Scotty Flamingo’s TNA Adventure: Part II

Islands of Adventure is a great park. I was especially impressed with the detailed theming used in the different sections. The Marvel Superheroes section looks like a New York street from one of Marvel’s comics. Employees dressed as various superheroes occasionally come charging down the street. I gotta admit, I got a kick out of seeing Spider-Man running past gawking onlookers. If only there’d been a Green Goblin flying around throwing pumpkin bombs it would’ve been perfect. Now for some awards that I’ll be randomly giving out throughout this article.

Worst Storyline for a Ride – This award goes to The Amazing Spider-Man. What is an incredible ride is hampered by a silly setup that is where you, the riders, are hired by J. Jonah Jameson to get the news in some sort of robotic news tank. Apparently, journalism degrees are overrated.

Best Storyline for a Ride: Dr. Doom’s Fearfall – This ride’s storyline is that Dr. Doom has built the “ultimate peacekeeping machine” aka ultimate WMD, a machine that absorbs fear from those that ride it. While you are in line, there is a great little black and white cartoon done in the style of a propaganda film from Latevaria portraying Doom as the great conquering hero. The ride isn’t that great though. In fact, I’d say this is the only ride where waiting in line beats the ride itself.

From there, we hit the first coaster of the day, the Hulk. I’d heard mixed things about this ride. Some said it was kind of boring, while others said it was pretty good. Everyone praised the launched lift hill though, and I was anxious to experience it. I gotta say, this is a great coaster. Maybe not my favorite of all time, but a good ride nonetheless.

Next we went to check out the Dueling Dragons, IoA’s other big coasters. Again, the theming is awesome. There is a Dr. Seuss section that looks like it came right out of the books. There’s also a section that looks like Atlantis and one that’s all medieval. There’s even a shop that sells swords. How does that work?? They were pretty expensive, but what if someone buys one and starts running through the park lopping off people’s heads???

So we got to the Dueling Dragons. It is actually two separate coasters, the Ice Dragon, and The Fire Dragon. We opted for the Ice version. They are inverted coasters that intertwine. At several points, it looks like you are going to run into the other coaster. Yet another great ride! I’d say this one was better than the Hulk and is possibly the best inverted I’ve been on (with the possible exception being Raptor at Cedar Pointe).

At this point, it was getting close to time for the Impact tapings, so we decided to get some grub, stopping to ride the Hulk one more time on the way out. For dinner, we went to Margarittaville and had some Margaritas and Cheeseburgers at the bar. There is a Margarita volcano that spews green liquid into a giant glass every hour while Margaritaville plays. I had to wonder how the bartenders didn’t go insane. I’ve worked at a radio station and I know how annoying hearing the same song every three hours can be. I can’t imagine the SAME song EVERY hour for EVERY day.

After Margarittaville, we didn’t care much about wrestling, but made our way to the Impact tapings anyway. My contact got us right in past all the people that had been standing in line for hours. I felt bad. For a second. We got good seats. It is standing room only at ringside and the floor, so we opted for first row of the bleachers facing the camera because we didn’t feel like standing. I looked at the wooden barricade in front of me and noticed that the wood was pretty sturdy and thick. I’d always thought it was paper thin to smash and look impressive when the wrestlers brawl into it, but it is actually really sturdy. This would be important later.

We were informed that the main event of hour one would be AJ Styles Vs Kurt Angle. That would’ve excited me, but I knew it was Impact and that it wouldn’t get any time. With a match this big, I really wish they just put on a good long match and focus the show around that. I know some people think that it is a sin to give away a big match on TV, but my problem is when you bill a big match but turn it into a screwjob. If you are gonna give the match away, do it right.

I’m not gonna go match by match for Impact because, once again, there are people here that are better at doing that than I. Instead, some impressions:

-Christian is pretty over as a face even though he’s a heel now. He got a big pop for his first entrance with the new belt, and an even bigger one when he called Angle an asshole. I think that TNA needs to just let go of the last little bit of the traditional face/heel structure and just let the guys play their characters. Christian is the arrogant guy that thinks he’s better than the company, Angle is the wrestling machine obsessed with being the best.

-Big reaction to Angle mentioning Goldberg (boos) and Lesnar (mostly cheers). After this, there was a very big “RVD” chant. So that’s who the TNA fans want. My guess was Eric Angle.

-Fans were chanting “You’re Not Steiner!” to Tomko with his newly died beard. Hmmm…

-The crowd still didn’t buy the Christy Hemme angle as Kip James got a huge pop for saying “Before you move up, you gotta go down!” I don’t think that’s what they’re going for.

-The crowd totally turned on Sting when he confronted Abyss and tried to make him speak, chanting “Don’t Talk” to Abyss and “Sting’s a bully!” I noticed that this was edited out of the replay.

Ok, now it’s time for my impressions of the second hour of Impact airing next week. I won’t get too specific, but if you don’t wanna know, you might wanna skip to the part after END OF SHOW.

-The big angle for this show were the continuing storyline of Angle and Christian where Christian has a consultant from Angle’s past that he’s hired. Joe denies that it is him and says he’s the special enforcer for their match. I’ve never understood why you’d use an enforcer who had a history with one of the competitors. Christian also denies its Joe, but also says he’s a big liar, so it could be.

-The AJ/Rhino feud continues with a pretty good swerve and a bloody beatdown of Rhino that would come back to haunt me…

-Finally, you had the big “secret” revealed by Sting. As far as storylines go, I’ll say that it is better than Katie Vick or all of the Kane and Undertaker family stuff, but still wasn’t the payoff I feel it needed to be. Of course, Abyss goes nuts and they brawl into the crowd and Sting gets thrown into the barricade RIGHT UNDER ME! I busted out the old Karate Kid line “Put him in a body bag!” We’ll see if it gets edited out or not.

END OF SHOW

So the show was over and we decided to try and get backstage. As we were walking with my contact, Abyss comes out of nowhere spinning around and flailing his arms. The three of us got separated but the crew yelled to my friend and I “Guys, come on through! We’re about to film!” So we left the contact behind as I ran between Sting and Abyss rehearsing a backstage brawl. Before we had a chance to figure out what to do, Rhino, Senshi, Jerry Lynn, and Earl Hebner all walked up next to us to watch the brawl.

Suddenly, I’m in the land of Oz. It’s like Pee Wee’s Big Adventure where he is riding through the backlot. There are wrestlers everywhere! Angle was leaving as we got there. We watched Sting and Abyss tape their brawl which saw James Mitchell pop out and throw a fireball into Sting’s face. Earl Hebner turned to us and said, “This is some crazy shit!” I said, “You know what else is crazy? YOU SCREWING BRET HART!!!!” Ok, I didn’t, but I thought it.

So here we are backstage, separated from our guide and with no backstage passes. So basically, we had to act like we belonged there. My friend’s infant bladder decided to act up and he had to go to the bathroom. Like a girl, I went with him, because I’m not about to get busted and thrown out by a gaggle of angry wrestlers. So he’s in the can and I’m washing my hands when I notice red stuff on the side of the sink…and the floor, and splattered on the wall. Blood! Dum dum dum! I quickly figured out that it was Rhino’s since he was the only one that bladed on the show. I thought about scooping some of it up so that I could clone a bunch of baby Rhino’s, but I didn’t want all my flower pots broken.

As we’re walking out, we pass the champ Captain Charisma himself complete with his shiny Captain Charisma jump suit thingy and the World Title slung over his shoulder. My friend said something like “Man, it’s hot for January”, but he ignored us. And now, some more awards.

The Biggest Player Award: Raven – This guy was standing there talking to like six chicks. My friend always tries to tell me that Scott Levy is gay, so I made sure to point this out. I was wearing my old WCW Raven shirt but just couldn’t bring myself to butt into his business. I’m sure he would’ve been miffed if he had to stop talking to six babes to say hi to a dorky mark pointing out that he was on his shirt.

The Most Like Chris Farley Award: Abyss – Abyss had his mask off and it is like a totally different person. Even his movements were different. As Sting was leaving, he yelled “Hey Sting! Wait up!” and gives him a big goofy hug. Later when we were all standing around watching the monitor replay the brawl he was standing right next to me fiddling with his mask. I said, “Good work tonight Big A” and he said “Thanks” like a little kid who had gotten a smiley face on his drawing.

Finally, we left and saw Samoa Joe as we were walking out. I told Joe “Good stuff tonight” since he didn’t wrestle. And he said “Thanks bud”. Ok, so it’s not like he asked me to be his manager, but I marked.

After the show, we went to the top secret hangout of all the wrestlers. It’s a little Ale House in Orlando. We got some food and beers and watched several of the wrestlers walking around. Joe, Senshi, Starr, and Daniels were eating a few tables away. Several fans stopped to get them to sign stuff. I just can’t do that. I’m sure they expect it, but still. I don’t like messing with someone when they’re eating though.