The Heel Report 09.04.13: World’s Largest Gas Attendant

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who is wrestling’s overall top heel, after 100 weeks naming the reigning wrestler a ‘Heel Centurion’.

This is a place where the heels of wrestling can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them (or in other words the smarkiest chart of smarkdom ever to smark), so without further ado let’s get on with the report…

1st Place: HHH

For the first time in a long time someone has managed to stay at the top of the weekly chart for three weeks in a row. That type of dominance shows just how well this Corporation 2.0 gimmick is going, since its creation HHH and his champion have been the focus of the heel world, the only danger here is that it might become too much about them and not enough about a triumphant Daniel Bryan. This is often the case with promising wrestling angles though, the original goal gets lost in the turmoil of providing weekly entertainment that is constantly subject to change; therefore maybe we should just enjoy the good aspects that come out of this angle as it develops week to week. I especially enjoyed HHH’s addressing of the Miz, as well as his pondering about bringing back the Cruiserweight or European titles; unfortunately I don’t see him even joking about bringing back the Hardcore title any time soon.

2nd Place: Randy Orton

The best thing about the Orton heel turn is that since that time he has actually started to care about his own character again. For a long time I was a Randy Orton fan and I never bought into this idea that he is boring, over the last few years he has clearly been uninspired in his character, but that doesn’t mean he is actually lacking in personality. Already little glimmers are starting to peek out, like in his match with the Miz, back-dropping him onto a barricade on the outside, as well as getting much more verbal in the ring, barking out orders to the Shield and whatnot. Orton is capable of being pretty sadistic and this new corporate angle of doing ‘what’s best for business’ only adds to that. While I still want Daniel Bryan to climb the mountain by the end of all this, I’m starting to be more okay with Orton being champ until that day arrives.

3rd Place: Stephanie McMahon

Speaking of characters who up until a few weeks ago were annoying as hell and now could be counted among the best heels in the business currently, Stephanie McMahon once again delivered a fantastic promo against the Big Show. The passive-aggressive fakery of this new corporation is great, acting as if they are lending a helping hand while really they are slapping you in the face. It was also good to see the WWE mention Big Show’s ‘Iron Clad’ contract, although I do think they could have handled it better since I’m pretty sure there was a point in all that Johnny Ace stuff where Show claimed that he could stay at home every week and still get paid, so really they should have made out that the contract was void in some other legal McGuffin way. Still the whole thing with Big Show being broke and needing to provide for his family, especially since he probably doesn’t have that much time left in the business, was a nice possible blurring of the lines that helps make stuff like this seem all the more real (also is it me or is this whole thing a bit of a Walter White situation, Michael Cole also mentioned ‘Breaking Bad’ during Punk’s promo so maybe one of the McMahons finally got round to watching the series and were like ‘this is the best shit ever, let’s do that!’). Then there was that hug to end everything, as if she actually cares and is not just a manipulative bitch, but everyone apart from the Big Show can see that it is not the case, good stuff.

4th Place: Dean Ambrose

Call it favouritism but I am giving Ambrose his own spot above his Shield brethren, mainly due to his solo attack on Ziggler before his match with Ryback, further going to support the notion that he will be Ambrose’s next opponent for the US title. Part of me thinks that Ziggler should get better than the US title, but then again when you look at it from a storyline perspective, Ziggler taking the title away from Ambrose would probably actually mean more than getting the World title from Del Rio at this point, so maybe it actually is the better route at the moment.

5th Place: Rollins & Reigns

With Big Show seemingly with the Corporation, if by force, and Mark Henry injured, although apparently not seriously, you have to wonder if they actually will be challenging these two for their tag team titles. While Ambrose is somewhat playing up the importance of his US title, the tag team gold is still pretty much an afterthought and with the Shield arguably reduced to being the Corporation’s lapdogs who knows when, or even if, the titles will become any sort of focus again.

6th Place: Ryback

Add this guy to the list of those working closely with the new management. I am glad for Big Hungry though as being a bully is a fine gimmick and it has led to some entertaining backstage segments, but without any real storyline where was it going to lead? Now his bullying ways can be utilised and it is understandable why he would want to wrestle someone who has just been attacked, or in a handicap match or whatever; because he is a douche who likes to pick on people weaker than him.

7th Place: Bully Ray

The TNA champion seems to have his walls closing around him a little thinner every week as last week he lost his brother in that elimination tag match and then this week there were definite stirrings from his Aces & 8s brother Anderson, as well as losing any personal ties to the Hogan family with a very convenient set of divorce papers. Also when you think about it all he got for this was a washed up MMA fighter and a chick that admittedly looks good in leather hot-pants, but that’s a about it. Not too good.

8th Place: Paul Heyman

Heyman was not looking for forgiveness on Smackdown and had massive beef on Monday Night Raw. While some might argue that HHH going against Heyman causes some confusion I actually like that the heels aren’t all buddy-buddy now just because they are such and that personal animosity is getting in the way of things. Also you have to remember that while Punk and HHH butted heads a couple of years ago it was never anything too serious and Punk himself has been far too distracted with Heyman to go after the new corrupt COO, so from a kayfabe viewpoint it makes all the sense in the world to keep Punk occupied, and not screw him over protecting Heyman. Also how many times in the recent past did Heyman insult HHH and his family? And hell let’s not forget that even Brad Maddox was rubbed the wrong way by Heyman before. The noose is tightening on Heyman for all of his bullshit and his monster isn’t around to protect him, will Punk get his revenge at Night of Champions? I don’t really see it, but then who knows where this angle is going after this, so maybe it should come to a head here, perhaps to be reignited at a later date if neither Punk nor Brock has anything to do at Wrestlemania, after all their potential opponents aren’t exactly active competitors in the WWE right now.

9th Place: Bray Wyatt

Somehow the WWE managed to use a classical reference in the form of the myth of Icarus and have it be apt, at least to a degree. Wyatt’s promo shows exactly why this character has legs, I’m just not sure where it all fits in with the Corporation 2.0. This is why the brand split would be good right now, because the Wyatt Family could own Smackdown, without it having to complicate the events on Raw every week. As it is they are reduced to meaningless squash matches to fill time before they find an actual program to work with, aside from asking ‘Where’s Kane?’ of course.

10th Place: Tyler Breeze

While I am not exactly a fan of using a cell phone as an offensive weapon, which ranks right up there with water bottle in my books, I do have a growing appreciation for Tyler Breeze, whose character is so ridiculous that he makes Fandango look like Randy Orton. This male model is full into his role and even has the Derek Zoolander ‘Blue Steel’ look and the silly voice down to pat, and that is appreciated, also his theme music is catchy as hell.

(Week 008)

1. AJ Lee (32)

2. Alberto Del Rio (32)

3. Bully Ray (30)

4. HHH (30)

5. Dean Ambrose (27)

6. Randy Orton (25)

7. Bray Wyatt (25)

8. Damien Sandow (23)

9. Paul Heyman (22)

10. Ryback (19)

Heel Centurions: