The Wrestling Guide 11.11.06: The Once Off Edition

Anyway, for you bitches that don’t know me I’m former Wrestling Guide writer Scott Rutherford who also ran the 411 Movie zone for a couple years and have now migrated over to Sports because you always send your best men to the most troublesome places. Well, that’s what Ashish told me but I think it’s more like a pity thing and to keep me out of places where I could do some serious harm.

Before you read any further I don’t do TNA news simply because it isn’t shown here (that would be Australia for those less fortunate) every week. If I can’t watch it I ain’t talking about the product in detail. However I will talk about WWE until my face turns blue and promise to mark the fuck out for John Cena and Umaga since they fucking rule.

Got it? Good. As for Melchor, he’s having unprotected sex on Miami beach with a tranny prostitute so HUZZAH for roofies and Melch’s libido.

Wrestling News

The WWE has announced three matches as of now for Survivor Series….

– Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Sgt. Slaughter and Dusty Rhodes w/Arn Anderson vs. The Spirit Squad (Kenny, Johnny, Mikey and Nicky) w/Mitch

– Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, and C.M.Punk vs. Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Gregory Helms, and Mike Knox

Can’t say I’m thrilled about the legends match but I guess they’re going to use it for comedy value, breaking up the Spirit Squad and completely burying the remembers of that particular little band on the way out. Because, ya know, Slaughter and Piper need to keep there heat for that big run against Cena next year.

As for the other two matches, they may have succeeded in piquing enough interest in me to maybe order it. I like they are going to do the proper Survivor Series concept again and the fact they are mixing between brands. I would have liked the heels and faces to mix to add intrigue but you can’t fault having DX and The Hardy Boyz on one team now can you?

I fear the inevitable Diva’s match but there still is at least one more men’s match possibly to come plus Smackdown! getting two high profile singles matches making it look like a full card. We’re still over two weeks out so I look forward to seeing how the rest shapes up.

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As reported earlier in the 411 Music section, Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. That article is available here.

Credit: PWInsider.com

So Britney laughed at K-Feds WWE career…so are we all! What Kevin needs to do is get everyone smelling his finger on the way to the ring each appearance and telling them that’s as close to fucking Brit as they are ever going to get. What will be funnier is him realizing that’s about as close as he’lll ever get now himself. But really, who’s the fool? He just spent the last few years banging Britney “Fucking” Spears and will now get a shit load of money for that privelage.

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– On her MySpace page today, Francine said that she plans to retire from the wrestling business once she finishes up her remaining dates through the end of the year. She said the reason was that she wants to have a normal family life.

Seriously, who fucking cares? Sure Raven has now one less confirmed stop on the road pussy list but what did she really bring to the sport? She wasn’t that hot and didn’t have a body that was any better than your average diva so really, no great loss.

General RAW Thoughts

Sure it’s five days past but I only get a chance to talk about this every once and a while….

– The main topic seems to be DX and them being booked so strongly which is a valid point, from a certain point of view. So far they have been booked strong against the McMahon’s and The Spirit Squad, hardly what you call great opposition but against Edge and Orton they have lost. But it was due to outside interference you say! Well, that’s how heels are suppose to win against the all conquering faces because that’s how you get heat. Sometime I think smarks forget the rules of the game.

– John Cena seems to be humming along quite nicely but he’s going to suffer for the lack of a real opponent. What? Kevin Federline isn’t a real wrestler bitches! There seems to be the startings of an Umaga program after the Cena promo this past Monday which will be interesting to say the least. This will be the first time Cena will have to carry all the work of a feud since Umaga doesn’t do promo’s and his style in the ring is limiting to say the least.

– While people are saying the tag team scene is a joke has anyone noticed that suddenly there are five teams running around? Sure the booking is deplorable but at least they are trying to build things again. And the teams are actually teams as opposed to cobbled together singles (bar Charlie Haas and Viscera) that work as teams and do team moves. Hopefully they continue to book the division in this direction.

– I don’t get why they had Jeff Hardy drop the Intercontinental Title back to Johnny Nitro. Hardy was doing a fine job and putting on decent matches with everyone and getting a great response from the crowd. Nitro was doing fine with the K-Fed association and what could have been some fun matches with John Cena and to have him carry the title now makes no sense right now. Having Hardy get a long run with the title and dropping it to your hottest second tier heel in 3-4 months would be a better way to go about things. Unless they are going to move hardy up into the main event of RAW and SD!, he’s served his purpose now and is back to doing whatever…

– What the fuck are they doing with Carlito? This is the guy that could be the next BIG WWE player and they have him dicking around with Torrie Wilson is not what he should be doing. Turn him heel and having him face Cena or DX most certainly is. Shit, you don’t even have to turn him heel and just have him be a tweener having fun at everyone’s expense.

– Also, where the fuck is Harry Smith?

Smackdown! – The Good & The Bad

Opening Segment
The Good: This is how they should always do it. Booker T got to gloat about Cyber Sunday and they set up the storyline for the night and book ahead for Survivor Series. You see guys, it ain’t that hard!
The Bad: Lashley vs Booker being the first match on the card was a dead giveaway a screwy finish was in the works.

JBL Quote – That’s not fair, he had to fight off and an ogre and a movie star at Cyber Sunday and he’s not ready for this!

King Booker vs Bobby Lashley
The Good: Decent match. Pulling back on the Lashley push a few months ago was a good thing and this is why. He still gets to wrestle big matches without the burden of carrying the Smackdown! brand which Booker is more than capable of doing. He’s developing really well in this environment and is learning on working matches and not just going out there and hitting his moves. I tell you what, the fans want Lashley as champ and I bet you dollars to cents the WWE are thinking WrestleMania gold with him.
The Bad: As I said above having this match so early in the night you knew a screwjob finish was in the works. The fact they had to job Lashley is a shame when Finlay, Benoit or Matt Hardy would have worked. Shit, even The Undertaker would have been a good choice since he only ever loses in screwjob finishes. Leave Lashley defeats until they are actually worth something.

MVP/Chavo
The Good: I love shameless plugs and Teddy shilling the See No Evil DVD works for me and making matches for next week? Pre-planning!.
The Bad: Making the guy you have built up to be a big deal look like a chump stain at the expense of Kane, who will never draw you another dime, is stupid. No, I got that wrong…IT’S MOTHERFUCKING STOOOOOPID!

Matt Hardy & Jimmy Wang Yang vs Sylvan & Gregory Helms
The Good: Jimmy Wang Yang’s gimmick is fucking gold. There’s something about a guy being so clueless about who he is that’s totally entertaining. Never mind the fact he now has a hot chick valet. Fun little match that offered equal parts wrestling and entertainment. Sylvan looked pretty good in short burst (dig the picture perfect dropkick) which shows he should be part of a tag team. Hardy looked fucking good.
The Bad: Considering three of the four people in the ring can really go I have to say this much, while being okay, really could have been great if given some time.

JBL Quote – I hate Jimmy Wang Yang because he claims he’s a red neck. He looks like a cross between Michael Hayes and Yoko Ono

Mr. Kennedy/Undertaker
The Good: Decent Kennedy promo and I really like the touch of him using the old style mike to deliver it with. I also liked the fact he was putting himself over and not people over the fact Undertaker is a legend that should be feared. GREAT BEATDOWN by Kennedy.
The Bad: Kennedy is in danger of being one of those wrestlers that’s all about the promo and not about the wrestling. The Rock was the guy that showed the balance between being good on the mic and good in the ring is important and unless he starts getting booked that way, he’ll be dead in the water by WrestleMania.

Chris Benoit vs K.C. James
The Good: James looked good in there but seriously, if you have even a sliver of talent you look good in the ring with Benoit. Nice to see him been given time in the ring as a singles competitor.
The Bad: However, jobbing as a singles wrestler almost straight away is bad. With a guy like Benoit you could have him be on top and do something stupid to get himself disqualified. People don’t care if Chris gets beaten and he knows pretty much from this point on he’s best use in the WWE is to make the younger guys look good. Pity the bookers didn’t take the chance.

The Boogeyman vs Some Random Jobber
The Good: Boogey’s intro. Seriously, the coolest thing in wrestling. I know he gets a lot of hate but I enjoy the act. As long as he’s kept away from the serious stuff I’m more than happy.
The Bad: It’s fucking Boogeyman…there is no bad!

The Miz
The Good: Again, I like The Miz. They book him as a mouthy punk and it works. He’s a natural dick and as long as they let him be that way and not turn him into something else he will entertain people. Given time in the ring he will get better.
The Bad: The match he’s challenged the Boogeyman too…not going to be pretty.

Batista vs Finlay
The Good: Typically solid match between these two and I honestly don’t think they could have a bad match even if they tried. These are the two that the WWE should be making all the young up and comers watch to show how to build the intensity of a match without doing anything overly flashy.
The Bad: There was no way Dave was going to lose which sorta ruined the end. Not a huge blight or anything but suspense is always a key thing when watchig wrestling and knowing the booking before you even watch the match is pretty lame.

Overall: SD stays afloat because everyone on the brand works hard. If they corrected the minor flaws in the booking they would have a really strong show. Seriously, something as simple as having the right person in a nothing match changes the whole complexion of the booking. K.C James didn’t need to be jobbing to Benoit when a win over one of the cruiserweight faces would have worked better or at the very least have K.C. take a DQ defeat while looking strong instead of taping out.

This show is “that” close to working and firing on all cylinders but just can’t seem to do it. Pity.

TNA Opinions For the Desperate

Man, just when I think TNA will give me nothing to work with wrestling new resident crazy man Kurt Angle give an interview about Daniel Puder that is all sorts of fucked up. Here’s some selected highlights…

Kurt said after he wins he would pull his shorts and rub his balls in Puder’s face. Bubba asked to speak to Kurt’s wife Karen. When Bubba asked Karen about a possible Puder fight she said that it will never happen because she doesn’t want Puder to get any attention. Kurt came back on and then stated that after he knocks Puder out he would let Karen go in the ring to piss and shit on Puder’s face.

WTF? Rub his balls in Puder’s face? Let his wife piss and shit on Puder? I wonder if this is what he meant about the WWE holding him back when Kurt wanted to bring scat to the masses. This is all kinds of fucked up and you have to wonder if Dixie Carter is buying Angle the REALLY good painkillers.

-Kurt again talking about Puder said that he is nothing more than a wanna be shoot fighter. Kurt said that Puder should try and fight someone decent and not just go up against bums and crack heads. Kurt mentioned that Puder can’t take a strike. Kurt said that even if he beats him, Puder will still get notoriety for fighting Kurt. Kurt also mentioned that he thinks of himself as being on the same level of Tito Ortiz.

And with the really good painkillers comes the delusions. Kurt was world class 10 years ago but that was before the multiple neck injuries and 7 heavy years of wear and tear in the ring and a hardcore addiction to painkillers. Physically he just isn’t capable as he once was and he just can’t admit it to himself.

Secondly, an amature wrestler isn’t going to go all that well in MMA. By nature of how he’s trained he would need to take someone down and make them submit which leaves him vunerable to the striking power of martial artists who can stand a few feet back and knock him out. He’ll get past the shittier fighters but once he comes up against the really good guys he’ll be meat on the slab.

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Well people, it’s been grand. Melch is back next week and tomorrow you’ll get Matty Sforcina doing a Jeff Small fill-in. You guys are just spolit aren’t you!