wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 03.05.11
Monday, March 5th, 2012
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
The North Remembers
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I’m Stephen Randle, and if you want to know my thoughts on Wes Kirk, they are available for the low cost of five dollars per person. However, if you want to know what I think of the Leafs firing Ron “Couldn’t Show Emotion If He Was Having An Orgasm” Wilson, well, it’s no Rick Nash, but at least they did something right. I’m still confused how you don’t make a deal for a once-in-a-lifetime player, but I guess that’s why I’m not a GM.
Also, Game of Thrones comes out on BluRay on Tuesday, so if you want to reach me, you’d better do it before then because I’ll be occupied for a while after that.
Moving on.
Last week, themes for WrestleMania began to develop, and it looks like this year is going to be all about hate. We’re just under a month away from the show, and a bunch of matches are already set, in many cases centered around two guys who just plain don’t like each other.
Let’s start with the WWE Title (because hey, why not, it’s only supposed to be the most important trophy in pro wrestling), where Chris Jericho has accused CM Punk of being nothing more than a wannabe, someone who is attempting to steal everything that Jericho innovated in this business. Punk, for his part, accused Jericho of taking credit for inventing Canada (and let’s see you prove that he did not. You don’t know, he could have a time machine), and the end result was Jericho leaving Punk writhing in pain after Jericho attacked him and locked in the Walls of Jericho. Now that we’ve established the conditions, will CM Punk have a physical rebuttal for Jericho this week?
Meanwhile, the war between Teddy Long and Johnny Ace has boiled over to the point of physical provocation, and the Board of Directors has stepped in to see if either man is capable of running the opposite brand, in a preview of sorts for if one of them is named GM of both Raw and Smackdown. So Teddy Long will be in charge tonight, and his first act has been to place irritating coffee drinker David Otunga in a match with The Great Khali tonight. What else could Teddy have in store for Raw tonight?
Plus, don’t forget The Rock and John Cena, because they certainly won’t let you. Last week The Rock was live and in attendance, but it was John Cena who stole the show, calling out The Rock for leaving WWE and the fans behind and being more interested in catchphrases and Twitter than their match. With the gauntlet thrown down and things becoming increasingly serious, and The Rock scheduled to address Cena once again, the march towards the biggest match of this generation continues tonight!
And mere weeks after calling his friend HHH a coward, HBK returns to Raw, hopefully with a response after The Game not only accepted The Undertaker’s challenge, he added a Hell in a Cell stipulation. What will Shawn Michaels have to say about these developments in his absence?
All this, and Eve Torres continues to be evil while I don’t care, no matter what everyone else says about her alleged “acting”, tonight on Raw!
– A newspaper article ran last week suggesting that WWE may be having serious trouble getting WWE Network off the ground, and have not, in fact, made a single deal with any carriers to run the Network. Turns out you can’t get a television network just by clicking your heels and wishing for it, after all.
– Mark Henry may be done with WWE when his contract expires later this year. Why? Well, it turns out he’s a little frustrated that he couldn’t take any time off after suffering a groin injury in late 2011, even though they made him drop the World title due to that same injury. Plus, I don’t think he’s won a match since TLC, often in quick and decisive fashion. So, fifteen years of struggle gets you four months as champion and then tossed aside. Welcome to pro wrestling.
– There were some rumours that ROH might have blocked several of their contracted wrestlers from signing with WWE, which were quickly shot down. So that’s not really news. Next!
– Jim Ross is not scheduled to call WrestleMania. Shocking. Not really news either. Next!
– JBL will not be returning to WWE. Nope, still not news. Next!
– Terry Funk is retiring from wrestling. Are you kidding me? Next!
– The Royal Rumble buyrate was down from last year. The only news here is that they can’t blame it on The Miz. Although he was the Rumble Ironman…next!
– Seriously, was this week “pretend that stuff that isn’t news that nobody cared about in the first place is news” week?
– Rhino is apparently bringing the ECW title out of retirement for an indy show. Hey, didn’t he blow that thing up in a garbage can to protest WWE’s fake ECW? I guess he forgot about his anger about as fast as WWE forgot about pretending they were actually trying to recreate ECW.
– Apparently Vickie Guerrero is trying to recreate Tamina for her stable via Twitter, which is some inside joke as the two are travel partners. Also, did you know Tamina is the daughter of Jimmy Snuka? I had not heard about that anywhere.
– WWE is working out some logistics issues with suspending the Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania. Obviously, since it’s an open stadium show, there are limitations created by only having a small pavilion over the ring. Maybe they should have, you know, thought of this before making the match.
– Besides, it’s Undertaker vs HHH. Just put up the walls like you used to do with the old steel cage, it’s not like they’re going to be on the roof.
– And in more things they should have considered before doing them, we’re still not sure if Ric Flair will be attending the WWE Hall of Fame for the induction of the Four Horsemen. I’m not sure which is worse, if he shows up and makes a mockery of TNA’s contract with him, or if he doesn’t show up and makes a mockery out of the other Horsemen getting inducted. I mean, the WWE Hall of fame is already mostly a mockery, but this is even worse than Koko B Ware. Maybe even worse than Drew Carey. Still better than Vince’s dad’s limo driver, though.
– A WWE production truck with a picture of The Miz on the side went off the road while travelling between locations this weekend. There’s a joke there, but damn, it’s too easy and I just can’t do it.
– Too hell with it. Miz sucks!
This is not for destroying the WWE tag division (because let’s face it, WWE already beat him to it), nor is it even for beating up Randy Orton on Smackdown. It is because in beating up Randy Orton, he eased the worries of many people who thought that WWE might shoehorn Orton into the World title match at WrestleMania. Thanks, Kane! |
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Putting aside the ass-backwards booking of Cena as a good guy heading into a match where it’s all but guaranteed 95% of the crowd will be against him, the words “By all means, continue trending” were just…perfect. The irony, of course, is that WWE will let Cena mock the Rock’s silly obsession with Twitter, then spend every second they can spare talking about what’s trending tonight. |
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Between Jericho and Punk, as expected, they cut a hell of a promo to open the show, and it was Jericho who ended the segment with Punk stuck in the seriously old-school Walls of Jericho. And kudos to Punk for being willing to take the legitimate Walls, too. |
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Well, the good news is, Regal is sort of a GM again. The bad news is, he’s making matches on NXT, the land where wrestlers go to fight each other week after week for eternity with no end or coherent plot in sight. |
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For a guy who doesn’t have many definitive victories, he does seem to keep ending up standing tall after many matches where he really shouldn’t be, and matches with Punk and Orton last week did nothing to buck the trend. He’s not getting strong victories, but I think they’ve created enough doubt that Sheamus isn’t quite as heavy a favourite for their Mania match. |
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Before everyone got run over by the Big Red Machine, it should be noted that the champs actually got a clean pinfall victory in that Triple Threat match. When you consider that the other four guys in that match are clearly above them in the pecking order (well, okay, three and Swagger), that ain’t not bad. |
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TNA’s India project is turning heads all over the globe, and the roster has to be one of the strongest (and strangest) amalgamations I’ve ever seen. Plus, Scott Steiner is currently undergoing a career renaissance over there. I think this is his fourth or fifth of those. |
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I said Sheamus wasn’t as heavy a favourite, well, he’s still a pretty heavy favourite to win the World title at Mania. Wins over Dolph Ziggler and the rapidly plummeting Mark Henry continue to add to Sheamus’ impressive win streak over the past few months. |
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Sure, he’s only beating Heath Slater, but hey, no matter how bad Slater’s losing streaks may be, he’s not the one getting threatened by Teddy Long every time he loses. |
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So, apparently Eve is such a hated heel that the crowd was chanting “We Want Ryder” during her match on Smackdown. Or maybe the crowd would actually just rather see Zack Ryder than Eve. Go figure. |
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Inactive List as of 02.27.12
WWE Raw
– Evan Bourne, out 60 days as of January 17th (Wellness)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of August 23rd (knee surgeries)
WWE SmackDown
– Layla El, out indefinitely as of May 23rd (ACL/MCL surgery)
– Randy Orton, out indefinitely as of February 14th (concussion)
– Sin Cara, out 6-9 months as of November 20th (ruptured patella)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)
TNA
– Chris Sabin, out indefinitely (shoulder)
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
– Ric Flair, out 4-6 months as of September 14th (tricep)
– Sting, day-to-day as of January 29th (heel)
Transactions
– Brian Kendrick, TNA, will not return to TNA
– Drew McIntyre, SD!, “released from his contract” as of March 2nd
– Randy Orton, SD!, returned to action on March 2nd Smackdown
– Shannon Moore, TNA, taking a sabbatical from pro wrestling
WWE
WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 106 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho, WrestleMania XXVIII
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan
– 78 day reign, defeated The Big Show by cashing in Money in the Bank on December 18th (TLC PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Sheamus, WrestleMania XXVIII
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes
– 206 day reign, defeated Ezekiel Jackson on August 12th (Smackdown)
– Next title defense: vs The Big Show, WrestleMania XXVIII
WWE United States Champion: Jack Swagger
– 49 day reign, defeated Zack Ryder on January 16th (Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Epico and Primo
– 50 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne on January 15th (house show)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 148 day reign, defeated Kelly Kelly on October 2nd (Hell in a Cell PPV)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 123 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs James Storm, Lockdown PPV
TNA Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe and Magnus
– 22 day reign, defeated Crimson and Matt Morgan on February 12th (Against All Odds PPV)
TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 169 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Zema Ion, Lockdown PPV
TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 113 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Madison Rayne, Lockdown PPV
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Gail Kim and Madison Rayne
– 123 day reign, defeated Miss Tessmacher and Tara on November 3rd (Impact)
TNA Television Champion: Robbie E
– 113 day reign, defeated Eric Young on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)
De Marco has…what the…The Wrestling 10&1? Way to make the rest of us look lazy, man.
Bazar has The Contentious Ten.
Frame has The Wrestling Framework.
Rutherford has The Wrestling Sandwich.
Acero has The Triumverate of Truth.
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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Tuesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op.
Here it is, your Moment of Buddy
If You Play Buddy’s Game Of Thrones, You Just Die.
Nobody Takes Buddy’s Throne.
Have a good one, and always be a fan.
