The Wrestling News Experience: 10.28.13

Monday, October 28th, 2013

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

Available For Weddings And Bar Mitzvahs

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, running my new week of consecutive columns without missing a week to two. But in the meantime, here’s last week as a Toronto Maple Leafs fan: beat two of the best teams in the league convincingly, get embarrassed by one of the worst. Well, I suppose at least it wasn’t the other way around. If they actually make the playoffs this year, are we allowed to stop pretending that advanced stats are some sort of magical be-all and end-all? I’m not saying that it’ll happen, I’m just getting tired of everyone telling me that by all logic, the Leafs can’t possibly be 8-4. If sports were played on paper, wouldn’t the Blue Jays be winning the World Series right now according to pre-season predictions?

Moving on.

Slimmer had the official live coverage.

In case you hadn’t heard, the pre-show match was changed at the last minute after Curtis Axel suffered an injury. Can we count that as two times that a timely injury has helped Axel’s IC Title reign? Fandango’s concussion put him in the match where he won it, and the smart money was on Big E taking it from him here.

Do you know, watching Foley’s two falls in the second Hell in a Cell never gets easier for me? Every time I flinch noticeably.

The Rhodes Brothers © vs The Usos vs The Shield – Triple Threat Match – WWE Tag Team Championship

Add me to the list of people who hate the mash-up. Hey, I just thought of something, it’s yet another tag title reign for Cody with a different tag partner.

Wonderful, Cole explains the rules for how the match works, which then are completely wrong as apparently we’re only doing two men in the ring at a time instead of three. He’s got a script, right?

Huh, they apparently moved Big E onto the PPV, facing Dean Ambrose for the US Title instead. Maybe he wasn’t going to win after all.

Question: if all Triple Threat matches are No DQ, as Cole says, why does anyone bother tagging?

Of course, at the time he said it, he was also misidentifying who the legal man was, so maybe I shouldn’t use Cole as my source of information.

I think the best part of Cody’s face turn, besides making him really relevant, is that he’s getting to show off how many flashy wrestling moves he can do.

Samoan Drops are now “shades of The Rock”?

HOLY SHIT. Cody Superplexed Rollins from the top rope to the cluster of wrestlers on the floor. That’s just crazy.

The Rhodes Brothers defeated The Shield and The Usos to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship (Cody pinned Rollins, CrossRhodes)

Really good to hear Cody getting massive face pops, too.

Oh, hey, it’s The Miz. That means I can write other parts of the column.

Hey, Miz, what are the chances that Bray actually leaves the hillbillies behind? Because I’m thinking the chances are good that you’re about to catch a beating.

The crowd, of course, is hip to the room and starts chanting for Kane. And there he is…which guarantees he’s going to attack Miz.

Well, I was mostly right. At least it kills any chance of some wacky Kane-Miz team that would make me die inside just a little.

Fandango and Summer Rae vs The Great Khali and Natalya

JBL and Cole rattle off names of people I’ve never heard of, who I must assume are dancers of some sort. You know, I don’t think the crossover audience in this case is as huge as you might think, guys.

Is it sad that I knew by process of elimination that this had to be Khali and Natalya before it was announced? There’s literally no other male-female team on the entire roster!

If either Hell in a Cell match is deemed to be five minutes shorter than they should be, I bet I know who gets the blame. Well, at least they’re letting two of the women on the roster who can actually work have a PPV match. What kind of world do we live in where two of the best female wrestlers in WWE are valets, and the Bellas are the legitimate Divas title contenders?

Fandango and Summer Rae defeated The Great Khali and Natalya (Summer Rae pinned Natalya, rollup)

That…actually wasn’t horrible.

Dean Ambrose © vs Big E Langston – WWE United States Championship

I’m enjoying the story of this match. Big E starts out strong, so Ambrose goes sneaky and tactical because he can’t stand up to Langston directly. But the minute Ambrose screws up, he gets floored, and he knows it.

I didn’t see how, but Langston is bleeding under his eye. That looks nasty. On replay, looks like Ambrose basically hit Big E’s cheek with his mouth open during a charge.

Yeah, that finish actually made sense. Ambrose didn’t just walk away and get counted out, he got speared off the apron to the floor and was basically too loopy to even stand up until 8, at which point he just didn’t get back in.

Big E Langston defeated Dean Ambrose by Count-Out. Ambrose retains the US Title.

CM Punk vs Paul Heyman and Ryback – Hell in a Cell Match

Um, could they maybe teach that scissor lift operator how to drive before doing this live on PPV?

Well, I guess Paul’s not afraid of heights. Good to know ahead of time that at some point, this match is ending up on top of the Cell. I guess.

This match isn’t bad…but it’s not very good, either. They need to be using more plunder than just a kendo stick. Go full WWE 2000 Hardcore Division in there, with fake garbage cans and fire extinguishers and bowling balls and all that other stuff that lives under the ring for no reason.

Kind of an anticlimactic finish, too. Maybe the reports that Ryback is in the doghouse are true.

CM Punk defeated Ryback and Paul Heyman in a Hell in a Cell Match (Punk pinned Ryback, G2S)

For some reason, I don’t think Punk planned how he was going to bring the kendo stick up the Cell ahead of time.

Much like last month, Heyman is again clearly wearing a flak jacket. And again, I can’t blame him.

Hey, yeah, the “Yes” chant really did start in Miami. I’d forgotten. Well, that dovetails nicely, doesn’t it?

Los Matadores vs The Real Americans

JBL continues to believe that El Torito is both Rey Mysterio (or possibly his cousin), and also a real bull. He doesn’t have to make sense, he’s rich!

This match pales in comparison to JBL asserting that the only man in a mask who wasn’t a criminal was the Lone Ranger, followed by Cole and King rattling off the names of superheroes. Although, both Batman and Green Arrow are vigilantes, therefore, by the letter of the law, they are criminals.

So between the Giant Swing and a popular catchphrase, the Real Americans would probably have to be considered one of WWE’s hottest face tag teams, if only they weren’t horrible racist xenophobes.

Los Matadores defeated The Real Americans (One of them pinned Swagger, STO combo)

JBL now asserts that there may, in fact, be hundreds of El Toritos in a compound somewhere. Presumably they all might also be Rey Mysterio’s family.

Alberto Del Rio © vs John Cena – World Heavyweight Championship

Boy, facing one of the lamest heels on the roster, Cena still can’t get anything above a mixed reaction. Meanwhile, you’ve got two guys that the crowd unequivocally loves and you’re somehow afraid to give them anything resembling the push that Cena gets.

“How long has it been since we’ve heard [the Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks chants]?” Um, about two months, Cole.

You’ll have to forgive the lack of commentary, I stopped paying attention after a while. Foregone conclusions bore me.

John Cena defeated Alberto Del Rio to win the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, AA)

Oh for the love of…just to hammer home the point that Cena is awesome, they have JBL admit that this was the first time he’s ever been wrong and applaud for Cena’s victory. We get it, he’s the damned Second Coming of Jesus Christ Himself, you can stop now.

Josh Mathews hopes the panel can come back to be with him for Survivor Series. Yeah, I’m sure they hope they don’t have a match on the PPV, too, Josh.

AJ Lee © vs Brie Bella – WWE Divas Championship

Rather than discuss the match, let’s ask the obvious question: why is Tamina wearing hip waders?

AJ Lee defeated Brie Bella to retain the WWE Divas Championship (submission, Black Widow)

Are we sure that Bob Backlund has any idea what’s actually going on at any point in time?

Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton – Hell in a Cell Match – WWE Championship

So…they lowered the cage and made Punk and Ryback go in through the door, but not for Bryan-Orton? See, these are the weird things that I notice.

I’d say something about “If Orton Wins, We Riot”, but given what the Miami crowd did the last time they thought Bryan lost unfairly, I’d assume it goes without saying.

I love how, now that chairshots can only ever be delivered to the back, they’re basically a transition spot instead of anything resembling a match-ender.

Hah, Triple H can’t muster up the strength to lift himself up on the side of the cage. I knew he’d gotten soft since he put on the suit.

Right, Shawn Michaels takes a ref bump that wouldn’t have flattened a normal ref.

Dammit, I can smell the screwjob.

And there it is.

…

GODDAMMIT!

Randy Orton defeated Daniel Bryan to win the vacant WWE Championship (pinfall, HBK Sweet Chin Music)

And the crowd just absolutely dies.

You know, we spend a lot of time shitting on TNA, but at least they fucking paid off AJ Styles’ year-long journey to become World Champion in logical fashion.

On the bright side, because I suppose there might be one, if this means this wasn’t the payoff, we can still extend this and give Bryan his moment at WrestleMania. But at this point, that had goddamn well better be the payoff.

Also, that’s four PPVs in a row with basically screwy endings. Boy, I sure hope they really aren’t worried that fans might turn on the whole storyline if they keep cheating them out of a decent finish.

Last night, Daniel Bryan once again saw defeat snatched from the jaws of victory, as he was Superkicked by special referee Shawn Michaels, then pinned by Randy Orton to once again lose his shot at the WWE Title. How many times can Bryan get screwed out of a decisive victory before he can actually lay claim to the championship that is, to many perspectives, rightfully his? Especially since he’s now, essentially, out of title shots in the eyes of those in charge of such things? He lost the belt to a cash-in, was stripped of the title due to shenanigans, his first rematch was a no contest, and now this. Can anyone think of any way that Bryan can earn a WWE Title match in the future without The Authority being able to say he didn’t? Anyone?

Well, until a certain event takes place a few months from now, Bryan may well be truly screwed. But he’s not the only one, as Big Show is still lurking around, now under a restraining order, and still without an actual job within WWE. Will The Authority finally get the giant back under their thumb, or will we see more large vehicles driving through arenas before all is said and done?

Plus, CM Punk finally got his pound of flesh from Paul Heyman (hey, that analogy actually works!), and another victory over Ryback in the bargain. With his old business now dealt with, what’s next for the Second City Saint?

Oh yeah, and John Cena won the World Heavyweight Title from…all I have written here is “Opponent”. Anyway, I’m sure he’ll come out and celebrate with roughly half the crowd, tonight on Raw!

– Rumours are flying that TNA may be “unofficially” up for sale, leading to fans speculating how much Vince McMahon might pay for the tape library. Or, he could just wait a while and pick them up from the dumpster outside Universal Studios.

– Hulk Hogan fueled rumours that he might be considering a WWE return in the near future, because it’s been a whole week since anyone talked about him, and he can only replenish his life force though the constant attention of the masses.

– Due to Tito Ortiz suffering a fractured neck, the Ortiz-Rampage Jackson match will not happen, and in fact the entire Bellator PPV based around it will now air free on Spike TV. Good thing TNA spent all that time building it up on their show instead of their actual wrestling product!

– Word is that WWE may now be adding another PPV during the summer, possibly resurrecting the old WCW Bash at the Beach concept. Yes, because when we think of things from old WCW that we really, really, really badly want WWE to bring back to PPV, Bash at the Beach is right at the top of that list. Does it mean they’ll also bring back mini-movies starring Cheatum, the Evil Midget dressed as a shark?

– And Eric Bischoff may or may not still be in charge of parts of TNA, as he may have been sent home and severed all ties with the company, or may just not be there this week, depending who’s talking. Adjust your targets for whoever is currently at fault for the product accordingly.

HOT: CM Punk Word is that he might get the next shot at Orton now that his feud with Heyman and his guys is done, and while the chances of him winning the belt aren’t great, at least he’ll have better matches than what he could drag out of Axel and Ryback.

NOT: Randy Orton Yeah, he’s WWE Champion and Face of WWE again, but he’s clearly the fifth or sixth wheel in this entire feud. I think this was best highlighted during the contract signing on Raw, where he was outclassed by Triple H, HBK, Bryan, and a semi driven by the Big Show, all of which showed better personality and charisma than a mostly silent, lurking Orton.

HOT: Big E Langston Inserted himself into the main event of Smackdown, plus he’s clearly on a track somewhere, since not even a hip flexor injury to his opponent stopped him from getting a title match on PPV. He’s still pretty green, but he’s definitely not horrible with the right opponents, and that’s why we have The Shield.

NOT: Ryback The gimmick can withstand the loss, but it’s clear Ryback can’t hang with the real wrestlers who can work a match longer than five minutes on PPV, and now apparently questions have arisen about his attitude and conditioning. Who knew pushing a guy to the moon based on his muscular physique and never putting him in matches of any real length could lead to problems down the road?

HOT: Cody Rhodes Goldust gets all the good press, but it’s his younger brother who will be the future, and at least the crowd in Miami seems more than willing to treat him like a new hot commodity. Plus that superplex to the outside was a thing of beautiful insanity.

NOT: The Miz So terrible as a face, that even people turning on him after a rescue still get face pops for doing so. Maybe instead of Kane, we should hope that Bray brainwashes Miz back into being a heel. Or a mindless zombie. Either’s good with me.

HOT: Summer Rae Hey, look, a woman who can wrestle. Do you see what you’ve been missing by not watching NXT? She’s been doing that stuff for months down there.

NOT: WWE 2K14 Man, the horribly outdated graphics look even worse when you use them for the intro to your PPV in HD. When games are capable of individually rendering every strand of Lara Croft’s hair using TressFX technology, there is no reason for Ric Flair’s pompadour to look like he’s wearing a helmet.

HOT: Antonio Cesaro He’s got another crowd-popping spot that they can’t help but make the focus of his matches, and even more fortuitously, he’s big enough to get around that asinine “we’re not interested in any more small guys” protocol they put into effect. So, of course, when the Real Americans break up, they’ll probably stick him in a pirate gimmick. Actually, that would be awesome. Has Vince seen Pirates of the Caribbean yet?

NOT: Ricardo Rodriguez Apparently Ricardo’s been written off the main roster for now. Would it have been so wrong to continue the whole “Los Locales” gimmick with Tyson Kidd? Would it really hurt to have another capable tag team that could at least match Los Matadores for high-flying style?

Inactive List as of 10.21.13

WWE

– Brad Maddox, day-to-day as of October 18th Smackdown (“concussion”)
– Bray Wyatt, day-to-day as of October 8th (shin)
– Christian, out indefinitely as of September 2nd (concussion)
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th, 2012 (foot)
– John Cena, out 4-6 months as of August 19th (torn triceps)
– Mark Henry, day-to-day as of September 1st (hamstring)
– Sheamus, out 4-6 months as of August 5th (torn labrum)

TNA

– Zema Ion, out indefinitely as of May 17th (appendectomy)

Transactions

– AJ Styles, TNA, “contract expired”

– Curtis Axel, WWE, out indefinitely as of October 27th (hip flexor)

– John Cena, WWE, returned to action at Hell in a Cell PPV

**NEW** WWE Champion: Randy Orton
– 1 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on October 27th (Hell in a Cell PPV) to win the vacant title

**NEW** World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
– 1 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on October 27th (Hell in a Cell PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel
– 134 day reign, defeated former champion Wade Barrett and The Miz in a Triple Threat Match on June 16th (Payback PPV)

WWE United States Champion: Dean Ambrose
– 162 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on May 19th (Extreme Rules PPV)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
– 14 day reign, defeated The Shield on October 14th (Raw)

WWE Divas’ Champion: AJ Lee
– 134 day reign, defeated Kaitlyn on June 16th (Payback PPV)

WWE NXT Champion: Bo Dallas
– 138 day reign, defeated Big E Langston on June 5th (NXT)

WWE NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension
– 26 day reign, defeated Corey Graves and Adrian Neville on October 2nd NXT

WWE NXT Women’s Champion: Paige
– 96 day reign, defeated Emma on July 24th NXT to become inaugural Champion

NOTE: NXT Title reigns only count what has aired on TV, not when changes occur at tapings.

TNA Heavyweight Champion: (still technically) AJ Styles
– 8 day reign, defeated Bully Ray on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA World Tag Team Champions: The Bro-Mans
– 8 day reign, defeated James Storm and Gunner on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin
– 8 day reign, defeated former champion Manik, Jeff Hardy, Samoa Joe, and Austin Aries in an Ultimate X Match on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Television Champion: Abyss
– 148 day reign, defeated Devon on June 2nd (Slammiversary PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 8 day reign, defeated former champion ODB and Brooke Tessmacher in a Triple Threat Match on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

Acero has The Wrestling 5&1.

Schroeder has WWE RPI Rankings.

Harder has The Professional 3.

Dino has Smart Marks.

Daniels has The Ten Count.

This week, I discuss the many and varied problems that have plagued TNA since practically Day One, the possibilities that spring out of the potential finishes to Hell in a Cell, and whether or not North America can actually support two major wrestling promotions!

And in Co-op Multiplayer, we fight through some technical difficulties to discuss news about the delays in next-gen titles, the Dark Matter fiasco, whether Sony may have rushed the PS4 to launch, and various and sundry topics!

SPECIAL PROGRAMMING NOTE: In celebration of the year’s spookiest holiday, Halloween, make sure to tune into Co-op Multiplayer this week to find out how you can win your choice of one of 2013’s three scariest PC games! You don’t have to listen live, but you do have to catch the show for all the details!

One Piece: Pirate Warriors 2 **COMING SOON**
Stealth, Inc.
The Last of Us
Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
Marvel Heroes
Hakuoki: Warriors of the Shinsengumi
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
Dragon Fantasy: Book One
Guacamelee!
BioShock Infinite
Dead or Alive 5 Plus
Generation of Chaos 6: Pandora’s Reflection
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable

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That’s our show, I will be back next week. Also, don’t forget Co-op Multiplayer this Tuesday at midnight EDT on Spreaker.com, 4PC in the Games Zone on Wednesday, and the TWNE After Dark podcast on Wednesday, airing live at around 11 pm EDT on Spreaker.com, posted on 411 shortly thereafter.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.

Snow?
Didn’t I Banish You Last Year?

Have a good one, always be a fan.