Handicapping the News 06.22.12

Welcome one and all to the ever evolving, hopefully improving Handicapping the News. I’m Gavin Napier, and I’ll be your tour guide through this week’s headlines. Thankfully this week was a little more full of legitimate headlines than last week, so there’s actually things to talk about. First, though, there’s business to tend to.

As promised, the Tweet of the Week (graphic forthcoming) has been initiated, and the first winner is Jeyh. Jeyh not only tweeted but followed me and we had a little back and forth about the merits of Randy Orton. See?

For his efforts, Jeyh will receive… I’m not telling you. A direct message has been sent via Twitter with the reward. If you want to know what it is, you’ll have to ask Jeyh…or you know, just get involved and maybe you’ll be the next winner.

There’s also the matter of the reader spotlight, which this week goes to TK.

“2. Vince isn’t worried about Randy Orton going to TNA. Would he be one of their biggest signings to date? Sure he would. However, if Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Hulk Hogan didn’t consistently move the ratings needle for TNA, Randy Orton isn’t going to, either. It’s not like Orton would sign a long term deal, and it’s not like he wouldn’t go back as soon as it was possible.”

People discounted these factors about WCW having higher cash reserves and a light schedule…but the realities of work and family made it damn attractive then, just as it is now.

TK raises some valid points. I think the difference is that 15 years ago, WWE wasn’t on quite as stable footing as they are now. The budget was tighter, and so the opportunity was there for people like Hall and Nash to go look for big money in WCW, especially with Eric Bischoff throwing around Ted Turner’s money. However, if it happened once, it could happen again, no matter how unlikely I find it to be. The possibility does still exist.

TNA’s main selling point to talent is their light schedule. For young talent, it means they’re free to seek out indy bookings on their own to make more money. For established talent, it can be a break from the grind of a 300 day a year WWE schedule. For older talent, it’s an opportunity to extend their career. Could this appeal to Randy Orton? Sure. There are enough guys there that Orton is familiar with – Angle, Hardy, Van Dam, Hogan, Bischoff – that he wouldn’t be a fish out of water. There would be an opportunity for Orton to work with new faces and not be stuck in the same routine with the same character.

Is he worth the risk in terms of attitude? I can’t make an unbiased judgment there. I don’t like the guy and I’m not entertained by him. That’s a decision that can only be made by people that write the checks for TNA. As TK pointed out, the Carter family can certainly outspend Vince if they take a notion. I just don’t feel like they’ll take a notion to do so any time soon. Why?

Wrestling is a side project for Panda Energy. Wrestling is everything to Vince McMahon. They can’t and won’t match his passion for the business. That said, I’m willing to admit that I may have underestimated the likelihood of a jump to TNA should Orton be released from WWE.

Now for our regularly scheduled headlines.

In fairness, Evan Bourne hasn’t been announced as an in ring competitor for an FCW show, but rather for a meet and greet and autograph signing down in Florida for July 25th. Regardless of the lack of wrestling that he’ll be doing, it’s encouraging to see WWE bringing Evan Bourne back around for things like this that will keep his name and face fresh with fans. It offers a little bit of hope that they’re not going to simply write him off after two wellness violations and a serious injury. Bourne still has plenty to offer the WWE as a midcarder and merch mover with the kids. He’s well into recovery from his Lisfranc fracture, and still has a ways to go. As the calendar keeps turning over, what can we expect from Bourne’s comeback?

A return to Raw or Smackdown before the end of 2012: 20 to 1

Bourne could conceivably be back in the ring on one of the two main shows by the end of the year. With the roster as thin as it is at the moment, there’s going to be some shuffling going on with guys stepping up and others being left behind. The thing working against him, though, will be addressed in the next statement.

A return at Royal Rumble 2013: 10 to 1

I can envision a Kharma-like appearance for Bourne, where he comes out to a nice little pop, has a nice spot or two, then is tossed and isn’t seen again for a while.

X Division Champion within 18 months: 100 to 1

Any hope of seeing Matt Sydal taking on Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, or whoever else the X Division imports went down the drain with this announcement. If WWE were going to cut him loose, they wouldn’t be milking him for fan appearances like this.

Ignoring the success of guys like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho, Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, Santino, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, Christian, Edge, Shawn Michaels, The Miz, and others, Vince McMahon has decided that he wants all future superstars to be at least 6’2″ and 240 lbs. The initial reaction to this from the IWC was that Vince was reverting to tendencies to push the Ultimate Warrior and Sid and Diesel (more on him later). As usual, it’s an overreaction. Consider that throughout the 1980’s, Ric Flair was generally billed as 6’2″ and 242 lbs. Sting? 6’5″, 260 lbs. Triple H, Randy Orton, John Cena, and Steve Austin all would have met the new standards. Being over 6’2″ and 240 lbs. doesn’t mean it’s going to be a string of Snitsky and Heidenreich clones. What does it mean?

We get a few Snitsky and Heidenreich clones: 5 to 1

I can almost guarantee that there’s going to be one or two typical WWE big guys introduced. Why? Because Undertaker, Kane, and Big Show are winding down. Ezekiel Jackson isn’t getting over as a monster. Having a massive guy on the roster is good for any promotion. Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, Vader, The Giant/The Big Show, Undertaker – all excellent examples of big men who were inherently useful. The old guard of big guys is on the way out and there are plenty of smaller stars at hand.

A handful of “legitimate” athletes arrive: 10 to 1

Another part of Vince’s edict was that he wanted more athletes to be recruited. Frank Mir has expressed interest in trying his hand at professional wrestling. I’m sure there are some NFL players that didn’t quite achieve the financial security they thought they would that would be willing to give wrestling a chance. Will we see many? No. Will most of them stink? Yes. But they’ll show up.

Cena is returning to the title picture sooner than later: 7 to 1

Cena has done well in facing men smaller than him. His matches with CM Punk, Shawn Michaels, and Edge were all excellent. He’s also done well when he’s the smaller man, having good or better matches with Brock Lesnar, Umaga, and Big Show. If they’re going to move him back into the title picture, look for them to continue to make him look vulnerable. The easiest way to do that is to put him at a perceived physical disadvantage.

I’ll be honest, after reading the headline on 411, I had to do some research to find out who Lauren Mayhew was. If you’re as clueless as I was, then allow me to help. The young lady pictured above was a ring announcer for the ECW brand for about two months in late 2009. Since departing WWE, Ms. Mayhew has gone on to do…well, not much of anything. A quick check of IMDB shows a few projects this year, but there’s been a significant gap since failing to come to terms on a long term deal with WWE. How can Ms. Mayhew find her way back into the WWE spotlight?

NXT/FCW/Superstars ring announcer: 25 to 1

Honestly, doing some mic work for one of the lower tier shows may not just be her best bet, it may be her only bet. At least she can say she has experience here.

As a valet: 50 to 1

She does have some acting experience, but there’s not exactly a rush to send women out to the ring with the workers these days. Besides, at this point, she’d just be way overshadowed by what AJ and Vickie Guerrero are doing. It would be an exercise in futility.

As the next WWE Diva to appear in Playboy: 150 to 1

The PG era has ensured that this isn’t going to happen again. At least not until Linda McMahon is done with political aspirations.

That video has nothing to with the headline, I just wanted to share the glory of Scott Steiner’s ability when holding a microphone. As most of you that visit this website and check the wrestling headlines are aware, Scott Steiner has been quite verbal in his criticisms of TNA as of late. Situations like this put me in a difficult position. I’m a Steiner fan, and it’s been hard to argue a lot of what he’s said in his numerous rants. On the other hand, I think TNA has made significant progress over the last few weeks from a booking and storytelling standpoint, the AJ/Dixie Carter drug counseling segment notwithstanding.

The situation elevated this week, as TNA filed charges against Steiner, saying that he has breached a contract that basically said he would never say anything bad about the company ever again. This is just another part of a quite litigious month for TNA, as the company saw progress in their suit against WWE regarding “insider” information being shared and used as well as Daffney’s lawsuit against TNA regarding delayed payment of medical bills due to injuries she incurred in 2009.

The suit with Steiner stems from what has become several personal attacks against Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan as well as disparaging remarks about TNA in general. Scott has never been known as a guy to censor himself, and some of the Twitter rants have been pretty graphic in nature. Scott possibly alluded to the charges a couple of weeks ago in a radio interview where he said that Hogan had sent lawyers to make sure he didn’t say anything else bad about him.

If the contract with Steiner does indeed say that he’s not permitted to make any statements that disparage or demean TNA as a business, then I’m not sure how enforceable such a clause would be once Steiner ceased to be an employee. Upon termination of the contract, one would think that Steiner would be free to do and say as he pleases. It was reported that Steiner had been released from TNA in March of this year, so unless that was a false report, he should be out from under the terms of the contract. If Scott Steiner is still under contract, it’s mind boggling as to why TNA would continue to keep him on the roster

I once thought this was part of an angle that TNA was building to that would involve a glorious on screen return for Big Poppa Pump. I don’t mind admitting when I’m wrong, and I certainly seem to have been in this situation. Now that lawyers are involved, what happens next?

Steiner goes quiet and things blow over: 15 to 1

Steiner has a reputation as a loose cannon, but he’s not an idiot. If the lawsuit has teeth, then he’ll likely dial back the comments. If Steiner’s own legal counsel seems to think that this won’t go anywhere, expect the rants to not only continue but intensify.

A return to WWE: 30 to 1

WWE.com added Steiner to their alumni page, but I wouldn’t read much into that. Given the current nature of WWE programming, finding a place for Steiner would be almost impossible. He’s quite possibly the least PG wrestler of all time…except maybe New Jack. Maybe. Would I enjoy seeing Steiner return? Absolutely. Is he past his prime? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not. Steiner on the microphone and crushing lower card talent like Heath Slater on a regular basis before helping to either get Ryback more over or destroying CM Punk for the WWE title would be just fine with me. And no, I’m not kidding. I’d be elated with Steiner defeating Punk for the WWE title, even if I know it’s an unrealistic pipe dream.

It’s still an angle and both sides are playing it to the bone: 100 to 1

I’ve learned that damn near anything is possible in the world of professional wrestling, including drawn out situations outside the ring and seemingly outside the business being used as fodder for creative teams. I’m as convinced that this is a legitimate situation as I am that the Montreal Screwjob was an angle; which is to say that I’m completely convinced. I would hope that this can be settled amicably for all involved, because a prolonged court battle won’t do anyone any good over something like this. There’s nothing to be gained, so hopefully it ends quickly.

For the last week or so, Ken Doane aka Kenny Dykstra aka Kenny from the Spirit Squad, has made it a point to drag John Cena’s name through the mud, with Mickie James sort of attached for good measure. Despite the fact that a big part of Doane’s story involves Mickie James allegedly cheating on him with John Cena and his subsequent removal from the promotion, he continues to assure us that this has nothing to do with being bitter.

Doane feels like his reputation has been tarnished, that he’s been unfairly excluded from the world of WWE, and that his potential to continue to make a living within the wrestling industry is all a result of John Cena. He’s not bitter, though. Just ask him.

See, there’s three sides to John Cena. There’s John Cena the wrestler, who is one of the more polarizing figures in recent history. Women and children tend to love the guy, because he’s a larger than life character that wears the white hat and always beats the bad guy. He’s cut out of the Hulk Hogan 1987 mold, even if he doesn’t live up to that lofty standard. It’s okay, because nobody else does, either. “S”marks and grown men generally despise the guy, citing his lack of innovation, his loss of an edge to his promos, and other such nonsense. For what it’s worth, I think he does an excellent job as the face of the promotion and consistently has solid, good, and great matches with a variety of opponents. I appreciate his role in the company and how he handles it.

There’s also John Cena the celebrity. This part of Cena is related to, but not quite the same as John Cena the wrestler. John Cena the celebrity feeds off of the wrestler’s popularity to appear on television shows and do interviews and make appearances on Nickelodeon. He also tirelessly volunteers with the Make A Wish Foundation, to the tune of 300 wishes granted now, more than anyone else in the program’s history. Regardless of how you feel about the other two parts of John Cena, there’s nothing not to like about a guy that does that. Even if he’s just doing it to get good publicity (which I don’t believe he is), he’s still doing something that makes a lot of children and their families very happy in a very hard time. Motive on his part is practically irrelevant because of the result.

Finally, there’s John Cena the man. This is the part that Ken Doane has made it a point to belabor in interviews and on the internet. Why? He suddenly feels burdened to tell the truth about John Cena. He feels a need, as Cena is going through a divorce that’s probably going to get very messy, to talk about Cena’s habits in regards to female co workers, “ring rats”, and women in general. After going into detail about Cena’s extramarital affairs in one interview, Doane was quick to point out that he hoped Cena’s divorce was as quick and painless as possible. That’s the equivalent to telling someone that you’re happy they could afford a new car while you take a crowbar to their windshield and set the tires on fire. But Doane isn’t bitter.

Through all of this, I keep thinking of Tiger Woods. John Cena is the Tiger Woods of WWE. He generates more interest in the product than anyone else on the roster. He’s more likely to bring in casual fans and create new fans than anyone else they have. CM Punk is Phil Mickelson – a vastly talented athlete that true aficionados of the sport appreciate and support – but Cena and Tiger are the straws that stir their respective drinks. Cena is also as much of a celebrity outside of his sport as he is inside of it. Not quite to the extent that Tiger Woods was, but more so than anyone else in the business today. Also, if what Ken Doane said is true, John Cena likes to have sex with women. Heaven forbid.

My point to this rambling rant is this – I don’t care what Cena did with his personal life. It doesn’t change the fact that he donates a huge portion of his time to bring a few moments of happiness to kids. Again, motive there is irrelevant to me. He’s also the driving force in the sports entertainment industry today, whether you like it or not. If – and I mean IF – Doane’s accusations and accounts are accurate, and John Cena is terrible at relationships? Well, as Meatloaf once said, two outta three ain’t bad.

That’s it for me. I’ll try to do better next time. You can message me on Twitter @GavinNapier411 if you want to tell me how much you love me or hate me, or just say hi. Odds are I’ll be back next week.