The Box in the Attic 02.01.07: RAW IS WAR, August 23, 1999

Tape Label Says:
Triple H Wins 1st WWF Title

Actual Content Is:
WWF RAW IS WAR – August 23, 1999
Live from Hilton Coliseum – Ames, Iowa

-There’s actually a copy of some version of Annie that starts up my tape, which is just bizarre, because there’s no way that I taped it and my mom can’t operate a VCR. I’m not joking. Kathy Bates is in it, but even with that enticement, I hope everyone will understand if I forego my ‘no fast-forwarding’ policy and just move on to RAW. Although to be fair, Kristin Chenoweth is in this version, too (I keep catching seconds-long bits as I fast-forward trying to find RAW) and she actually is an enticement to watch. I’ve been a sucker for her ever since she showed up on The West Wing. Also, she’s ultra-hot. Even so, I’ll continue to fast-forward. She’s under enough bad makeup to justify not watching.

-And finally, the tape cuts to… Popular on the WB? Oh, come on. If this means that I lost footage of a pretty historic RAW because my sister needed a tape for a stupid teen drama, I’m going to be really upset. I mean, Popular? That show was on for like 4 episodes. I’m going to fast-forward and assume that RAW is later on the tape.

-We abruptly cut into RAW with Hardcore and Crash Holly fighting in the back. I’m not sure how far we are into the broadcast, but I’ll just do what’s left, so bear with me as I catch up. Based on the announcing (Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler, for the record), this is during the ‘Hardcore thinks he’s a super-heavyweight’ period. Anyway, we get the tail end of a dull brawl and then cut to Kevin Kelly for an update on Stone Cold Steve Austin.

-Stills are shown of HHH attacking Austin after the Triple Threat Match that was the main event of Summerslam the night before. For those who don’t remember (or weren’t watching wrestling yet in 1999), Austin defending his WWF Title in a Triple Threat Match at Summerslam 1999 against HHH and Mankind (with Minnesota Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura as the referee) after a big mess of #1 Contenders matches in the weeks leading up to the show that included HHH, Mankind, Undertaker and Chyna. Yes, Chyna. That’s not a typo. Anyway, the rumor at the time was that Austin didn’t think HHH was all that good and didn’t want to job the title to him cleanly, so Foley got put in the match because Austin liked Foley enough to drop the title to him instead. Foley (as Mankind) was already a 2-time WWF Champion entering the match, so this is his third (however short) WWF Title reign.

-Speaking of Foley, he joins us to run down HHH. Mick gets in a funny comment about not always getting along with Austin but liking him because he’s damn near single-handedly funded his retirement. Long story short: HHH is a bad person. Also, I guess HHH broke JR’s arm to start the show, which both explains Foley’s rant and why Cole is on commentary.

-Commercials: Footaction has the Adidas Intrigue. Not that I care, because I wear sandals pretty much everyday. Oh, and an ad for the original Playstation and John Goodman does a voiceover on a Burger King commercial.

-We’re back with Al Snow sitting in a corner backstage crying. Oh, he’s upset that Pepper the dog was dognapped by Big Bossman. If you don’t remember the storyline that this was a part of, then no explanation I can muster will do it justice for you.

-And we’re joined by WWF Tag Team Champions (remember when the company had only one set of tag team belts?) Undertaker and the Big Show. I think they won the belts from one of my all-time favorite teams, X-Pac & Kane, the night before. This was Big Show’s original ponytail phase for those keeping track. They’re joining us for commentary it seems. Along with Paul Bearer. Oh, and the X-Pac & Kane combo entrance hits! COMBO PYRO~! Seriously, this was like the coolest thing ever at the time.

-X-Pac & Kane vs. Mideon & Viscera: This was during the post-Corporate Ministry phase, I think, but it’s unclear. Show and Taker seem really interested in sounding pissed off on commentary. Waltman was still really motivated at this point, as was Kane, who is still under his original mask and wearing the red and black bodysuit. A pretty middling match ensues, and the Acolytes (Bradshaw and Farooq) join us at ringside to stand there and look intimidating. So now it’s Kane, Waltman, Show and the entire original Ministry. That’s a pretty interesting dynamic. Kane fights off Mideon and Viscera and pretty much no sells everything. Undertaker threatens to stab the King in the face for some comment that I didn’t focus on. X-Pac getting the Bronco Buster on Viscera gets just a crazy pop from the crowd. Viscera hits Waltman with a big splash to get the pin while Kane is brawling on the outside with the Acolytes. Note, please, Acolytes, not APA. That was yet to come. Match was just there to promote the extra-curricular activity surrounding it. *

-Mr. Ass (Billy Gunn or Kip James if you’re newer to the game) is walking backstage. Yep, that’s it.

-Commercials: Summerslam replays are available on PPV. And by the way, the Shane McMahon vs. Test match from that show was absolutely great, and shows what Test might have been, instead of what he ended up being. Also, Tom Berenger wants you to use reformulated Quaker State. And do your oil changes on time, dammit!

-Back on RAW, Howard Finkel (the ring announcer) plays flunky to Chris Jericho. This was really soon after Jericho debuted and the Y2J-Finkel thing was a direct rip-off of Jericho’s Ralphus manager in WCW. Still funny, though.

-Mr. Ass (with the worst entrance music, EVER) comes down and calls out Chyna. I guess they have some sort of misunderstanding. Chyna is still using HHH’s music at this point, having not yet merited her own. Oh, I guess Chyna stole Billy’s IC Title shot at Jeff Jarrett (and how weird is THAT to think about?), so he’s upset about it. A war of words leads to a potential match, but Jarrett comes in and levels Chyna with a guitar from behind. Miss Kitty, who’s managing Jarrett, tries to give Jeff another guitar, but Mr. Ass gets control of it and absolutely pastes JJ with it. Jarrett on WWF TV is almost surreal to see these days.

-The Rock is walking backstage. Popular choice tonight.

-Commercial time: A brand new WWF show is going to debut this fall. It’s going to change the face of network television forever. It’s called Smack-somethingorother. Also, Surge soda wants you to know that life’s a scream.

-Oh, and here’s the footage of Triple H breaking JR’s arm and then Shane making HHH vs. Foley for the title.

-The Rock (with a really simple early version of his entrance music) joins us to do commentary for the WWF Title Match. Rock was really fun to watch at this point, but was much more scripted (at least it seems) than he would become later in his career. Rock: “Who’s booking this crap? The Rock is the one who should be in the ring fighting for the Rock’s WWF Title!” Even in his earlier days, he still made me laugh, I’ll give him that. No Chance hits and Shane-O-Mac comes out in a ref’s shirt. And the screwjob seems evident. Rock on having to face Billy Gunn at Summerslam: “Well, whoopee! Yippee! Let the party begin for the Rock and ‘Badass’! And then the Rock faces GANGREL? So what!”

-WWF Title Match – Mankind © vs. Triple H (with Chyna and Scott Steiner’s chainmail tank top): As stated above, Shane McMahon is YOUR special guest referee. Seeing Mick walk in with the WWF Title still brings a smile to my face. Mick rushes in and they brawl to start. They exchange flurries in the corner as the Rock refers to himself in third person a lot. Mick gets a bulldog, but Shane chooses to conveniently focus on the Rock at ringside and misses the count. Mick goes for Socko early and then abruptly gets it on Shane. Shane gets tossed, but Mick walks into a Pedigree attempt. Mick back drops out of it and gets Socko on HHH, but here’s Chyna. She gets (you guessed it) Socko for her troubles. Although kudos to her for selling the guitar shot from the last segment on her way down to the ring. I mean she didn’t sell it well or anything, but it’s the thought that counts. Foley gets a Double Arm DDT (his finisher at the time) on HHH, but there’s no ref (though the crowd helpfully counts to three). Earl Hebner (looking incredibly spry if I may say so) runs down, but by then it only gets two. Come to think of it, Hebner doesn’t actually look that good, so forget my earlier comment. Foley and HHH brawl around ringside and Mick takes his signature bump into the ringsteps. God only knows how he can walk at this point, but I suppose that was the point of him retiring in the first place. Triple H throws Mankind into the announce table but that only serves to piss the Rock off on commentary: “You spilled soda over the Rock’s shoe! The Rock’s shoe is $600!” Absolute gold. Mick grabs a chair, but HHH gets a boot up and sends it back into his face. Cole talks about how the desire to win the title has been burning in HHH for a while now. Rock on HHH: “Now he’s crying like a woman, he should be going after the Women’s Title! Shut up, Michael Cole!” Back in, HHH gets a falling neckbreaker for two and then his facebuster for another two. The crowd actually chants for the Rock, which he of course notes on commentary. HHH sends Foley’s shoulder into the post and gets a schoolboy cradle for two. Mick makes a brief comeback, but gets caught with HHH’s high knee. Rock: “Mankind sucks…” Triple H gets a kneedrop for two. More brawling from HHH. Foley comes back with a clothesline out of the corner for two. Mick gets a Cactus Clothesline to send both guys to the outside. Foley is up first and tosses HHH right into the Rock (who takes it with surprising grace) but Shane comes in with a chairshot to Mick’s back. He no sells it and goes after Shane, but HHH levels him with another chairshot. Then HHH lays out the Rock mid-sentence just because. Shane tosses Foley back in and then beats up Hebner to regain his position as the ref. Inside the ring, a Pedigree gets the academic pinfall at 8:41 to give Triple H his first WWF Title. Triple H, Chyna and Shane celebrate with the belt as the crowd actually tosses some garbage into the ring. The boos from the crowd are pretty resounding as we fade to black. The match was pretty solid, and looking back I can see how this became the template for the fabulous Triple H vs. Cactus Jack brawls at the beginning to 2000, but HHH just wasn’t polished at this point like he would become in the coming months. Whether it was actually the right time to give him the belt is a matter of debate, but even if it took him a little while to get going, he certainly had earned his place as a main eventer within six months of this win, and that’s pretty much all you could have asked of him at the time. **1/4, mostly for Foley bumping and the overall historical value. If I included commentary in the evaluation, this would have been ****, easy.