The Heel Report: 05.02.13: In Shield We Trust

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who is wrestling’s overall top heel.

This is a place where the heels of wrestling can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them, so without further ado let’s get on with the report…

Weekly Top Ten

1st Place: The Shield

Destroying the Undertaker and getting a clean win over John Cena, the Shield are causing a massive stir in the WWE right now and they deserve to be at the top of the chart. I still can’t warrant splitting the three off into their own places as Dean Ambrose barely did anything on Smackdown without the help of his brethren. Usually I could find excuses to break away members to give them their own recognition, like with the Aces & 8s, but this group’s gimmick is precisely that they stick together like glue and so there really is little chance to give them individual spots as their attacks are all committed as one. Still I reckon soon that the three will start differentiating themselves, especially when they win the tag titles as two men will be a lot more involved in the other in their matches. I say when because it will happen, Team Hell No have run their course as the tag team champions and the Shield could do really well under Freebird rules, whether it will happen at Extreme Rules or not is another question, although I reckon they will, whether or not the match will have a stipulation and what it will be though is a mystery to me.

2nd Place: Mark Henry

It was a mixed bag for the World’s Strongest Man this week as he went from looking supremely dominant, to looking like a fool in the same program on two separate shows. First he ran the gauntlet on Main Event, defeating Jimmy and Jay Uso and then Santino before walking out on the Great Khali, who is still a jobber in his own right. Then much worse was his ‘tug of war’ contest on Raw where he out-pulled Sweet-T and Brodus Clay, only to fall on his arse and take a Brogue Kick from Sheamus, seriously how much of a heel is Sheamus? He is always jumping people from behind and cheap-shotting them in some way, sure it has been that way before with other guys, but it just seems a little weird since it is never really acknowledged on air. Anyway Henry still got a lot of air time and certainly the most ‘victories’ over opponents this week to warrant him second place on the chart, even if he did end his week not looking so good.

3rd Place: Wade Barrett

Barrett didn’t make too big an impact this week, but he did manage to beat fellow Brit William Regal in short fashion on Smackdown and defended his title against Bo Dallas on the NXT Night of Champions, which showed just how badly the WWE need to sort something out so that the show isn’t several weeks behind the main broadcast since the more they use people from the show and have on superstars from the main brand the more it is telling that the show is pre-taped, with small inconsistencies and full-blown mistakes being seen in characters and especially this week in title situations that really shouldn’t happen on what is the most professional of all the professional wrestling companies.

4th Place: Jack Swagger

I’m still waiting for the WWE to really lower the boom on the soon to be prosecuted Swagger, but as of yet they are still letting him win. This week he got a decisive victory over one of his opponents at Extreme Rules; Alberto Del Rio, and then smashed in Ryder’s face on Raw for good measure. For a myriad of reasons this Real American character seems to have already lost a lot of steam and run its course, which is a shame but it really all stems from it being Swagger’s fault for receiving a DUI, which probably had the WWE retreat from any provocation of the political blabber-mouths of which they were targeting before since they knew they would have been ripped apart on these shows for having Swagger on the show, I’m just surprised he is still in the title hunt at this point.

5th Place: Fandango

Well if it isn’t Mr. Fancy-pants himself. There is actually very little to say about Johnny Curtis this week apart from that it was more of the same and that he seems to be experimenting with different finishing manoeuvres, each having a certain flair that could work if he so chooses. I’m sort of glad Summer Rae was made Curtis’ permanent dance partner as she is hot and can wrestle somewhat, but she isn’t exactly the best dancer and so can’t carry Curtis if need be, but whatever.

6th Place: Bad Influence

For some reason the duo were bent on forging a Fourtune reunion this week on Impact, although whether or not it was all a ruse to cost the Greatest IT Factors their shot at the new tag team champions is beyond me. I have no idea why Chavo and Hernandez are champions again but I really do hope that we get more of Bad Influence vs. Greatest IT Factors as last week was priceless, with all the swallowing meat and gay innuendo, simple but effective.

7th Place: Bully Ray

Bully Ray would have come higher after that nasty looking 3D through the table, proving that TNA have realised that Team 3D are back together and they should be exploiting that, but his backing down from Hulk Hogan and then running from Sting hurt his standings somewhat. The fact that these two are still the main faces ‘fighting the good fight’ is kind of a joke and I am really hoping that it is all just filler before guys like Morgan and especially AJ step in. I’m thinking that is what TNA are aiming for but you never know with guys like Hogan and Sting.

8th Place: Antonio Cesaro

This is where things get difficult, I have chosen to reward Cesaro for his title match on NXT this week despite him having already lost the title before this match aired, but it is hard not to give credit for a great match when it is right there in front of your eyes. So I am giving Cesaro points for his match with Adrian Neville, despite existing in an alternate timeline where Cesaro has not been consigned to booking hell for what seems like no reason…and yes the picture is supposed to be ironic.

9th Place: Dolph Ziggler

Speaking of Cesaro, this man beat the man that he faces for the US title on Main Event, and while Kofi looked good in his match with Ziggler I think it leaves us all scratching our heads as to why the WWE decide to book matches like this where both men need to look strong off of their title wins and should really be against guys who have absolutely nothing to lose by jobbing to them, there certainly are enough guys in that position in the WWE, so why not use them here?

10th Place: AJ

Again some inconsistency here as the day after AJ became the number one contender for the Divas title she is given a title match with Kaitlyn, now if the WWE had somehow covered this to have it make sense then it would have worked, but as it is they ignored it and now it serves to undermine her need to win the Battle Royal in the first place, or we are just saying that she magically gets two shots at the title despite losing clean on NXT to her former best friend. Argh WWE, pay attention to your own programming will you?

(Week 91):

1. Dolph Ziggler (304)

2. Robert Roode (303)

3. C.M. Punk (288)

4. Alberto Del Rio (281)

5. Daniel Bryan (274)

6. The Big Show (267)

7. Cody Rhodes (267)

8. Mark Henry (247)

9. Bully Ray (230)

10. Austin Aries (201)

The Wright View:

The King: The Real Dinosaur of the WWE

Seriously this week the King just went crazy with his sexist material that showed that all those academic papers on the WWE being misogynistic and hegemonic in its portrayal of gender and masculinity to an impressionable audience are completely right, even though most times for the most part they are actually complete bollocks. In a week where we have seen the first openly gay athlete we have the King making jokes about wife beating and rape and thinking it is hilarious. Now I pretty much can find anything funny, but context will always be important for a joke and when you are just casually throwing out these jokes as if there is nothing controversial about them then it presents a certain type of atmosphere to the viewer and it is certainly not a female or family-friendly one, and at this point I thought that is what the WWE were going for above all else, this was the same show with all those Make-a-Wish kids lest we forget. If King’s jokes are okay then why does Cena feel the need to edit himself like he has stated so many times? It wasn’t so bad back in the attitude era and early 2000s where King was a heel and you could explain everything he said away as being ‘the wrong view’, but now what is the excuse? Also he is generally just rubbish now.

Cheap Pops:

Stephen Randle starts the week with The Wrestling News Experience

Nick Marsico adds to your knowledge with The Tuesday Communique

And finally the 411 Staff have The Wrestler of the Week

Wade Barrett on Saturday Morning Slam – Wade Barrett made the most of his time on commentary, as most of the superstars do on SMS. With great sarcastic lines like “The Great Khali moves like a cat” and then promoting his agility when the Punjabi Giant is lumbering about the ring, Barrett showed that he could have fun at the announce desk and is entertaining even when he has no real agenda out there, remind me why this guy hasn’t won a world title yet?