WRestling’s 3R’s 2.09.07: Raw Rocked, Sabin Rips Off a Classic, Finlay vs. Benoit, Human Tornado and a New WSX Champion, Vince vs. ECW and More!

iMpact 2.01.06:

The Right:

The Importance of Words – There are times when we cringe at promos, or times that they are fine but we just don’t care about them at all. But then there are times that they really add to the shows and angles and we love them. There were some fine promos on the show I thought this week, so we shall discuss those here.

–James Mitchell: James Mitchell is just money when he talks these days and last week was no different. He told Sting that he opened Pandora’s box when he revealed the secret that he played with fire and in the end he got burned. He laid out the challenge for the Prison Yard Brawl to Sting, who then appeared in the rafter wearing an Abyss mask. I liked the segment and while the “secret” is too wacky for me, the stuff between Mitchell and Sting has been good and hopefully the match will be better than the other encounters.

–Christopher Daniels: I liked the video package for Christopher Daniels this week. It was a good package and the narration by Daniels was good stuff. It was effective as it made you pay attention, and hopefully this will be the beginning of a new push for Daniels as I feel he really belongs in the main fix of the promotion.

–Joe and Cage: I loved the interaction between Cage and Joe this week on Impact. As I have said Christian is just on such a roll since turning heel and the confidence in his promos is off the charts. Joe is also doing really well on promos and hanging with Angle, Steiner when he was there and Cage, which makes him look even more important. And Cage calling him, “Jo-Jo-Bear” made this awesome.

–…Hoyt: I will actually give Hoyt some credit this week. It was a good video package and Hoyt came off well discussing that they had crossed the line into his realm, and that they had to pay now. It wasn’t “Flair great” or anything, but it was good and a quick way to keep pushing that angle.

Advancement – Much like I will discuss on Raw, consolidating feud and or advancing them in combined segments can be a very good thing, and with only the hour, TNA has to do this. I felt that they did some good advancement in a few angles this week, with limited time. We’ll look at those right now.

–Storm and Miss Tennessee vs. Petey and Gail: The aftermath of the split of AMW continues through these four right now and I like it, as it stretches out the injury angle of Harris. Storm costs Petey a match with Roode, which would have been fine if it as the only non-clean finish on the show, and then they had a good brawl. They will meet at the PPV and this angle helped build to that. But it also led to this…

–Roode, Brooks and Young: While I am not sure where it is going, and think that the time that has been spent on this angle show be on an Xplosion or Global Impact type show (if they were still putting effort into those shows) at least it seems to be going somewhere. Roode abuses Brooks this time, Young (in love with Brooks) comes out and defends her and she leaves with him…while Roode smiles on. Is it all part of the plan? Or does Brooks actually like the lovable goof of the Impact zone? I am not sure, but it is building to something, which is good. I just wish they would use the time to focus on 3-4 main angles that are important and you know, sell PPV’s. I like the people involved here, but this angle isn’t selling PPV buys.

–LAX vs. 3D: This week they showed a video of LAX attacking Ray’s uncle in his restaurant in New York. This was in retaliation to the attack on Konnan weeks back. It also gave Devon a chance to cut a promo, something he never gets to do. It was very contrived I’ll admit, but a good answer to the attack on Konnan and it takes the feud to a very personal level. Hopefully the matches get better, much better.

puRgatory:

Sabin rips off a classic – Chris Sabin made me love him this week as he ripped off a classic (Hollywood Blonds) and dressed up as an old man in a walker to make fun of Jerry Lynn. The greatest lien was him talking about “back in the day, we had 2-sided rings made of sheep skin and testicles!”

I will say that things went too far with the diaper. I mean, it’s one thing to dress like an old man and all, but the diaper makes YOU look like a tool, not the “old man” you are trying to make fun of. So he costs Lynn the match, the first of the three non-clean finishes, and sure they are progressing and all, but at what cost? Seriously, my kingdom for a clean finish.

The wRong:

VKM and Hemme – I am not into this at all. Hemme is demanding a match, Kip is an asshole and wants her to pay her dues by sucking his cock, BG is fat and in the end I hate them all. Really, that is about it. I have no interest in this and if they are starting a women’s division without the 2nd hour of TV, they are idiots.

The Ridiculous:

Ron Killing: Waste of Time – For a company that only has 40-minutes of programming a week, this is something they need to avoid. This sold no buys, drew no new viewers and overall made Killings look like a tool. It was a poor parody and I just don’t get how it accomplished anything. It was there and it shouldn’t have been. This was a minute or two that they could have given to, I don’t know, a match! More useless shit on the program that is not needed, there has to be a better use for Ron Killings than this.

We Are Wrestling The Main Event Interview! – They did this a lot before Russo, so he gets off free this week with just a ridiculous. Last week we got AJ vs. Joe, two guys that have had MOTY caliber matches main event the show. This would be cause for excitement normally, but not here. They got just a few minutes and we got a crap finish, there was nothing redeemable here. If this is a so-called “PPV caliber main event”, who would buy the PPV based on that? In the end it was a bad decision and sold no PPV buys, it was just there. It also added to the overall lack of wrestling again (10 minutes) so we could have the main event interview again. TNA is now way worse than WWE was with this as it is common place here, and for a show called “Total Non-Stop Action” and a company that bill themselves as “We Are Wrestling” they are doing a piss poor job of showing that. They are doing it all wrong in this aspect, and it is not good for business.

The only redeeming thing I can see is that it appears as if Cage and Styles are having some connection, and with the tag next week they could really do something with him, Cage, Tomko and Steiner. Christian’s Coalition perhaps? Them feuding against Joe, Angle, Daniels and another face, Rhino perhaps could be good shit and a nice “War Games” type main event for Lockdown.

Fact remains though, we had a crap finish that was never announced, and I mean was it a DQ, no-finish, who knows? And finally…MY KINGDOM FOR A CLEAN FINISH~!

This is a small thing…but… Did you see the video package for the PPV, with Christian proclaiming to be the greatest in ring performer of the decade? I have no problem with that, but here is the issue. They say that:

-“Christian Cage is undefeated…”

And then…

-“Christian Cage is a two time NWA Champion…”

Yeah…those that follow TNA realize that he hasn’t been pinned or submitted and lost in the wacky KOTM match. But to the new viewer this either looks like am amateurish mistake, or they are too confused and don’t give a shit and turn it off. Yeah, this wasn’t a good thing.

THE RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~!:
Nadda~! –

SmackDown 2.02.06

A quick shout out to one of my best buddies, Eli, who is currently in Dallas, Texas, far from his home up by the Hollywood sign, recovering from having been the victim of a hit-and-run as he crossed the street, breaking both his legs. It’s odd and disconcerting, hearing a good friend say the words, “I’ll be able to walk again.” I can’t believe the positive spirits Eli’s in; if it were me, I’d be dragging my stubs behind me looking for the motherfucker who did this to me and making life absolutely hell for my caregivers. Luckily, that stupid son of a whore who ran down my friend was caught (with his wife and young BABY in the car with him at the time!!!) and will likely be given a frilly name by someone twice his size in the Dallas Correctional Facilities unit, or whatever the hell they have down there. Oh, wait, it’s Texas…I guess that means he’ll be tried and shot on the witness stand…hahaha. Seriously, get well in time for dinner, ganj and South Park Season 11 at Chez Jefe, Elz!

Assuming the rumors are true (and considering the fact that RVD’s own WIFE was seen on WWE PPV chanting TNA), I applaud RVD for his decision. Bringing back the old ECW under the WWE umbrella was RVD’s idea in the beginning and, considering the double-whammy of 1) seeing it spin so far out of control of what those three letters are supposed to represent and what the shambles the brand has become, and 2) the fact that the athlete who basically IS what old school ECW is about being shunned into a corner as a broken down giant and green noob are given his spot as a consequence of the bust, I admire RVD for sticking by his own beliefs and looking elsewhere for employment. If he is, as rumors and logic imply, headed for TNA by the fall, the list of young, talented performers voluntarily walking away from Vince grows still again, and RVD could damn well become one of the biggest stars ever to bounce off the five-sided ring, as his style of performance will be embraced and encouraged down in Orlando. I say, RVD 4:20 is about to SMOKE TNA…finally! Well done!

The Right:

Kennedy always hated red – Poor Vito. At the outset of the R’s this week, I mentioned the names Rhodes and Hayes, the main bookers for SD! and laud them for their contributions to the brand. Being a couple of southern old schoolers from the territories, I can imagine them being on the same page in terms of bringing that style of booking, the kind upon which Larry and I grew up watching and loving, to modern-day WWE, and this was just such a case. Kennedy’s beat down of Vito tonight was just the sort of build a new talent needs to get to the next level and just the sort of simple booking that seems to have been missing from WWE programming for so long. Granted, it’s a shame that a talent such as Vito has been relegated to such a role, but that’s another discussion for another time. For an up-and-comer (and I mean to the main event) such as Kennedy to score such a decisive and humiliating victory over someone like Vito (by which, I mean, goofy gimmick aside, an actually talented wrestler not the likes of a CruiserWeight or the equivalent of a Viscera or a Jim Duggan) coming off of a competitive PPV loss against no less than Batista is just what the doctor ordered. After coming up on the losing end of a high-profile match such as challenging for the WT (much as was the case on Raw where was concerned Umaga, a static character whose been booked amazingly well), the big question and determining factor for where a character is headed weighs heavily upon how that character is booked after said huge match. If tonight is any indication with respect to where Kennedy is going, it’s straight to the top, baby. Really, I get a sense of watching something special unfolding week after week with Kennedy, the same feeling I got watching the rise of Steve Austin in the WWF. Not saying Kennedy is the second coming, or trying to set the bar too high, but it’s the same feeling. Good stuff here!!!

Oh, and don’t think I’m not looking forward to Kennedy getting a rematch against Batista next week! That match could go a long way in telling us where Kennedy is headed for WrestleMania!

MNM stands for “More Nastiness, Motherfucker!” – Had the match tonight simply been Matt Hardy versus Mike Mizanin, I’d be content to say, Hey, nice match in what is looking to be the latest installment of Operation: Rebuild Miz (after being made to look like a dick against The Boogeyman, The Undertaker and Kane in recent months). While the roof was never in danger of catching fire or anything, this was a fine little contest, The Miz, still again, stepping up and showing that he’s got more than his Sleestack haircut and a HooRAW! to bring to the table (of course, being, again, paired with a knowledgeable performer this week in Matt Hardy, who, I’ll grant you, is no Benoit, but still is certainly no Lashley, certainly didn’t hurt, which they need to continue to do in The Miz’ regard).

However, I really enjoyed the fact that Joey Mercury, one-half of the amazing MNM, crept out to ringside and completely laid out Matt with the face guard he’s been wearing to protect what’s left of his face following the brutal ladder shot he took in the WWETTT ladder match a couple months ago. With Michael Cole and JBL echoing THE HARDYS’ proclamation that they were “done with MNM” and moving on, this was an awesome declaration of war, not just laying out Matt, but costing him the match, thus giving The Miz his first victory since Bob Backlund was sane. This match, which, on Raw would have been simple filler, has the opportunity to multi-task, in helping to set up the ladder re-match for NO WAY OUT, as well as give The Miz a platform upon which he might start gaining some actual credibility. Well done!

Anybody think Kane’s rental got vandalized with a reeeally big key…? – All hail the return of King Bookah and the Delectable Queen Sharmell (looking especially delectable here tonight…now THAT’S hair, Kristal)!!! This segment was just what I needed, considering mic time since losing the WT has been pretty slim for My Sovereign Lord. I loved the foreshadowing afforded by the shot of the Royal Couple holding hands, Bookah’s ring being featured prominently…nice stuff. Now, I know I’m marking out here, and this promo either tickled your fancy or you thought it was too long, there’s prolly little middle ground…that’s fine. I loved the little touches, like the fact that, during Awards’ season, that Bookah should have a prepared speech…GOLD. Also, why is the ANCIENT Order of Royal Houstonians being represented by a bunch of 20 year-olds *coughlocalwrestlerscough*? I’m beginning to think this group is as legit as that ICT tournament in Rio de Jinero…And, hey, Book, uhm, pardon me, Majesty, KING Book, what exactly IS an “ack-you-lade”…? LMAO

Now, mind you, I could complain that my worst fear for Bookah is being realized, in that, since we’re apparently setting up the King to face Kane, the Lost Soul of WWE, for WM, that it does indeed appear that, following dropping the WT, there really was nothing much planned for him, I’m not going to speak out of turn just yet. I have this sneaking suspicion that there’s going to be a story involving Bookah, Kennedy, MVP, Kristal Marshall, Vickie Mooooorerro and maybe even The Miz all banding together against General Manager Teddy Long, especially since Kane has been a favorite bearer of consequence for Long since joining the brand. The notion is intriguing, so I hope I’m Right…let’s wait and see.

purgatory:

8:00pm, Friday, 2 February 2K7 – Yes, friends, that odd sound you heard as the clock struck 8 o’clock was the sound of wrestling boners popping across America because we started our show with Chris Benoit defending the United States Title against none other than Finlay! Now, this was a great match (insert “Drawn Together”-style “ahDUUUHHHHHH” here) and any night we get fifteen minutes of Benoit and Finlay under any circumstances is a damn good thing in my book. However, there were some philosophical conditions that left me a little cold on this match:

1) It seemed to me that this match really was filler, a hot pairing with a belt on the line to open the show and bring in and keep the interest of curious viewers who may or may not remain for the duration of the show. Okay, obviously, like I said, there was wrestling wood all over the country for the first quarter-hour. However, when all was said and done, this match, a UNITED STATES TITLE match, mind you, appeared to be simply a vehicle for setting up Kennedy/Boogeyman, which, unless an angle is run by which Finlay is pissed because Boogeyman cost Finlay the UST and picked on The Little Bastard as means by which to do so, it, again, seems a little ass-backwards to me, especially since that would, in effect, set up Finlay as the face, and, of course, we simply MUST cheer Ol’ Wormy. Something about his smile…it haunts me like the Windsong that stays on my mind (Kudos if you get that reference, BTW).

2) Furthermore in this vein, not only was the UST looked to be an afterthought in the match’s outcome, so was the champion, Chris Benoit. Boogey’s music hits and all attention focuses on Finlay, Lil B and Boogey. Benoit defends his title with a schoolboy (a little beneath someone of Benoit’s stature, but effective, nonetheless, I suppose), the ref counts three and then we don’t see Benoit again the entire night. The champion was made to look as if he barely eeked out a victory, which is good for future clashes between these two top-notch performers, but if they wanted to go that route, shouldn’t there have been an icy stare-down between challenger and champion? No, what we got was Finlay peering, confused and menacing, up the aisle to where Boogey stood doing his best imitation of the creature from the “Jeepers Creepers” franchise.

3) Let’s peer ahead to Boogey/Finlay. It seems to me one of two things is likely to happen. One, we have business as usual and Boogey no-sells everything Finlay throws at him and will do away with The Fighting Irishman in under five minutes with some lameass pump handle slam. And rioting will ensue among the wrestling purists. And Geoff kicks in his television, calls Larry and resigns from The R’s. Or, Two, this could finally spell the end of Boogey’s walk through the graveyard and he’s actually made to put up and show himself for the fraud he is in the ring against a master like Finlay. OR, perhaps McMahonagement is trying to “legitimize” Boogey, and, who better to hold his hand through a five-minute match than Finlay? OR, perhaps they want to do away with Lil B and have given Boogey the honor of killing off the character a la Bossman/Snow/Pepper…? All I wanna see is Finlay beat the make up off Boogey’s face and maybe knock out a few other teeth, and I’ll be happy as Vito at a Lane Bryant sale with Vickie Mooooorerro nowhere to be seen (they wear the same size, you know).

Batista gets impatient when he wears his wife’s sunglasses to work – So the main event promo, whereby we had Batista demanding to know of The Undertaker for which world title he wished to compete at WM, was exciting in an overbooked Raw opening segment where you know it’ll go to commercial with JR chortling, “Mah GAHD, King, this’z gohna be a bumpeh naht…whut else kin HAH-pen?!”

First thing’s first, though. I don’t want people to get the wRong idea about me and the manner in which I see The Undertaker. I have a very healthy respect for The Dead Man and wholeheartedly congratulate him on his first ever Rumble victory. Considering the fact that he’s getting SUCH a monster push and is VERY likely going to be a WC by WM, this Rumble victory makes me wonder if he’s close to retiring? It seems they’re spreading it on quite thick, doesn’t it? At any rate, he’s in the best shape in a decade and it totally shows in the ring, his legend and legacy cannot be disputed and if he’s good enough to tackle a champion’s schedule, I say, so the better. Besides, if booked properly, the man who eventually will unseat Taker for the title could cement a new young heel firmly in the main event. I even don’t mind his cross-brand jumping this week, because the tires are officially rolling along the Road to WrestleMania, the only place I really believe we should see a modicum of inter-brand fraternization, and the intrigue following Taker and his decision this week has been great, especially that moment when he rose through the flames on the stage on Raw…classic Taker moment, for real! (Of course, my question now has to be, how much more effective and awe-inspiring would that scene have been had we not been wiping our asses with the brand split for the past several months…?)

The rest of this promo just kinda felt a little Meh to me, even though, I must commend the unresolved intrigue and unanswered questions lending a true sense of episodic television around this matter, which is exactly what we want. It just felt as if the WWE bus had pulled up directly behind the curtain and performers just kept piling out of it for some mic time. I’ll not bitch about the fact that we still didn’t learn Taker’s answer, because we can hold off on that as long as possible, and play with the myriad of variables that center around that answer first. Case in point, the tag match Vince made pitting the teams of John Cena & HBK versus Batista & Taker (quite frankly, I think you’ve got your answer Right there…Raw’s tag champs will face off over the WWET and Taker will remain on SD! to take Batista’s belt, but that’s just me). A lot of variables and intrigue to be hyped there and it could be pretty fun. Mark my word, though, I got five that says Batista rides the apron for the better part of the bout…

Oh, yeah…nice job bringing Taker to WWECW to face Lashley, giving the impression his little replica belt matters, but the fact that Lashley was absent from the proceedings here tonight…well, as a great man once said, “Know your role!”

“Boobies, boobies, boobies…who needs em? I did all right without em!” – Neely O’Hara – Well, I kinda don’t have a whole lot to say about the bikini contest. I’d think it’d be a better use of time to, say, establish Deuce & Domino further as a team in an extended TV feud against veterans like William Regal & Dave Taylor, or in a tag under card program against THE TEACHER’S PETS for some kind of title opportunity (more on that in a moment), but, as things go, this was pretty fun. Kristal and Ashley always look great in these things (with the exception of Kristal’s weekly hair-don’t) and I’d like to thank McMahonagement for removing that crumb cake from the side of Jigglin Hall’s face and allowing her to become the talent I said she was all along, thus proving me Right. And I don’t know why people were so down on Jigglin’s singing…I thought she sounded just LIKE Brooke Hogan. Looked better, too.

Vickie milked for answers – As I alluded to earlier, I have a suspicion there’s going to be a movement by which a few SD! performers will lead a revolt against Long for the manner in which he’s booking such performers, which has lead to injuries suffered by such parties. Vickie and Kristal appear to be in the proverbial mush pot of this burgeoning plotline and, as stated, I think the story could have legs…four more, in fact, if Vickie’s involved. As I am perfectly horrified by Vickie’s new Bessie-Goes-Goth makeover, I will squash rumors to the effect that she went whole hog, so to speak, and got all her udders pierced.

For those who didn’t see the actual conclusion to this interview, which was posted on WWE.com, I’ll fill you in. Kristal asks Vickie one last question, “Have you called Jenny yet…?”

The wRong:

“Deuce & Domino put the ENTIRE tag team division on notice!” – Michael Cole – Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, the champs ARE the tag division!

Well, aside from the fact that this match just felt completely OFF, as if the teams just didn’t gel well at ALL, not being on the same page, this was just about my worst fear realized with respect to Deuce & Domino, whom I felt were being groomed for the public eye quite well, having been introduced their first two weeks against two pairs of jobbers, establishing their characters, being built by JBL, etc.

Well, instead of, as mentioned, having them put in their time against fellow curtain-jerkers THE TEACHER’S PETS in a “scratch-n-claw” for position on the brand, or the kind of on-the-job apprenticeship we’re becoming used to seeing on SD! against Regal & Taylor, the wad was shot big time and these annoying kids get a non-title shot at the WWETTCs in Brian Kendrick & Paul London…and get a victory…on free TV! What, NINE MONTHS established and talented teams can’t shake up the champs, and these Vinnie Kneel-n-Bobbarinos make this kind of a splash? See, friends, this is what one is forced to do when one dicks away one’s tag division. I’m not saying Deuce & Domino won’t someday be worthy of a WWETTT shot, but not after three weeks! I still want to see more out of them in the ring before I come up with a hard and fast opinion about their talent. I hate their gimmick more and more, as, even when I was a little kid watching Happy Days, I’d look at The Fonz and think, “Jesus, who IS this douche?”, but I suppose we all gotta start somewhere.

The Ridiculous

Aside from Vickie’s atrocious new hair, nothing of note!

I’ll likely be using it as joke fodder next week, but this week, I honestly do want to wish Anna Nicole peace now that she’s passed. Although there’s a certain twisted pleasure watching someone self-destruct in public, especially in the manner she did, one hopes such celebrity will eventually get their shit together and lead a contented life. Anna Nicole never seemed to find that centeredness. Since the dubious passing of her son, it seemed the vultures descended and brought more turmoil to her life than she did herself…even that vile little bitch, Bobby Trendy. I mean this, I truly hope Anna Nicole finds peace wherever she is now.

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]

Raw 2.05.07:

The Right:

Opening up big! – Raw opened up big this week as the Undertaker kicked things off as he made his entrance to the ring to make the announcement of who he chose to face at WrestleMania 23. Out next was Cena, then Lashley and then Big Dave. They all stood, almost in a firing line as the Dead Man stared them down. He then SHOT an evil intended look to Batista, gave the cutthroat and IT…WAS…ON. They had a little stare down as Lashley and Cena backed off and HBK then made his way to the ring. Since Cena didn’t have an opponent now, HBK gladly threw his hat into the ring. But it wasn’t as simple as that, because Edge and Randall K. Orton made their way out as well to challenge his…challenge. Finally Vince made his way out to the ring to clear this all up. He made a triple threat between HBK, RKO and Edge. The winner faces Cena at WM. Vince then went a step further and tried to salvage the fact that no one wanted to challenge Lashley for the title by making an open challenge to anyone on Raw. Overall this was a very good way to kick off the show. Part of me wishes that they would have built it a bit more, but part of me also loves that we have the top (two) match(s) set in stone for the biggest event of the year.

It also led to…

The Boyhood Born Again Christian’s Dream…Part II? – So we had HBK face off with Edge and Randy Orton as the main event of the show to decide the second half of the WM Main Event. This was a good match I thought, maybe not as good as some of the other work that they have done recently, but a very good match, and it continued a good trend on Raw. Good match, good booking with the finish as well as they played very well into the dissention between Orton and Edge, and basically there is no going back for them. HBK is now in the main event and now there is a lot to do with Orton and Edge. They could be in a one on one match, which should be good or they could be placed into the MITB ladder match at WM. Edge and Orton from Raw, say Kennedy and Benoit from Smackdown and RVD and Burke from ECW (to keep with Vince’s ECW deal) and that could be a hell of a fun match. We now have both main events set in stone in early February, and the build is on. Good shit.

Feud Consolidation – Sometimes the best way to build major or in this case minor feuds on TV, without giving too much away is through feud consolidation. This week on Raw they did that for three feuds, which led into a fourth potentially, which I feel is good work. Let’s take a look at this, shall we?

WGTT & Masters vs. Carlito and Cryme Tyme: First of all they meshes the CT vs. WGTT feud in with the on again off again Carlito vs. Masters feud. This is good because I don’t want to see Carlito vs. Masters go one on one and we just saw the WGTT vs. CT last week, so this was good as to not burn it out. They had a fun match, and TWGTT got a win in the end. I wish they would have just got the win instead of Hass having to pull the tights. I mean, it was a kick ass move by Shelton, it is OK for heels to get a clean or close to clean pin, especially off an illegal double team, that’s all of the “nefarious means” that they needed. Anyway, good use of time here.

Nitro and Melina battle Mickie and Crazy: So following up on last week, Nitro would face off with Crazy for revenge over the scuffle with Melina and Melina would challenge Mickie James for the Women’s title. First we had Crazy vs. Nitro. I think these guys have some chemistry, as Crazy has the experience and knows where to be and what to do while Nitro is improving almost weekly. While short, it was a fine little match and Crazy got the surprise win. I dug that, and I think these guys could have a fun little TV feud over the next weeks.

Then, as they were at ringside, we instantly transitioned into the ladies match, after the commercial. They had a good match, but what made it better is that they were stiffing the ever-living hell out of each other because they HATE each other. This will be a glorious feud if they get mic time as well, women that hate each other = money. Anyway, good usage of time and effort I thought.

Hardy vs. Flair – Ric Flair faced off with Jeff Hardy this week, it was non-title but if Flair won he would get a shot at the IC Title at WrestleMania. This was an amazing concept because the IC Title hasn’t been defended at WrestleMania since…WrestleMania 18 I believe. They had a good match, and even got the sympathy heat on Hardy when he “tweaked” the knee and Flair shoved the ref aside to go on the attack. Flair looked motivated and into it tonight, having a goodnight overall. Hardy did well, his only real mistake on a backdrop to Flair. Yes he is old, but toss the old man, he’ll land fine, when you don’t throw him he almost lands on his head like on Monday. Anyway, sorry about the nit pick, they had a good match, Flair avoids the swanton and looks for the figure four, but first he busted into the Flair RIVER DANCE~! The delay eventually allowed him to be rolled up for the disappointing loss. At first I was rather upset at the way Flair lost…

But it all led to…

Ric…FN…Flair cuts the promo that echoes what I have been saying about Carlito for months! – For those who wonder why Flair is still regarded as THE MAN…it isn’t just because he can still have a good night in the ring from time to time, it is because of the fact that he is still one of if not THE best on the mic. Here is the promo, thanks to MEEHOSS:

Flair: Hey where you goin?

Carlito: Hey, Me and Torrie — we’re goin’ out.

Flair: Goin’ out? Didn’t you lose your match tonight?

Carlito: Yeah, but ya’ know… he cheated or somethin. It’s cool…

Flair: It’s “cool?” You realize there’s a Triple Threat Main Event match goin’ on tonight live on RAW to see who goes to WrestleMania? You’re tellin’ me it’s cool you’re leavin?! You’re not gonna’ stay and watch the show?!?

Carlito: Carlito’s not in the main event, so what do I care?

Flair: Didja’ ever stop to think that there’s a reason why guys like you — and I’m talkin’ about GUYS LIKE YOU — are NOT in the main event? That’s right, WHY you’re NOT IN THE MAIN EVENT?!? Because maybe, you’re a LAZY, underachievin’ son of a bitch, lucky to be walkin’ the halls of this building. Lucky to be on the Raw Roster! LUCKY TO BE HERE AT ALL! You’re really pissin’ me off right now!

Carlito: ‘The hell’s your problem?!

Flair: My problem? I’ll tell you what my problem is. GUYS LIKE YOU that have NO PASSION… NO GUTS! You know, for all the money that you want, all the glory that you want, you wanna’ fly first class, you wanna’ walk around with someone like her [gestures to Torrie]? YOU DON’T DESERVE IT. Ya haven’t WORKED for it. You haven’t bled, sweat, and paid the price to be here. THAT’s what drives me crazy. I’m walkin’ this hall tryin’ to figure out why guys like YOU are takin’ MY spot!?! YEAH!!! Guys like YOU are takin’ MY spot! I’ve been here FOREVER. And I’m gonna’ work my ass off to stay here. McMahon told me today that if I wanna’ stay I gotta’ prove it to him. You wanna’ stay? You gotta’ prove it to YOURSELF. It’s not ‘cool,’ it’s PATHETIC. PATHETIC!!! I’m walkin’ around tryin’ to figure out what my name is, and you’re LEAVIN? Before the main event?!? Yeah, ME! Sometimes I walk around, tryin’ to figure out WHO I AM… and the whole Goddamned place knows who I am. Except ME sometimes… and you’re leavin?

This is basically the same shit I have been complaining about Carlito for a while now, him being lazy, and I loved hearing Flair lay it to him verbally. Hopefully this will be the tide turning promo and they have some plans for Flair and in the end it will mean something for him and who he puts over. A wild and crazy Flair cutting promos on the young guys that don’t do shit is going to be awesome. This may have been the greatest promo I hear all time, all my life.

puRgatory:

Balls vs. Umaga – So this week we had some carry over of the Vince vs. ECW Originals program. Balls Mahoney was there for some reason and he was to have a special opponent. UUUUUUUMAGA~! This was fine because it still gives Umaga something to do and keeps him strong after the Cena program, which we noted was important. So that is a good thing.

-The second good thing is that it keeps working the Vince vs. ECW Originals program that they started last week on ECW. So there is some continuity there, which is nice. We like continuity here in the CsonkaMania Empire.

-But I have to say that Balls was jobbed the F*CK out. He got ZERO offense and as far as representing the “ECW Originals” he did a poor job there. That isn’t good booking if they are trying to make them look strong. This is the problem they have still, I think that Vince still sees ECW as ECW. Dude, you OWN it. Stop trying to entertain yourself and work to make more money.

-And yeah I have to mention this. Brand Extension? What Brand Extension? The stuff with Lashley is forgivable because he was already there and they were playing off of the Undertaker deal. There was no reason for Balls to be there. They could have done something on ECW tomorrow where Coach shows up and says Balls has to face THE TEACHER, Burke and other guys and have him job in a HANDICAP MATCH, which would have played off of the 4 on 1 beat down of Burke. This wasn’t good booking in the end, but there were some redeeming qualities so we will go with purgatory.

The wRong:

Nothing of Note

The Ridiculous:

Lashley vs. Kenny – Now we had the big opening of the show, all three champions (which was a save I feel as they screwed the pooch on Smackdown by not having Lashley out there, and also not having him included in the match for No Way Out really devalued him) and Vince does his best to help Lashley by saying no one challenged him because he maybe the most dominating and best “WWE” Champion right now. And that since he was here, he would allow ONE Raw star the chance to challenge the ECW Champion. Normally this would bring on a Brand Extension rant, but this was a part of setting two WrestleMania main events, a show where there is Inter-Brand matches, so I will let it slide. They had a chance to do something interesting here.

-But instead of doing something cool or surprising, they made Lashley looked like a mid-card Raw guy. Worse than that is the fact that when called upon the only man “important enough” to challenge THE ECW CHAMPION was Kenny…yeah Kenny.

-The match was dull as hell. I just couldn’t get into it. I wanted to enjoy the match, it was “fine” in all reality, but it just didn’t do it for me. They has a match, it was there and that was all. And the worst part was that Lashley, the DOMINANT ECW Champion that has defeated Big Show, RVD, and Test needed 10 minutes to beat Kenny? KENNY? It made Lashley look weak, made the ECW title look weak and did ECW no favors in my opinion. This was the lowlight of the show for me.

Jerry Lawler – Hey asshole, quit burying talent on air. Seriously, why the hell was he constantly making fat jokes about Crazy? Seriously, it isn’t like they are burying Crazy and he lost. HE WON THE MATCH! Put the guy over please dumb ass.

ECW on Sci-Fi!: 2.06.07:

The Right:

Direction, direction, direction: Lots of things right tonight in my opinion, and it is all attributed to everything finally seeming to have a direction. It’s amazing what a little effort will do to a blah show. Everything tonight served a purpose, whether it turns out good or bad, some direction is a good thing.

ECW Originals vs. the New Breed/Battle lines have been drawn: Since it appears as if at least for a while the majority of the show will be revolving around this storyline, so we will call it a right for now, but break it down where things need to be. It appears as if the sides have been chosen, and I for one could not be happier. It looks as if we will have Matt Striker, Marcus Cor Van, Elijah Burke, and Kevin Thorn representing the new breed to take down the originals. I like how all the new breed are fairly fresh faces to the WWE audience as a whole, not just new to ECW. Granted Thorn and Striker have been in ECW pretty much since the restart, but they are still fresh faces. Vince and company could have just as easily plugged Holly and Test into this story, but it is a good idea not to. The participants they chose will be a lot easier to see as a “New Breed”.

Elijah Burke vs. Rob Van Dam: These two have a fairly decent match. Elijah Burke continues to impress and he actually came across as a star in the making tonight. You easily get the impression that he is the one that is going to benefit the most from this angle, and provided he continues to be a consistently good performer, that can only mean good things for Burke, and ECW as an entity. Especially if the rumors about RVD giving notice to the company are true, ECW needs, now more than ever, to establish some stars that will make people want to keep watching after he leaves.

Purgatory:

Holly vs. Lashley: Good to see Holly wasn’t injured in his match last week with RVD, as I originally thought. These two had a quick, decent match. Holly has been looking motivated as of late, and a program with these two could be good. That being said, Lashley pins Holly clean. Just as with Test vs. Lashley, where can they take it now? What does the champ have left to prove? Oh that’s right Snitsky debuted and beat up Lashley, then let Holly beat him up too. We will have to see if they can turn it around, but for now it looks like this one is over before it even starts.

The Wrong:

CM Punk: Man, you really have to ask who this guy pissed off. What started off with such great potential for the Punker, looks to have died and rotted on the side of the road. Punk is still one of the most talented guys on the roster, so it is not like they can’t turn this around. It’s a shame to see him wasted, and this week he wasn’t even on the show, or mentioned. The good news for Punk is that he can easily be plugged into the Originals vs. New Breed angle, and presumably could join either side without much backlash. With Punk’s addiction to competition, he could even take a neutral stance and fight both sides for a while before he is forced to choose.

Surprisingly nothing else: After last week, I thoroughly enjoyed this show for the most part. Not saying they don’t still have their problems, but nothing glaringly bad that it belongs here….Except maybe Psycho Snitsky, but for now we will leave him in purgatory, to see where they take everyone’s favorite baby kicker.

The Ridiculous:

Snitsky: Ah yes…the man of Lita’s nightmares has arrived in ECW, looking an awful lot like Lita’s baby daddy Kane. So we are supposed to buy that Snitsky shaves his head and becomes a bad ass? Maybe it is the shaved eyebrows that will do it? How do they expect us to buy him as a threat, when the guy hasn’t been on TV in how long? A year? Sure they had that decent video package that he was coming, and then he debuts in the same show. What was the point of the buildup video? Did it make someone call their friends and say Snitsky is going to be on ECW tonight? I think not. Hype videos do not hype anything if you spoil the hype as soon as you try to build it. I don’t think anyone will buy Snitsky as a threat to Lashley, or anyone else in ECW for that matter. Someone call Rene Dupree and Shannon Moore, and let them know they will have company soon.

Extreme Expose: Again, no problem with hot girls…no problem with hot girls dancing half naked….The problem comes in the form of the seeming lack of ability to perform a routine in sync with one another. I’m no professional dancer, and it takes a lot of booze to even get me on a dance floor, so I can’t say how tough it would be to organize a new dance each week…but didn’t the Nitro girls do it and do it a whole hell of a lot better? Problem number two I have with this is the fact that this is a one-hour show. How is it the booty train gets on TV, yet we have no CM Punk? Like I said last week, use the girls during commercials. With a one hour TV program, you need to build stories as much as possible, and unless these girls end up playing into something soon, they are going to be given a violent shove into the wrong section.

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So I have decided to just discuss the show as it is and then award an “R” to what I have discussed. It is basically the same, yet a little different, much like WSX is to wrestling fans. So I figured, why not give it a different treatment than the other shows.

–Introducing Human Tornado: HUMAN FN TORNADO~! This dude I just too cool, and it is a treat to see his wackiness on national TV. Not a great wrestler, but has some impressive moves, a ton of charisma and can entertain. Good stuff…HUMAN FN TORNADO is a big right.

–Limiting the musical guests: This is a quick one, but the musical guests are VERY limited and I am liking that. It is enough to get them there for the MTV faithful that will stick around from the other programming, but not enough to take away from the wrestling. Also, they make no difference to me on commentary because the existing announce team is bad in my opinion, but not bad enough to drive me or anyone away I feel. I just don’t enjoy their announcing. This would be a HUGE right.

–Starting the tag division: So we had our first tag team encounter this week on WSX and that was Team Dragon Gate (Masato Yoshino and Genki Horiguchi) vs. That 70’s Team (Joey “Magnum” Ryan and The Disco Machine). This was a fine little match, not great, but not bad. It is a nice thing to see the Dragon Gate guys on US TV like this, and Ryan and Machine look to be a very fun tag team. Good stuff here.

Also after the Human Tornado Match they did set up for what will be a TLC match, Tables, Ladders and Cervezas! It will involve Luke, Kaos, Al Katrazz and Aaron Agulara, the former Jesus.

They also set up a tag match for next week with the Filth and the Fury, who had cut a promo and open challenge, will face the Trailer Park Boys who also had a video package on the show, introducing themselves, and they are wacky characters. Good introduction albeit in a wild fashion, we’ll say Purgatory overall until we see more, but it is a good start.

–Crowning a new champion: I think that when a new promotion begins, establishing you top stars and champion is a very important thing to do. WSX made sure to do this in episodes one and two. Episode one saw 6-pac and Vampiro, well known to wrestling fans win the initial wacky exploding Royal Gauntlet of Destruction and get a match for the WSX title. They followed up in week two with the title match, securing these guys as the top two in the promotion. I think that is fine because they are known names, and can help draw viewers in while the young and not well known talent wow the fans on the under card with their crack like matches, and I mean that in a good way. As I said, this is trying to be different, and they are accomplishing that. This would be a right.

–Overall: We got to see the debut of one of the coolest dudes around in the Human FN Tornado, so that ruled. We were treated to the Dragon Gate guys, who had a fine albeit short match with the 70’s team and got the first ever WSX champion. They are managing to fit just about the same amount of wrestling on the show as TNA, which should be a message to TNA that they are dropping the ball there. As far as the difference, they are doing that. They are putting on the chaotic style that WWE would never dream of doing and that TNA will do, but make you pay for. There is obviously an audience for that and they are targeting it well. There is the car crash stuff that is catchy and they are making sure their fans get that and the crazy explosions and hardcore action people wanted from the new ECW but didn’t and won’t get. TNA can give you this stuff, but as I said, only on PPV, not on their TV shows. I still cannot decide if I love or hate this, but I will admit, right now it is different and that makes it pretty fun. Also, for those that may misunderstand me, let me fully explain. I like the shows, they are fast and mindless and fun if that is all you want. But there is a part of me, the part that loved the NWA and had “traditionalism” beat into me when I trained that makes me feel like I don’t. But they are doing what they said they would do, be different, and that is a good thing for wrestling fans period.

Match Results:

Match #8 – Christian Cage defeated Jeff Jarrett @ 16:30 via pin to become the NEW NWA CHAMPION ***¾

The Right:

C-5 (Captain Charisma Christian Cage = Champion) – Christian! Christian! At last…you’re on your own! That is now officially true as Christian, out of the WWE confines has struck out on his own and proved all of his doubters wrong by winning the NWA Title. He and JJ had a really good match I thought, and if they would have dumped some of the crap it might have been even better. But overall I can’t complain, because as a main event it delivered well. The ending was excellent as they exchanged some cool counters and then Christian hit the “Unprettier” which I have decided to rename the “Canadian Rage” for the win. The ovation was tremendous as they crowd was wild for the title switch. I just wish JJ had more than 10% good heat, as in Orlando he had 90% “GO AWAY” heat as they chanted, “please retire.” Fact is they were electric for the switch, Cage embraced his “HOTTY WIFE~!” and then entered the ring to hug longtime friend Rhino as the ring filled with fans and fireworks went off. That was an emotional and excellent moment, and you know what? It was only a moment that could happen in TNA. You couldn’t have that ending with the fans in a WWE event; it would be anarchy to the max. With TNA, there is something good to say about the small, controlled environment. It adds a charm, and like I said, that moment couldn’t happen in the E.

The real test is next month as it appears as if Christian will face Monty Brown. He and Christian had one match already and it was “good.” Monty has proven that with the right guys, “JJ and Christian” that he can be carried to a solid to good match. But the time is now for Monty to step up and show that he IS the contender most think he is. Christian will have to have his working boots on, maybe he still has the ones he worn when he was wrestling Cena. Lighten up you fucks, it’s a joke!

Joe vs. Daniels vs. AJ: The Rematch – Ah yes, a match I know I was waiting for as well as many others. These three men have put on some of the best matches not only in the last year overall, but in TNA’s history. Their first match in fact was received as the best on the company’s history and ***** my many (although I think AJ vs. Joe from Turning Point was better.) Since that match happened, many discussed the rematch, because we all knew that it would happen. They made it for this PPV, and once again AJ and Daniels were in an awesome match at Against All Odds. These three men went in there and once again put their bodies on the line as they beat the living shit out of each other. Christopher Daniels might just be an angle for surviving that clothesline/suplex combo. Watching this again I still agree with the first rating I gave it, and might even go to ****½ as this was an amazing effort to follow up that first match. In fact, I am going to change it. Awesome work and I give them permission to fight until the end of time.

Rhyno vs. Abyss – First off, on the pre-show James Mitchell gave an awesome promo for this match, with a real preserved “Fuji Mermaid” there to drive his point home. This shit is from his personal collection as due is like a ‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’ nut. That was an awesome way to hype the match, and Mitchell proves more ad more why he is awesome by doing promos like this. I give full permission for these guys to kick the shit out of each other once a month for the rest of time. Abyss and Rhino have this odd chemistry that you just wouldn’t expect. Everyone loves to talk about how Angle and Benoit, Flair and Steamboat or any combination of Joe, AJ and Daniels is excellent but the big bruisers never get the proper due. Every match they have had, whether on Impact or PPV had been at the very least entertaining and in some cases just kick ass. This one was as well. While they couldn’t use the stip as much as they wanted to due to Universal being afraid they may break something, they delivered 15-minutes of hardcore ass kicking. The best part about these matches, besides that they are good at them is if you look at the card, there is nothing else like it there so this is fresh, a break and something that the people crave. While some will complain about it being contrived, the ending was great in that it really makes Abyss a hard ass. Rhino had to put the dude through 4-tables off of the bleachers to get the win. It also makes Rhino look great because he was man enough to do it. Great stuff.

Tag Team Action – If you take out the LAX vs. James Gang match, there was some great tag team wrestling on this show. First off we had the Naturals returning to PPV to defeat Austin Aries and Roderick Strong. This was a very good choice for the opener, as they had a great pace, some sweet moves and overall a good match. The only bad things were that Aries jacked his knee when Chase Stevens did a top rope Shooting Star Press to the floor on he and Strong. I swear that guys don’t know how to catch each other anymore because Stevens went about right through them and that’s how it happened. Also the other thing that bugs me is I wonder if Aries and Strong lost because it was a return job or because it was punishment. Looking like punishment to me.

Then we had AMW vs. Sabin and Dutt. AMW gave a great promo putting over Sabin and Dutt saying that they were on a roll and defeated some good teams, but that NONE of them were AMW. They went on to have a good match, not great mind you, but good. Dutt got knocked silly and Sabin’s ankle was still hurt. They did do a good job of putting on a good show, and it was a nice change for the tag title match. Sabin and Dutt were protected in the loss I feel and are still a viable team.

Then we had Team 3D vs. Team Canada, in the PPV DEATH SLOT. That’s right, after the 3-way rematch and before the NWA Title match. The crowd was tired, they wanted a break and these guys had an uphill battle. They went out there and had another really good tag team match. Some think it was great, some like me think it was just good but the fact is that they went out there, put on a different tag match than the others, kept the crowd and did their job. Over all, while not that clean, it was a damn fun match and in the end, TNA proved why they are the home for tag team wrestling in North America right now. VIVA TAG TEAMS!

The Rest of the X-Division wants attention too! – With all of the attention within the X Division on AJ, Joe and Daniels there were some other guys saying, “HEY, DON’T FORGET US!” Jay Lethal, Petey Williams, Alex Shelley and Matt Bentley went out there Sunday night with something to prove and they did just that with a great 4-way match. The match was non-stop action from bell to bell, and was a true showing of what these guys could do. Anyone of these guys could have used the win, but I really enjoyed that Lethal finally got his big win. It fit perfectly as they have built Lethal as having a ton of talent, but just needing a break to get the win. He got it off of Petey getting distracted and Lethal getting a roll up. All 4-men looked strong and this was a great late addition to the card.

The wRong:

The LAX vs. The James Gang – The only real eyesore on the entire show was this match. I was able to see the whole deal on the replay and this was just horrible. I didn’t expect this to be anymore than passable, with the possibility of good, but it was ASS. First off Homicide and Kip couldn’t work together to save their lives. They looked like a couple of 2nd week trainees trying to work together; it was so bad. Kip about killed Homicide when going for a tilt a whirl deal, Homicide came up a little short coming in and Kip just, I donno but it was bad. “Machete” didn’t help things either, as he didn’t look “Indy-riffic” but instead looked totally “jobber-riffic.” Konnan to his credit tried to put him over in a promo pre-match as a member of his army but it just didn’t work. Bad match here, they are lucky that these guys and the angle still has heat otherwise it would be totally dead.

The Ridiculous:

Come on now, seriously… – They had Larry Z and Dave Hebner walking around stating that anyone that interfered in the title match would be fired. Then they said that there would be no gimmicks and shit allowed. They also had Earl Hebner as the referee for this. Well Gail Kim sure as hell interfered in the match; and JJ used a guitar in the match I know I saw. They had multiple ref bumps and went against everything they attempted to lay down before the match. They just went and did it anyway, why? I will say one thing, they did totally go away from the normal JJ title match formula, and that made me happy. These guys had a GREAT match. But it COULD have been more, and could have been really important if they would have left all of that shit out and had a straight match. The end of the match was killer, sweet reversals but it felt a little cheap with all the crap, that we were promised wouldn’t be there. And where did Larry and Dave go? They came out, then disappeared, probably back to the bar. This is just some of the stupid shit that TNA does that annoys me to no end.

The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:

Apolo – Al right, so the last PPV he has travel issues and couldn’t get to the PPV and they thought about getting rid of him. I was all for that because if you can’t get your ass to PPV, you have no business being on the roster (Examples: Hardy, Waltman.) But it was apparently weather related or a flight delay, out of his control so they give him another chance. Fine. But they he decides he is going to bitch about doing the job and his position in the company, and one of two things happened. They told him to stay away or he no showed again. Either way I don’t give a flying fuck, say good-bye Apolo, we don’t need you anymore. This is a man that has had numerous opportunities with TNA since the very beginning! He had been pushed as an NWA title contender, he won the tag titles with D-Lo, NWA Title contender again and now into a storyline with people that may not be great in the ring, but are over. He no shows last month, ands then this month. TNA, get smart and cut the dead weight loose. There is no reason to keep him around anymore and a lot would argue that there never was. The worst part of this is that as soon as Konnan came out with Homicide and “Machete” you knew the LAX was about to lose and “Machete” was doing the job.