The Heel Report: 09.19.13: Bed, Bath and Beyond

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who is wrestling’s overall top heel, after 100 weeks naming the reigning wrestler a ‘Heel Centurion’.

This is a place where the heels of wrestling can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them (or in other words the smarkiest chart of smarkdom ever to smark), so without further ado let’s get on with the report…

1st Place: Randy Orton

The former WWE champion still manages to come top of the chart despite losing the belt to Daniel Bryan at Night of Champions. His loss was actually a pretty interesting swerve as it showed that his place as ‘the face of the WWE’ was not all that secure really, plus none of us were really expecting it, and yet I have no real problem with what went down as either way Bryan got screwed in the end and having him have a slightly longer taste of being WWE champion is great because it feels like a step by step process now and if he actually does manage to get a hold of the belt once again the length of his run will be even more important. Along with the loss at Night of Champions though, Orton managed to take things to a new level on Raw with the prompting of Stephanie McMahon, where he destroyed the Miz in front of his home town and his parents. This really was old school Viper and it is pretty interesting that the Corporation 2.0 would actually want that guy around considering that he was pretty darn hard to control for a heel and all but took out the whole McMahon family before he was done. Whatever happens next this has made the Orton character more interesting and places him outside of being more than just a corporate stooge, which could lead to all sorts of new developments.

2nd Place: Bully Ray

How does a champion who loses his title and takes someone out come ahead of a champion who retains and then takes his opponent out? Well apart from anything else it is a matter of airtime, Orton appeared on three shows in one week and the Bully was only on one, even if it was a ‘PPV’ edition. What’s more the Bully spent a lot of his match getting wailed on and so didn’t accumulate all that many points through aggression and nothing really to speak of through promo skills. Still his win and actions after the match were enough to land him in second place, especially after delivering a piledriver to his opponent and former Aces & 8s brother Mr Anderson on the stage. The moment itself was pretty dramatic but somewhat marred by the fact that there was barely any real build to the match and while many people probably appreciate not having to pay for it, some of the importance is diminished by these events happening on ‘PPV’ editions of Impact, especially since they only decide to advertise them a couple of weeks before they air.

3rd Place: Paul Heyman

In all my years of watching wrestling I don’t think I have ever seen such a strange sight, as Paul Heyman kissing Ryback on the cheek, it was just surreal and it was brilliant. Unlike with the whole Orton situation I think most people saw Heyman finding some kind of way to get out of this situation, however I don’t think anyone thought the way he got out of this would be through the Ryback. There is nothing wrong with Ryback aligning with Heyman as it gives him more presence and Axel needs some actual backup in the ring. However there is something a little jarring in the kayfabe mindset over why it couldn’t be Brock coming to save Paul, sure we all know the backstage reasons why, but why have rump when you can have sirloin, so sure the Ryback is a good replacement while Lesnar collects his money and sits at home, but it is getting harder and harder to suspend my disbelief as to exactly why Lesnar, who is always portrayed as a hungry animal, wouldn’t jump at the chance to inflict pain to people on a weekly basis.

4th Place: The Shield

Somehow all the members of the Shield have their belts, which is actually pretty much the best thing that could have happened as now it becomes even more about the titles. The Shield as a group have started losing pretty frequently, it’s not about beating them anymore, and yet they are still a force to be reckoned with, and a force with a purpose. Sure on Monday there were a number of individuals who took down the group, but don’t think that they won’t be back to their bullying ways come next week. The force that the Shield have become has not diminished through losses or being ‘chased off’, but it is possible that they might be taken down a peg if their titles are taken away from them, once again this is all kayfabe mentality but surely that is all that a title’s importance is built on anyway in the end so it works, now we just have to get someone saying as much while they chase the group for their belts.

5th Place: Stephanie McMahon

Like Heyman’s cheek kiss I’m pretty sure that last Monday night’s Raw was the first time I have ever seen anyone present a wrestler with a gift card of any kind, especially one for Bed, Bath & Beyond. Sending out Stephanie to talk to Dusty was a great idea and like with the handling of the Big Show the ability to launch an emotional attack rather than a physical confrontation is something that the old corporation couldn’t really do. By giving Dusty ‘Sophie’s Choice’, followed by Big Show’s own moral dilemma, the WWE is actually presenting compelling television that can be conveyed even to those who generally find the product laughable, which is a hell of a lot of people.

6th Place: Curtis Axel

Who would have thought that the IC champion would pull double duty at Night of Champions? Although it was a good decision since the title really should have been defended but there really is no reason to give it to Punk, so Kofi getting a match for the belt, even if he was unsuccessful, was really the best thing that could have happened. I am just concerned now that Axel will be taking a backseat to Ryback now that he is the newest Paul Heyman guy.

7th Place: AJ Lee

Ah the woman with the mystical power to control headsets, she also managed to defend her divas title at Night of Champions in a fatal four way and it pretty was the best decision. After all the other three all are lacking in something and as long as she has the belt the ‘total divas’ can be united against her rather than going against each other, because lord knows on that show if one girl gets something then the others all have to hate her for no good reason other than ‘feminine jealousy’.

8th Place: Ryback

The Ryback managed to become much more relevant in one move, of course that move was ramming C.M. Punk into a table and having Paul Heyman cover him to become the new ‘Best in the World’. You have to love his whole ‘I hate bullies’ while being a bully thing, because hypocrites are always fun.

9th Place: HHH

The king of heels lost his crown this week after for the most part pulling the whole ‘I’m generally a nice guy’ shtick and being pretty reasonable for the most part. Although on Raw obviously he was behind the whole ‘fast count’ debacle, but in such a way that you really couldn’t pin it on him, so he can only get a certain amount of points for that. The whole thing was very clean and much smarter than what could have happened in terms of a Shield interference or what not, and in the end that will make him a better overall heel authority figure.

10th Place: Alberto Del Rio

Still the world champion, through the means of getting himself disqualified, so this feud continues, which kind of sucks in my opinion as I am still on the whole ‘Ziggler should be champion’ thing, but whatever man as RVD would say.

(Week 010)

1. Randy Orton (44)

2. Bully Ray (43)

3. AJ Lee (42)

4. HHH (42)

5. Paul Heyman (35)

6. Dean Ambrose (34)

7. Alberto Del Rio (34)

8. Ryback (29)

9. Damien Sandow (25)

10. Bray Wyatt (25)

Heel Centurions: