Schmozzes & Screwjobs 01.23.07

So I was feeling tremendously ill over this past weekend, no doubt the effects of my three day drinking spree as I celebrated my birthday last Wednesday, and I decided to treat myself to a few new wrestling DVDs. So on Saturday I go into my local music/video/DVD store HMV and head to the “Sport and Fitness” section and to my delight see that they finally have some TNA stuff in stock. This is the first time I’ve seen TNA DVDs available in any store around my area so. Unfortunately they didn’t exactly have the biggest selection available, on the contrary, they had just 3; The Best of Samoa Joe Vol. 1, Lockdown 2006, and The Best of the Bloodiest Brawls Vol. 1. Typically I didn’t have enough cash on me to purchase all three along with Unforgiven 06 which I had already decided I’d get, so I purchased the Bloodiest Brawls as I hadn’t seen several of the matches on there. The only other TNA DVD I own is a poor quality copy of Turning Point 2005 which features Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles for the X Title in an awesome match as well as Abyss vs. Sabu in the famous Barbed Wire Massacre. For those who don’t know, here’s the line-up on TNA’s Best of Bloodiest Brawls.

Monster’s Ball – Victory Road 2004: Abyss vs. Monty Brown vs. Raven
Six Sides Of Steel – Turning Point 2004: AMW vs. Triple X
Full Metal Mayhem – Destination X 2005: Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss
Six Sides Of Steel – Lockdown 2005: AJ Styles vs. Abyss
House of Fun – Hard Justice 2005: Raven vs. Sean Waltman
Dog Collar Match – No Surrender 2005: Raven vs. Abyss
Tag Team Match – Sacrifice 2005: Raven and Sabu vs. Jeff Jarrett and Rhino
Monster’s Ball 2 – Bound For Glory 2005: Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss vs. Rhino vs. Sabu
Tag Team Match – Genesis 2005: Team 3D and Rhino vs. Jeff Jarrett and AMW
Barbed Wire Massacre – Turning Point 2005: Sabu vs. Abyss

That’s one line-up I just couldn’t pass up for £15. On the way home I decide to stop in at my local pub for a few quick drinks (not the smartest decision I’ve ever made) and as soon as I get home I promptly throw up. Twice. Never mind, it’s not the first time and it damn sure won’t be the last. So I’ve now got a choice of Unforgiven 2006, which is a great pay-per-view offering in itself, the Bloodiest Brawls Vol. 1 or I could’ve made a start on the box set of the American Pie films I was given for my birthday. The latter would’ve probably been the best choice considering the sickly condition I was in, but I opted for the Bloodiest Brawls disc instead. I know, I’m a sucker for punishment. So after three and a half hours of TNA’s most brutal and bloody fights ever, you’d think I’d be feeling even worse than I did before, but what d’you know, I came out cured. Not only did I no longer feel ill, but I was able to resume drinking again that night, so all was good again with the world. That’s right, blood is the cure, my friends.

Record Time Reviews By Mr. Wilcox!
Abyss vs. Monty Brown vs. Raven – This was just a good hardcore match with some sweet spots. ***

America’s Most Wanted vs. Triple X – I’m ashamed to say that this was the first time I’d watched this match, regarding by many as TNA’s greatest match ever, famous for Elix Skipper’s cage-walk hurricanrana. Believe the hype. To quote Orlando; “that was awesome!” ****¾

Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss – I really enjoyed the series of matches between Abyss and Hardy and this was a lot of fun and had some cool spots in there as well. ****

AJ Styles vs. Abyss – Another great match! The early stuff outside of the cage is fantastic, and some of the stuff inside was insane. ****

Raven vs. Sean Waltman – Waltman’s attire is so cool. And X-Factor were the coolest stable EVER! Considering this match wasn’t scheduled (Hardy no-showed) they did really well. More hardcore goodness from TNA and staple guns > cheesegraters. ***¼

Raven vs. Abyss – Another brutal brawl, but I feel it dragged on a little in the middle and towards the end. Still a fun match. ***

Rhino and Jeff Jarrett vs. Sabu and Raven – This match pretty much proves that Matt Hardy copies Raven’s move set. Watch it and you’ll see what I mean. ***½

Sabu vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Rhino vs. Abyss – SWANTON FROM THE FUCKIN’ ENTRANCE TO THE FLOOR! Jeff Hardy is responsible for half of my favourite moments in wrestling of all time. ****¼

Team 3D and Rhino vs. Jeff Jarrett and AMW – Your typical TNA Main Event-style brawl with a few extra cool spots thrown in just for fun. ***

Sabu vs. Abyss – Bloody and brutal. Full stop. Or, period, as you Americans say. ***¼

Overall – Easy recommendation. A fantastic DVD to own, not a single match under *** and several unforgettable moments on just over three and a half hours of brutality. 10.

The Screwjob: Royally Screwed
WWE Championship Match: Kurt Angle © vs. Triple H
Royal Rumble 2001 – January 21 2001
Stone Cold Steve Austin screws ‘The Game’

OK so as we’re just days away from the Royal Rumble I figured it’d be fun to look back to a Rumble of old. The original plan was to do Royal Rumble 1999 and Mr. McMahon’s win, but that would be fairly pointless considering that wrong was righted what, the next night on Raw? So in an ironic turn of events we’ve now got Austin doing the screwing.

Background Information: Way back in November of 1999, Stone Cold was run over in the parking lot at Survivor Series. When the Rattlesnake returned 10 months later, Rikishi of all people revealed that it was he who ran down Austin, but he did it for Triple H. Austin destroyed Rikishi in a No Holds Barred Match at No Mercy and then set his sights on the man that orchestrated the hit and run, Triple H. At Survivor Series 2000, the pair met in an hellacious No Disqualification Match that went 25 minutes and spilled out into the parking lot, where The Game had set up an elaborate plan to run down Austin once more. But Stone Cold had other ideas, and he used a fork lift to hoist the car that Triple H was in, 40 foot into the air, and dropped it to the ground below with The Game still inside.

8 days later on Raw, Austin had a title opportunity against Kurt Angle. In the latter stages of the match, Austin nailed the champion with a Stone Cold Stunner and covered Angle, but Triple H returned and dragged the referee from the ring before he could count the inevitable 3 count. The Game nailed the referee and brawled with Austin. Stone Cold appeared to be in control of the fight until Triple H pulled a led pipe out of his jacket and began beating Austin down with it. Austin was left a bloody mess at the end of the night and Triple H stood dominant. Austin would be out for revenge.

How? Once again I browsed the 411 Archives and found J.D. Dunn’s coverage of the match. Thank you Mr Dunn.

They fight off a wristlock sequence. Angle gets a Fireman’s Carry. Angle clotheslines Triple H over the top, prompting “Angle Sucks” chants. Angle starts to dominate. He backflips out of a backdrop suplex and gives Triple H a pair of vertical suplexes. They head to the outside where Triple H smacks him around. Back in, Hunter gets a reverse Indian Deathlock to start the damage on Kurt’s leg. He Dragon Screws Kurt’s leg, but Kurt comes back with an enziguri. Hunter shrugs it off and stays on the leg. Angle reverses a whip to the corner, sending Triple H over the top to take the “Triple H bump.” Triple H tries to crotch him against the ringpost, but Kurt pulls him into the post instead. Angle misses a charge to the corner. Stephanie distracts the ref while Triple H wraps Angle’s leg around the ringpost and WHACKS it with a chair. Hunter dives into the knee again, splashing it against the ropes. He locks in a side Indian Deathlock to work the knee even further. Kurt starts to come back, but Hunter cuts that off with a facebuster. Triple H slaps on the figure-four and uses the ropes. Trish slides in tying to get the ref’s attention, so Stephanie pulls her out and a catfight erupts. Vince McMahon walks down and breaks it up. That gets the biggest reaction of the match. Angle counters a second figure-four attempt to a small package for two. Triple H clotheslines him and goes for a third one. Angle pushes him into the turnbuckle. A DDT follows. ONE, TWO, THRE–NO! Angle atomic drops him in a rare lapse of psychology for Angle. Well, he was just out of his rookie year here. Angle goes up for a moonsault, but Triple H lowblows him (in full view of the ref) and counters to the Razor’s Edge. ONE, TWO, THRE–NO! Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Angle counters to a slingshot, except Hunter counters THAT by pushing Angle to the turnbuckle. Angle bounces off and accidentally headbutts Triple H in the baby batter-maker. Unfortunately, Angle ruins the moment by cracking a brief smile. Hunter sends him out. He tries to follow, but takes out the ref instead. Back in, Hunter goes up. Angle runs up the ropes and arm drags Hunter down. Of course, the ref is still out. Triple H grabs the title and charges right into a belly-to-belly from Angle. Now Angle has the title, but he charges into a Pedigree. Still no ref. Steve Austin runs down and assaults Triple H for running him over and all. BELTSHOT! STUNNER! ONE, TWO, THREE! (24:16) Pretty good effort for two guys who were barely involved in their own match. ***½

Analysis: This screwjob helped to accomplish a couple of things. 1. It set up nicely for the events of later that night, and for those who don’t know;

Later that night, Stone Cold entered #27 in the Royal Rumble match. While making his way to the ring, Austin was attacked by the man he had screwed earlier, Triple H. The Game bloodied Austin using equipment that was around the entrance area before being dragged to the back by referees and officials. Austin eventually recovered and made it to the ring. Austin eliminated Kane to become the first three-time winner of the Royal Rumble, a moment made all the more special after the beatdown on the way to the ring.

It also led to one of my favourite matches of all time at No Way Out the next months. Triple H and Stone Cold met one more time in an awesome 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match which Triple H came out on top of.

Royal Rumble Roulette Concludes!

So just we’re just five days away from the 20th annual Royal Rumble. The event will be headlined by The Animal, Batista defending the World Heavyweight Championship against SmackDown’s fastest rising star, Mr Kennedy, and John Cena and Umaga going head-to-head in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship. And of course, 30 Superstars from Raw, SmackDown and ECW collide for a chance to main-event WrestleMania and challenge for any of the three World Championships. So we’ve already taken a look at the chances of the guys from SmackDown and ECW, so now it’s time to wrap this series up by looking at the Raw Superstars! Conveniently for me, 25 of the Superstars who are participating in the Rumble this year have already been confirmed, and surprise, surprise, Raw inexplicably has more guys than the other two brands. Because Viscera really needs to be in this match. Anyway, on with the show!

Raw

WWE Champion: John Cena

Number 1 Contender: Umaga

Ric Flair: I would LOVE for the Nature Boy to have one last run a World title, and WrestleMania would be the only place it’d be worth doing. But it won’t be happening this year. For those of you who had noticed Ric Flair has become stale since his feud with Mick Foley last summer. He’s spent most of his time on his back, getting embarrassed by rookies and beaten up by Rated RKO. Flair’s chances are slim to none.

Shelton Benjamin: Does somebody want to explain to me why Shelton’s in this match, and his tag team partner Charlie Haas is not. I realise Benjamin is still more over than Haas as he’s been a mid-carder for a few years whereas Haas has spent the last year on Heat, but this just says to me WWE are not serious about a tag team division on Raw. On to Benjamin’s chances, yeah, he has none.

Edge: The Rated R Superstar has got to be one of the few favourites to win this year. Apart from the obvious fact that he is a heel, the only reason I don’t think Edge will be going over is because he has been feuding with John Cena over the WWE Championship for the last 12 months. Although a huge blow-off of the Cena/Edge is probably coming somewhere down the line, I wouldn’t want them to hook up again for a while longer. Expect Edge to make the final four.

Johnny Nitro: While I think Nitro could be headlining pay-per-views by the end of the year, I don’t see Johnny headlining WrestleMania for a couple more years. Besides, Nitro and Mercury are building to a collision with The Hardyz at WrestleMania, so expect some kind of angle advancement to continue the build. And by the way, that match at Mania will be fucking awesome.

Carlito: You can never tell where you are with Carlito. A year ago, Carlito was main-eventing New Year’s Revolution, competing in an Elimination Chamber for the WWE title. Now, he’s stuck in an extremely dull feud with the extremely dull Chris Masters. He will likely have a good showing in the Rumble, but don’t be expecting any sort of huge impact.

Chris Masters: Copy and paste the paragraph from above, only exchange the words “Carlito” to “Chris Masters”, and “Chris Masters” with “Carlito.”

Viscera: I’m assuming the only reason Big Vis is even in this match is so that we can put someone over by having them slam the 500 Love Machine. But the only guys I can see doing that are Undertaker or Kane, and at this point, who really cares? Whatever the reason for Vis’ participation, he won’t win.

Kenny Dykstra: Here’s another guy who I can see main-eventing within a few years time. He has only just started out his singles run and he looks like he has a really bright future, and thus, I expect him to have a good showing and maybe even be a dark horse for a top 4 finish.

Shawn Michaels: Like Flair, I would love to see Michaels have one more run at the top, and I think a main event of John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels is probably the best possible option at the moment as far as Mania main events go. Apparently The Heartbreak Kid needs time off, but Triple H’s quad injury means he will be kept on the road at least for the time being, so I’m really not sure if Michaels is a favourite or not, but he’s my prediction to be the winner of the 2007 Royal Rumble!

Randy Orton: Last year, we all thought Orton would win the Rumble and go on to WrestleMania. He didn’t. And looking around the fan forums this week, it seems we all think the same again. And he won’t. Look for him and Edge to last a long time, working as a team to eliminate people and then make the final 4.

Jeff Hardy: Will be involved in some sort of angle with MNM and brother Matt to further that storyline.

Well, there you have it. Everyone’s chances of winning the Royal Rumble! And now for a few more predictions!

Most eliminations: Edge (6)
Who lasts longest?: Edge (45 minutes)
Shortest time in the match: Sandman (4 minutes)
#1 Entrant: Jeff Hardy
#2 Entry: Johnny Nitro
#30 Entry: Rob Van Dam
Winner: Shawn Michaels

Half Time

As soon as you’re done reading the rest of S&S, check out all the other great stuff at 411 Wrestling.

Andy Clarke’s Shimmy
Phil Feltham’s Quick Talkdown
JT and JP’s Hidden Highlights. Again, sorry guys.
Larry’s 3 R’s of Wrestling
Carapola’s Friendly Competition
Bayani’s Truth Be Told
Cook and Sforcina’s Payload
Wrestler Of The Week

And the rest…

Back to the action!

False Finishes And Fan Cams

You may or may not recall my debut column where in this particular section I briefly ran down several of my thoughts on things that were happening around the wrestling world at that time. Seeing as there’s no one particular subject I feel like talking about, that’s what I’m going to do again today.

Why does Sting care about Abyss’ secret? Because I sure as hell don’t. Now Cage has the title I’m assuming these guys are going to have their own feud. But why should we care about this? If I was James Mitchell, I’d just have Sting be done for harassment and be done with it.

Only last night did I get the chance to catch last weeks Raw and I have to say I found it a lot more entertaining than the last two weeks, and they’ve actually got me wanting to see Umaga challenge Cena once again. Maybe that very hot crowd helped, but I still found it entertaining and looking forward to this weeks Raw. And Maria is still amazingly hot.

Who the fuck is Jack Capella? I checked out the Royal Rumble Preview show on Sky Box Office in the UK, expecting my favourite retarded announcer Todd Grisham being his usual camp, over-excited self, but instead I get some bad Josh Matthews rip-off? Bullshit! I’m so pissed off right now.

I am so tired of Kenny vs. Flair. In fact, seeing Ric Flair wrestle isn’t entertaining anymore. And neither is seeing him get his ass beaten by Rated RKO. It’s not like getting a win over Flair means anything at this point, and it’s only tarnishing his legacy at this point. I wish they would use him in a managerial role, or allow a heel turn, or a run on SmackDown where he may actually get some wins that mean a damn. Otherwise, don’t use him at all.

You may’ve read Arnold Furious in his SmackDown recap complaining about the From The Vault segments that air during the UK SmackDown shows. What I didn’t realise is that they also show From The Vault on the replays of Raw. While the SmackDown FTVs include Lashley in a series of rather dull matches against Booker and Finlay, Raw had Carlito vs. Edge from last August. But that’s not the good thing. This match also had Trish Stratus at ringside! You might remember an awesome moment where Trish sprinted around the ring to knock Lita on her ass with a big right hand that got a huge pop. As far as I’m concerned, if they’re going to be showing anything with Trish in, I approve.

Apparently Kevin Federline is returning to the WWE in a more permanent role. That’s great provided he is used in the right capacity; the only real option is a manager. Federline was more than decent on the mic and comes with a built-in “asshole” personality and everyone already hates him. Johnny Nitro would be the most logical candidate, but as he already has Melina he wouldn’t be much use. A guy like Masters who has little mic skills would be a good choice. Whatever Federline’s role is I’m sure he’ll do a good job of helping anyone he manages get over as a heel.

The Royal Rumble is this weekend and I’m mildly excited about it. Kennedy pulled a good match from Batista last summer, and I’m foolishly hoping Kennedy has a shot at dethroning the Animal. I have high hopes for the Last Man Standing match; it should be a good brawl. I’m not expecting much from Lashley vs. Test so it’ll have a hard time disappointing. MNM vs. The Hardyz will rock the house one more time and the Rumble is the Rumble.

Reader Feedback

Kicking us off is Justin Swift AKA The Optimist,

Hey There,

Justin

A fair few readers said this year wouldn’t be the worst Mania of all time, and they’re probably right as WWE usually finds something special to put on their cards. I’m certainly hoping that those readers are right. Justin certainly delivers a great card here, if a little somewhat unlikely. As far as Mr. Swift questioning if McMahon would pay out for Hogan/Austin or The Rock/HBK, the answer is absolutely yes. Those two matches alone would produce the highest buyrate for a Mania ever IMO, and Vince would do just about ANYTHING to book either of these matches. Will it happen? I sincerely doubt it. No doubt Hogan and Austin will have parts at WrestleMania in Detroit, but I can’t see them battling each other. I can’t see Rocky at WrestleMania in any capacity at the moment – he has no reason to be – and if he did it wouldn’t be facing Shawn Michaels because of the animosity between the two. And that’s a great shame as I would pay a boat load to watch that match.

Thad Martin is puzzled,

You thought that the E was heading into the “New Attitude Era?” Really? What made you think that? I’d love to know. I’m not a regular reader, so I don’t know if you’ve gone over this one before…but you’ve certainly got my attention. TNA may or may not be the future, but WWE isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. In 2006, Raw was just plain boring. On Smackdown, outside of King Booker, there wasn’t anything that kept my attention. Yes, Smackdown had the better in-ring action, but there wasn’t anyone to really get behind. And ECW…I can’t even look forward to the one decent match a week we used to get when Heyman was still in charge.

Thad Martin

More on the potential new attitude era in a later column, possibly next week. Who knows. Mid-carders I see being big main eventers some day? Johnny Nitro has got to be one, he’s been on fire since he went to Raw and began feuding with Jeff Hardy. He has also gotten a good rub from being involved in the whole K-Fed/Cena stuff. Hardy would be another one if it wasn’t for his past. Carlito is usually mentioned as a guy with a great future, but in recent months he has been losing his edge, mainly thanks to Creative not having a clue what to do with him. Kennedy has been compared to the likes of The Rock and Chris Jericho, so he must have a future. Other than that no-one is really sticking out at the moment.

A brief piece from Matthew,

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

Matt

Again you’re probably right, and I think the negativity stemming from last weeks column probably had something to do with watching one of the worst Raws in a long, long time. And if you optimists are wrong, you all owe me money.

Andrew has some WrestleMania thoughts,

Hi Daniel
I feel your hurt, man. I’ve never missed a WrestleMania (which pegs me as an old fart) even though I live in Australia and it wasn’t especially easy to get tapes of the show in the days before we had cable and PPV down under.
I think WWE is resting on their laurels because they’re going to get 70,000 plus to attend the show, so they don’t think they need worry about the card. Maybe they’ve forgotten about their buy rate…
Like you, I’ll order the show because it’s what we do. I read through your card last week, and your predictions this week, and it made me shudder to think Khali would be anywhere within a hundred mile radius of Detroit, let alone in the main event. It’s enough to make me toss my cookies.
I’ve got the benefit of hindsight (or life AFTER HHH pops his quad) so what do you think about this line-up?
Batista vs. Undertaker
The match itself would have big sucking potential but if the writers got their heads out of their asses, they could build this up BIG. The UT winning streak at Mania could be under threat, and to do this right they’d have to turn Dave heel, and book a nasty brawl. It might interest me. Which means “Taker wins the Rumble.
OR
Undertaker vs. Hogan
C’mon, we know Hogan’s going to be there. In years to come he’ll want to claim bragging rights for drawing that 70,000. And once again, despite the fact I don’t like either of them, there’d be an intrigue because predicting a winner wouldn’t be easy.
Cena vs. Orton
This could have the potential to be great. Orton wins the Rumble (based on UT vs. Hogan), perhaps by eliminating Edge as one of the last 4. Call me crazy, but I’d pay to see this one if they gave them 25-30 minutes and 2 months solid storyline, maybe where Cena steps in to help out HBK while HHH is injured.
Edge vs. Michaels
Some kind of climactic No DQ match to blow off the Rated RKO-DX feud. I’d watch it.
Umaga vs. Carlito vs. Benjamin vs. Benoit vs. Kennedy vs. Matt Hardy (Money In The Bank Ladder match)
You could sub Benjamin and Haas in on the Raw side, Finlay and Booker on the SD side. Or include 2 ECW guys and drop out one each from SD and Raw.
London/Kendrick vs. Benjamin/Haas.
Build it up as an inter-promotional match. Haas and Benjamin are forced to challenge for the SD titles because the Raw champs (Rated RKO) are both contracted into singles bouts.
Jeff Hardy vs. Nitro vs. Kenny Dykstra (IC Title Triple Threat)
Mid card filler needn’t be boring, after all.
CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley (ECW Title)
Anything’s better than Test at WrestleMania.
That still leaves Kane, MVP, Chavo, Khali, most of ECW, Helms, Boogeyman etc with nothing to do, but given Vince will probably book himself against Foley or Piper, Austin will make an appearance, the real Donald Trump might turn up to slag off lesbians and we’ll have to sit through some sort of lingerie pillow-fight-bra-and-panties-paddle-on-a-pole match to promote Ashley’s Playboy spread, they might not have time.
And of course, being a fan, ‘n all, I fully expect that NONE of these matches will happen and I truly will spend my hard-earned (not to mention burn a day’s leave, given Mania starts at 10.00am, Sydney, Australia time) on watching The Great Khali hit the slow chop to the head. Cos, what would I know what I like? Right, Vince?
Onya Daniel, keep your pen poisoned.
Andrew Prentice

My first reader from Oz, awesome. Another great Mania card here. And I would definetly prefer Batista/Taker to Hogan/Taker. Interesting that Andrew wants to see Orton vs. Cena, as most I’ve talked to hate the idea. Personally, I’m with Andrew on this one, I think they could have a great build and a decent match. And Edge vs. Michaels in No Holds Barred would easily be a MOTYC.

Finally, Steven wants more!

Hey Dan, I just read The Fink’s Payload and saw that you sent them a long piece booking London and Kendrick’s feud with Regal and Taylor, but I thought you ended it rather abruptly with the heels getting the titles and moving on. Dude, what happens next?

Ummm… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have a little think about it and let y’all know next week.

And that’s all the feedback we’ve got time for. Thanks to all those who sent me their thoughts including my first semi-regular reader Samer Kadi and my new favourite critic Rahmin!

Taking It Home