wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 04.09.12
Monday, April 9th, 2012
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
I Shall Welease Bwian!
Good morning, Happy Easter Monday and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, as happy to see the end of the NHL season as I am to see the start of MLB, thus ensuring that I can spend my spring and summer the same way I spend my fall and winter: in a nice parabolic arc of emotion consisting of hope, optimism, joy, worry, denial, anger, sarcasm, mockery, acceptance, and then ignoring the playoffs. It’s not a perfect system, but it’s all I’ve got.
What do you think, Lil Bryan? Should we move on?
I concur.
Last week, John Cena made sure to remind people that he will never change, just because he lost the biggest match of his life at WrestleMania. Before he could finish reverting to the usual Cena we all know and are forced to tolerate, Cena was interrupted by the shocking (well, it was shocking when we found out before Mania) return of Brock Lesnar, who was quick to make his intentions known, leaving Cena laying with an F5.
Plus, Johnny Ace was quick to exert his authority, most notably promising CM Punk that he would be defending his WWE Title very, very regularly. This after Punk was beaten so badly by Mark Henry that he lost the match by being unable to return to the ring in time, retaining the title only because it cannot change hands via countout. After that, Punk was assaulted by Chris Jericho, who proceeded to shower Punk with alcohol and (allegedly) shatter a bottle over the champion’s head. Personally, I’m more upset that he wasted good whiskey, but Punk might want revenge also. The question is, can Punk maintain his composure in the face of an assault from seemingly all sides?
Meanwhile, US Champion Santino Marella managed to escape the wrath of GM Johnny and his hatchetmen Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger, and in the process earned himself an ally in the form of the gigantic Funkasaurus. Can two of WWE’s most beloved Superstars hold off two of its most diabolical, especially with the power of the GM behind Ziggler and Swagger?
And the WWE Tag Team champions made noise on Twitter this past week about being ignored at WrestleMania and on TV last week. Will the squeaky wheels get what they deserve tonight? Also, The Three Stooges for some reason! All this and more tonight on Raw!
Where Do We Go From Here?
All right, so Brock is here, and whatever money he’s making, he’s at least going to be giving us some wrestling before the year is said and done. Apparently WWE is hoping for Rock-Brock II at WrestleMania XXIX, which would be interesting given what happened the last time Brock wrestled in New York. But before that, there’s twelve months between then and now, and Brock is going to be working many of them. Well, not that many, probably two or three a month including PPVs, and most of those will be weighted more towards next year’s Mania. Still, there’s a better chance that he won’t disappear from now until November so that WWE can pretend they’re doing a year-long build. And indeed, it’s already been advertised that Brock will be in action at Extreme Rules, and if I had to guess, I’d say his first opponent could very well be John Cena.
Now, I know Cena should probably be Brock’s last opponent, but since it seems WWE has given that one to Rock, I think we could easily see Cena-Brock building towards SummerSlam, starting with Brock brutalizing Cena in some sort of gimmick match at Extreme Rules. Maybe they’ll even take Cena out of the ring or off TV for a while! Maybe he can be the star of the Marine 3: Marine Hard With A Vengeance! Let CM Punk be the actual top guy on Raw for a bit!
All right, I’m back from my fever dream where things work out my way, and we’ll go with the secondary plan: the culmination of Punk being put through the wringer by Johnny Ace is Brock dismantling him at Extreme Rules and taking the WWE Title. Because it also makes sense and gives Cena-Brock (still probably at SummerSlam) something big to build to. It kind of leaves CM Punk out in the cold again, but hopefully he and Jericho can have a few more ****+ star matches while waiting for another real shot on top.
Or maybe neither of those, because this is WWE Creative and they’ve shown in the past they could book an unsatisfying ending to a porno. Also, they’re not so good at beginnings, and they’re pretty weak on middles. In that case, all hail the next WWE Champion: Lord Tensai!
Go ahead, laugh. You’ll see.
Yes?
So by now you probably know about how WWE set up Sheamus-Bryan at WrestleMania to be over so quickly that it would set a record for fastest World title change at WrestleMania, which it did as long as you stop pretending the WWECW Title was ever a World title. Also, there’s a reason why the alleged most important belts in the company don’t change hands in under a minute: it’s goddamned stupid. Anyway, that was the plan, and it did serve to maintain Sheamus’ path of dominance and continue the idea that Daniel Bryan can’t win a match against guys in the main event straight up. Even though we all know he could. Well, a funny thing happened after Sheamus beat Daniel Bryan in eighteen seconds: the wrong guy got over.
Yes, it appears that in the wake of being embarrassed at WrestleMania, Daniel Bryan is suddenly the most talked-about wrestler in WWE not named Brock Lesnar (and depending on who you talk to…). At Raw last Monday, the audience was steadfast that they had come to cheer for one man and one man only. Constant “Yes” chants dominated the night, starting from Rock’s opening promo and continuing right up until the Anomaly (quick, somebody find a list of the seventeen different nicknames Cole reeled off for Lesnar in the five minutes he was on TV. I agree that “Next Big Thing” is no longer good, but come on, guys) appeared at the end of Raw. The trend continued, not just on Smackdown, but also at real, legitimate (well, basketball) sporting events, as fans have apparently gotten their teeth into a new way to amuse themselves when what they’re watching fails.
And that’s really what this is about. WWE, rightly or wrongly, has once again positioned them against an increasingly intelligent fanbase who is clearly growing tired of being told “this is what we want you to want”. People can talk about “the Internet is a small percentage of wrestling fans”, and Mania being a “smart” fanbase and the Raw audience last week being a carryover from that, but after last week, you can be sure that the “Yes” chant, while it may not reach the heights of “What?”, it will be a very long time before it disappears from fan interactions. Sure, the not all wrestling fans are Internet fans, but it seems like despite being force-fed “entertainment”, a large number of them are still “wrestling” fans.
The silly thing is, WWE shouldn’t be shocked. After all, this isn’t the first time the WWE fanbase has gotten behind Daniel Bryan. The first time was even partially their fault. They put him on NXT, made him a loveable underdog, and Bryan’s natural charisma connected with the fans. When WWE fired him for one of the stupidest reasons in the history of people being fired, the fans rebelled, chanting loudly and often for the former indy darling. That time, WWE listened and brought Bryan back quickly, and surprise, surprise, he was popular.
So, here we are again. Against the odds and the will of WWE Creative, a man who isn’t over six feet tall and 280 pounds has gotten over by connecting with a loyal fanbase. He rose so quickly and with such an easily marketable catchphrase that you know they had to put a shirt out, and sure enough, it’s already on WWEShop and is apparently the #2 seller (behind Cena’s green monstrosity…really, people?), with a place on the top row and an advertisement in the main splash page. It seems like Bryan, through hard work and a little luck, and the dedication of wrestling fans everywhere (or at least in Florida) has placed himself in perfect position to stay in and around WWE main events for a good long while.
After all, what’s the worst that could happen?
Uh oh…
– TNA has signed a new multi-year (because “two” is indeed considered “multiple”) deal with Spike TV, so that’s going to keep going for a while. Good for them.
– A rumour is coming out that the WWE Creative team was not allowed to attend WWE’s WrestleMania Afterparty. Well, why should they, it’s not like they contributed anything good to the show.
– WWE’s stock hit a 52-week low last week, which probably isn’t good, but I don’t know enough about the stock market to talk about it. JP, why did you leave us?
– Former WWE Superstar Maven, who should have been a bigger warning to anyone who tried out for successive seasons of Tough Enough, was arrested last week for using prescriptions to acquire controlled substances. WWE has offered Maven rehab, which will then presumably be filmed and shown on MTV.
– Because WWE Network is a fantasy created from lies and whole cloth, that’s why I didn’t use it instead of MTV.
– For those of you wondering about Kurt Angle’s Olympic dream, apparently he tore his hamstring last week, which to him only lowered his chances of making the team to “50/50”, but don’t worry, if it comes down to it, Angle won’t sacrifice his TNA career in favour of the Olympics. They should just let him say this stuff on Impact so there’s video evidence of Angle’s descent into self-delusional insanity.
– Ric Flair’s TNA contract apparently expires at the end of the year and it’s more than likely he’ll go back to WWE, which he never should have left in the first place because they would have paid him just as much as TNA not to wrestle. The good news is, it’ll be okay to like him again!
– Just to confirm, Larry Zybysko is not dead. Only his career, and that hasn’t been news for years.
There he is! And with the power to render John Cena comatose simply by lifting Cena onto his shoulders, I would think there isn’t anything that the former Next Big Thing could be capable of. |
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YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Okay, I’m done. For now. |
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Henry beats the World Champion by countout on Raw, which is notable in that the countout wasn’t the result of outside interference, but Henry beating Punk so badly that Punk couldn’t get back in the ring. Add in what seems to be a slight frustration with David Otunga and a possible alliance with the nebulous “AW”, and the sky could be the limit for the World’s Strongest Man. |
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Having not seen Albert since he left North America, I would venture to say that it looks like he may have eaten his former partner Tomko during that time, but hey, I guess he’s supposed to be a big deal pretty quick, so let’s get used to him. |
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The former Skip Sheffield makes his much anticipated but totally unpromoted return, and at the very least, he looks impressive. Although I’m not sure what the whole post-match “raising and lowering my arms like I’m a GI Joe with karate chop action” thing is supposed to be. |
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With WrestleMania in the books, looks like it’s time to put one of Raw’s hottest acts into an actual feud. I’d say there’s a better than even chance that somehow, Clay ends up with the US Title when all is said and done. |
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Speaking of said feud, we get it, Dolph, you’re the greatest seller in WWE. That doesn’t mean you have to keep launching yourself at things like immobile Funkasaurs just so we can watch you bounce off like you’re made out of rubber. Although it is entertaining as hell. |
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There’s a surprise, Orton won the rematch. Am I the only one who notices that always happens? Not sure where he goes from here, because I really, really don’t want this feud to continue. I rarely get what I ask for, though. |
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Well, it looks like he’s back on the right side of things again, which is both good and bad, because he can be great as he proved when he won the WWE Title, but he can also be very tiresome, as he proved after he lost said title. |
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Well, there are worse ways to kick off feuds than by bitching on Twitter, but offhand I can’t imagine this goes anywhere in particular. |
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Inactive List as of 04.02.12
WWE Raw
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th (foot)
– Kharma, out indefinitely as of January 2012 (personal)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of August 23rd (knee surgeries)
WWE SmackDown
– Christian, day-to-day as of March 26th (not medically cleared for competition)
– Layla El, out indefinitely as of May 23rd (ACL/MCL surgery)
– Sin Cara, out 6-9 months as of November 20th (ruptured patella)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)
TNA
– Chris Sabin, out indefinitely (left pinky toe)
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
– Ric Flair, out 4-6 months as of September 14th (tricep)
Transactions
– Brock Lesnar, RAW, returned to WWE on April 2nd Raw
– Chris Sabin, TNA, returned to action on April 5th Impact
– Damien Sandow, SD!, made WWE (re-)debut on April 6th Smackdown
Why yes, he was in WWE before. Guess who he was for no prize at all!
– Drew McIntyre, SD!, day-to-day as of April 2nd (shoulder)
– Justin Gabriel, SD!, day-to-day as of April 2nd (forearm)
– Lord Tensai, RAW, made WWE (re-)debut on April 2nd Raw
– Ryback, SD!, made WWE (re-)debut on April 6th Smackdown
WWE
WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 141 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
– 8 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show
– 8 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
– 35 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on March 5th (Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Epico and Primo
– 85 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne on January 15th (house show)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 183 day reign, defeated Kelly Kelly on October 2nd (Hell in a Cell PPV)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 158 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs James Storm, Lockdown PPV
TNA Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe and Magnus
– 57 day reign, defeated Crimson and Matt Morgan on February 12th (Against All Odds PPV)
TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 205 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)
TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 148 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on November 13th (Turning Point PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Velvet Sky, Lockdown PPV
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 32 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)
TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 22 day reign, defeated Robbie E on March 18th (Victory Road PPV)
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