The MeeThinks Saturday Spectacular 06.16.07

As you can see, it’s a Vinny Mactacular this week with TONS of points, counterpoints and bonus points of positivity scattered throughout — so let’s cut the jibber-jabber and get right to it!

Rock & roll.

Vinny Mac: Whodunnit!?

First of all, a small point that I’ve been peeved about all week — it’s “whodunnit,” people, not “who done it.” Anyone who spells it differently deserves to be blown up in a limousine. That’s right, I said it. And while we’re at it — there’s a “u” in limousine, just so we’re all on the same page. 🙂

Now then, onto the actual issues…

Did WWE Violate Their “No-Kill” Policy?

No.

We all know that the payoff to this thing will inevitably result in Vince McMahon strutting back out onto WWE television, alive and well as ever. Nobody (be they a character or a “real person”) will have been killed in any of this — so get over yourselves.

Never Mind Vince — What About The Draft?

Regarding the whole “the angle is alright, but it really overshadowed the draft!” argument: let’s face it folks, this year’s draft wasn’t really all that monumental anyhow.

Rather than sending the folks from Wilkes-Barre home whining over the fact that the biggest shakeup this year was the jump by Mr. Kennedy (who’s still a while away from acheiving full-blown “A-List” status), WWE has done a tremendous job in masking the relative “ho-hum” nature of this year’s draft (Snitsky? Torrie? Boogeyman? Come on…) by giving fans a bigger, better, and longer-term storyline to go home raving about and get excited over instead.

Is WWE Tempting Fate with a Media Backlash?

Regarding the potential for a nasty media backlash, as so nicely summed up by PWInsider.com comment below:

One can only hope that WWE does not suffer extreme backlash for pulling a “hoax” although it’s amazing to me that so many people could think that this was actually legitimate and not a work.

First of all, any media-minded individual worth an entry-level salary will tell you that “no press is bad press.” In other words, if it gets people talking — then it was a good move. Vince worked the mainstream media (IMDb picked up the story, for one, as did ESPN and a number of local media outlets in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.) — interest in the guy (and his company) has risen dramatically in recent days (his name rocketed up 2977% — yes, that’s THOUSANDS — on the Yahoo most-search list, sites like 411 crashed with all the McMahon buzz, and WWE saw an all-time traffic high), and most importantly of all… PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT PRO WRESTLING again.

Simply put —

Bottom line is that so long as ‘rasslin continues to be what it is (fake fights), NOBODY in the mainstream media is ever going to take the industry seriously. And if they get “worked” by the occassional wrestling angle — “so what?” This isn’t going to cause some sort of “backlash,” because they simply don’t care about pro wrestling in the first place — and so there’s nothing for the media to “lash” back against.

Working the Marks: There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute

Regarding the second half of that quote above:

“although it’s amazing to me that so many people could think that this was actually legitimate and not a work.”

Not all that amazing, really.

First of all — it was TREMENDOUSLY well-done. I’ve been watching pro wrestling for more than two decades, and I for one was wowed at the detail and special effect mastery that went into this stunt. It wasn’t like the time Triple H found himself “face to face with a rattlesnake” in the men’s room (a snake that was clearly behind a wall of plexiglass) or the time Vampiro threw a flaming “Sting” stand-in some fifty-or-so feet to the padded crash-zone below… this ACTUALLY LOOKED LIKE THEY BLEW THE POOR BASTARD UP!

Second point —

As wrestling fans, we’re pretty much conditioned to expect the unexpected and to play along as part of the show. Furthermore, as fans, we’ve come to accept the notion that “it’s all part of the show,” and that everything you see on TV is fake,” and so it’s MUCH easier for fans to dismiss something as “part of an angle” than it is for us to come to terms with the fact that something *might*, in fact, be a very real result of an unscripted reality behind the scenes. (That’s why wrestling fans had such a hard time believing that Owen Hart really did, in fact, DIE as the result of a ridiculous and over-the-top in-ring angle).

But for non-fans…

They default to just the opposite mindset. They see wrestling as inherently “violent,” “lowbrow,” “dangerous,” and “over-the-top,” and so they are all-too-willing to assume the worst whenever they hear the slightest inkling of bad or salacious news from out of the ‘rasslin’ rumor mill. And so Vince McMahon is reported to have been killed in a stunt gone wrong? Again, hardly a surprise that mainstream outlets are biting on the story as yet another in their long line of “SEE? We told ya wrestling was dangerous!” cautionary tales. So to PWInsider and those fans who “can’t believe how many people are taking this seriously” — get over YOURselves. Non-fans don’t think about wrestling the way we uberfans do, and so they’re easily taken in when something that’s so well-done makes a headline.

Reality TV Evolved: Has This Angle Gone Too Far?

Regarding the whole “but it tastelessly blurs the line between what’s real and what’s not” argument:

Lighten up.

And if a *FAKE* ten bell salute cheapens death, then a *FAKE* injury angle (a longtime staple in pro wrestling) cheapens real injuries. Like…

Hogan’s “broken ribs” at the hands (well, ass) of Earthquake (to buy Hulk time to film a movie).

Cena’s “stabbed kidney” in a bar fight with Carlito’s henchmen (to buy Cena time to film a movie).

Rob Van Dam’s “serious concussion” against Randy Orton (to cover for a contract expiring).

And heck — just about 99% of EVERYTHING that Ric Flair has ever done in a wrestling ring (both as a face AND as a heel) inevitably involved some sort of well-played injury angle (Dusty Rhodes comes to mind) and/or massive amount of bloodshed (think back to Edge/Flair’s TLC match).

Point blank: a fake injury is just as “tasteless” as a fake death.

It’s pretty ridiculous to say that you’re perfectly alright watching a “fake” scene that depicts a fifty-something-year-old-man beaten to a pulp onscreen and left lying in a pool of his own blood (coughRicFlaircough) but that you’re NOT alright with watching an equally “fake” scene that depicts a fifty-something-year-old-man being “offed” onscreen even though no trace of his body is found. Both are equally “fake,” but one requires REAL bloodshed (and in Flair’s case, quite a bit of it), and runs the risk of REAL injury (go back and watch Edge/Flair’s TLC match and just TRY not to cringe along the way). That’s simply not the case for the McMahon explosion stunt, which was done with the proper supervision and only after the company had obtained the necessary permits. No blood was shed, no people were harmed, and no injuries were incurred.

In short?

The people whining about this angle being any more “tasteless” than your typical wrestling injury storyline, or saying that this “uncomfortably blurs the line between real and not real” are just looking for something to complain over. Wrestlers fake injuries all the time, and entire storylines are written play to fan sympathies in hopes to get some good mileage out of those “fake injuries.” Just ask Abyss. Or John Cena. Or Hulk Hogan. Or…

Admit it, Vince gotcha. Now get over it.

Screw Reality, This Looks Like a Cartoon!

If “cartoonishness” really offends you — do yourselves a favor, folks, and just stop watching pro wrestling altogether.

If you’re looking for reality-based fights (that far too often consist of a few quick strikes, then two dudes hugging one another for three minutes until the ref stops ’em or somebody passes out), change the channel to UFC. But if you’re looking for “larger-than-life” superhero-like combat, where a guy can sustain a hundred or so punches, a half-hour’s worth of bodyslams, and a matchfull of quasi-chokeholds and STILL end up winning the match… then pro wrestling is for you. I mean — when The Undertaker gets his ass handed to him for twenty-plus minutes, only to do a “zombie situp,” roll his eyes into the back of his head and then summarily beat the snot out of his opponent and win the match — does anybody *really* believe we’re looking at an undead phenom?

By nature, wrestling is cartoonish. Even if some of the best angles in history were “based on real life events,” it’s pretty silly to think that there wasn’t a certain element of cartoonishness that underscored even the best of the best. Austin/McMahon? If an employee physically assaults you, then you fire him. The nWo? If a “renegade promotion” tries to “invade” your company? You have them arrested. And the McMahon limo explosion?

Well, there you have it.

Are We in for a Summer of Rikishi-Redux?

Apples and oranges, people.

Even if we found the initial Austin rundown to be a bit more extreme than we’re used to seeing, fans were more than willing to sit through the “whodunnit” phase of the Austin incident because we wanted to see if the clues would piece themselves together while we played “guess who” along the way with each new bit of evidence. It’s not all that different than Law & Order or CSI, when you think of it. The reason fans crapped all over the Rikishi payoff isn’t because the “whodunnit” premise in and of itself sucks (which was not the case, by the way — people LOVED the investigation into the Austin rundown), it was because the ultimate payoff to the whole thing just sucked:

a) Rikishi had ZERO history of a beef with Austin to begin with.
b) Rikishi came OUT OF NOWHERE as a suspect (and not in that good “Tim Curry in Clue” kinda way).
c) Rikishi’s “motive” was laughable — “I did it for the people!”
d) Prior to the hit-and-run, Rikishi was never more than a midcard comedy act at best, so nobody took him seriously.
e) When the angle started to talk, Rikishi was quickly shuffled out and HHH was inexplicably brought in — thus killing all the “I did it for the people!” momentum in the first place.

In the end: no history, no clues, no motive, no push, and no payoff.

Fact is — the last “whodunnit” didn’t suck from a concept standpoint, it sucked because the payoff to the angle came out of left field… and not in a good way.

Last time around, WWF/E hastily penned an angle to explain for a major star’s absence — and they likewise overpushed the payoff to the storyline in the vain hope that, if they pushed it hard enough, it’d automatically create a new main-event-uberbaddie when all was said and done. But since nobody really cared about Rikishi in the first place, since he was brought into the angle OUT OF NOWHERE (and again, not in that GOOD “out of nowhere” way), and since he was quickly shuffled out of the angle almost immediately thereafter — fans had every right to scoff at the thing.

This time around, though —

EVERYBODY has a history with McMahon.

EVERYBODY left clues of some sort or another (the video “tributes,” for one).

EVERYBODY has a motive.

… and, with the proper build, ANYBODY can receive a HUUUGE push on the back end of this thing so long as fans are given enough time to accept them as a logical suspect to the big payoff.

So rather than blindly hating on the storyline because the payoff COULD be bad… how about we give them the benefit of the doubt, enjoy the “whodunnit” investigation as it unfolds over the next few months (you’ll recall that Foley’s Columbo schtick during the Austin rundown was outstanding), and simply WAIT until the company has the chance to deliver their big payoff before we go lambasting the angle from the word “go”?

Philly Fans Boo The Salute: An Omen of Bad Things to Come?

Wrong.

The fact that the ECW fans in Philly on Tuesday night booed the ten-bell salute shows us NOT that the fans “are already crapping all over the angle” (as some web critics have suggested), but rather that the WWE audience “knows” Vince McMahon (the person) isn’t dead and that they’re simply booing the supposed demise of THE CHARACTER of “Mr. McMahon” to play along. Let’s be honest here, folks — wrestling fans LOVE Vince McMahon (the person) for all he’s done for the wrestling business. If he were actually dead and they were to give him a ten-bell salute, everybody would be on their feet cheering like crazy.

But look at the TitanTron graphic; plain as day, it says “In Memory of ***MR.*** McMahon,” the name of the character we all “love to hate.” Everybody’s in on the joke, and so they’re booing the (supposed) demise of a full-blown heel. Just like we know The Undertaker isn’t really an undead zombie, we all know that the real-life ‘rasslin mogul Vince McMahon is alive and well. But since something bad has happened to his character — a BAD person — we react accordingly. Guarantee you that aren’t booing because they hate Vince McMahon (the person) or the angle he’s given them, they’re booing because they’re playing along — jeering one last “good riddance” farewell (for now) to a character we’re supposed to hate in the first place.

In other words — it’s working.

Ok, So He’s Alive. Now What?

And finally, regarding the whole “but why bother? No self-respecting wrestling fan *really* believes Vince McMahon dead” line of thought:

When a guy paints his face like a Samoan savage straight out of the jungle, does anybody *really* believe he was discovered on some remote tropical island? When two long-term partners turn on one another onscreen and dissolve their tag-team (say, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) — does anybody *really* believe that the duo’s real-life relationship is any worse off or better than it was before? Jerry Seinfeld’s character ends up in jail on the Seinfeld series finale — does anybody REALLY believe that Jerry Seinfeld (the actor) is actually spending time behind bars with Kramer, George and Elaine?

It’s called suspension of disbelief, people.

Vince (the character) might not be dead, and everybody knows that — but “dead” or not, from a *storyline* perspective we’re being asked to consider the fact that somebody actually tried to blow the guy up. And so yeah, while it’ll hardly be a shocker to most when it’s inevitably revealed that Mr. McMahon “mysteriously” survived the accident — the big McMahon return will ultimately be quite secondary to this whole storyline, as the bulk of its focus will inevitably center on the “whodunnit” payoff to it all, rather than the inevitable “but is he ok?” payoff thereafter.

in the mean time, fans are being asked to treat EVERYONE as a suspect for the deed.

All told, what have we learned from this angle?

1) It’s “whodunnit,” not “who done it?”
2) Nobody died, and Vince will be back.
3) The draft wasn’t all that monumental anyhow.
4) No media to begin with = nothing to backlash against.
5) It’s not all that surprising that non-fans wanna’ know if this is real or not.
6) This is no more “real” or “fake” than an injury angle — and nobody was hurt.
7) This is no more cartoonish than Austin, the nWo “takeover” or the Undertaker.
8) This angle lends itself to tons of possible payoffs.
9) People aren’t booing the Mr. McMahon angle, they’re booing the Mr. McMahon character.
10) Dead or alive is irrelevant — the chase for the culprit is the real payoff.

With that in mind, I’d like to devote the rest of this column to a veritable kayfabe-tastic “whodunnit?” (note the spelling) as we lay the odds on who’s most likely to be the person responsible for the Vince McMassacre of 2007.

Who Blew Up Mr. McMahon’s Limo?

An in-depth look at the most (and least!) likely of suspects…

The Family

Vince McMahon: With all of the finger-pointing directed at everyone else, what better way for The Chairman to flush out his enemies and see where everyone’s allegiances *truly* lie than to fake his own death? I’m sure y’all recall how well it worked for Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn (for you Twain fans out there).
Odds: 2:1 — We all know Vince will be back eventually. And if WWE ultimately decides *not* to push a new star out of this whole affair, it’s an easy fix to pull another “IT WAS ME AUSTIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!!!” payoff.

Linda McMahon: After the grief that Vince put her through onscreen, wouldn’t it be wonderfully “Lucille Bluth” of the CEO if we learned that Linda was really the evil driving force behind all of the McMahon family disfunction all along?
Odds: 50:1 — Nice in theory, but Linda is no actress and so I just don’t see this one happening.

Shane McMahon: Let’s face it, the Boy Wonder has already tried usurping his father before. And if Steph and Hunter are pulling the strings, setting Shane up to be the scapegoat in all of this would pretty well write him out of the will, eh?
Odds: 10:1 — Shane’s a snake, but the father/son feud went bust after WCW.

Stephanie McMahon: From bad roots come bad fruits, and thanks to daddy dearest’s Machiavellian upbringing — The “Billion Dollar Princess” has evidenced a pretty viscious mean streak of her own.
Odds: 8:1 — Steph’s more likely than Shane, but she’s also pretty busy being a full-time writer and mommy.

Triple H: We all know Hunter’s always been a power-hungry S.O.B., but more importantly — he just so happens to be Vinny Mac’s son-in-law-O.B. in line to inherit the McMahon company fortune. Lest we forget, he was also the man who put Rikishi up to wrestling’s last vehicular misdeed.
Odds: 4:1 — Hunter’s due back as a mega-face, so don’t count on it. But then again, he also loves the spotlight… so never say “never.”

Aurora Rose Levesque: If WWE follows in the footsteps of the town of Springfield’s infamous “Who shot Mr. Burns?” investigation, then look no further than to the company’s resident Maggie Simpson stand-in.
Odds: 20:1 — People scoffed when The Simpsons did it, so don’t expect WWE to do the same.

The Cronys

Jonathan Coachman: As many folks have pointed out, Coach seemed all-too-willing to redirect the Chairman to his bomb-laden-limo just outside the arena. Needless to say, he’s an obvious suspect.
Odds: 20:1 — Conventional wisdom tells us that an angle this big will be used to *really* push somebody to the top in an equally big way. Coach just doesn’t fit the bill.

Pat Patterson: Keeping with The Simpsons whodunnit scenario, I’m sure many of us recall that Springfield’s token “ambiguously gay” brown-noser was once a prime suspect.
Odds: 100:1 — Smithers didn’t do it, and niether did the first IC Champ.

Jim Ross: While we’re speculating on “Who shot J.R.?,” some fans (and WWE writers) are BOUND to throw a few red herrings of their witch-hunt Jim Ross’s way… if only because his nickname fits the bill. That said, he *is* a proven ass-kisser with multiple firings to his credit, and if anybody’s got an axe to grind…
Odds: 100:1 — No worries here, our barbecue-lovin’ Hall of Famer is in the clear.

Eric Bischoff: The last time Easy E appeared on WWE television, he was sticking it to the boss. Prior to that, he was being stuffed into a garbage truck by none other than Vince McMahon himself. Oh yeah, and there was that whole “Monday Night Wars” thing.
Odds: 50:1 — Bischoff’s a long-shot, but he’s a great performer. Here’s hoping the investigation gets him on our TV, even if its only for a week.

Paul Heyman: When it comes to “extreme” behavior, the self-proclaimed “Mad Scientest of ECW” has a history of envelope-pushing stunts. From tempting fate against “the network” to destroying everything from rings to ramps and all things in between — Heyman’s a madman, and an easy suspect.
Odds: 75:1 — Paul E. would be a great choice, and he’s one of very few performers who can deliver the ***** promo that’d be needed to hammer the payoff to this angle home when all’s said and done. That said, Heyman’s WWE’s “good graces” ship might have already sailed.

The Legends

Hulk Hogan: The Hulkster has been notoriously hot at Vince McMahon ever since his WrestleMania snub earlier this year. Hogan’s reality show has already shown us that he’s not above rigging a vehicle with a hidden GPS tracking device — and Nick certainly knows cars — so is a covert carbomb really all that far out of the question?
Odds: 500:1 — If Hogan was in on this one, HE would have been the guy in the limo. And in turn, HE would have totally no-sold the explosion and walked out of the firey wreckage completely unscathed. Of course, on the way out of the fire he probably would have dropped a big, flaming legdrop on Osama Bin Laden, solved the U.S. immigration policy, and lowered gas prices to a buck and a quarter per gallon.

Bret Hart: They don’t call him “The Hitman” for nothing, ya’ know. And as we approach the ten-year-anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob, Bret Hart’s name has been thrown around a LOT these days. Couple that with the fact that he made a rare (if taped) appearance on WWE television last week, and people can’t help but wonder if the stars are in line for one great big reveal that Bret was behind two of the greatest “works” of all time.
Odds: 100:1 — If Hitman reveals he was behind the car bombing AND that he was in on the Montreal Screwjob all along… we’d be looking at the single biggest wrestling angle of all time. Awesome as this may be, I just can’t see it happening.

Jesse Ventura: With “The Body” meeting with WWE execs this week at Titan headquarters, there’s every reason to believe that the two parties could well be planning something major for Ventura in the future. Plus, with a background in the cut-throat world of politics, professional hits are hardly uncharted waters for this former Navy SEAL.
Odds: 50:1 — Ventura’s a great red-herring, but MeeThinks he was discussing other business in Stamford.

Steve Austin: The Rattlesnake is a cold-blooded hell-raiser, but is he a cold-blooded killer as well? With Austin’s movie career floudering and “The Condemned” bombing at the box office… perhaps a limo bombing in the parking lot is the next logical step as he makes his way back to WWE.
Odds: 30:1 — Of all the “legends,” Austin is probably the most likely. But that’s not saying much.

The Usual Suspects

Shawn Michaels: True, he’s a man of God these days… but we all know some of the crazy stuff people have done in the name of their religion when push comes to shove. HBK is a long-time McMahon rival, so his name is bound to come up.
Odds: 20:1 — Unless they’re planning some whacky dX reunion stunt, I just don’t see the point in getting HBK mixed up with all this.

John Cena: Cena’s a babyface champion with a chip on his shoulder and a longstanding beef against authority. We’ve already seen Austin/McMahon and Cena/Bischoff… so is this the next step in WWE’s next big mega-feud?
Odds: 10:1 — Gotta’ say, if Cena turns out to be the guy behind this one, it’d be a huge surprise (and a huge risk). Even if Vince was a bad guy, trying to blow another guy up doesn’t exactly win favor with the “cheer for the good guy” kids & women crowd.

Bobby Lashley: The last time WWE had themselves a drawn-out “whodunnit?” angle, the culprit was revealed to be none other than a soft-spoken minority wrestler who’d never quite been able to reach certifiable “main eventer” staying power. Could history repeat itself with Lashley?
Odds: 5:1 — Rikishi’s big reveal was a bigger bomb than McMahon’s limo, so it’s a stretch that WWE will repeat the same mistake with Bobby.

Batista: Batista’s name is bound to come up because he’s one of the very few non-injured top-level babyfaces on the Smackdown! brand. He’s got no beef with Vinny Mac, however, so there seems little reason that he’d be revealed as the culprit in this whole mess.
Odds: 15:1 — Unless they really botch this payoff, Batista is in no danger.

CM Punk: ECW’s resident straightedge superstar is something of a hit with the internet crowd these days, and so I’m sure its only a matter of time before IWC’ers start clamoring for him to be revealed as the “Punk” behind the big McMassacre of 2007 — that way he’s pushed to the moon with a high-profile main event program.
Odds: 10:1 — Punk’s ECW’s main babyface, so he’ll be a suspect alright. As for the culprit, however — don’t hold your breath.

Chris Benoit: Having made the jump to ECW, the Crippler finally has the chance to make another dent in the main event. But with an all-too-apparent shortcoming on the microphone, Benoit has always had a hard time managing to stay on top. If WWE’s thinking “style” over “substance” — they could easily pin the explosion on him to mask his lack of charisma.
Odds: 20:1 — Benoit is great, but this is a bad idea. He simply doesn’t have what it’ll take to sell the payoff when it comes time to the “big reveal” promo.

Randy Orton: He is called “The Legend Killer,” ya’ know. And when it comes to Legends in professional wrestling, there are certainly none greater than the legend of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Expect Orton’s name to be thrown around quite a bit in the weeks to come.
Odds: 8:1 — Orton’s already a megaheel, so there’s really nothing for him to gain by doing something so dastardly.

Mick Foley: In Foley’s latest book, he talks about a potential program with either Vince McMahon or John Cena being in the works for his character in the years to come. The question, of course, is whether or not WWE still thinks the “lovable muppet” is worth investing any of their “major feud” time into. His Melina storyline, as we all remember, was quickly lost in the shuffle.
Odds: 15:1 — Foley (like Heyman) is one of very few people who could deliver the payoff promo as it needed to be done. But again, he’s a stretch.

The Longshots

God: Before Shawn Michaels went back to teaming with his old pal Triple H, the Heart Break Kid was embroiled in a bitter feud against Vinny Mac and company with The Almighty riding shotgun by his side. And as the good book says, Vince, “payback beith a bitch.”
Odds: 1:1 — Not that he *couldn’t* do it, of course… but MeeThinks The Big Man Upstairs simply has bigger fish to fry.

JBL: While we’re busy cribbing from old TV programs with similar plots, fans can’t help but look to John Bradshaw Layfield as a possible suspect. After all, with his southerner-turned-city-boy swagger, the resemblance to Dallas’ J.R. Ewing is uncanny. Then again, last time J.R. was on the *receiving* end…
Odds: 2:1 — This would be a great swerve if WWE were serious about bringing JBL back in as an active competitor (and as a babyface, no less).

Mohammad Hassan: It’s pretty amazing to see how fast this guy’s name was brought up the moment the words “tasteless wrestling angle” and “bombing” were brought up in the same sentence.
Odds: 50:1 — WWE caught enough flack for a terrorist character the last time around.

Finlay: Born and raised on the mean streets of Northern Ireland, Finlay is WWE’s “Belfast Bruiser” with a history of violence. IRA ties are unlikely, however, as I’m pretty sure Finlay is Protestant.
Odds: 50:1 — Love him though we do, Finlay simply isn’t anywhere near WWE’s list of stars likely to receive a main-event push.

Rikishi: Thinking back to the WrestleCrap-tacular “who ran over Steve Austin?” storyline, long-time fans will tell you that ‘Kishi has a pretty nasty history of hit-and-run assaults. While we’re at it, I’m pretty sure our favorite fatty has had a few run-ins with the U.S. Marshalls since departing WWE.
Odds: 75:1 — Rikishi’s last push was a flop, so another’s not likely.

Diamond Dallas Page: You laugh, but the last time WWE had themselves a quasi-criminal mastermind on staff (the stalker of Undertaker’s blushing young bride, Sara) — it turned out to be none other than DDP. A disappointing payoff? Perhaps. But for shock value? Self high five!
Odds: 100:1 — Sorry, DDP fans… not a chance.

The Voodoo Kin Mafia: It’s not like these two jokers are doing much of note on TNA television anyhow, and they “declared war on VKM” not so long ago — so I’m sure a few people are bound to throw their names into the mix.
Odds: 500:1 — Do you *really* think WWE would waste the payoff from a major angle like this on these two clowns?.

The “C”-lebrities

Tony Soprano: With The Sopranos officially in the history books, bringing in James Galdofini to reprise his mobster role really serves no point in this whole storyline. If the HBO finale was a few months away, however, a Sopranos crossover might not be as easy to rule out.
Odds: 500:1 — Inevitably, talk of The Sopranos series finale will overlap with the WWE carbomb story this summer. Thankfully for wrestling fans hoping the McMahon angle actually pays off with a WRESTLER, that should be all we see in the way of crossover between the two shows.

Donald Trump: Sure the Trump ship sailed at WrestleMania, but if anyone has the money to arrange a mob-style hit on the Chairman — it’s The Donald. Trump thinks big, and since he got a ton of free press out of the first incarnation of the McMahon feud — who’s to say that he wouldn’t go back to the well for another go-round?
Odds: 10:1 — Trump’s got the history, but odds are good that he’s also worn out his welcome with the wrestling fans.

Bob Costas: Sure he’s a man of class and journalistic gravitas, but everybody has their skeletons in the closet. Ted Haggart is a repressed homosexual, Rush Limbaugh is a covert drug-abuser… does Bob Costas have a penchant for car bombings?
Odds: 100:1 — Costas could be the guy, but really — would anyone care?

The Jackass Gang: With a SummerSlam crossover in the making, a half-hearted throwdown already issued Vinny Mac’s way, and a history of dumb pranks to their resume, Steve-O and the boys could easily be worked into the McMahon carbomb angle.
Odds: 3:1 — For mainstream media attention, it’s probably the easiest sell. For making “new stars,” — it’s the worst.

MeeThinks?

As you can see, there are LIMITLESS possibilities as to how this storyline could pay off. And even if some of them are less exciting than others (the Jackass payoff, for example, hardly gives the push to a new star along the way) — you’ve simply got to hand it to WWE from a concept standpoint, because unlike Rikishi’s crap explanation for running down Steve Austin, with the Vince McMahon limo bomb of 2007… EVERYBODY has a logical motive for wanting to take the Chairman out.

Shane O, Linda, Steph and Hunter want the company fortune.

Lashley, Cena, Michaels and the babyfaces want his meddling to stop.

Orton, Hassan and the heels want to make a name for themselves.

Hart, Costas and the “legends” want revenge.

The Jackasses want noteriety.

Shoot, even the longshots like JBL want to make an impact.

And so REGARDLESS of who the culprit turns out to be — it looks like wrestling fans are in for a great ride along the way, complete with three-dimensional characters, well-documented motives for each, and an inevitable payoff that (with all luck) should result in a MAJOR push for anybody who’s even remotely involved with this angle. In short, looks to Mee like there’s a GREAT summer’s worth of WWE programming in store.

Unless, of course, this all just ends up being nothing more than one big Jackass stunt all along… in which case, you will officially have every right to complain.

The MeeThinks Pay Per View Tracker

The Summer PPV season continues with SlammiVersary this weekend. Last time I did much better than usual — so here’s the track record of my predictions so far…

WWW New Year’s Revolution – N/A
TNA Final Resolution – 3/7
WWE Royal Rumble – 2/5
TNA Against All Odds – 2/9
WWE No Way Out – N/A
TNA Destination X – 4/9
WWE WrestleMania 23 – 4/8
TNA Lockdown – 7/9
WWE Backlash – 2/6
TNA Sacrifice – 5/9
WWE Judgment Day – 5/7
WWE One Night Stand – 7/8

Cumulative Total: 41/77
Percent Correct: 53.25%

Boo ya — I’m officially more than half right! ONS was huge for Mee, so let’s see if I can keep up the trend for TNA’s (notoriously difficult to predict) SlammiVersary PPV this weekend.

Bashams (though VKM is due), Backlund, LAX (Rino win on PPV? Ha!), Wycheck & Lynn (Killings win… period? HA!), Eric Young (I hope!), Daniels (needs it), Lethal (to shake things up), Team 3D retains (no Scotty, no title switch), and the mystery entrant Cornette announces at the show (smart money says Abyss).

YouThinks Reader Mail

John Bryant had a small request earlier in the week:

Can you Do me a favor. DO a Fantasy Draft. I asked Sean,Alex and David of the Triple Threat to do it but they did. You could get Czonka and Cook or some other writers to do ECW or RAW or Smackdown while you did one of the 3. I wanted to know how you think it would go. Also: are their any Post-draft Match-ups or Feuds you’d like to see occur?

– John Bryant

Ask and ye shall receive, John. The 411 Fantasy Draft was a ton of fun… but after participating in 411’s free-for-all pick’em on Monday afternoon, I can definitely see why WWE reigns their roster re-shuffling in the way they do.

Conspiracy theorist Arturo sent Mee hisThinks regarding the McMahon limo explosion:

wwe well known around the world for their stunts and special effects and…… really really bad editing.

watch the video where vince is inside the arena. he exits and just before he enters the limo… notice behind the gate there is a huge wwe truck.
now watch the pictures on wwe.com as the limo first explodes…..no truck behind the gate.

what do u think?

– arturo

Well Arturo…

Thanks to the magic of TiVo, I’ve watched (and re-watched, and slo-mo’ed, and…) the McMahon limo explosion so much in the past week that I swear you’d think it was the Kennedy assasination tape. After close and careful review — here’s what I’ve come up with:

1) The big white WWE truck is still there throughout the explosion (even in slo-mo). And on the WWE.com filmstrip, you can see it in the upper-righthand corner throughout. Perhaps the reason why the two aren’t jiving is simply because the perspective on WWE.com is different than the one aired on WWE television. In either case, the truck remains in the same location throughout.

2) There was another conspiracy theory kicking about that the puddle of liquid just beside the rear driver’s side tire appeared and then disappeared during the explosion. Again, not so from what I can tell via slo-mo, as I’m pretty sure I see that shimmery patch beside the tire throughout.

3) Even if the puddle *did*, in fact, vanish after the explosion (as some have pointed out regarding the pool of liquid just underneath the center of the limo) — that’s pretty easily explained by the explosion itself. If it was just a shallow puddle of water, then chances are it was instantly evaporated by the heat of the big blast. Short of that, if the puddle was some other type of liquid (say, gasoline that was left by somebody — kayfabe, of course — to make the explosion a big one) — the fact that it disappeared could easily be attributed to the fact that the “puddle” was replaced by a miniature lake of fire by the end of the explosion, as you can see in the final frames of the slideshow.

4) In short, WWE pulled this stunt off FLAWLESSLY. From leaving the charred remains of the limo outside of the building to the seemless editing that went into splicing the two night’s footage together, this was nothing short of brilliant work by all parties involved — and WWE deserves some major kudos for making this thing come off as professionally (and as realistically) as they did.

If this wasn’t the age of the “know it all” internet, I’d wager that fans would wonder for YEARS just how the company was able to pull it off. Shoot, I’ve been watching wrestling for 20 years or so… and even I had to double-take (and wake my girlfriend up, screaming “YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!”) the moment the limo went boom. I mean, yeah — I *knew* it had to be fake… but I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how in the blue hell they pulled that stunt off on first watch (the best guess I could wager was that Vince darted through the back door on the other side while a stunt dummy’s leg was stuck out of the car on that second touch — but even that would have been a massive stretch in such a short time frame).

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here…

That’ll do it for Mee this week, folks. If you’d like to get in on the “ground level” of the all-important “I toldja’ so” game that’s likely to be making the rounds on the ‘webz once the big Vinny Mac whodunnit reveal unfolds a few months from now, PLEASE E-MAIL MEE your best guess as to who was the guy responsible! That way we can publish your guesses next week so there’s indisputable evidence that yes, in fact, you really did “told us so” some two months down the road. In the mean time, enjoy the fallout AND the big TNA pay-per-view this weekend, and always stay positive!

– Meehan