The Tuesday Communique 09.04.12: It’s A New Day

Seems like there’s going to be a lot more communication on Tuesdays. I would like to thank Steve Cook for keeping my seat warm. Pleasantries aside, I am the new man of import on Tuesdays, so put all of your morning work duties to the side and prepare to be briefed with the Tuesday Communique.

– The Wrestling News Experience with Stephen Randle
– The 8-Ball: King of Trios Teams with Ryan Byers
– Shining A Spotlight: Conspiracies with Michael Weyer
– The Contentious Ten War Games Matches with Gavin Napier
– The Wrestling 5&1: AJ v. Layla with Tony Acero
– The 411 Pro and Con: Punk’s Turn with JP West
– Handicapping The News 8.31.12 with Gavin Napier

Well I’m no Cook, but Cook’s no Marsico.

I have no idea what that means.

Today’s word: pathology.

Look it up.

– I love how they decided that it would be way more effective to have King immediately accept the challenge instead of saying that he would… think about it. And then they also had AJ make the WWE Title match announcement AFTER the cage match, which was also more effective. That kind of thing is supposed to be considered BEFORE you put it on TV.

– Wouldn’t it be nice if this was the beginning of the WWE and World Titles being unified?

– Good opening segment with Punk and Sheamus. I’d love to see an extended feud between the two of them down the line. If they turn Punk into the straight edge focused guy again it would be a pretty natural rivalry and the matches would be awesome.

Dolph Ziggler def. Randy Orton (approx 13 min)
They got about 5 minutes longer here than they did on SmackDown (usually the other way around) and it was a very good match. I think the two of them can certainly do better, but we got a great TV match out of them here. The finish was rough but it didn’t take away from the match.

– Miz is out to join Cole on commentary. Was there some miscommunication there? It seems like they jumped the gun on playing Miz’ music. Orton was still in the ring upset and Ziggler was still on the ramp. I guess they wanted people to be interested and tune back in to see what was going to happen, but if that’s the case, what a shitty bait-and-switch tactic.

– Oh, and I may get shit for this, but Cole by himself called the Orton/Ziggler match quite well. When he doesn’t have anybody to bicker with the show can’t be derailed by shitty commentary (like it was a bunch of times with Miz). I enjoyed the brief period with Cole at the helm without help. He actually, gulp, called the match!

– Tensai’s music hits. That seals it, Rhodes’ team WILL lose.

Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara def. Tensai & Cody Rhodes (approx 8 min)
I told you so. The crowd, who were mega hot for the first match, did not even care a small bit when Sin Cara was out there. Please just get rid of him already.

– So they want the crowd to boo Punk by having him refuse to wrestle… and as he walks out they chant his name.

Sheamus def. Jack Swagger (approx 2 min)
I was really hoping they would let Swagger have a good showing against Sheamus in there, but apparently that’s not in the cards. Why bother showing him throw a mini-fit last week then? I love that Miz called the Texas Cloverleaf (son!), and then Cole immediately does something foolish by claiming that Sheamus has never used that move before. I mean look, I know he only used it once (in the 2/3 falls match) and wrestling logic dictates that Michael Cole is a tool, but at least be surprised and say that he pulled that one out of his rarely used repertoire as opposed to orgasming over it like a lonely teenager.

Eve def. Kaitlyn (approx 3 min)
Did Kaitlyn accidentally potato Eve? The did Eve intentionally potato her back? That shit looked like two women who were pissed. Match was a huge mess that was only made worse by the horrendous commentary. First, please do not EVER give Layla a live mic ever ever ever again. Second, why the hell were she and Miz arguing like that? I think we may have a contender for the worst RAW segment of the year. And that’s saying a lot.

– I guess I was wrong about Swagger. So he’s taking an “extended leave”. What are the odds of him going right back to completely floundering within one month?

Ryback def. Jinder Mahal (approx 2 min)
The biel to start the match was pretty sweet. They may be happy that the crowd is chanting “Feed Me More”, but unless they start doing something with the dude the crowd will also continue chanting “Goldberg” until the end of time.

Daniel Bryan and Kane Hug It Out
Fantastic segment. They ended somewhat cold and cutting to a promo for the Cena/ADR match so quickly didn’t help, but the whole thing was all kinds of fun. I still hope they end up as a team. I have hope.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro def. Santino Marella (approx 2 min)
Hey, some of the Chicago crowd gave out “Hey!”s for Claudio! Match happened. Nobody (other than the ROH fans) cared about any of this. Aksana is only going to drag AC down and they need to split them up.

Zack Ryder def. Heath Slater (approx 3 min)
Not bad for 3 minutes. Slater could legitimately do a lot with the OMRB gimmick and I’d love to see it. Ryder is still over (at least somewhat) and it’s great to see him on RAW 2 weeks in a row. I will call it right now. He might be on next week too! You read it here first.

– So what’s the endgame here? AJ versus Vickie in a match? Awesome.

If AJ was really crazy, she would have done this.

Falls Count Anywhere: Alberto Del Rio def. John Cena (approx 14 min)
Great match to close RAW. There were a couple of weak spots, notably what may have been the worst double clothesline of all time, but the match really was darn good. This is what Cena does best. Granted when it can be more brutal (see: I Quit matches with JBL and Umaga) he excels even more, but both men worked their asses off to close RAW with a match that didn’t even have a feud behind it. It didn’t matter.

HOLY SHIT CM PUNK JUST DROVE AWAY IN A CAR WITH PAUL HEYMAN.

Overall RAW Thoughts
This week was a gigantic step up over last week. The only bad segment was the women’s match/awful commentary and other than that we got an entertaining show. Anger management was fun (my wife was very disappointed with the anger collages), we got two very strong matches and a couple decent ones and FINALLY we have something interesting happen with Paul Fucking Heyman joining forces with CM Punk. Just in case you were curious: people still won’t boo Punk. Especially not with Cena as his opponent.

My point still stands about the build for Night of Champions, however, as they set up exactly nothing new for next Sunday. The show is in 12 days and not only are there only 3 matches (technically 2 because who gives a fuck about the Divas belt?) but they also don’t even have anything lined up! Miz was out there for the entire god damned night — they had every opportunity in the world to have somebody call him out but they didn’t bother.

– WWE Title: CM Punk v. John Cena
– World Title: Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio
– Divas Title: Layla v. Kaitlyn
– IC Title: No storyline or prospective challengers for Miz
– US Title: Cesaro beat Santino on RAW and nobody else has mentioned the title in months
– Tag Titles: No teams appeared on RAW and there will likely be a multi-team match on PPV

Pitiful. I still enjoyed RAW even though the title situation is beyond frustrating.

Per Dr. Wiki in a request from the 8/22 Wednesday Wire: “What I would really like to see is a short review of some of the FCW/NXT guys and how you would book their debuts. A short outline for one of the more unknown workers would make an interesting read and it would seem pretty new since I have never seen something like that here or on the bleacherreport.”

Your wish is my command, my friend. This time, at least. I have indeed been keeping up with the new NXT, and while it has been very hit-or-miss in the way of in-ring quality, these guys all have a lot of potential and I feel that they are being given the short end of the stick as far as how much they are allowed to do in their matches and how long the matches are timewise, so it’s tough to get too down on them. I don’t love to do the fantasy booking thing and I try to only resort to it when something is getting so bad that if I don’t make something up it will make me want to gouge my eyes out. Sounds like we’re nearing that point so I’ll go with it here. I’ll start with introductions and descriptions of some of the most promising NXT roster members and my personal opinions. It’s pretty long, so I’ll do two a week for a few weeks.

Bo Dallas

Bo Dallas, son of Mike Rotunda, more famously known as IRS, is 22 years old. He is of average size, coming in at 6’1” tall and weighing 225 pounds. He is very high energy and seems to give his all in the ring every time, but even though he has been wrestling just a few months short of 4 years he is still pretty green and can use a lot of seasoning. That’s going to be a theme throughout, if you were wondering. His gimmick in NXT is that he’s a good-looking young kid with tons of energy but a very short temper that can work for him but often also works against him. He has a good future ahead of him as long as he stays clean (he got a DUI in February) and doesn’t get hurt.

Bottom Line: Almost ready for the main roster. He should be brought up to work with more talented wrestlers on house shows. I personally like him and if he develops some more personality with his raw athleticism he can be a star in due time. Start him small and let him work on being able to convey more emotion than youthful excitement and he has all the makings of a popular pretty boy babyface who isn’t afraid to get dirty when the situation calls for it.

Booking A Debut: Nothing special. Do the initial introduction a la Randy Orton where he meets with the GM backstage and they talk about how he will debut on SmackDown the following week. He does so in an impressive but losing effort against a middle of the road guy, say, Christian, and before leaving they exchange a handshake. Bo goes on to beat a couple heels in competitive matches (Hunico, Jinder Mahal) with Christian’s approval shown afterward backstage. After Christian is successful in a match over someone like Jack Swagger, Dallas comes out to the stage and makes a challenge to Christian for a rematch. They do it the following week on SmackDown and Christian wins again, but this time it’s only after Dallas counters the way he beat him the first time. He still hits the Killswitch to win, but Bo shows us that he doesn’t forget very easily. The following week they team together and beat Hunico & Camacho. After the match Bo grabs a microphone and tells Christian that he needs one more opportunity to defeat a traveled veteran such as himself, otherwise he considers his debut to be a failure. Finally, at the next PPV, Bo is able to defeat Christian. Instead of a handshake Christian exits the ring quietly and points at Bo with his hand in the air and lets him bask in his moment on PPV. Simple and effective. This whole story arc lasts 8 weeks from backstage appearance to PPV match.

Leo Kruger

Leo Kruger is WWE’s second current South African wrestler. Unlike Justin Gabriel, Kruger is big and mean. He may only stand at 6 feet 1 inch, but he weighs in at a very lean and ripped 235 pounds. Upon his debut in NXT he called himself the Alpha Male Lion and presented himself as South African royalty. In the 9th episode of NXT he cut an interesting (and somewhat out of his mind) promo at which time he pulled out a false tooth and seems to want to distance himself from his previous claims of royalty. His bio now reads that he is actually a big game hunter who is more of a jungle wild child than a person of nobility. In the ring he is surprisingly quick and agile although he likes to control with a slower pace.

Bottom Line: Ready to debut on SmackDown or RAW. He has a good presence about him and has displayed good promo ability both as a nobleman and an unstable jungle hunter. He is very adept at the WWE style, likely because he has been wrestling for about 16 years, 13-14 of which were outside of the confines of World Wrestling Entertinment. He can add his previous knowledge of wrestling to the watered down style that developmental beats into these men’s heads. At 33 years old, Kruger needs to get called up very soon or he doesn’t have much of a chance at becoming a star.

Booking A Debut: As I said, he needs to be called up soon or he’s going to waste away in developmental forever before they release him. His profile on the NXT website states that he is gunning for the BIG hunt, stars like Khali, Ryback and Brodus Clay. Okay, we can start there. It states that he’s not out for titles, fame or fortune, just the hunt. Let him start by hunting Tensai. After he beats some schlep, Tensai is kicking the crap out of Sakamoto for the fun of it. Instead of being boring and going to a commercial or a backstage segment, some wild African jungle type of music plays and out comes this crazy-looking longhaired wildman, shirtless and wearing the khaki pants you can see in his profile along with that necklace, which appears to be claws, teeth or both. He beats the holy hell out of Tensai, grabs a mic and says “next week”. The next week on RAW he has to fight hard to overcome the force of Tensai but eventually wins after a series of vicious moves to solidify a clear-cut victory. He goes after a recently returned Mark Henry next, calling him out for returning from his injury with a smile on his face, telling Henry that it isn’t the monster he heard so much about. This upsets Henry, and after teasing getting back to the Hall of Pain for a few weeks after matches, Kruger gets in the ring in the middle of a Henry match and gives him a chair. After some goading, Henry uses the chair on his hapless foe (Sin Cara works) and gets disqualified. Kruger stands in the ring smiling but when Henry turns around he spears the living hell out of him. Kruger is beating jobbers during the few weeks while he taunts Henry (with three hours you would think they would do more than just have a guy beat people up and leave). That way he gets his moveset over but also has a storyline so HE gets over. Do that with Ryback and there are no “Goldberg” chants, you idiots. Anyway, he beats Henry on RAW a couple weeks later just like he beat Tensai, and the next guy he calls out… Big Show. This is over the course of about 10 weeks before he calls out Big Show.

Next week: Richie Steamboat and Seth Rollins.

Guest #0341 on Punk v. Cena
“I said this earlier this week but my comment didn’t get posted so I will try it again although it probably won’t make as much sense. The last time Cena faced Punk one on one Cena beat Punk, also the only time Punk has beaten Cena in the last year was when he pinned the Big Show in a triple threat match at SummerSlam that also involved Cena. The main reason I feel that Lawler doesn’t call Punk the best is because even though he has held the title for 9 months he has yet to defend the title against Cena in a one on one match as far as I know. I know there was more to my statement then just that but I can’t remember was else I posted.”

I understand what you’re going for, and maybe your logic worked a bit better in a more fully thought out comment, but here’s the rebuttal to that. We’ll start with the beginning of the big angle and their match at Money in the Bank.

– CM Punk def. John Cena (Money in the Bank – July 17, 2011)
– CM Punk def. John Cena (SummerSlam – August 14, 2011)
– John Cena def. CM Punk (RAW – August 22, 2011)
– CM Punk def. John Cena (RAW – July 23, 2012)

There was the triple threat with Big Show last month that Punk won, and the only other big match with Cena and Punk was the Hell in a Cell match last October with Del Rio, which ADR won. So sure, Punk hasn’t defended the belt against Cena outside of RAW 1,000 but how is that Punk’s fault? Punk defended the belt against any and every challenger and has come out on top every single time since November 20, 2011. Cena went a year without geting a shot at the belt, but Punk beat Cena two months in the row on the big stage of PPV. Does that not count? Why shouldn’t it count? Punk beat John Cena AND everybody else that has come his way. If that doesn’t make him BITW, what does?

Booker T and Racism
In a recent interview with WrestleZone (I remember reading that site in 1999 on WebTV!), Booker T claimed that, even though he grew up in a time and area that was rough for black people, he never really faced racism until he got into pro wrestling. That’s actually a very interesting statement for him to make, since he made some bad decisions as a kid and got himself in trouble and went to prison, yet he says that he didn’t experience racism? What does that say about wrestling? It’s a shame he’s currently employed by WWE right now because I would really like to hear what he has to say about specifics if he would feel open enough to reveal anything. The obvious examples are far too obvious to even bother listing. All that can really said is that it’s really a shame that after the life Booker lead before he became a wrestler, he didn’t feel discriminated against until he got into the business. That’s truly amazing.

– Chris Jericho noted on the Busted Open radio show that the contract v. contract match with Ziggler on RAW wasn’t planned until the day of the show. I don’t think that comes as a surprise to anybody. He also said that guys like Kofi, Ziggler and Miz are very good and will be great one day. It was a great interview (read more here) in which he talked about how there are a number of guys who are this close to being ready to be true main event guys as well as how he was wrestling for 9 years before coming to WWE while there are guys these days on TV after 9 months in the business. A lot of great insite from a guy who truly does “get it”.

– David Otunga actually thinks his character is going to grow and evolve. He’s “goal-oriented” and wants to get to the highest level. Look, he seems like a nice guy and seems to be a good father, but the guy ain’t ever getting much higher than he is right now. There’s nothing wrong with that because he’s great in the role, but there need to be people in every spot. That spot is his.

– Funkadactyl Cameron has been suspended for at least 15 days. I am going to really miss the ass-to-ass ring entrance.

– I don’t necessarily disagree with AW’s comments about the hypocracy and endless damage control on WWE’s part, but the way he’s presenting it all on Twitter just comes off as unintelligent. It looks like a conspiracy theory nerd typed it up and submitted it under his name. Enough with the exclamation points dude. More people (sensible people) would be inclined to listen to him and take him seriously if he wasn’t typing like a teenage girl wronged by her high school sweetheart. He is now claiming that he will be doing interviews as soon as the red tape is cut. That’ll be fun.

– Kofi Kingston said at a recent Be A Star rally that he used to be a bully, apparently because he hated his name and wanted to be called Joey. R-Truth claimed that he used to be a tattle-tale. No word on what side of the fence Little Jimmy is on.

– Matt Hardy posted a new mission statement on Facebook the other day. He wrote that he will no longer be hypocritical, he will now begin to be brutally honest with people and that he had a vision last Thanksgiving. Somehow he is able to say that all of this while still being completely cryptic (just like always) and I would be willing to bet some money that he has nothing groundbreaking to do and this revelation is going to end as disappointingly as always.

It’ll never get on TV. Sadly.

ScottOTD on Brock & The Midcard
“So, I’m pretty certain Brock contract was Steph’s anniversary present to HHH. I would love for someone to justify (besides a POSSIBLE buyrate) the value in bringing him back and putting him in the ring twice with (maybe thrice if Taker gets him at Mania) with semi-retired guys does anyone any good besides letting HHH and Taker play MMA dream camp by beating him…. at least they spent a year building with Rock.

It’s so easy to book even the current writing team who seem to have decided 2 angles per show is enough could do it, Brock interrupts a match announce he’s quitting (instead of fucking Touting it) because he’s the best and one of the guys in the match takes exception to his lack of respect.

You could literally do it with ANYONE from Sheamus, Bryan, Ziggler and Kofi all the way to Justin Gabriel, Drew and Ryder. They don’t even need to win, they just have to fight harder and kick out more than they should… basically the same match Brock had with Eddy or Cena but with him winning, BOOM instant uppercard or established main event face.

Blargh, ranting. Just frustrated at how great the show COULD be if someone noticed the midcard exists.”

Wouldn’t it be grand if WWE gave a damn about making things interesting instead of trying to make money however they can? I truly am expecting that with Triple H getting more power they will start paying more attention to the long term but it’s tough to tell when that will happen. At this point I expect that they’ll just run supposed “money” matchups with Brock and Rock (separately) and after WrestleMania stars may begin to really be born. I hope, at least.

Guest#6457 Talks Santino
“I thought the Santino/Cesearo thing was actually pretty good and tbh I think it’s a good feud to try and see if we can get a more 1/2 goofy 1/2 serious Santino. Guy is great at comedy but he’s good enough that he can evolve into more if given the chance… just that he’s SO GOOD at comedy that even if he was just average at serious it would seem a let down.”

It looked like they were going to do exactly that all the way back in February. He was getting major, major, MAJOR pops at that point and the crowd went batshit when he almost won the World Title from Daniel Bryan. He got the US Title and it appeared that he was going to get a semi-serious run and that the US Title would be given some meaning but it all fell apart. He went from almost winning the World Title in February to having a Tuxedo match with a ring announcer in June. I know he sells merchandise, but as a US Champion with legitimate challengers he also would have helped sell tickets. Nobody decided to go to the Meadowlands for No Way Out because they heard that Santino would be trying to strip a chubby Mexican man out of a tuxedo.

G-Walla on Tag Teams
“I was thinking the name could be News from Beyond Cook’s Corner.

How about the Tuesday Tir…ade.

Actually, I liked Tuesday Newsday, but could give a fuck as long as I have something to read that doesn’t suck ass (and you, sir, haven’t sucked ass).

Oh, and I want JTG to tag with Hawkins. But they’d probably prefer to team JTG with Jackson for obvious reasons.

I’ve also always loved the idea of Swagger teaming with Riley. They both had matching colors at some point (black and gold) and they could be like the new Varsity Squad.”

Thank you for the kind words. The Tuesday Tir…ade is pretty clever. I kinda like the idea of JTG and Curt Hawkins teaming. JTG is criminally underused (ha-ha cuz he used to be a criminal) and is great as a tag guy. Hawkins has a ton of potential and I am a big fan of his. I have a feeling that if Reks didn’t quit their new gimmick would have been to try out new gimmicks every week. If done right that probably would have gotten them over, too. The New Varsity Squad could be pretty rad. It would add some much needed personality to the division. I still would rather have A-Ry as a face in the IC or US division and Swagger repackaged and pushed as well.

Bonerfied on Ziggler and Cena
“While I disagree with your logic on Ziggler/Cena, I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.

In what way do you disagree? I think Zigger could certainly be on the level of or even above Cena, but only in the right political climate. That won’t happen in WWE as it stands today. Cena is far too protected. That’s what I’m saying — not that Ziggler couldn’t do it, just that “the powers that be” wouldn’t allow it. They have their cash cow and that’s how he will stay.

Thanks to everybody who gave me ideas for names for this new Tuesday endeavor (shit, THERE’S the name!). I almost went with a couple different ones, but I don’t want to cause infighting so I won’t say which. And yes, Mister Captain Smooth, your ideas for Triple H/Mark Henry team names were much better last week. Now come up with a name for Kane and Bryan.

I’m out. I think I’ll talk about ROH frustrations next week.

– Nicholas A Marsico