The 8-Ball 11.18.13: Top 8 Ways To Make Randy Orton More Heelish

Orton’s athleticism is outrageous. He’s got an arsenal of high-impact moves. He can bump. He can counter pretty much anything. He’s been a regular at the top of card for a decade and he can put on hot matches week-in, week-out for the WWE’s main television programs. The guy can go in the ring. JBL isn’t talking out his ass when he says if you could build a pro wrestler (my bad: superstar) from the ground up, you’d build Randy Orton. He’s more total package than Lex Luger, more prototype than John Cena, more perfect than Curt Hennig.

When he puts on the conceited act it’s easy to boo a guy like that, but Orton should be despised. Everyone from Johnny Supersize sitting in the cheap seats to Mom’s Basement 69 in an Internet forum should be pouring white-hot malice on this guy. His bar should be set higher because he can deliver. Orton can bring wrestling fans of every stripe together in their hatred. Time to shake the 8-Ball to find out how he can do it.

8. Be the man

Back in his heyday, Harley Race carried a certain air of inevitability. Someone in a given territory would win the right to fight Race, making everyone think maybe this would be the guy to take the strap off the champ. Then when the match came the local hero would run into the stark reality that he wasn’t beating Harley Race on that night or any other night. Race would let the challenger showcase his stuff, but in the end Race would be planting the guy’s back on the mat.

Orton winning clean isn’t much of a stretch. He’s been doing it for years as a face. His DDT off the ropes, his dropkick, his inverted headlock backbreaker – all of those moves can turn a match on dime. If it were for real, his leaping knee drop would kill a man. The RKO remains the best cutter in the business. Orton’s legit. He doesn’t need overbooked finishes and tons of outside interference to beat his opponents. He is badass. Let him be badass. This really shouldn’t be hard. The plan ought to be that eventually when someone beats Orton, it should be huge. It won’t have that feel unless Orton goes full Harley Race.

7. No Sale

What? Classic Hulk Hogan wasn’t a heel? You could have fooled me. I hated that guy. He made everyone else look like garbage. For the record, I love guys who sell. Seth Rollins is rapidly becoming a favorite of mine because he can make his opponents look awesome. Yet I’m supposed to be rooting hard for Orton to lose. Orton needs to make himself look awesome. Doing it at the expense of his opponents is a great way to make the smarks hate him. Smarks only think they hate Orton, but Orton keeps giving them too much of what they want (note the table bump shot at the top of the column).

This feud with Big Show is a perfect chance to do it. Eat a KO punch and kick out at two. The IWC will erupt instantly. “He just buried Show!” “Oh great, now Orton’s Superheel.” Exactly, now he’s Superheel and you hate him, you hate the booking and what on earth is ever going to beat this guy? Orton should feed the world a heaping plate of despair.

6. Lie to the world

There’s an entire industry devoted to posting wrestling rumors. So-and-so has heat backstage. Wrestler A refuses to job for Wrestler B. Lower ratings/buy rates have caused the McMahons to pull back from someone’s big push. We know the matches are fake, but a lot of people believe the politics are real. I’m sure some of the politics are real, but I’m not going to pretend I’ve got any way to sort that stuff out.

So feed us disinformation. Have “trusted sources” leak that Orton wields way too much power backstage. Whenever he beats someone, spread around tales of how Orton (or perhaps HHH or Stephanie) changed the booking at the last minute to make Orton look invincible. Have Orton burying guys and generally acting like a prick. Put it out that that Vince decided to erase Orton’s wellness violations. If you want to be a heel in the modern world, you need to be a heel everywhere, not just in the arena.

5. Kill our darlings

The problem with the Bryan-Orton feud wasn’t that Bryan lost. It’s that Orton didn’t win. Dusty Finish won that one by a landslide. We’re wondering where Bryan vs. DX goes in the future, but we’re not pissed off at Randy Orton. Rectify that. Set up one more match between the two and have Orton beat him clean. Kick out of the running knee strike. Emerge from a few Yes Locks showing no discernible wear and tear. Then hit him with the weapons-grade offense and pose over him when you’re done. Don’t forget to leak that this all happened because Orton felt he needed to get a clean win back over Bryan.

And then we’re apoplectic. Orton’s ego is running amok. No one’s ever going to take D-Bry seriously again. That last one’s wrong for sure. Two wins in a row against moderately talented opponents and Bryan would be right back on track. People who appreciate skill in the ring know he’s legit and people who like pointing their index fingers in the air and chanting “Yes!” don’t need a lot of provocation. Meanwhile we’re hot for someone – anyone – to beat Orton.

4. Legend Killer 2.0

Recently we’ve had plenty of rumors flying around about a return of Goldberg or Sting finally coming to the WWE for a Wrestlemania moment. Both have been talked about as possible Undertaker opponents. I’ve got zero interest in either of those matches. Neither Sting nor Goldberg has a prayer of beating Taker. A guy doesn’t go through Punk, HHH, HBK, Orton and Edge only to drop his legendary streak to a guy on an oldies nostalgia tour. Pointless match. Doubly pointless because it won’t even be all that entertaining in the ring.

No one cried when Bill Goldberg walked away from the business. He’s more relevant in video games than in the ring. He’s not a young man and about the only thing he’s good for is passing the torch to a younger guy. If he wants back in for a payday, feed him Ryback then have Orton squash him. Don’t know if you can squeeze all that in prior to Wrestlemania, but the 8-Ball doesn’t care about timing. It only cares about elevating Bad Randy.

And what exactly is Sting supposed to be to anyone? The world’s greatest minor league wrestler? He’s

3. Stick it to HHH

I like HHH, always have. He’s the second-best heel of modern times. Edge was better, but Trips fuels the righteous rage of wrestling fans like few others. However, Orton needs to exceed his mentor. As I mentioned last week, I never much understood faith among heels. I get loyalty in a group like the Shield where these guys came up together. Yet Orton should be putting the screws to HHH without a moment’s pause. It’s good kayfabe and it flips the script on who the main bad guy is. Let’s face it, HHH gambled the business on Orton. If Orton notches a few big wins he can tell HHH to go back to his desk job and wait for the phone to ring.

In fact, it would be great if Randy decided he wants a corporate backer with a little more stroke than HHH and throws in with Vince. “Mr. McMahon, no offense intended, but your daughter and her husband are screw ups. Whenever you let them run the show, things get out of hand. You can’t trust them. Yet you can trust me. I’m the best in the ring, the face of the WWE, the champion who defines this business. I’m better than Hogan, Austin, the Rock and Cena, and unlike all of them I understand that my talent and your genius would be unstoppable if we work together.” Then, the more evil things Randy does, the happier Vince gets. No one likes it when Vince is happy. Also it would help establish that Randy is so nasty that he even offends HHH’s sensibilities.

2. Bloody Randy

I know the WWE technically doesn’t want its wrestlers bleeding all over the place these days, but if there’s one guy who ought to work hardcore every now and then, it’s your marquee heel. Orton’s perfect casting in this regard. First, he’s got an established history of taking part in bloodbaths. Second, a really menacing bad guy isn’t going to have compunctions about busting open an opponent. Orton needs to hurt people and scare children. WWE writers like to toss around the term “sadistic,” but it rings hollow because there’s so little actual sadism. If Orton’s beating on a former indie fave or a legend that’s one thing. If he’s ripping holes in them, that takes it to a whole new level.

The outcomes may be pre-arranged, but the talent in the ring is taking real punishment. It’s hard for heels to come across as truly menacing in this bloodless era. In order to elevate Orton to another level he needs to be the guy who amps up the brutality. Wrestling still has the ability to shock our senses and put on a true spectacle. Orton should be the bad thing that happens to our favorites. Forget about the Boogeyman, Randy Orton is coming to get you.

1. Invoke a higher power

Tim Tebow is one of the great heels of modern times. By all accounts he’s a spectacular human being, but he comes across as holier than thou. As much as Tebow tried to insist God doesn’t play favorites on a football field, he pretty much made it seem like he thinks God plays favorites on a football field during the game. The WWE, rightly, stays away from theology most of the time, but Orton should freely reference his God-given talent and invoke a higher cause for his championship. He’s not just the face of the WWE because it’s good marketing. He’s become the champ because he’s on a mission to save the WWE from goat-faced idols like Daniel Bryan and abominations like Big Show. The people need a higher ideal to reach for, a beacon to light the way. He already strikes a Jesus Christ pose when he enters the ring. Print up some Orton Domini t-shirts. Make Orton the self-righteous guy people love to hate (minus the Brother Love blubbering).

Orton needs to stop being a HINO (heel in name only) and start being despicable. Arenas should erupt with anger when he enters. The Internet should be filled with screeds detailing how much people hate Orton and his megalomaniacal run at the top of the card. He could be the perfect heel, but he’s got a long way to go to get there.