wrestling / Columns

The 8-Ball 07.26.12: Top 8 Sidekicks

July 26, 2012 | Posted by Ryan Byers

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the 8-Ball. I am your party host, Ryan Byers, and we are back for another eight-entry list from the world of professional wrestling.

This is typically where I engage in some inane banter necessitated by the fact I am required to have several lines of text prior to my banner, otherwise we run into formatting issues due to the positioning of the top-of-the-column ad. No, seriously, that’s why this extraneous blurb is always here. This week, though, I can’t think of anything particularly creative to fill the space, so I’m just giving on an explanation of why the space has to be filled that absolutely nobody reading this could possibly care about. Possibly.

And now that I’ve taken up the required number of lines, let’s move on to the part of the column that you all actually clicked through to read.

Top 8 Pro Wrestling Sidekicks

There are a lot of parallels to be drawn between professional wrestling and super hero comic books. Both feature larger-than-life stars in ridiculous, skin-tight costumes; both seemingly refuse to have a woman involved unless she’s a size zero; and both have storylines that are sometimes of questionable continuity. However, there’s one place where comics and wrestling differ. In the funny pages, virtually every hero who reaches a certain level has a sidekick, a subordinate character of lesser powers who provides comic relief and/or the occasional convenient plot device.

Wrestling, though, has a decided lack of sidekicks. Yes, there are managers and valets, but, particularly with managers, I have a hard time according them full “sidekick” status, because they are usually portrayed as being the folks who guide wrestlers’ careers . . . so they’re not a subordinate as a classic sidekick is. If anything, they’re usually portrayed as having more control over the wrestler’s career than the wrestler himself.

Thus, when a “true” sidekick shows up in pro wrestling, it’s something unique, something memorable. This week, we’re taking a look at the eight most memorable sidekicks in the history of the sport.

8. Ralphus

Fifteen years ago, a young Chris Jericho decided that he could get himself some attention by entering into a one-sided feud with Bill Goldberg . . . and I don’t mean one-sided in terms of Goldberg constantly beating him. I mean one-sided in terms of Jericho acting like there was a feud while Goldberg completely ignored him. As part of this act, everybody’s favorite Winnipegger started to mock various parts of Goldberg’s gimmick, including his slow, dramatic entrance flanked by security guards. Where do you go when you decide you need faux security guards at the last minute? You go to WCW’s legit ring truck drivers, and that’s where Jericho found the man who would be known as Ralphus. Originally intended as a one-off gag, Ralphus actually proved to have an unusual charisma and connected with fans, becoming Jericho’s regular second banana for quite some time. In fact, Ralphus was so popular that WCW decided to keep him around as a character even after Y2J bolted to the WWF, pairing him up with “Screamin'” Norman Smiley. The best part about Ralphus, though, is he actually started think of himself as a star and get a bit of an ego to hilarious results, as detailed in Jericho’s original autobiography.

7. Shannon Moore

Shannon Moore is an interesting entry on the list because he’s one of the few folks here who has been both a second banana on screen and, to a lesser extent, in the real world. Though he originally broke into the national wrestling scene as a member of Three Count in WCW, Shannon would become much more well known as a pal of the Hardy Boys once his contract was picked up by the WWF in 2001. Moore was the third wheel in a variety of internet television series and other exploits that Matt and Jeff put on to entertain their fans in between WWE runs. (You know, the ones that included the really sad, uncomfortable video during which Matt took a gun to a cardboard cut-out of Lita.) His internet exploits with the Hardys are not the main reason that Moore makes this list, though. The main reason that Shannon makes this list is for his EXCELLENT on-camera portrayal of Matt Hardy Version 1’s toady during which young Matthew portrayed himself as the “Sensei of Mattitude.” Moore was an absolutely hilarious disciple/flunky, giving us many humorous skits and saving Hardy’s behind in battles royale. Moore was such a good sidekick that he was eventually awarded with his own sidekick, as Crash Holly decided he would follow Shannon Moore, who was following Mattitude. Moore was the M.F.’er – for “Mattitude Follower” – while Crash – you guessed it – was dubbed a “Moore-On.”

6. D-Lo Brown

D-Lo was a guy who the WWF tried to break out as a singles star in various points, but, for some reason, he always settled back down into a role where he was the backup to another personality. In fact, he got his first big break in a “sidekick” position, as he was brought into Smokey Mountain Wrestling by Jim Cornette to serve as the third man in the Gangstas team that had been established by New Jack and Mustafa Saed. D-Lo did not make the jump to ECW with Jack and Mustafa, though, instead opting to become a background member of the Nation of Domination in the WWF. Eventually, due to injuries within the stable, D-Lo got an opportunity to set foot into the ring, whereas previously he had been a nameless and faceless goon. Brown remained the junior member of the Nation until the stable unfurled in the late 1990’s, after which he floundered around in a variety of different singles roles. It wasn’t long before he went back to a subordinate position, first being repackaged as a “pimp in training” as a second to former Nation partner the Godfather. From there, D-Lo, alongside fellow directionless midcarder Chaz “Headbanger Mosh” Warrington formed the team of Lo-Down, who transformed themselves into ostensibly Muslim followers of the forgettable Tiger Al Singh. After his release from the E, D-Lo’s career continued in Japan, but people yell at me for talking about that sort of thing.

5. Cuije

Speaking of getting yelled at . . .

In the late 1990s, a character named Alebrije debuted in Mexico’s AAA promotion, with a look inspired by dragon-like creatures that appear in folk art south of the border. Alebrije was quite a sight on his own given his colorful, full-body suit, but he was not alone. He was accompanied to the ring for all of his matches by Cuije, a very small man (even by mini wrestler standards) in a similar costume. However, Alebrije and Cuije were quite a bit different than your normal wrestler and mini pair. Typically, a luchador interacting with the miniature version of himself is the exception and not the norm, with the minis largely staying in their own division. However, in this case, Cuije was always present with Alebrije. Even more entertaining than that is the fact that Alebrije was already an experienced wrestler under different gimmicks before they made their debut, so he knew every veteran trick in the book for incorporating his partner into his matches, leading to some very unique interference spots. (Think Finlay and Hornswoggle without Hornswoggle later going on to become one of the most obnoxious characters in history.) In 2011, the duo jumped from their original home in AAA to CMLL and have had to adopt new names for legal reasons, specifically Kraneo and Mije. However, regardless of their names, they continue to bring the goods in the ring.

4. Stevie Richards & The Blue Meanie

Over the years, the man they call Raven has had a variety of different miscreants following him around in his Nests, Flocks, Gatherings, and Serotonins. In fact, even in his major independent appearances these days, it seems like he’s always got one or two directionless goofballs hanging around him as a new variation of the old stable. There are a lot of guys from Raven’s groups over the years that I thought about including in this list. I was an embarrassingly large fan of Lodi from the WCW Flock back in the day, and who didn’t love Chastity? At the end of the day, though, I had to go with the originals . . . “Dancin'” Stevie Richards and the Blue Meanie. Stevie and the Meanie had interesting personas. They could be doing goofy comedy one minute and act as Raven’s hired goons in a serious angle the next, and, unlike in many scenarios in which wrestlers flip back and forth between comedic and serious, it actually managed to work. The dynamic worked so well that Richards followed Raven when he jumped ship to WCW, though contractual disputes resulted in Stevie being nothing more than a footnote to the Raven character’s first run in the big leagues. In addition to their work with the Nest, these two also get bonus points for their runs as sidekicks in the WWF. Meanie had what I considered a criminally underrated run as a flunky for Goldust in which he believed Goldie was his mother, while many fans fondly remember Stevie acting as a henchman for Victoria of all people.

3. Sean Waltman

Waltman was always considered the “little buddy” of the behind the scenes Clique that he formed with Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Triple H in the WWF in the 1990s. That backstage role translated into an on-camera role, with Sean Waltman, in his various gimmicks, often acting as a sidekick for a larger or more established wrestler. This began almost as soon as he made his WWF debut, as the 1-2-3 Kid was made into the protégé of Razor Ramon after a brief feud with Razor. Eventually, he became a cog in the wheel of Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Corporation before moving on to WCW, where he, as Syxx, he was the annoying little gnat that buzzed around the ring during matches of the Outsiders and other members of the New World Order. Waltman made an infamous jump back to the WWF after his brief WCW run, being renamed X-Pac and put into the position of backup singles wrestler to HHH in D-Generation X. In fact, Waltman was so strongly identified as a second banana that there was actually a whole angle built around him finally trying to become the “leader” of a group as he formed the infamous X-Factor stable. That didn’t take, and it appears that, no matter what, Sean Waltman is going to remain in the history books as wrestling’s “little buddy.”

2. Brutus Beefcake

Long before Matt and Jeff Hardy had Shannon Moore, Hulk Hogan had Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake serving in pretty much the exact same capacity. In fact, the Hogan/Beefcake relationship goes back to before the man actually known as E. Harrison Leslie became Brutus. The two met in the late 1970s in Florida and quickly became compatriots on the wrestling scene and kayfabe brothers, with Beefcake being “Dizzy Boulder” to Hogan’s “Terry Boulder.” Since that time, Beefcake essentially followed Hogan to every promotion that he was part of, beginning with the AWA, moving along to the WWF (where he was first given the Brutus Beefcake moniker), jumping to WCW, and even participating in lesser-remembered projects like Thunder in Paradise and Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Interestingly enough, despite Beefcake’s longstanding relationship with Hogan behind the scenes, there was actually a long period of time during which the two were not associated with one another on camera. When both men showed up in the WWF in the early 1980s, they were on opposite sides of the heel/face divide and did not team up until 1993, when the Barber returned to the ring after his infamous parasailing accident. From there, they were together again on-camera in WCW, until Brutus stabbed Hogan in the back and became “The Butcher,” allowing the two to main event perhaps the worst Starrcade of all time against each other. Beefcake would be repackaged as Dungeon of Doom member Zodiac to continue his animosity with Hogan, though, eventually, he was revealed as Hulk’s “spy” in the DOD, though how they patched their relationship up after the Butcher incident was never revealed. Brutus, known for a period of time as Bootyman, continued to work with Hogan into the nWo era, when he became the Disciple. Eventually that partnership was dissolved due to the interference of the Ultimate Warrior, and we would not see the two together again until Hogan Knows Best.

1. Wrestling Superstar Virgil

If there is one man known to wrestling fans as a sidekick, it has to be Mike Jones, a.k.a. Virgil, the manservant of the “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase. Though Jones wrestled on regional circuits as a single, he did not gain national prominence until he signed with the World Wrestling Federation and was repackaged as Virgil, with the name reportedly being a dig at then-Jim Crocket Promotions booker Dusty Rhodes. Virgil’s WWF career was almost totally linked to the Million Dollar Man, as he was at first his hired goon, then his rival, and finally “that guy who hasn’t done anything relevant since he feuded with the Million Dollar Man.” Along with most of the WWF roster of the late 1980s, Virgil jumped ship to WCW in the mid-1990s, where he was again a sidekick. This time, he ran interference for the New World Order, and he was given the name “Vincent” in retaliation for the prior “Virgil” dig. Vincent was one of the final members of the black-and-white nWo when its numbers and stars dwindled, and he floundered for a bit after the group finally dissolved. Fortunately for him, there were other stables that needed a flunkie, and the former Virgil found himself as a henchman of Vince Russo’s “Powers That Be” under the name “Shane” (yet another jab at a rival promotion) and as the fifth man in the West Texas Rednecks under the moniker of “Curly Bill.” In the dying days of WCW, the promotion actually did repackage him one more time and try to give him a push as a singles wrestler under his birth name, but it didn’t take, leaving him to be known as the perpetual second fiddle . . . though one who managed to endear himself to fans nonetheless.

That’s it for this week’s 8-Ball. If you can’t get enough of Ryan, follow him on Twitter here.

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