The Way I C It 10.22.07: Smooth Moves, Volume 1

I get a lot of flak for this, and I will probably get more now, but is anyone else tired of seeing half-dressed women on a wrestling show? If they can wrestle, it’s forgiveable, though I’d still prefer to see them at least semi-dressed. People like SkeleTorrie Wilson, Christy Hemme and Maria, who have little to no ability in the ring, should either be relegated to valet and interviewer duties or not on the air at all, and would it kill them to dress a little? If I want porn, I’ll go online.

Maria’s hot though. Poor CM Punk.

This week, I want to do something a little different: the first in a series of articles concentrating on a specific move. Where it came from, who uses it, variations, famous uses, and so on. And since I love seeing people getting dropped on their heads, and Halloween is coming up, likely with a champion who uses it…

The Way I C It Special Edition – The Tombstone Piledriver

*gasp* Relevance! Whatever will he think of next?

The Tombstone was first seen in the WWF when the Undertaker debuted at Survivor Series in 1990, used at the time to put out Koko B Ware. If memory serves, he also eliminated someone in the match with a slingshot suplex. However, this was far from the first time the move had been used.

The history of the move is sketchy at best, as numerous Japanese wrestlers lay claim to inventing it. The first person I recall using it in North America was, believe it or not, Sean Waltman, when he was the Lightning Kid in the old GWF. Hard to believe that drugged-up little greaseball was good for anything except coining the term “X-Pac Heat”. From there it was adopted by Taker, Kane, Mongo McMichael, Lance Storm, Justin Credible and, occasionally, Tommy Dreamer and Dean Malenko.

The Tombstone lends itself to a number if different variations, some of which deserve their own column, like the “Island Driver” / Emerald Fusion. The most prominent of the virtually-identical variants, though, is the Fire Thunder Driver, invented by Japanese innovator Mr Gannosuke, which is also known as the K Driller and, more recently, the Kishi Driver. This variant gained notoriety when Owen Hart used it to break Steve Austin’s neck in the scariest in-match moment I have ever seen. See it here:

Man. That has to be freaky, knowing something is seriously fudged up in your neck. Rikishi would briefly bring back this move when he first debuted, using it in a couple of squashes and to save Too Cool from a beatdown. It looked incredibly brutal when he did it, and I mark out for him doing it even now in TNA.

The first memorable use of a Tombstone was exactly one year after Undertaker debuted, at Survivor Series ’91, which featured Hulk Hogan in “His Gravest Challenge” against the yet-to-be-defeated ‘Taker. ‘Taker had Hogan up for the Tombstone, and I remember my brother and I watching the match and expecting him to hit it, then Hulk to sit up and kick some bad guy ass. Oh, what marks we were. Then along comes Ric Flair and slides a chair under Hogan’s head just before impact, which at the time made me cringe. Now, of course, it’s commonplace to see people dropped on their heads on chairs.
This led to Taker’s first title reign, which would last all of 5 days (this was back when Survivor Series was still held on Thanksgiving night) until Tuesday in Texas.

When the Undertaker hit the Tombstone, it was lights out. Up until the epic match between him and Kane at Wrestlemania XIV, nobody had kicked out of this move, including the Undertaker himself when Kane hit him with it in the first-ever Hell in a Cell match with HBK. It took 3 Tombstones to put Kane away, and even then it was a VERY close count.

I searched high and low for it, but I couldn’t find a clip of this next one, and my memory on the surrounding circumstances is kind of sketchy, so feel free to provide more details, and forgive me any errors. In the heyday of ECW, a fairly heavy feud involved Francine turning on Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer decides the best way to get revenge is to turn her upside down for a Tombstone, but before dropping her, make like he is…well, eating her out. During this, rather more than normal of Francine popped out. Then he bounces her off her skull. This may have been Beulah instead of Francine, as I was able to find a clip of Dreamer giving Beulah a regular piledriver, but I have clear memories of a Tombstone too.

Reaching further back into my memory, I have a vague recollection of Sting and a Japanese wrestler (Chono?) going back and forth with reversals for the tombstone, before Sting hit it HARD. I can’t remember enough on this though.

Some of the nastiest examples of the move have been done by Justin Credible, including numerous second-rope ones. Again, I wasn’t able to find any clips, but if you can, it’s well worth the look. Also, in the fabled Lance Storm – Bryan Danielson RoH title match from Better then our Best, Storm hits the Tombstone for a ridiculously close near fall. If you’ve only ever seen Storm in WWE and WCW, you need to order this DVD and watch this match, which took place a year after Storm retired. It’s a classic.

Gradually, with a 400 + pounder doing the move and Austin’s injury, the Tombstone became used less and less. It is at the point now in the WWE where VERY few wrestlers are allowed to use the move, most notably Kane and The Undertaker. The risk is just too great of a serious neck injury for just anyone to be able to bust it out. In fact, the Tombstone was one of the first moves to be legit banned from in-ring use in the WWE, though this was never announced on air. There has been speculation that this banning came about as a result of Taker jealously guarding the move as his own, obviously allowing Kane the use of it, but the fact is that several people just refused to take it from anyone but these two guys, who have a reputation for being 2 of the safest workers in the business.

And that, in a nutshell, is the Tombstone. In the nest couple of weeks I’ll go on to another move that is on WWE’s Banned List, but with a variation that is used by a current WWE superstar. Email me and guess what it is, and I’ll mention your name in the column, as well as get your thoughts on the move.

The Way I C The E

Bye bye Booker. While it was good to hear that the parting was amicable, I think Booker is being a bit childish here. Of course he’s going to deny taking steroids, but equally, WWE had no choice but to suspend him. For him to take his ball and go home with that as a main cause rankles with me.
The big story of the week is the apparent re-re-redeath of ECW, with Smackdown lending talent and the shows going live on the Interwebs. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. As long as Burke, Punk, Thorn, Stryker, Miz and Morrison come out of it with jobs on one of the two brands, I’m happy.
WWE take a page out of TNA’s book this week, giving away the first-ever MVP-Misterio (and I think the first Orton-Kennedy) match with no build and no finish. 0 buys!
Are we back to the faction days of WWE with no match having a finish? All we need is a resurgence of the Nation, Los Boricuas, and DOA! Hey look Magnus, Crap to which you can Cut!
Will someone please just put a World strap on a Hardy? They are so over they could team with X-Pac and get cheers.
Dear Smackdown, Please find a main eventer not named Batista.

The Way I C The T

YAY!!!! TNA is coming to Canada!!! Oh wait, Québec? For all 3 shows? Never mind.
Kaz over Hoyt? Can you say push? Wow. Who gets to squash him?
So 3D are going to kill the X Division? For no reason? Gee, where have I heard that before? Didn’t Nash threaten that? I guess this is just the excuse for the MCMG-3D feud, but did they really need one? Better question: do we need this feud?
Is there a better hoss than Lance Hoyt? I like this guy, sorry. And despite what some people think, Jimmy Rave has charisma. He was more over in RoH than almost anyone you can name, just look at the volume of TP thrown at the guy.
The news of several high-up names sitting down to complain about company direction warms my heart. I hope something (*cough*FIRE RUSSO*cough*) comes of it.
Reportedly, several mid-card guys are unhappy in TNA right now. GO BACK TO ROH, GUYS!
Minor spoiler: Do NOT watch Impact this week. You will cry.

The Way I C RoH

Chris FREAKIN Hero. Can’t wait to read Hero’s Sandwich next Saturday. The man DOMINATED SotF, not just won it. I will be buying that DVD the second it is available.
McGuinness-Danielson went the limit, and they really couldn’t have done anything else. Either man losing would have been a huge blow, and neither of them needed to win the tourney.
By all accounts, Human Tornado was not blow-em-away in his RoH début weekend. I’ve seen very little of him, so I will withhold judgement.
The Briscoes lost to Age of the Fall, which is questionable booking IMO, but RoH has a history of doing these angles correctly. We shall see.

It was a humbling experience making my Fact or Fiction début this week against the man, the myth, the legend that is Bayani. Truth B Told vs The Way I C It, see what Larry did there? Still, being in the same column with that calibre of writer has really opened my eyes. Keep an eye out for more of me in the communal staff stuff, if you can bear it.

In closing, thoughts go out to Lawrence “Lex Luger” Pfohl. Despite the questionable things he’s been up to of late, nobody should suffer a stroke.

Game, Set and Match boys and girls. Feedback, as always, is welcome. Until next week…

Lansdellicious – Out.