Handicapping the News 07.27.12

I always feel like the intro paragraphs are awkward. That probably means that my writing abilities need work, but I’m never sure what to say here. I’m painfully aware that you don’t come here to hear me be witty or get fashion advice from a guy that’s currently wearing a TNA “I heart tag teaming” shirt. Now, if I’m wrong about that, feel free to inform me otherwise in the comments section, but I somehow doubt that I will. I’m still efforting a replacement prize for the Tweet of the Week (graphic forthcoming), so until I can reinstate that, we can move right along to the Reader Spotlight. This week, it goes to i8mypants.

i8mypants says: “If creative are the guys not doing their job, why aren’t they getting fired?”
that was probably the smartest thing Billy Bitchcakes has ever said.
Kharma was over (much to the IWC’s chagrin) and Extreme Rules was the perfect opportunity to re-debut. but the not-so-Creative strikes again.

Kharma was probably the easiest diva ever to get over (except maybe The Kat, for obvious reasons). Why? Because she brought the one thing to the table that the women’s division is usually lacking – a true monster. For as long as professional wrestling endures, there will be a place for monsters. Guys like The Big Show, Kane, Abyss, and other oversized human beings that can toss other human beings around like children will have a unique ability to draw people in that normal sized humans don’t have. The closest that WWE has come to that in the last 15 years or so has been Chyna and Beth Phoenix until Kharma showed up. While Chyna and Beth are both physically intimidating compared to waifs like Kelly Kelly, they still don’t match up physically to Kharma. Kharma is like a She-Vader, and I mean that in a completely complimentary way.
Having her storm the ring and beat up the poster girls for the division was a no brainer. Unfortunately, as I wrote in this space a few weeks ago, some things just aren’t meant to be. For now, it appears that a Kharma/WWE pairing is one of those things. That’s not to say that it never will be.

I would imagine that in 90 days (give or take a week), the Impact Zone is going to have one massive crowd reaction on its hands, though.

And now, headlines.

It really is hard for me to put into words how much I hated those tights. They were right up there with Cody Rhodes not wearing kneepads for years, or Randy Orton’s entire career on the list of things in professional wrestling that irritate me. Regardless, an interview that Ryder gave at the San Diego Comic Con was posted on a Comcast Xfinity blog this week, and Ryder had some interesting things to say. For his part, he seemed to be pretty open and honest with his answers, and was able to walk a pretty fine line between being honest about things without openly bashing the company. One of Ryder’s topics of discussion, though, was how he felt the angle with Kane and Eve essentially killed his career. For those wrestling fans who may be on the internet for the very first time, here’s some back story:

Zack Ryder is lost in the WWE shuffle, so he creates a YouTube show highlighting his personality. It catches on and Ryder starts getting some grass roots support. Before long, crowds are audibly chanting “We Want Ryder” any time WWE is in the New York/New Jersey area. Eventually the chant spreads to other areas, and WWE’s hand is forced. Ryder gets on television, gets a token US title reign, gets a love interest in the form of Eve, then gets screwed over by Eve, destroyed by Kane, and is lost in the shuffle again.

Ryder is a cautionary tale of what happens when you get yourself over in a way that WWE didn’t plan on or approve of or come up with themselves. If Zack Ryder well and truly got over and became a megastar with this persona, there would be a limited amount of credit WWE could take for it, and that’s simply not going to happen. Regardless of the company line “If we aren’t coming up with anything for you, come up with something for yourself and get over with it” that gets tossed out so much, it’s not a sincere invitation to do that. Now that Ryder has indirectly called out the creative team (after dropping hints about maybe not being there in a year’s time anyway), what will the consequences be?

Less television time: 8 to 1
Aside from being the one-week-GM of Smackdown by virtue of winning a battle royal, Zack’s not getting a ton of television time anyway. I don’t feel like this will help his case with that, but at the same time, it’s hard to get much less time than he has now.

A renewed and sustained push: 50 to 1
As I said, Zack Ryder is there to teach everyone a lesson. He’s an example to talent that they’ll get over if and when WWE wants them to be over. He’s also an example to WWE fans that we’re going to like who they tell us to like, and they’ll go out of their way to spite us regardless of how vocal we are or how much merchandise we buy for a given superstar. For whatever reason, Ryder is the guy that they’re using to prove this.

A change of scenery soon: 3 to 1
Last week, Ryder staying with WWE was my odds on favorite scenario. The more time passes, and the more that is said, though, the easier it is to see him moving on whenever the option presents itself. Maybe Ryder learned from Christian’s time in TNA. Christian was stuck in midcard hell, jumped to TNA, proved that he could be a main eventer, and despite mostly jobbing to a 2-strike Wellness offender in his main event run, got the chance to be in the spotlight upon his return. While I don’t necessarily see Ryder having that level of success, stranger things have happened.

Kevin Nash sent the IWC and fantasy bookers into a seizure of both horror and joy this week, when he Tweeted something or other about getting the nWo back together to help CM Punk keep the WWE title around his waist. While the iconic stable was memorable in mostly a good way in WCW, from the original incarnation with Hall, Nash, and Hogan, to the roster clogging version that featured everyone from Nash to Stevie Ray, the WWE versions left a little to be desired. They tried to murder The Rock, essentially replaced Hogan with Shawn Michaels, inducted Booker T in one of the more awkward moments in wrestling history, and generally did nothing of note. While Nash has long proven to be a master of keeping his name out there, and has been less offensive in the ring than a 50 year old with terrible knees should be, I don’t know that anyone is exactly clamoring for a revival of the nWo at this point. Thus far, versions of the nWo that didn’t include Hulk Hogan haven’t been successful. Seeing as how he’s under contract to TNA and Spike TV, I don’t like the odds of him being involved. Sean Waltman and Scott Hall don’t look to quite be in peak ring condition, though Scott Hall does have a son with exactly one match under his belt that could be available. Of the other big name players in the nWo, Sting is in TNA, Lex Luger had a stroke, Buff Bagwell recently broke his neck again, The Big Show is otherwise occupied but technically available, and I’ll not be making any jokes about the late Randy Savage. The best available option? Scott Steiner isn’t really doing anything. I can’t see WWE bringing him in and letting him overshadow Punk on the mic, though. What could possibly come of Nash’s tweet?

Nash returns to his bodyguard role, brings closure to the Punk/Nash stuff from last year:15 to 1
This would be the most acceptable outcome. It would provide Nash a role that doesn’t involve wrestling, and bring his WWE career full circle. It would provide Punk a way to play the typical cowardly heel, even though he certainly doesn’t need any help in getting over as a heel, so a “rub” from Nash would be wasted. Nash is still an intimidating physical presence, though, and still generally draws a reaction from crowds until he has to wrestle for 10-15 minutes, so it wouldn’t be completely awful.

nWo is the lastest nostalgia act to be revived by WWE: 50 to 1
As detailed above, the major players just aren’t there to make this happen. Could WWE conceivably do this with Nash, Punk, and throw in somebody like Heyman and Lesnar? Sure, they could, but just as with pairing Nash with Punk for heel purposes…there’s no real need to. Lesnar doesn’t have enough dates to be an effective part of the machine, and the last thing WWE needs right now is a rehashed stable that would be compared to one of the greatest angles in wrestling history. They’re much better off creating something new.

An nWo reunion happens somewhere: 2 to 1
It’s not that hard to see Nash, Hall, Waltman, and maybe a few of the other guys congregating for one of the larger convention weekends as the main attraction. There’s still money to be made from the nWo name in the form of shoot interviews, autograph signings, and photo ops. I feel pretty comfortable in saying that the sun has set on their usefulness as an active stable, though.

We’ll address the whole Velvet Sky thing first, but this is actually more than just a Velvet Sky or Divas issue. This is a TNA issue. After a few days of back and forth reporting that Velvet Sky was released, then wasn’t, then was, then wasn’t, it turns out that she definitely is, as confirmed by Velvet Sky herself. The release comes shortly after the release of her former Beautiful People tag team partner, Angelina Love, seeing two cornerstones of the TNA Knockouts division gone from the company rather abruptly. Velvet Sky already has appearances lined up, and while I’m sure the male fan base will miss seeing her entrance on a regular basis, there should be plenty of footage available over the next few months as she makes more appearances.

Along with Velvet and Angelina, TNA has seen the departures of Matt Morgan and Alex Shelley as well, and Chris Sabin was rumored to be on his way out before an injury put everything into a holding pattern. Anarquia, Tracy Brooks, Shannon Moore, Anthony Nese, Don West, Scott Steiner, and Ric Flair have also all left the company in 2012 for one reason or another. On the surface, this appears to be a troubling epidemic for a promotion that’s continually trying to grow. In reality, it’s more of a pruning process. Yes, there have been some cuts that I feel like were genuinely detrimental to the company – The Motor City Machine Guns, The Beautiful People, and Don West, mainly. The rest of the names either weren’t doing much anyway (Moore, Brooks, Nese, Anarquia), hadn’t been on television in forever (Steiner), needed a change of pace (Morgan), or will represent huge savings for the company and help avoid potential lawsuits in the future (Flair).

Removing these names from the roster (and more importantly, the payroll) allows TNA the opportunity to refresh the roster somewhat with guys like Kenny King, Chavo Guerrero, and whoever ends up being in the Aces and 8s faction. It also allows them to look at new Knockouts and potential wrestlers through the Gut Check segments. All the while, TNA still maintains a core group of talent such as Austin Aries, Robert Roode, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe to keep consistency in their product. Maybe I’m too much of an optimist, but this doesn’t seem like an entirely bad thing to me.

Back to the topic at hand, though. What now for Velvet?

A Beautiful People reunion in the Divas division: 10 to 1
I certainly feel like a reunion of Velvet and Angelina will help both of them get a foot in the door with WWE than they would alone, there’s no reason to think that WWE would have any desire to rehash their TNA gimmick, even if it’s probably better suited to WWE.

Velvet Sky finds her way to WWE alone: 15 to 1
Velvet certainly meets the augmentation requirements that most Divas seem to undergo, so that’s in her favor. It also doesn’t hurt that Velvet actually wouldn’t be the worst female wrestler in WWE. The biggest thing working against her is that the Divas division is kind of set right now, as WWE “Creative” can only focus on two or three divas at any given time. Hell, the Divas champion isn’t getting much attention right now as it is.

Coming soon to an amateur competition near you…: 50 to 1
Sorry, guys. The closest you’re going to get to this is daydreaming while standing in line to get a picture taken with her at an indy show for the next year or so. Try not to be too creepy.

CM Punk made news this week, but not just with his apparent heel turn on Raw 1000. Instead, it was for not signing autographs.

As the story goes, Punk was approached by a fan who wanted some autographs. For one reason or another, Punk refused to sign. The fan again approached Punk later on, and again was refused. After the second refusal, said fan and another person became belligerent and verbally abusive towards Punk, including making some threats. Security came over, the scene dispersed, and that’s that. While nothing tremendously exciting happened with this incident, it did spark some debate about what is and isn’t appropriate behavior, both by fans and by wrestlers.

You can find the story on 411wrestling.com here, including a bit of a rant by another wrestler who talks about the stresses of being something of a celebrity and the attention that comes with it. It’s hard for a lot of people to take a “woe is me” attitude to someone they see making a living on television, but wrestlers don’t make a living like sitcom actors do. What they do is much more physically demanding, and their schedule is much more mentally demanding, than say…Zooey Deschanel’s.

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment when you see someone that you frequently see on television and want to infringe upon their personal time. After all, it’s only going to take a second, right? Most of the wrestlers (and celebrities in general, for that matter) understand this, and are accommodating. There are some obnoxious fans out there, though, and there are those people that make it extremely difficult to be accommodating towards.

What then? When a wrestler refuses to cooperate for autograph or picture requests, or generally just wants to be left alone, what’s next? It creates a somewhat awkward social situation in which a fan just got shot down like he was asking for a prom date. Standing in an airport, on the sidewalk, or in a restaurant holding an unused camera or pen tends to lead to a little embarrassment, which then gets turned in to irritation or anger. Whether that’s a fair reaction or not, it happens. What’s not okay is to make threats due to autographs not being signed, or to act like a jackass just because you’ve been spurned. I don’t know the details behind why Punk didn’t sign autographs, but there are plenty of valid reasons not to do so.

While we’ll probably never know 100% of the details in this situation, we’re here to speculate on things anyway. What probably happened here?

Punk was “in character” for his heel turn: 20 to 1
Some wrestlers take their on camera personalities very seriously. There’s a great story about Big Bubba Rogers getting his hand slammed in a car door by Bobby Eaton as the Midnights were leaving a show. Bubba’s gimmick at the time was as a guy that didn’t say word, and was nearly indestructible. Bubba nearly bit a hole through his tongue and bottom lip to keep quiet, but Cornette and Condrey both swear that he stood there calmly until they got the door open, then got calmly into the car without saying a word, and didn’t start screaming and cussing until they were two blocks from the arena. I have no doubt that Punk is the type of guy that would do the same thing. However, odds are that this guy either just picked a bad time or was being a jackass.

The fan picked a bad time: 5 to 1
With any celebrity, or anyone that you don’t know personally in general, there’s a rule to follow upon approaching them. If you see one of the “three f’s” – family, fork, or phone – present, just leave them alone. The reasoning is obvious. If it’s family time, that’s a precious commodity for someone that’s on the road 300 days or more every year. If they’re eating, nobody likes a meal interrupted. If they’re on the phone, it’s rude to interrupt. If one of those three was the reason Punk refused…good for him.

The fan was being a jackass: 8 to 1
If you’ve ever gone autograph hunting before or after a wrestling show, you’ll know that there is invariably one or two guys that bring a stack of about 50 pictures to be signed. Some guys are willing to sit and sign them, knowing that they’re just going to a hobby shop or on eBay in an attempt to make a few bucks. The only time I’ve ever seen an outright refusal was by Goldberg after the WCW Souled Out ppv in Charleston, WV. Me and a friend were being complete and total marks and waiting for a picture with Goldberg when a guy shouldered in front of us with a stack of pictures. Goldberg signed the top one and handed them back. The guy asked for more, but Goldberg told him he’d rather take pictures with the kids that were there and accommodate as many fans as possible since it was 1 in the morning and we were in a parking garage in the middle of January. The guy stomped off and loudly complained as he left. Making unreasonable requests or badgering somebody for an excessive amount of signatures is an excellent way to get on their nerves – celebrity or not. After all, when was the last time you enjoyed filling out an insurance claim or medical forms?

Raw 1000 disappointed me.

Not only did it disappoint me, but it ruined some of my nostalgia.

Raw 1000 was a temporary rebirth of the Attitude Era, and it was painful to see. For three hours, we got segment after segment that either dragged on endlessly (looking at you, D-X opener and top of the hour wedding), was a brilliant example of “crash tv” that defined the Attitude Era (AJ’s wedding prep, Zack Ryder and Mean Gene), served no purpose other than to get a few more faces on screen (Undertaker’s appearance, Bret Hart as ring announcer), or felt entirely disjointed (six man tag match, Miz winning the IC title with no build).

In three hours of programming, WWE managed to squeeze in about 25 minutes of wrestling. I understand that this was mostly a show to brag about what they’ve done, but it came across like a train wreck.

AJ becoming the General Manager of Raw felt as random as when Booker T joined the nWo. One of Brock Lesnar’s very expensive appearances was used in a 45 second brawl with Triple H. They finished bottoming out Jack Swagger with a ten second squash against Brodus Clay that was essentially a reason to cram in an appearance by Mick Foley in his least enjoyable persona – face Dude Love.

I didn’t hate everything about the show. The legends match with Heath Slater was fun, Lita looked fantastic, and JBL’s clothesline from hell is always a favorite for me. Punk’s heel turn was fun, even if the match with Cena could have been given more time. Mae Young with a giant hand for a son was a hilarious nod to the absurdity of that whole angle. Ok, maybe not hilarious, but I chuckled.

Watching the show, though, I just kept feeling like things were out of sorts and like there was no flow. It was just a series of rapid fire segments that didn’t connect and kept getting louder and faster until it ended with a whimper rather than a bang. It made me glad that we’ve evolved past the Attitude Era, which is a shame. The Attitude Era had a lot of fond memories for a lot of people, but now I’m just left wondering how much of it is watchable, should I go back and try.

That’s it for me. I’ll try to do better next time. You can message me on Twitter @GavinNapier411 if you want to tell me how much you love me or hate me, or just say hi. Odds are I’ll be back next week.