The Wrestling News Experience: 04.22.13

Monday, April 22nd, 2013

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

I Said, Freebird!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I just want to say something to the people of the city of Boston. Your sports teams all suck and I hope they lose every single game every year from now until eternity.

Hey, if they change our daily lives and reactions, the terrorists win, right?

In all seriousness, my heart goes out to the citizens of Boston, and also of West, Texas. To me, the enduring image I will take away from these tragedies is not the people fleeing away from the scene in terror, but the heroes who ran towards the danger, looking to help others.

Moving on.

This week, WWE is in the United Kingdom, which means that, due to time zone differences and daylight saving time, the show will be taped…let’s see…carry the one…two days from now. Or something.

Last week, Ryback explained his thought process that led to him attacking John Cena after WrestleMania. Then, to punctuate his argument, he left Cena high and dry when The Shield hit the ring as Raw went off the air. No doubt, Cena will have revenge on his mind tonight.

Speaking of The Shield, they’ll be in action tonight as Hell No has found the best third man they possibly could for a mammoth six-man tag match: The Undertaker. That will go down tonight, and for the first time, The Shield might be in serious trouble.

Plus, after becoming the new World Heavyweight Champion two weeks ago, things haven’t exactly gone Dolph Ziggler’s way, as he now finds himself caught between Alberto Del Rio, who wants his rematch for the title, and Jack Swagger, who feels he deserves a title shot for softening Del Rio up for Ziggler’s victory. With enemies at every turn, where can Ziggler possibly hide?

And last week Brock Lesnar challenged Triple H to another match at Extreme Rules, this time inside a Steel Cage for some reason! Triple H will be on Raw tonight to, presumably, accept the challenge, and hopefully change the stipulation to something more interesting. But at least the first thing.

Meanwhile, we’ve got a new US Champion in Kofi Kingston (this feels familiar), so maybe a reshuffle of the midcard deck is in order!

All this and probably some more, tonight on Raw!

Woo Woo Woo?

Yes, it’s the return of Z! True Long Island Story…or is it? If you haven’t already seen this, I’ll spare you the thirty seconds: it seems that Zack Ryder may have become disenfranchised with his lot in life, and perhaps may be turning his back on the gimmick that briefly made him the talk of wrestling. Rumblings of a heel turn have quickly begun to run rampant throughout the usual channels, and I…could not be more thrilled.

Zack Ryder absolutely should turn heel. He should do it, because it’s the only way he will ever have another chance at a moment like he got way back at TLC in 2011, and I’m pretty sure he knows it.

The current incarnation of Ryder is the goofy, loveable, Internet Champion that we all grew to love over his self-propelled YouTube-aided push into our hearts what seems like so very long ago. His dedication and perseverance garnered such a groundswell of public support that WWE had almost no choice but to fish Ryder out of the purgatory of Superstars job duty and give him a featured role on Raw and Smackdown. They even gave him a feud and the United States title in a chase that had all sorts of people excited about the future of Long Island Iced Z.

And then…they destroyed him. Quickly, effectively, as if his push had never really existed. Oh sure, people were all “let’s let it play out and see how it goes” when he got involved with John Cena and Kane and Eve, but it quickly became clear, there was no happy ending in Zack Ryder’s storyline. He was destroyed by the Big Red Machine, essentially abandoned by the man who claimed to be his “bro”, and betrayed not once, but twice, by the girl, the second time on the biggest stage of them all, WrestleMania. In the history of heroic tales, Zack Ryder’s story ranks somewhere around Snails from the Dungeons and Dragons movie, only without the sweet release of death to save him from further torture.

Now, the days of “We Want Ryder” are barely a memory. Ryder is once again nothing more than jobber, albeit (I guess) one that shows up on Raw more often than he did before his push. And hey, he ranks higher than 3MB on the jobber ladder, maybe that should be good enough.

Don’t think so? No, neither do I. And neither, it seems, does Zack Ryder. After a few months of blatantly complaining about not being used on his Twitter account (funny how nobody wondered why a WWE contracted employee was allowed to bitch so publically and repeatedly for so long), even wearing ring gear with a giant “Push Me” button on them, this latest YouTube clip might be the sign that things are about to change.

A heel turn is the best course for Zack Ryder. He’s bottomed out as a face, there is literally nowhere further down for him to go without being released or relegated to NXT membership. One would also imagine that the merchandise train has probably dried up a bit since his downward slide began. And there have been absolutely no signs that WWE Creative has any interest in resurrecting the career of Long Island Iced Z. So, when you’re out of options as a face, there’s only one way to turn.

Pun definitely intended.

Now, this whole thing doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make it on TV. Hopefully, somewhere on the three hour death march that Raw has become lately, they can find 37 seconds to fit that video in and potentially revitalize one of their stale acts into something that could once again be worthwhile. But the important thing is that once again, Zack Ryder is taking his career into his own hands, trying to make himself relevant despite the odds, and if it fails, well, then he’ll be a heel jobber instead of a face one, so it’s not like he’ll have really lost at all. Better, I think, to try and possibly revitalize your career, with a chance to make more money, even if it’s only a slim chance, then accept your spot as a jobber and be one of those guys, every time WWE cleans house on contracts, who people say “how does he still have a job?”

– Bad news for TNA viewers in Canada, Spike TV has moved up to a higher premium level of cable package, so unless somebody wants to spot me twenty bucks a month towards my cable bill, that looks like it might be the end of Impact for me. How is Spike justifying becoming a “premium channel”? I was unaware being the exclusive home of CSI reruns and 1000 Ways To Die was considered high quality programming.

– Mick Foley has officially announced that he has retired as an active wrestler due to doctor’s orders. His Twitter was subsequently bombarded with questions about when he’s going to wrestle again.

– Daniel Bryan has officially won his Beard-Off with Oakland A’s outfield Josh Reddick, when Reddick conceded by shaving last week. Bryan’s next challenger is rumoured to be ZZ Top. I like his chances.

– The Rock may be completely out of SummerSlam plans due to starring in an upcoming big-budget Hercules movie. Oh no, they might have to find an actual wrestler to face Brock now!

– Speaking of which, CM Punk is reportedly out of booking plans until SummerSlam, although good money says he’ll be back before WWE Payback in Chicago. Oh yeah, and Chris Jericho is spending most of the summer touring with Fozzy. I guess what we’re sayin gis, we hope you really, really like seeing Ryback vs John Cena, because it might be going on for a while!

– John Morrison is holding a wrestling seminar in California this week. Topics to be covered include “How dynamite abs and highspots can cover up weak promo skills”, “Advanced Parkour”, and “When not to stick up for your slutty girlfriend”.

– It is reported that employees of New York and New Jersey made over 1.4 million dollars helping to set up and run WrestleMania XXIX. Unfortunately, this failed to impress anyone from that area, since by law, anything involving money must always be compared to Alex Rodriguez’s yearly salary.

– And TNA will be experimenting with a “Ref Cam” for future matches in order to…you know what, I’m not sure what the plan is. But I imagine it’ll make great “Everyone Talks Too Much” segments on future Botchamanias!

You know what, WWE was so boring this week that I managed to fall asleep during both Raw and Smackdown, pulling off a rare “two-fer”. Although investigators are looking into the Smackdown nap due to the fact it may have involved the use of sleep-enhancing drugs due to a shoulder injury. Anyway, Reverse Power Rankings!

999. 3MB I’m still curious why this stable was even created. I guess instead of having three separate guys in go-nowhere jobber roles, now you have one entire team of jobbers. It just seems odd to have a stable that does nothing but lose. I mean, they don’t even really exist as part of the tag division, which could probably use another team!

998. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles All right, let’s get this out of the way now. The KO Tag Titles are still recognized by TNA and listed along with the other active titles on the Impact Wrestling website, and thus, they will continue to be treated as such by me. So nyah.

997. Epico and Primo Lose to the midget, appear on the Reverse Power Rankings. I don’t make the rules, guys. Well, actually, I do, and that’s one of them. Sorry, I wish it could be different. And it could be, I suppose, if I wanted it to be. But I don’t.

996. Big E Langston Buddy, you are rivalling Bam Neely for worst bodyguard ever. You can’t even stop your guy from losing matches cleanly now that he’s the World Champion? I’m pretty sure that’s the first line in the description for “Heel Champion Bodyguard”. Let me see here…yep, there it is: “Exist to cause distractions or DQs to save title matches for heel champion”. It’s even underlined!

995. James Storm Hey, remember when this guy made his big return from soul searching with a burning fire to get revenge on his former partner and become the next TNA World Champion, and was the favourite to win the Bound For Glory Series in a fitting blowoff to a year-long storyline that would have propelled him to new heights? No? Okay, then.

994. Antonio Cesaro No offense, but you know they’ve forgotten about you when you lose your title to Kofi Kingston.

993. Wade Barrett I guess it’s slightly less humiliating to just lose cleanly to Kofi Kingston but get to keep your title. When did Kofi Kingston become a world-beater again? I smell double gold in his future!

992. WrestleMania XXIX Early (and probably unreliable) sources have used “scary” to describe the Mania buyrate, though I’m pretty confident it will still break a million thanks to the overseas numbers. Apparently booking a hugely successful WrestleMania might actually require more than half-assed booking, predictable finishes, and raising the price five dollars just before the event airs. Who knew?

991. Dueling Smackdown GMs Yes, turning Teddy Long heel, that will revitalize the product! Also, for reasons I can’t actually justify, just a feeling in my gut, I can’t help but feel like this might be leading up to an Ezekial Jackson return, and I don’t think any of us really want to see that.

990. The Miz Did he fall into a hole somewhere after losing to Barrett last week? Or did they send him off to do “promotional work” instead of putting him on TV again? You know, some weeks it seems like WWE would prefer it if Miz only did promo work and never wrestled again. I also can’t help but think that some fans might not mind that either.

Inactive List as of 04.15.13

WWE

– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th, 2012(foot)
– Christian, out indefinitely as of September 1st, 2012 (elbow)
– CM Punk, out indefinitely as of April 8th (R&R)
– Hunico, out indefinitely as of November 1st, 2012 (ACL)
– Sin Cara, day-to-day as of March 23 (concussion)
– Tyson Kidd, out 4-6 months as of January 10th (knee)

TNA

– Chris Sabin, out 6-9 months as of June 14th, 2012 (ACL)
– Madison Rayne, out indefinitely as of March 17th (pregnancy)

Transactions

– No reported transactions

WWE Champion: John Cena
– 15 day reign, defeated The Rock on April 7th (WrestleMania XXIX)

World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler
– 14 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on April 8th (Raw)
– Next title defense: vs Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio, Extreme Rules PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett
– 14 day reign, defeated The Miz on April 8th (Raw)

**NEW** WWE United States Champion: Kofi Kingston
– 7 day reign, defeated Antonio Cesaro on April 15th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Kane and Daniel Bryan
– 218 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and R-Truth on September 16th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Divas’ Champion: Kaitlyn
– 93 day reign, defeated Eve Torres on January 14th (Raw)

WWE NXT Champion: Big E Langston
– 103 day reign, defeated Seth Rollins on January 9th NXT

WWE NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville and Oliver Grey
– 68 day reign, defeated The Wyatt Family on February 13th NXT to become the inaugural champions

NOTE: NXT Title reigns only count what has aired on TV, not when changes occur at tapings.

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bully Ray
– 43 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on March 10th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA World Tag Team Champions: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez
– 4 day reign, defeated Austin Aries and Bobby Roode on April 11th (Impact)

TNA X-Division Champion: Kenny King
– 53 day reign, defeated Rob Van Dam on February 28th (Impact)

TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 137 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on December 6th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Velvet Sky
– 60 day reign, defeated former champion Tara, Gail Kim, and Miss Tessmacher in an Elimination Match on February 21st Impact

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 410 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th, 2012 (Impact)

Acero has The Wrestling 5&1.

Harder has The Professional 3.

Sarnecky has The Piledriver Report.

And this week’s After Dark was full of derision for WWE’s poor run of Raws post-Mania, plus an examination of what a potentially bad Mania buyrate could mean long-term. Also, we do some Over-Under and I mispronounce Fandango about sixteen times! Click the player to hear the latest episode or click the banner to access the archives!

Also, don’t forget to join the TWNE After Dark Facebook group.

Dragon Fantasy: Book One **COMING SOON**
Guacamelee!
BioShock Infinite
Dead or Alive 5 Plus
Generation of Chaos 6: Pandora’s Reflection
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable

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That’s our show, Marsico is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Also, don’t forget 4PC in the Games Zone on Wednesday, and the TWNE After Dark podcast on Wednesday, airing live at around 9:00 pm EDT on Spreaker.com, posted on 411 shortly thereafter.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy

He Thinks He’s Changing Buddy’s Diet This Week.
We’ll See About That.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.