Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 05.24.12

This will shut you bat fanboys up. If you had the choice of being batman, a regular person who just mastered martial arts, worked out alot, has good detective skills and lots of money who can get hurt just like any other person….

…or superman, an alien who looks human and has super fucking strength, super hearing and vision, heat vision, freeze breath, ABILITY TO FLY, super speed, xray vision, ABILITY TO FLY, can survive in space and whos only weakness is kryptonite….yeah, i would take super alien.

Posted By: El Guesto (Guest) on May 18, 2012 at 07:53 AM

You’re missing the point. The point isn’t which superhero we’d rather be, it’s which superhero we’d rather watch. If you look at box office grosses for the Superman vs. Batman movies, then the answer is clear. Batman is more fun to watch because he’s more likely to be in danger, and because his villains are cooler. Same rules go for the babyface in wrestling. Also, if your top babyface is unbeatable and is constantly fighting pathetic heels, then why bother buying a PPV when the outcome is all but guaranteed?

And I must say, my one or two throwaway comic book lines generated most of the discussion over anything else I said last week. Is that all it takes? Okay then – MARVEL IS A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN DC. Go at it.

The reason why the list of Vince’s hand-picked top faces looks so impressive is because it’s missing the ones that didn’t get over like he’d hoped.

Particularly in the post-Hogan pre-Bret period, there were several aborted attempts at pushing someone as The Guy that don’t show on that list. Diesel, Luger and (much as I hate to say it) Warrior were all hand-picked by Vince to be the top face and didn’t draw enough to make it stick.

Depending on what you look at as the “top face” push, you could also have Batista, Orton (the first time) and even Eddie Guerrero as more recent examples.

Vince is clearly a good promoter, and the business will miss him – but anyone looks like a genius if you ignore the times they got it wrong.

Posted By: Dave_W (Guest) on May 17, 2012 at 09:02 AM

I disagree. Even though Lex and Diesel didn’t catch fire like Vince wanted, he still got Bret and HBK out of that era. Never mind that Taker was there the whole time.

Creating a character from scratch that can generate ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS a year is not easy. If it were, we’d all be doing it. Vince has done it over and over again. No one ever said he had a perfect record, but there are very few that can claim so many amazing successes. To stick with the comic book theme, Stan Lee created Spider-Man, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, etc. — but he also created some real stinkers, too. But the stinkers don’t matter, because the sheer number of incredible hits more than overshadows the misses. Same goes for Vince.

Kofi immediately popped into my head when you said about the next big face that Vince is looking for.
Despite being criminaly under used and mis-handled he still gets a great pop from the fans. And also is one of the few guys they brought in as a face and got over with the crowd that way. Usally you’ve got to be a heel first then go face.

If they hadn’t completlty given up on him Miz could have had a good face run. Maybe not Cena level but he already had the media part of it down pat and I’m sure Vince likes that.

Posted By: Andre the Midget (Guest) on May 17, 2012 at 05:31 PM

Eh, maybe Kofi can do it. We got a peek at how well he can carry himself when he smashed Randy Orton’s racecar. But my gut feeling is that NONE of the current crop of SuperStars will be your next John Cena. Many have potential, but my sneaking suspicion is that it’ll be someone brand spankin’ new.

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Where’s the beef?

You’re reading the only columnist that correctly guessed all the winners of Over the Limit! And before anyone says anything, I can make the “only” claim because I also called the Ryback vs. Jobber match that wasn’t even announced! Yay Sean! Now, onto the news!

WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

– Since WrestleMania 28, morale has reportedly been declining within WWE. WrestleMania 28 was considered a blockbuster show that delivered, and they that was followed up with the big return of Brock Lesnar.

But now the general feeling is that things are already “back to normal” and the company has no direction with their storylines.

I can only think of one word for this news item…

Duh?

It’s expected. The main event matches of John Cena vs. The Rock and Cena/Lesnar’s brutal match pale in comparison to Cena vs. Fat White Guy #1 (Tensai) or Fat White Guy #2 (Big Show).

While a lot of the blame for this has to fall on creative’s shoulders, particularly if your last name is McMahon, I’m personally a proponent of “stop complaining and do something about it.” The storylines aren’t interesting – not just because the writing is bad, but also because a lot of the characters aren’t anything special. Zack Ryder is living proof that a Superstar can take matters into his or her own hands and make the big time. Morale wouldn’t be so low if these Sports Entertainers focused on becoming more entertaining. If I were in that spot, I’d use every waking moment to obsess over how to move up to the next level. If the young guys aren’t doing that, then they are wasting everybody’s time. Right now is the time for the next big SuperStar to break out. This isn’t 2000, where there were tons of top names crowding the main event scene. The WWE is desperate for new big names – so take notice midcarders! Step up your game and you could be the next guy to carry the company!

– WWE announced during USA Network’s upfront presentation that Raw will go to three hours on a permanent basis starting with its 1000th episode on July 23rd. The show will air from 8 PM – 11 PM every Monday and will have “interactive elements” during the first hour that will lead to matches and stipulations in last two hours

Man, three hours seems like a long time. While I like the fact that the show will become more interactive, I’m skeptical that they can pull off three hours of compelling programming every Monday night. They have a hard enough time pulling off two hours! Here’s my take on what options the WWE has to pull off a three hour show:

a) More Wrestling. Right now your average match on RAW is like 4-6 minutes, maybe even shorter. With 50% more TV time, you can increase your matches by 50%, giving us matches that last between 6-9 minutes. The Pro for this approach is that we get more wrestling and the performers get more opportunity to showcase their talent. The Con is that you don’t want to wear out your talent by consistently having them wrestle longer matches

b) Feature More Talent. Guys like Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins can potentially get more TV time. The Pro is that newer, younger stars get an opportunity to get over with the audience. The Con is that these are guys no one really knows about, and featuring them won’t pay dividends for a long time.

c) HHH can cut more promos. That’s another 20-30 minutes right there!

– Brooke Hogan has announced that she’s signed with TNA. TMZ reports that Brooke will not wrestle for the company but instead will be the head of the Knockouts Division.

Dixie Carter commented, saying “Brooke is such a great talent who’s really sharp and will make a great addition to the TNA family.” TMZ reports that Brooke’s duties will be to help the Knockouts develop their characters, work with them on backstage promos and consult on entrance music among other things.

All I can do with an announcement like this is shake my head. I actually watched Hogan Knows Best, and Brooke is a smart, talented woman. Ever hear her song “Rough Me Up,” featuring Heath Slater’s favorite rapper, Flo Rida? It’s actually pretty catchy. However, to pretend that she is qualified to run a women’s wrestling division is ludicrous. I can guarantee you that this is what happened:

Brooke: “Daddy, I failed as a musician and now I need something to do. I’m bored.”

Hulk: “Want to work for TNA?”

Brooke: “But I don’t know anything about wrestling other than watching you for 20 years.”

Hulk: “You don’t need to. I’ll call Dixie and we’ll come up with something.”

The End.

Nepotism at its finest, folks. As long as the Hulkster has a job with TNA, don’t expect Brooke to go away any time soon, unless she suddenly finds success in music. So…yeah, don’t expect her to go away any time soon.

According to TMZ, Elizabeth Cena has filed papers in Florida court, claiming that John Cena’s recent divorce petition is filled with errors and should be dismissed.

Elizabeth claims that John inaccurately refers to her by her maiden name (Huberdeau) instead of her legal name (Cena). Due to that, Elizabeth says John fails to bring “a proper dissolution of marriage action” against her. She further claims that Cena failed to attach the prenup agreement he references in his initial divorce filing. The agreement must be attached in order for the filing to be valid.

Elizabeth also takes issues with John’s claim that there’s no marital property, in fact she insists that there is and she wants to receive her share. Due to the above reasons, Elizabeth wants a judge to dismiss John’s petition and force him to re-file.

This is all about one thing, folks. MONEY. Huberdeau knows that the marriage is over, and now’s the time to cash out. The only problem is that the pre-nup seems to be iron-clad and her chances of getting some easy cash are few and far between. So what does she do? She tries to make the divorce as painful and drawn out as possible so Cena will pay to make her go away quickly and quietly.

So the big questions are: How much does she want, and how much is he willing to give? The greater the distance between those two numbers, the more we’ll be hearing about this divorce in the future.

Chyna was rushed out of an adult film expo today after collapsing. TMZ reports that Chyna was “hanging out” at the 2012 Exxotica Expo in front of the main stage in Miami when she suddenly collapsed to the floor.

Several people reportedly rushed over to help and got her out of the expo. She was taken to a nearby hotel where she is now resting. TMZ reports that she was checked out by paramedics, who decided she didn’t need to head to the hospital.

She passed out, what, three times in three days? It seems we’re never short of stories on how far Chyna has fallen. At this rate, it’s just a short while until 411 is offering condolences to the family and loved ones of Joanie Laurer. On the bright side, even after she kicks the bucket, Chyna will still have another movie left in her: Ring Queen II: The Katie Vick Story (Featuring HHH).

– Lord Tensai is now being referred to on WWE.com as just Tensai. This appears to be the latest change tweak to his character following Smackdown last week where he came out without his robe and smacked Sakamoto around.

Great start, that’ll do wonders for his character. Now how about doing the following as well?

– Take that stupid writing off his face
– Have him drop 50 pounds
– Drop the whole Japanese angle
– Have his in-match breathing not sound like someone slowly inflating a balloon

– Ernest “The Cat” Miller recently spoke with Inside the Ropes Radio about Brodus Clay, his own career and more.

On Brodus Clay stealing his gimmick: “I haven’t watched it. I’ve nothing against him, he’s working for a company. I feel like someone told him to do it. He’s trying to make it work. Many fans have said he’s not as good as me and it made me popular without being on the TV show. It’s a little more than dancing. I was an athlete, I could wrestle. WWE had so many people afraid of their jobs, they never let me develop into what it could be. People like this guy out there dancing and saying call my momma, but he’s not the original. I could’ve made it work so in other words, I’m a little pissed off about it.”

At least Miller is intelligent enough to realize that it’s not Brodus who stole the gimmick, but it’s the company that gave it to him. But look closely at what the Cat is saying here. He’s essentially saying “I had a gimmick and it fell flat. Brodus takes that same exact gimmick and made it hugely popular. That pisses me off.” Um, so what you’re telling us is that it’s not the gimmick that was the problem, but it was YOU? After all, if Brodus Clay, a “non-athlete,” could get over that gimmick but The Cat couldn’t, what does that say about the Cat?

– Sources close to the situation have confirmed that Ric Flair has quit TNA. The sources claim that Flair basically just stopped showing up to events and the belief is that he will sign a WWE Legends deal and help with the WWE Network. Flair also has endorsements for energy drinks and the lottery to keep him going.

Who didn’t see this coming? The writing was on the wall once Flair decided that he’d show up to the Hall of Fame ceremony. Couple that with the company recently signing Flair’s daughter, and it’s painfully obvious that WWE is trying to woo Flair back into the fold. I’d be happy to see Flair back working for Vince, but as long as he stays out of the ring. Become a company ambassador, a manager, a Network commentator, whatever – just don’t embarrass yourself anymore. Pretty please.

Oh look, more on Flair…

-According to a source within TNA, a major issue which lead to tension between Ric Flair and TNA was the handling of the Gut Check segment on Impact featuring Alex Silva. Flair reportedly went off script when he chose Silva as the winner, which is now causing issues for TNA for two reasons. First of all Flair went into business for himself, which has upset people. Secondly, Silva is from Quebec, requiring TNA to spend more time and money getting him a US Visa if they want to use him regularly.

Here’s the segment in question:

What I don’t understand is, all three judges voted to bring Silva onto the roster, so why does it matter what Flair voted? Silva only needed two votes to get in! Whether or not Flair voted for Silva, Silva had the spot and the visa stuff would still be a concern. Also, the gut check segment is scripted as well? Maybe I’m naïve, but isn’t that supposed to be more of the “reality” aspect that TNA is going for? Finally, isn’t Gut Check pre-taped? If so, why not just pull the segment if they didn’t want Silva on the roster? Something doesn’t add up.

AS-SIGN-MENTS

Everybody likes reading the audience signs on TV. The only people who don’t like signs at a WWE event are the people sitting behind the fans holding up their signs. If you’re heading to a WWE event in the near future, here are some suggestions for signs that you can hold up. If you have any to add, please let me know in the comments below. Best sign suggestion gets a no-prize.

FOR A GOOD TIME…SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA!

JACK THWAGGER LIKETH THITH THIGN!

JERICHO IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD…AT LOSING PPV MATCHES

WHO THE HELL IS CAMACHO?

AJ, PLEASE EAT SOMETHING!

VINCE FEARS @FGOODISH!

THIS SIGN IS FLIMSIER THAN SIN CARA’S KNEE!

EVE! YOUR BEST YEARS ARE BEHIND YOU!

HEY KHALI! LET’S RACE!

HHH STANDS FOR HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS!

I CAME FOR KANE’S THREE FOOT, ONE-EYED MONSTER!

I PAID TO SEE K-KRUSH K-KWIK R-TRUTH!

HORNSWOGGLE IS A RACIST!

WAIT, IS TENSAI JUST A FAT, BALD WHITE GUY?

RE-HIRE JTG! WAIT…WHAT? NEVER MIND.

NON-SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT THING OF THE WEEK

I’m a big fan of optical illusions, the way that the eye and the brain can process things that aren’t necessarily accurate. And this particular one is cool in that all it does is flash a series of unaltered photos of celebrities. Take a look at the video, and you’ll see people considered to be attractive look hideous when viewed peripherally:

What’s happening is that your mind is processing both photos using your peripheral vision, and, relative to each other, the photos become distorted. So placing a photo of celebrity A with big eyes next to a photo of celebrity B with small eyes will make celebrity A’s eyes seem even more gigantic. Cool, right?

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET!

And of course, follow all the 411 stuff on Twitter! #spon

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SIGNING OFF

That’ll do it for this week, compadres. Join in on the fun next week when we discuss the Chris Jericho cockfighting scandal. (Card subject to change).

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.