The Contentious Ten 02.20.12: Top 10 Most Quotable Wrestlers

Hello, and welcome to The Contentious Ten! My name is Nick Bazar, and I thank you for clicking.

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Nick Bockwinkelsize=6>

“The poor cretinous humanoids here, I acquiesce not to them, but to myself.”
“I don’t know how long and how big the tail is on a big West Texas Bull, but right now it’s down somewhere between his legs.”
“Belligerent recalcitrance.” size=3>

Recently on Monday Night Raw, Chris Jericho has been making a big deal of other wrestlers stealing parts of his gimmick- the suits, the promo style, the wrestling style and even his valets. I’m sure you’re not too shocked, but that sanctimonious sycophant has done some “stealing” of his own, namely from the great AWA World Heavyweight Champion, Nick Bockwinkel. Bockwinkel wasn’t the strongest, he wasn’t the fastest and he didn’t have a chiseled wrestler’s physique. That didn’t matter though, because he was the smartest, and he let both his opponents and the fans know it every time he spoke on the microphone. Whether it was by belittling his upcoming foe with big words right out of an S.A.T. practice book, or constructing literary masterpieces on the fly, Bockwinkel gained a large chunk of his overwhelming confidence through his intelligence. Luckily for us fans, that typically resulted in classic wrestling promos that were different from the standard “angry, cocky heel promo.” Also, it gave us a number of memorable quotes that people- including Jericho- still remember to this day.

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CM Punksize=6>

“Straight-edge means I’m better than you.”
“I hate this idea that you’re the best, because you’re not. I’m the best.”
“I’ll kick you in the nuts and you’ll smile at me and like it.” size=3>

Being a much smaller guy than a number of his colleges in wrestling, CM Punk has had to rely on his natural charisma throughout his entire career. A huge part of that natural charisma oozes out through his promos; so much so, that you’re bound to get an easily quotable line out of him more often than not. Whether these quotes came during his time in ROH when he was hyping himself up as being the sole reason the company was where it was, or years later in the WWE when he was “breaking the fourth wall” with exciting promos that labeled his microphones as pipe bombs, Punk has been building a reputation for himself as being one of the best and most quotable mic guys in the industry. I mean, there aren’t many wrestlers out there who can get away with making “It’s clobbering time!” sound cool instead of forced or cheesy. The same goes for his older, preachier “Straight-edge” promos that gained him recognition in the wrestling business in the first place. Instead of being shunned, he put together promos that his fans still love to quote.

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Freddie Blassiesize=6>

“Listen up, you pencil-neck geek!”
“I’m Freddie Blassie, the maker of champeens.”
“When you go up and you buy your ticket, you just ask to sit in a Blassie section, because then you know you’re gonna be sitting in a winning section.” size=3>

Even if you’re a young fan and have no idea who Freddie Blassie is, chances are you’ve heard a sound bite of him insulting someone with the dreaded “you pencil-neck geek!” insult. If not that, then there’s no question you’ve heard “The maker of champeens” quote because it’s heard right at the beginning of every single WWE telecast. Blassie is revered in the wrestling business, and with good reason. Aside from being a wrestler himself, he was one of the greatest managers to ever take a guy under his wing, and is at the very least partially responsible for the success of many legendary names in the world of wrestling. Even though he looked like your grandfather, you knew you didn’t want to mess with him because of the confidence that spewed from his mouth. He was never shy to run down an arena full of fans, never failed to get heat on all of his assigned wrestlers and was as quick-witted as they come. They really don’t make them like “Classy” Freddie Blassie anymore.

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Jake Robertssize=6>

“Short ride, bad landing.”
“Snake in the corner? Trust me. Trust me.”
“Simple foreplay.” size=3>

Jake Roberts is probably one of the most underappreciated talents in the history of professional wrestling. Sure, people recognize him as a good heel, but that’s way too limiting. Not only was he one of the best heels of all time, he was one of the best promos in the business as well. Naturally, that resulted in him contributing countless memorable quotes over the years. Whenever he spoke, you had to listen, even if it sent chills up your spine. That’s how one-of-a-kind, engaging and creepy his interviews were. The grating, raspy voice, the unique look- it all came together to form this fascinating aura around his character for many fans of the era. The stuff he was saying was so original that it became great quote bait. Many of those quotes centered on his evil snake Damien, others on what he was going to do to his opponents. Either way, it was always great material. Unfortunately, since then, a large number of wrestlers have tried to go for that same eerie, maniacal mystique (guys like Snitsy, Vance Archer and Tyler Reks are some recent examples) but have come up real short.

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Dusty Rhodessize=6>

“You don’t know what hard times are, Daddy!”
“I have wined and dined with kings and queens, but I’ve slept in alleys and dined on pork and beans.”
“Ric Flair says ‘I’m the man,’ well I’m the legend.” size=3>

Speaking of original promo guys, Dusty Rhodes made a name for himself with his unique approach to interviews. He was a big guy with an even bigger lisp, but when he spoke, you couldn’t help but get behind him. At his peak, he was the definition of a pure babyface, thanks in large part to his ability to play the “everyman” that all fans could root for. He always spoke as if he was channeling the downtrodden in society- the people who were down in the dumps and needed a real underdog story to inspire them. He struck a nerve with fans and gave us so much fantastic material to quote and imitate. There’s a reason you can always find someone in the business with a great Dusty impersonation. So much of his stuff was absolutely classic, and it’s no wonder that his “wined and dined” quote instantly became one of the most famous in wrestling.

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The Rocksize=6>

“Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?”
“Mary had a little lamb, well I’ll tell you what- piss on the lamb, piss on Mary and piss on you. The Rock is gonna go out there tonight and do what he does best, and that’s lay the smackdown on your roody-poo candy ass!”
“I will give you every drop of sweat, every drop of blood, every ounce of energy I have. You are gonna get the absolute best of The Rock at Wrestlemania.” size=3>

People nowadays seem to be divided on how to look at The Rock’s career. There are those who still love the Attitude Era and think everything he was doing at the time was genius. Then there’s the smaller- yet still vocal- group that tends to think he relied too heavily on catchphrases and had no material beyond that. In my opinion, the latter is simply not true. In the video packages we see today, we get all the memorable one-liners and catchphrases, but Rock’s ability on the mic was so much deeper than that. He was one of those rare talents who could get on the mic and just start riffing on the spot and come up with material that had the crowd in the palm of his hand. It could be funny, intense, serious or playful; often times, he managed to tie all four together and deliver a promo of extremes. Whatever the circumstances were when he got on the mic, you just knew he would say something that you’d be repeating to your friends for the next week.

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Steve Austinsize=6>

“Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16; Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass.”
“You treat me like a dog and you expect me to smile? You remind me of a jackass.”
“And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.” size=3>

Much like The Rock, Steve Austin had a bunch of classic wrestling catchphrases coupled with a natural talent to speak on the microphone and get pops from the crowd even without said catchphrases. More importantly to this list, it was all easily quotable. Of course, you have your fun stuff to quote like “And that’s the bottom line…” and “What?,” but he also gave us so many other lines that were just as great. Who could ever forget “If you don’t understand what I’m saying, I’ve always got a little bit of sign language, so here’s to ya!” Not only that, but he gave audiences quotable material with such a wide variety of antagonists from Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon to Triple H, The Rock and even the nWo. It was usually intense and in-your-face, but he was also another guy who could go high and low with his promo work. Either way, it was always memorable.

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Roddy Pipersize=6>

“Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions.”
“You say I’m insane, I say thank you very much.”
“I ain’t got no damn integrity! How you think I got so far?” size=3>

What makes something quotable isn’t only the words on the page, it’s the delivery. If it comes out of the wrestler’s mouth sounding forced or unnatural, the quote won’t have a deep impact, no matter how great it looks on paper. Fortunately, Roddy Piper never had that problem. In fact, I’m convinced he could say any line given to him- no matter how ridiculous- and make it an instantly memorable quote. I mean come on, he could say things like “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all outta bubble gum” and still sound like a badass. That’s talent guys. The great thing about Piper is that his memorable quotes aren’t confined to only wrestling. He’s got a number of great movie quotes (like the one I just mentioned above) that wrestling fans still hold dear to their heart. Still, his best and most quotable work was always on the wrestling microphone. It’s the reason the WWE is always open to bringing him back for a random edition of Piper’s Pit. There aren’t many wrestlers out there who can sell a story or put over a certain emotion like Piper can.

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Billy Grahamsize=6>

“I am the man of the hour, the man with the power, too sweet to be sour.”
“I am the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.”
“How do you feel- for the first time in your life- actually talking, actually holding a microphone, actually interviewing ‘Superstar’ Billy Graham? Are you not mesmerized?” size=3>

Does this sound familiar? Well, that’s because you’ve probably been hearing a lot of stuff like this lately from Chael Sonnen, a mixed martial artist for the UFC. There’s no question as to why fans often credit “Superstar” Billy Graham for the success of guys like Hulk Hogan- hell, Hogan himself has even said that his character was inspired by the stuff Graham was doing in his heyday. The Muhammad Ali-like rhyming that Graham popularized in professional wrestling with his colorful promos was very unique at the time and gave wrestling a new spunk that many wrestlers after him began to adopt. The guy was the embodiment of confidence, and quickly became one of the most popular wrestlers of his time. Sure, the “workrate” wasn’t really there, but that kind of stuff gets pushed aside when you have the charisma of a Billy Graham. Even to this day, there haven’t been many who have been able to touch his abilities as a memorable wrestling promo. Like many of the other wrestlers listed here, the quotes he shared with fans were instantly classic, and still fondly remembered in the year 2012.

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Ric Flairsize=6>

“To be the man, you gotta beat the man.”
“Kiss stealin’, wheelin’ dealin’, limousine ridin’, jet flyin’ sun-of-a-gun!”
“If you’re a real man, you never go down you just stay up.” size=3>

When you talk about “most quotable wrestlers,” I really don’t see how anyone can top Ric Flair. Back in the 80s, his promos- whether done by himself or flanked by the Four Horsemen- resulted in fantastic lines no matter the situation. It was just one after the other after the other, and he delivered each with the same enthusiasm and pride in his voice. Lines like “To be the man, you gotta beat the man” isn’t only wildly popular in the wrestling world, but it’s reached all sports and forms of entertainment. It’s the kind of quote that transcends one particular arena and becomes globally popular. Space Mountain, Wrestling God, Diamonds are forever- his list of classic quotes has spanned decades, countries and companies. Even now in 2012, you can tell that he has that fire for the business, and you always know you’re just one “Wooo” away from getting another great Flair quote. His quotes are untouchable, and he is, in my opinion, the most quotable wrestler of all time.