Wrestling’s 4R’s 8.03.07: STEVIE WINS AGAIN, Impact defines Purgatory, Khali’s Rockin Punjab Party, Kennedy takes out Lashley and More!

iMpact 7.26.07:

The Right:

NADDA~!

puRgatory:

Roode vs. Sting – Robert Roode has joined the Christian Coalition and he and AJ Styles are now in a tremendous pissing contest to be Cage’s favorite. They both stepped up to take out Sting and Abyss, and Roode got the draw of Sting. They had a fine bout, Roode hung with Sting and looked like he belonged. He is coming along very well as a heel and I am all for him and the recent greatness. But now we move into the problem areas. First of all is the obvious, which is the fact that Robert Roode cannot shake Eric Young, he’s like a bad case of gonorrhea. Their feud should have been over and done with, yet they still seem to stay linked. Roode is someone that they have wanted to elevate for a long time and his addition in the Coalition has done that, but it cannot go anywhere if Young is still feuding with him. Add to that the fact that Sting gets the win and Roode is not going anywhere soon.

Tag Team Verbal Sparring – As far as the delivery of the promo and performances, this was an awesome segment. Let’s check it all out:

how *DARE* you talk to those Puerto Ricans like that. Because right now, the Puerto Rican people and the Puerto Rican nation are my favorite people, because on June 3 in San Juan, Puerto Rico, I was in a hospital and they saved my life.

Brother Ray: (laughing) Devon! Look who it is — “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner and his half-retarded brother Rick.

Steiner: Shut up! Why don’t you stand there and let your thyroid continue to spiral out of control, and maybe you’ll gain a few more fat cells while I’m talkin’ to you. You see, I’ve never missed a match in my life, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have missed a match against you two faggots. But at SlammiVersary, when we were supposed to wrestle, I was fighting for more important things — and that was my life.

Ya’ see on June third, two weeks before SlammiVersary, I was wrestling in Puerto Rico. I got kicked in the throat, tore my trachea, they rushed me to the hospital and the doctor told me I had five hours to live. You see, being told you’re gonna’ die is a very humbling experience, and it scared the hell outta’ me. And right now, I would publically like to thank the Puerto Rican doctors, the Puerto Rican nurses who took care of me, and I would especially like to thank you people out there who showed your support.

Brother Ray: The reason why you didn’t show up is because you KNOW me and my brother Devon are better than you and your brother were ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. And whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, and whoah — what is this you said about “surgery?” Are you SERIOUS? Lemme’ check somethin… lemme’ move back your braids over here (flicks Steiner’s chainmail) — what kinda’ surgery did you have on your throat, Scott? I don’t see no SCAR. I think you’re lying, I think you’re scared.

(Scott cues Rick to help him remove his vest and t-shirt)

Mike Tenay: Can you believe that?! He just called Scott Steiner a liar!

Don West: I mean think about it, think about the facial expressions he’s been giving Scott while Scott’s been talking about this emotional moment.

Mike Tenay: I mean of all the tag teams in professional wrestling history, no one has ever questioned the Steiners guts and courage.

Steiner: (shirtless, to Brother Ray) It’s obvious to me your thyroid has now burst, and it’s cutting off oxygen to your brain you ignorant son of a bitch. See even though I got kicked in the throat, my trachea tore in my chest. So they went through my lat (raises right arm to reveal a MASSIVE half-circle scar that begins below his right shoulderblade and runs under his arm before ending just beneath his right pectoral), they went through my rib, cut *everything* between my two ribs, deflated my lung, and sewed my trachea up that way. THAT’s why I missed SlammiVersary, and it took me another five days to get home because I couldn’t fly.

Brother Ray: You couldn’t fly and you couldn’t wrestle because of *that little scratch?* Are you serious? Back in ECW, that was nothing more than a paper cut, you wussy.

Mike Tenay: Papercut!? That’s one of the nastiest-looking scars I’ve ever seen!

Steiner: You know the more I talk to you, the more I wanna’ knock your teeth down your throat. You never beat the Steiner Brothers, you never could, you name the time and a place. You were nothing but Bingo Hall Champions, we were WORLD Champs for a real company, WCW.

(VKM’s music hits)

B.G. James: You know I look up here and I can’t help but think that our invitation got lost in the mail.

Mike Tenay: Here comes VKM, with the Voodoo Queen, Roxxi LeVoux.

B.G. James: You see, I have come out here to give you a history lesson, because apparently, you guys history is bass-ackwards. The best damned team in professional wrestling history just got in this ring. Ya’ see, when we were on top of the wrestling business, the wrestling business was on top of the world — and, by God, that ain’t no coincidence!

Steiner: (to B.G. James) See, lemme give you a little facts… a little dose of reality: you mighta’ been on top in the WWF, but at the top of WHAT? A heap of crap. See when you were tag team champions, yeah, the wrestling world was at a high — but everybody at home was tuned into US, because WCW kicked your ass for 82 weeks straight in the ratings.

(To Team 3D) And as far as you two fatasses… you shouldn’t even be in the ring with us two.

Brother Ray: (off-mic, removing his vest) STOP CALLIN’ ME FAT!!!

(Focusing once more on the James Gang) Now I don’t have a doctor’s permission to have a wrestling match, but I don’t need an invitation to kick your ass.

Thanks to MEEHAN for the transcription.

But the part that really bothers me is the fact that, once again, they have to bring the past and other companies into the build of a TNA feud. I let it go when the Steiner’s and 3D were feuding because they were trying to clarify that they were both the best but it should have ended there. But with the VKM coming out this week, they continued to tout the success of the WWF and WCW and kept mentioning it. The one time was fine, but when they keep referencing it, it takes away from TNA, the company that they work for. I really wish that they would stop doing that, focus on the future and your company; please. The other thing that bothered me was that 3D just dismissed LAX and they left, like some punk bitches. Sure they came back and got involved, but their dismissal left a bad taste in my mouth.

AJ vs. Abyss – Part two of the Coalition’s revenge plan was to take out Abyss. AJ Styles was the man to step up to the plate, and this was good for us because AJ and Abyss work extremely well together. They had a damn fine bout, which is why this isn’t getting a wrong. But the bad part of this is that, once again we fall into TNA FORMULA~! We have a match going on and then we have to involve 76 other people. Tomko runs out, which brings out Sting. The mystery man under the ring pulls Abyss under the ring and after he returns all bloodied, Cage is out. Maybe if they could do this stuff after a match or not do it as often it would mean more, but it just feels like the same old stuff when the TNA formula hits. Let’s get 800 people on TV every week.

Angle’s Therapy/Dustin’s Promo – Kurt Angle had a series of video this week in which he was in “therapy sessions.” It was full of Angle talking about how great he was, how he had always been better than everyone. He then said TNA should love him because he made the company what it was. “Without me, TNA is an Indy that draws 50-people. You think of Ghandi, and George Washington and MKL when you think of Kurt Angle. A true hero.” And then we discovered that Angle had been laying in the tanning bed the entire time, and Nash was the shrink. Unfortunately we had to see Nash in a speed-o this week as he asked to use the tanning bed. Funny overall, but not as effective as it could have been and we’ll see why.

Dustin Rhodes had a sit down interview this week on Impact, where he explained his return and why he was attacking Chris Harris. Dustin talked about Goldust and that he did what he did to Harris because Harris is not ready to be at the top. He also Harris is trying to steal his spot and that is why he laid his ass out. Some people thought this made no sense, but it actually does. Harris is on the rise and when Rhodes was last in TNA they were partnering and on the same side, but Harris was just a tag team guy. Now years later think about it, Harris is on the rise and Dustin is on the slide. Dustin wants to regain his former glory and is the disgruntled veteran Harris the young up and comer. This was a fine promo, but the problem is two fold. #1 they already were running the Angle Therapy session, which was very similar when you think about the personality things that they were playing at. It just seemed like too much of the same thing on the same show. They both were relatively well done, but overall came off less effective due to being so similar. The other part is that all of the Goldust talk, and the rumors are that they are going to do what they wanted to do in WCW and make him Goldust light, or as close to Goldust as they can go without being sued. While I agree that Dustin is nothing without the Goldust gimmick, if you try to go this way you only continue to look like a 2nd rate WWE.

The MCMG’s vs. LAX – When I saw I was getting this match on TV I was excited and disappointed at the same time. Excited because I knew that no matter how long the match would be that it would be good and it was. Bad because I knew it would be too short and one team had to lose, and it was and someone did. Match was really good and the DOOMSDAY GRINGO CUTTER was tremendous. This is a match that should have had some build. This should have been a PPV match and should have been for the titles or a #1 contendership. Instead it was a throw away match, a match in which neither team really could afford to lose but someone did. This was plain old bad booking. If you wanted LAX to look strong book them over a couple of goofs, on the roster goofs or local goofs. Instead the bad decision making continues.

The Wrong:

NADDA~! –

The Ridiculous:

Why is Tomko carrying around a replica title belt? – Yes I know that Tomko is carrying an IWGP Tag Team Title belt and I know that it is his belt, which he holds with Albert. But why is he all of the sudden carrying it around in TNA? And why have Tenay and West NEVER mentioned it! Cage has joked about it, but they haven’t mentioned it. Why have the guy carry it around and never even mention it at all? Stupid!

SmackDown 7.27.06

The Right:

Looks as if I’m not the only one who latched onto the “Half-man half-amazing” line – First of all, the backstage outro promo featuring the team of Matt Hardy & Ric Flair was great stuff! Solidarity among North Carolinians!

The match against MVP & Chris Masters was predictably awesome. Obviously, Flair & Hardy know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to tag team mechanics, but it appeared MVP & Masters stepped Right up in this vain, as well. In fact, perhaps tagging might be considered full-time for Masters because he looked pretty damn good in the ring tonight (yeah, I said it). The consideration of adding Flair and Masters as partners was a commendable display of continuity regarding Hardy and MVP’s recent history, as well. Seeing Hardy & Flair celebrate was fun, too, mostly because I can only imagine what it meant to Matt.

The UST chase got a little more interesting, as well. In a great back-&-forth-er (possibly Matt’s best promo ever), MVP tried to rain on the victors’ parade, but Hardy made clear that he will prove who’s better than whom in any game named, ultimately planning to shame MVP into granting a UST rematch, which, of course, will happen. I love me some southern booking and this one has country gravy drooling over the sides. As long as these challenges don’t end up being *too* silly, this could be fun and really build to something.

Edge puts over Kane from his sickbed – Interesting promo with Edge. They seem to be driving home that it was Kane who put Edge on the shelf (kayfabe!); whether that’s to give Edge an automatically built-in return program once he’s healed, or as a means to push Kane as a dangerous and combustible character, I’m not sure, though, given the amount of time Edge will be sidelined, I’ll go with the former.

purgatory:

The ghost of Animals past – Points for consistency, first off, having a follow-up match from last week’s battle royal, wherein Batista (gloriously) eliminated both Lenny & Squiggy simultaneously. I LOVE Dave just standing in the ring, an expression of bemused WTF as he openly laughs at our “Champions”, as if to say, “Fuck ME, you two SUCK!” Most of all, though, kudos to Batista for employing some good, ol’ fashioned Flair-inspired psychology, getting in Deuce’s head as he openly (and hilariously) flirted with Cherry! THIS is the Batista I want to see, with sculpted mass being balanced by old-school ring smarts, you know, as if he was trained by Flair and Triple H. Here’s to hoping we get Big Dave back on track, returning to The Animal who turned on NaitcHHH and defeats Khali for the World Title (and, knowing SD!’s luck, shreds the better part of both lats off his back trying to hoist Khali into the air for the match-winning Batista Bomb. What…?! I’m just trying to be pragmatic.).

Credit still again to Batista; he worked hard to get this match over, IE, to hide how BAD Deuce is (and, remember, Deuce is the better of the two on his team). Things weren’t too bad till Dave accidentally posted himself, thus signaling Deuce’s opportunity to lay into and tame The Animal, attempting such with one of the weakest and poorly-sold (by the applicant!) wristlocks this side of The Honky-Tonk Man. However, the Batistarooni out of Crack In The Mouth recipient position to being up, poised and ready to deliver a wicked spear in the time it took Deuce to bounce off the ropes was freakin SWEET.

But here’s the big problem – one man, even Batista, does NOT need to bulldoze through the WWETTCs! Yes, granted, you can explain that Batista NEEDS to look strong and has more experience as a former two-time champion, whereas Lenny & Squiggy have been around, like, six months, and that, as JBL pointed out, there’s a world of difference between regularly tagging with a partner and going solo against an opponent like The Animal. And all of the foregoing is valid. But our “champions”, as much as I enjoyed watching them get their asses handed to them, should be booked with more respect, considering they are such, at least insofar as not to be so easily taken out by one man (or one Animal, for that matter). Handicap matches made a joke of Raw for awhile in the recent past; let’s not do the same on SD!.

Nothing Noble about this Title defense – Pretty straightforward here. This is exactly the reason I was hesitant to jump up and down when WWE “appeared” to be interested in CruiserWeights again; things seem to be swimming along, then BAM! Jacqueline or Chavo Classic as our CW champion and the whole division goes into suspended animation, its roster becoming high-profile jobbers for the brand. Oh, but now we have a midget champion.

Let me say, I love The Little Bastard as much as anyone, and probably a little more, since he had to prove himself to me and make me like him when I was originally opposed to Finlay acquiring a leprechaun. I don’t even mind *so* much that he’s the champion; what angers me is the fact that Jamie Noble tonight and any other “standard” CW hereafter will look like an imbecile in a good-natured, “shenanigans”-heavy match where The Bastard makes his opponent look like an absolute fool. I’m all for comedy in wrestling (to a point and in the appropriate spots), but NOT where belts and the perceived credibility of potential challengers is concerned, basically, same lyrics, different melody from the song Batista and the tag “champs” sang above.

Chavo ups his game – It appears Rey’s coming back with a mission, if you believe the hype, and that mission would be to target and seek vengeance upon Chavo Guerrero for having “put him out” of action in the “I Quit” match several months ago, which is why Eugene was fed to Chavo in tonight’s tune-up. This little exercise transpired so Chavo can remind himself, as well as us, that he’s a hell of a wrestler and that he can, in fact, jump class. I’m looking forward to Rey’s return and the likely ensuing program with Shabbo, but, considering our wafer-thin roster, can we afford to be treating anyone the manner in which we’re treating Eugene?

In fact, I want to start a campaign, here and now, but I’ll need YOUR help. Yes, any of you who are going to be attending a live WWE event, make a sign that says “Free Nick Dinsmore” and wave it incessantly, especially if you think you have snowball’s of getting on TV, as a sort of unofficial petition, sending a message to McMahonagement that Eugene needs a mercy killing to allow “Mr. Wrestling” the opportunity to reach his full potential at a time when we really need solid characters and wrestlers on Friday nights.

This wedding is DOOMed! – I know, I said I was loving the slow-burn in terms of the Vickie Guerrero/Kristal Marshall betrayal of Teddy Long and I was…two months ago! Come on, now, cheese will be made, sold, eaten and poo-ed out before we see this situation resolved (although thank God they’re not rushing it, which would have been worse). I still have faith that the audacity once this all comes to light will be worth the wait, plus, it’s great to see Ron Simmons as Peanut’s best man. Wonder if Butch Reed will come back to be the ring-bearer…?

Bye the bye, have you met our Silverback…? – Are we STILL re-re-re-reintroducing Mark Henry? Look, it’s pretty straightforward. Enormous, pissed-off black guy. Got it. He’s actually, finally evolved into a decent commodity…maybe let’s use him…?

Where’s your Spirit NOW, see – I’m kinda quoting an ancient Billy Crystal bit where he’s imitating Edward G. Robinson in “The Ten Commandments” taunting Moses saying, “Where’s your Messiah NOWWW, see?” in Robinson’s ‘40s gangster voice. I dunno, Youtube it. It’s fun.

Considering the tremendous roll Jimmy Wang Yang has been enjoying lately (uh, NOT), I’m growing concerned over Kenny’s status on the blue & silver roster and if he’s been made to look the fool with such frequency and in so many ways, if he’ll be able to BUY a shred of cred should he some day be needed at the big boy table. Forget the Hall Of Fame, Kenneth, you may as well start training at the Stevie Richards/Val Venis Academy Of Wrestling.

On the bright side, though, this was a nifty little way to add some zing to the Victoria/Torrie feud, adding Kenny as Victoria’s partner and The Wanger as Torrie’s. Kept to just four-and-a-half minutes, this was fun for what it was and was pretty much what you’d expect, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, taken on an as-is basis. However, considering that JWY and Kenny were used here to further a women’s angle where there isn’t even a women’s title on the entire brand and I think you get what smelled in this segment.

The wrong:

Fresno’s one Indian restaurant is missing its front-of-the-house staff – Khali’s victory celebration was dull, contrived and boring. While I’m all for diversity and such, and, believe me, Indian food has managed to emerge as my favorite cuisine over the last couple years, I love Indian culture in general and the music specifically (as a matter of fact, last week I said the only thing cool about Khali was his weight, I have to amend that statement by including his entrance theme and logo in there, as well), tying Khali to his mother country will just stir up a lot of nationalistic cheap heat; is that the best we can do for the main event war over the WT? And what the hell was Nature’s Little Oopsie wearing around his neck? Really, it makes Hogan’s boas look butch by comparison.

I was not nearly as taken with Khali’s “dancing” as were others. I mean, he CAN’T. Therefore, he shouldn’t have. Here’s the deal. A heel playing for comedy is a sure way to turn such heel face, and we do not want that, do we? A heel trying and failing to dance in the ring will do two things, a) make fans laugh, which we don’t want (we need to fear Khali, not make him a point of Ridicule), and b) make him human, which we also do not want. Khali needs to be the snarling, unslayable, bad ass giant who is positively inhuman, he’s so intimidating. Having him dance, entertaining as it was (to some), made him human, because, for the first time, we could see on his face his reluctance to dance because he knows he can’t (although it never stopped him from “wrestling”…), and that expression of timidity humanizes him, which is BAD. Look, when even Michael Cole feels free to take pot shots (“Hey, look, Khali’s doing the Robot…!”), you’ve made a poor decision.

Thankfully, Batista showed up to break up Dance Party Punjabi to challenge Khali for a solo shot at the belt. I’m not even all that stoked about this turn. Obviously, we’ve met Kane’s contractual obligation for an annual title shot, so he’s out of the picture, and now we have lonely Dave challenging alone. And we’re supposed to believe that Big Dave, who couldn’t even get the job done against Edge with three chances, nor could he manage to unseat Khali with Kane in the same match, now we’re supposed to buy that Big Dave has a chance against Khali one-on-one? Riiiight…

Kane’s Civil War re-enactment – Again, evidence that we’re getting in the habit of deciding which members of the roster we’re NEVER going to push and make high-profile jobbers out of them on a show that now has three main-eventers (while on Raw, Kennedy’s lost in the shuffle and Booker’s being set up to have his entire king gimmick yanked out from underneath him when HHH returns. Still, Vince, you’re the genius *coughyourownkidsaresellingtheirstockinyourcompanycough*).

Kane looks impressive. Taylor is being misused and underutilized the way I regretfully described he would following the prison-shower butt-rape (you know, the draft). Keep Kane strong = good. At Taylor’s expense = bad.

Jesse & Festus – Okay, I’m officially over these two. I’ll wipe clean the slate when they debut in the ring and I have a whole new facet of their gig to consider. For now, though, I am so done with these vignettes. The face of a real American? Maybe so…like, Hogan fans in the Red states…yeah, I’d buy that.

The Ridiculous:

Being kind – Uhm…nothing…?

Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]

RAW 7.30.07:

The Right:

Opening Promo segment – Overall I liked the opening promo segment. I will say that if there is another one next week I will put it in purgatory because I am sick and tires of them, but it was good. Cena was on fire and is just clicking right now. Carlito then came out and was, Carlito and the Cabana is apparently back. They had a wacky segment and then Ken Kennedy came out. Kennedy and Carlito began to bitch and Cena walked away and proclaimed that Orton was the #1 CONTENDER because he earned it. Not because he beat Cena three years ago and then did jack shit since like Carlito, and not because he has a magic microphone drop from the ceiling. Basically, Cena told them to man the fuck up. Out of this we got Lashley vs. Kennedy and Carlito vs. Cena. That worked.

Cody Pays his dues… – Acting GM Jonathan Coachman met with young Cody Rhodes this week. We got highlights of Dusty getting his ass beat by Orton as Cody had to watch on. Coach says that to stay on Raw you had to be a winner (What about Val?) Cody was 0-2 and if he didn’t win a match tonight, he was finished on Raw. Cody walked away a motivated man. His opponent would be Sean Daivari’s New Body, who is still looking well. He and Cody had a very good match for 2-minutes and Cody got the win. Cody has a lot, a lot of potential. Just the walk to the ring is tremendous. He will eventually make an awesome heel, you can just tell. He has a lot of Dusty-isms in him and there is nothing wrong with that. He is off to a good start, I am just very curious to see where the booking goes.

Umaga kills Sargento Mozzarella – While the ladies match was bad, the after match was nothing but glorious. When we shot back from commercial Sargento was in the ring and complaining about the cheating in the WWE. As he was laying the blame on the ref, UMAGA came out to the ring. Sargento begged off and said he had no issues with him. The referee kindly asked for the microphone and then he became my favorite person for about 60-seconds. He rang the bell and Umaga proceeded to kick the ever-living shit out of Sargento, again. THIS WAS GLORIOUS! Sargento took his ass kicking and Umaga may be looking to turn face with Jeff Hardy getting some time off. I approve of Umaga killing Sargento each and every week.

Holy Shit, Kennedy won a match! – An amazing thing happened Monday night, and while it was due to injury, it was still an amazing thing. Ken Kennedy won a big time, high profile match on Monday Night Raw. After weeks of killing any and all momentum he had, with Bobby Lashley going down with injury Ken Kennedy will benefit from it. They had a fine bout here, and Kennedy’s work of the shoulder was nice stuff. Lashley sold well and it was not only believable but just plain well executed. In the end I will totally agree with JD when he said, “Good psychology. It could have been longer, though, to get some heat on the finish. It got Kennedy over as a cerebral and vicious competitor.” I do understand they were limited on time due to the injury, and a bit more time would have heated things up, but it worked really well. It is just a shame that an injury had to be the catalyst for him getting the momentum back, but then again, karma and all.

puRgatory:

The Royal Battle – And here it came, the battle of the titans, the royal battle for the true king; King Booker vs. Jerry “You Can’t Convict Me” Lawler. They started with the obvious Lawler stalling, which is a good thing mind you. They then got into a battle of pugilism, fisticuffs if you will. And yes, this is where I remind you that Lawler throws better punches than 90% of the roster. They battled, the straps came down and it was rocking.

But…

Yeah, there is always a, “but” isn’t there? They did the DQ finish to the match, which just really turned me off. I dug the build and was all set for the match and domination by Booker and then next week would be the royal celebration. But it was all for naught! The after match was solid with Booker being totally crazy, and then screaming “I’m the king of the world!” in Lawler’s face. Hopefully the follow up next week is good, and then when he does do a royal celebration, the “King of Kings” returns to challenge for his throne. I’ll have to wait and see, so this week it shall go here.

The Wrong:

Cryme Tyme – Cryme Tyme returned to Raw this week with no fanfare and no reminder that they won a tag team title shot all the way back in January or so. They had a match with some job guys from the area, which was sloppy, even for just over a minute and they won. After the match, in a segment that seemed to last 15-minutes, Cryme Tyme sells the boots of one of the jobbers to a guy in the audience. It would have been a decent gag if it had been shorter, but it just seemed to last forever and did nothing for. The other bad part about the match was that the next day I totally forgot about the match, it didn’t even register that they were back and that is not a good thing. Blah.

The Ridiculous:

Cena vs. Carlito – You know, I was about to put this into the wrong this week, but I am actually so pissed off that I will put this in the ridiculous. Last week I had this to say: I have written about this before, and I have to touch in it again. I am sick and tired of the Adventures of Super Cena. There is one thing to slaying the giant. It’s another thing to fend off numerous foes as they try to disrupt a match. But it is another thing to constantly win in handicap situations. I hated the end to this week’s show. He survives Umaga, who then gets chased away and then, easier that an elementary arithmetic exam he defeats the WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ALL BY HIS LONESOME. I hate this shit. He doesn’t look any better and they look horrible. Here’s some free advice WWE, maybe if you humanize Cena a little bit, show some vulnerability, people will be even more into him. Example, Khali feud. Cena takes a beating, people even more into him, HUGE POP when he finally slays THE BEAST. I say this; yet again, it will not hurt him losing a handicap match, ESPECIALLY when part or the whole of the team are the OTHER CHAMPIONS! I was enraged over this because it is the normal. But this week, he gets distracted and eats a lung blower and is pinned? WOW. Great job, you have again buried your tag team champions so Carly Jabrone can attempt to look credible. Now I know someone will email me and say, but Csonka, last week you said, “Cena is bullet proof, he will be fine and maybe, just maybe you’ll get some other people over as well! WHAT A CONCEPT~! I know they know this too, but they get tunnel vision sometimes and then forget about everyone else.” I applaud them for trying to do just what I said, but when you have again, as I said, buried the tag team champions, it doesn’t mean shit. it is amazing how I can love and then hate the same show at times.

Ladies 6-Man Tag – As much as I have liked some of the recent ladies matches, I have to say that this week’s match was atrocious. They were missing spots left and right and there were times that they almost hurt each other. I really hope that this will be an anomaly and not the normal, because if so Divas will be dropping quicker than Vince’s pants in a booking meeting. Also, while Melina does need work, Maria was a total sore thumb out there. She does not need to be wrestling week in and week out. Send her to OVW or Florida to work on it first because she is horrendous. Let’s just hope that things get better, because this was scary bad.

Snitsky – “I do not now, nor will I ever give a flying fuck about Snitsky. I appreciate the attempted make over, but no amount of squashes will make me consider him a threat, or even a good wrestler, and I am not talking about in ring technique per say, the overall package is what I mean. As I have written, maybe if they would have started with him doing squashes at the beginning I could have gotten into this. Or maybe if he had never been brought up to the main roster when he was and he debuted now I could get into the character, but I just can’t do it. He doesn’t look scary really, just ugly with bad steroid acne. I am not buying him as a threat, I am not buying the character. He is there because he is big, Afa trained him and Vince has his fetish. I expect a world title run or main event push for him, joy.”

ECW 7.31.07:

The Right:

Morrison’s 15-Minutes of Fame/Main Event Set Up/Main Event Match – ECW once again opened up with John Morrison and his 15-minutes of fame. He is so trying to be Jim Morrison and that is not a bad thing. The promo, while still very scripted feeling, was much better again this week and Morrison is definitely improving. That is also a very good thing. He has the tools; it is just a matter of getting everything to work together. So he called for Arizona’s greatest athlete and ran down Leinhart and Johnson, and then JOEY RYAN’S PORN STASH came to the ring! He got beat in about 30-seconds and it was great. Morrison then said he would take on anyone, and ECW Original Tommy Dreamer hit the ring, and stated that he wanted to be ECW champion again and could beat Morrison. This brought out young Elijah he said that Morrison needed a real and skilled challenger. Finally CM Punk came out and demanded one more title shot, and if he didn’t win he would never challenge Morrison again. Morrison, who had just wrestled “a grueling match” said that they should have a triple threat match, and the winner would NOT get an ECW title match, but a 15-Minutes of fame match for a CHANCE at the ECW title. Oh that sneaky bastard Morrison, they agreed and shit was on for the main event.

I dug the added stuff to hype the match as well. The CM Punk video package outing his straight edge bullshit over, the video for Dreamer putting over his intense ECW career and the young Elijah promo all added to this very well. A good opening segment and follow up, it was simple and effective, you cannot ask for much more than that. This was simple and effective, the best way to do things.

Finally in this HUGE right, for the week was the main event match. This was a really fun, well-paced and well-worked 11-minute or so main event. All three guys looked good through out the match, they all got chances to shine and the crowd was into the match and digging it. It is amazing that when they finally decided to take the time, with videos and a few clean wins, that they have made Dreamer a contender and a believable one. You’re welcome. Anyway this was good stuff, and as expected Punk got the win and will go onto face Morrison next week. My only real issue was that CM Punk pinned Elijah Burke again, which we’ll talk about later.

STEVIE WINS AGAIN~! – Last week the impossible happened as Stevie Richards got a win on TV over Kevin Thorn. Thorn, obviously pissed off demanded the ECW standard of re-matching right away and they faced off again this week. Thorn was brutalizing him for a good part of the bout, but Stevie got the sneaky roll up again and STEVIE WINS, STEVIE WINS, STEVIE WINS! Glorious. Dunn says it looks like a 1-2-3 Kidd makeover, and if so, that’s fine with me. As far as I am concerned Stevie deserves this push and face time on TV. I just hope that they let it develop. He isn’t getting great pops right now, but they are interested in him. Let him have a chance to develop in front of the people and they will cheer. Also, as much as I did like Thorn, he has really fallen with out Ariel and any real direction; so I am all for Stevie beating him continually. Hopefully Stevie moves on next week to someone else.

Big Daddy V – This week we once again saw the Big Daddy V squash hour. This time, ala Andre, he brought it up to 3-men, as last week’s two jobbers were not enough. And once again, Big Daddy was totally dominating in a fun squash. I was actually ready to place this in purgatory this week due to seeing the same old squash, but then, El Hombre de Boogey made his return. El Hombre de Boogey is obviously looking for revenge against Big Daddy V and guess what? We have another real feud. It sure the hell isn’t pretty, but it is a feud and Big Daddy V has been on a roll so I am with it 100%. El Hombre de Boogey had a slightly different look this week, as it appeared as if he shaved his eyebrows off. Between he and Snitsky they are very into their characters and seem to go the extra mile, which is good. It’s just a shame that they suck ass in the ring.

puRgatory:

NADDA~!

The Wrong:

The Adventures of Miz and the Expose – The Nitro Girls 2k7 were out to dance again this week, they suck at dancing but Brooke and Layla still look tremendous. And then they disappointed me again as they announced their boy the Miz. Miz came out, he talked, and I didn’t care. He then had a really bad match with Balls Mahoney. Balls is no Steamboat but he normally has fine matches. This sucked. I was actually digging Miz on Smackdown before the draft, but now I cannot stand him. And I mean that in the, “I want to change the channel when I see him” kind of way.

The Ridiculous:

Young Elijah Burke: CM Punk’s Personal Bitch – Does it bother anyone else that Elijah Burke has become CM Punk’s personal bitch? If we just look at things since the beginning of the year, it would look like this:

–January 23rd 2007: Punk defeats Burke
–May 20th 2007: Punk defeats Burke
–June 3rd 2007: One Night Stand: Punk, Sandman and Dreamer defeat Burke, Striker and Cor Von
–June 26th 2007: 2 of 3 Falls Match: Punk defeats Burke
–July 17th 2007: Punk defeats Burke
–July 31st 2007: Punk pins Burke in a three-way match

Burke’s only win came on May 29th in an Extreme Rules match with help from Marcus Cor Von. Poor young Elijah. This once again goes back to the argument I had about them not booking the brand effectively and the fact that they could have used an extra body or two in the draft. Unfortunately, the one proclaimed by Vince himself “new face of ECW” is nothing but a JTTS’s right now. What a bunch of shit.

From Adam on XXX –

I thought the same thing about the stipulation being in effect, but someone on another message board said that they explained the situation on TNA Today (their internet show). I looked it up and it’s towards the beginning of the 7/19 episode of it.

From Scott, on XXX as well –

What’s up Larry? I believe you’re one of the select few writers on 411 that hasn’t received an email from me before, and if you have it’s been ages. Ironically, I read your columns more than anybody elses.

On to my point.

The XXX never tagging again stipulation had been bugging me as well. I originally chalked it up to 3 years being the same as forever in the pro wrestling universe, but on TNA Today (not…TNA today as in..today..but the web show) they explained why they were allowed to tag again. Apparently TNA released Elix Skipper (I do remember this vaguely) and when he was signed again, he had a clause in his contract for “no restrictions”, meaning he was able to tag with Daniels again. Add to the fact that Low Ki/Senshi wasn’t involved with XXX when the ban happened, and it makes sense. I believe it’s a weak excuse, but at least they offered one instead of ignoring the past.

Good column as always.

And here is the video of that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8_zhnXfUC0 The only problem is that not everyone watches TNA Today, I barely have time to.

From another Adam –

Hey Larry I wanted to write in with some thoughts on Impact for the 4 R’s. I thought yesterday’s episode was really good and just plain fun. Angle at the “shrink” with Nash being revealed as the guy he was talking to was great. The promo by Scott was really great and it was nice seeing the fan reaction to the story. That truly is one of the nastiest scars I’ve ever seen. I’d just watched the MCMG’s vs. Briscoe’s match yesterday while I taped Impact. So it was cool seeing them vs. LAX in a pretty good match. For my money it was the best hour of wrestling on TV yet this week, Smackdown is about to be watched. But I’m really not digging the Great Khali with the belt.

From Aaron on Steiner’s promo –

I loved the promo Scott Steiner cut. He was always good, in a sort of less-confusing Ultimate Warrior kinka way (i.e. amusing) but sometimes he would say some crazy shit that just made me know that I’m scared just not sure why.

Seriously, that thyroid comment almost killed me while I was taking a drink. But he actually seemed humble and somewhat “real human”. I’m actually kinda stoked about what could come from this. I really do think he could be a top face, tag team or single.