The Contentious Ten 5.07.12: Top 10 Wrestling T-Shirts

Hi, I’m not Michael Ornelas. Nope, instead, I’m Gavin Napier. Don’t dismay, Michael will be back soon, I’m just filling in for a bit while he tends to important stuff. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe that something could be more important than a wrestling website, but he’s got his priorities in order. I’ll try to do him proud while I’m here, though I’m sure you’ll all be relieved when he makes it back. Until then, let’s try to have some fun, shall we?

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Billy Jack Haynes “…Soon.”size=6>

I’ll be honest, this shirt is here for mostly comedic value. The first time I saw this shirt, I busted out laughing, and it still makes me chuckle. It’s an internet meme before there was an internet, as the beady eyes of Billy Back Haynes are intently focused on somebody that’s about to get the full-nelsoning of a lifetime. The only way this shirt could have possibly been any better would have been if it included an outline of his beard to go along with that weird hat.

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John Cena “8 bit”size=6>

I know I’m in the minority on the internet, but I like John Cena. Somebody has to be the top babyface, and Cena’s perfect for the role. He’s mastered the art of getting beaten up only to make a furious comeback for the win. He appeals to kids and parents and is a genuinely decent person that does what’s asked of him. He consistently has good to great matches and a literal rainbow of t-shirts. Of everything that Cena has worn to the ring, though, this is number one with a bullet. The first time I saw it on him, I asked my friend if Cena was wearing a Pro Wrestling shirt. Obviously he wasn’t, but just as obviously, the shirt was inspired by what was the first wrestling video game most children of the 80’s played. The back design is just as clever, tipping the hat ever so slightly to the Konami code. As I mentioned in my Handicapping the News column on Friday, nostalgia can be a powerful tool. Powerful enough to get this on my list.

Confession: I never liked the old white/grey Four Horsemen shirts. The logo didn’t seem to fit. Confession #2: I don’t really like the WWE’s Four Horsemen shirt, either. It just seems like it’s lacking something. This, though, is perfect. Four flaming horse’s heads make it seem like the group is something almost mythical, which isn’t far from the truth within the professional wrestling world. Three dark horses and one well lit horse is also appropriate, as the Horsemen were always Flair and three more. Now, obviously, Arn Anderson was a constant, but the other two parts changed quite a bit through the years, and it was never in question that Ric Flair was the leader of the group. Finally, the Old English font lends almost an air of royalty to the design. This is one of the few wrestling shirts that I’ve held on to through the years, and maybe the only wrestling shirt I own that I don’t regret spending the money on.

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Christian Cage “The Instant Classic”size=6>

The only TNA entry on my list, and it’s not even my favorite Christian Cage t-shirt. My personal favorite is the It’s Like This shirt. However, the Instant Classic design is so unique that I felt like it deserved the spot here. The front of the shirt has an old school wrestling marquee on it informing us of Christian Cage’s greatness, with the Instant Classic logo on the back. I feel like Christian’s time in TNA was essential to his growth as a singles wrestler and allowed him to show the world that he was more than Edge’s tag team partner. Christian was successful at the top of the card as a face and a heel, and had one great match after another while winning multiple TNA World titles. He earned the nickname of the Instant Classic while in TNA, and this shirt is a nice piece of propaganda to support that.

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Randy Savage “Sunglasses”size=6>

Of all the wrestling shirts that came around during the 80’s, this one is by far my favorite. Macho Man was a different breed altogether, especially for the 80’s era WWF. The promotion at that time focused around guys like Hulk Hogan, Paul Orndorff, Roddy Piper, and various cartoonish characters that could be marketed to kids. Randy Savage arrived and was smaller than most of the roster, but still ripped. He brought with him an intensity that nobody else in the company could match and an ability to work against the top faces and draw incredible heat while being a believable main eventer. Savage had what was at the time the longest Intercontinental title reign in company history and was the perfect foil for Hogan. He was a complete change of pace from the run of big guys that Hogan had been dealing with like King Kong Bundy, Kamala, and Big John Studd. He was flamboyant, loud, and had the “it” factor that divides stars from superstars. This shirt was bright, had the trademark shades, Savage’s face, and one of the best nicknames ever right on the front. Who could ask for more?

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Chris Jericho “WCW Monday Jericho”size=6>

I’ve been a Jericho mark since he started squeaking out wins against guys like Bobby Eaton on WCW Saturday Night. Seeing him evolve from the plucky underdog to a guy that threw tantrums to a guy that was stealing the show every Monday night was a lot of fun, and this shirt was absolutely perfect for him. Jericho has had several great shirts through the years, including the Jericoholic design, the Jericohol design, and his Save_Us shirt. Through the years, though, this remains my favorite. It epitomized where Jericho was as a heel at that point and became a symbol of solidarity amongst the Jerichoholics that made up the cult fan base that would rapidly expand beyond that cult status. Jericho’s finest moment may very well be his debut on RAW, which started with a thunderous “Welcome to RAW..IS…JERICHO!” The foundations of that moment were laid when Jericho claimed Nitro as his own, with this shirt as the evidence.

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ECW “EC F’N W”size=6>

The Tribe of Extreme captured the wrestling world’s imagination by being counter culture. They did things louder, faster, and more violently than anybody else, and did it very well. They were also ahead of the curve on the edgy t-shirt trend. The EC F’N W shirt was routinely spotted on Perry Saturn in the Eliminators well before he made the jump to WCW, while Kronus sported a “Hard Core Cafe” shirt inspired by the Hard Rock Cafe design. The success of this shirt, and the reason it ranks this highly on the list, is because is summarizes the entirety of ECW on a simple piece of cloth. This was an era when wrestling was still decidedly PG and for ECW to go so far as to include “F’N” in crimson letters was a big step towards breaking out of the family friendly mold that had been cast by Vince’s WWF and Hogan’s arrival in WCW. It wouldn’t be long before the Attitude Era truly begun, or before Hall and Nash invaded WCW and the wrestling landscape changed forever. Wearing this shirt identified you as one of the cool kids that got on the bandwagon early.

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nWo “new World order”size=6>

One more for the good guys. In the right place – think small time wrestling shows or in the audience at a pay per view, among other things – you’ll still see one of the original black and white nWo shirts floating around. Why? Well, because they may have been the first wrestling shirt that was socially acceptable to wear. If you were a grown man wearing an Ultimate Warrior or Sting shirt in the 90’s, you were probably going to be ridiculed, and rightfully so. Most shirts, up to that point, featured either a drawing of the wrestler or horrendous bright colors that made you stick out like a sore thumb in an era when it wasn’t cool to be a wrestling fan. Considering that the nWo angle actually bled over onto The Tonight Show on NBC at one point and featured Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman at another, it had reached a level of social acceptability that an El Matador shirt just never would. The simplistic design didn’t hurt, as a black and white shirt featuring exactly zero drawings of wrestlers worked with everyone’s wardrobe. This is also the only shirt that I know of that inspired at least four other shirts as direct knock offs – nWo Wolfpac, lWo, bWo, and Randy Orton’s rKo shirt.

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Steve Austin “Austin 3:16”size=6>

Do not underestimate the selling power of marketing a self proclaimed redneck to an audience that contains a ton of rednecks. Once Stone Cold took off, this shirt was everywhere. It was on television on WWE broadcasts, WCW broadcasts, and sporting events. You were as likely to see this shirt on a random trip to the mall as you were to see teenage degenerates hanging out in front of Hot Topic being all angsty. The appeal went beyond just sporting the catchphrase of one of the biggest stars in wrestling history. It was simple and looked cool. Black shirt, white letters, it had much of the same appeal as the nWo shirt that’s mentioned before it. I debated back and forth between Austin 3:16 and the nWo shirts, and as much of a WCW mark as I was, Austin was simply bigger and the shirt was, again, damn near everywhere.

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Hulk Hogan “Hulkamania”size=6>

It’s not my personal favorite, but there’s no denying the iconic value of this shirt. Not only is it immediately recognizable to any and every wrestling fan ever, but it’s immediately recognizable to anybody that lived through the 80’s. That’s a lot of people. The yellow shirt with red letters is also recognizable in it’s second, more evolved form – torn to rags. This shirt went beyond simple marketing and became as much a part of Hulk Hogan’s gimmick and character as did the word “brother” and post match posedowns. The shirt was popular enough that at one point, you could order a gimmicked version of it from the Official WWF Merchandise Catalog. The shirt had a strip of velcro down the center so that it could be repeatedly torn off as you re-enacted Hulk Hogan matches on your own. But you know, don’t try this at home, right?

I think this is the part where Michael again encourages you to leave your own lists below and to list some topics to choose next week’s list from . I’ll do the same. If there were any omissions, feel free to make your lists below. These lists are always subjective and I love reading other people’s reasonings for certain entries they feel should be higher or lower. No voting this week, just make some suggestions and I’ll pick whatever tickles my fancy…though I’ve already seen one suggestion that’s very tempting.