The Goodness 01.17.07: What Happened to the Divas?

Hello loyal readers of the Goodness and a hearty welcome to those joining us for the first time. Due to a change in my work schedule, this column will now be appearing each Wednesday morning as opposed to Tuesday morning. I doubt this means a drastic change in anyone’s Interweb habits but just a head’s up I guess. I believe the site does far more traffic on Tuesday morning because of Raw and such, so if you don’t go to the site on Wednesday, you should. Of course, if you’re reading this, it’s Wednesday thus rendering my previous sentence moot. I’ll stop rambling now…

Since the dawn of Hulkamania in the early 1980’s, the WWF/E has produced or been home to the biggest female stars and personalities in the wrestling business. From Miss Elizabeth to Sensational Sherri to Sable to Trish Stratus, it seems like the WWE has always had at least one marketable and recognizable female on the roster. So why am I beginning my column by stating fact? Because it’s no longer a fact.

In the past two years, the WWE has lost arguably its three most recognizable females – Trish Stratus, Lita and Stacy Keibler. I’ve written in this space before about my belief that Trish Stratus is the greatest female wrestler in history, or at least history that I’ve seen. She was gorgeous, she was charismatic, she was athletic and she knew the business. It’s tough to beat that. Lita probably made the WWE more money than any other female has during her run in 2000 with the Hardy Boys when thousands of teenage girls flocked to shows and she re-invented herself as a primo heel with Edge in 2006. As for Keibler, she was just simply one of the most beautiful women on the planet and, well, we liked looking at her.

But as time has shown us, the female stars in the WWE don’t hang around. For one reason or another they disappear while male star after male star hang on for far too long. Is it really necessary for grandfather Ric Flair to be jiggling in the ring these days without his shirt on? I have loved Flair like most other wrestling fans, but it’s time. It’s time to hang them up Ric.

There is a new crop of hot chicks with fake breasts and some talented, attractive wrestlers but the WWE apparently does not feel like giving any of these women a chance to actually become stars. With the exception of Melina, how many have an ample time on the microphone to cut a promo? Maria is the only beauty with a true personality and that is based on the fact she’s portrayed as gorgeous idiot. Wow, I’m sure women will find her inspiring. Talents like Mickie James and Victoria, at one time pushed, are reduced to fighting in minor feuds that serve as filler between DX and Donald Trump skits. On SmackDown, I don’t even know the names of half the random t’n’a (not the company) floating around.

So why do I care? I mean, I’m a guy, right? I love boobies. I love ass. I love women. And you’d be right. But you know what’s funny? The female characters I find most attractive, whether it’s in a movie, on a television or in wrestling, are the ones I genuinely like. It’s – gasp – just like in real life when a blonde can be super hot but if she’s annoying, well you might end up dating her funny, smart, cute friend instead of her. That’s how life works. As much as men like to make believe we only care about some big ol’ titties, we do deep-down like women.

The WWE at this point is not really giving us likable women. They’re not giving us Sable in 1998 – the vivacious beauty who did not take junk from anybody. They’re not giving us Miss Elizabeth in the 80’s – the picture-perfect women who stood by her man. Heck, they’re not even giving us Stacy Keibler who was just stunning but always a tease in that ‘wink, wink, you want it but can’t have it’ sort of way.

What happened? In my opinion, Vince McMahon and the WWE have tired of females being made into stars and then bolting. Since Sable left the WWE in 1999, almost every female star has left at one point or another to pursue something else. Even Chyna got too full of herself and tried to strike out on her own. Why would Stacy Keibler stick around to shake her ass in a wrestling ring when she can get paid the same, if not more, to try to act in a sitcom that will most likely fail?

And therein lies the problem. The WWE does not want to give its female stars an opportunity to really get over once they show the possibility of becoming true crossover stars because that likely means the female is one step closer to leaving. I saw Maria in the first Diva Search, constantly referring to her ‘sex eyes’ on this website, and knew she had potential. Obviously, so did the WWE but now they have kept her in a holding pattern. On the flip side, when a woman is as beautiful as Maria, there are many, many opportunities for her to leave and still be successful. A beautiful woman who can hold a mic? Maria could make $1 million-a-year tomorrow from ESPN.

The point of this column is simply that I would like to see the WWE integrate their women into storylines more. Some of the most interesting angles in history – hello Miss Elizabeth – have involved women prominently. I want to care about the women on my screen during Raw and SmackDown. In fact, TNA has been doing a very good job of using talents like Gail Kim to further feuds. Why can’t the WWE do that? Am I asking too much again?

Before I go, please take a second if you feel inclined to visit my sports site, TooMuchSports.com as it’s all new and revamped. If you like sports, you’ll probably (hopefully) like it.