WRestling’s 3R’s 3.09.07: RetRo Destination X, Stone Cold, Stone Cold, Stone Cold, ECW is going to WrestleMania, Finlay is Money in the Bank and More!

iMpact 3.01.06:

The Right:

Steiner and Angle go wild! – Impact began with footage of Angle and Steiner brawling through the building this week. After that we see Cornette yelling at Angle for jumping Steiner. Cornette says if he can’t control himself he’ll have to go. Angle grabs Cornette and Cornette goes off and says not to ruin his show. Angle then says he will do what he has to do and Cornette can do what he has to do. This set up for later when Steiner was to battle Chase Stevens. Angle attacked and had to be escorted from the ringside area. Steiner, for no reason then squashed Stevens in 30 seconds and then they brawled again. I would have skipped the short and really useless squash and had them just jump to the post match angle when they brawled again and Cornette had to come out. Cornette said that Angle has lost his mind and that Angle cannot do this. Angle then attacked Cornette and tries the ankle lock on Cornette! They pull Angle off and Cornette says he is Angle’s best friend in TNA and all these guys would cut off his balls for his spot. He knows Angle means big business. The hell with you, security, all of you; get him the hell out of my building! This worked well as is shows that Steiner is getting to Angle and that both men are out of control. They are either going to have a good and fun brawl or it will be ugly, but I have some hope.

puRgatory:

The X-Division 6-Man – First of all there is the fact that they called this match a “Classic X-Division Match.” I believe that it is a little egotistical to call a “classic” before it even happens. It isn’t as if they went to the archives and pulled out a great match to show us, they just had a match as told us it would be a classic. Don’t tell me what is classic, I will decide for myself thank you.

Secondly, there was the Kevin Nash appearance. This was totally unneeded. They wasted almost 2-minutes at the beginning with him coming out and trying to get Lethal to do the “Macho” impersonation. While it is funny, I don’t know, are they going to make him a Macho Man Clone? Starr does the mannerisms better in my opinion, sure the voice is funny, but it is a gag, a bit, and nothing that will get Lethal over in the long run, no matter what AJ Styles tried to tell me.

Thirdly there was the match itself. For the 5-minutes that we got to see it was a fine match. Actually it was really good what we got to see. I am still a firm believer that we should get a 10-minytes X-Division match each week and let them go all out. They are special, something that would and did set them apart from WWE but they have went away from that and it is a shame. Still this was fine stuff, what we saw of it.

Finally there is Bob Backlund. Speaking of what we saw. When they came back from commercial break they focused WAY too much on Backlund on commentary and the camera was constantly away from the match. This is bullshit. They aren’t there to get crazy Bob Backlund over, the guys in the ring are supposed to be getting over. He is fun backstage, before and after the matches. But the fact that they focused on him so much was bad in my opinion and hurt this “classic” match.

Joe and Abyss – While maybe not so much a wrong thing, this one was just an odd occurrence. Samoa Joe is cutting a promo on Cage and Tomko and doing a damn fine job while we see in the background Abyss is going wild. Joe then goes to stop him and decides it is time for a morality lesson. He tells Abyss that he can be a puppet or get over it and listen to Sting. Stand up for yourself! Now this did lead into a later event where Abyss attacked Joe after the main event. Now I will put this here because it could lead to something later I suppose. Maybe Joe will win the title and Abyss will be his first challenger, if that is the case then they have actually set the angle before hand and that is a good thing. But as for now it comes off as a very random event.

The wRong:

LAX Attacks Rodz/Ray Promo/Beat Down – @lex Shelley came to the ring this week as he had another masterpiece of cinematography to debut to us, Massacre in New York. This one was of LAX meeting, greeting and beating down Devon’s trainer and mentor Johnny Rodz. This one, to me at least works better than Ray’s Uncle because the wrestling fans will connect to the mentor. @lex then praised his work and the men involved and Brother Ray made his way to the ring. This is where things get dicey for me. He comes out and called @lex a punk, told him to shut up and he didn’t understand why he would do this. Oh yeah, he also called him a “nobody.”

Ray says that Rodz was a father to Devon. Rodz is a legend, who are you Shelley? A nobody. Ray asks why he would do that? He says they have no heat because Ray doesn’t know who he is.

That’s real good, put the kid over Ray. Then I think he realized that he fucked up and was like, “you’re a future star kid, but I want answers.” Nash then came out to the ring, for about no purpose. Ray said they had no heat because this was between he and Nash’s but buddy. Tremendous, gay innuendo, that’s so innovative. LAX then attacked and Ray ran all three off for a while until @lex got the low blow to even things up. This kind of bothered me as well. I have been vocal about Ray as of recent. He is overly stiff in the ring, no sells guys like Homicide, buries guys in promos and then has to look strong in a multi-man beat down. In all honesty Ray has done a ton to derail the LAX momentum and that is a damn shame.

What are the rules exactly? – Maybe a small nitpick here, but I think one that should be addressed. The nitpick is this: What exactly are the rules of the Elevation X and Last Rites matches?” If I were to guess the Elevation X will be a new take on a scaffold match with the losing man being the one to fall. Also if I were to guess the goal of the Last Rites match is to beat you opponent down to the point that you can strap him to this casket looking table and then raise him to the ceiling. Now these are all guesses because TNA has not exactly come out and told us what the rules are. And if someone like me that follows the product as closely as I do am guessing at the rules of the matches, then newer viewers have to be completely confused. And that is never a good thing.

The Ridiculous:

Wait…Joe lost to… – TOMKO? Seriously Tomko. When I heard about it from the tapings it made it seem as if Joe was prison raped, gang beat and then pinned after a chair shot. So I thought to myself, f it is a giant schmozz and beat down, maybe, maybe it would be “ok.” But then I came to my senses and knew nothing good could come of this. So I watch the match, and I would have to say that this was probably the best Tomko match I have ever seen. He looked good, Joe looked good and it was good stuff. But then Joe looks to get the muscle buster, the ref is trapped between the men and then Cage hits the ring and nails Joe with a chair shot and that the ref apparently couldn’t hear. Tomko then gets a clothesline and PINS Samoa Joe. Joe has only been defeated by Angle, so the next loss should have been important to someone, but not to Tomko who couldn’t get off of Heat most of the time. Here is a little factoid for you, Samoa Joe is 1-2-1 in the year 2007 as far as singles matches go. After 18-months of not getting pinned or submitted, he has been pinned two times in just under three months. This is a mistake. Joe has a title shot coming this weekend and should be looking dominant heading into that bout, not pinned by the flunky, no matter if he got help or not. I do think that this was a mistake, one that never should have been made. Whoever thought that this would create intrigue was wrong. Joe is a monster, a dominant force and should be booked a so. F*CK you Russo.

SmackDown 3.02.06

Welcome to another chapter in my life entitled good news, bad news. Late last week my co-worker Chris, a total Mac devotee, and I trundled over to the mall across the street from the office to check out iMacs. Yes, it’s time to upgrade my puter, as the poor little hamster running in the wheel that powers my current piece of shit is about to die. I was vacillating between PC and Mac, but Chris, during our visit to the Mac store, convinced me to go iMac. Upon returning to the office, I hopped on the refurbished section of the Apple site and found a 24″ iMac with everything I wanted for $300 less than the starting price in the store. That means I can actually write this thing from HOME now, as opposed to having to bang it out while managing a busy front desk at work, as I’ve done for the past nearly two years. Course, if I’m at home, it means I’ll likely be sloshed and/or faded as I write…let me know if you spot any lapses in quality.

Okay, one last item before we get down to business. The toxicology report was released this week with respect to what caused the death of Scott Charles “Bam Bam” Bigelow – “toxic levels of cocaine and the anti-anxiety drug benzodiazepine in his system as well as arteriosclerotic cardiovascular disease, narrowing of small blood vessels that supply blood and oxygen to the heart.” Now, I don’t know exactly what caused the disease to manifest itself in his body, whether that was something that would have happened anyway, or if it was a bi-product of his lifestyle, such as what took Eddie Guerrero from us, but mixing the other stuff is NEVER a good idea. Now I like my weed and have always been forthcoming about that, and I don’t mind a little coke every now and again, but, although I definitely see the appeal, it’s not really my thing. Granted, I’ve done my fair share of mixing (I used to hit the club and look for an EKG…stat…that being ecstasy, ketamine, or special k, and GHB), but I was stupid and am lucky. Please, friends, be smarter than I was and smarter than Bam Bam. It may not seem like it sometimes, but there are plenty of people we all take for granted who would truly miss us if we managed to off ourselves in such a foolish manner. I’ll step down off my soapbox now and get to bidneth, eef you weee-yull.

The Right:

The song was Right…he DID come back someday! – So Batista is 1) totally over killing the “good guys wear white” stereotype, 2) laboring under the misapprehension that intensity is best expressed by cuddly, white fleece, 3) making the most of the huge bill Mrs. Dave rang up at the Macy’s white sale, 4) making the most of his pre-Labor Day wardrobe, or 5) proof that Frosty the Snowman’s been hitting the testosterone injections with a vengeance. And proof that Dave reads The R’s? 1) He finally omitted that little Wonder Woman spin I’ve been harping on for weeks and 2) finally went out and bought himself a pair of men’s sunglasses. Well done, Dave!

Now THIS is how I like my Undertaker…graveyards, tombstones, full moon, open graves and thick, rolling fog. This was classic Taker, getting back to the mid-‘90s when the gimmick was written spot on, only now, Taker’s body is healed up and in solid enough condition to truly back up the intimidation. Judging from Batista’s reaction to the awesome filmed vignette from the cemetery, my prognostication from last week, in that Dave’s initial respect for Taker being met with The Phenom’s hard sell, will cause him to crack and turn in the interest of retaining the World Title, may just be in the cards after all…time will tell…!

Who knew pilsner, stout and malt liquor mixed so well…? – I truly enjoyed this match, although anytime Chris Benoit and Finlay are in the ring together, good things are bound to be the product of their efforts, even if MVP is involved. Not necessarily a diss on MVP because he has been showing signs of improvement over the last couple months, but, we’re talking Benoit and Finlay here. However, even the psychology here makes sense and has Mr. Continuity grinning like a Jesuit priest leaving the “confessional”. So, as Finlay shakes the stars from his eyes as a result of some wicked Benoit offense, MVP actually manages to unload with some pain of his own…that is, till Finlay recovers. The Irishman’s veteran cunning comes to the fore here as he manages to lure MVP into joining together against Benoit, taking advantage of the rookie’s naiveté, thus setting him up for a double-cross. Either that, or Finlay thinks about as much of the new “Ballin” elbow-drop as I do. Yup, that has People’s Elbow written all over it…*SARCASM*. Kudos, as well, to Benoit and Finlay for that SICK German on the floor! DAY-UM!

If I have a problem at all with this, it’s that Finlay will move on to $ITB, leaving Benoit to work his ass off to get a WM-worthy match out of MVP (even though they’ll likely only end up getting about seven minutes) and end up dropping the UST to the noob. My ideal situation would have been for MVP to have won the qualifier and gone to $ITB, where his deficiencies in the ring would have been adequately masked among the other seven participants and then had Benoit defend against Finlay for a wicked stiff UST match.

My money’s on the long-haired guy from North Carolina – JBL forcing Michael Cole to bow and kiss King Bookah’s ring as he and the Delectable Queen Sharmell joined them at the announcer’s desk was absolutely classic! This was a fantastic match, if for no other reason than the wealth of old school and honest-to-Benoit psychology employed by both Matt Hardy and Joey Mercury. Merc absolutely worked the hell out of Matt’s arm, making it the focus of his offense, strutting around the ring, even working in some Finlayesque innovation via the ring skirt. Matt sold the injury masterfully, as well, favoring the Achilles’ heel even as he mounted a comeback, winning with a killer Super Twist of Fate, proving that a one-armed man can, indeed, win an ass-kicking contest. One thing, though…when was the last time we saw Matt attempt a moonsault? It looked great, but the last time a Hardy missed a connection like that, Jeff ended up on stand-by at the airport. Ba-DUM-bum.

So if Kevin Thorn adopts The Piledriver, books himself to win multiple world titles, bitchslaps Sarah Silverman on Letterman and starts dating Jamie Lynn Spears, he can be a Hall Of Famer, too? – All in all, I have to say that I’m not much a fan of Jerry Lawler, especially as a wrestler. However, I will also admit to not having seen a wealth of his old Memphis material, so I can’t in good conscience call bullshit on his induction into the Hall of Fame this year. I’ve seen the whole Andy Kaufman thing, and, granted, though, it brought mainstream media attention to The King and his promotion in Memphis as a result, I disliked the angle completely, mainly because it was cheap heat and Kaufman was a bona fide freak. Bottom line, I’ve always favored performers who can fill a building based upon the merit of their in-ring ability as opposed to those who can get it done by talking the fans into the seats. Lawler is a perfect example of the latter, a big mouthed former radio DJ who jumped to the wrestling industry and managed to book himself into numerous world title reigns. I don’t really respect that and certainly wouldn’t put him in the same class as Curt Hennig or Nick Bockwinkle.

However, the fact is that his status as a legend is irrefutable and, although I may not personally care for him, based upon what little I’ve seen of his classic material, as well as his shenanigans once he jumped to the WWF (I must say that I positively loved his program with Jake Roberts in the mid-‘90s), I will, under no circumstances lobby for him NOT to be included in the 2007 class, so there you are. I’m also, on the same token, completely open to checking out his older Memphis material with a completely open mind and would be happy to change my views if so warranted. I’d certainly be remiss if I didn’t give Lawler props for the years of staunchly entertaining commentary with which he’s provided us over the last decade. I’ve mentioned it before that the Miss Rumble 2000 bikini contest, masterfully hosted by Lawler, is one of my favorite humorous moments in WWF/E history, so there you are. Congratulations, Lawler, and welcome.

purgatory:

Hey, there, I’m Vince McMahon, and I make 7:00 clusterfucks – There’s my homage to Rachael Ray, who still has yet to accept my Myspace friend request…grrr. Stephanie’s dartboard got a little action tonight, apparently. Can someone please explain to me what a B-Boy (Scotty 2 Hotty), a redneck (Jimmy Wang Yang) and a “punk” (Shannon Moore) have in common and what would move them to tag together, especially when Moore, who was a heel during his pointless tenure on WWECW, has had an apparent change of heart now that he has inexplicably been moved back to the SD! roster (where he should have remained all along)? And why, when we saw Gregory Helms glaring at Chavo Guerrero via the backstage monitor last week over the CWT, would the two tag up with Daivari this week? Oh, and speaking of Daivari, thanks for showing up to favor us with your poorly applied rest hold. Keep jamming those needles in your ass and robbing Jamie Noble of what should have been his spot on the card.

Although (most of) these guys really put on a fun match, it barely avoided devolving into total clusterfuck area. You wanna see a REAL CW match? Give JWY and the criminally underutilized and undervalued Moore ten or twelve minutes without the handcuffs. This was fun, but ultimately meaningless (unfortunately) and is just a lame tease which will lead nowhere and that’s a complete shame.

If those necklines plunge any lower, we’ll have to start referring to them as the Stock Market – Larry, my friend, if Ashley’s anorexic, then sign me up for the Karen Carpenter diet, cuz she looks GREAT! Speaking of Lawler, I loved the banter between Jim Ross and Jerry (sorry, but Bookah is my King) as the latter fingered through Ashley’s Playboy spread.

JR (as Melina hits the ring) – “We have Melina at hand!”

Lawler – “I have Ashley at hand!”

JR – “Looks like that’s not all you have at hand…”

Okay, JR didn’t say that, but I’d have hit the floor laughing my ass off if he had…

Anyway, as far as women’s matches go, this one really wasn’t too bad, considering that the increasingly entertaining Jigglin Hall, who really CAN wrestle, was there to make Ashley look good as she begins her WrestleMania collision course with Melina. And I have to say, though not quite akin to Hayabusa, Ashley managed to pull off some pretty decent high-flying moves, with Jigglin’s help. Of course, Melina’s no Hall, so the WM match remains questionable with respect to quality, but that’s later.

Incidentally, I was disheartened to hear that Jigglin Hall is, in fact, NOT spoofing Brooke Hogan with this hilarious new gimmick because, well, she’s awful and as cookie cutter as that kind of pop gets, and someone really SHOULD. I mean, Ashley Simpson is now a rung up on the ladder as a result of Brooke Hogan. But then again, she comes from such good stock…

The wRong:

The deck is stacked against Lashley…unfortunately, though, Lil Bobby ain’t playin cards – It’s not going to be as bad as you think. I know Lashley has to be built as a huge monster in a short amount of time to even appear to be qualified to face Umaga, and all parties are doing a good job thus far, but I’m just not sold, especially when classic hands such as Kennedy and Bob Holly are being recruited to make him look as good as possible. A blind reverse leapfrog? Bullshit. The thing that pisses me off about this match is that, again, we’re sacrificing Kennedy to get over a lesser-talented performer. And Kennedy was just bitched in this one…no rules for Kennedy, strict adherence is demanded of Lashley and guess who wins? I’m not concerned about Kennedy, because his time will come, but he reeeeally needs to start being built for his OWN reputation and not be sacrificed time and again for others.

My destiny says that I’m destined to fall – And that’s my homage to Stevie Nicks. I’ll be damned, Kristal finally dug up a decent wig. So what happened to MVP’s “destiny” to be the World Champion? Mr. Continuity is eyeballing a bottle of Jager, cuz he needs a shot or two. McMahonagement had the same opportunity to do with MVP that which they did with Kennedy following the whole BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION debacle and were showing signs of doing just that, giving MVP a real sense of purpose, which could easily have carried over into the Triple-Threat qualifier for the Money in the Bank match, as the winner of that bout gets a WT shot. But, no, now we’re back to square one since one of the brilliant brainchildren of McMahonagement came up with the “Ballin” catch phrase that will no doubt catapult MVP to Austin heights *SARCASM*. Sorry, I was almost interested in MVP for a bit there when it appeared they were going to get serious about him, but it appears he’s just back to looking like a scuba diver around whom Jacques Cousteau would have clenched together his butt cheeks.

The Ridiculous:

Mr. Continuity is so pissed, he’s mansacping in the corner with a pair of hedge clippers – Vince says the Battle of the Billionaires is the most important match of his career. Yeah? More so than the WWF HWT match against Triple H? Or the battle with Ric Flair over OWNERSHIP of the company itself? Whatever you say, Dr. Evil (and, yes, that is my new name for Vince till his hair grows back). Uh-huh…the Stock Market’s in the toilet, but the Wall Street Journal’s gonna bump that story to run a pic of your skin dome.

Umaga, from Raw, is clashing with Lashley, from WWECW, but we’re pimping the angle on SD!…? And the WWE Board of Directors is selecting the guest referee? Isn’t Vince the CHAIRMAN of the Board? Since when does Vince acquiesce to subordinates? The blatant level of anarchy and disregard WWE has reached in order to slap together a WM this year is absolutely maddening to me. This segment was so totally Austin/McMahon Lite it made me nauseous. Yes, it’s nice to see Lashley finally beginning to realize he has some fuzz on his nuts, but I question exactly how wise a move it is to push someone so green so hard. Lashley against Finlay, Benoit or Kennedy, okay, but Lashley/Umaga? *SHUDDER*

The true test of this program is where both performers go after WM. Obviously, Lashley’s going over, which means this is Umaga’s second high profile loss in a row. After that initial loss to John Cena, he was kept very strong (as a matter of fact, Umaga’s been one of the better booked characters of the past couple years), but one wonders what will be around the next corner for the Samoan Bulldozer. And as for Lashley, this feels like the Right story for the wRong time. If Lil Bobby can continue to grow and mature as a performer, by NEXT WM, this kind of high profile contest could skyrocket both him *and* the fledgling brand he represents to new heights. However, considering the newborn state of both, I feel this is an opportunity that will ultimately be wasted and be remembered as a footnote on an overall MEH WM. For the sakes of those of you shelling out for this one, I hope I’m wRong.

Has Vince been hitting the Guinness?! – Now, granted, the term Hornswaggle is appropriate for the character, as it means “bamboozle, beguile, betray, bluff, cajole, cheat on, circumvent”, you get the idea, I FUCKING HATE IT! You can swaggle my horn before I refer to him by that name. The Little Bastard it is on my watch!

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]

Raw 3.05.07:

The Right:

Nick Bockwinkle: Hall of Famer! -I have to say that I have enjoyed the people announced for the WWE Hall of Fame this year. I feel that Dusty deserved to get in and his video was awesome. I marked out hard for the Mr. Perfect addition as well and feel that he deserved it too. I am also glad Lawler is being inducted. I feel a lot of WWE fans don’t understand how great he was and hopefully this will show them. All in all it is going well. This week they announced that former AWA Champion Nick Bockwinkle would be inducted, and again I am pleased. Tuesday evening I had a talk with young Geoffrey and we agreed that this should be am educational induction. I feel a lot of later fans will view Bockwinkle as a “Flair rip-off” and that is not the case. His induction should be great and I hope that we will get a Bockwinkle DVD, but I won’t hold my breath. Anyway, this is good stuff and they are 4 for 4 on inductions thus far.

The Special Referee is…no, not him, or him, or him…yeah, him! – It was announced last week that we would get a special referee for the Battle of the Billionaires. Now this was know to some a while back, but when they told the live crowd last week even most of them figured on Austin for the job. So Vince came out and was hoping for it to be an impartial referee like…HIS SON SHANE~! So he’s out there and is rambling on about the Battle of the Billionaires, head shaving, Trump, Lashley, Umaga…selling all the points of the match. And then…”IIIIIIIIIIM BAAAAAAAACK!” Eric Bishoff appears from nowhere and proved that he is alive. He makes his way to the ring for swerve #1 and promptly disappears. Vince then goes back into his spiel and then Mick Foley appears in his classically bad looking referee shirt. Foley was in good form here as he said, “It’s funny…the last time I was in this ring I was kissing your ass and getting fired. And now you’re kissing my ass!” Vince attempted to offer a bribe of some sorts and Foley asks for his old job back so Vince re-hires him. Foley plugs his new book, the Hardcore Diaries. Vince gives him a chance to plug his book whenever he likes. Foley says he spends much of the book questioning McMahon’s reputation as a creative genius. He wants Vince to pay for his hotel room bill as well for this trip because he bought a double feature Christy Canyon movie he doesn’t want on his credit card, oh Mick you sly name dropping bastard! Vince says they have a deal but Foley corrects him. He says he’s the special referee…for a rib-eating contest and we get to see the Suns gorilla run out and be wacky and they left. Vince is now frustrated, until Shane’s music hits. Shane comes to the ring while Vince does the wackiest dance ever, but the joy didn’t last as Shane told him they lost the board vote and then whispered who the ref would be. STONE COLD, STONE COLD, STONE BHAH GAWD COLD! Austin came out, got a monster pop, ignored Vince, did the corners salute, drank some Steveweisers, spilt beer on Vince and that was that. An overall fun segment, they played with the crowd a bit to throw them off and then delivered and the pop was exactly what they wanted. This angle, whether I like it or not, will do big business and that is the name of the game.

Orton vs. HBK – Raw may have started off with some technical difficulties, but things shaped up as we began the Orton vs. HBK battle. You know, the combination of Cena, HBK, Orton and Edge cannot have a bad match together. Tags, handicap matches, singles in any form they do damn well and that is a good thing that Raw needed. So they were the opener, and it was a good match. Not great, but it was good for what it was supposed to do. It was the opening match and HBK knows how to work a good match without giving it all away since it is the opening match. Edge would try to break it all up, and HBK would get the sneaky roll up win. RKO would beat down HBK, and even though he said he didn’t need him Cena came out anyway for the save. It was a good way to kick things off, keep the main angle going and the weird thing was that at this time, it appeared as if Orton was firmly out of the WrestleMania picture.

Main Event Swerve/Angle – I liked the set up for the match as Edge asked if Orton would be at ringside to help him out and have his back. Orton was excellent and said I will say it to your face, no, I don’t have your back. Tremendous. So they go out for the match and as it looked as if Edge and Cena were about to do battle, MNM hit the ring. Edge said that he couldn’t perform in from of this crowd because they don’t recognize Martin Luther King Jr. day. And Nitro was here because his great grandmother was black (which would explain his great tan) and he was here, he is pissed and ready to whoop Cena’s ass. Tremendous. They had a fine little deal and then Mercury ran into stop the FU and MNM and Edge beat down Cena. HBK then ran down to the ring to stop the beating…but he didn’t. He stopped, stared down the ring, and turned his back and started to leave and as soon as the crowd popped they turned on him and booed. He then stopped, and turned around to look again as Edge had bailed…and turned again to leave. But FINALLY…Christ compelled him and he ran into save Cena. The build for this match is so great and makes me love life right now. This is good shit here and I love it.

puRgatory:

The Masterpiece – I am trying to have some faith in things here, and since I have bitched about the total jobbing of Masters (who I still don’t think is that good) they tried to do “something” with him this week. By the way check this out, you know, anytime a veteran takes the Masterlock Challenge they always rock it. HBK, Lawler, Duggan, they all made Masters look great. But the flip side of this is that when it is over, I think people care more about the vet than they do Masters. Hopefully they shit or get off the pot. Use him in SOME positive way or take him back to OVW and let him learn more and then bring him back.

Khali ruins the MITB Qualifier! – Carlito and Ric Flair were slated to compete for the final Money in the Bank slot this week. Flair cut a fun promo on Carlito to hype the match and damn when the man is on he is on and he makes me believe he can win. Go to school Carlito. That is always a good thing. They went out there and had a “fine” match. It was fine, not bad; average really. They went for about 4-minutes and then…Khali came to the ring. Flair tried to clop him down, but he got tossed down. Carlito got owned and tossed and then Flair ate the tree slam and Khali called out Kane. The only reason this gets into purgatory is because it allows a chance for Orton to get into the match and he will get that chance as I and many thought this Monday. This is for the best because he really needs a place on the card, and this is the place for him. I also think that this will finally fuel the fire for the RKO breakup. But if you were going to do a three way anyway, why the hell even do this? No one cares about Khali and to me it buries Flair and Carlito and the importance of the match to build to a bad match with Kane and Khali. Oh well, we can’t win them all.

The wRong:

Umaga vs. Hardy – I really wanted to put this match into Purgatory because they have done an excellent job of keeping Umaga strong after the Cena feud. But I don’t think that I can with a good conscience. First of all the match was fine, nothing bad about it but nothing that great. Umaga looks like a world-beater and a very important man while Hardy looks like a popular jobber in his loss. I seriously do not understand why they had to book this match again. I suppose for the rematch deal, but why do it if Hardy was to get squashed yet again? This is now the 4th time (Including the troops show) that Umaga has killed Hardy. Hardy looks like a complete jobber now going into the Money in the Bank match. While he has qualified they need to make sure that all of the guys heading into this match are strong because the winner will get a title shot. That is just my line of thinking anyway. So it was what it was, Umaga strong; kill man, Hardy small; take beating well. The good thing is that Hardy is so over that it won’t effect his reactions, but to me it ruins his perception as a possible title contender. Trust me, I know that they need to build a monster, but they should have picked someone else to do the job.

Mickie vs. Melina – It was announced last week that we would have Mickie vs. Melina for the Women’s title this week, in a fall count anywhere match. At the beginning they played to the stipulation and battled around the building, going backstage and brawling. They would go backstage to the makeup area and destroy that, throw things and end up in the ladies locker room. Victoria tried to get involved and ended up failing as Torrie would blind her with the Aqua Net of doom. Candace then appeared to get her towel ripped off, which we got to see nothing but the UK got an eye full of un-airbrushed boobies. Thanks for the screen caps by the way guys. They would return to the ring, and basically had a brawl as they do really hate each other. It was fine, but just not what I had hoped for. The end of the match was terrifying. Mickie went for the Super RANA and Melina I suppose countered and Mickie landed on HER HEAD and I thought she had surely died. This was Melina’s fault, she ducked her head and Mickie had nothing to rotate off of and get to her stomach. Lawler freaked as he should have and the ref should have been checking on her. This was scary as hell kids. Melina covered and got the win. After the match she went to get her title from Ashley and they had a stand off, where Ashley did not want to give up the title. She eventually did and then went to check on Mickie. This is all but confirming that they are building to Melina vs. Ashley at WrestleMania and that is a shame I think. It will not be a good match and I think they had the chance with Victoria vs. Mickie, Melina vs. Mickie or even Victoria vs. Mickie vs. Melina. Oh well, I guess they have to cash in more off the Playboy deal.

The Ridiculous:

Nadda~!

ECW on Sci-Fi!: 3.06.07:

The Right:

New Breed vs. Originals…at WrestleMania – So the New Breed vs. Originals feud continued this week and they finally took a good step forward this week in the booking of this feud. RVD once again stepped up for the Originals and took on Elijah Burke for the New Breed. They had a fine little match here, and I am still enjoying Burke as I think he has a ton of charisma and is growing as a performer. RVD got the clean win as his Original teammates kept the New Breed at bay. It is very obvious that RVD is the only one of the Originals that they take seriously as a star, and that is because he is perpetually over. He is the only one getting wins for the originals, and really when you think about it he is the only one that should right now. They then laid out the challenge to the New Breed for an 8-man tag at WrestleMania. This is fine with me because outside of an ECW Title match, which we aren’t going to get, this is the only other thing from the brand deserving of being on the show. It could be a fine match, and the New breed should go over and it should be Cor Von getting the impressive pin, preferably after a POUNCE buffet. He is and will be the big star from the group if given the chance.

puRgatory:

The opening talky bit – I think that’s what Furious calls it, and I will steal it this week because everyone steals from me. Plus Furious and I are tight, he likes to drink and I respect that. Anyway ECW opened up much like it would close this week with an interview segment. Vince McMahon came to the ring and says that Stone Could would be the special referee, and that they knew each other well. He then gave Trump a warning that this Monday he would receive a “Billion Dollar Bitch Slap.” Next he said that he saw Lashley backstage and saw fear in his eyes, and he apologized to him. Vince said it wasn’t good enough and that Lashley had to come out to this very ring and do it in public. Lashley did indeed come out to the ring and said he would apologize, apologizes for not beating the hell out of Vince for touching him and he “crushed” Vince’s hand. Lashley then left as Vince looked mad…angry even. This is good because it further promotes the contract signing and Trump on Raw. But I feel the segment was just there, not bad but not that impressive. I don’t by Lashley as a killer when he talks as it really takes away from the angle for me.

Stone Cold Hype – Besides the obvious, which is to pop a rating, I have no idea what the point of this whole segment was. Seriously, they have Stone Cold come to the ring and get the huge pop. He does his deal with the corners, gets a beer and begins to talk. He then gets some cheap poppage by saying that this was home because there was a WWE ring there. I thought this was ECW? Anyway, he said he was there to discuss “The Battle of the Billionaires, McMahon vs. Trump, Lashley vs. Umaga and Hair vs. Hair,” which was fine because as we could see he is an expert in the hair area. He then promised to call the match down the middle, and then decided to poll the audience to see who they thought would win the match. Of course people pick McMahon to win in a segment that seemed to drag in and on. In the end he guarantees that at WrestleMania there will be a bald billionaire and that’s the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so. Woo hoo! Yeah, that was that. While I am sure an advertised Austin appearance has the chance to pop the rating nicely, in the end it was really pointless as far as “ECW” goes. In the end ECW became a big ass infomercial for The Battle of the Billionaires, and while that is good for business it didn’t make the show that enjoyable.

The wRong:

Holly vs. Balls/Snitsky – So after his world title push and wins over a lot of the roster, Bob Holly comes crashing down to earth and is working the opening match with BALLS. First of all I thought Holly was going for surgery right after the feud with Lashley. Maybe someone got their info wrong. Anyway they had a match, it was ok I guess but nothing I want to go back and watch again. Holly got the win because Balls couldn’t buy a win in the new ECW and that seemed to be that. BUT OH NO…Snitsky came running in and delivered THE BIG BOOT OF MEDIOCRITY~! Mediocrity may be too kind actually. Anyway, we are supposed to fear Snitsky, he is a man on his own, Snitsky will destroy all. But in the end, I still cannot buy it. All he is, is the big bald guy that randomly runs down to the ring and throws mediocre big boots and looks scary with all of his crazy acne. They don’t even trust him with squash matches, which tells me something about him. We know he isn’t great and they are trying to build him, but won’t let him in a match. Very telling.

Where was my wrestling? – While this is not a huge offense this week, I felt like I wasn’t getting my fill of in ring action with only the two matches. Holly vs. balls was a 2-minute or so squash and then the big shaved retard ran out, and the RVD vs. Burke match got some good time but I think what is making me feel this was is all of the talking this week. We opened with Vince rattling on for a while and then closed with Austin rattling on for a while. Instead of wrestling we got lots of talking as ECW became a big ass infomercial for The Battle of the Billionaires. I am cool with them pushing towards Mania, but don’t sacrifice all of the wrestling please, especially on the one hour show. ECW has done well in providing wrestling for us over the last few weeks especially, and I would hate to see that end.

The Ridiculous:

Nadda~!

WSX!::
The show is on hiatus until next week when they will show a marathon of FIVE new episodes. I will do some coverage of those here, is come form. Stay tuned for that!

Match Results:

Alex Shelley defeated Jay Lethal @ 10:15 via pin ***

Lance Hoyt defeated Maverick Matt @ 8:05 via pin *½

Team Canada defeated The Naturals @ 12:38 via pin **¾

James Gang defeated LAX @ 6:43 via pin ¾*

Chris Sabin defeated PUMA, Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt @ 15:13 via pin ****¼

Team JJ defeated Team 3D, Killings and Rhino @ 20:19 via pin ***¾

Ultimate X: Christopher Daniels defeated Samoa Joe and AJ Styles to become the NEW X-Division Champion @ 13:40 ***¾

NWA Title Match: Christian Cage retained against Monty Brown @ 17:20 via pin ***½

The Right:

Promos! – Promos were in order this evening, and they were some of the best thing served up on this card. There are times, and rightfully so when people say that TNA doesn’t give good promos but this night was different. This night delivered twice.

First of all there was Christopher Daniels. Daniels always delivers solid promos, but often lacks that small part that can hook you emotionally, that can make you truly get behind him and view him as a superstar. On this night he was perfect, putting over the match as innovative and dangerous. Putting over AJ and Joe as the best, and most importantly putting over the X Title. The closing was just tremendous as Daniels rattled off this line: “Bare witness, be a part of the night as you witness my resurrection, my second coming…tonight as I regain my X-Division title. And that’s the gospel according to the Fallen Angel.” If you didn’t before the night began, after that promo and him winning the title you believed in self fulfilling prophecies.

Next was Father James Mitchell, a man that is awesome on the mic but sometime is under appreciated and doesn’t get enough mic time. He didn’t have to say a lot but what he said was powerful. He truly made you feel like this was a was and he was a demented general with his hand on the “doomsday button.” Pure emotion and evil coming from him on this night, and it got you so psyched for the match. Excellent work by Mitchell.

The X Division Shines – I thought that the X Division really took center stage at this show and did their best to make the show memorable. There were three X Matches on the card, all I thought did very well. Let’s look at those.