wrestling / Columns

The Kayfabe Chronicles 2.13.07: Hulk Hogan Faces Gargantuan Hurdle to Immortality

February 13, 2007 | Posted by J.D. Dunn

Hogan Faces Gargantuan
Hurdle to Immortality
by staff writer J.D. Dunn
March 27, 1987

DETROIT, Mich. — When Terry “Hulk” Hogan steps into the ring across from his massive opponent on Sunday, it won’t be the first time he’s been outweighed and outnumbered. However, unlike previous foes like John Studd and King Kong Bundy, Andre “the Giant” Rousimoff brings to the table something even greater than his 7-foot, 500-pound frame — the stature of a fifteen-year undefeated streak.

No one in the history of sport has put together a win/loss record on par with the man from Grenoble, France. Making the feat even more impressive is the fact that Andre often duels multiple opponents because many wrestlers are too afraid to face him in one-on-one competition. In addition, he holds the record for most battle royal wins, tearing through as many as 19 other competitors at a time. It’s an achievement unlikely to be duplicated in our lifetimes.

Not only is Andre’s total record amazing, but he also has a knack for stepping it up in big events. At the very first WrestleMania, Andre won a “Bodyslam Contest” against John Studd, a match which many insiders felt was an upset because of Studd’s comparative quickness and ruthlessness. WrestleMania 2 saw Andre trapped in the ring with the hottest young tag team in wrestling, the Hart Foundation, at the end of a grueling battle royal that featured the finest athletes from the NFL and WWF. Andre emerged victorious, despite the odds, tossing both Bret “the Hitman” Hart and Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart with relative ease.

The Brain Behind the Brawn

As if Andre himself was not intimidating enough, he has also enlisted the talents of veteran manager Bobby “the Brain” Heenan. Heenan is certainly no stranger to Hogan, guiding the likes of Studd, Bundy and the Mighty Hercules against the champion in a futile effort to bring home the gold. This time, Heenan fully expects things will be different.

“I don’t care how small you are. I don’t care how big you are,” says Heenan. “If you don’t have any brains, you’re lost. I’m the head of the family. You listen to me, you go to the top.”

Hogan feels the pressure
as the match of the century nears.

It’s a promise Heenan can afford to make even after a series of debacles that saw Heenan get humiliated by the Hulkster. Andre’s size has given Hogan fits in the past, and the big man has bulked up since those early battles. Jokes Heenan: “Andre’s so big he gets phone calls from Cape Kennedy telling him to duck whenever they launch a shuttle.”

“[Heenan] is a consummate professional,” says WWF play-by-play announcer Vince McMahon. Despite being derided by many for his win-at-all-costs attitude, most within the WWF feel the same way. Heenan’s list of clients reads like a laundry list of wrestling’s top talents. Nick Bockwinkel, Studd, Bundy, “Killer” Karl Kox, the Blackjacks, Ray Stevens and many others have all enlisted the services of “the Brain” at some point. But Heenan won’t take on just any “ham & egger” as he puts it. “When you’re paired with Bobby Heenan, it’s a sign that you’ve really made it to the big time,” says one preliminary wrestler under agreement of anonymity.

The Three Demandments

So how does a man hope to stand a chance against these kinds of odds? Simple — training, eating your vitamins, and saying your prayers. At least, that’s what the three-year champion hopes. It’s a formula that has served him well in the past against greats like the Iron Sheik and the Wild Samoans.

If Hogan is to be successful this Sunday, conditioning will play a large role. Training is something that “the Hulkster” is renowned for. Barely a day goes by at the Venice Beach, California “Gold’s Gym” that doesn’t see Hogan pushing his physique to the maximum of endurance. As a result, Hogan is seen as one of the wrestling’s most powerful competitors. His biceps, or as Hogan dubs them “24-inch pythons,” rival that of any weightlifter or bodybuilder. It was this kind of strength that allowed Hogan to power out of the Iron Sheik’s infamous “Camel Clutch” and bodyslam the massive King Kong Bundy.

In addition to his rigorous workout regimen, Hogan is also a notorious stickler when it comes to his diet. He is strictly against sugars of any kind while training. “That’s just empty energy,” Hogan explains, preferring a diet high in proteins and carbohydrates to increase muscle mass. His “Python Powder,” which he one day hopes to market globally, mixed with a little fruit and spring water is one of Hogan’s routine dietary supplements.

Andre the Giant	Hulk Hogan
7’4″	6’7″
525 lbs.	307 lbs.
Grenoble, France	Venice Beach, California
17 Years Pro	10 Years Pro
Headbutt, Vertical Splash	Axe Bomber, Legdrop

Finally, Hogan encourages the “little Hulksters” to say their prayers, and that just might be Hogan’s saving grace. No pun intended. In basketball, you have the “sixth man.” In football, it’s the “twelfth man.” At the Pontiac Silverdome, Hogan may well have a second man in the ring with him – in spirit, if not form – as the crowd is expected to exceed 80,000 fans, many of whom will be cheering for Hogan.

“When the electricity from all my little Hulkamaniacs starts coursing through the largest arms in the world,” Hogan rabidly describes, “there’s not a force in the universe that can stop the power of Hulkamania.” So far, he’s been right.

It doesn’t help matters that Andre’s decision to challenge Hogan is so unpopular with the fans at-large. While Andre is certainly deserving of a title shot, given his record, it seems to be the way he went about the challenge, controversially showing up on “Piper’s Pit” with Hogan’s arch-nemesis and ripping the crucifix from around Hogan’s neck to drive home the point of the challenge that has fans in a tizzy. It was a far cry from the Andre the Giant who poured champagne over Hogan’s head when he first won the belt back in 1984. One thing is certain: this is something Andre has been keeping inside for more than just a few weeks.

“He was out of line. Way out of line,” says a Hogan supporter from Boston. “You have dirty laundry, you handle it in-house. You challenge him like a man. You don’t do that in public to a guy you’ve known for years.”

What’s At Stake?

Immortality, for one. With a win, Hogan can solidify his status as the number one wrestler in the world today. While he’s certainly been a dominant champion, there have always been rumblings throughout the industry wondering who the best wrestler in the world really is. With his reign approaching four years, Hogan is positioned to become the longest-reigning champion since Bruno Sammartino a decade earlier. A loss to Andre the Giant could mean that Hogan will be just another in a long line of one-term champions.

While Andre the Giant cemented his place in wrestling lore merely by stepping foot in the ring in the early 1970s, he has amazingly never held a world title. It’s the one blight on his career that Andre hopes to wipe clean. “Three years to be a champion,” Andre says pensively when asked about Hogan’s reign. “It’s a long time.”

But the match is not only a watershed moment for the wrestlers. A lot is riding on the show for hundreds of thousands of wrestling fans who will be in attendance or watching on closed-circuit television.

“The atmosphere is unbelievable,” says WWF color analyst Jesse “the Body” Ventura. “This truly is the match of the century.”

Indeed, even before the first bell rings at the Silverdome on Sunday, most fans and analysts agree that the epic confrontation between the two goliaths will go down as one of the all-time great contests. “This is the Superbowl, the World Series, and March Madness all wrapped into one,” Ventura sums up. But perhaps the eight year-old boy standing in line for Hogan’s autograph summed it up best: “It’s Hogan and Andre!”