better and I will put some energy in that direction.

Guest#7177 begins the Cena discussion:

“Cena is pushed so much cause he draws really good for a global sized company like the WWE.”

Definitely one of the reasons. Cena is a fantastic guy to be the face of a company in general, wrestling or not. He seems to be pretty smart, he’s witty, charming, well-dressed and personable. He’s respectful and respectable. He stays out of trouble and he knows what to say.

I think I just fell in love.

Some disparaging words for Cena come from the keyboard of Who:

“The last time Super Cyborg Cena was pinned clean was 2009. That is bullshit. I recommend people just change the channel when he comes on tv. If the ratings drop maybe he’ll get pinned more often”

Doesn’t work that way. Also, my comment had nothing to do with Cena being unbeatable or never getting pinned clean or any of that nonsense. I don’t care. That kind of stuff really isn’t as big a deal as people make it out to be. My issue was that they have been making a big deal about how Miz and Truth are wreaking havoc and can’t be stopped. Cena feels so strongly about it that he actually chose The Rock, his mortal enemy, to be his partner because he thinks Rock is the only guy powerful enough to give him a chance to outdo the duo of Awesome Truth. Then, one week later, Cena outdoes the duo of Awesome Truth with little-to-no effort after wrestling in a full match against one of them and being attacked from behind by the other. I don’t care if it was Cena who did it or if it was Yoshi Tatsu. I would have the same complaint if they had CM Punk do it. How are Miz and Truth a big, humongous, companywide, company-shattering threat when the guy who just reached outside of the company for help beat them up like it was common practice? It ain’t a Cena thing, it’s a common sense thing. Plus, it’s not Cena’s fault. As far as we all know, the concensus is that Cena would take a clean pin 300 nights in a row if it’s what he was told to do.

Guest#8597 and Guest#8293 reply to Who (if that is his real name):

“Yeah I remember Austin used to get pinned clean all the time. Oh wait…” – Guest#8597

“Night of Champions 2010 says hi.” – Guest#8293

True!

More Cena talk from my wife’s favourite commenter, Jason King:

“Honestly, I respect the holy hell out of Cena’s work ethic as far as what he does behind the scenes and for the company in the public. But honestly I get legit pissed off when he takes all this punishment, no-sells after effects, and comes back to win or lay someone out. It’s frustrating as hell as a wrestling fan..I don’t care how much merch he sells or the kiddies love him…it’s bullshit.”

I agree. Just remember that it’s not his doing. Cena does what Cena is told. There are other guys in the business, present and past, who bitched and moaned if they had to get beat down at all, and guys who needed to “get their heat back” by making somebody who got the upper hand on them on one occasion look bad on a future occasion. As I said above, not a thing has been printed in the “dirtsheets” that claim Cena to be a politician. The IWC doesn’t like him. If that news existed, that news would be printed everywhere.

Tell me why, TNT_brian! I’ll actually listen:

“yeah, not so good this week man, but I guess having four or five news reports a week is better than having just three”

Why no good? Only two tiny news pieces (I think the Maryse one was particularly well written by yours truly) and the rest was TV reviews. Ones I’m proud of, too. Is the problem that there was too little differing content? I agree that I needed more news in there to balance out the TV stuff, but almost 3 days with no power makes it somewhat tough to find news to opine about.

We know that The Great Capt. Smooth probably still likes me:

“Now I want a Santino/Beaker buddy cop movie!”

Yes! Heavens yes! But add Mason Ryan in there. He can be the bumbling police chief. I’m OBSESSED with Mason Ryan.

s1rude agrees with my sentiment on Jeff Jarrett the rightfully upset founder of TNA:

“TNA did the same crap in the Jarrett-Angle feud. I guess it’s a credit to how great he is with his character that he can generate heat even when he playing the good husband and step-father that expects talent to show up to work instead of getting tanked and not showing up.”

I know! Look, I understand that the idea is that Jeff Hardy did wrong and is a face because he’s apologizing and trying to right those wrongs. But why book Jeff Jarrett to be a heel when all he’s saying is that he’s tired of Jeff getting chance after chance when he’s done the same thing over and over in the past? It’s nonsense.

Thank you to TheKenwyne and Loki for letting me know that Jericho is with Fozzy beginning his tour of Europe. Weren’t they huge in Japan 30-something years ago? And when did Jericho officially replace Moongoose McQueen? Same person? Nuh uh. Both of them said differently. On a wrestling show. On TELEVISION! These are not the places in which mistruths are to be delivered!

“Rolled out of bed to see how the ankle was after last night………. Not good, crap!!!!” – AJ Styles

AJ has a hurt ankle after what I assume was a house show somewhere in TNA land. Reports tell me Battle Creek, MI this past Friday night. He was unable to perform the following night in Toledo, OH and he’s supposed to face Bobby Roode for the TNA World Title this Sunday. I can only assume that if it’s not broken or too badly sprained he’ll be able to gut out a performance and get it done for the company. Hopefully it’s not something serious. Who gets a title shot if AJ is hurt and Storm can’t replace him due to a concussion? I think the only other member of Fortune left would be Kazarian, so he would make the most sense. He’s not likely to have anything else to do, although I’d fear that such a match would not go on last, which could hurt the angle. So if there are no other options in Fortune except for Kazarian, do you go with Samoa Joe? Maybe Kazarian and Samoa Joe?

AJ’s ankle on Tuesday 11/8

“My man, the ECW Champion, Bobby Lashley!” – Donald Trump

So it appears that Bobby Lashley is again without an opponent for his upcoming fight. I think he was set to take on former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, but after walking into a room, making a constipated baby face and pointing in Huckabee’s general direction, Lashley scared the man clear out of the sport. I wouldn’t mind if they just brought in a shark. That would be something I would pay to see. Okay, I wouldn’t pay to see it but I would stay up past my bedtime on a school night waiting for it to show up online.

UPDATE! It appears that as of Monday evening Bobby Lashley has an opponent. He will now be facing Mark “The Shark” Martinez.

“Now can you dig that…”

Local advertising for December shows in Buffalo, NY and East Rutherford, NJ (and probably others) have seen Booker T v. Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Championship listed as one of the main matches. Does this mean that Booker is coming back to the ring full time? Maybe just for an angle? Does it mean he’s going to leave the commentary desk? Please no! Please please no! I live for Booker’s commentary!

“The site is under maintenance. Please check back shortly…” – ImpactWrestling.com

Uh oh! Looks like on Sunday night somebody hacked TNA’s website. Smartly, they redirected users to the Shop TNA page instead, but only an idiot would toss their money through TNA’s website after it’s been hacked. Of course they didn’t actually say they were hacked, just down for maintenance, but since I know I’m certainly not going to buy the new Jeff Hardy DVD. Not that I intended on buying it anyway, but now I’m SO not buying it. The site wasn’t hacked for long, but thanks to my friends at the totally fake backyard site ProWrestling.net, you can all see what was there.

Is this where the cyber terrorism is beginning?

“The fun part of it probably boomeranged on me.” – Bull Buchanan

So John Cena’s lackey, who, by the time he was turned into John Cena’s lacky was lucky to show up in a dark match let alone a flagship show like Velocity, is complaining because Vince put him together with a guy whose act was getting increasingly popular? The guy was a peripheral character for his whole career. He looked like a middle-aged curmudgeon from the time he was in his mid-20s and the only impressive part of his repertoire was his ability to jump to the top turnbuckle and springboard off with a clothesline. Mark Jindrak, who was equally bland, was able to replace him in the tall guy with the great vertical leap category, so what was left? Also, doesn’t he realize that the Right To Censor was a comedy group? Once his tag team with Big Bossman was over at the end of 2000 or so, he was relegated to comedy. Hell, he was doing comedy while he was teaming with Bossman.

I don’t know why I’m attacking the guy. He seems like he works hard and I assume he may be a nice individual. He’s delusional if he thinks that he had any potential beyond being a bodyguard or the obligatory tall and intimidating dude in a stable.

“Suckaaaaaaaaaaa!” – Booker T

Chyna will be awarded the Fleshbot “Mainstream to Porn Crossover” prize this Friday, November 11 in New York City for her work in “Backdoor to Chyna”. Ya know, people make fun of her but she was on the cover of Playboy twice and is now contracted to Vivid, which is one of the biggest, if not THE biggest porn corporations in the world. I would look it up to find out for sure but I would never end up finishing the column.

“I went as M&Minem.” – Chris Jericho

That sounds like the best costume ever. A big M&M dressed as Eminem? Creative if nothing else. Hey… wait… Jericho is claiming that Fozzy is having trouble breaking into the Japanese market. I thought they were HUGE in Japan! Liars!

Chris Jericho or NPH?

On the wrestling end, Jericho talked about how the Punk/Nash/Triple H angle was too inside, which I think we all agree is true, and he said something perfect, which was that kids are just looking for reasons to cheer CM Punk and boo Kevin Nash. Exactly true. Once Punk won the belt and walked out of Chicago as champion that should have been the end of the “inside” talk. Jericho talked about how The Zig Zag Man and Mark Henry are doing well and how they could be doing more with Jack Swagger but the motherfucker didn’t mention Zack Ryder. He even talked about how guys had to work and get themselves over. Damn you Chris Jericho for not mentioning my favourite Broski! I also like that Jericho reiterated that he does not want a big sendoff like Flair or Shawn Michaels or any of those guys. I just hope we get one last run with him. If not, like he said, he’s done it all, and the last run was absolutely great, but I can never get anough Jericho. I need to buy his second book, too. The first was really, really good.

Quick News…

– Barry Windham is beginning to recover from the massive heart attack he suffered 2 weeks ago. His family couldn’t afford to put him in a rehab facility so he was going to have to recover in a nursing home. WWE has decided to pay for all of Barry’s medical expenses and they have put him into a rehab facility where he will be receiving much better assistance. Barry will have to re-learn how to walk, talk and feed himself.

– Delirious has been taken off upcoming shows for ROH. He was going to be returning to the ring but due to some contractual obligations as an official employee of the Sinclair Broadcast Group he will be staying behind the books for now. Delirious is the head booker of ROH, which makes him an employee of SBG. The wrestlers are considered, of course, to be independent contractors. That causes a conflict of interest as far as safety is concerned. I guess. I hope they figure out a way to work this out because I’d love to see Delirious back in the ring.

– TNA’s new relationship with Ohio Valley Wrestling will not affect Ring of Honor’s preexisting relationship with OVW. TNA will use the school to evaluate some of OVW’s young talents as well as to send some of TNA’s young guys for more seasoning.

Ring of Honor TV 10.22.2011

“The top platform in the United States, and that’s Ring of Honor.” – TJ Perkins

TJP is still just 26 years old and he’s been wrestling all over the world for 14 years. He impressed in a fantastic match against Nigel McGuinness in Philly back in 2007 that I had the chance to see in person in ROH but he didn’t stick around. He has now signed a contract with the company and I’m expecting big things. I think Perkins v. Lethal would be a great match to run as a big iPPV match for the TV Title. The match on TV here between Perkins and Mike Mondo was very strong. It was short and there was nothing noteworthy but both guys looked smooth and Perkins looked good, which was the idea.

“Would you watch your language and settle him down?” – Jim Cornette

The Briscoe boys are just out of their minds. People have been complaining that ROH at this point isn’t even bothering to try to keep them over as heels, but I’ve stopped caring. The crowd turned on them for pandering too much and being too predictable. So now they use some cheaper tactics to win and barely even bother addressing the crowd. Let them just hover the line and act more heelish than facey (yeah, facey) and all will be well. The fuckers will be entertaining one way or the other. The headbutts and back and forth punching was awesome. MAN UP!

“He knew he couldn’t beat me straight up, so he attacked Truth Martini for no reason.” – Roderick Strong

I still don’t know how I feel about Roderick Strong’s gimmick. He’s entertaining but I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s so forced that it’s funny or if I really like it. And “The Roderick Strong Invitational” — it’s an open challenge, wouldn’t that not make it an invitational? Or is it still an invitational because he’s inviting anybody to take the challenge? Is it an Open Invitational? Does that exist? Does it make sense? I just don’t know!

“He’s got the total package but maybe he’s a bit of a nancy.” – Nigel McGuinness

Jay Lethal’s first title defense was a successful one against Mike Bennett in a very strong match. It makes me want to check out their match from the Best in the World show. It was smart to put Bennett in a TV Title match so quickly. He put himself over huge during his Inside ROH segment a few weeks back, as did Cornette, and they want him to look like a big deal. Boom, put him in a big title match in the main event. The finish was good, but it was confusing. I liked that they had him forego the chance at 5 more minutes, too. It really shows the separation between the guys like Generico and Lethal and a guy like Mike Bennett. Good way to end the show.

Ring of Honor TV 10.29.2011

“What Roderick never expected was the fight of his life.” – Kevin Kelly

Man, oh man, what a match. This felt like something ROH would have somewhere in the middle of the card during a 2007 or 2008 DVD house show. That’s a compliment. Kyle O’Reilly is really young and he’s already damn good. Get this guy a personality and let his body fill out and this guy is going to have everything to go along with his ever improving ring skills. Right now it seems like everybody’s high on Adam Cole — Cole is good-looking and doesn’t come off awkward like O’Reilly does — but I think O’Reilly is going to be the guy that is going to impress everybody a LOT as time goes on. Speaking of Adam Cole, where the heck was he when Strong and Elgin were beating his tag partner down? I found that to be kind of odd. I know they want to emphasize the fact that O’Reilly is a member of Team Richards, but why not align Cole with them? I brought it up after the first episode; put Cole in with the rest of the guys and keep it as a loose stable. It doesn’t make sense to keep Cole separate from the rest of O’Reilly’s allies.

“His own best friends say that he’s got mental problems.” – Jim Cornette

I wish I had more time over the past two years so I could have seen more of the Steen/Generico feud and the subsequent angle with Steve Corino trying to better himself. I do know about all that went on in the feud (I was even there live for the double chain match at GBH IX) and I’m digging the way they’re going about bringing Steen back to ROH / debuting him on TV. As of this writing I haven’t seen the next episode nor do I know the results of the most recent tapings so I don’t know how they’re going forward but it’s interesting. Awful job of keeping Steen’s name off TV though. You’d think they’d at least try to fake it and censor it when Corino keeps saying his name on commentary.

“To be the best, you gotta beat the best. Woooooo!”

Inside ROH focused on the next challenger for Davey Richards’ World Title. It’s down to two men, Jay Lethal and Eddie Edwards. On one hand I like that they’re going to tell us who is challenging for Davey’s belt with a lot of TV episodes left to build up to the first iPPV of the SBG Era, but at the same time I don’t like that they’re just giving one of these guys a shot. Jay Lethal has been back since June and has been in like 4 matches. Edwards is the most recent former World Champion and does have a legitimate claim for a rematch but one would expect them to do a little bit more to crown a #1 Contender.

“Talent is God-given so we stay humble. Fame is man-given so we be grateful.” – Caprice Coleman

I also look forward to the Proving Ground match with Cedric Alexander and Caprice Coleman challenging Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team. I don’t know much about these two guys but I’ve heard only good things and it seems like they’re going to further deepen the tag division that ROH likes to tout as the deepest tag team division in wrestling.

“He’s got cold eyes – I mean I’ve never seen eyes as cold as the Dominant Male.” – Steve Corino

Ciampa is looking good thus far on ROH’s new show. Now that he’s had a couple of matches against enhancement talent I’d like to see him get into some real competition on TV. Alex Silva was very impressive too, and now that TNA has acquired OVW as their developmental training ground I would love to see this guy get a shot on national television in the coming years.

“They’re not even going to wait for the introductions from Bobby Cruise!” – Kevin Kelly

It was good that they didn’t waste time getting to the match. Having the guys just get at each other right away was the smart way to begin the match. It was okay and I think it was obvious that the Briscoes were going to take the victory but it didn’t really feel like the two teams REALLY hated each other. Are they doing that on purpose? I was expecting that they would build off of the last iPPV for this set of tapings, but after 2 of the 4 episodes they haven’t mentioned it. Highlighting the Ladder War can make the newcomers want to check out the DVD of the show and can entice them into buying future iPPVs and attending shows in their area. Plus it would make both teams look 100x more badass and in the case of the ANX they would come across as an elite team rather than as the clear 3rd best team by a decently large margin. Maybe they’ll use some of the Death Before Dishonor fallout in the next few weeks.

WWE RAW Supershow 11.7.2011

“He has a degree in construction management from Cardiff University.” – Michael Cole

Shouldn’t it be destruction management? I crack myself up. Not a bad squash, but then how hard is it to semi-impressively do some power moves on a guy who just stands there? And can they please choose a finisher for this guy? The full nelson slam is number 3 by my count. It stinks and I fear that he could hurt somebody doing it. The powerslam was better.

“For the first time in nearly three months, John Morrison wins!” – Michael Cole

The sub-3 minute clip WWE posted of this match on Youtube makes me definitely want to check the whole thing out. Both guys looked great here and Morrison actually pulled out the victory. I was getting very worried about him and I hope he gets back to where he was before Melina left and then only goes up from there. Get rid of the “I’m gonna eat your lunch” thing though. I don’t get it. Oh, and King was talking about wins and losses as if they mattered! Interesting…

“Kelly Kelly reveals the cover of her Maxim cover.” – WWE Fan Nation on Youtube

I care mostly about the funny name of the video. I will say that I’m kind of annoyed that they seem to have dropped the pissed off, crazy Kelly angle though. That had some potential.

The UoU later tried to kick her leg out from under her leg.

“You don’t really have anything interesting to say, do you?” – CM Punk

Man, Punk is over as all hell in Manchester. Good promo here. It was simple. Punk has a legitimate gripe with ADR and he wants to win the belt back. Perfect. You don’t really need anything else. Nothing convoluted necessary. The crowd was awesome giving Punk a building chant for his answer to Del Rio about dropping the title match. “Ooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh” — “NO!”. Nice. The segment backstage with Punk hitting stupid mister bowtie in the face was also good and Laurinitis was funny too. “Don’t make me take off my jacket!”

“Everybody’s been asking me, why Nash why?” – Kevin Nash

I stopped caring somewhere. I was interested in Kevin Nash v. CM Punk, not Kevin Nash v. Triple H. We already saw that and it was WAY less inside. Plus it eventually ended with Chris Jericho shaving Nash’s head. That was awesome.

“Sometimes guys like Miz and R-Truth are held back.” – Michael Cole

So glad that Ryder got a second chance at the main event. He’s pretty clearly not ready to be there, but they aren’t keeping him on top so there’s no reason with putting a massively over guy into a good storyline. Gets more heat on the main angle and it makes Ryder look even more credible as he vies for the US Championship. The match itself was fine. I’ve got nothing special to say here.

I’m going to end it here for the week. As far as the other TV shows, I’m way behind on SmackDown and I’m behind on Impact as well. Maybe I’ll just skip SmackDown unless something big happens and talk about Impact on Fridays if possible. I will work it out.

Next time: Text on your monitor!

— Nicholas A. Marsico