You’re An Idiot And Here’s Why 6.28.07: ECW

If you’re not ready for that yet then don’t read any further. It’s okay, I understand. We’re cool.

You guys still with me? Okay.

This Week’s Idiot: ECW – Where Bad Gimmicks Go To Die

Man I had such high freakin’ hopes for ECW in the Draft. It was the perfect opportunity to not only restructure, but also add some much needed depth and star power to the roster. I thought that safe bets could be guys like William Regal and Finlay. Incredibly talented wrestlers who could really get a chance to shine on a show like ECW, and really help school some of the younger stars as they go. Guys like Regal, Taylor and Finlay are annoyingly used as enhancement talent on the top shows, but in ECW they could bring back some of the hard, mat-based style we were promised back when Kurt Angle was part of the mixture. Or maybe throw on the cruiserweights like Super Crazy or Funaki who are equally on Job Duty, and really let them shine.

And yes, I let myself dream. I let myself dream of an ECW with someone like Ric Flair or JBL acting as a GM or a mouthpiece. I dreamed of an ECW with King Booker or Shawn Michaels. Crazy, right? I know, I know. I drastically overshot with my hopes for ECW in the Draft. Although I also drastically underestimated just how badly WWE were hurting for star talent. It’s only when I spent some real time studying the roster for The Fink’s Payload that I realised how much trouble they’re in.

Don’t get me wrong, ECW got some good picks with both Chris Benoit and Johnny Nitro. Those two represented an old, established worker and new, young, fresh guy who could quickly and easily become a star. Nitro is a great talent who has been suffering on Raw simply through being overcrowded. It was ridiculous having Nitro and Melina on Raw doing the same damn act as Edge and Lita…only further down the card and not half as over. At least when they were on Smackdown you weren’t making the comparison so obvious.

And of course…The Boogeyman. First and foremost I’m a fan of the gimmick revival we’ve had a little bit of in recent years. When it’s done right. Pirate Paul Birchall was the greatest thing to happen to Smackdown since the Smackdown Six. He swung to the ring on a godamn rope! How awesome is that?! The answer is completely freakin’ awesome! And The Boogeyman debuted around the same time with his weird little Mini ‘Taker styled gimmick. Insanely over the top can work when done properly. And I quite liked Boogey to begin with. Hell of an entrance, like Taker. Hell of a look, like Taker. Sadly, his in-ring ability also mimics Taker’s current style. I.E. not a lot. You wanna know how to book the Undertaker these days? Play the gong, do the druids and the smoke, have him do the slow walk to the ring…then end the show. That’s all the fans want anyway. WWE have successfully made Taker’s entrance more important and impressive that his actual matches.

The Boogeyman has a little of that style about him. But without any meat-and-potatoes angle or feud for us to dig out teeth into, and without an entertaining in-ring style…he quickly fizzled out. Internet reports (also called “lies”) say that The Boogeyman was very close to being fired before the Draft. So what the hell, send him ECW. What a great pick, eh? That’s practically WWE admitting that ECW is as good as being released. Now, if he’d brought Little Boogeyman with him, it would have been a whole different deal (for those not in the know…I like midgets).

And The Miz. Now…I like The Miz. Seriously, guy’s got some great skills, great ring presence and can work a mic and a crowd. I worry that he views the WWE like any other reality show. I worry that he’s here for the fame and not for the biz. But I still like his act. The problem is, Miz is very gimmicky. And it’s starting to feel like WWE no longer likes the gimmick revival it started, and so has shunted them all over to ECW.

Now we’ve got The Miz, Matt Striker, the teacher from hell, and The Boogeyman (sans Lil’ Boogeyman) on the show. Mmmmmm that sure does smell like an A-List show. Half the roster has been used as enhancement talent for Raw and Smackdown for so long that it’s impossible to take them seriously. I love Stevie Richards, but I can’t buy him anymore because he’s been Snitsky’s bitch for so damn long. And Bob Holly. And Mike Knox. Same deal with Nunzio and Dreamer. And the other half of the roster? Bad strippers. Don’t get me wrong, I like boobies. A lot. But an entire segment dedicated to bad dancers like the Extreme Expose, belongs on a show that has two hours, not sixty-minutes.

Of course there’s hope. Not just hope, but some of the best talent in the WWE. Marcus Cor Von, Elijah Burke and CM Punk. But without the roster depth, they’re just beating the crap out of the same people every week to get themselves over. Which means that as soon as they get snapped up by Raw or Smackdown…we’re just left with their enhancement talents again. Remember when The Big Show was ECW Champion? And every single main event was Big Show Vs Undertaker, or Ric Flair or some of the other HUGE names. And Big Show won every week because he was the champion and it was his show. Y’know…except against The Undertaker. Apparently it’s a State Law that he’s not allowed to lose.

I was excited to see Johnny Nitro as the new ECW Champion and again hopeful for the brand. Of course this hope was rewarded by the WWE smacking me about the face as the WWE Champion beat the newly crowned ECW Champion…on ECW’s own show. Just in case we thought that belt and its champion and the show actually meant anything or mattered in the slightest. I know everyone perhaps wanted a happy ending on Tuesday night, I just think there was a way to do that without jobbing out your new lead performer. Look, the ECW title has just been vacated recently, which hurts its credibility and lineage enough. Surely time should be spent building the title and champion up to a prestigious level? Not to mention the fact that Edge is already doing the “cowardly-heel-who-only-just-keeps-the-title-despite-being-beaten-by-the-good-guy-all-the-damn-time” act on Smackdown. Let’s not have Nitro yet again lumbered with a role perilously close to Edge’s.

You’re An Idiot Because: Do You Want A Money-Making Brand Or A Job Factory?

I’m not doing any feedback this week because of the subject matter of your e-mails was all about the McMachon Death angle and that doesn’t feel right this week. Also, the last thing you guys need right now is someone calling you an Idiot. Probably. Except you JoeWCO. You’re always a lovable Idiot.