Wrestling’s 4R’s 6.01.07: RetRo One Night Stand, Batista gets another shot, Joe vs. Sting, Orton Invades ECW, Nobody cares about Santino and More!

iMpact 5.24.06:

The Right:

3D… THE STEINERS… GREATNESS – This was just great, there is no explanation needed. Instead I will share the greatness, as transcribed by 411’s MEEHOSS:

Brother Ray: The word on the street is that The Steiner Brothers wanna have a talk with us. Steiners — we’re in the ring. Whatever ya’ need, come on out.

Mike Tenay: Well, when it comes to legendary tag teams… when the historians write the books on the best of the best… when you look at the number of championships won and how dominant a particular team is in an era — NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, can top The Steiner Brothers. And possibly the most important element in forming a successful team is trust. Trust in your partner. Scott Steiner hasn’t had that in TNA until now. It’s Big Poppa Pump, it’s the Dog-Faced Gremlin — they’re on the same page. Last week on iMpact!, they broke down the door of Jim Cornette’s office with a challenge to come face to face with Team 3D.

Don West: We talk about the dream match up later tonight with Joe and Sting, but *this* is a dream match up. In fact it’s a dream that we get to see The Steiner Brothers together! But think about what these four can do in the ring…

Brother Ray: Hold on, hold on. Scott, before I say a word, I just wanted to let you know — that on behalf of me, my brother Devon, it is an absolute pleasure to be standing in the ring with one of the greatest tag teams of all time.

Mike Tenay: Anyone who cares as much about wrestling history as Team 3D is going to have the utmost in respect for the accomplishments of this night.

Brother Ray: If it wasn’t for you and your brother Rick, guys like me and Devon would never be here today.

Don West: The Steiners paved a path… they laid the groundwork for Team 3D!

Brother Ray: I’d like everybody in the Impact Zone to stand up and give The Steiner Brothers the standing ovation that they properly deserve.

[Crowd stands and applauds The Steiners]

Mike Tenay: Wow! What a great moment this is to see the respect from Team 3D.

Scott Steiner: Whoah whoah whoah… listen up, fatass — I don’t need YOU, I don’t need any of these rednecks out here to tell me and my brother how great we were. I know how great we were! The question we wanna’ talk about is — how great *you* were. We wanna’ talk about your “legacy,” or lack thereof.

Mike Tenay: Wow! It doesn’t sound like the respect is mutual from the Steiners…

Scott Steiner: You say you were multiple time WWE champions, but I want you to name ONE tag team, just one [that you beat], that these people out here would even recognize. I tell ya, the one big problem that I got is that you say you guys were WCW World Tag Team Champions. See I got a big problem with that, ‘cuz see we were the FIRST WCW World Tag Team Champions, we spent most of our career in WCW, and not one time did I see it even say your name on the roster. Matter of fact, not one time did I even see you step in the ring.

[Crowd begins chanting “Three-Dee-Sucks!”]

But the biggest joke of ’em all, and when you call yourself ECW World Tag Team Champions. See that’s the difference between you and us. See when we were World Tag Team Champions, we actually TRAVELED THE WORLD defending our belts. We went to the Tokyo Dome in front of 69,000 people. We went to Japan and won the IWGP WORLD tag team titles. We went to North Korea in front of 170,000 people [holds up three fingers] three nights in a row and defended our titles. You jokers? Never left the bingo hall.

Don West: Aww! They don’t deserve that!

Scott Steiner: See I don’t have a problem with your fat ass callin’ yourself ECW “STATE” champs, ECW “STREET” champs, or ECW “Bingo Hall” champs… but one thing’s for damned certain, there is no “World Champion” in ECW. I know it, and YOU should know it — by the paychecks you got.

Don West: Whoa-ho!

Mike Tenay: Ohhhh! Is that ever stiff!

Scott Steiner: So when it comes down to it — you want a legacy? I’ll GIVE you a legacy. See you mighta’ won a bunch a’ titles, but you beat NOBODY. You wanna’ listen to our legacy? Tell ’em who we beat, Ricky —

Rick Steiner: [unfurling a long sheet of paper] Lemme’ see… Road Warriors! Four Horsemen! Samoan SWAT Team! Nasty Boys! The Outsiders! Lex Luger and Sting! Midnight Express! Freebirds! Money Inc.! Hase, Sasaki! Ron Simmons, Buch Reed – Doom! Harlem Heat! Rock and Roll Express…

Scott Steiner: [cutting him off] Ricky, hey, hey, hey, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, hey, hey, hey… [to Ray] Recognize any of those names? Matter of fact, how many names on that list do you think will be in the Hall Of Fame? And ya’ know what? We beat ’em ALL.

Brother Ray: I don’t understand why you guys are so hot and pissed off at us. We’re givin’ you the respect that you deserve. You know damned well that we’re old-school wrestlers, we’re the same kinda’ guys as you guys. We’re not like these punk, young-boy wrestlers who come into the business and have no respect. We realize that you’re one of the greatest tag teams of all time. You are the goddamned Steiner Brothers, and we appreciate that! And I don’t understand, Scott, why you can’t get it past that steel on your head that we actually LIKE you and RESPECT you!

Mike Tenay: You can tell that’s coming from the heart of Brother Ray.

Scott Steiner: What it comes down to, is your legacy don’t mean shit.

Mike Tenay: WOW!

[Brother Ray turns, drops title belt, and begins walking out of the ring]

Brother Devon: You know somethin’ — he may be done talkin’ to you, but I’m not. My brother has come out here and put you and your brother on a high pedestal. Bottom line, Scott — you mighta’ been a great tag team in your era. You’ve run down the list of all the tag teams that you’ve beaten. But there’s ONE tag team that you HAVEN’T beaten, and that’s [gets right in Scott’s face] TEAM 3D!

Don West: I mean this guy is the quiet assassin. He usually lets Brother Ray do the speaking.

Mike Tenay: Yeah but when Brother Devon talks, people listen!

Scott Steiner: Well that’s about to change because you say we’re bad? I KNOW we’re bad. Come Slammiversary, you got the balls, we’re gonna’ kick your ass right then and right there.

Brother Ray: You know what? That sounds perfect. Because I hope you DO kick our asses. I hope you kick our ass real damned bad. Because I want the whole world to see it! I want the whole world to know that The Steiners kicked Team 3D’s ass and we took your BEST! AND we BEAT YOU! All on the SAME FRICKIN’ NIGHT!

Mike Tenay: Wow! What an intense situation between Team 3D and The Steiners.

Brother Devon: Oh my brotha… TESTIFY!!!

Now what they have to do is dig up the Nasty Boyz so 3D can beat them, and then get Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger out for the Steiner’s to kill and life will be grand. This rules.

15:05 – Once again, the show was able to get near and or over that “15-minute mark” and again, I feel that the pacing and overall feel of the show was MUCH better than when they do 10-12 minutes of in ring action. It may seem like splitting hairs, but there is a real difference in the shows when they do this. And since I constantly complain about this, as usual I need to praise it for doing so well. YAY TNA~!

puRgatory:

THE BASHAMS vs. VKM – So we had another chapter in the VKM vs. Hemme deal this week. BG was still convalescing at home from his super serial concussion, so Lance Hoyt had to MAN THE FUCK UP and take this opportunity to remind people that he had a job with TNA. Good work Lance. They had a match, Kip ran wild for a bit and as Lance carried away Hemme, smart work, Basham got the leg lariat and that was all, they pinned Kip again. YAY! Basham and Damaja are slowly showing why they had so much hype and potential and that is a great thing. But the fact is they are stuck in this dead end feud that no one cares about and that no matter how hard they work, it won’t change. Also, how stupid is Lance Hoyt. “I will hit you woman. Wait, are you distracting us? Let me carry you away so that my opponents can gang rape Kip and get the win.” Thanks for the babyface lessons Sting! Idiot. Also, can we get Damaja some tights? He looks like Mark Jindrak’s little brother in that gear.

CAGE AND TOMKO vs. LAX & AFTERMATH – This was an interesting match, one that actually gave you hope for good wrestling action. LAX have been hot, Cage has been hot, Tomko has been doing very well, so it was good stuff. We had good promo stuff from Cage and Tomko, including Cage calling Leticia fat and Tomko saying this was stuff was all his fault. And then we had the match, about 5-minutes minus the commercial. But the match was really good. With bigger guys Hernandez really comes off like a star, and it is nice seeing someone like Christian selling for Homicide. The end worked fine since Konnan was distracted and LAX just got out SNEAKIED~! But in the end I feel that this was one of those matches that they shouldn’t have booked. Cage is heading towards KOTM obviously, and LAX was hot for so long and need to stay strong, plus they are the TEAM here, so they shouldn’t have lost. They can’t afford to lose the steam while 3D and the Steiner’s feud. But then the after match stuff was really odd, and didn’t make total sense. While Konnan and Hector Guerrero arguing does make sense, having them do so through the entire match, thusly taking away from the match is bad. After the match LAX attacks, and backs Hector into the ring, and then…RHINO AND CHRIS HARRIS MAKE THE SAVE… Yeah, Rhino and Chris Harris make the save. Um…why? Sure they’re faces defending the face, but it made no sense because they are not related in all as far as storylines go. That just left me confused. This means one thing. GET EVERYONE ON THE CARD FOR THE PPV~!

The wRong:

NADDA~!

The Ridiculous:

JOE vs. STING -I wrote this back on 5.04.07. Just replace Angle with Joe, and well, you get the point. TNA is making the same mistakes, over and over again.

Sting vs. Angle – This is what I had to say during last week’s 411 Fact or Fiction: People will use the argument that they need increased ratings in order to get more time. Let me enlighten you, SPIKE is happy, TNA is doing consistent ratings, while they need to do better, they are fine right now. Here is another fact, TV RATINGS MEAN JACK AND SHIT. TV Ratings to PPV buy rate conversion is what is KEY. TNA gets anywhere from 25,000-60,000 PPV buys, they are translating 2-5% of their audience to PPV viewers, and that is not cutting it. UFC is converting at times 48% of their audience to PPV buys, which is astronomical! TNA should be building compelling TV, leading up to first time matches like Sting vs. Angle. At this point in wrestling, the first time/dream match isn’t out there like apples on a tree, they are a rarity and they need to properly build to them, and giving them away on free TV is extremely stupid. For the longest time I mocked WWE for hating money, but I tell you, TNA is quickly taking that title over. This is a very bad move by TNA, and when you see what they actually do it is even worse. You can only do the first match one time, that’s why it is called the FIRST MATCH~! Now when we look at the rating, which is the sole reason that they put the match on TV, it scored a 1.0. The basic rating that they always get. TNA always scores a 0.8-1.2 rating. This didn’t pop the rating, and thusly took away PPV buys the company desperately needs. When Angle appeared at Bound for Glory as the ref for Sting vs. JJ they got about 50,000 buys. Angle vs. Joe, a first time match, dream match, they scored over 60,000-65,000 buys. First time events, double the normal buy rates. People will pay for that, it is a fact. Sting vs. Angle is a match people thought would never happen. This was a dream match to most, and something that easily should have happened on PPV. But it didn’t. I don’t care that it was only a 2-minute match and ended in a schmozz ending, they gave away he first match and can never do it again. TNA has decided that they don’t like money and done so in spectacular fashion. Great work guys…/sarcasm.

SmackDown 5.25.06

The Right:

What, is it Chinese New Year?! – Nope, just Edge’s pyro. First off, champ, I’m not sure anyone not named Michael Cole has been referring to the Undertaker/Batista trilogy as “instant classics”, rather, it’s more like, I’ll be damned, and those didn’t suck!

Here’s a fun idea – Edge holds the World Title till WM24, retains after a bloody battle against whoever the #1 Contender may be at the time, much to the crowd’s chagrin, thinking the show is over. However, Kennedy, who’s been cheated out of more than one WT match by Edge in the interim, cashes in his $itB4 briefcase, which he’d won earlier in the evening, to defeat Edge, thus force-feeding him a dose of his own opportunistic medicine.

Has WWE finally taken my advice and hired a stylist? Batista, Vince McMahon and, here tonight, Teddy Long, have all looked pretty swank lately. And speaking of Thaddeus (come back, Booker!), I want to point out here that Teddy’s character has been played with laudable consistency. Any villain coming off as if s/he is above The Long Arm of the Law (Kennedy and, especially, MVP come immediately to mind) is placed in situations whereby s/he must actually prove they’re as good as they say they are or pay the consequences, and putting Edge in a steel cage at WWECW: ONS3 is just such an example. Good stuff.

We were treated to a much better promo from Edge this week; solid, coherent and concise. Larry’s said it a million times, and it’s absolutely true, the best heels are the ones who believe their own rhetoric and Edge could teach a class on the subject! The thing that makes his character and situation so compelling, though, is because he’s not fibbing a single syllable; everything he espouses is absolute fact and he honestly has yet to cheat once. Granted, his tactics have been less than gallant, but the roles could easily be reversed, whereby Edge could be playing a face taking advantage against heel opponents and be company’s biggest face *coughHogancough*.

Oh, and The Little Bastard being chased by Edge after lifting the WT belt was hilarious! Mine! MINE! He even did a Nelson from The Simpsons laugh and then BARKED at the champ as Finlay handed back the belt to its owner, causing Edge to jump! AWEsome funny stuff!

Don’t start with that “What?!” shit – Remember when Vince let that slip as he addressed the crowd on a LIVE Raw and wasn’t bleeped? Now, look, I’ve done the “What?!” thing, too, but that was when an unannounced Steve Austin, having just re-signed with the company after “creative differences” encouraged him to walk out, was in the ring cutting a promo at the Staples Center after Raw had gone off the air. That was like a million years ago. Welcome to 2007, fans. Kudos to MVP for pacing his celebration speech, commemorating his UST win over Chris Benoit, in such a manner that there were no sufficient pauses for the fans to continue their banality, an accomplished feat for one so young! Yeah, this guy really is damn good when he’s allowed to be such. This whole promo went just the way it should have, with MVP so obscenely bloated with his own self-worth, calls out Benoit to admit to his face that he (MVP) is the better man by shaking his hand, an act of old school sportsmanship Benoit grudgingly obliged, a great moment. Oh but then MVP had to step over the line and crawled up The Wolverine’s ass, demanding that Benoit raise his (MVP)’s hand in victory and that was all Benoit could take, a German suplex tacitly demanding of MVP, If you’re so great, where was the counter for THAT?! It would seem, perhaps, that things aren’t quite over between them?

Michael Cole is impressed by Regal & Taylor’s “in your mouth” style – Uh, maybe in YOUR mouth, there, Cole Slaw. I suppose he was thinking both “smash mouth” and “in your face”…or he made the best Freudian slip since Triple H’s “I am many things ‘bi’ and ‘lingual’ isn’t one of them” statement.

When Brian Kendrick & Paul London were announced to face William Regal & Dave Taylor, my neighbors were, no doubt, pleased to hear me exclaim, “NOW we’re fuckin GETTING somewhere! Someone in McMahonagement is actually THINKING!” Instead of wasting Regal & Taylor in a dead-end, go-nowhere and frighteningly dull program with Kane and (sorda) Boogeyman, this fantastic team is now being added into the WWETTT mix to create a bona fide threeway situation, presumably to mask the fact that our champions, Deuce & Domino, absolutely SUCK. I mean, their own mothers would look at the match we had tonight and go, “Yeah, uhm, boys? Sorry, but even with 20 years’ experience, Aladdin’s lamp and a couple deals with the devil, you’ll NEVER be half as good as any of those four. Close your mouth, Domino, honey, you’re swallowing entire cities.” Remember how shoddy London looked a couple weeks ago against one of these dickweeds? Well check him out against real wrestlers…crisp, precise and exciting, and not because anyone was helping him along, either.

I did, however, quite like the fact that the champions threw this match, thus giving Regal & Taylor, who previously had no beef with them other than the fact that they want the belts, a reason to fire up on them, having stolen what could very well have been a win over the former champions, putting them in line for a solo shot. Now, however, it will be all three teams fighting at once, thus making them all work that much harder. Gotta love that noob forethought. And if Lenny & Squiggy get out of this challenge, titles in tact (instead of being sent back down to the farm league where they belong), I will be, pardon my vernacular, one pissed off motherfucker.

Michael Cole needs a “yee-haw” intervention…STAT – I completely dig the chemistry existing between Chavo Guerrero and Jimmy Wang Yang, typifying the best of Japanese/Mexican wrestling. Chavo, though no stranger to taking to the air in his career, appears to be going with a more mat-based game these days, and the effectiveness of his performance suffers nothing for it; in fact, it complements JWY’s aerial assault quite well. These guys work quite well together and a PPV match (or, at least, a TV match with adequate length enough to allow the contest some depth and meaning…I know, I had to stifle a snicker myself) could prove to be quite a rewarding affair. Now if only a CruiserWeight Champion would be allowed a meaningful run, you know, with solid opponents (yes, that was plural) and matches that excite and amaze…BWAHAHAHA! Okay, I couldn’t hold that one down. Shame, though.

BTW, what’s happened to announcing “This NON-TITLE match is scheduled for one fall” etc., etc….? This is one of those little traditional things I think is important and shouldn’t be overlooked or eschewed. Had I been in attendance, I’d have questioned whether or not the CWT was on the line. Not really a biggie, but, yeah, kinda a biggie.

I hate to tell you I told you so, but… – Yet again, is a Matt Hardy match the best match of the week on SD!. This week, Mike Mizanin steps up and takes it to Matt in a breakout performance; nothing the sort of which MVP had against Benoit at WM23, but as significant in terms of scale, considering The Miz’ place on the SD! food chain heretofore. Granted, it was dumb luck that gave Miz the upper hand when the back of Hardy’s head and neck snapped off the rope, although, granted, too, such fall was precipitated by a stiff pair of elbows as Miz looked to escape a reverse elbow lock (Matt going remedial and underestimating Miz?); however, once he saw Hardy dazed, Miz wasted no time in pouncing to capitalize on his fortune.

Still more, though, how did he choose to capitalize? By remaining focused on the head and neck, significant because 1) Miz has never been allowed to display this quality of ring smarts before and 2) these were exactly the focus of the tremendous beating Hardy took at the hands (or, perhaps more accurately, the FEET) of MVP just the week before, almost as if it’s being implied that Miz watched some tapes and did some homework! Hell, Miz even locked on a cravat, the same move MVP initially used on Hardy last week to ground Hardy; however, as a rookie, Miz fails to apply the hold with the skill of someone of greater accomplishment as MVP, allowing Hardy to score a scoop slam. BUT, what Miz lacks in finesse, he makes up for in tenacity, as he rolls through the slam without relinquishing his pit bull grip on the hold! Hardy wisely shoves his crimped elbow to the face of his oppressor, breaking the hold, but Miz grabs a handful of hair as Hardy attempts to bolt to the ropes to precipitate some offense, not only effectively cutting off his efforts, but slamming to the canvas on the back of his head and neck! Here, however, is another example of Miz’ inexperience as he allows the ref to bully him over the hair pull, whereas, back in the day, if an opponent got the better of Ric Flair, for example, not only would Flair create some space by bailing out of the ring, he’d establish dominance over the ref by calling him out of the ring with him and complain of a fictitious hair pull, he’d, in so doing, prevent the ref from counting him out as he caught a breather!

Now, of course, I’m not suggesting that we should see such accomplished shenanigans from Miz, quite the opposite; what I mean to be pointing out here is the manner in which wrestling as performance tells a story. Tonight, yes, Miz is stepping up and looking better than he’s ever been allowed to look before, but he’s still making rookie mistakes and, if kept copasetic throughout, it could be a BLAST watching him mature, the same way we’ve seen MVP and Kennedy flourish these past months. Also, I’m finding a thread in Matt Hardy’s recent matches, too, and they’re not only telling a consistent story each week, but week TO week, as well, win or lose, opponent notwithstanding and I think that has to have at least something to do with Hardy, as he is the one consistent factor in the equation. Seriously, I’m not just marking my cK’s (well, actually, they’re dkny today, but I quibble), I beg you to check out any Hardy match of the past two months, then go back to any match of decent length from, say, 2003 and I defy you to honestly tell me you don’t see exponential improvement.

Back to the match, Miz continues a focused attack, dropping a wicked guillotine legdrop and, just when he appeared to not know where to go from there when it didn’t allow him the three count, busted out a Rick Rude-worthy hangman’s neckbreaker. Granted, the crossface blows that followed could, uhm, use some polishing, but the point is his attack remained focused. However, it appeared that Miz just ran out of moves following that awesome corner clothesline (I think I may start calling that The Fear Factor…), stymied when that move didn’t earn him the match, thus resorting to a headlock, presumably to immobilize Hardy as he reconsidered his game plan, or simply perhaps to wear down Hardy and hope for an opportunity or a mistake upon which to capitalize; however, sensing Miz’ hesitation, Hardy, ever tenacious, as we saw last week, refused to acquiesce (when did he learn to throw that bitchen right?!). Hardy began to turn the tide, bloddying Miz’ nose for him, the two going back and forth, Miz almost getting the nod with a jack-knife pin. Here was the turning point, as, frustration, inexperience, exuberance and desperation set in and Miz blindly charged Hardy with a clothesline, which Hardy easily countered into The Twist of Fate for the match.

Matt sold his ass off for The Miz and, as I said last week in Hardy’s regard, Miz has absolutely nothing about which to be ashamed. As mentioned, there was consistency all over this one, it gave Hardy back the momentum he lost last week to put over MVP, yet still made Miz look better than he’s ever looked…everyone wins. Fantastic segment, excellently booked and executed…although I’m not sure I like Matt’s new trousers…hahaha.

So now that Vickie Guerrero is the Assistant GM of SD!, can we expect the portrait of MLK to be replaced with Caser Chavez? Ricky Martin? Charro? – Okay, we should start seeing some action come from this angle SOON! I can’t wait to see Evil Vickie start to evolve…I really think there’s a good story brewing here!

Except, I wanted to see this backstage segment play out a little differently…

Thaddeus: I’ve interviewed a number of candidates and have decided the best person for the job…is Vickie Guerrero!

Vickie: Oh, thank you, Teddy! You wait and see, I’ll make you and the fans of SD! proud!

Thaddeus: I’m sure you will, Vickie! Are you ready for your first assignment?

Vickie: [somewhat tentative] Oh…really?

Thaddeus: Yes. Would you please get me and my lovely girlfriend Kristal some coffee?

Vickie: [laughs, relieved] Of course, Teddy! How do you take it?

Thaddeus: [looks at Kristal’s body] With a whole lotta brown sugar…[glance moves to Vickie’s udders] Hold the cream. [Vickie exits with that deranged grin beaming]

Kristal: Now that you have an assistant, we’ll have more time to spend together!

Thaddeus: I’m feelin THAT! [looks at Kristal’s rack and grabs her boobs] And I’m feelin THESE, too! Honk honk!

I know, I said no more Vickie/cow jokes, but 1) that woman really needs to stop shopping at Forever 21 and 2) I’m already going to hell, what’s one more white lie?

JIGGLINTONIC! – What is that, like, a gin and tonic served with a lime Jell-o shooter? My GOD Jigglin Hall KILLS me. But what’s up with the wardrobe reversal? The guy’s suits are finally looking sharp and the women’s costumes go to hell. Jigglin’s wearing one of Santino Rice’s lederhosen lingerie disasters from “Project Runway 2” (check it out if you don’t know what I’m talking about: http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/5480/santinolingerie7wt.jpg) while Michelle McCool’s little atrocious frock can’t decide if it escaped from the extras wardrobe from Austin Powers or if it’s one of Helen Roper’s mumus. WTF?

Anyway, the reason this is in the Right section is because if McMahonagement is dead set upon keeping The Boogeyman employed and active, it is just this kind of role that suits him, sort of a conscience of WWE who makes an appearance when a heel is getting out of control and needs to be set straight, or, at least, humiliated. That way, he becomes more interesting because you never know when he’s going to appear and, most importantly, he’s kept out of the ring in a wrestling capacity. I suggested this eons ago when I first detailed how I’d go about restructuring a post-brand split WWE and was as pleased as I could be under the circumstances to see my idea work so well here tonight.

And if you’re not careful, you just might learn something by the time we’re through – As I like to think of myself as being something of a wordsmith, I perhaps enjoy JBL’s surprisingly vast vocabulary more than most and I’ve noticed that he tends to feature a new five dollar word each week. Therefore, JBL’s Word of the Week shall become a new feature in the SD! R’s. This week’s word?

alacrity uh-LACK-ruh-tee, noun:
A cheerful or eager readiness or willingness, often manifested by brisk, lively action or promptness in response.

purgatory:

YAAAAWWWN – Oh, hey, the main event is on. Sorry, but I just wasn’t getting into this match, despite the great opening with Edge, the fun outro with The Little Bastard being chased by Edge and another damn good promo from Mark Henry (yeah, I said it!). Kane’s promo was just typical Kane…but when the hell did he get so fuckin jolly? He’d laugh at something as atrociously unfunny as, say, “Friends” these days. Glad he’s finally come out of his shell. Batista, though…man, has this guy just slid down the ladder like Lita on a greasy dildo or what? I guess McMahonagement figures he doesn’t have much shelf life left, so they’d better get all they can out of him while they can, and I can understand that, and, granted, he did pull up his socks for that trio of matches with Taker. BUT, it’s gotten to where my butt cheeks clench together when I see him anywhere near a microphone. Like, did those muscle tears knock out everything he learned from delivering promos from HHH and Flair?

As for the match itself, it soon became apparent that any shred of hope I had for Finlay going over withered like my libido after seeing Vince bare his ass in the ring…I was foolish, I know. Kane had no shot whatsoever, either. It should have been perfectly obvious that Big Dave was going over, but that doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless they have Mark Henry throw the match, because doesn’t he supposedly want to get his big, wet hands on Batista for putting him out? That’s your continuity.

All in all, if Finlay wasn’t winning this, my interest waned completely, both for the match itself and what the victory meant. It was just a bunch of big guys slamming off each other, which just doesn’t do much for me in any arena. Vince, on the other hand, according to backstage sources, went through three tubes of KY and two boxes of tissue.

Randy Orton showed to the Timbaland video shoot because he thought the song was called “Throw Shit On Me” – Hell, there were already Divas there…it seemed perfectly logical to him. BTW, two weeks in a row we’ve had an AWESOME sign in front row at a WWE TV event. Last week’s “Edge fears Hardy” and this week on Raw, “Another headlock, Randy…?” Brilliant! Of course that sign was confiscated. I can imagine Vince in the Gorilla position screaming into his headset, “Get that sign off my show NOW or, by God, YOOOOU’RRRRRE FIIIRRRRRRED!”

Okay, anyway, Timbaland. All Right, another segment devoted to music, as opposed to wrestling, and that CW match could really have used the extra time. Granted, the Divas were in this video, which is why I’ve only got this in puRgatory, but I ask you, what is having these chicks in a mainstream video going to do for WWE? Maybe…MAYBE somehow make the company money overall, but it’s not going to sell PPVs or win over more viewers, so in the end…I say MEH.

The wrong:

Meh – Nothing of note!

The Ridiculous:

Blown-off like a narcoleptic Missy Hyatt – So last week was the blow-off for the Regal & Taylor/Kane & Boogeyman program that was providing me with my much deserved smoke breaks for like a month and a half? WTF? They go out and have virtually the same match each week, they were all Dullsville and pointless, teasing a teaming between Kane and Boogey, and we just kinda wound around back to where we started and now, we’re done. That, friends, is a lesson in pointlessness…unless, of course, we meant to make Regal & Taylor look like douches and expose Kane and Boogey as the only guys on the roster who can’t manage a decent match against Regal & Taylor. Don’t get me wRong, I’m stoked that meandering, plodding mess is over, but, come ON.

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]

Raw 5.28.07:

The Right:

THE DERVISH LEARN THAT NICE GUYS FINISH LAST – This week was a continued push of the feud I have been loving, the Hardy’s and the Dervish. After following the plan I laid out last week, this week they tagged with the Dervish and they took on TWGTT and Nitro and Kenny, sporting a tremendous mink. SO they had the match, everything was going well and the Hardy’s/Dervish team cleared the ring. Jeff looked to go high risk, but Trevor had different ideas:

GIT-IR-DUNN~! He was so excited when he got back into the ring, I loved it. The end saw the Dervish and WGTT brawl, the Hardy’s beat down Nitro and Kenny and got the pin and all was well as they celebrated with their Co-Redneck friends. But them Shelton got on the mic and said that they weren’t beaten, and challenged the Hardy’s for the tag titles at ONS. They accepted, on the terms that it was a ladder match and it was on. While I don’t think you need to add a gimmick to an extreme rules show, and this works on several reasons. #1 is that this gives TWGTT a chance to shine. #2 this is a hardy specialty. #3 it screws the Dervish who have been the nice guys, and just finished last. What I would do is have the Dervish run down after a while, beat EVERYONE down and then climb the ladder and steal the titles. “EXTREME RULES MAN…WHICH MEANS THERE ARE NO RULES~!” That would rock my socks.

FLAIR vs. CARLITO CONTINUES – The Flair vs. Carlito feud continued this week and I liked what they did. They went to the mixed tag formula, which gets Torrie back involved, as she really should be since Carlito kicked her to the curb. Carlito was with Victoria, who looked hot as FUCK in her outfit and the hair and all. DAMN girl. The match was fine, Flair got best down, and finally Torrie was about to get some vengeance on Carlito, when he kissed her. She slapped the shit out of him, and he swung her around and nailed her with the Lung Blower. Unlike last week’s try, this was great, looked like she was dead and the crowd hated Carlito. Good work. Also, they need to get him new music. People still want to cheer when it begins, change that shit.

THE MAIN EVENT – A lot of the show was fine this week, but largely it was bland. Until we got to the main event, and then it seemed to pick up and actually make me care a bit. It had direction, it built to ONS III and SNME and the other thing was this. While it was a handicap match, which I tend to hate, THE EVIL HEELS WITH THE 3 on 1 ADVANTAGE WON THE MATCH~! PRAISE BE TO ALLAH, JESUS, GINISH, Mr. McMAHON or who ever did this because it was about time. Give the heels a big advantage, have them win due to that advantage and NOW we should want to see the faces overcome all of this come the weekend shows. Good work, I like not having to complain!

puRgatory:

CHICKS IN BIKINIS – I actually didn’t mind this. I know that people probably came here and expected me to bitch about this. Well, while I didn’t hate it, there were some issues with it, angle issues and such. But let’s discuss the positives. Positive #1 would be…

BOOMSHAKALAKA~!

But there were issues. First of all, do they want to kill these chicks? Having them try and do spots in a wet ring is such a bad idea. Layla about killed herself taking a bump to the floor, Michelle McCool busted out a wheel barrel suplex in the middle of this mess and I thought that there would be broken bones. Seriously, protect these ladies a little, while I hate the T & A aspect, especially when you have a PPV and SNME to built to, I don’t want to see any injuries. The good news, I saw a Greco Roman Towel Whip. TREMENDOUS~!

But the major issue is the booking. And yes, the booking of a bikini battle royal needs to be discussed. Candace and Melina are the feud right now for the ladies. They were being built to a match at the PPV stemming off of Candace’s wining streak. So you would think that Candace would get a win here and go onto the title match at the PPV. NOPE! Smackdown’s Michelle McCool won the match, and a special photo shoot in the process. Melina and Candace will go onto the consolation prize of the non-title pudding match at ONS III. Yeah.

IS THERE A DRAFT IN HERE? – I suppose I will e kind until I see how this turns out, but I have to say that for the most part a “re-draft” or what ever you want to call this is not needed, hence forth stupid. The brand split has been fucked up beyond all recognition. There are no lines, everyone appears on every show, all of the PPV’s are now “tri-branded” so in the end there is NO NEED for this. Lashley is on Raw now more than he is on ECW, and he is in an ECW TITLE FEUD. They can just move people all around, create inter-branded matches and patch things that way. And that is what they are doing, patchwork. Raw has been hit by injuries and Edge leaving, ECW has lost Sabu and RVD and only had 10-guys to begin with, while Smackdown, even though they have lost Kennedy and Taker have gained Henry and Edge. Also Booker, Rey and Kennedy are all coming back soon. But the fact is that the E has realized that things are out of balance and that they need to fix it. In the end the whole brand extensions and drafts have been the absolute wrong execution of the right idea. And that is a shame, because when you look at the Edge MITB win, switch and title win, that is the shining example of why the thing should have worked.

I HATE THIS ANGLE – This is in regards to the Orton vs. RVD match. I still hate the angle, I need that out there, but I won’t go on with my speech from last week. But we will discuss the match. The first half of the match was ROUGH. They seemed to be on a different page, and until RVD took the big spill, I was thinking that this was ass and that RVD was sandbagging. But then things calmed down, it was some back chemistry early on, and it got better. So they worked well, and Orton went to the DEADLY chinlock to take RVD out, when the greatest sign ever popped up behind him…

TREMENDOUS~! So it went on, was a fine match and I was ok for the most part. But then there is the fact that they continue to work this concussion angle. I hate it, It makes me not enjoy it and that is not a reaction anyone should have and I am not alone, so it took away for me. As far as RVD and his work in the match, he worked hard and sold well, especially the last RKO and is doing business right on the way out thus far, which is good to see.

The wRong:

SANTINO…WHO GIVES A SHIT! – Wow. The poor, poor, IC Title. It sucks that over the years when I write about this title it is usually in a bad way. But again, the title is in dark days and the champion, well, probably shouldn’t be on TV. He is green, needs a lot of work and nobody really gives a shit about him. He gets some token chants, but nothing special. Masters, who has improved, looks so much better by comparison, but he has been so buried over the last year that I don’t buy him or give a shit about him. Hence, I do not care about or buy the angle.

The Ridiculous:

SATURDAY NIGHT’S WHAT? ONE NIGHT WHAT? – There was such a lack of build for both events this week, and that is really a shame. They may do a good job on ECW and Smackdown of promoting the shows, but the fact is that all of the shows should have been driven to promote them. If I didn’t know what I know, I wouldn’t think both shows were this weekend. There was no sense of urgency.

ECW on Sci-Fi!: 5.29.07:

The Right:

NADDA~!

puRgatory:

PUNK vs. BURKE – CM Punk and Young Elijah had a rematch of their PPV encounter this past week on ECW TV. This was to be a tag match involving RVD and MCV, but with the concussion angle, they changed it to a singles affair. So they went out there, they once again got time and they had a damn good little match. They are really getting well at working together, and considering that they are supposed to be the faces of the promotion, this is a good thing. Punk looked as if he was about to win the match, but Marcus von Brown came out, and in the end of it all POUNCED the shit out of Punk, through a table, allowing Young Elijah to snag the win. They have evened up their “series” so to speak, and will be a part of a 6-man tables match at ONS III; Punk, Sandman and Dreamer vs. Striker, Young Elijah and Monty Brown Cor. But I have to tell you; this almost found its way into purgatory this week. Why is that? Well, I have to ask this Why, when you have a PPV coming up with all variations on extreme rules matches, would you do a No DQ match on ECW TV? Seriously now! That is not smart business. You have a gimmick PPV coming up, and you give away the gimmick on free TV right before the show. I mean, that would be like TNA giving away a cage match on free TV before…Lockdown…PURGATORY it is! PS: Monty’s music is PIMP when listening to it by itself. It doesn’t fit him whatsoever, but as jam, decent.

THORN ROLLS ON – Once again Kevin Thorn rolled on this week. He moved up from jobbers to Balls Mahoney, which isn’t that much of a leap, but is an “established” name so to speak. From what it looks like they seem to have some idea of a push for him, but I don’t see any real direction for him, outside of basic re-establishment. That’s ok for now, but they will have to establish some direction for him soon. He left the New Breed, he “left” Ariel, and they have established that he is an individual and that he can dominate. All well and good, but now we have to move on. Finally the match was blah, not horrible, but not as good as he recent squashes. Let’s hope that he gets some direction and soon, as the potential is there I feel. Let’s hope for the best kids, that’s all we can do.

ORTON INVADES ECW – Randy Orton invaded ECW this week. He touched on the HBK deal, which led to his match with RVD. He said RVD didn’t like what he did to HBK, so he did it to RVD, but it was totally legal. And since RVD cannot compete tonight, he was challenging RVD to a stretcher match at ONS III. A stretcher match, because HBK was taken away from wrestling on a stretcher, and he was going to do it to RVD as well. Let me say that I still hate the concussion angle, a lot, but this was good because they actually did some build for that PPV on Sunday, a novel idea. And then the “heart” of ECW Tommy Dreamer came out, and he had issue with Mr. Randal K. Orton. Basically Dreamer was sickened by his actions against HBK and RVD, and was insulted that Orton was here in ECW. He challenged him to a match, and Orton accepted and vowed to “kill the legend of ECW.” So they had their match, and well, it wasn’t that great. It wasn’t bad, but for a TV main event you wanted more I thought. He beats Dreamer clean with the RKO, and then after the match gives him another. Now everything up until this was FINE. Build, decent match, following the story, and even though I dislike that story, it was good. They then went to do the concussion kick and Orton MISSES~! I mean he misses BADLY and Dreamer sells it anyway. So he has to do it again, he finally connects and Dreamer is apparently CONCUSSED~! This leads to RVD crushing out, Orton barely touches him and RVD drops like a cartoon because he is still CONCUSSED~! SUPER SERIOUS CONCUSSION as Mike Tenay would say. This went from fine stuff to BLAH in 60-seconds. BLAH I say!

The wRong:

VINCE and LASHLEY – So to build to their epic arm wrestling match Saturday on SNME, which is building to their monumental street fight at ONS III, Vince McMahon and Bobby Lashley engaged in…A VERBAL SPARRING SESSION, A REMONSTRATION, A DEBATE, A DELIBERATION, A TIFF, A WRANGLE, A RUCTION, A FORENSIC FLAK SESSION. A POWWOW, A RAP, A SQUABBLE, A RUMPUS, A BATTLE OF WORDS IF YOU WILL! THIS WAS THE FARTHEST THING FROM EXCITING! Now that I am done abusing my caps-lock, this sucked. Vince came on and yeah, he was wacky Vince, I laughed as he made fun of Joey and Tazz and all, but that was it. They go back and forth, Lashley tries to make some age jokes and says he will hurt him, Vince balks at this and I about fell asleep. Please stop Lashley from talking, please stop shoving him down my throat. I am sick of this guy right now and am not looking forward to the match this Sunday or the shit Saturday.

The Ridiculous:

NADDA~!

ECW One Night Stand II: 06.11.06:

The Matches:

Tazz defeated Jerry Lawler @ 0:35 via submission NR

Kurt Angle defeated Randy Orton @ 15:08 via tap out ***¾

The FBI defeated Super Crazy and Tajiri @ 12:30 via pin ***

Sabu vs. Rey Mysterio © went to a No Contest @ 9:31 via Ref Stoppage ***¼

Mick Foley, Edge and Lita defeated Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer and Beulah @ 18:45 via pin ****

Balls Mahoney defeated Masato Tanaka @ 5:05 via pin ½*

RVD defeated John Cena @ 20:45 via pin to become the NEW ECW/WWE Champion ***

The Right:

Paul and Tazz: Down to Business to Open the Show/JBL Appears – I must say that the start to the show was rather perfect. Paul E is someone I never tire of when he cuts promos, and since ECW is back it was only fitting that he was allowed center stage to thank the fans and reintroduce his product on PPV. Ask anyone that has been in ECW and they will compare Paul to Vince Lombardi in terms of being a tremendous motivational speaker. Paul did just that and got the crowd totally prepared for the evening only as he can. Totally fitting.

Then we began the night with Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler. I also liked this choice and how they did it. Tazz shouldn’t be wrestling due to his neck and him not being in ring shape, and ECW had to get off strong so him squashing Lawler was perfect. Lawler played his part well, coming out and slapping the shit out of Styles so hard that the set sold it I think. Once he got to the ring, they were ready to go but Styles returned and jumped Lawler. He tossed him off and was about to piledrive him, but Tazz locked in the Tazzmission and Lawler passed out in a marathon of a match, clocking in at a blazing 0:35. That was the best thing that they could do and once again totally fitting.

Then later in the evening we had a special appearance from THE WRESTLING…GAWD; JBL. I liked this, as it was the, “anyone can show up in ECW” deal for ECW. His promo was perfect because it was classic JBL. He bashed the fans, brought up kicking Meanie’s ass and got the crowd all wound up. He also dropped the bomb that HE will be the new Smackdown announcer, and thanked Tazz for leaving for the hellhole that is ECW. I just really enjoyed this due to the fact that I think JBL on the mic is gold. Good deal here.

ECW’s Wrestling Machine Proves his Point – From a “pure wrestling” standpoint, this would be your match of the night with out doubt. Kurt Angle and Randy Orton had a very good match in my opinion, and I think they needed to because you have to have some good wrestling on every show. Randy played the chicken shit heel perfectly as he did a lot of ducking in and out of the ring to stop Kurt, only to have the ECW crowd all over him with cheers of “you’re a pussy” and such. The big thing I loved was Angle’s revamped style, which he worked with Rey on his last Smackdown match. He started this style another time when he returned from injury a while back to battle Eddie, but eventually went back to the regular “kill myself” style. I hope that it stays this time, because Angle working the ground based “wrestling machine” gimmick is perfect for him in his condition and I think he’ll easily get over with the ECW crowd with his intensity. It worked great here with Orton and they ended up with a great match. Angle got the victory with the ankle lock and looked very strong, which is what had to happen.

Cruisers get time and show they can wrestle and an Extreme Big Show Makes his presence known! – Hey kids, a WWE produced PPV in which the CRUISERWEIGHT guys got time and also were allowed to have a good match. They busted out some fun spots, including the DOUBLE TARANTULA~! All 4-men looked great, and Tajiri also got “Welcome Back” chants. They also actually got time to have a match. I thought that they would only get 7-minutes or so, as most Cruiser matches get but I was wrong, they actually got 12½ minutes and it was great. The FBI won the match, as they should since they will be fulltime for ECW while Tajiri won’t be, so that all made sense. As the FBI celebrated, 911 The Big Show made his way to the ring with his NEW EXTREME MUSIC! He kicked Big Guido in the nuts, and then destroyed everyone. Young Mr. Mamaluke in fact may have died when Show gave him a cobra clutch slam into a back breaker. When Show was done, he tossed him out of the ring in helicopter style and stood tall. Good debut in front of the ECW crowd for Show and I hope that he is booked the right way because Show in ECW could be tons of fun, no pun intended.

Rey vs. Sabu – This match was either going to go one of two ways, and there would be no middle ground. It was either going to be a totally fun and good match, or it would be a train wreck of EPIC proportions. Before I go on into the match, I do want to say that I liked Rey dressing in the retro gear. He looked a lot better than the stuff he wears nowadays, and it was fitting for the show and wouldn’t object to him going back to that gear full time. Thankfully this ended up being a really good match, and not the train wreck it had the chance to be. They started off with some actual wrestling and then they broke down into a chair duel! Everything they were doing was working and the crowd was very into it, and wanted more. Then they pulled the spot at the end, Rey on the table on the floor and Sabu getting a triple jump INTO A DDT THROUGH THE TABLE almost killing both men. The trainers and doctor came out to stop the match (which I will discuss below) and that was that. I half expected them to pull a true ECW and have them come back later in the night to finish the match, but that didn’t happen. I was afraid going into the match, but they delivered and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

FUNK U~! – I said that I thought because of the relationship of the 4-men that they could pull out some magic at ONS II; and did they ever. I liked the pre-match promos they did, especially Foley. I loved that he teased putting Todd Gordon over instead of Paul E but he played a much better card. He praise STEPHANIE MCMAHON as the creative genius of ECW and then started chanting, “LONG LIVE THE ALLIANCE!” Mentioning Stephanie to ECW fans is like Kryptonite to an ECW fan, so this was perfect for him to get heat. Edge and Lita cut promos, which brought out Funk, Dreamer and Beulah. Beulah talked about Lita loving three-ways, and who doesn’t and they switched to a 6-person match, which will be discussed later. The match had some great moments; Foley telling Edge that, “This isn’t a good idea” when he got in there with Funk, the use of barbed wire, ladders and even fire. I loved that they teased the old “MY EYE” spot for Funk, and then took him to the back. The crowd WANTED Sandman to come out, but it didn’t happen as they destroyed Dreamer in front of Beulah. The crowd then came alive when Funk returned, all bandaged up, bloody and wielding the barbed wire 2×4. He evened things up and then lit the board on fire and nailed Foley, setting him ob fore and then Foley was sent off the apron onto a big ass barbed wire board and had to be extinguished due to the flannel being flammable, there’s a lesson there kids. Edge would eventually send Funk out of the ring onto the wire as well. Lita took a Spiccoli driver from Dreamer to a huge pop, but then Edge took out Dreamer with an Edge-a-cution (assisted by Barbed wire on the eyes of Dreamer) and speared the ever-living shit out of Beulah and gave her a HUMPTASTIC PIN. This was possibly the craziest “hardcore match” ever booked by WWE, and a great spectacle that people will remember for a long time. There is no better match for Funk to go out with, as I don’t believe that there is anyway that he could top the performance he put on this evening. There was some magic in the Hammerstein Ballroom on Sunday, and I will remember the match for a long time.

The NEW Era of Extreme gets off to a Controversial Start! – So the PPV all came down to this moment, RVD cashing in the Money in the Bank against WWE Champion John Cena. RVD was the prodigal son finally returning to ECW after all of these years to claim what was his, and John Cena was the enemy. John Cena came out to 100% heel heat, not one person there was a fan of John Cena on this night. You knew the match would have the hot crowd, but when you saw it, it was amazing. The fuck you Cena chants right off the bat, toilet paper being thrown (which I have already been told that ECW is ripping off ROH…BOO FUCKING HOO) and the shirt throw. Cena did his shirt toss to the crowd and they threw it back, 5-times! They even spit on it and wiped their asses with it before tossing it back in! We were off to a great start. They had a slow start to the match, milking the crowd with Cena getting some early advantages. Things kept picking up and both guys were working hard, as they had a lot to prove to many doubts. Mr. Van Dam I thought was dead when he took a spike DDT on a chair and his neck bent in ways that it shouldn’t. Cena would eventually get the STFU, but RVD would get the ropes and that pissed off Cena when the ref broke it. He then killed the ref with a clothesline, proceed to grab the ring steps and kill Mr. Van Dam again. Nick Patrick would run out and count 2 for Cena. At this point the crowd was still crazy, and a man in black and a motorcycle helmet ran out and SPEARED Cena through a table in the corner. It was Edge who even got a “Thank you Edge” chant for his troubles. He pulled Cena center ring, knocked the hell out of Nick Patrick and then left, confident his job was done. RVD then came back and got the Five Star Frog Splash on Cena, and tried to revive Patrick, who was still out. Paul E then hit the ring and counted the pin, and RVD was announced as the NEW ECW Champion. They pulled the trigger and actually did it, RVD is the champ and ECW is off to a hot, if not controversial start. This was a great atmosphere, great effort by both men and the perfect ending to the night.

puRgatoRy:

A doctor’s stoppage? – I am very torn on this issue. On one hand I think that there is a real lack of this kind of thing in wrestling today. Sure ROH and Japan uses KO’s and such to add a real element to matches, and they can be a great thing to build up the right guy and or a move. Also, since they are hyping this as a new ECW and something very different than Raw or Smackdown, and since Raw and Smackdown never do anything like this; this is a good thing for the “new” ECW to do. That all being said, I am not sure that this PPV and match was the right time to do it. While I could agree that establishing this on this PPV is fine in theory, I have qualms about it being the right thing for this match. The spot was done EXTREMELY well, flawless actually and they looked dead. The hate comes from the fact that this was a WOLRD TITLE MATCH. Now not jobbing Rey was nice for once, and I could see the logic in protecting Sabu as well. It’s a catch 22 for sure, so I can see why they did it but I just have a small problem with it, even though I like the theory. Hence this week’s edition of puRgatoRy.

The wRong:

Balls and Tanaka – I thought that the match got a raw deal. First of all they only got 5-minutes, which they had plenty of time left when the PPV completed that it could have went 10 without a problem. It came off as completely rushed, and in actuality a waste of flying in Tanaka. Add to that the fact that he wasn’t advertised I thought was also a bad move, due to a lot of long-time ECW fans loved Tanaka and would pay just for him, especially after last year’s effort. I just really wanted and expected more here, and when the pin happened after that chair shot it was extremely anticlimactic.

A Small Bitch About Bait and Switch – I did hate the fact that they added Lita and Beulah to the tag match, as it came off as a bait and switch to a small degree. People wanted to see Foley, Funk, Edge and Dreamer. I am sure we all knew Beulah would be there, and we would get the catfight. For the most part, they did was just stand on the apron doing nothing at all, and building to the catfight spot, which could have been done without them being in the match. Also, having Beulah do the job, to me anyway, says that Dreamer didn’t want to pull the job. Funk would have no problems lying down, especially if this was his last huge PPV match. Hell, since this IS ECW, Edge could have pinned Beulah anyway since they did crazy shit like that all the time. It didn’t hurt the match at all, it was just odd seeing them standing there for the most part. Just one of those things that I felt like bitching about and I did!

Eugene? – This has nothing to do with the fact that Eugene isn’t “ECW” or anything like that. This segment was ass, it was stupid and it sucked. Eugene came out there and deflated the crowd, luckily they got pissed enough and got excited to chant all kinds of lovely things at him. I was praying that he would come out there, start off all Eugene and then get pissed and start talking normal, and be like, “You know what…I am NOT a retard. I am a lord of wrestling, my skills are impeccable and I am not going to take it anymore” and then he takes off the retard jacket revealing an ECW shirt. The next time we see him he has a shaved down hair cut and singlet and is off to the races as a wrestler. But no, he read a little retarded poem and then the world’s crappiest attempt at cool entrance music hit and everyone was silent…until they saw it was Sandman. I will get to the music later, but he came out and killed Young Eugene with about 561 Singapore Cane shots. That was cool and all, but also I wondered if this was the best they could do with Sandman here. I just wanted more I suppose.

The Ridiculous:

Censoring – Hey Vince, I paid $40 fucking dollars to watch this PPV, stop censoring the PPV’s you asshole. Seriously, PPV man, you don’t have to censor.

The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:

What the fuck was that music Sandman came out to? – All right, for all of those people that said, “Vince will pay for Enter Sandman” I want to say a HEARTY FUCK OFF to you and I told you so! Vince threw a holy fit when Hogan wanted to keep using Voodoo Child when he returned to the E and wouldn’t pay for it, the Hulkster had to foot the bill. So we get an ECW revival, a return and they sign the Hardcore ICON of the 90′