The Sunday Morning Hangover 1.14.07: The Class of ’98

It was partially age-related, the rest product. MSD circa 1995, BHS Freshman and only built 4 cuban linx. Inspired by the Spurs and Celtics, worn out by boring IRS preliminary matches. WRESTLEMANIA XI was the last PPV I watched, the rest just disappeared in the wind. Wrestling was dead and went into that old cardboard box with the MARVEL SUPERHERO trading cards and Three Stooges videos.

Fast forward to senior year. Somewhere in the cusp of ’97-98 I’m channel surfing in my grandfathers apartment for something good. One click of the dial led me to a guy I recognized from my PRO WRESTLING ILLUSTRATED days; Brian Pillman. And he was clutching a muthaphuckkin gun. I think you know where I’m going with this. Yes, through some bizarre and mystical force of destiny I caught the live airing of WWE’s highly-controversial Pillman/Austin firearm incident on Monday Night RAW. Was it sheer coincidence and blind luck? The marijuana tells me no, so lets be realistic. It must’ve been fate. True story.

From there I distinctly remember the first promised in-ring match between Austin and VKM Jr, and almost losing my mind in anticipation. That shit right there was one of the catalysts in my wrestling rebirth. The game was at a level I had never seen before. Cuz right when I should have taken the rap route and went underground, I cancelled out. Back in ’95 I just tuned out the sport entirely, instead of focusing on positive alternatives (like the original ECW) that could have prolonged my exposure. If I had done that, maybe I would have continued to watch wrestling during my High School dark days. I would have seen the eventual adoption of ECW mannerisms into the more mainstream WWE and WCW establishments. But as it was, D-Generation X, Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock were the first I saw of this new breed of attitude in pro wrestling. Just like DMX, I was back on the pipe.

This brings me to the first PPV I ordered during my reentry. January 18th, 1998. ROYAL RUMBLE. Allow me to indulge in some magic brownies with you as we take it back to Broken City.

• House party at a friends house, I pitched the RUMBLE PPV and things were agreed. Said I’d spring for it but I never did. Shit was on in the living room, people passed through on their way from the kitchen to the front room. It was an igloo we were working out of, so Eskimos came through on the regular for a snowball. Everybody has to pass by the PPV at some point or another, so I remember plenty of comments. Goldust and Luna were a hit, so were the LOD (who one guy remembered from the Rocco era). But the biggest bong-induced gag festival had to due with the midget match. It was still early enough in the card that everybody’s attention span hadn’t worn out yet, so it was our evenings most-watched match. I never heard so many leprechaun and dwarf jokes in my life. Absolutely ridiculous shit.

• I was really anxious to see the Ken Shamrock/Rock showdown for the IC title. That was one of the main reasons I pitched the show so hard to my boy. We used to watch Ken Shamrock in his old UFC days, and we loved the guy. It’s a 9-year old memory, but I remember thinking a couple parts of this match were real sloppy. Some of The Rock‘s punches and turnbuckle beatdowns on Ken looked gay and fake. I only remember this so vividly because I recall second guessing myself and wondering if I hyped up my return to wrestling too much. The crazy finish with a reversed win and DQ was well-received though.

• Oddly enough I barely remember much of the actual RUMBLE itself. I do remember Stone Cold Steve Austin won it, but I can’t even remember who he eliminated. There was a point during the night where this little coke-head cutie pie and I had an interlude that involved front bags and a bathroom butt-fucking. Remember kids, bitches will do anything for some blow.

• What I do recall very vividly is the Shawn Michaels versus Undertaker match for the WWE title. A match I would later learn busted up Shawn‘s back for good. I do remember that bump in particular, especially in hindsight. But at the time it didn’t look anything like a career ending mistake. They carried on the match like nothing was wrong, so props to them. But the illest shit here was when Kane buried Undertaker in the coffin and LIT THE SHIT ON FIRE. To a 17-year old MSD fucked up on whatever the hell we were doin that night, this was a tremendous spectacle. A mind-bending illusion that erased any prior doubts I might have had about the sport. Wrestling was dope and I was back on the needle.

THE OUTRO
A few random bullets as my mind spray. My mind’s a nine, my pen a mac-10. My target – all you wack suckers that started writing.

• I know I’ve mentioned the TNA/WWE collusion before, but it bears mentioning again. As we near Monty Brown‘s first possible ROYAL RUMBLE match, it’s obvious that Kurt Angle wasn’t given to TNA, but in fact traded for a young lion WWE can rebuild and push to the moon. I’m eager to see how big a superstar they can make him, if only they can tone down his overacting and overall cheese appeal.

• Love the new show ARMED & FAMOUS. I only started watching it cuz of Trish, and she hasn’t disappointed. She’s the only muthaphuckker volunteering to get SHOT with a tazer gun. The rest of them just asked for the clips. Estrada seems cool, I hate Jackson while Osbourne and Pee Wee are dispensable (although watching Pee Wee chase a shoplifter through the store was hilarious). The only place I’ve heard of Muncie, Indiana is in Knights of the Dinner Table cartoons, so I couldn’t even imagine the crack head population was so big. But it just goes to prove an old Geto Boys point – the world is a ghetto.

• So what’s up with the Voodoo Kin Mafia making Triple H tear his other quad? I love to be a fan and imagine these guys really are at war. That the dark karmic energy V.K.M. conjured has struck their enemy down. Road Dogg and Billy Gunn come off as bitter has-beens during most of their DX-mocking skits, even though most of what they speak is true. Come to think of it, Rhyno sounded the same way when he trashed the ECW title. But it still makes for exciting and controversial TV. Road Dogg is the best natural speaker of them all, and cuts real intense promos. But “perception is reality” and who really thinks the former Ass-man and Road Dogg could beat HBK and HHH? Even on their worse day. And the whole Mexican shit is just as wack as “Vince loves cock” (but not as bad as V.K.M.‘s old parody of Team 3D).

• Speaking of Mexican, I still love L.A.X. Good luck to Konnan, this was the best I’d ever seen him in his career (short of that rap video he dropped in WCW – I liked that shit). I’ve seen Homicide a few times on the independent circuit and always thought he was an exciting prospect. I like what TNA has down with him so far. Their entrance, appearance and moves like Spike Dudley‘s powerbomb on the ladder make L.A.X the most exciting and entertaining stable in pro wrestling today.

• I’m very disappointed I won’t get to see Paul Heyman when the first set of ECW action figures comes out (yeah right). But I am still pissed they cancelled their Fall River house show a few months ago. Lashley as ECW champion is so great, but is really lacking something. His win at December to Dismember was anticlimactic (and about 45 minutes too short) just like his first main even title defense against RVD. The second one wasn’t any better, even though we all knew it would never be conclusive. I hope they’re not setting him up to be the next Rhino.

• Hulk Hogan pulls a Jadakiss when he airs a private WWE conversation live on the radio. Remember when Jada played Green Lantern‘s call for the DVD cameras? Then got fired and exorcised from the Shady Records camp? Hogan’s departure from the same radio show (allegedly as a result of an angry call from VKM Jr) could be the same thing.

• Hardcore Holly‘s victory over CM Punk could be the damp blanket for Punk‘s slow smolder to the top.

* Fuck Ron Killings, my man Elijah Burke is the muthaphuckkin TRUTH.

Until next time, this is MSD reminding you “never get high on your own supply”.
peace,