The Fink’s Payload 01.29.07: New ECW (& Raw) Talent

Suddenly, none other than CARLITO hops the rail, dressed in stylish black gym clothes and armed with a steel chair, which he proceeds to *hurl* in the face of an unsuspecting RVD. A well-placed Pounce tackle later, Cor Van has become the top contender to the ECW championship. He spends a moment eyeing the intruder suspiciously, then leaves. Carlito, likewise, retreats through the crowd, grinning.

The following week on ECW TV, RVD is pissed off. He reminds us how the was cheated out of the ECW title some months ago and is furious over some ‘pubescent troll’ like Carlito robbing him of an opportunity regain it.

This tirade, of course, draws out the ‘pubescent troll’, again decked out in overly expensive black gym wear and accompanied by a slowed-down, moody version of his entrance theme. Carlito looks grim as he gets on the mic.

“Van Dam, first of all: You’re not cool! I know you *think* you’re cool. I know these rednecks here cheer you like you’re cool. And I know there are hundreds of pimply, overweight teenage douche bags sitting at home right now believing you’re cool. Me, Carlito, I know the truth. You’re not cool. You’re a b*tch!

Ever since you left RAW, you’ve done nothing but loose and then moan about it. You couldn’t even win you very first world title without somebody else attacking your opponent, and you had to have your personal nanny Paul Heyman count the pin! You got everything handed to you here in ECW, just because some geeks on the internet think you’re cool.

Meanwhile, Carlito got *nothing*! I’m not only cooler than you, Van Dam. I’m younger; I’m faster; I fly higher, yet I got nothing. Well, I’m done playing the funny games, Van Dam! I’m done trying to be cool with everybody! I am Carlito Colon, and I have come here to do what I do best: I am here to spit in the face of people who don’t wanna be cool; *after* breaking their faces!”

Just then, RVD is jumped from behind by Elijah Burke and Mike Knox, who quickly soften him up for a devastating Flying DDT from Carlito. To add insult to injury, Carlito then grabs a chair and proceeds to hit his very own version of the Van Terminator.

Backed by Burke, who hopes to accelerate his own rise through this alliance, and Knox, who gets paid for his services, Carlito then sets out to rebuild his name in ECW. He has, of course, earned the ire of RVD.

Seeing how Vince McMahon humiliated him on a recent ep of RAW, I believe Carlito could believably jump to ECW with sentiments and motivations as laid out above. I’d remove pretty much all comical elements from his character; i.e. no cute music, no cartoon apples on his outfits and no fruity in-ring gear for that matter. In ECW, I picture him as a super-cocky, sneaky bastard. I’d also like to see him cut loose at last. Word has it that the kid is capable of some amazing stuff, and I think ECW would be the only stage in McMahonland where he *might* be allowed to fully and regularly showcase that talent.

Macho Man: Hogan, I was in the back, looking at my Hall of Fame Plaque. I was thinking to myself that neither one of us has anything left to prove. Neither of us have anything we have not accomplished. But the more I thought about it… the madder I got. You see Hogan, nothing has ever been settled between the two of us. I’ve been calling you out for years. So I have a proposition for you Hogan. Since you don’t want to fight me, I’ve got options for you. See I’ve got what you may call a Protégé. See Hogan, I’m not going to reveal anything just yet. You see, Backlash is four weeks away. You have a choice to make Hogan. Will you fight me at Backlash, or will you battle with my protégé?

With That Macho Man nails Hogan with the Mic, and proceeds to beat him down. Segment ends with Macho Man posing at the top of the ramp and Hogan yelling profanities at him.

Raw (4/9): Macho Man is out, and he is talking about how Hogan has a tough decision to make. You either face the madness, or you face the monster. Macho says he wants an answer from Hogan by next week. Macho Man sits on commentary with King and JR the rest of the evening, talking down to Hogan, as the King asks him about his protégé, and he drops a few hints, stuff that the die hard fans may be able to pick up on.

RAW (4/16): Hogan is out for his segment, he talks about the history with him and Savage, and even himself questions who this protégé could be, and how he was tempted to challenge the protégé just to see who it was. Hogan calls out Macho Man. Hogan tells Savage that he will accept the match with the madness, but there will be two conditions. Savage tells him to name it. Hogan says win lose or draw, this is it. This will be the last time that Savage and Hogan are ever in the ring together. Savage agrees. #2 Hogan wants a handshake, and to put the past behind them after the match. Again Savage agrees.

Raw (4/23): Hogan vs. Savage contract signing… after signing, Hogan hands the contract over to Savage, who signs, then tries to nail Hogan with it. Hogan ducks, and delivers the big boot to Savage, sending him outside of the ring.

Backlash (4/29): The match: Hogan and Savage manage to have a passable match, with Savage hitting two of his elbow drops before Hogan kicks out. Hogan starts to do his thing…. Big boot, leg drop, pin. Hogan wins. As Hogan celebrates with the crowd, a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps the railing and enters the ring. Hogan turns just in time to see this guy charging at him, and Hogan gets demolished. Worst beating we’ve ever seen Hogan take. Macho man is back to his feet now, and he stands over Hogan, and reaches down to shake his hand.

Raw: (4/30): Savage opens the show with a grin from ear to ear. He berates Hogan again, saying how stupid Hogan was. He played right into Savage’s hands. “Do you really think I cared about one more match with you Hogan? Did you really think I needed to beat you that bad? Did you really expect it all to just go away after Backlash? Oh no my friend… You see Backlash was just the end of Chapter One. Chapter one in the death of Hulkamania!” He brings out the man in the hooded sweatshirt. He tells Hogan that this is the man that will end Hulkamania. The man takes his hood down, and it is Sean O’Haire!!

“Hogan! Right about now, you are probably asking yourself ‘Why?’ Well it is real simple. Hulkamania is built on everything I am against. Hulkamania does not offer anyone a choice. Hulkamania states that you must train, say your prayers and take your vitamins. What if…” O’Haire continues, “What if we don’t want to? What if we do not want to adhere to your structured society? What if we want a choice? Well Hogan, I’m Sean O’Haire, and I have made my choice. I am going to bring the structure down…haha, but I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”

Of course this brings out Hogan who suffers a two on one beatdown. This kind of activity continues for the next few weeks, until Hogan proposes a tag match at Vengeance. O’Haire and Savage vs. Hogan and a partner. Savage agrees and Hogan’s partner is John Cena. During the main event at Vengeance, Savage is somehow injured, which leaves Hogan and Cena two on one against O’Haire. O’Haire manages to roll up Cena and get the pin with a handful of tights.