The Way I C It 10.08.07 Thanksgiving Unspectacular!

The wrestling world is conspiring against me! I had my music column all ready to go (it’s a good one too!), and then Cena goes and gets hurt, and TNA put on a bonus episode of 2002 Heat on Thursday. No way I can ignore that! Oh, and there’s a PPV tonight. Apparently my round table invite got lost in the mail.

The Way I C Idiot Wannabes Clamouring For Publicity

In minor news, Johnny Fairplay can’t take a bump! From what I could see, Bonaduce didn’t botch the throw (in case you haven’t seen it yet, click here), Fairplay landed badly. Bonaduce has been interviewed basically saying it was a shoot, and there is an investigation of the incident now. Either way, it was pretty darn stupid of Fairplay to jump at a guy and put your hands around his throat, and even dumber of Bonaduce to say in interviews after the fact that you don’t like the guy you just threw over your head. Of course, any publicity is good publicity when you’re a semi-nobody.

Here’s the real question though: How long before WWE does a parody, King mentions it on air, or TNA brings one or both in on contracts? In fact, given that Fairplay was last seen on RoH, would they sink to that level?

The Way U C Me

As expected, I got a significant amount of feedback from last week. A surprising amount was in support of my thoughts, but there was a lot of rabid TNA defence going on too. Most of it was bordering on illiterate and full of unfounded personal attacks (apparently not liking TNA means I prefer the company of men, and that my parentage contains numerous unsavoury adult entertainment professionals), but a couple of people were coherent. From stylesclash107:

Some good points bro, but you forgot an important factor: name value. Nobody’s ever heard of anyone in RoH. TNA started off right by hiring WWE-jects with name value, because it makes people watch. And this is why TNA has a 2 hour TV deal.

Truth. TNA has hired people whose names are recognised. But they have misused them almost criminally. People like Sting, 3D, Old Age Outlaws, Raven and arguably Rhy(i)no and Angle should have been used to put over young, homegrown talent like Styles, Daniels, Abyss, Joe, Killings, heck even Christian. Although Christian is a WWE-ject, he’s been elevated in TNA and is young enough to stay relveant for a good while. Instead, these people have been kept strong, given title runs, and squashed young talent time and time again. Shades of nWo-era WCW, with Hogan holding people down with help from Nash, Jarrett and company, eventually leading to the back-breaking defections of Benoit, Jericho, Guerrero, Malenko and Saturn. None of whom, interestingly, are left on WWE TV. Although that’s likely to have changed by the time you read this. Next, from Byron:

All you need to know about why TNA > ROH can be learned by watching a TNA PPV and an ROH PPV. No comparison.

You’re quite right. There is none. TNA does win this category by far. RoH still leads overall though. I think this is the biggest challenge RoH faces if they want to take the next step: make it look better. They already have the hardcore fans who don’t care how many camera angles there are or how sharp the picture looks. If they want the slightly more casual fan that knows good wrestling but won’t risk eye damage to watch it, they need to improve. Point well taken, sir.

The Way I C The T
BIG 2 HOUR DEBUT! OF DOOM! NEW ERA OF WRESTLING! WE ARE WRESTLING! FEAR US VINCE, WE HAVE A NON-LIVE 2 HOUR SLOT ON A NON-COMPETING NIGHT BARELY CRACKING A 1 RATING! UN!BE!LIEV!ABLE!

Sorry, Don West is contagious.

I tried, people. I really tried. The video package to start the show was promising, at least. There were 16 segments in the show, by my counting. Here’s a blow-by-blow breakdown:

1st segment – So the very first match on your big 2-hour debut contains 2 former WWE stars, one of whom has been on the Tazz diet, which degenerates into a typical Russo clusterfuck with only one TNA product (Abyss) looking any good. There was minimal to know explanation as to why Raven ran in, although there is some old heat there, and less explanation why Abyss would care, and even less for Mitchell coming in. Sting getting involved kind of worked off the Mitchell/Abyss thing, but was really a segue to the next segment. Raven looked cool as Baron Samedi though.

2nd segment – Still no home-grown talent. Oh, and rehashing the Christian/Sting family angle from last year. Let me get this straight. You debut a 2hr show, and your champ is nowhere to be seen? SMELL THE RATINGS!~

3rd segment – TNA home-grown talent (sort of, in Lethal’s case) cutting a meh promo…and getting owned by…you guessed it…WWE rejects, who are not only well past their prime, but not holding any gold. And one of the victims is your X Division champion. Run in by homegrown talent Shark Boy… and he gets killed. The Lethal as Savage thing is starting to outgrow its usefulness, as he sounded a bit off tonight. Pssst X Division…I think Larry wants you over there. He has some healthy fruit snacks for you.

4th segment….still no homegrown talent, unless you count the production guy. This angle would be fine and a good way to build heat, and it plays nicely of the slap thing, except for two things: last week Karen as good as admitted a possible exaggeration, and they just did something similar to this with Christian. If someone who barely watches Impact remembers this, what are the real fans thinking?

5th segment – Finally. Someone who wasn’t made in WWE/WCW. Robert Roode cuts a semi-decent promo, but it really goes nowhere except to tell us where his riches came from. Then they ruin the segment by having two rent-a-blondes fight. This stinks of so much Russo, it is all over you screen. Obscure Kibology reference FTW!

6th segment – Hey look, a match…between 2 former WWE Divas. At least we got a clean finish. And the beating of Gail Kim was done by 2 WWE divas and a new girl. I sense a pattern…

7th segment – The obligatory Cornette’s Office segment. Not even a homegrown star on the screen. Unless you count Borash.

8th segment – More Sting/Angle. Still nothing that TNA created.. But this is not bad build for Bound for Glory.

9th segment, match 3 – I’ll give them Ron Killings as homegrown, even though he was in WWE, he was nothing special until he went south. Pacman is not a wrestler, so he’s a push. But just for fun, they recap the burial of the X Division. 2 heel teams facing off with the winner facing a heel team at Bound For Glory? Zero buys. Ohhhhhhhh they’re turning Team Pacman face. Good use of Pacman without making his limitations obvious. Run in by VKM, Killings gets beat, then here come the Steiners for the save. One homegrown guy, and he gets beat up by two different WWE teams, and saved by another WCW/WWE team. Wonderful. As an aside, monster heels who have spent a couple of weeks destroying your own young talent in the division should not be playing comedy games with a football. It would be like Khali dancing around the ring with a lei…oh crap.

10th segment – Raven being gold. But he was made in ECW and then WWE. And they make a Monster’s Ball for BFG, with one TNA Original. Mesias, I presume, was supposed to be there, possibly instead of Raven. We were never told that Mesias is even injured or why he is missing. The way this match has been built, we have no idea if it’s four corners, triple threat, tag…Mesias might show up in a run in I guess, but that would be stup…never mind, Russo’s booking it.

11th segment – Gauntlet, aka get everyone on air. Fun little match, won by an over face…THIS should have led off the show. All homegrown, mostly young guys, good action. More of this would help TNA catch RoH for the 2 spot. As it stands, this just made the second hour look like a different show. It was also full of personal markout moments: JIMMY RAVE!~, Embassy reunion, Lance Hoyt and Robert Roode showing they’re not just hosses… but what the heck is up with that dumb hand gesture by MCMG? I’d like to see a MCMG/Rave and Hoyt feud out of that much though.

12th segment – Apart from explaining Tomko’s absence, the point of that was? No build, no purpose, no buys. Tomko’s line about champions having to defend in case Christian had forgotten was funny though. And it was followed by a great Ultimate X package. Too bad the match itself has no heat.

13th segment – Sting/Angle again. This is too much,.switch it a little guys…

14th segment – Hype for Joe vs Christian. This was fine.

15th segment – Main Event. An awesome match, one of the best free TV matches I’ve seen on Impact. Someone really should get Don West an inhaler, or get a second commentator for the second hour, I don’t think his lungs can handle it. He was wheezing pretty heavy throughout the match. It was very distracting. Only 2 imports in the match, and one of those was Christian who has been elevated well in TNA. The Kishi driver made me mark out. I missed that move. Good finish with everyone getting their moves broken up or countered until Joe went over Senshi, which was also the right way to end the match. Russo did NOT book this.

16th and final segment – The Angle payoff. He legitimises the stalking and it makes sense, until he runs after the kid and gets in his face, the kid attacks Kurt with the car door, and we fade to black with sounds of scuffling. So now it’s OK to assault minors? They didn’t need anything after Angle said why he was at the game.

So, 16 segments, about half of which contained any homegrown talent, and two of those were Abyss. Only Abyss and the guys in the main event ended up looking good. Ludicrous. It’s a big show boys, ending it with Samoa Joe getting a clean pin over a glorified jobber is NOT enough to put over your unique talent. The X Division has been minimised so much up to now that 3D burying it is not a surprise, but it’s dumb. You have to distinguish yourself in this business, and that kooky ring just ain’t doing it. They don’t even use it in innovative ways (like and 8-man match with a man in each corner waiting for a tag and 2 in the ring…God I hope Russo isn’t reading this) and most of the time when I’m watching, I hardly remember it’s different unless there’s a cage around it. I might go to the bar and watch the PPV, and I’ll probably watch next week to see if the go-home show is any better, but patience…running…thin…

The Way I C The E
Confucius he say: Man who put all eggs in one basket should be wary of hiptoss. Having already put out Lashley, Mr Kennedy……Kennedy has turned into a modern-day Owen Hart by putting out Cena as well. Except, kayfabe, he didn’t. Missed opportunity to push Kennedy as a guy who takes out people above him to push himself up the ladder. Cena would want to beat up Orton when he came back anyway, so giving the injury angle to Kennedy would have given a fresh feud to the fans. D’oh!

So, the big question is, who’s facing who at No Mercy? By the time you read this, that answer will be known. If it’s Jericho-Orton, I doubt he wins the title. They will likely want him to chase. If it’s Jericho and others, then Jericho may well win and feud with Orton after Orton beats his other opponents the next night on Raw. Other possibles: HHH, a turned Kennedy, Edge returning, Kane, Big Dick Johnson, Vince, HHH, Jeff Hardy, JBL and HHH. You might see Triple H in there too.

Jesse and Festus finally had a match. Festus is using the Delirious gimmick (RoH gimmicks make it big AGAIN), while Jesse plays Face in Peril. Possibly. CHAD COLLYER SIGHTING!!1!!!one!!!

MVP and Matt Hardy continue to deliver. I’ve said it before, though: this program should be for the World title. The fans are so into both of these guys, way more than they will ever be for Batista-Khali.

Speaking of Khali, he really has improved. Of course, he couldn’t get any worse…

Poor Punk. Unless he busts out the Anaconda Vise or gets a rollup, his title run is over. Criminal misuse. He should be a heel feuding with a face MVP on Smackdown.

Pop quiz: name the last black WWE Heavyweight champion.

The Way I C ROH

***WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS***

NIGEL! NIGEL! NIGEL! About damn time. Now maybe they will let him get a few moves back.

The Danielson – Aries series promises to be awesome, but it’s pulling the Resilience out of the Gen Next War. Which disappoints me. The first match being an MOTYC does not surprise me in the least.

Breaking up Steenerico makes me happy in the pants. More top rope BRAINBUSTAH!!!~!s please. Feuding these two would rule.

Am I alone in wanting the Pure title to return? As I said earlier, you need something to distinguish yourself in this business, and the Pure title would do just that. Drop it on Brent Allbright and let him elevate it like Nigel did.

Well folks, that’s it for another week. I’m off to hit the 360 (NBA Live 08, not Halo 3…Go Raptors!!) and decide if I’m ordering the PPV tonight. Since my boy Punk is going to get beaten up badly, it’s not looking good.