wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 06.11.12
Monday, June 11th, 2012
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
Carries Less Than Twenty Dollars
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I’m Stephen Randle, and it’s already too damned hot. Have I complained about that already in the last couple months? Because it’s happening again and it’s only…wait, it’s June? What happened to May? For that matter, what happened to February through April? Oh, well, at least that means that the hockey season’s over and I can start looking forward to the offseason.
Wait, what? Really?
Moving on.
Rinehart had the live coverage.
Austin Aries defeated Samoa Joe to retain the TNA X Division title (pinfall, Brainbuster)
Hernandez defeated Kid Kash (pinfall, top rope splash)
Garrett Bischoff and Devon defeated Robbie E and Robbie T (Devon pinned Robbie E, spinebuster)
Ken Anderson defeated RVD and Jeff Hardy to become #1 Contender to the TNA World title (Anderson pinned RVD, Mic Check)
James Storm defeated Crimson (pinfall, Last Call)
Interesting way to bring Storm back. I’d be irked that he’s not coming back to get revenge on Roode, but since the #1 Contender gets his match on Impact this week, I suppose there’s still plenty of time for Storm to earn a shot after that.
Oh, and Sting was the first inductee in the TNA Hall of Fame. I hope you weren’t too surprised.
Miss Tessmacher defeated Gail Kim to win the TNA Knockouts title (pinfall, rollup)
Joseph Parks defeated Bully Ray in an Anything Goes Match (pinfall, Abyss-ference)
And the payback for Flair occurs here, as current WWE Intercontinental Champion Christian appears in-ring to do a “Top Ten TNA Moments” bit. Arguably, since WWE’s going to sign Flair any day now anyway, TNA actually came out ahead on this deal.
Kurt Angle and AJ Styles defeated Christopher Daniels and Kazarian to win the TNA Tag Team titles (Angle submits Kaz, Ankle Lock)
Robert Roode defeated Sting to retain the TNA World title (pinfall, beer bottle to head)
Hey, they didn’t put the title on Sting again. Somebody highlight this day on the calendar.
In preparation for a month from now when Raw will be three hours permanently, tonight’s Raw will be three hours, starting at 8 pm (9 in Canada, for reasons I got into in the podcast if you were listening. And why weren’t you listening?) Because they don’t bother to come up with themes for three hours Raws anymore. Although Vince, the figurehead Chairman of WWE with no power over the day-to-day operation of Raw (hopefully someone else remembers that fact, and hopefully they are involved in writing the show) will be in attendance to give performance reviews for several people, but mostly for Johnny Ace, and hopefully this time Ace might be actually on the way out. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Although, with Ace’s job in jeopardy he might actually pretend to give us what we want to see! That’s why, in the promotion for tonight’s Raw, they’ve essentially guaranteed that…Tensai will be in action! Oh joy!
Meanwhile, this might finally be the week that John Cena and The Big Show are in the same arena at the same time since Show knocked Cena out on the Raw after Over The Limit. Hey, they’ve got three hours to fill, they might as well put them both on TV.
Plus, if we’ve got time, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and third wheel Kane will try and further their feud over the WWE Championship and also Crazy AJ, where there are so very many questions that need answering.
And with only another week until No Way Out, it’s possible that Sheamus could need a new opponent for the PPV, since Alberto Del Rio may have suffered a serious injury over the weekend. This would be a real bad time for WWE to be operating on a fairly thin roster of credible talent, wouldn’t it?
All this and probably a bunch of other stuff, tonight on another three-hour Raw!
Let Me Just Hide This Crowbar First
As if low ratings, fan apathy, poor writing, and a general malaise weren’t enough, it seems like WWE Superstars are catching a serious bout of the injury bug. And no, there’s no truth to the rumour that I’ve been stalking and injuring WWE Superstars just so I’ll have updates for this column. No truth at all.
In any event, let’s break down the list of Superstars who have been sidelined for various reasons in the last week or so:
Randy Orton – This one we know, and it’s not injury-related, but it is fun to see all those indy guys or people who are now only vaguely related to the business going public about how they know people backstage of importance who want Randy Orton fired, including but not limited to Vince, Kevin Dunn, Stephanie, Triple H, and, in a special bit of insanity, John Cena.
Alberto Del Rio – Latest word is that Del Rio suffered a concussion over the last week, possibly at the Smackdown tapings, and may not be cleared in time for the PPV. At a certain point, shouldn’t WWE consider this a sign that Del Rio vs Sheamus is a bad idea? And in fact, there are rumblings that Vince may be down on Del Rio due to his injury history, with comparisons to Ken Anderson starting to rise. And we all know what happened to him: #1 Contender to the TNA World title.
R-Truth – Truth broke his foot during the Spanish tour and will probably be out a while, which means we could see new tag champions as early as tonight. So, either the tag titles themselves are cursed, or Kofi Kingston is trying to kill his partners in hopes that they’ll revive his singles career.
Kelly Kelly – Not really injured, but apparently she’s taking a break and rumour is she may not return, although WWE is looking to lock her up long-term for some reason. Well, two reasons that I can think of. In all seriousness, allegedly they think she’s the most marketable Diva they have, which says way more about WWE’s mindset about women and the sad state of the Divas division than anything else I could come up with. Yeah, because there’s no way they can replace a vapid twenty-something blonde who can barely perform basic maneuvers. Guess they’ll have to fall back on the rest of their women who stick around because they actually want to wrestle. Or they could just give Eve more TV time for some reason.
So the World title match this Sunday and the WWE tag team titles are in disarray, and the rosters are already so thin that CM Punk is wrestling on Smackdown house shows so that they’ll have enough star power to get people to pay to see them. Fears of burnout are running wild, although maybe that wouldn’t be an issue if there weren’t more than five guys they haven’t completely ruined with bad booking and refusing to let anyone go over the established main eventers. But I’m sure I’m just overreacting, right?
Hey, how long until they have to fill an extra hour of live TV every week again?
– Speaking of a thin roster, has anyone else noticed that Smackdown is now a show featuring almost nothing but squash matches plus a main event, like the old days before the Wars? Here’s the matches from last Friday: Del Rio squash (beating Khali means nothing!), Clay squash, Sin Cara squash, Ryback squash, Sandow beats up Kidd in a non-match, Cesaro squash, and two semi-competitive matches involving Christan-Ziggler and Sheamus-Kane. I don’t know how I feel about this. Isn’t this what we wanted?
– Sting did an interview where his response to a question about the live Impact ratings was that they “sucked”. Have they just been hiding any news about the ratings from him for the past ten years or something?
– In case you were interested, Chris Jericho’s suspension is over in 12 days. I just mention it because nobody seems to be keeping track at all. Speaking of which, how many concessions do you think Jericho could get at this point for agreeing to come back at all? I say Fozzy headlines SummerSlam, what do you think?
– Paul Roma was in the news for saying nasty things about Vince, Hulk Hogan, and Brooke Hogan. Mentioning Paul Roma guarantees that this column gets like ten extra Comments.
– The Rock’s ex-wife is being sued for allegedly bilking people out of millions…and millions…of dollars, and yes, I only put this here to make that lame joke. You should know this about me by now.
– WWE has acquired the distribution rights to another film that they neither wrote, directed, produced, nor had any wrestlers star in. It may be their highest-grossing film yet.
Did you read what I wrote up there? WWE is admitting that Punk has “star power” and are having him wrestle extra to boost house show sales! We must have all been super good this year or something. Oddly, however, Daniel Bryan wasn’t even on Smackdown last Friday. |
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Not since the days of Rick Rude and the Monday Night Wars has a man been on live TV with both major promotions inside 24 hours, but assuming they manage to squeeze the IC champion into the three hour Raw, Christian will do just that, and he didn’t even have to quit WWE to do it. These are strange days we live in, people. |
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Returning to end Crimson’s insipid “undefeated” streak gives me hope that the Cowboy’s future will indeed include another TNA World title reign. |
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Hey, Sandow, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but if you really want to cleanse WWE of crap, maybe you actually be showing up on Raw instead. |
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Okay, now it’s getting weird. How come Kane always ends up with the chicks, anyway? Didn’t X-Pac reveal that he’s…you know…ill-equipped? |
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Hey, apparently she’s the most marketable Diva in WWE. Of course, she hasn’t been on TV in a month and absolutely nobody cares. Maybe next year WWE should just bribe Maxim into picking somebody else for their Hot 100. |
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Wins over Samoa Joe used to mean more, but still, good on Aries, who’s made the best of his most recent chance to become a big thing in TNA. How many chances has he had, anyway? Three? |
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I have to admit this tag team has potential, and could be motivational for both men. Assuming they focus on the tag belts, and not whether or not AJ is schtupping Dixie, of course. |
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Oh, Dolph, we want good things to happen to you, and hey, at least you’re on TV, but man, could somebody teach WWE Creative that losing streaks suck for getting anyone over? |
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I flipped a three-sided coin between Cara, Clay, and Ryback over whose squash match would get them on the list. Then I just picked Sin Cara so I wouldn’t have to change the picture from last week. I’m just lazy enough to write for WWE! |
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Inactive List as of 06.04.12
WWE Raw
– Chris Jericho, out 30 days as of May 23rd (Brazilian flag laws)
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th (foot)
– Kharma, out indefinitely as of January 2012 (personal)
– Rey Mysterio, out 60 days as of April 19th (Wellness)
WWE SmackDown
– Mark Henry, out indefinitely as of May 1st (surgery)
– Randy Orton, out 60 days as of May 31st (Wellness)
– Ted DiBiase, out indefinitely as of March 7th (ankle)
– Wade Barrett, out 3-4 months as of Februrary 20th (dislocated elbow)
TNA
– James Storm, out 3-4 weeks as of April 20th (R&R)
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th (spine)
Transactions
– Alberto Del Rio, SD!, day-to-day as of June 8th (possible concussion)
– Brodus Clay, RAW, moved exclusively to Smackdown brand
– James Storm, TNA, returned to action on June 10th Slammiversary PPV
– Kelly Kelly, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 5th (R&R)
– R-Truth, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 10th (broken foot)
WWE
WWE Champion: CM Punk
– 204 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on November 20th (Survivor Series PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Kane and Daniel Bryan, No Way Out PPV
World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus
– 71 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on April 1st (WrestleMania XXVIII)
– Next title defense: vs Alberto Del Rio, No Way Out PPV
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Christian
– 22 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes on May 20th (Over The Limit PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Cody Rhodes, No Way Out PPV
WWE United States Champion: Santino Marella
– 98 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on March 5th (Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth
– 42 day reign, defeated Epico and Primo on April 30th (Raw)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Layla
– 43 day reign, defeated Nikki Bella on April 29th (Extreme Rules PPV)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Roode
– 221 day reign, defeated James Storm on November 3rd (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs Mr Anderson, June 14th Impact
**NEW** TNA Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle and AJ Styles
– 1 day reign, defeated Christopher Daniels and Kazarian on June 10th (Slammiversary PPV)
TNA X-Division Champion: Austin Aries
– 268 day reign, defeated Brian Kendrick on September 11th (No Surrender PPV)
**NEW** TNA Knockouts Champion: Miss Tessmacher
– 1 day reign, defeated Gail Kim on June 10th (Slammiversary PPV)
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 95 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)
TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 85 day reign, defeated Robbie E on March 18th (Victory Road PPV)
De Marco has the Wrestling 5&1.
Hawke has Hidden in Plain Sight.
Rutherford has The Wrestling Sandwich.
And the newest episode of TWNE After Dark is online and I talk about all manner of things, including the potential new WWE Title belt, more stuff about Randy Orton, and whether I think Triple H has buried people!
Plus, TWNE After Dark has a Facebook group, and if we can get 50 people in it, I’ll be running a DVD giveaway contest for all those involved. You don’t even have to listen to be entered! Although, you know, I’d appreciate it. And the winner will be announced on the podcast, so…it’s up to you.
411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 8 pm EDT.
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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Wednesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op, and the TWNE After Dark podcast at 10 pm EDT this Thursday!
Here it is, your Moment of Buddy
Buddy Is Too Damned Hot As Well
Have a good one, and always be a fan.
