The Ripple Effect 3.02.07: SmackDown’s “Bride’s Maid” Syndrome

Intro-spection

It’s been one week, and my last column is already out of date.

Last week I submitted a fantasy booking idea for the ECW Originals vs. New Breed match at WrestleMania, and I chose as the leader of New Breed the guy who seemed like the new “it” guy in ECW, Test. After all, he was fighting for the title less than one month ago, so it would stand to reason that he would still be in good graces with the company two PPV’s after that, right? Well my assuming has made an ass out of…just me, and Test has gotten himself released as a result of Wellness violations.

Surely this comes as a surprise. I’d heard about his Wellness troubles, but I didn’t think things were bad enough for an outright release. 411 posted a MySpace blog entry of his, which suggests that he was one who decided to leave. And since Test is apparently afraid of stalkers and has his profile set to “friends only,” I’ll just copy the entry down right here…

“Just want to thank you fans for the last year…I love to hear you boo me. I always said I would get out of wrestling when it wasn’t fun anymore….and that’s what I did. Don’t get me wrong I still love wrestling, I always will but right now the WWE is not for me but no sour grapes I had some fun up until a month ago when the politics kicked in like they always do and at first ECW was so much fun, I can only imagine it when it was the real ecw but when Paul Heyman left ECW left with him..what was left of it. Sorry if I let any of you fans down but I needed to leave there for me…so to all the fans thanks again.”

Take that for what it’s worth.

Anyway, thanks for fucking up my predictions ANDREW! You just lost another testicle. Let’s get on with the RE before ECW becomes even less star-studded.

Diversions…

As I watched the Oscars Sunday night, I realized how few movies I’ve seen since coming to college. My activities usually occupy most of my weekends during the school year, and I spend most of my time at home on the Internet, not because I don’t like watching TV or movies but because the TV isn’t in my room, and I like my room more than TV. Don’t ask.

My point is for the first time, I watched the Oscars only having seen one nominated film…and it was Borat. I haven’t even seen the Blockbusters on the list like Pirates or Superman. I even own Little Miss Sunshine but just haven’t bothered to watch it yet. Essentially, I shouldn’t be allowed to discuss awards; therefore I won’t. I’ll just say that Ellen was funny and that all those Dreamgirls songwriters will probably be voting Republican now.

Reader Feedback

I’m going to turn our attention to TNA and make a special request for your personal pontification this week. Now, we all know that Samoa Joe will eventually win the NWA title. The only real point of debate is how to book it. Well, that’s basically what I want to know from you guys. Is he going to beat Christian at Destination X? Will they wait for him to beat Angle for it? Let me know what you’d like to see, and we can all get each other’s hopes up. That way when he finally does win the title…over Jarrett…thanks to interference…by Sean Waltman, we can all be sad together. I eagerly await your opinions.

Anyway, onto the e-mail…our first is from Jason Swain:

Let’s start with ECW at WrestleMania. It is surreal.. and being a WCW fan (from like 95-2001).. it’s still surreal to me to see the Big Gold Belt, the United States title, Ric Flair, Eric Bischoff, and Hulk Hogan on WWE programming. (I know, Hogan, Flair, and the Big Gold Belt had been there before.. but it just still doesn’t seem right). Having ECW at WM will be odd.. but it still makes me question. You have three shows… you have three federations with name recognition. Smackdown even has WCW’s belts.. why not just call it WCW Nitro? You’d draw in WCW fans, at least for a week or two. But I digress. Every WrestleMania in the past few years has been PART of a wrestling fan’s dream, as far as the lineup goes. Hogan and Austin at some of them.. Flair wrestling on some of them… Lance Storm at this one.. Booker T at that one.. The Rock against Hogan… JBL against Cena… Big Show wrestling… it’s like.. there’s something for everyone. But really… that’s when you combine the shows together. At this point.. Vince NEEDS to make WrestleMania something way beyond the normal PPV. It’s expected, and he’s really been coasting for the past few years.. with WM being, as I said, PART of a wrestling fan’s dream.. but there’s always a piece missing. Make Hogan vs. Austin happen.

I totally agree on the Nitro idea…it’s really what I thought they would do since they had the intellectual property and trademarks and everything. Nitro was a more established name than SmackDown at that point, so it would’ve made sense. However, that would require Vince to unofficially admit that WCW creation > WWE creation, thus Nitro no longer exists.

I think that WWE has done a good job of making WM special in recent years, especially with the selection of performers they have. And while it would be kind of cool to see, I just don’t think Hogan/Austin would be a very good idea. For some reason it seems like more trouble than it’s worth. I will say this though: there would be a lot of drama for those near-falls.

Better yet, give me a card featuring Hogan, Austin, Rock, Flair, HBK, Undertaker, HHH, Cena, Batista, Foley, Orton, Edge, Bobby Lashley, The Hardyz, MNM, Booker T, CM Punk, RVD, Melina, Mickie James, Ashley, Ken Kennedy, Kane, Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, and Sabu, then fit what you can in out of Elijah Burke, Finlay, Super Crazy, Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Marcus CorVon, Umaga, Boogeyman, William Regal, Dave Taylor, Deuce and Domino, TWGTT, Cryme Tyme, Cade and Murdoch, Carlito, London and Kendrick, and Kenny Dykstra. As a matter of fact.. I dare your readership to book me a BAD card featuring those people. You just can’t do it. There were 31 people on last year’s Wrestlemania card..22 people in 05, and 46+ in 04. So booking a card with the number of people I mentioned isn’t out of possibility.

There you have it, guys. He’s issued the challenge…book it!

Marcus CorVon and Matt Striker vs. Sandman and Tommy Dreamer

There’s a card fitting EVERY ONE of those people in.. granted it needs work and is 15 matches long.. but that could be fixed. The thing is.. Vince could make this happen, or something very close to it. So whatever he comes up with.. he’s coming up short, y’know?

That would be one exhausting night of wrestling. Let’s see if anyone comes up with something better…

And.. I’ve rambled on for way too long already.. but my other point to make is this. When you look at the total package.. not how good of a wrestler, or how good of an entertainer… you pretty much have to rank people in the wrestling industry something like this:

Thanks for the space!

There’s nothing wrong with a little rambling my friend; it’s the only way anyone knows what someone else really thinks.

You’ve got quite an argument for your top four there, but I don’t think I would put the Rock at a tie with the likes of Flair, Hogan and Austin. Hey, I love him as much as anyone, but in spite of all he did he just wasn’t around very long. If you’re looking for level of fame and fortune as a criterion then Rock certainly belongs up there, but if you’re looking at accomplishments and contributions to the sport of professional wrestling, then Shawn is quite solidly above the Rock.

Thanks for the thoughts. You’re clearly an ambitious man!

From Charles P. Hardy, who wants to do some of his own HBK hatin’:

I really enjoyed your response to Saad Manzar view of HBK but when it comes to Bret Hart I have to disagree with you. You claimed that HBK has been in the buisness the entire 20 years. In fact HBK was basically out of the buisness from 1998-2002. He had a 4 year brake and he debuted in 1984. Thus he has been in the buisness for basically 19 years. Hitman on the other hand debuted in 1976 (Some claim it was reallyin 1978) He retired in 2000 thus making him at least a 22 year veteren who did it with out any breaks. Either way you look at it Hart has been in the buisness longer than Michaels. If you want to compare their in ring work it has to be Bret hands down. He didn’t have to have a stipulation to have a great match. With HBK its either blood, ladder, tables, cages, or chairs. Outside of his match with Hart at WM XII (Which happens to be an Iron Man Match) his only great match without a stipulation was with Y2J. Hart had great matches with Owen, Davey Boy, Piper, Benoit, Hennig, Undertaker, Steve Austin, and Bob Backland and he didn’t need any stipulations to make it great. He used technical prowress as well as great in ring psycology to make it great. Now in my opionon Michaels is one of the top three performers of all time. He was more charismatic than Bret was but he still didn’t quite get over as Bret did and that was based on his horrific face turn in 95. So, overall I can agree with a lot of what you have said but in no way is he ahead of Hart.

Thanks for your time

To be clear, I’m perfectly aware of Shawn’s injury. I just didn’t include it because he still wrestled at the beginning and end of the time period in question (1986-2006), a little condition some of you guys have forgotten in this little debate of ours. I am in no way arguing that Shawn is a better wrestler or has done more for the business than Bret Hart over their careers. I’m also not arguing that Shawn’s career was/is longer than Bret’s. What I’m saying is simply that for the LAST TWENTY YEARS, HBK has to be looked at as the best, most consistent and most enduring professional wrestler of that time period.

And if you want to look at HBK matches that did well without stipulations, just look at his match with Shelton from a couple years ago. That was nothing but two wonderful athletes doing cool shit to hurt each other. Also, look at the match with Angle at WM 21. They did their spots on the ring posts and announce table, but the match was a straight-forward contest with two guys who just wanted to prove they were better than the other guy. HBK can get by just fine without fancy stipulations.

But I don’t have to persuade you that HBK is good (you admit that yourself), so I’ll stop there. Thanks, and you know what you’re talking about, that’s for sure.

And finally, from my girlfriend, who wishes to remain nameless…you’re about to find out why:

Honey-
I don’t know who this Matt N. person is, but he is not your biggest fan. I am! : ) So tell Matt N. to back off and stop sucking your cock, as that’s my job.

And I love you!

That’s the GF for ya! Isn’t she precious?

I’m endlessly appreciative of the e-mails, and please let my mailbox overfloweth!!

The RE Wrestling Clip of the Week

The Lashley Cage Hop!

If Bobby Lashley ever becomes a legitimate superstar, people will point to what he did this past Tuesday as the first sign of his true greatness. After a year and a half of trying to build Lashley up by simply having him beat everyone, his probable greatest “moment” came after he successfully defended his title. I think part of the allure of this particular moment is that we don’t expect this kind of stuff from him. So when he does something like jump THROUGH the fucking cage ONTO the Umaga, it causes this “holy shit” vibe to emerge. That is what makes a superstar, that illusion that he’s going to do something other guys can’t do. I’ve been waiting for Lashley to finally do something interesting, and the cage hop is one hell of a way to do it! The link only goes to the WWE.com videos section with the clip on it (damn Javascript), but it’s most definitely worth checking out.

Main Topic – SmackDown’s “Bride’s Maid” Syndrome

In recent weeks, Friday Night SmackDown has scored its highest ratings since UPN merged with the WB and the black and teen markets were tossed together back in the fall. The Road to WrestleMania, highlighted with the Undertaker’s return to the title picture, has gotten fans interested in watching SD, and it seems like the blue brand is establishing some momentum going into the most exciting part of the year. But as we all know, things haven’t always been champagne and caviar for the boys of SD. Its reputation has gone on a rollercoaster ride ever since the brand extension made it an independent entity in 2002. I’m sure you guys can all recall a time when SD was rather revolutionary, and I’m equally sure you can all recall a time when it was downright embarrassing.

But one constant has stuck with the brand through all the ups and downs: its firm and obvious status as the number two show in the company. Despite a brief renaissance in late 2002-early 2003 (thanks largely to a certain failed football player to be mentioned later), there’s been little question in the eyes of insiders and marks alike which brand is the priority. How did a show that had such a talented group of performers and showed so much promise dwindle down to something that at best can only be described as “satisfying”?

In television, this concept is called “jumping the shark,” a phrase taken from an episode of “Happy Days” in which the Fonz…jumps…a shark…on water skis. This was considered the turning point in the “Happy Days” run from the goodness to the badness, and the phrase is still used frequently to describe events on TV shows which signal that the writers are pretty much out of ideas.

So, to which SD moment can we attribute this notorious label? Well, to point to one event would just be inaccurate, as plenty of phenomena added up to sully the good name SD had established so well in the beginning of the brand split. The first big blow though has to be the spring/summer of 2004. I’m speaking specifically of the timeframe between WM XX and SummerSlam 2004, when it seemed like SD had become the official testing ground for shitty gimmicks and guys no one gave a flying fuck about. Does anyone remember Mordecai? Kenzo Suzuki? How about the tag title runs of Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty? Charlie Haas and Rico? Now if your answer was yes, let me ask this: do you remember them fondly?

And the most hated move of all was to move the WWE title from the beloved Eddie Guerrero to the newly-named and universally despised John Bradshaw Layfield at Vince’s first crack at the Great American Bash. The character of JBL first surfaced right after WM and immediately targeted Eddie’s title, in spite of the fact that Bradshaw was floundering in the tag scene mere weeks ago. Simply put, the fans weren’t buying it, and JBL became scapegoat numero uno for being inserted into the main event, seemingly without reason. Had the character been given time to connect with the fans before becoming world champion, it might have worked a little better; we do love his character now, after all. But WWE decided to put an unproven act over SD’s most popular star at the time. Now, was this the only thing that made this period suck ass? Of course not, but it was certainly the most glaring and infuriating. The show had done very well for itself the first couple years of the split, but the events of spring/summer 2004 gave fans a great excuse to start tuning. It’s not like they were missing anything.

Another factor to point to, albeit not as crucial as the last one, is the move to Friday nights. When WCW debuted Thunder back in ’98, WWE followed suit soon after and helped make Thursdays the unofficial number two night for wrestling on TV. Fridays, on the other hand, have never been a proven timeslot for any television program that isn’t “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” much less one targeted toward a younger audience who like to have lives on the weekends. Although the dropoff wasn’t dramatic, SD definitely lost a portion of its audience as a result of the move. Unfortunately, these things tend to produce a…ripple effect…and SD has become less and less of a commodity because of it. Putting ourselves in Vince’s shoes, if no one’s watching, why give them anything important? This attitude has done to SD what Joel Schumacher did to the Batman franchise: rob it what made it so good in the first place. Sure the show still has a “wrestling” focus, but it still insists on giving us Mark Henry and Boogey (complete with lifelike miniature). Essentially, SD has become “Raw Lite” because of plain and simple apathy.

These first two problems brought big trouble to the blue brand, but I still think it could’ve persisted had it not fallen victim to the biggest downfall of all; the unending removal of its top stars. Do you guys realize that at the time of WM XIX in 2003, SD had the following guys on its roster: Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Big Show, Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, Edge, John Cena and Rhyno among many others? I don’t know about you guys, but that’s a stacked ass roster to me. But one by one, fate intervened to take most of them away for whatever reason. Let’s take a look at the biggest ones…

First and almost foremost is the guy who SD had put almost all its faith in, the guy who debuted the night after WM X8 and won the main event the NEXT YEAR, Brock Lesnar. After winning the title for the second time from Angle at WM XIX, Brock became the constant in SD’s main event until he decided that despite the massive amount of money and fame he gained is less than two years, the wrestling thing wasn’t really for him. This was a huge blow to the brand and the first of many occasions when SD lost one of its brightest lights.

Out of the Lesnar controversy came the guy who had just been crowned the new United States Champion at WM XX. With the unlikely success of a one-shot gimmick, John Cena became the fastest rising star sans-Brock in the show’s history and ended the JBL regime at WM 21 one year after Lesnar ditched the company. When compared to Batista, SD shockingly found itself with a more marketable champion than Raw. And what did they do? Send him over to Mondays. The Champ was dealt to Raw for World Champion Batista, in a move that seemed like it would do lots of good for both brands. In hindsight though, Raw clearly got the better end of the deal, as Batista hasn’t clicked on nearly the level Cena has. Again, the most exciting star on the show was snatched up.

But SD had just the guy poised to give the new face of SD some competition and opportunity for character work: Eddie Guerrero. I’ll always consider it a cruel fate that Eddie was scheduled to win the title the very day of his horribly untimely death. Now, I don’t want to be so shallow as to use someone’s death to complain about a wrestling show, but you can imagine how this hurt SmackDown. Not only did the brand lose ANOTHER of its top guys, but it inspired the year-long “let’s base Rey and Chavo’s careers around Eddie now” storyline that probably drove away some more viewers.

But through all that stuff, one man always stood tall as the persisting symbol of SD’s spirit and uniqueness. A five-month stint on Raw notwithstanding, Kurt Angle had remained a cornerstone of SD since the brand split. He had three world title runs during the time on the brand, and he fought in what is still the only SD-only WrestleMania main event. When he was brought out by Paul Heyman as his draft pick for the new ECW, I didn’t even put together the fact that Kurt wouldn’t be on the blue brand anymore. You just identified him so much with the brand that it was weird to see him in that ring (and even weirder a few months later). This can be seen as the latest in a long line of karmic responses to SD trying to become more than a second-rate organization. And man, sometimes it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for them.

Now, you could also point to other factors to explain SD “bride’s maid” syndrome. For one, the bookers haven’t been able to run compelling title divisions for the entirety of the brand extension. Also, they never seem to main event any of the interbrand PPV’s (unless the Raw guys are in some kind of tag match). And there’s nothing special that’s SD-exclusive anymore (even Hulk Hogan was SD-only in 2003). But these are more trends then events, and I think it’s the events that have defined the show’s role more than anything else.

There was a time, a time we can all remember, when SmackDown really was the “number one brand in all of sports entertainment.” And there are plenty of folks out there think that’s still true. But as long as WWE continues to treat SD as inferior, it will be inferior. Will the recent momentum they’ve established with the Taker/Batista program bring the show to heights not seen in years, or will we simply concede that the blue brand has “jumped the shark” and get on with our lives? I wonder what Brock thinks…

Pluggin’

Don’t forget to check out these fine entries by my esteemed colleagues at 411…

Ask 411

WOTW

Fact or Fiction

The Top Ten

Hidden Highlights

3 R’s

The Shimmy

Schmozzes & Screwjobs

Friendly Competition

The Fink’s Payload

The Quick Talkdown

High Road/Low Road

Truth B Told

The Independent Mid-Card

The Goodness

Column of Honor

That Was Then

Shining a Spotlight

Sendoff

And that’ll do it for another edition of the RE! To sign off with, I’d like to propose a question to you guys. I read this in one of our Sociology of Deviance textbooks, and I thought it raised some very important considerations regarding one of the most serious topics in our culture. The author presented what’s called a “thought experiment,” which basically means “let’s assume this one hypothetical event happened and speculate about the implications.” Anyway, it goes like this…

Jane and her boyfriend haven’t had sex in weeks. She feels bad and thinks they might be about to break up. They go to bed. She wakes up in the middle of the night and feels one arm around her waist and another around her left leg. She feels something push inside her and realizes he’s having intercourse with her. She stares at the wall and pretends to be asleep. She’s 19 years old, and he’s the second person she’s had sex with. She doesn’t like what’s happening now, but she doesn’t usually like sex with him so much. In a couple of minutes it’s over, and he rolls away from her and goes to sleep. They both get up the next morning, and neither one mentions what happened the night before.

The question, my fellow scholars, is this: does the preceding situation qualify as rape? I haven’t really made up my mind yet, but I’m very interested in what other people think. And boy do I hope it wasn’t like that for Matt and Lita.

Have a great week, wrestling fans!