The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 09.13.07

Rock & Roll

WWE News

WWE Fans Get Hornswoggled
Vince’s Bastard Son Shocks [Most of] The World

Who says professional wrestling can’t be educational? Just this week on RAW, for example, the latest development in WWE’s biggest angle helped wrestling fans the world over to learn a *great* new vocabulary word — perfect for an S.A.T. test ;).

In case you missed it, courtesy of the American Heritage Dictionary:

Horn·swog·gle (verb) – To swindle, cheat, hoodwink, or hoax. To bamboozle; deceive. To deprive of by deceit.

“He swindled me out of my inheritance”; “She defrauded the customers who trusted her”; “the cashier gypped me when he gave me too little change.”

In layman’s terms?

Wrestling fans expecting a major payoff to the McMahon/paternity storyline got got “Hornswoggled” this week on RAW when Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son was revealed to be none other than Smackdown’s Cruiserweight Champion, the artist formerly (and perhaps once more) known as the “Little Bastard.” Now of course, since the little guy isn’t exactly tailor-made to main-event a major program… it’s understandable that many an IWC-naysayer has already come out in vocal opposition to this new development. After all, if the plan for the angle was to blow things off with a major WrestleMania showdown between Vince’s bastard son and another WWE headliner (as was long rumored to have been the plan, especially when Mr. Kennedy was in the picture), then you can understand why a few folks mighta’ been felt that the payoff to this angle came up kinda…(pardon the pun) “short” of expectations.

All that said —

I for one am thoroughly pleased with the surprise that WWE served up on Monday’s show, and I am more than happy to admit that I was among the ***MANY*** folks who guessed wrong in predicting how this angle would play out. Yeah, things might not have turned out exactly as we’d anticipated. But if it *was* revealed that Triple H was the mystery son (as I’d suspected) — then fans would pretty much have been stuck with the better part of SIX WHOLE MONTHS of the same guy being involved in *THE* (long-sounding “eee”) biggest and longest-running storyline right up through WrestleMania 24 on March 30. Worse than that, if the mystery kid wound up being another real-life “non-McMahon” with a history of — ahem — “Wellness” issues (e.g. — Kennedy, Sabu, RVD, etc. as many had suggested), if the next ’round of suspensions between now and April put one of those guys on the bench for the better part of a month or two… WWE would be forced to “scrap and scramble” yet ANOTHER big angle’s payoff in order to maintain momentum leading up to the big dance at the end of March.

Not a good thing.

Given the circumstances, Hornswoggle is a perfect choice. After a month-plus of living in limbo, the paternity angle needed a major development in order to keep fans’ interest. Hornswoggle fit the bill, as fans can now look forward to (at least) a few weeks/months of the inevitable hijinx between the Chairman and the clone… err, “little person.” Plus, if ratings sag over the next few weeks and/or fans still want a major WM payoff to this storyline come November, WWE can always re-write a NEW twist to the angle (and bring in the “real” illegitimate child) once the Hornswoggle-as-Mini-McMahon stuff has run its course.

Until then? WWE can keep things light (midgets > incest… ESPECIALLY while WWE wades through the next round of Congressional hearings and media scrutiny), and bide their time to give a bona-fide full-time competitor the rub a few months closer to the “grandest stage of them all,” WrestleMania 24 at the end of March.

Kudos to WWE for keeping (most of) us guessing, and bravo to all parties involved for swerving the bulk of their audience with a pleasant (and lighthearted) surprise.

WWE Releases The Sandman
ECW Original Canned on Tuesday

In a move that many considered something of a mild surprise, ECW Original “The Sandman” was released by WWE earlier this week. Commenting on his MySpace page about the incident several days later, Sandman had this to say about his WWE release:

Hey people, this is The Sandman. I think now that all of you have heard about World Wrestling Entertainment releasing me from my contract. Please, I have recieved emails and comments with hurtful things to the WWE such as not watching their programs and doing stuff to them where they lose a fan base…PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING HARMFUL TO THE WWE. I am VERY upset about my release but I am even more upset if you guys take it out on them. I have a great attitude towards WWE, Vince McMahon, Stephanie, HHH, and Johnny Ace…I will make damn sure I am back in the WWE one day. WWE treated me well, I had a great time on WWE Raw and on ECW on SciFi…I loved every moment of it and the wrestling business is and has always been one big family combined with entertainment purposes. I appreciate all of your messages and all and I can not thank you guys enough! I will be back in WWE one day again…count on it.

Now then —

The reason why many are viewing Sandman’s release as somewhat surprising is because the ECW Original was recently pegged as being a “true company man” and something of a Vinny Mac favorite behind the scenes. He showed up early, he willingly put other wrestlers over, he remained popular with the fans, and he stayed out of trouble with Wellness and McMahonagement.

Of late, however, new reports had also surfaced that Sandman might be seen as something of a liability to WWE whilst they wade through the kangaroo-court-quagmire of a Congressional investigation. First there was that whole “lady sues WWE and The Sandman” lawsuit nonsens. And then, of course, there was that pesky matter of a Congressional hearing on tap for the wrestling business at large on the very near horizon. After all, trotting out a boozing, smoking derelict of a character on the flagship broadcast doesn’t exactly convince naysayers that WWE is “drug free and proud,” ya’ know?

REGARDLESS —

Sandman seems understandably “upset” (as he says), but ultimately he appears to be taking things pretty darned professionally just the same. At forty-plus, odds of him ever returning to a WWE ring as a regular, full-time performer probably aren’t all that great… but for a limited-run/ “cameo” schedule some time on down the road after the Congress broohaha blows over? Most definitely a possibility, as he still has plenty of supporters both on the roster *and* in the WWE locker room.

In the mean time — don’t cry for Sandman, folks. He was thrilled to sign a one-year-deal with WWE last summer when the ECW revival was announced, he made it clear from day one that he “knew his role” in the newly-ressurected brand from day one, and he was more than happy to be a model employee (and take a few losses, if need be) so long as it meant that he’d be on the receiving end of a healthy-sized WWE paycheck for a guaranteed 365. Sandman was never all that much of a wrestler to begin with (but unlike so many others –coughGoldberg– he was honest and aware of his limitations), and he did quite alright for himself over the past 18 months as he approached his WWE tenure with a savvy, professional, and realistic understanding of the company’s expectations for him from the word “go.”

Nice work by Sandman. Sucks to see him go, but he wasn’t really doing all that much when it comes right down to it; once the latest round of Wellness infractions was sorted out, it’s a pretty safe guess that his days were numbered just the same. Here’s hoping that he left WWE on good enough terms for both sides to consider working together some time in the future (as the case appears to be). Even if it’s only for the sake of a DVD set or a WWE Legends contract on down the line, MeeThinks Sandman’s done right by WWE and there’s no reason to think that they too won’t eventually do right by him in return.

Speaking of exits…

Booker T Suspended, Considering Retirement
Wellness Infraction Benches Former Champ so King Serves WWE Notice

This one has been constantly evolving over the past week or so, but the long and short of it goes something like the following:

1) Booker T’s WWE contract was set to expire within a few weeks to begin with.
2) Booker had invested his money well, and was considering retirement.
3) WWE offered him a sweet deal with plenty of perks if he’d reconsider.
4) Booker T reconsidered, and was close to signing on the dotted line.
5) The Signature Pharmacy steroid scandal broke, and Booker was among the guilty talents.
6) To save face before Congress, WWE had no choice but to suspend Booker T.
7) Booker said “thanks, but no thanks” and told WWE he was done altogether.
8) WWE said “take some time to think this over” (i.e. – the length of the suspension).
9) Both sides are “thinking things over,” but no word yet on any definite decision.

10) That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok then, so — bottom line here is that I can see both sides.

For Booker, this is just the latest in a line of frustrations. First WWE opted to open a developmental territory in Florida (thus snubbing his wrestling school in Houston). Then he got swapped from Smackdown! to RAW (and was “ready to quit” if he were reassigned to ECW). And now, receiving a suspension (rumored to be his second) for buying LEGAL pharmaceuticals from a LEGAL online vendor probably ruffled a few of his royal feathers… and understandably so.

But for WWE —

The company simply couldn’t afford to turn a blind eye to ANY shady business that was even remotely associated with drugs, supplements and steroids (again, understandable in light of current circumstances) no matter how quote-unquote “legal” a retailer might (not) be — and so they really had no choice *but* to tell Booker he was out for doping. Again. Guaranteed the company didn’t want to do it, either, as they knew darned well that Booker was already second-guessing his option to re-sign with WWE to begin with (word has it that his hip hip clothing store is doing great business in Houston, and that his wife, Sharmell Sullivan, has just about completed her law degree — and so money wasn’t really the issue in all of this). But in the end, especially with Congress breathing down their necks, WWE officials simply did what they had to do.

All in all?

On the surface, I’ll be the first to say that it’s pretty lame that Booker T is willing to “do the crime” (doping/supplements), but is ready to up and leave once he’s forced to “do the time” (even if WWE wasn’t really all that keen on suspending him in the first place). However, given the fact that Booker was already hesitant to stay in the ‘rasslin biz even *before* all of this story broke… MeeThinks it might actually be best for all parties involved if EVERYBODY just let the Booker fiasco simmer for the next month or so. This way, they can deal with other — and more immediate — headaches for the time being, all while leaving the door open to revisit the situation once the Congressional hearings have come and gone. Thirty to sixty days from now, wrestling types should have a *much* clearer picture of what long-term effects the Congressional investigation is going to have, folks from both sides of the table will have had some time to consider *all* their options, and cooler heads can prevail.

‘Till then — if Booker’s done with WWE, then so be it. Yes, he’s a ring veteran. And yes, he was on par to become one hell of a road agent/color commentator on down the road — but “never say never” in this wacky world of pseudo combat. So long as folks keep their tempers and hold their tongues over the next few months, I see no reason why this all can’t be sorted out to by the time January rolls around.

In a related story —

Ric Flair Quits WWE?
Nature Boy and WWE Renegotiating a Possible Swan Song

I’m sure you’ve heard this one in dribs and drabs over the past few weeks as well, but on the off chance that you haven’t:

1) Take the Booker T story and replace “Booker T” with “Ric Flair.”
2) There you have it.

The short form of this one is that Flair has been increasingly frustrated with the lack of push and direction he’s been receiving since swapping to WWE’s blue brand earlier this summer, and that he’s been all the more put off by the lack of communication he’s been receiving from the WWE front office along the way. As a result, he tendered his resignation sometime during the last week of August, and both sides have been dancing around the issue in an attempt to work things out before setting anything in stone.

What’s the outcome?

Nothing yet, but what we’ve seen here is that Flair pretty much had just one card in the deck left to play when it came to gaining any leverage against WWE (namely, “do something with me or I’m outta’ here”. He played it, they called his bluff, and now both sides’ cards are on the table as they try to get things sorted out so The Nature Boy can ride out the duration of his WWE contract and “go out the right way,” likely sooner than later. Until then, file this story in the “still developing” folder — and we’d be well served to save our excitement and disappointment until an official headline on WWE.com announces something to the effect of “we wish Ric Flair the best in his future endeavours.”

Before we leave this story, however — I’ll meld one final aspect of it with TNA’s major announcement for the week.

TNA News

TNA iMPACT! Expands to 2-Hours
Company’s Flagship Show Earns Double the TV Time Beginning Oct. 4

In case you missed the big news coming out of last week’s “No Surrender” ppv was that TNA iMPACT! was expanding to a two-hour-broadcast beginning on October 4. Obviously, this is a huge accomplishment for the upstart company, and one that has sent wrestling fans the world over into a fervor over the possibilities that such a move might mean.

To that end —

I’d like to offer a quick word of caution to the TNA fans who’d LOVE to see Flair make the jump to WWE’s biggest rival in time for their scheduled two-hour television debut next month: RIC FLAIR IS NOT THE ANSWER. Sure, seeing The Nature Boy make a debut on TNA programming would undoubtedly make for some “must-see” television on the night of that first supershow. But after that? Flair is pushing sixty years old, folks.. and a “lightened” TNA schedule or not, the guy simply isn’t the type of performer you want to build an entire roster around at this stage in his career. Three main reasons for that:

1) YES, Ric Flair can still bust out a tremendously entertaining affair when paired with the right opponent (his TLC bout against Edge from last year comes to mind). But he’s also liable to some serious injury these days, and more than a few of his recent matches against the “wrong” opponents have been pretty spotty at best, and downright bad at worst.

2) The bottom line is that for his debut to mean anything, wrestling fans simply won’t accept a legend of Ric Flair’s caliber to be anything less than a main eventer. But TNA already has enough trouble getting their homegrown talents into the main event the way it is. Adding another semi-regular/WWE-expatriot/etc. to the main-event-mix is just one more talent standing in the way of title matches for guys like AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Robert Roode, Chris Harris, and the rest of the gang.

3) When Luger, Hall and Nash jumped to WCW, it was in the era before the internet and very few fans had so much as a clue as to what would happen next. Nitro was live whereas RAW was taped, and WCW had the element of surprise working in their favor. Flash forward a decade or so later, and the tables are turned. Now it’s WWE who offers up the live, weekly programming, whereas their biggest rival tapes two weeks’ worth of TV (or more) a number of days in advance. Bottom line — especially with spoilers being so readily apparent thanks to the world wide web — in order for new fans to buy into the TNA product, the company is going to have to offer a lot more with their programming than “see what guy you already knew that WWE fired or let go will turn up on our show next! Then see which of our homegrown guys he’ll beat while he’s at it!”

Yes, adding a second hour of programming will alleviate *SOME* of TNA’s problems — but it’s not a magic reset button for all of the company’s shortcomings. Smart booking and new stars are a MUST for any wrestling promotion to succeed, and while established talents (and bona-fide LEGENDS like Flair) most definitely have their place. Buy loading up your show with a roster dominated by recently-released WWE alum after WWE alum isn’t doing much to establish your company as an “alternative to WWE” or as a viable, separate entity unto itself.

Yes, “controversy creates cash.” But shock value is short-lived, and if you don’t have solid booking and exciting NEW performers to keep fans’ interest, you’re right back where you started once the initial buzz over the latest signee dies down. Headliners like Angle, Christian and Sting did little to budge ratings and buyrates in the long haul — and if you want long-term success and staying power and not just short-term surprise and excitement? Hate to say it, but Ric Flair just ain’t the answer.

General [Non] Wrestling News
Bill Goldberg Slams Wrestling Companies
Former WCW Champ Says “TNA Blows” and “Doesn’t Deserve” Him

In a radio interview with 105.3FM in Texas on Tuesday afternoon, former WCW champ and part-time television personality Bill Goldberg slammed the two major North American professional wrestling companies, saying that he has ruled out a return to WWE as he doesnt “want to put another penny in Vince McMahon’s pocket,” and that a debut for the E’s closest rival, Total Nonstop Action wrestling, is likewise out of the question, for — as he sees it — “TNA blows” and “doesn’t deserve to have [Goldberg] on their program.” In a separate interview earlier in the week, Goldberg admitted to having used steroids in the past.

Right. Now then… so what have we learned from all this?

a) Bill Goldberg has made it pretty clear that he’s done with pro wrestling.
b) Bill Goldberg *vastly* overestimates his own value.
c) Bill Goldberg says he used steroids as if this news was a surprise to anyone.
d) Bill Goldberg is a windbag who could care less about the wrestling business.

Time’s up — pencils down folks.

Your answer?

e) All of the above, and wrestling fans should stop reporting on Goldberg-related stories. If the guy doesn’t care about the business, he’s more than content to burn bridges with major wrestling promotions, he’s not getting any younger, and he simply doesn’t ever plan on coming back in the future… let’s just save ourselves the headaches and ignore all future Goldberg-related stories from here on out, yes?

Was he good at what he did? No question.

Is there a place for him in the current landscape of North American professional wrestling? Maybe, with some work and if ALL parties involved showed some willingness to compromise. But…

Is it worth pursuing the guy any further if his heart simply ain’t in the wrestling biz (and some might argue that it really never was in the first place)?

Sorry, but no freakin’ way. Time to move on, sports fans.

“So long and thanks for all the fish,” Bill. Don’t let the door hit ‘ya where the Lord split ‘ya.

The MeeThinks Pay Per View Tracker

As y’all know, WWE’s September PPV “Unforgiven” is this weekend. But here’s a fun little deja vu factoid — I’m currently watching AFI’s Top 100 Films in reverse order (from 100 to 1) thanks to the Blockbuster month pass, and what movie showed up in my mailbox this weekend? Why it was none other than #68, the Clint Eastwood shoot-em-up Western classic, UNFORGIVEN. Pretty cool, eh? Maybe it’s a sign!

WWE New Year’s Revolution – N/A
TNA Final Resolution – 3/7
WWE Royal Rumble – 2/5
TNA Against All Odds – 2/9
WWE No Way Out – N/A
TNA Destination X – 4/9
WWE WrestleMania 23 – 4/8
TNA Lockdown – 7/9
WWE Backlash – 2/6
TNA Sacrifice – 5/9
WWE Judgment Day – 5/7
WWE One Night Stand – 7/8
TNA SlammiVersary – 3/8
WWE Vengeance – 8/9
TNA Victory Road – 5/7
WWE Great American Bash – 7/8
TNA Hard Justice – 4/9
WWE Summerslam – 4/7
TNA No Surrender – 6/8

Cumulative Total: 79/132
Percent Correct: 59.85%

Booya! Easily my best TNA showing this year (if you don’t count Lockdown, which I don’t simply because I’m not a fan of the all-cage-gimmick PPV), and so I’m happy to say that MeeThinks are just shy of a cumulative 60% correct for 2007. Let’s see if this weekend’s WWE supershow can finally put Mee over the big six-o.

The Redneck Wrecking Crew retain, Candice retains, Deuce ‘n Domino for the win, Triple H over Carlito, the Dead Man over the Silverback, Punk retains, Khali retains, Cena retains.

YouThinks Reader Mail

Mike is a fellow Disney fan, and so he gets top-billing:

Nice column. glad that someone else can admit to liking Disney…Ill b back for the 17th time in 2 wks. But i dont have a black wrestling shirt.. thinking about the Wrestlemania trip to Orlando. And Ive been there w family, solo,friends…and 3 diff wives, 1 of who still works there.

I guess your logic on Triple H makes sense, as I dont think he will be going anywhere.

later
– Mike

Good to see another Disney fanatic in the mix, Mike! I’ve never been to the ‘World with a wife, but I *have* caught up with four different girlfriends whilst in WDW. It *is* the “Happiest Place on Earth,” ya’ know 😉

Andy Clark is a Disney buff as well, so he goes next:

Hey man,

Glad to see I’m not the only Mouseketeer around here. I was raised in a very pro-Disney household (my Mom is obsessed) and Disney and wrestling are really my two great loves in life. My folks are heading down for Mickey’s Not-so-Scary Halloween Party in about a month, I’m definitely jealous. I’m making the trip in March, though, so at least there is that. I’ll definitely have to be on the look out for the “Hidden Good Ole JR’ when I go! Your last observation about Stitch being the John Cena of WDW is awesome too, as I’m a HUGE fan of both. Very appropriate. Can’t say I agree with your opinion of Journey to Imagination (Figment rules!), but still great to have a Disney-file among us.

Hey, while I’ve got you here, are you heading to Cyber Sunday? I didn’t feel like messing with Ticketmaster Saturday morning so I didn’t get them first thing, but it looks like there are still some seats available so I might go. Anyhow, just wondering if you were making the trip. Take it easy, bro.

– Andy Clark

Thanks for writing, Andy. And please don’t take my comments as a knock on Figment — I love the little guy and all, but ever since the re-(re)-theming, his ride simply isn’t the draw that it used to be.

As it stands now, I’m definitely hoping to wrangle some Cyber Sunday tickets out of my better half as something of an early birthday gift. She was thinking of getting us tickets to see “As You Like It” at the Folger instead (and being a massive Shakespeare buff I’ll admit that I’d love to do *both*)… but she’s already given Mee the go-ahead for a PPV splurge to celebrate my 25th (Nov. 5) if we can find seats at a reasonable price. Gotta’ save that extra cash for the next Disney trip when we celebrate my graduation, you know…

(December 13)

And for that *other* trip back to Orlando for that wrestling event the kiddies are buzzing about these days…

(WrestleMania 24: March 30)

Enough about that, though… sounds like CMV is a big time Dineyholic as well, and he scores bonus points for obscurity:

You continue to be the best wrestling columnist on 411, and one of the more clever folks that I read throughout the whole of the Intertubes.

However, I take the slightest umbrage with one of your statements from this week’s column…

5) If you think WWE is alone in “rewriting the history books” and erasing all memories of Chris Benoit, you may be comforted to learn that the E is most certainly not alone in distancing themselves from missteps of the past. Case in point: not a single item of “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” merchandise in all of Disney World — and poor old Milo Thatch never even killed his family.

Whereas I fully agree with this statement, try getting a Disney Cast Member to admit anything about the proposed David Copperfield restaurant at DIsney MGM Studios. Now THAT’s difficult!

Best,

– CMV

Well called, dude. Of course, come January you’ll be hard-pressed to find a Disney cast member who’s even willing to call that park the “MGM Studios” — but that’s another story for another day. Great call, though!

Jeff Small shows some love for Disney as well, but he’s not so keen on my proposed column name:

Dear Meehan,

If you take the name Friday Free-For-All, I will totally sue you for gimmick infringement. It’ll be the biggest slaughter since the Pandas got the F out!

Anyway, good column like usual and I’m glad you had fun at Disney World.

– Small

Happy with the “Friday Freethinks” instead, Small? I kinda’ like it — both alliterative and wonderfully rhyme-y, if I do say so myself!

Ok, onto some serious wrestling bidniss now, as many of YourThinks this week dealt with the possible payoff to the McMahon paternity angle. First up in that regard, Jeff Bathurst keeps some hope alive for a bait-and-switch on the McMahon paternity payoff:

Hi there!

Good job on who Vince’s bastard might be. But here’s who I think it is:

I still think it’s Mr Kennedy(I’m not sure if he’s suspended but we’ll see monday night). The way I see the story break out is, Triple H might be revealed as Mr Mcmahon’s son but Ken Kennedy will try to prove that he’s the real son and will somehow, find out that Triple H payed someone(probably the guy that came out last week with the message “things are looking up”) to change the DNA because he doesn’t want another wrestler in the family. And all this will lead to the much talked about feud between Kennedy and Triple H.

Also, that story could very well work even if Kennedy is suspended. Let’s say Triple H is revealed as the son, then keep the angle until Kennedy comes back a month later. Kennedy can state that he was gone because he was trying to prove that he was Mcmahon’s bastard son and that he finally came up with the answer, which is Triple H hidding the evidence.

Now what do think about this theory?

Take care!

– Jeff

Love the idea of a future bait-and-switch, Jeff, and like I said above I *definitely* think that the paternity storyline was in some serious need of a “major development” this week if it was to continue holding fans’ interest any longer. However, now that Hornswoggle is in and Hunter is out — WWE might have a bit of a tricky time working *both* Kennedy AND Triple H back into this angle before all’s said and done. Sure, Kennedy can make the case that he’s the rightful heir to the VKM legacy… but if they’re gonna’ throw Trips back into the mix? They’re gonna’ need a more plausible explanation for a WrestleMania showdown than “well ok then, I hate you AND the guy who wants to be your son.”

Regardless, we’ve still got six months and anything can happen, so (as usual) I’m trying to remain cautiously optimistic as we see where this all plays out.

Fellow semi-regular Arturo likewise is in the “It’s Still Kennedy to Me!” school of thought:

my pick for the bastard child is….mr kennedy!!!mcmahon!!

let me explain…..wwe knows that the original plan called for kennedy to be the bastard and it leaked all over the internet.then the scandal about the pharmacy came.so wwe thought ….lets fool everybody thinking that mr kennedy is not the bastard child.how you may ask?as you may remember for the last few editions of raw we saw hhh misbeheaving to say the least.we saw hhh going back to the dx ways.even the same night they said that kennedy wasnt the bastard child.my guess hhh did something to alter the dna test.maybe for him to be the bastard child that way someday his character may take over wwe as a mcmahon.therefore kennedy will fight to prove that he is the bastard.leading to many encounters with hhh .until they settle it in the ring hhh vs kenndy.this way kennedy gets a mega push…maybe even gets to hold gold!!……

-arturo

Good thinking, Arturo. Again, we ran into a bit of a snag now that Hornsoggle’s in and Trips is out (for the time being, at least). But you might be onto something with the “dX antics” being a perfectly logical excuse on down the road as to just how Hunter gets back into this major storyline. Namely, as you said, it could be something as simple as “Triple H switched the test results just to mess with Vince… and Kennedy came back with a vengeance once the truth was revealed.”

Again, it’s kinda soap-opera-y and it may not be perfect or whatnot — but it’s certainly a better premise for a WrestleMania showdown than an ill-fated Japanese shampoo commercial, no?

FalconerRob proves that flattery will get you everywhere:

Hey Dude

Great article as always – you have to be the best writer on 411 right now.

Just been reading through it, and when I read ‘additional clue #1’ (an old star that’ll be making a full-time return to RAW) it suddenly struck me……..

CHRIS JERICHO.

Think about it!

Cliues – 1 Son – tick; 2 – You covered that; tick; 3 – tick; 4 – tick; 5 – CJ hasn’t been such a massive success since leaving the WWE – so returning as Vince’s son would mean things would be ‘looking up’ for him – so tick.

You say Vince wanted to push an incest angle – with the history of CJ and Steph – this would be a way of doing that in a kaybeface way – which given the current situation surrounding wrestling, may be a safer route to take.

From a marks point of view – I think Mr Kennedy was the original idea, but if he had Wellness problems, he had to be replaced. CJ has been a MacMahon loyalist in the media following the Benoit tragedy – and so would be one hell of a choice, and lots of people seem to think he’s on his way back.

Given his history with Steph and HHH, it’d make sense as well.from a storyline point of view.

HHH & Steph versus Vince and Jericho would be pure gold (I can just imagine Vince’s adams apple bouncing up and down as he calls CJ Junior – lol)

Can you just imagine the POP there’d be on Monday night if Vinnie Mac was in the ring with Steph and revealed his child was….. and Y2J’s music hit!

*sigh* Just realised it makes so much sense it could never happen!

But I-thinks it would be awesome.

Keep up the great work.

– Rob.

Thanks for writing, Rob.

Though this week’s developments seem to have put your plans on hold (at least for now), there’s definitely PLENTY of space on the WWE roster these days for a Jericho return. Frankly, because of that fact, I’m almost inclined to say that Y2J doesn’t even *need* a Vinny-Mac tie-in if (when?!) he re-debuts with the ‘E. Thanks to Benoit, Wellness and injuries, wrestling fans have been DESPERATE for a credible main-eventer to shake things up — and MeeThinks a guy like Chris Jericho could easily walk right into a WWE ring today and fans would absolutely welcome him back with open arms and thunderous support. In other words — might just be wiser to let Jericho shine on his own terms and save the VKM rub for somebody who needs the help, ya’ know?

Nuggettard had an EXTREME pick for Vince’s prodigy:

Any chance that it could be Elijah Burke??? He always wears that tape with the writing 4-UP. Vince was drawn to him when he initially put the new breed together, maybe they could play off of that?? They could bring in some Jazz-equivalent, only older, to play the mom, and then send her into the women’s division for losing the lawsuit! Just a theory!

– Nuggettard

Burke is all sorts of awesome, I’ll grant you. But MeeThinks any onscreen rub that he was ever gonna’ get from the Boss pretty much came and went a few months back when Vince dubbed Elijah “the new face of Extreme.” After all, we all know Vince tends to spend most of his time on the company’s bigger, longer, “flagship broadcast” and not always lurking (and inadvertantly stealing television exposure) on the shorter and/or less-watched broadcasts.

Plus, ECW is hurting for main-event baddies (and good-ies) the way it is, and Elijah Burke is about as over on that show as anybody else not named C.M. Punk or Big Daddy V. As a result, I really don’t think we’ll be seeing to much more of The Silver-Tongued Pugilist on the “A” show any time soon 🙁 That said, Elijah is money on the mic and in the ring, and so MeeThinks there are plenty of great things in store for the guy in the years to come — even if he *isn’t* Vinny Mac’s prodigy.

FoxyLoxyLiz had another “extreme” suggestion:

I really cant see it being Triple H being the son. Personally I see it being Sabu since he always “looks up” and points to the heavens when he gets into the ring.

– FoxyLoxyLiz

Sabu, eh? I dunno about that one, as the “Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal Maniac” (eesh — not a great nickname these days in light of Benoit, eh?) was always something of a loose cannon both onscreen and off in just about every major wrestling promotion under the sun, and if WWE has designs on a big-money WrestleMania payoff for the “bastard son” angle… it seems both incredibly risky and woefully ill-advised to invest in a proven liability like Sabu.

But again, as we’ve said before, “never say never” in wrestling, eh?

Joe Osborne thought outside of the box with a pretty unique paternity payoff of his own:

My theory on the son angle, and I think I’m definatley correct…

I was going to compose this letter all fancy, but I’ll just get to the point. The bastard is…..nobody. When Vince steps into the squared circle Monday and “Looks Up” he will be covered in something falling from the ceiling. I’m suspecting tar and feathers, could be green paint. Yes, all an elaborate prank orchestrated by Triple H, and Stephanie McMahon. The story will be that it was Stephanie’s idea to payback her father for the Limo Explosion. This still will lead to a Triple H/Kennedy match, with Vince possibly becoming delusional and naming Mr. Kennedy his son, or openly admitting it would have been him. That’s my theory.

-Joe Osborne

Dang, Joe — that woulda’ been a good one, now that you mention it! Especially if the ‘E was serious about keeping Trips at the center of the story even if he *wasn’t* revealed as the mystery kid.

Ah well, not to be, I guess. But kudos for a clever bait-and-switch just the same!

Semi-regular Manu Bumb agreed with Mee on the Trips pick:

“And finally, it’s been a long-discussed topic that Vince really wanted to push for an incest angle for Steph’s baby back two years or so ago. When she nixed the possibility of HIM (Vince) being revealed as the father, he pushed for SHANE to be the sub (which Steph also nixed). If Triple H is revealed as Vince’s (kayfabe) bastard son, and if the real-life Steph/Hunter union is ever mentioned on TV — Vince gets his incest angle just the same.”

FINALLY. I’ve been saying this since it first started. first of all, it would be kinda kinda funny that HHH fathered his own nephew, PLUS, vince HAS wanted an incest angle for a long time. remember ken and ryan shamrock? wasnt that supposed to have some incest? I don’t know if this is what will happen, but thats my vote for what I would like to see happen.

Of course, with this being the WWE, there’s a good chance they might ignore ALL the clues they’ve laid out and let it be someone that doesn’t fit at all.

– M

Thanks for writing, Manu. Like I said above — perhaps WWE decided to ease up on the incest bid’ness for the time being since they’ve got a ton of *real* drama to deal with thanks to the U.S. Congress. Regardless, you’ve gotta’ give ’em credit for not completely ignoring all of their clues on this one, eh?

RoyalT716 was likewise in the pro-Hunter camp, and added a neat little gem of geography to boot:

I pretty much put together the same clues, but you forgot one very important fact that they could use.

Triple H has always been billed from…… Greenwich, CT

– RoyalT716

Good catch, dude. Unfortunately, the moment on Monday night when they mentioned Triple H as a possible candidate on RAW — I knew for certain that MyThinks from last week were going to turn out dead wrong. After all, every time J.R. counts “one, two… WE’RE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMP!” — you’re pretty much guaranteed to see him proven wrong with a last-second kickout, ya know? As a result, the second they come out on TV and name you-know-who as a “likely suspect” for whatever angle is getting the most air time (mystery driver, mystery tag partner, mystery kid, etc.)… it’s typically been my experience that we should change our bets to somebody else, and fast.

Dave Singh agreed on the Triple H suspicions, and officially wins the award for most clever e-mail I’ve ever received:

Hi Mr Meehan,

Just read your last column, great work again. I was interested that you thought HHH is Vince’s bastard son, the clue with the tron you spotted was interesting. Anyway I thought I would write to you with what I found when I changed around the phrase – “Things are looking up”:

“Triple H a king son”

Interesting don’t you think ?

Thanks for reading this.

-Dave

Holy crap that is phenomenal. Bravo and well done, Dave!

Shame it didn’t pan out that way, but that would have easily gone down in wrestling history as one of the most shrewd and well-placed clues of all time. Then again, it’s often said that wrestling fans ain’t so good at understanding “subtlety,” and that when writing a television show you’ve always got to make sure that even “the dumbest person in the room” (or the guy WAAAAY up in the highest row of bleachers) can still follow along… so perhaps it’s not altogether surprising that they erred on the side of a more literal interpretation, yes?

Tom lends some constructive criticism on MeeThinks from last week’s column:

John,
I just wanted to give some constructive feedback on this week’s column. I REALLY enjoy your column; I look forward to it every Sat. morning.
Having said that, you need to get some accurate reference materials re: anabolic steroids. Arimidex has no relation to HGH, and deca is the most easily tested and least used anabolic by tested athletes. Anyone can take the right ester test and pass a test w/ a few days advance.

Again, this is NOT a flame; I love your column and think that it’d give your critique that much more credence to have good reference/info on doping.

sincerely

-Tom

Appreciate the clarification, Tom. The information I had available to Mee lumped a number of the suspect supplements into the HGH family, and I’m pretty sure that I made it clear that *all* of the substances in question were alike in their short-acting (and easily test-proof) effects — but if I was in any way unclear or oversimplified on that one, your addition is appreciated all the same!

One more flipside on the steroid stuff, from Jim in Mishawaka:

There’s another area of the Entertainment field that probably uses steriods and other drugs for enhancement purposes.
I direct you to the motion picture industry and especially those male actors who are famed for their “action” roles.

Do I even need to mention names like Stallone, Arnold (not ever trying to spell that last name), Willis? Why doesn’t Congress look into this area?

– Jim
Mishawaka Indiana

Great question, Jim. And the long and short of an answer is simply “money.”

Longer answer? Hollywood has money, movie stars have money, directors have money, and the folks who own movie studios have money. With that money comes a number of high-profile friends and a ton of industry clout (as you work your way higher up the ranks) — and so a lot of folks in Tinseltown simply think (as Lindsay Lohan so eloquently put it as she drunkenly stole a car two months ago) “I’m a celebrity! They can’t arrest me!”

I’m not saying that it’s right, I’m just saying that it is. Hollywood is bigger business than wrestling, and rock & rollers, TV, and movie stars make for much better public campaign faces (and backstage supporters) than “roided up gym rats” who play-fight for a living.

Sigh…

Finally, Reggie Thomas had some Thinks to share about a once-promising RAW superstar:

Hey Meehan,
Long time reader, second time writer. I just wanted to know your imput on why Shelton Benjamin isn’t getting a bigger push? I’ve heard about the non-existant promo skills, and the botched moves, but i’ve seen PLENTY of others (Randy Orton, i’m looking in YOUR direction!!!!) botch moves and the english languge worse than Shelton ever did. I personally think one of the main reasons is they dont have a Face Shelton to put over Heel Shelton. What I mean by that is when Shelton was a face, he was the “on my God, this newcomer has beaten Shelton Benjamin!” They did it with Carlito, Trevor Murdoch, and Chris Masters that i know of. Shelton became the mid-card whipping boy who had some title cred. Raw doesn’t seem to have any of those faces any more, Either you are a jobber (Val Venus, Duggan) ,work in progress (Cody Runnels) you are a main eventer who loses to other main eventers (Hardy). What do you think?

– Reggie Thomas

You’re onto something there, Reggie. Ever since John Cena was drafted to RAW some three years back, the red brand has been affectionately known (in the words of Shawn Michaels) as “the snake pit” — a place brimming with baddies and short on heroes, ya’ know? Shoot, minus a brief friendship between HBK and ‘Da Champ (and, of course, Hunter and Shawn’s mini-dX reunion tour) — there really hasn’t been any formidable power block of main-event-heroes to help keep the flagship show on the straight and narrow.

Shelton is a great example of the consequence of this phenomenon, as is Carlito and (to a lesser extent) Chris Masters. All three are midcard heels who shine in one area but who need some serious work in another (Shelton has the skill but no charisma, Carlito has charisma but no motivation, Masters had the look but no skill, etc.), but without a credible babyface foil across the aisle to help ’em step up their games (think N.O.D./dX and The Rock vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley), all we’re really left with is a slew of baddies waiting in line for something to do against a bunch of guys who could use a few wins (Rhodes, Hardy, Lashley).

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here…

Well that’ll do it for Mee this week. Hope you enjoyed the new Friday FreeThinks, and that you are gradually adapting to that “back-to-school” mentality now that September is back in full swing. As for Mee? The quest for the Master’s degree continues — with just two classes, a language test, a comprehensive exam, and 89 days till graduation. Oh yeah, and 90 days till I’m back in Disney!

Have a good weekend. Enjoy the new guy tomorrow and football on Sunday (BIG GAME this week! Go Pats!), definitely do yourselves a favor and pick up a copy of the new Kanye West album if you haven’t already, and always stay positive!

– Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : 1-800-799-SAFE.