wrestling / Columns
The Wrestling News Experience: 05.27.13
Monday, May 27th, 2013
From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!
Written Before A Live Audience Of House Pets
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and this column is totally interactive with your television. By which I mean, you can conceivably watch TV while you read this. I don’t know why you’d want to try and do two things at once, though, it’ll just divide your attention and you’ll end up giving neither its proper due. Quick, show them the motion capture dog before anyone questions the strategy!
Subtle, ain’t I?
I also want to mention that the new season of Arrested Development on Netflix has me thinking that maybe I should finally actually watch the old seasons of Arrested Development on Netflix. And before you come to me all high and mighty with “I can’t believe you never watched the show it is civilization!” you should probably remember that people not watching it was a big reason why it got cancelled the first time. Well, that and the people at Fox are gigantic idiots.
I apologize for using Family Guy to make my point, but it was the easiest way.
Moving on.
Last week, Curtis Axel was revealed as the newest addition to Paul Heyman’s client list, and it wasn’t long before he found himself in conflict with Triple H, who has had many run-ins with Heyman’s other guys is the past, most notably Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules. After putting himself in a match with the upstart Axel, Triple H ended the night by collapsing suddenly at ringside, having aggravated injuries he suffered against Lesnar. Triple H is not expected to be around tonight, but I imagine Paul Heyman will have things to say.
Plus, The Shield has continued their domination over WWE, defeating the team of Hell No and Kofi Kingston on Raw, then finishing up the week with a victory over Kingston, Orton, and Sheamus on Smackdown. But it’s the taunting of Daniel Bryan during their match on Monday that may provide the most intrigue; after hearing relentless chants that he’s the weak link of the team last Monday, has Bryan allowed the words of his enemies to unhinge him just a little too much?
And John Cena will be in attendance, likely showing no ill effects from being stretchered off at Extreme Rules (after all, he never even made it into the ambulance that night), in order to respond to Ryback’s demands for an Ambulance Match at Payback. I bet he says yes.
Meanwhile, Wade Barrett continues to have problems with both The Miz and Fandango. I only wish there was some sort of match format that would allow all three men to compete against each other somehow. Plus, Kaitlyn’s got a boyfriend and no idea who he might be, and is this the week that World Champion Dolph Ziggler can finally at least return to television, if not action? Find out tonight, on Raw!
Plus, Raw is live from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and after Raw goes off the air, it will be Bret Hart Appreciation Night, airing on The Score only in Canada. Because we’re awesome.
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
Or, you do succeed at your goal, but then get buried so hard that you might as well have failed…
I’ll grant you, it’s not one of the more well-known motivational sayings. Seems appropriate, though.
Reality Show
So, it’s been a week, and I’m still perturbed by WWE running back-to-back “real” injury angles involving John Cena and Triple H during Extreme Rules and Raw, respectively. And after enough time to reflect, I think I’ve narrowed it down to what irritated me. Let’s break down the list:
3. The Finishes – Ending a Last Man Standing Match with a No Contest, not even a draw, especially when one Superstar did walk away under his own power, is an absurdity, but hey, it’s easily explained because they’re bad writers. Ending Raw with the Triple H angle was less absurd, but certainly didn’t help Curtis Axel one bit. We’ll talk about that more in the next bit.
2. Going Back To The Well – Why the hell did they run two similar angles on back-to-back nights? Did they have absolutely no idea how to write Triple H off TV? Wouldn’t a beatdown from the debuting Curtis Axel have served the same purpose without forcing us through a second consecutive night of fake doctors and bad acting and pretending that what was happening was real? Ah, yes, this brings us to the big problem.
1. The Unreality of Reality – It’s wrestling. If you see it on TV, and the announcers keep talking and the camera doesn’t cut away, guess what, it’s a work. In addition, there have been very real and tragic incidents on WWE TV where everyone broke character and the script went out of the window, and the announce team eventually directly addressed the home audience to inform them what was going on, using very real and serious voices. Which is why, when they co-opt that atmosphere for a freaking worked injury angle, I get fairly pissed off. Because wrestling isn’t reality TV. What you’re watching isn’t real. It’s a scripted show and nothing will ever change that. When it suddenly becomes real, I want to know that. I don’t want to have to ask “is this an angle” when Jerry Lawler is being given CPR feet away from the announce table because Michael Cole is using the same serious voice he uses to address John Cena being stretchered off after a goofy spot in a gimmick match. Because, mark my words, there were people who said that.
I’m not saying don’t take things seriously. If WWE wants to run injury angles, go right ahead. Hell, if they want to run a “Triple H is such a manly man that he pushed himself too far with a concussion and collapsed”, by all means, do it. Be as serious as you want to be. Bring all the fake doctors to help Triple H to the back that you can afford. Have the announcers talk up “brave Triple H” and decry that bastard Brock Lesnar for concussing him non-stop. Just stop trying to make people believe that this time it’s real. Because, god forbid, sometimes it will be, and that’s reality. But Raw is a show. And there’s a big difference.
The Genesis of Curtis Axel
Make no mistake about it, WWE fumbled the re-debut of Joe Hennig, aka Michael McGillicutty, aka Curtis Axel, the newest Paul Heyman guy (and, sadly, the only one actually on TV right now). While sending him out there against Triple H may make some logical sense given Triple H’s issues with Brock Lesnar, in the end, nothing about Axel’s first night in his new gimmick did anything to help him. He was treated like a joke when Triple H hit the ring for a promo and told him “the adults are talking”, and then he was given a disrespectful slap that knocked him on his ass. During the main event match, Axel looked decent when he was on offense, but the finish took the spotlight entirely off him and put it squarely on the semi-retired COO. In fact, once Triple H began his “wobbly” act outside the ring, Axel never appeared on camera again and essentially disappeared into the ethers. Not exactly a shining moment in his new career.
Now, obviously there’s going to be an effort made. You don’t associate a guy with Paul Heyman at this stage if you don’t have, at least in theory, big plans for his future. Being the “third man” in a stable containing Lesnar and CM Punk is slightly more important of a role than the third member of 3MB (for example). Axel is, by all accounts, a good wrestler (given his bloodline, you’d hope some ability would transfer, but then, Ted DiBiase Jr continues to put the lie to that one) who suffers when given a microphone, which is exactly what managers like Paul Heyman are for.
Okay, that wasn’t strictly necessary, but some people might not have seen it yet, and they need to suffer alongside the rest of us.
Anyway, if that wasn’t enough, news has filtered down that none other than Triple H is behind Axel’s renewed push. As HHH gains more and more power over day-to-day operations in WWE, his stamp of approval is a pretty big deal. So, Curtis Axel is definitely being given the tools he will need to have any chance of succeeding in his new role.
Of course, that’s no guarantee. Just ask the guy across the ring from Axel on Smackdown last week. He was a huge deal getting a big push with Triple H’s full support behind him once too.
This guy. Remember him?
– The first official buyrate for WrestleMania XXIX is out of WWE’s own lips, and it’s…just over a million. Which means I was right when I said that in Over/Under on After Dark. Also, while a far cry from the 1.3 million they claimed to be shooting for, it’s still one of the top five buyrates in Mania history. Plus they raised the PPV price five bucks, so they made even more money. Dammit, they win again.
– According to an updated WWE investor presentation document, the #1 demographic during the Road to WrestleMania is, in fact, the 50+ age group, who make up over a third of the viewing audience. Apparently a lot of older people fall asleep with the TV on after Jeopardy.
– And how about the under-18 demo, aka “the fans WWE is attempting to market to”? Why, they were the smallest viewing audience, with just over 20%. Man, they must buy a lot of Cena shirts or something.
– Hulk Hogan tweeted this weekend that he was forced into an emergency room visit while on his boat, after the radiator exploded, giving him serious burns and massive blisters on his hand. Pictures are available elsewhere, and are not for the faint of heart. See, Cena? That’s how you sell a serious injury. No “popping off the gurney before you even make it to the ambulance” crap.
How do you top a night where you won two title matches? Why, you go out the next night and have one of the best matches of the year, of course. And then you follow it up with another victory on Smackdown. Can anything stop The Shield? I say “hopefully not John Cena”. |
||
Oh, he’s going crazy, now. Which you would think might imply a heel turn, but he’s also one of the highlights of WWE, the best currently active wrestler, and the crowd loves him. Of course, they also loved to hate him, so I guess whatever gets him a push is all gravy. |
||
The parallels to “Sting vs The nWo” are so obvious that there’s no point to even mentioning them. But if AJ is going to be the hero that TNA needs, then I approve, because he’s carried TNA so many times over the last decade that he should be the guy who overcomes what has actually been a horrible year or so for him as a wrestler (unlike, say, a certain yellow-shirted guy who claimed to have a bad year) to take out the Aces and Eights at Bound For Glory. |
||
Disappointing return aside, we’ll be watching young Hennig’s career with great interest, indeed. Although I still hate the beard. The mountain man look just isn’t cool anymore, guys. Actually, was it ever cool? |
||
Probably the only time you’ll ever get to compare Wyatt to The Undertaker, because he broke his nose in a match, so they gave him a protective mask, and much like Taker, it only served to make him more intimidating. This gimmick is the most creative thing I’ve seen out of WWE in a long time, which makes me wonder why they continue to leave it sitting in NXT. Although it has guaranteed that I watch NXT every week, so maybe it’s not a bad thing. |
||
He always gets him comeuppance, but anyone who works an actual Gordian Knot into a wrestling promo is a man who I will support 100%. Extra points are also awarded for laughing gleefully as he rolled out of the ring to avoid a Brogue Kick. Seriously, Sheamus, you have to stop attacking people every time they prove themselves superior to you. You’re really starting to look like a dick. |
||
I thought his promo was long and he lost his train of thought a couple of times, but hopefully this is a sign of WWE increasingly moving away from fully scripted promos and letting guys go out there and talk. It wasn’t a classic by any means, but Ryback looked more natural and comfortable than he has at any point since his debut, and that ain’t not no bad thing. |
||
The former El Generico makes his much-anticipated NXT debut and…well, I can see why he wore a mask for so long. But he did impress, beating both Curt Hawkins and Antonio Cesaro in the same night, and that gives me hope that he’s got a very high ceiling ahead of him. |
||
He beat the #1 Contender to the World Title like it was nothing. I assume part of that was because Ziggler still can’t get on a plane and be there, but still, he did beat Alberto Del Rio. |
||
Buddy, if you can pull this off a second time, you deserve some sort of medal or something. Most people wouldn’t have bothered to try it once, and even less would have tried again after seeing the results of your first attempt. |
||
Inactive List as of 05.13.13
WWE
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th, 2012(foot)
– Christian, out indefinitely as of September 1st, 2012 (elbow)
– CM Punk, out indefinitely as of April 8th (R&R)
– Dolph Ziggler, day-to-day as of May 7th (concussion)
– Hunico, out indefinitely as of November 1st, 2012 (ACL)
– Tyson Kidd, out 4-6 months as of January 10th (knee)
TNA
– James Storm, day-to-day as of May 9th (torn abdominal)
– Madison Rayne, out indefinitely as of March 17th (pregnancy)
– Zema Ion, out indefinitely as of May 17th (appendectomy)
Transactions
– Enzo Amore, NXT, made NXT television debut on May 22nd
– Gunner, TNA, returned to television on May 23rd Impact
– Jack Swagger’s Push, WWE, out indefinitely as of May 20th
– Mark Henry, WWE, day-to-day as of May 20th (shoulder)
– Michael McGillicutty, WWE, gimmick change to Curtis Axel, made re-debut on May 20th Raw
– Roman Reigns, WWE, day-to-day as of May 21st (ankle)
– Sami Zayn (El Generico), NXT, made NXT television debut on May 22nd
WWE Champion: John Cena
– 50 day reign, defeated The Rock on April 7th (WrestleMania XXIX)
– Next title defense: vs Ryback, Ambulance Match, Payback PPV
World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler
– 49 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on April 8th (Raw)
– Next title defense: vs Alberto Del Rio, date undetermined
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett
– 49 day reign, defeated The Miz on April 8th (Raw)
WWE United States Champion: Dean Ambrose
– 8 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on May 19th (Extreme Rules PPV)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns
– 8 day reign, defeated Kane and Daniel Bryan on May 19th (Extreme Rules PPV)
WWE Divas’ Champion: Kaitlyn
– 128 day reign, defeated Eve Torres on January 14th (Raw)
– Next title defense: vs AJ Lee, date undetermined
WWE NXT Champion: Big E Langston
– 138 day reign, defeated Seth Rollins on January 9th NXT
WWE NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family
– 19 day reign, defeated Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas (subbing for Oliver Grey) on May 8th NXT
NOTE: NXT Title reigns only count what has aired on TV, not when changes occur at tapings.
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Bully Ray
– 78 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on March 10th (Lockdown PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Sting, Slammiversary PPV
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez
– 39 day reign, defeated Austin Aries and Bobby Roode on April 11th (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs Bad Influence, Aries and Roode, and Storm and Gunner, Slammiversary PPV
TNA X-Division Champion: Kenny King
– 88 day reign, defeated Rob Van Dam on February 28th (Impact)
TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 172 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on December 6th (Impact)
**NEW** TNA Knockouts Champion: Mickie James
– 4 day reign, defeated Velvet Sky on May 23rd Impact
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 445 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th, 2012 (Impact)
De Marco has The Wrestling 5&1.
Harder has The Professional 3.
Schroeder has WWE RPI Rankings.
Dino has Smart Marks.
And the latest episode of After Dark featured more talk about Curtis Axel, WWE’s odd decision to run two “real” injury angles inside of twenty-four hours, bad finishes, and an Extreme Rules Report Card. Click the player!
Also, don’t forget to join the TWNE After Dark Facebook group, for updates on show airtimes and potential discussion topics, and more!
Plus, last week’s Co-operative Multiplayer featured five 411 Staffers talking about all sorts of topics related to the X-Box One reveal that occurred last Tuesday, including what we dubbed the “Three Elephants In The Room”, the potential of the system, and looking ahead to E3. Plus we go off topic on a regular basis, because that’s what we do. Click the player!
Hakuoki: Warriors of the Shinsengami **COMING SOON**
Call of Juarez: Gunslinger **COMING SOON**
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
Dragon Fantasy: Book One
Guacamelee!
BioShock Infinite
Dead or Alive 5 Plus
Generation of Chaos 6: Pandora’s Reflection
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable
411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 8 pm EDT.
From our promotional department, I’ve been informed that if you really do like 411Mania and all it provides, or even just me (and really, who doesn’t like me), don’t forget to bookmark the site in your browser or make 411 your homepage, and tell all your friends about how awesome 411 is.
And don’t forget, you can follow all of the everyday goings on in 411 on Twitter.
Stephen’s Twitter
http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma
That’s our show, Marsico is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Also, don’t forget Co-op Multiplayer this Tuesday at midnight EDT on Spreaker.com, 4PC in the Games Zone on Wednesday, and the TWNE After Dark podcast on Wednesday, airing live at around 9:00 pm EDT on Spreaker.com, posted on 411 shortly thereafter.
Here it is, your Moment of Buddy
They Wanted To Motion Capture Buddy,
But Nobody Would Volunteer To Try And Put The Suit On Him.
Didn’t Someone Write A Fable About This?
Have a good one, and always be a fan.
