wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 03.19.12
Monday, March 19th, 2012
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
The Perfect Face For Radio
Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, satisfied that Community has returned to dominance (well, relatively). However, I have to ask, what is Summer Glau doing on Grey’s Anatomy? Shouldn’t she be making more doomed-to-early-cancellation sci-fi shows that make her more and more beloved in the nerd community? I only ask because I really don’t want to have to start watching Grey’s regularly again. Talk about horribly depressing shows where nobody gets to be happy, least of all the viewers. But enough about The Walking Dead.
Moving on.
Larry has the live coverage.
James Storm defeated Bully Ray to become #1 Contender to the TNA World title (pinfall, Last Call)
I never thought I’d say this, but Bully Ray deserved better than that short match.
Austin Aries defeated Zema Ion to retain the TNA X Division title (submission, Last Chancery)
Samoa Joe and Magnus defeated Matt Morgan and Crimson to retain the TNA Tag Team titles (pinfall, Snapmare-Elbow)
And we get the Crimson turn on Matt Morgan that nobody was really demanding. Are there any tag teams left for Joe and Magnus to face now?
Devon defeated Robbie E to win the TNA TV Title (pinfall, spinebuster)
Yeah, that title means anything.
Gail Kim defeated Madison Rayne to retain the TNA Knockouts Title (pinfall, Eat De-feet)
AJ Styles and Mr. Anderson defeated Christopher Daniels and Kazarian (Styles pinned Kaz, Styles Clash)
Kurt Angle defeated Jeff Hardy (pinfall, pin reversal with ropes)
Bobby Roode defeated Sting in a No Holds Barred match (pinfall, Sting KO’s self on chair somehow)
Don’t look at me, I didn’t believe it when I wrote it either.
Last week, it was The Rock Concert and John Cena rapping. The less said the better. No, wait, one thing: thanks WWE, for showing us once again that you’d be perfectly fine with putting the John Cena we remember and loved on your PG-rated show, but not doing it because…
Anyway, no doubt we’ll have more Rock-Cena shenanigans this week. And also more from Triple H, The Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels, who will all be in attendance to talk about their roles in the Hell in a Cell match at WrestleMania. Can Shawn be trusted to call the match fairly, or is his long friendship with Triple H too strong a bond? We won’t get the real answers until WrestleMania, but the speculation will continue to run rampant tonight!
Plus, the battle between Chris Jericho and CM Punk went to a new level last week, as Chris Jericho shocked the world with the revelation that Punk’s Straight Edge lifestyle is the product of his father’s alcoholism. Jericho promised to bring out Punk’s genetic disposition towards drinking in the coming weeks, guaranteeing that Y2J will be the one leaving Mania with the WWE Title, and Punk will be left with nothing but his demons. With such a surprising statement made and repeated by Jericho last week, will Punk have any response tonight?
And the war between brands is officially going to come to a head with the battle between Teddy Long and Johnny Ace ending in a 12-man tag match at WrestleMania, with both GM jobs on the line. Both teams have already named three members each, and three more remain to be revealed, hopefully tonight so we can see how right I was about predicting the teams.
Also, more matches for Mania may be determined, the Divas are apparently fighting Maria Menounos, and probably some passive aggressive behaviour from Daniel Bryan, tonight on Raw!
Shameless Self-Promotion
Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like this whole Internet thing is here to stay, and it’s high time I got more involved in the leading edge. That is why I’m proud to announce the creation of the new, totally unauthorized (in that I haven’t told anyone I was doing this. I’m sure it’ll be cool, right Larry?), entirely unscripted and completely unrehearsed TWNE After Dark podcast!
That’s right, every week (probably), assuming anyone’s interested in listening to me ramble, I’ll be taking to the airwaves to touch on any wrestling issues that might be stale by the time the next Experience rolls around, including any reader comments, Tweets, or e-mails that you’d like me to address, because what the hell, you all seem like good people, we should interact more.
I will warn you, I have no training in broadcasting, but I have no journalism training either and I’ve been doing this for eight years now. Still, if you’re expecting professionalism you can go look somewhere else. Hell, I think at one point I go to commercial without warning because I forgot to do a lead-out. Also, until I get a little more comfortable with the format and determine if anyone’s actually listening, I’m probably going to avoid doing live podcasts, at least for a couple weeks, but that option is available for the future. Also, I don’t really have any cool guests like De Marco, but I do have a cat for a sidekick. So there’s that.
Also, just the standard warning in case the title didn’t give you a hint: this podcast contains a (mostly) mature adult host and may occasionally include uncensored adult language and topics. Parental and listener discretion is advised.
Still interested? The first podcast is already up and running, talking about an e-mail I received about the WWE Tag division and my thoughts on Chris Jericho’s highly charged promo from last Monday’s Raw! All you have to do is click on the picture below!
Check back often, I’m planning another episode for…um…sometime this week. Definitely before Friday. It’ll be advertised on Twitter, so follow me and be prepared. Also, maybe I can get them to advertise it here. Assuming they’re not mad I didn’t warn them. We’ll see.
Okay, actual wrestling news now!
Derailed
A strange and sudden rumour floated around last week that WWE may have signed Giant Bernard, formerly known in WWE as A-Train (and before he was named after a mode of transportation, Albert), reportedly in order to make him a bodyguard for Johnny Ace and potentially feud with John Cena after WrestleMania. Don’t look at me like that, those were the rumours I heard.
Anyway, the wrestler himself has publically denounced those rumours, which if you think about it never really made sense in the first place. Most importantly, WWE has plenty of guys already on the roster that could easily fill the role of “big guy who beats up people for Johnny Ace”. Hell, if David Otunga had a thimbleful of talent he’d already be in that role. Off the top of my head, anyway, there’s Mason Ryan and the still-to-debut Ryback (formerly Skip Sheffield), but a case could also be made for any number of other guys both on the roster and in FCW. It makes no sense that WWE would suddenly go and get another guy to fill such a limited and simple role when they already have so many other in-house options.
Secondly, and maybe this one is just my own faint hope, Johnny should be losing his job at WrestleMania anyway, so why would he need a bodyguard? I know, I know, this is totally going to be a case of WWE doing the opposite of what makes sense, and I know people think they’re coming around on Johnny Ace’s “idiot who can’t cut promos or be taken seriously” gimmick, but remember, you already gave Michael Cole’s stupid angry heel announcer gimmick from NXT Season 3 a chance and look where we ended up. It won’t be decent for long, and you all know it, but now WWE thinks you might want to see more. And more. And even more until you want to be the sort of person who might buy a sniper rifle and solve the problem of him being on TV that way.
Not that I would. I’m just speculating idly.
More Reasons To Hate Oklahoma Than That Stupid Musical
So, apparently, the state of Oklahoma has suddenly revoked all licenses for MMA, boxing, and pro wrestling events as of March 31st, in a confusing web of intrigue involving a 4% tax on PPV buys for citizens of the state that UFC had reportedly planned to sue the Oklahoma State Athletic Commission over. Yes, this does seem like something of an overreaction, why do you ask?
How this affects WWE is obvious, especially since they already have an event scheduled in Oklahoma for the fall, with tickets set to go on sale sometime over the summer. Of course, since they’re clearly not the company Oklahoma is upset with, and also because they have enough money for the right bribes, the Commission has already said that they will find a way to make sure that the scheduled WWE events take place. Which is nice, because I’d hate to never have a way for WWE to denigrate and humiliate the greatest lead announcer they’ve ever had in his home state ever again. Ahem.
– Rumours are flying that CM Punk vs Chris Jericho will open Mania. Jericho was quick to respond on Twitter “Don’t be silly. It’ll be the dark match”, because he’s awesome. Also, given how many huge matches are on the card, I think it’s a great idea to kick of Mania with a potential MOTYC. Also, at that point the show won’t be going long so they probably won’t get their time cut.
– By beating The Great Khali on Friday, Cody Rhodes won his first televised or PPV match since January 27th. Good thing he’s not holding a championship or anything…oh wait.
– WWE Legends House has apparently finished filming. Now they have something to show to people to try and sell the Network! I can’t believe I managed to say that with a straight face.
– WWE Films is reportedly going to start making movies based on a revival of the Leprechaun franchise. Yeah, that division will be gone by 2013.
– It seems more and more likely that the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania really was scrapped when Wade Barrett got injured. Which must make the other guys who would have been involved in such a match feel really good that nobody in WWE thought they were equally deserving of the MITB push and instead just ditched the whole thing.
– WWE’s CFO has reiterated the company line that UFC is not competition for WWE. Which is a good thing, because if they were, UFC would be winning in a walk.
– Apparently there are still plans for a WWE Draft over the summer. Because now that Superstars are on both shows and they’re planning to shrink down to a single GM, the brand extension still totally exists in anyone’s mind?
Bryan had another impressive win on Smackdown…wait, what do you mean he didn’t wrestle on Smackdown? I’m pretty sure I saw him celebrating a big victory that was entirely his doing. Strange. Well, he clearly left an impression of some sort. |
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More please, said the orphan boy to the cruel man, knowing he wasn’t going to get any more once this feud is over anyway, but still holding the slight hope that if he asked nicely enough, he might get rewarded. Ah, analogies. They’re like ideas wearing another idea’s hat. |
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It’s how it always goes, he plays to fool just long enough and then *BAM* you remember he’s an evil soulless bastard who will stoop to any depth for an advantage. Also, “CM Drunk”? That’s so much better than when Cena was desperately trying to get “CM Sucks” over. |
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I’m not sure if I’m giving this spot to Captain Charisma for his promo or his…let’s say “adventurous” choice in hairstyle upon return. At least it’s one up on Swagger’s new ‘do. |
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Well, he’s back and still doing the same thing, but there’s…something different about the big guy. He doesn’t seem quite as happy as he used to be. Well, I guess getting yanked of TV for no reason for a month might do that to you. |
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Henry seems to be on the road back to respectability lately, dominating all three current members of Team Teddy on Monday and then picking up an easy victory over Yoshi Tatsu on Smackdown. |
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He may be stuck in a tag team again, but Kofi continues to do the right things in the ring. His 99th match against Dolph Ziggler on Superstars a couple weeks ago falls out of this week’s purview, but I’m always extra happy when someone beats David Otunga. Someone get that man a travel mug with a handle! |
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Off TV for quite a long time (did anyone notice?), Anderson finds himself in a feud where he can’t help but improve. I mean, if you can’t become a better wrestler surrounded by AJ Styles, Kaz, and Christopher Daniels, maybe you just shouldn’t be a wrestler. |
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The Rock Concert dragged and the “We Will Rock You” part was a bad idea that shouldn’t have made air, but the “Jailhouse Rock” parody actually had some clever lines, even if he did have to resort to a weird straddling of the kayfabe line for the Eve bit. It’s actually a bit confusing, now that Cena’s acknowledged his wife on TV. Are we supposed to forget or remember that he’s married? |
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Well, at least somebody here is saving the promo portion of this feud. Triple H managed to cut a better promo by simply crotch-chopping than he’d done up to this point. |
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Inactive List as of 03.12.12
WWE Raw
– Evan Bourne, out 60 days as of January 17th (Wellness)
– Kharma, out indefinitely as of January 2012 (personal)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of August 23rd (knee surgeries)
WWE SmackDown
– Layla El, out indefinitely as of May 23rd (ACL/MCL surgery)
– Sin Cara, out 6-9 months as of November 20th (ruptured patella)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)
TNA
– Chris Sabin, out indefinitely (shoulder)
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
– Ric Flair, out 4-6 months as of September 14th (tricep)
Transactions
No reported transactions
WWE
WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 120 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho, WrestleMania XXVIII
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan
– 92 day reign, defeated The Big Show by cashing in Money in the Bank on December 18th (TLC PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Sheamus, WrestleMania XXVIII
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes
– 220 day reign, defeated Ezekiel Jackson on August 12th (Smackdown)
– Next title defense: vs The Big Show, WrestleMania XXVIII
WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
– 14 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on March 5th (Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Epico and Primo
– 64 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne on January 15th (house show)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 162 day reign, defeated Kelly Kelly on October 2nd (Hell in a Cell PPV)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 137 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs James Storm, Lockdown PPV
TNA Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe and Magnus
– 36 day reign, defeated Crimson and Matt Morgan on February 12th (Against All Odds PPV)
TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 184 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)
TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 127 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 11 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)
**NEW** TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 1 day reign, defeated Robbie E on March 18th (Victory Road PPV)
De Marco has The Wrestling 5&1.
Acero has The Triumverate of Truth.
Rutherford has The Wrestling Sandwich.
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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Tuesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op, and the TWNE After Dark podcast sometime this week!
Here it is, your Moment of Buddy
Buddy’s Appearance on TWNE After Dark Did Not Come Cheaply.
Let’s Just Say Mario Williams Would Be Jealous.
Have a good one, and always be a fan.
