Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 06.28.12

Not that I care about Eve, but her name was put last because the names were in alphabetical order by last name, not because she was the lowest person on that list. Just saying 😉

WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

Get your “Winning!” and Wellness Violation jokes ready. WWE announced that Charlie Sheen will be the “Celebrity Social Media Ambassador” for the 1,000th episode of Raw on July 23. Sheen’s new F/X show Anger Management premieres on June 28th.

WWE.com has a statement that reads, “During the three-hour milestone event… the “winning” actor will entertain his 7.5 million Twitter followers and the WWE Universe all night long with his unique 140-character analysis of the action.”

Provided that they’re not over-paying Mr. Sheen, I think this is a spectacular idea. Sheen and Twitter go hand-in-hand after he successfully exploited it during his very public meltdown last year. With WWE looking to expand their Social Media footprint, having a man with 7.5 Million followers tweeting about your product is a good thing. How many of those twitter followers do you think watch WWE? It can’t be more than 5-10%, which means that a maximum of 750K of Charlie Sheen’s followers watch RAW. That leaves 6.75 Million that could potentially check out what he has to say and decide to tune in. And with WWE pushing to make the 1000th RAW the biggest in years, it’s the perfect time to hook fans both old and new.

WWE has apparently changed the name of the Money in the Bank matches. WWE.com is listing Big Show as being the first participant in the “WWE Championship Money in the Bank Ladder Match.”

The name seems to indicate that instead of the matches being brand-specific, they are going to be title-specific, with the winner of each match having a shot at the designated title.

Yet another nail in the coffin of the brand extension. I realize that the extension is essentially over, but I guess there’s this optimistic part of me that still clings to the hope of the original vision of having two separate brands. Here’s why I think ending the brand extension is a bad idea – and I’ll demonstrate with a high-level history of the rationale behind the Raw/SmackDown separation:

1) Split the brands to build up new stars. Keep them separate so that any inter-brand activity feels special. Drafts will mix up the roster, creating fresh, new feuds as needed.

2) Stars are not being built quickly enough. Blur the lines between brands so that talent can hop back and forth. Maintain the illusion of a brand extension.

3) Ratings aren’t climbing like we hoped. The solution is to take the top guys on both brands and have them work “Super shows.” Having main event level talent on both shows is sure to attract the eyeballs we want.

4) Veterans are either retiring or working very limited schedules. The top guys are few, over-exposed and have been feuding with each other for years. No new stars are being built because we’re using the same top guys on all our shows.

At some point, something has to give. You can’t make all this new content with the same guys feel fresh and exciting indefinitely. And now they’ve gone and pissed away the ONLY thing that’s worked for them for the past 6 years – the Money in the Bank match.

This past RAW, Vickie Guerrero announced that only former champions would be eligible to compete in the WWE Championship MitB match. What was traditionally a vehicle to get young talent over has been eliminated, leaving the status quo in place. Guys like Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Edge, & (briefly) RVD became main event players largely due to the fact that they won Money in the Bank. Imagine what a MitB win would do for someone like Kofi Kingston, who has all the tools to be a main event contender? Now, Kofi’s hopes are shot because he’s ineligible because he ‘s not a former champion.

WWE.com has an article up on Justin Roberts celebrating his 10th year with WWE. You can read the article here. In the article, he shared some advice that Stephanie McMahon gave to him early on….

One day, Stephanie McMahon came up to me and said not to go out there and be Howard, but to be me. I didn’t understand it at first, and then it hit me. I went back, watched some of my work, and thought, ‘That that isn’t my voice, that’s not how I sound.’ Once she said that to me, the light went on and I just became me. So every introduction that I do has its own flavor. I don’t go out and give the same introduction to everybody.”

That’s some good advice from Stephanie. Fink is the man – he was the wrestling announcing voice of my childhood – but imitating someone else is a big mistake. For Roberts to be successful, he’ll have to make his own mark in the announcing world. Otherwise, he’d just be a target for folks who think “Roberts is just a wannabe Howard Finkel.”

While most of the people reading this will think that Howard Finkel is the best announcer in the industry, I’m certain that 20 years from now, all those little boys & girls that currently wear John Cena gear will look back fondly at Justin Roberts as the best announcer, even affectionately remembering the way he says “Jeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhnnn Ceeeeeennnnaaaaa!”

Hulk Hogan wrote the following update on his Twitter account: “Very grateful to everyone for staying strong, working together, staying positive, the ratings are a mirror reflection of your hard work thanks HH”.

After he wrote that, the ratings for the June 21 episode of Impact Wrestling were released, revealing that the show did the lowest viewership number since they moved to live at 8pm.

I’m a little torn on this one. For starters, Hulk Hogan went on the record saying that taking Impact live would solve 75% of TNA’s problems. Since Impact went live, ratings have actually gone down a bit. Instead of solving the problems, at first glance, they seem to have gotten worse.

However, Impact also had a time slot change, which isn’t easy to overcome. Viewers will need to adjust to the new time. Also, with the longer days and warmer weather, people are less likely to be at home watching TV at 8:00PM on a Thursday night. Finally, from what I understand, TNA’s booking has been less on the fly, and they are making some positive changes. Such changes take time to reflect in the ratings. I think it would be premature to call live Impact a failure until they’ve had a few months under their belts.

WWE’s Senior Director of Talent Development Canyon Ceman, who was hired by Triple H, has been advised by several veterans in the industry to learn from their experiences. Ceman was hired in march and has a background in volleyball as a player and executive. Top-tier organization officials are said to be very high on him due to his sports management knowledge

Anyone else notice that John Laurinaitis’ days seem to be numbered? Think about it. There’s reports that HHH is now the Executive VP of talent relations. This guy Ceman and another guy both report to HHH handling talent. Now, we hear that Michael Hayes is replacing Big Johnny as the matchmaker at house shows. Throw in the fact that Big Johnny’s days as an on-air talent are (seemingly) numbered, then what’s left for John Laurinaitis to do? I’m talking non-kayfabe, here. It almost seems like WWE is slowly phasing him out, but what do I know?

Here are the latest details on the new WWE Main Event show, which debuts on October 3rd on the ION channel. The show will feature the WWE superstars and divas, and will occasionally have top stars in matches. The show will also address the top angles in the company. At this time, the plan is to film the show prior to Smackdown on Tuesdays.

I’m all for the new show if it helps the company earn more money and gives unused midcarders something to do. WWE has a history of airing syndicated shows such as Jakked, Metal, Heat, etc. What they are basically doing is renaming Superstars, getting paid for it, and airing it on Ion. Not a bad deal, if you ask me. The arena is already full, the talent is there, and you’re going to be wrestling before the show anyway, why not make some money off of it?

It also benefits Ion. Currently, Ion airs repeats of shows like Monk, Psych, Criminal Minds, Cold Case, etc. This would be an early venture into original programming, and entire networks have been built around wrestling before (hello, TBS). It’s win/win, so good luck WWE Main Event!

While he does have two Wellness Policy strikes against him, word is that Randy Orton will be pushed back into a main event spot when he returns from his current suspension.

Orton has also been vocal about the company banning the punt kick. The kick was banned to help prevent concussions.

Orton needs to be a heel. Face Orton has been directionless, and his whole persona tends toward the heel side. His “intermittent explosive disorder,” and “voices in my head” song all reflect a psychotic, unpredictable heel persona.

Not only that, there extremely few true, Main Event level heels in WWE anymore. You have Chris Jericho, and the part-timer Brock Lesnar. That’s it. The rest are either working hard to become main event heels (Bryan, Ziggler, Rhodes, Del Rio) or are well-established but lack that special “it” factor to be considered upper echelon (Big Show, Mark Henry, Miz). No, the WWE needs a Superstar level heel and Orton would be perfect. What say you, readers? Is Orton better off as a babyface or a heel?

Shawn Michaels did a Q&A session on Twitter last night, here‘s a highlight…

On Who Could Be a Big Superstar: “I watch little but I’ve always liked Ziggler.”

It’s encouraging to see Ziggler get a well-deserved thumbs up from many respected veterans. JR, Mick Foley and now HBK have all given Dolph their seal of approval. With that kind of support behind him, it won’t be long until Dolph goes on to do great things in WWE. Also, having the future owner’s best friend in his corner sure can’t hurt the Showoff’s prospects. If Dolph can stay out of trouble, do what he’s told and keep on “stealing the show,” then he has a bright career ahead of him.

WWE: THE MOVIE!

I recently downloaded a free app for my iPhone called Alike. What Alike does is take your picture, analyze your face using facial recognition software, compare that face to a database of celebrities, and then tell you which celebrity you look like. Hence, you and the celebrity look “Alike.” While the app is by no means perfect, it does occasionally spit out some accurate results. It also gives results that are downright bewildering.

I thought I’d use Alike on the faces of some of our favorite WWE SuperStars to see which actors would play them if Hollywood ever makes a WWE movie. We’ll test out the App on these Sports Entertainers to see how well it works. Ready?

The Rock

The celebrity that the Rock most looks like is…The Rock! It figures that Dwayne Johnson would be in the celebrity database, and the fact that the app was able to recognize the Rock as himself gives us a promising start.

John Cena

John Cena, the WWE’s golden boy, would be played by fellow New Englander Matt Damon. I can certainly see the resemblance. How do ya like dem apples? So far so good, the app seems to know what it’s doing.

CM Punk

WWE Champion CM Punk would be played by…Jason Statham?? Okay…I don’t see the resemblance but we’ll go with it. So far, 2 for 3

Randy Orton

WWE’s next top babyface, Randy Orton, would be played by Heath Ledger. Again, to say they have similar faces is a bit of a stretch, but if Randy keeps on failing his wellness tests, they just might end up having similar fates. Still, I guess there’s a similarity if you squint, so we’ll call this one a wash.

Zack Ryder

The Long Island Iced Z would be played by Hugh Laurie, the same man who played Dr. Gregory House. While Laurie is nearly twice Ryder’s age, they could almost pass for father and son. Perhaps it’s the angular facial features, but at any rate, the software seems to be getting back on track.

Sheamus

The World Heavyweight Champion can moonlight as a UFO chaser with his strong resemblance to David Duchovny. If you look past the gingerness and facial hair, you can actually see how much they look like each other. While Duchovny wouldn’t have been on my list for Sheamus lookalikes, I have to admit that the app is right on this one.

Kelly Kelly

On the Diva’s side, we have Kelly Kelly paired up with Tara Reid. Well, at any rate, the talent level is a good match. And they both have that “generic blonde with soulless eyes” look going, so the App gets a thumbs up on this one.

Vince McMahon

The Chairman would be played by Lance Henrickson, best known for Aliens, Terminator & Pumpkinhead. I can see how Lance can remind one of Vince McMahon, so thumbs up for Alike on this match.

Now, before I give you the last and most awesome match, I have to emphasize that I did NOT alter the results in any way. You may be inclined to think that, as the match is so bizarre that the only reasonable explanation would be that it’s just a joke on my part. Rest assured, it is not.

Thus far, the Alike app has done a halfway decent job in matching sports entertainer faces with Hollywood faces…but this next one just defies explanation. After seeing this, you’ll never look at this Superstar the same way again. I know I won’t. So, without further ado, let’s take a look at the following match:

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The Big Show

The world’s largest athlete, the monster, the 440lb giant most resembles…Angelina Jolie??? Maybe you can make sense of this, but I surely can’t. But the Big Show can take solace in the fact that he looks like one of the most beautiful women in the world!

I’ll celebrate this momentous revelation the only way I know how — by parodying the Big Show’s entrance theme!

The Ballad of the Big Show (aka Angelina Showlie)

(Sung to the tune of the Big Show’s Entrance Music)

Weeelllllll – Well it’s The Big Show

Yes it’s the chick from Salt tonight.. dawg – (ohhh)
Yeah, the mom of Shiloh
Come on – She starred in Taking Lives.. y’all – (ohhh)
Well you’ve seen her in Changeling
Brad Pitt is her beau
Maleficent‘s comin’
And I promise you’ll know
The Big Show

Atta boy, Show! Just flutter those big, teddy bear eyes and Brad Pitt will be all yours! Hubba Hubba!

Not a bad app. It’s good for a laugh. You get wildly different results depending on which picture you use. For example, I got Denzel Washington as my celebrity lookalike, and I’m not even black. Still, give the app a shot and let me know who your celebrity lookalike is!

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET

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SIGNING OFF

Thanks for making Thursdays Sports Entertainment your go-to destination for Thursday Wrestling News. You’ll see me again next week provided Big Show doesn’t read this column. If he does, my chances of survival are slim, as he’ll probably wind up eating me. So please, DO NOT send this link to the Big Show.

But if Show truly wants to take his Jolie-ness to the next level, he’ll have to stick to a strict diet of baby food and kelp. So maybe I’ve got that going for me.

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.