The Tuesday Communique 04.16.13: One Less Hour, Please

The Wrestling News Experience with Stephen Randle
The Wrestling 5&1: Summer Rae vs. Paige! with Tony Acero & Greg De Marco
Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report with Sean Kelly
Ask 411 Wrestling: Pushing Cena, Replacing Warrior, Swagger’s Logic and More! with Mathew Sforcina
The Heel Report: What A Difference A Day Makes with James Wright
The Piledriver Report: WrestleMania Weekend Recap with Ronny Sarnecky
My Take On: Top 10 ‘Mania Weekend Matches with Larry Csonka
The Professional 3: Top 3 Dude Love Moments with Jon Harder

WWE Monday Night RAW from Greenville, SC || TV Review
Handicap Match: Randy Orton & Sheamus v. The Big Show
Interesting that they’re doing a rematch of this one from SmackDown. I hope Orton finally turns here. Sheamus attacks quickly to start but Show throws him down with an awesome backdrop suplex. Show gets caught with the clubbing forearms in the ropes and Sheamus gets 2 coming off the top with a shoulder block. Brogue Kick is blocked and Show tosses him right over the top rope. Sheamus gets back in at 8 but Show is waiting with headbutts. He mimmicks the clubbing forearms with 6 huge palm strikes to the chest and the Final Cut gets 2 before Orton breaks it up. Sheamus tries to fight up but gets caught with a big side slam for 2. Sheamus catches Show going up and brings him down with a huge electric chair drop. That was pretty damned impressive. Props to Show for taking bumps like that at this stage of his career. Orton finally gets the tag and nails a dropkick and hits the rope-hang DDT from the top rope. This match has been really good. Show blocks the RKO and goozles Orton, but Sheamus stops that with a Brogue Kick. That leads to the RKO to finish it. One of the better handicap matches I’ve ever seen. Don’t know why they didn’t just do that last week on RAW. Orton/Sheamus def. Show, RKO – 6 min, ***

3MB are backstage and they announce that they’re going to call out The Shield. Ok then. Back from break and they’re in the ring, calling out The Shield. Sadly, they get Brock Lesnar instead. He destroys the hell out of them, much to the delight of the crowd. Heath Slater takes a particularly nasty F-5 knee-first to the barricade. Apparently that wasn’t good enough, so he does it again. Heyman is here, and they’re calling out Triple H. Heyman respects Triple H for what he was able to do at WrestleMania, but Brock doesn’t. They want a rubber match to prove who the dominant Alpha Male is. Marcus Cor Von? A man can dream. The challenge is for a Cage match at Extreme Rules. Honestly, it could be good, and I’m glad they’re not dragging it out. Hopefully after this Brock can use some appearances to interact with somebody who can actually benefit from being associated with him and Heyman. Absolutely fantastic segment.

United States Title: Antonio Cesaro v. Kofi Kingston
Cesaro, for some reason, poorly yodels on the way to the ring. Why? Kofi rolls him up immediately but barely gets a 1. Backslide gets 2, but Cesaro comes back with a gigantic lariat. Gutwrench gets 2 for the champ. Kofi comes back and gets the Boom Drop but misses Trouble in Paradise. AC throws Kofi up and catches him coming down with the European uppercut, but it only gets 2. Back from commercial with Cesaro in control. He breaks up the SOS and headbutts Kofi down. Kofi gets the SOS on a second try but Cesaro is too close to the ropes. Trouble in Paradise connects, but Cesaro falls out of the ring! Kofi pulls him back in but it’s too late and he only gets 2. Kofi dives off the top for a cross body, but Cesaro catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! It only gets 2! Kofi springboards in and gets a roll up, but only 2! They trade pinning combinations and Kofi gets Trouble in Paradise for the win! Great match! Kingston def. Cesaro, Trouble in Paradise – 10 min, ***1/4

New World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler is here to sing his own praises. He cuts a standard but very good “I’m better than everyone” promo before Del Rio and Rodriguez interrupt. He wants his rematch right now. Ziggler declines, but Vickie Guerrero comes out and makes the match. They get ready to go, but before they can start, here come Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. Swagger walks into the ring and Del Rio clotheslines him right out, but Swagger attacks the knee, wrapping it around the ring post Bret Hart style. Patriot Lock ends Del Rio’s chance at invoking the rematch clause tonight.

Team Hell No v. Prime Time Players
Next week, it’s The Shield v. Team Hell No & The Undertaker! Wow. Bryan starts off by destroying Titus with kicks and gets a quick cover with a low dropkick. Darren Young tags in and takes over on Bryan long enough to tag back out to Titus. He catches Bryan on a cross body attempt and throws him with a fall away slam without the fall away part and then suplexes Young onto Bryan. The advantge doesn’t last long as Bryan is able to tag in Kane, who hits the usual. The flying clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam, but Titus runs in. Kane tosses him and Bryan gets him with the running knee off the apron. NOW it’s time for the chokeslam. Bryan gets the flying headbutt to put the PTP away. Just a match. Hell No def. PTP, flying headbutt – 3 min, *

Ryback is at an undisclosed location and he seems pretty heelish. He’s pissed because he lost to Mark Henry at WrestleMania. He had the worst night of his life and Cena had the best of his. He felt that Cena made him feel welcome, but it was a ruse, since Cena putting him over just put him in Cena’s shadow. Cena said he was his friend, but The Shield attacked him 6 times, but Cena was nowhere to be seen. Ryback is tired of Cena being a dick who only cares about himself, in his perspective, and Ryback is Cena’s biggest threat ever. Makes enough sense to me.

Non-title: Wade Barrett v. R-Truth
There’s a 10-man battle royal for an IC Title shot this week on Main Event. I wonder if that will get canceled for no reson. Truth gets a side kick to start, but Barrett takes over with punchy stuff. Truth counters the Winds of Change slam and gets the Flatliner to win. What? Honestly, I was busy with my son and didn’t figure this would be anything other than a quick squash for the champ. But then Truth wins? What the hell? I truly thought last week was a rejuvination for Barrett. Guess not. Truth def. Barrett, Flatliner – 5 min, NR

Team Rhodes Scholars v. Great Khali & Santino Marella
After a fantastic first hour, this second hour has been garbage. Santino pretty much dances at Cody and gets kicked in the gut for it. Double team snap mare! Elbow of Disdain gets two on Santino. He comes back with a hiptoss and the saluting headbutt, and Sandow takes the Cobra! Cody dodges it and takes on in the abdomen from Hornswoggle, but that does nothing. Khali gets the chop, but Sandow rolls up Santino inside for the win. Let’s end the second hour! Scholars def. Khali/Santino, roll up – 3 min, NR

Jerry Lawler introduces Fandango after a video package about all of the media attention the song got last week. He had the crowd with him as he led them into how to say his name, but he didn’t like it and told them to “Fandango themselves”. I hope they don’t do this every week. I was really hoping they’d actually figure out a way to capitalize on this, but nah, they decided to spend all week gathering clips of people “Fandangoing” on TV and online instead of thinking and creating. Shame.

Non-title: Dolph Ziggler v. Jack Swagger
Ziggler tries to grab a single leg but Swagger powers him into the corner, so Ziggler slaps him in the face. That gets Swagger to chase him out of the ring, but DZ catches him coming back in. Swagger comes back and controls to zero crowd reaction. Ziggler gets a very HBK-like swinging neckbreaker and hangs Swagger’s throat over the top rope, but Swagger sets him on the top rope and clotheslines him all the way down to the floor. Crowd seems to want to get behind Ziggler, but they care so little about Swagger that they can’t even put out the effort. Swagger misses a charge when we come back from break and Ziggler gets a small package for 2. Swagger comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Ziggler gets his feet up to block the Swagger Bomb and nails a dropkick to wake up the crowd a bit. Stalling DDT only gets 2. Fameasser attempt gets blocked into the Stun Gun for Swagger, and that’s enough to get him a school boy for the win. Why isn’t the experiment over? Crowd wants to cheer Ziggler and they don’t want to even see Swagger. Del Rio attacks him on the stage after the match and puts him in the cross armbreaker, hopefully putting him out of commission for a while. Swagger def. Ziggler, school boy – 10 min, **

Sheamus is backstage for an interview, but before he can say anything, Mark Henry spears the living hell out of him. I need the true rubber match!

CM Punk is here and the crowd, rightly so, revere him and chant his name. He talks about how he’s always looking for what’s next, and he found that with challenging The Streak at WrestleMania. He pauses for a few moments and an “Undertaker” chant breaks out, and suddenly it’s a dueling “Undertaker!” “CM Punk!” chant. Then, Punk hands Heyman the mic, hugs him, and walks away. I guess that means he’s walking away for a while. I was expecting more, but I guess that’s what I get for expecting epic. Seems like we’ll just have to wait until he’s healthy and rested for the next epic moment that will hopefully come.

Booker T tells Teddy that he disagrees with Teddy’s decision to give Swagger a match with Ziggler. He makes a triple threat match between Ziggler, Swagger and Del Rio and an unannounced time and location.

Non-title: Kaitlyn v. Nikki Bella
The commentators talk about which Bella has bigger tits. I tune out. Kaitlyn hits the gutbuster, but the girls do Twin Magic. Cool. Nikki/Brie def. Kaitlyn, Twin Magic – 5 min, NR

Cena is not happy with how Ryback made his statement last week and challenges him to fight right now, but Ryback walks away. Oddly, the crowd is pretty much 100% behind Cena. As Ryback makes his way up the ramp, The Shield’s music hits. I wonder if he’ll save Cena. The Shield sloooooooowly advance and finally come in and destroy Cena while Ryback watches stoically.

Overall RAW Thoughts
After a great, great, great first hour this show went completely to shit. I was so excited for a good show after they gave us two good matches and a great beatdown/promo segment, but it seems that’s all they had for us. Why did all the champions lose again? Disappointing. That’s all I can really say. They really need to drop the third hour, because they have no clue how to fill it and it’s becoming a daunting task to keep interested by the time they get to whatever main event segment that is supposed to close the show. Bleh.

– Kassius Ohno, Bray Wyatt and Adrian Neville are said to be on the way up to the main roster. I’d say I’m excited, but I’m afraid they’ll get the Antonio Cesaro treatment rather than the Shield treatment. Honestly, though, I’m just glad WrestleMania season is finally over. That means the only big, big name that’s going to be around, for the most part, will be Cena. Maybe some other guys can step up as we go through spring and summer. Hell, Kofi Kingston actually won a match on SmackDown! Shockingly, it was Cesaro who he beat.

– Last week’s RAW was supposed to see Brock Lesnar take out The Rock in order to set up their feud that would culminate in a match at WrestleMania XXX. Since Rock left hurt, Brock didn’t appear either. I am SO unbelievably over this era of part timers coming in and working half-assed angles for WrestleMania. It’s tiresome. I’m just not interested in seeing Rock vs. Brock II. In 2002 it was fantastic. They had those training videos and a simple angle leading up to the title win. It meant something because Rock was still an important figure as a member of the active roster — it was his last hurrah. Brock was the up-and-comer winning his first World Title and he was something new and different. Now, it’s just two guys who don’t really care and aren’t going to produce anything particularly interesting. I can tell you right now, all we’re going to see is Heyman trying to get under Rock’s skin by calling Brock a better athlete and Rock making fat jokes toward Heyman followed by a mediocre match. Awesome!

– Rey Mysterio is supposed to return around June. Christian is said to be ready at any time. Don’t care to see Mysterio any more, but I’d love to see a Christian/Cesaro feud.

– After the backstage attack on SmackDown, word is that Mark Henry’s next feud is set to be with Sheamus. The true rubber match is finally going to happen!

– TNA Impact Wrestling got its lowest rating since October last week. It would be awesome if this meant a good depush for Hardy when he comes back from the “injury” he suffered and was carted out for. I like Jeff, but I’m tired of him being constantly on top.

– Christian is medically cleared to return and will be back at some point soon! Or not!

All Japan Pro Wrestling

Keiji Mutoh v. Minoru Suzuki || AJPW Champions Carnival Tournament – April 12, 2009
From David Arthur: “As of the date of this match, Keiji Mutoh was 45 years old and Minoru Suzuki was 41 years old. By professional wrestling standards, both men were well past their primes. Even with his mileage, Mutoh has always been an athletic, flashy, and charismatic performer, which is why he’s a favorite and an inspiration among many professional wrestler’s all over the world. Suzuki on the other hand is an excellent example of the embodiment of a veteran Japanese grappler. Tough, stoic, methodical, unyielding and unwilling to give any quarter. And while this match is not a classic by any means, it is still a very good, smart, solid outing between two revered elder statesmen of Puroresu.”

For more, please visit FreeProWrestling.com

– Nicholas A. Marsico