WRestling’s 3R’s 1.12.07: RetRo TNA Final Resolution, The Russo-Rifficness of Impact, The Smackdown Sprint, The Donald vs. Rosie, Punk gets Punk’d and More!

iMpact 1.04.06:

The Right:

The Importance of Words – There are times when we cringe at promos, or times that they are fine but we just don’t care about them at all. But then there are times that they really add to the shows and angles and we love them. While the show as a whole was very poor last week, I did enjoy some of the promo work and will discuss them here.

Storm and Kim: I liked the sit down interview this week with Gail Kim. Don’t get me wrong, I hate the split of AMW and this was no promo of the year, but the overall presentation and idea behind it was good. She explained that she had been with AMW for over a year, and that the last 5-months were killing her. They worked hard as a team, but James Storm betrayed them. Storm them appeared, because he knew Gail would be talking smack about him. He insulted her and told her there was nothing for her in TNA and she should go back to Taco bell, or the Golden Wok. He then reminded her that she had 7-days to answer him (whether she will go with Storm or Harris.) Good stuff as Storm continues to show a ton of personality, and having Gail in the middle gets you drawn in, or should in theory.

James Mitchell can officially have my soul: – James Mitchell was again awesome in regards to speaking this week on Impact. He had Abyss outside the Prison/Asylum and demanded that Abyss break his ties with Sting. Mitchell reminded him that while Cage and Tomko knew the aftermath, he knew the real story, the full story, full of blood, horror, betrayal and unforgivable sin. Mitchell was just tremendous in delivery and his abuse of Abyss. Some didn’t like how it made Abyss look, but in the end he will snap and be more of a monster than before, or will garner sympathy and eventually turn face (something I do not want.) Anyway, good stuff again from Mitchell.

puRgatory:

LUCHA CALLEJERA – So this was a natural evolution from last week, where 3D and Runt had a big run in with LAX. They faced off in a “LUCHA CALLEJERA” or Mexican Street fight, which as I mentioned made sense after last weeks brawl. What they had of the match was fine, high impact and brutal for the time allowed. With all of that said, it was once again a rushed affair. They got 2½ minutes, and for a match like this it should have gotten more time. For example, the VKM segment got 5-minutes, which is totally ridiculous. As I have tried to explain that is vital time that they are wasting that matches like this should have gotten. I have discussed it for weeks and have been on the bad side of criticism, but now I hope people are fully understanding where I am coming from. This is part of a program that will sell PPV and make people interested, the VKM will not get people to buy PPV. Also, why did Konnan distract the ref? It was a street fight, no rules!

The wRong:

Nothing of Note

The Ridiculous:

TNA: We are Wrestling, on PPV; but if you are looking for Wrestling on our TV show you’re fucked! – TNA, We Are Wrestling. That is the new company motto and if they were talking about their PPV’s they would be dead on. But when you look at the last 6-weeks or so of TV shows, that motto is the farthest from the truth. Don’t believe me? Let’s break down the show.

Match #1. 3:00
Match #2. 2:31
Just a Joe vs. Angle brawl that lasted FOR-EV-ER!

That is just over 5-1/2-minutes of wrestling in a 40+ Minute show (after commercials.) Which means that 30-minutes of the show were dedicated to interviews (s0me of them very good) and angles. That is all fine if they were all good and building to something, some are, but you know, some wrestling on the wrestling show would be a good thing from time to time. They have done a good job of staying away from the 4 and 5-match shows, and in all reality the 3-match format should work rather well of you do it right. Two short matches and one longer, important match to drive angles and such. But they aren’t doing that, they are just throwing matches out there, some for free that they shouldn’t be, and are losing the focus of wrestling, which is on the marquee the last time I checked. DO us a favor TNA, don’t bill yourself as “We Are Wrestling” if you don’t intend to deliver weekly. And if you think this sounds very familiar to last week’s rant, it is the same. They made the same stupid mistake, I make the same argument against it.

THE RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~!:

Um…so we basically got Angle vs. Joe III for free – So did everyone enjoy Joe vs. Angle III on free TV last week? I didn’t. This was some Russo-FN-Riffic shit right here. First of all we have the bait and switch of the main event, which is kind of ok because having Angle and Christian on free TV is stupid. But then Joe attacks Angle as we have 4-minutes of a good brawl…and then we have about 6-more minutes of brawling that was horrendously boring to the point that it turned some people off of match III! Just the opposite of what they wanted. We have discussed how this feud has been way too rushed and while they have great matches, the feud seems ruined. But here is the big problem with match #3. These guys are in a blood feud, they hate each other so much that they brawled around the building and tried to kill each other. So you would think that they would have a cage match, last man standing match, no DQ match, first blood match, piranha tank match something lethal sounding to let out the rage. Instead, they will just fight to see who the best man is in an Iron man Match. Yeah, doesn’t make much sense to me either. At least they didn’t give away Christian vs. Angle on TV.

The VKM -So, let’s refresh kids: Ok, let me break this down so I don’t have to every week. If they have a skit, it will most likely just have this attached to it. It is stupid because:
-It makes no sense.
-It is a waste of precious TV and PPV time.
-It has no payoff.
-It will make no money.

This week they wasted FIVE MINUTES on their segment this week. FIVE MINUTES!

I just can’t wait until the PPV, when they will undoubtedly be classy and mention HHH’s injury and probably take credit for it. That will be great. Fuck this shit.

SmackDown 1.05.06

Hey, friends, welcome to the first R-ification of SD! of 2007! We’re getting back on track after a year-end rant that a few people contributing some of the best submissions I’ve been lucky enough to receive during my R’s tenure. I’m sorting through them and working on a wrap-up to last week that will accompany the SD! R’s next week. This week, we have a damn fine example of why SD! is the best wrestling show on national television as well addressing some issues that have been taying in the wind (or whatever it was Jodie Foster was blabbering about in “Nell”), so we’ll hopefully tie up some loose ends, crack our knuckles and then get to work on next week!

The Right:

We like tournies, yes we do! We like tournies…how bout YOU? – As I’ve mentioned numerous times here in the past, I LOVE me a good tournament, even if it’s just to decide who has to ride with Sylvan to the arena. Well, Teddy Long’s Beat-The-Clock sprint was a fantastic idea and I could see it becoming a SD! staple, as it gave every single match up here tonight a meaning and a purpose sometimes, well, lacking on even this, the best wrestling show on television. Some interesting pairings certainly made for a night of unpredictable action and showed off exactly how talented (although I’m sure to those who prefer Raw for the “starpower”, also exposed how lean is the roster in terms of big whoop-de-ding-dong name performers) we are here on the blue & silver. Having the tournament stretch into two shows, as we were left with an actual, honest-to-Foley cliffhanger on episodic TV! And, although I’m not one to through around numbers, the fact that tonight’s installment of SD! scored the best rating the show’s earned in almost a year. WELL DONE, SMACKDOWN! There’s just something about this, though, that makes me feel as if we’re going to see a battle royal of some kind featuring the main time-holders, Kane, Bookah and Kennedy, and whomever from next week…I dunno…

Batista loves a quickie – So I’ll make this one brief. Just thought it was a good move to have Long come to the ring to kick off this unique evening, plus to bring out the World Champion to give his blessing on the event, mainly because, he looked great, not over- or under-done, not in one of his borderline-drag outfits, just a simple black head-to-toe ensemble, against which the starkness of the gold gleamed under the lights, really showcasing why this night was happening. It also was a great move to have the Champ shrug his shoulders and say, “Hey, I don’t care, it’s always been my intention to be a fighting champion, so ring the bell and bring me the best you got!” GOOD thing to establish Batista in such a manner. So far, so good!

Every match rocked! – Perhaps it was the added factor that these guys were all competing for a shot at the WT at one of the year’s biggest PPVs in the ROYAL RUMBLE, perhaps it was the extra sense of urgency that accompanied these matches as a result of the unique time-sensitivity issue with regard to the tournament, but there was something sparking in the five matches we had tonight, and I, for one, absolutely loved it!

Kane versus Chavo Guerrero – Now who slumped your shoulders when you saw Chavo announced to compete against The Big Red Monster, thinking, Oh, it’s going to be another one of THESE types of tournaments, huh? Or, OMG, Chavo has absolutely NO chance against Kane! I was one of the former, not thinking McMahonagement would allow Chavo the time of day against someone who’s apparently on something of an upswing, if his victory over MVP is anything from which to judge. However, I was pleasantly surprised to look at the clock at the five minute mark and realize that, not only had Chavo not yet been squashed, but was actually in control, having used his veteran wiles and the knowledge that comes from being a Guerrero to have Kane in more than a little trouble…and all looked totally believable! Of course, Kane did end up winning and setting the bar for the night and I’m totally fine with that. I’ve been a staunch believer that Chavo has a HELL of a lot to give the business yet and the program between Chris Benoit and he could have gone a long way in establishing that fact, but the powers that be chose to focus on the Eddie factor instead. This is a great omen for Chavito, as it seems there could be a lot more in store for this highly under-utilized and overlooked performer.

Paul London versus Brian Kendrick – And here, ladies and gentlemen, was your WrestleMania preview. If you found this contest to be a bit on the dull side, or was asking yourself, “What’s all the fuss about these guys, anyway?”, they were wrestling with their handcuffs on. In terms of kayfabe, these guys are friends and have a good thing going with the WWETTTs, so they weren’t really going to rock the boat too much, perhaps companionship preventing them from turning it up so as to deliver that fatal blow which could have put away the other, thus the reason why time expired…? On a more smarky basis, however, this was the two getting an opportunity to feel out one another as the team heads towards Splittsville, population London & Kendrick, to get them familiar and comfortable facing one another as opposed to tagging with each other, as well as give the fans a taste at what a match between them could be like, as well. The fact that McMahonagement decided to pull the trigger on having these two square off on a night where there could easily be a time limit draw in the framework of no-consequence loss/no one has to go over situation was absolutely BRILLIANT. There was a little bit of smirking and posturing on both sides once the action started getting competitive, as if the partners were saying, “Oh yeah? You wanna go like that?” But the time limit prevented personalities and tempers from getting out of hand. I’ve been saying this for weeks now, and I really believe it will be true, London versus Kendrick could damn well run away with WrestleMania.

King Booker versus Gregory Helms – Another solid match! Like Kane/Chavo, I loved this match, even if it was a bit premature. It seems to me that SD!, for all the ways it is superior to Raw, WWECW and Impact, has its main event status performers and then…everyone else. At least tonight with Chavo and Helms, it appeared that there’s a partial admittance to this and a curious effort to see how these two guys might hang with some bigger competition. Again, the bigger guy, in this case, King Bookah, won, as is appropriate. For Helms to have broken himself a win under Beat-The-Clock rules would have been a travesty toward the King of the WUHLD, who is just coming off the ride of his life and still plenty hot. However, there’s absolutely no crime in allowing Bookah and Helms to square off and give helms some love. He looked great and, with some perseverance and determination, a point Cole and JBL were EXEMPLARY in delivering at the desk on this point this week, Helms could damn well make the jump and step up. The fact that Bookah stalled in JBL’s eyes in a Beat-The-Clock challenge just showed how in control he felt he was throughout the match (or he’d have us believe!), although the fact that the Axe Kick was set up by the delectable Queen Sharmell’s interference says a lot, I think…

Tatanka versus Jimmy Wang Yang – Well, if there was a klunker in the series tonight, it was this match. I won’t even go on about what either man has done recently to warrant even being considered for this tournament. Even though Chief Pissypants hasn’t been on SD! in weeks (so much for that much-awaited heel turn), and aside from the fact that he carried the offense for most of the match (translation? JWY had to work his chaps off…literally!…to make the bar), I did enjoy this one. Admittedly, the crux of my interest was something like, “Damn…how is JWY gonna flip and kick and stuff with his chaps around his knees?!” and the answer was “amazingly”. Seriously, this guy needs a proper program, pronto! One of the functions of tournies such as this one is that sometimes we can gain a new program from two guys who don’t make the cut. Had it been against someone who doesn’t make my blood shrivel like Tatanka, I’d be all for it here, but JWY deserves better than this…

Kennedy versus Chris Benoit – Now THIS needs to not be over! I imagine this will go on to next where Taker will get screwed out of rightfully winning the Beat-The-Clock challenge by someone (Kennedy…? I HOPE not…!) who goes on to RR and loses, thanks to Taker’s interference as payback. Next month, we’ll have either the two contenders settling the score in a singles match, or else both men will get a Triple-Threat shot at Batista, leading to Taker/Batista at WrestleMania.

Well, meanwhile, look at what we had here. So Kennedy explodes back on the SD! scene and in one match, not only defeats the USC in Chris Fucking Benoit, the man who took the UST away from Kennedy, thinking that this action should put him in line to be Benoit’s #1 contender, but if his time stands next week, he has a shot at Batista’s title, too! If this blows up in his face, and he looks like a bitch again, I’ll rest my case, but if he continues to prove it on Friday nights, I’ll happily throw my hands in the air and proclaim that I was absolutely wRong and that Taker winning the Last Ride match didn’t harm Kennedy at all. That simple.

Now, as I just said, I do really believe that a feud should come of one of these tourney matches, and quite frankly, I can’t think of a better one than Kennedy/Benoit. Not that Kennedy needs seasoning, but who couldn’t benefit from working with Benoit? Besides, there should be some kind of payback on Kennedy’s part for being kinda blown-off after dropping the UST to Benoit, plus, a program between these two would go a long way to quelling critics such as myself and others who believe Kennedy facing Taker was jumping the gun and big time.

Okay, NOW we’re talking! – Okay, it’s been established that I’m decidedly NOT a fan of MVP, and that’s due largely to the fact that I’ve disliked greatly the manner in which he’s been utilized thus far. The gimmick I could certainly buy, just not with the man playing it. The man I could certainly buy as well, it just depends upon how much he’s got and how much he’s allowed to display in the ring, neither or which we’ve seen much of since his debut.

However, tonight, we had what could have been the promo that helps to put this MVP character on the map. As I was hoping, the JBL calling out Long over the Inferno match and MVP’s inclusion in it appears to be going into the direction such that we’re seeing MVP find his balls. The promo he laid down tonight was by FAR the best of his short career where it seemed he found something his character has thus far been lacking, that being, direction and drive. He’s suffered as a result of his inclusion in the Inferno match, and now he’s looking for empathy from the fans, who obviously had none to offer him. He also is now driven to fulfill his destiny to become the WWE WC. Now that’s tough talk and the promo was executed with an eloquence and passion I didn’t think the guy had, at least at this point (certainly I felt it was possible for him to learn/evolve such things). Now if he can wows us with moves in the ring to match the fire and drive he displayed on that mic, I will not only soften my stance against MVP and forgive some of what we’ve seen thus far, but take back my ravings on how this whole Kennedy/MVP versus THE BROTHERS program has been pointless and nonsensical. LOVED this!

(How’s that, friends…two and a half pages of unadulterated Right!)

puRgatory:

Hey, I hear there’s chicks in puRgatory! Of course there are…all the priests are chasing the choir boys in heaven – Okay, I’m not going to dog this stuff at all, because it’s clear that there’s really little room to guess exactly where this is all going, but there was some stuff with the ladies that needs some discussion:

Ashley versus Jillian – We’re all puzzled over the apparent heel turn Jillian (or Jigglin as I like to call her) has undergone, and it puzzles me further, because, if they’re trying to set up some women’s wrestling on SD!, uhm, WHY? There’s a dead Women’s Title division over on Raw…why not trade the wrestling ladies over there and bring back some female valet-type talent? Also, in pairing up Jigglin and Kristal, they’ve effectively managed to turn the two women who can actually wrestle to the same side, leaving Ashley Cousteau and Layla the noob on the face side. I’m at a bit of a loss on this one.

Also, one has to wonder where Vickie is going now that she is still pissed at Benoit and Chavo has turned his back on his aunt…? It appears as if she’s on the verge of snapping, but what that means exactly, who can say…? Watch her get in the mind of Kane and brainwash him into becoming her own personal vessel of destruction in the name of anyone whose hurt her.

Incidentally, speaking of Vickie, there’s a site up where you can actually type in a message and she answers you, right there on the spot! Just go to http://www.planetinneed.com and, after the intro as the site loads, look to the bottom right of the screen and click on “Continue to the Brittleanica planet system”. Then click on the planet called “Da Iry”, then “Click to begin”. Prepare to be amazed!

The wRong:

Not a damn thing!

The Ridiculous:

Well, you know what’s coming – After a superb outing against a definite heavyweight in King Bookah and the boys on commentary doing everything but kissing babies to get Helms over as being an absolute viable heavyweight contender himself, here comes Boogeyman to take a huge dump all over it. Now if this is actually a means to get Helms over in the heavyweight category by eventually going over Boogey, I’ll eat the computer upon which I’m typing. I sincerely hope and pray that’s where this is going. But the fact that this is in Ridiculous displays to you my hope.

And beyond…

Re-establishing Kane – I posed the question a couple weeks ago about how McMahonagement might go about re-establishing Kane as a viable contender and not Big Brother’s little coattail stepper. Throughout mind games, jobbing in crucial matches, humanization and humiliation, finding his inner rage and losing his outer mask, Kane has been used as perhaps the biggest crutch character in the history of WWE and I was seriously wondering if there was any way to restore him to his former glory, especially as he has to be more of a commodity to Vince following the DVD rental/sales returns of “See No Evil”.

Well, only one brave soul, the stalwart Todd Vote, offered a solution:

How do you re-establish Kane? The first thing you would have to do is turn the monster heel. Granted this will be hard to do as he gets the respect cheers, here is what you do:
First off, I must say that I still feel the E screwed the pooch royally by taking Kane’s mask off. So of course step one in re-establishing him as a monster and a threat, is to get that mask back on him. This can simply be done by having MVP waiting backstage after a Kane match to throw a fireball at him as a last ditch revenge effort. It works as Kane face is horribly burnt. We do not see or hear anything from Kane for a few weeks.

Kane starts laughing… then says “The only difference is…this time…I like it!!!” With that he piss pounds the Undertaker from one side of the arena to the next, throws him through a couple car windows, hitting him with pipes, that kind of thing. We are talking a worse beating than Lesnar did on his hand a few years back. UT is a bloody mess, and Kane just walks away. This of course would lead to a match between the two which Kane would have to win to cement his status as a tough cookie.
Kane will have to come out in the winning end of a couple more high profile feuds, to really push it on, before he could start putting over younger talent again, but I really think his character can be brought back to that awe inspiring level it was once at.

Now, as for myself, I had to think as I read this, yeah, I could see this. Then my brain answered itself saying, yeah, prolly cuz I’ve seen it before. Todd, my friend, it’s not that this isn’t a good, solid idea, it is and is a damn site better than anything I could come up with! Thing is, I think what I was looking for was a way to take all of Kane’s loose ends and tie them up into one, cohesive life story so we could look at the character without kinda rolling or eyes the way we do now. Also, as good as Todd’s idea is, the problem with WWE these days isn’t how to get over someone, but how to maintain them as being over, which is where they really dropped the ball with Kane, IMO. But if anyone is up to it, I’d love to see all of Kane’s loose ends ties up…anyone down…?

Aw, crap. I’m on page five and there’s probably an antsy e-mail in my inbox from Larry asking for the R’s this week, so I’m gonna have to postpone discussing Vince and his involvement in helping kill off ECW yet again. I’ll make this work one day…! In the end, thanks for reading and for replying on last week’s topic! Hopefully we’ll get this all settled next week!

Get well, Triple H!

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]

Raw 1.08.07:

The Right:

Hardy vs. Kenny – I liked this little match, and the overall angle that they put on here. First of all I am glad that Hardy sold the cage match effects. Well, either that or he was really hurt. Anyway, I appreciate shit like that. So he and young Kenneth had a match for the IC Title. I would assume the three wins over Flair are what got him the title shot, they never said so, but it makes sense. Anyway the two had a fine little match, nothing to write home about, but a solid match. In the end Nitro came out and tripped up Hardy, and people were buying that Kenneth was about to win the match. But young old Richard snuck out and jacked young Kenneth in his NIZZADS. This allowed Hardy to get a twist and swanton for the win. This just works on so many simple levels. Hardy and Nitro still have problems, and I feel he will cost Jeff the title eventually and we will have the full swing MNM vs. Hardyz feud. As you will see on Smackdown this evening, the other halves of the teams keep this going. Next it keeps the fires burning between Flair and Kenneth. Flair has been beaten repeatedly, and now he is going to give the young man some lessons on revenge. All in all it is just good stuff, simple and to the point booking. It involves titles, hate, jealousy; all of the stuff that can draw the average person into it, and that is good stuff.

Rated RKO Delivers – Rated RKO was promised to come out for some kind of celebration on Raw Monday. I was expecting the same clichéd deal where they gloat, say they are the future and all of that shit. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, especially since I think Orton, for the most part is horrendous on the mic. Instead I was treated to really good work from both Edge and Orton. They said that while DX kept their promise and beat them down, and they did lose the battle, they won the war because HHH is gone. They said DX was don life support and next week they would pull the plug for good. And then HBK made his appearance. He was in a state of pain and shock it looked, something he pulls off well, and said he didn’t know if it was indeed the end of DX. What he knew was that he would be at HHH’s side during surgery, will be at the Alamo Wednesday and would show up next Monday to deal with RKO. I loved this segment. In the past I have been VERY critical of Orton’s promo work, and while this was out of the HHH promo book, 10-minutes to say 3-minutes of material, he actually showed some damn emotion for once, real emotion, not acting class 101: emoting the rookie way emotions. Edge was great, HBK was great as always and this segment really hit a homerun for me.

puRgatory:

Masters vs. Carlito – Why the hell did people pay for the PPV? I hate when they do a rematch the night after the PPV like this. It is truly a slap in the face to people that by the PPV. Granted no one bought the PPV just for these two goofs, but the fact that they don’t think enough of the fans and throw this on TV the next night is just horrendous. So yeah, that pissed me off. But as far as this deal goes, I think I know where they are going with it. It appears as if Masters is jealous over Torrie, and they could have a feud culminating in a match where Carlito loses Torrie, ala Pilman and Dustin w/Marlena. There are worse angles to rip off I suppose and it could be interesting. I’ll leave it here to see if it can develop.

The tag teams go back to the treadmill… – So I am a bit torn on this one. On one hand it is a good thing that some tag teams are getting time on Raw, because up until a few weeks ago they were largely ignored. But all of the sudden they started to get some attention and I started to get a little happy. I will not, as I said before, proclaim a tag team renaissance in WWE, but I have a VERY small amount of hope. I love tag team wrestling. But again I have to use the argument of the PPV issue. These guys were part of the tag turmoil match at the PPV and were the last two teams in that match. One can argue that this was a regular match between them, but it is basically the same. They could have at least shot an angle where Cade and Murdoch jump Cryme Tyme for winning the match as set it up for next week, but unfortunately we got another rehash from the PPV, match wise. So it gets placed here for now and I hope we see more progress in the tag ranks. There is potential there, they just have to book the guys to show it off.

The wRong:

Nothing of Note –

The Ridiculous:

Khali – Yeah…you probably figured that this was coming. First of all, this is one of those good old “FUCK THE BRAND EXTENSION” moves that I hate with a passion. Coach tried to explain it saying it was a new year and contracts were up. First of all, the guy debuted on ECW like 2-months ago. Apparently when he and Davari went there the contracts were up as well. So what he signed a 2-month deal? Secondly, they treat the fans as idiots. All WWE Contracts go from January 1st through December 31st? Sorry my good friends, but while Joe E. Singletooth from But-Fuck Appalachia may buy that horseshit, I don’t. It is piss poor booking. No thought as to continuity, it is just them doing what they do. The reason for the move was, and I quote, “To fill the hole left by HHH.” You are going to fill the “hole” left by a ring general and one of the bigger draws in the company with Khali? A man that was deemed TOO SHITTY A WRESTLER FOR PPV at one point is going to be thrust onto the company’s “A-Show” which just happens to be live. Genius. Then there is the fact that he just arrived in ECW and was involved in a program with Dreamer. This was all to be a part of a program that would hopefully establish Dreamer as the persona ECW fans used to see him as and as part of the Khali push to battle Lashley. While that match would suck, they had a plan for the brand and in the end said fuck it for the “A-Show,” as always. Remember kids, Raw is #1, Smackdown is the bastard stepchild and ECW is a glorified developmental, Mrs. McMahon’s words, not mine…although I agree. In the end I feel that this is all for Hogan, since they are not sure Show will be back. Look for Davari to be moved back to Smackdown as a CW, since they don’t care about ECW. It is things kind of thing that makes me wonder how the hell they make so much money.

The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:

“The Donald vs. Rosie” – First of all some blanket statements.
-Shit like this makes me hate wrestling.
-Shit like this actually makes we want K Fed back.
-This was all for Vince’s own amusement.
-Possibly Worst…Segment…Ever.
-Possibly Worst…Match…Ever.

That all being said, lets discuss the whole deal. It was so bad. They went for the parody deal, got all the footage from the Hollywood Insider shows and tried to make it into a mockery, but what happened was a shit storm of tremendously shitty jokes and a horrendous match. First we had “Rosey” arrive and meet with Vince. She ate a big ass ice cream cake that looked like a whale, and about stabbed Vince when he tried to get a bite. HAHAHA…she…is…fat…HAHAHA. Then “Rosey” visited the diva’s locker room. She showed Candace and Maria pictures and checked then out, and then dropped the pictures so she could check out Maria’s ass. HAHAHA…she…is…a…lesbian…HAHAHA. Oh the hilarity. We then saw “The Donald” getting approximately 19 cans of hair spray being put on. You see, he has wacky hair and it’s a joke…HAHAHA. Hilarity ensues. And then we go onto the, well, match. Vince got to come out and introduce them, he got to use the word lesbian in several forms, which probably got him off. So he announced them and we were off. Horrendous is the best word I can use here. “Rosey” played the fat powerful role, and “The Donald” had a tremendous hair butt. The only thing I can say here is that Ace Steele was hilarious as Trump, but this doesn’t mean I want to see this shit on my wrestling shows. “The Donald” won after an illegal cake shot, followed by a diving hair butt for the pin. This was so bad, I stopped watching for the night and let the tape run. During the match people chanted boring, TNA and possibly VKM. That is rather interesting considering to WWE, TNA doesn’t exist.

Also…It is stupid because:
-It makes no sense.
-It is a waste of precious TV and PPV time.
-It has no payoff.
-It will make no money.

So in closing, let me say again:
-Shit like this makes me hate wrestling.
-Shit like this actually makes we want K Fed back.
-This was all for Vince’s own amusement.
-Possibly Worst…Segment…Ever.
-Possibly Worst…Match…Ever.

ECW on Sci-Fi!: 1.09.07:

The Right:

Brad Armstrong – Now this week things make more sense. Armstrong was out there the whole time as a third announcer, and instead of jabbing with Tazz the WHOLE time, they had more solid interplay and it came off much better. I really feel as if Tazz’s time is limited with the company, and they are grooming Armstrong to take over for him, which is fine. Tazz and Styles have been mailing it in as of late, and Armstrong is fresh and doing “well.” He is no Solie, JR or JBL, but is good and should improve.

Lashley vs. RVD…and Test is mad! – I will admit, after this week’s match it is pretty obvious that RVD and Lashley have some solid chemistry. Lashley still shows a lot of greenness when he is in there with anyone not named Finaly, but he also shows a lot of signs of improvements. In these matches with RVD he has shown that he can play the power man really well. RVD is great at the rag doll selling aspect and overall they work well together. The crowd was more into things this week, which is good. They are in a tough situation with both of them being faces but the crowds are finding ways to respond. The match was good, and while the Test run in was predictable, it works well in what they have build to with Test being frustrated he lost the voting for the match, and then RVD gets another match while he gets nothing. This is obviously setting up for a 3-way down the line, I figure first we’ll see Test vs. RVD and then Test vs. Lashley, all leading to the big three way. Or they will piss it away and do it next week. Who knows. Anyway, good stuff here.

puRgatory:

Burke calls out the Sandman – This week Mr. Knock Out Elijah Burke came out to the ring and challenged anyone in the arena. He kept Terkay in the back because he was confident that he could take anyone out. This brought out the Sandman and they had an altercation, unfortunately for Burke it wasn’t fisticuffs, but involved the cane. They stared down afterwards and that was that. This was fine because Burke has jack shit to do and most people probably forgot that Sandman was in ECW. But they have to actually carry an angle out this time. Sandman has done shit and Burke and Terkay have been jobbing or running the treadmill since arrival. It has promise, but I refuse to get to excited until I see where this goes.

The wRong:

Punk vs. Holly – First of all let me say that the match was good stuff. Nothing you’ll remember in a few weeks or anything, but it was a good match. The important thing is that Punk is learning to adapt to the WWE style. Holly isn’t going to change the way he does shit for anyone, and that meant that Punk had to change and I feel he did that well. But I feel that him losing the way that he lost was very bad. Once again I will say, it is not the fact that he lost, but HOW he lost. Also, yes he lost in the EC match, but in singles and on TV where the majority of people see him, he was “undefeated” and booked very strongly. If Holly had cheated, won though nefarious means or what not, that would have been fine I feel, because the people can get behind that. The fans hate when the faces get screwed. Instead Punk hit the post and got the Alabama Slam applied and lost CLEAN as hell. This was bad because:

-Punk was not protected: Holly dominated the majority of the match. Punk didn’t get much in, and in the end the way he lost I feel made him look weak.

-Part of the crowd popped for Holly: When Holly won there was no booing or bullshit chants, instead a small pop for Holly. That is not what they wanted.

-Build: There was no importance, fanfare or build to this loss.

In the end, Punk has lost any and all momentum since losing so quickly in the Elimination Chamber. His career is NOT dead like so many are saying, I mean, it is a loss, but I don’t like the way that they did it.

The Ridiculous:

Khali kills Dreamer, Raw is #1…ECW is #20! – So since they “need” Khali on Raw, the feud with Dreamer is over, he gets killed quickly on TV and we all remember that Raw is #1 and ECW and Smackdown don’t matter. Just…FN…GLORIOUS. I ranted enough about Khali in the Raw R’s already, so this is it.

Match #9 – Sting and Christian Cage defeated Jeff Jarrett and Monty Brown @ 14:40 via pin ***

The Right:

Joe vs. Daniels – Without doubt this was the match of the night for me. I love the match ups with Joe, AJ and Daniels, as they always bring it and bring such a sense of realism to their matches. For 13-minutes they had a great match, with Daniels doing everything he could to stop Joe’s offense, but eventually it was all for not. Joe would get him on the floor and deliver the devastating OLAY kick to Daniels, which busted him open. Joe was then relentless as he tried to “end Daniels career.” He not only hit one muscle buster, but a second on a chair as AJ Styles came out to watch on. Joe would then start to kick Daniels in the head repeatedly, and then delivered some vicious PRIDE like knee drops until AJ Styles threw in the towel to save him.

The ending, while not fully making sense (we’ll discuss that later) was great, Joe was a killing machine, Daniels wouldn’t give up and AJ throwing in the towel will only help build stories; which I feel will lead back to a 3-way with these guys, hopefully at Lockdown as I predicted.

Generation Next is on a roll, and I got to see JERRY FN LYNN! – First off props to Chris Sabin for trying to change his appearance up a bit. Some bleaching and a ring jacket and he looks like Terry FN Taylor! That’s bananas in my book.

Onto Generation Next. This match was a great choice for the opener and it delivered. A lot of people thought I rated it too low, but I feel it lacked a little for me to go any higher. Shelley, Strong and Aries work damn good together, and are making it seem like they belong at the top of the division. Another good outing by them and they have shown their dominance as a team, now I look for them to start showing off in singles soon.

Also, I love that Jerry FN Lynn, the father of the X Division is looking on to see how they do. It adds something special to it I think, like he wants to mentor them, but see if they are worthy first. Also, Dave Hebner was looking on again. He has been explained as a TNA consultant, but nothing else, which builds some intrigue.

“He’s still got it…clap, clap, clap clap clap!” – He didn’t look all roided up, but he also didn’t look flabby and out of shape. When he was announced and came out, he got a huge reaction from the Orlando faithful and you could tell that he was moved. The match was a good match, and when he was in he looked good. He didn’t seem to blow up or be that off his game, just a moment or two of confusion I think about running the ropes. He got the pin on JJ, after some teased dissention between he and Cage and the crowd went home happy. Where they go from here will be interesting, and I am curious as to where he goes from here.

The James Gang, LAX and Ron Killings – I am really enjoying the angle. The LAX got a win in the Pre-Show, while the James Gang got a win on the PPV. Some bitched that they should have had a match at this PPV, but I disagree. You have to have some more build, and also give Homicide some time to heal up. They also need to keep working on Killings, trying to pull him to one side over the other. This is good story telling here, and I for one an actually caring about Konnan and Apollo, so they are doing something right.

The wRong:

Just There – This PPV to me just had too much, “just there” type things to me this month. The James Gang vs. The Diamonds in the Rough was useless basically, it was just to have BG and Kip work together. It made no sense though as the LAX were on the Pre-show, why wasn’t their match on the PPV? Two teams trying to establish their dominance going into a feud? What is a shame is that the LAX vs. James Gang feud has been great the last few weeks, but the ring work will never live up to the writing.

So the Diamonds vs. James Gang was, well just there. Not to offensive, but there. AJ vs. Tanahashi wasn’t bad, but far from the great matches that fans are used to from AJ Styles on PPV. Roode and Killings was “ok,” but it lacked heat and seemed just there as well. Raven vs. X SUCK was ok for a garbage match, but no one really seemed that motivated and the crowd didn’t seem to care that much. There was just too much stuff that didn’t seem to belong, and it drug down the PPV.

Namedropping – I really think that it is stupid to namedrop people that aren’t in or never will be in the promotion. Jeff Jarrett and Christian are both guilty of this. JJ made a comment about people not being able to trust Christian, just ask “his brother and Chris Jericho.” Christian came back saying, “yeah, go ask my brother and Chris Jericho…on second thought, that’s a bad idea.” What the hell does Edge have to do with TNA storylines. Nothing! They have namedropped Jericho a few times, so either he told Christian to go for it, they are doing it because people dig Jericho, or maybe there is a chance that he is coming in.

The Ridiculous:

WTF Was up with these finishes! – Dear lord there were jacked up finishes all night long. Tanahashi vs. AJ Styles was ruined by the Shannon Moore run in. Couldn’t they have done this after the match? The crowd really hated this and they made it known as they totally SHAT on the finish.

I can accept the finishes in the Raven match as well as the Killings match because they are building the feuds.

Then, then my friends was the AMW vs. Team 3D match. I understand what they were going for here. They wanted to truly screw 3D out of the titles, hence building heat for a rematch in where they will finally beat the odds and win the titles in a glorious moment. That is all well and good. Except that this was possibly the DUMBEST FINISH I HAVE EVER SEEN! The ref saw Gail bring the powder in, he then got blinded and ended up counting a pin. How did he know that there were shoulders down? Answer that one. Then, he gets his eyes cleaned as Team Canada lays out Team 3D and lays AMW on top of them. He ref sees it and awards the match to AMW? WTF!

I loved the end for the Daniels vs. Joe match, but one thing. AJ Styles wasn’t Daniels “second or manager.” What right did he have to throw a towel in? Makes no sense.

People will not continue to pay money for this stuff, they need to fix it.

TNA “Rules” – Has anyone really noticed over the last few months that every TNA match has it’s own set of rules? To quote Steve Cook, “TNA has the worst referees known to man!” People will not continue to pay money for this stuff, they need to fix it.

The Ri-GOD-DAMN-Diculous!

X-Pacc? Stupid FN TNA! – Wow, do I even have to explain why I HATE HIM BEING BACK? Let’s refresh this argument, shall we?

Talk about someone that took a golden opportunity and flushed it down the toilet. Now back in May I believe I was all for getting rid of him. He was being unprofessional and was looking like shit in the ring. I felt TNA had no use for him and I didn’t want to see him on PPV.

Sean no showed the PPV; in essence making a mockery of the tournament and almost ruining a Tag Title match at the PPV. Basically he used these great matches and is trying to get back with the WWE. That is fine, more power to him. If he wants back in the WWE and wants to make more money, that is his choice. But as a wrestling fan I was insulted that he fucked TNA, Alex Shelley, the Candido Tournament and everyone paying for that show. He should have had the integrity to show up.

Now that we are all caught up, WHY did they bring this guy back? Dear lord this was a stupid FN decision! You have guys on that roster that are busting their asses for the 3 minutes a week they get, if that, and you bring back captain no show? The worst part is that they could have gotten someone better for the Raven angle. Bring back Kanyon under the Mortis mask, Mike Awesome, Sandman, Sabu, Axl Rotten, some-FN-body from ECW, anyone that would have actually showed up and people would have cared about, not X SUCK! It is being reported that there are no other plans to use Sean Waltman following his appearance at Final Resolution on Sunday. I refuse to believe this because there were no plans on using him after his last no-show. For all the good things you guys do, you sure know how to make some stupid decisions.

Closing thoughts:
-Best Match: Samoa Joe defeated Christopher Daniels @ 15:45 via towel thrown in ****¼
-Worst Match: The James Gang defeated The Diamonds in the Rough @ 7:50 via pin *
-Score: 6.0
There was a lot of good story stuff on this PPV, as well as “good” matches. When I say good, I mean that they were ok and I didn’t feel ripped off. Sting’s debut came off as a hue deal and Joe vs. Daniels rocked. But there were too many shit finished on the show, and the overall quality was down from other shows. I have to go thumbs in the middle for this show. There was some solid stuff, but not enough to tell you to spend money on the show. Check out Joe vs. Daniels if you can, and maybe Sting’s match to check him out, as well as the crowd reactions he got but that’s about it.

READER RANT TIME!

From Dan –

I know the criticism of this week’s IMPACT will be “no wrestling” but if TNA is trying to get you to buy a ppv, then HOLY SHIT I am in. Think about the star potential of Final Resolution and then laugh at WWE and New Year’s Rev and the Rumble together. Already listed are:

Angle vs. Joe III – 30 minute Ironman (guaranteed 4+ stars)
Abyss vs. Cage vs. Sting – Elimination match for the World Title (certainly has a great buildup)
Daniels vs. Lynn vs. Sabin – Triple Threat for the X-Title (Guaranteed 4 stars)
LAX vs. 3-D – Tag Titles – (If done as an all out brawl can be great)
AJ vs. Rhino – Last Man Standing – (Good match last month + brutal stipulation should make this great)

Those 5 matches are worth the $30 for the ppv, and add to that a probable Harris vs. Storm match, and maybe Shelley vs. Starr and this has all the makings of an early PPV of the Year 2007. Especially considering the WWE is main eventing Umaga, and pushing for a Batista/Undertaker WM main event.

And finally from Nick –

I know you were sick of Russo months ago, and it was at a point where he (or, rather, *his booking*) was tolerable to me. But it isn’t anymore. I used to love watching Impact, I’d never miss it. I’d watch Raw occasionally if the Monday Night Football game wasn’t good (or contained any players from my Fantasy Football team), but…Impact I’d go out of my way to watch. Not anymore. Is there anyone on the planet right now who thinks Russo is doing a good job? Hell, forget about “good job”, how about “adequate job”. I can’t even give him that. Leticia could book better wrestling than him (and look better while doing it).

I hope for the love of God that Cornette stays and somehow gets Russo canned. Otherwise, I think I’m done with TNA. Like you said in the recent 3Rs column…what happened to the wrestling? For a company that says that they’re the alternate, *the* source of wrestling (and not interviews, tits, and Vince’s ass on tv), they sure in the hell don’t do a lot of wrestling anymore. God help us if they do get their 2 hour time slot…then what do we go to…10 minutes of wrestling?

Fire Russo, someone. Please.

For more interesting information on wrestling, check out Bryan Alvarez and Figure Four Weekly Online, Mike Campbell over at SPLASH MOUNTAIN and Dr. Keith Lipinski over at Puroresu Power!

Thanks for joining us, PEACE!