The Wednesday Wire: 12.21.11: We Are The Champions, My Friends

Really? Nobody’s tweeting #FatBK? I’m getting very disappointed and somewhat upset. I was planning something special for my rotund intern to start of the new year, but now I’m considering retiring him altogether. He WILL eat himself to death if we don’t get his hashtag moving, people. I’m not looking to trend anywhere further than my own darned computer screen but at least let me see more than @nickmarsico tweeting #FatBK in the coming days.

We’ll start with this, from @CMPunk on Twitter:

“Proud of Daniel Bryan, proud of Zack Ryder, proud of my crew of young, talented, hard workers. Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, and a ton of others. Tonight was a great step toward the future of the wrestling business. That change I’ve been talking about? Started. My march to WrestleMania doesn’t begin after the (Royal) Rumble. It starts today. You’re in or you’re out. If you’re out, you’ll be left behind.”

Damn right.

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“Shut up and let him enjoy his moment!” – Jerry Lawler
Judgment shall be held back on D-Bryan’s reign until more time has passed and we see what kind of respect he’s going to get as champion, but let it be known that while it wasn’t the Main Event of WrestleMania or even a match that laster longer than 10 seconds, I am absolutely elated that I am able to call him the Heavyweight Champion of the World.

“Who asked last night’s losers to come out here?” – Jerry Lawler
The holding pattern leading up to the Royal Rumble pay-per-view has begun. Ya know, I’ve been actually agreeing when J-Lau has been claiming to be creative but he made a six-man tag here after saying he was going to do something creative. Granted it was the right match to make, but I was expecting something more interesting. Not a complaint, just an observation.

Cole: I don’t know if you agree with me, King, but–
King: Probably not.
Cole: Continues talking, nobody listens.

“The Barrett Barrage still fueled with the need to take out Orton. – Michael Cole
If the intention was to be disqualified, why not kick him in the dick? What heel really gets caught using a thumb to the eye? I mean come on, dude. Short match, but good — it was meant just to continue the feud. Works fine for me. The Wasteland through the table was weak as hell, though.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! I hope everybody has a foooxxxxxyyyyyyyyyy… holiday. – Alicia Fox
I think Beth just punched Rihanna in the uterus. That clearly upset her. I’m very sad that the promise of the Divas division over the summer has completely fallen apart. It’s a damn shame. Can’t Beth or Nattie just turn so they can wrestle each other until Kharma comes back?

“He’s gonna have to act like he’s conscious here in a minute.” – Jerry Lawler
So does this mean that Jinder Mahal can go away for a while? He’s got a great look and seems like he’s at the very least competent in the ring. Send him back down to Florida for 6 months and let him come back in the summer without the evil foreigner music and gimmick and start over. It’s for everybody’s good.

“He gets real uneasy around the holidays and at the dentist.” – John Cena
I dig the Christmas Creature and Isaac Yankem, DDS references. Kane continues to be scary, no matter what Scary Ass says, and the whole smothering Cena thing was unexpected. That was an interesting way to go about the attack. So when does Kane talk? And once Cena’s done with him, what’s next? I’m going to make this prediction: Kane v. Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania for the World Title.

“Punk, Bryan and Ryder — they’re dominating!” – Michael Cole
Darn fun match to close out the show. The three dives was a great way to send it to commercial and overall the match itself was a perfect way to finish the night. Having the three guys come through the crowd was really cool, too. Good RAW. What’s next? Bryan v. Show and Punk v. Ziggler at the Rumble? Does Ryder get a defense? Against who? Swagger?

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Ring of Honor presents Final Battle 2011 this Friday night and they have officially announced that Maria Kanellis (listener and friend of the best radio program ever, RBR Wrestling) will be appearing in the corner of her real-life boyfriend “The Prodigy” Mike Bennett. Good move by ROH to get even more heat on the dude. I think Bennett is going to take the TV Title on Friday. I wonder if Maria is going to stick around.

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TNA’s top secret India project has a name. Ra Ka King (King of the Ring) will be airing on India’s Colors Network. It will be a 26-episode feature that runs over the course of 13 weeks beginning on January 14. The production values are said to be fantastic and Jeremy Borash has reportedly had to change his pants on a number of occasions due to the awesomeness of the crowd. I hope we can get a peek at the show. Sounds way better than Impact.

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Brutus Beefcake’s estranged wife is more or less corroborating Linda Hogan’s story about Ed and Terry’s oddly close relationship. She thinks that they’ve gotten too touchy-feely with each other in the past and found it odd that “The Barber” was so quick to help Hulk with using the crapper after his back surgery. Like I said last week, I honestly believe Hogan here. He pretty much went the Seinfeld route and said he ain’t gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that, and would tell us if he was.

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This picture was posted on Twitter by Daniel Bryan along with the following message: “Six years ago CM Punk and I wrestled a 45 minute match in Florida in front of probably 36 people. It’s fun watching us pretend to be superstars when we’re really just a couple of Indy schmucks.”

Fuck Yeah!

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WWE.com posted an article that kinda-sorta alluded to a physical hall of fame location. I doubt it’s actually significant whatsoever based on the source, but it will eventually happen. Just not any time soon.

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Russia will be hosting a WWE event on April 11, part of what I assume will be the WrestleMania Revenge Tour. Maybe Vlad Putin will run in and get in on the action. I think he’s something of a badass.

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Alberto Del Rio and Beth Phoenix were both bitten by the injury bug on Monday night. Rihanna busted up Beth’s face and Del Rio hurt himself during the 6-man tag main event. ADR’s got a shoulder injury that could be serious while Beth’s injury just makes me continue to call for a Nattie v. Beth program and the immediate firing of Alicia Fox. That woman is of no worth.

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Shawn Michaels said in a recent interview that he could watch both John Cena and Randy Orton wrestle over and over again. I’m all for it as long as it isn’t against one another. HBK of course went on to say that the two of them had some “phenomenal” matches against each other, which proves to me that Shawn got out of the game at the right time because clearly his mind is going.

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Next week I’m doing the promised year-end special. On Wednesday I’m doing a retrospective on the champions and championship matches from 2011. I’m going to cover WWE, TNA and ROH and I think it will be pretty cool. On Friday I’ll then put together my superlative list in the following categories:

– Best Wrestler of the Year
– Best Champion of the Year
– Most Improved Wrestler of the Year
– Best Storyline of the Year
– Biggest Surprise of the Year
– Worst Wrestler of the Year
– Biggest Disappointment of the Year

Please suggest other categories for me to use in next Friday’s column. I’d also like your opinions, which you can post in the comments of this or any upcoming column. Obviously I can only incorporate them into the 12/30 edition if you make those comments before it goes up.

This Friday I’ll put up a Fripplement with comments from last Wednesday’s WedWi and some thoughts on the TLC PPV. Until then, I’m out.

Next time: I just told you. Read a millimeter above.

– Nicholas A. Marsico