411’s Instant Access 12.16.07: WWE Armageddon 2007

United States Championship Match
MVP (Champion) vs. Rey Mysterio
Match Result: Rey Mysterio defeats MVP by count-out.
Match Length: 11:30
Match Analysis: Really? Really? A count-out in the OPENING MATCH of a pay-per-view? Really? You bet your sweet ass I’ll have something to say about that, but first let me mention all the good things about this match. The actual in-ring action was more than acceptable, and one of the main reasons I buy a pay-per-view is to see some great in-ring action. So you know that eleven and a half minutes of non-stop wrestling will always make me happy. In addition, I have to give Mysterio a ton of credit for finding some fascinating ways to vary his offense after tweaking his knee half way through the match. That slingshot moonsault variation of the West Coast Pop was a nice reminder of how innovative Rey Mysterio can still be when he needs to be. My only complaint about the in-ring action was the fact that MVP really didn’t adapt his usual offense to exploit his size and strength advantage over Mysterio. We’re used to seeing guys like The Great Khali and Mark Henry overpower Mysterio, but they do that to everyone. I love when a wrestler who is usually the smaller man in a match actually has the presence of mind to play the big man when he’s in the ring with Mysterio. Shawn Michaels did an amazing job of this in his match with Mysterio at the Eddie Guerrero Tribute episode of Raw. But as I said, all in all, there was very little to complain about in regard to the actual in-ring action. But then we came to THE FREAKING COUNT-OUT. Yes, that’s right, a count-out. In the opening match. Of a pay-per-view. There are moments when WWE makes me want to poke myself with a sharp object. However, that little rant aside, I ALMOST understand why the match had to end like that. MVP needs to retain the United States Championship until Matt Hardy is healthy enough to return to action. The MVP / Matt Hardy feud has been building for almost half a year, and the fans are going to go BANANAS when Hardy FINALLY defeats MVP for the title. So I’m totally on board with MVP retaining the title here. However, I also understand that it might make Mysterio look bad if he were to lose clean to MVP. And so, given the specific circumstances surrounding this match, maybe the count-out was the best solution. So I suppose the real problem with the booking was not the count-out finish but rather the fact that WWE booked a pay-per-view match that almost had to end in a count-out. Because if you can’t find a way to book a clean finish to a match, then you have no business booking that match on pay-per-view.
Match Rating: **½

CM Punk & Kane vs. Big Daddy V & Mark Henry
Match Result: Big Daddy V defeats CM Punk with a Samoan Drop.
Match Length: 10:39
Match Analysis: This match was surprisingly better than I thought it would be. I mean, it was far from great and maybe not even good, but it was also far better than it should have been given the fact that in featured Big Daddy V and Mark Henry. All four men seemed to want to put on a good show, and Punk did a great job of playing up the fact that he was stuck in the ring with a bunch of freaking monsters. Big Daddy V pinned Punk cleanly in the middle of the ring, and now you have to assume that Big Daddy V will be considered the Number One Contender for Punk’s ECW World Heavyweight Championship. Personally, I would much rather see Elijah Burke, John Morrison, or even The Miz receive title shots, but we’ve known for months that Big Daddy V is on a collision course with the ECW Championship. Anyway, I’m guessing that we’ll see CM Punk defend the championship against Big Daddy V either on ECW in the upcoming weeks or at the Royal Rumble at the very latest. And while I will cry the day that Big Daddy V becomes the ECW Champion, the title change may also free up CM Punk to move on to bigger and better things at WrestleMania 24.
Match Rating: **

Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy
Match Result: Shawn Michaels defeats Mr. Kennedy with Sweet Chin Music.
Match Length: 15:16
Match Analysis: Watching Shawn Michaels perform is one of the last great pleasures in being a fan of professional wrestling. Michaels continues to evolve and adapt in order to continue to steal the show, and his latest innovation is bringing back fundamental wrestling and solid psychology. Michaels and Orton used the stipulations better than anyone expected during their match at Survivor Series, and the psychology and in-ring story telling was no less impressive in this match. Unlike so many Superstars who hit big move after big move with no master plan in mind, Michaels went right to work on Kennedy’s left hand. And seriously, think about it. Yeah, we’ve seen guys work on their opponent’s back or arm or leg, but when was the last time you say a guy specifically go after his opponent’s hand? For his part, Kennedy did an admirable job of selling the injury throughout the match. There were a number of instances when I expected to see him abandon the selling, but he always found a way to continue to emphasize the damage that Michaels had done. The end of the match saw Michaels catch Kennedy with Sweet Chin Music after Kennedy made the mistake of punching Michaels with his injured hand, and I have to believe that was a nod to Michaels’ match with Orton in which Orton caught Michaels with the RKO when Michaels made the mistake of almost going for Sweet Chin Music. Now I’m sure that somebody is going to bitch and moan about the fact that Michaels went over Kennedy, but I’m completely fine with that decision. You can’t ALWAYS put the young gun over the veteran just for the sake of giving him the rub. There’s a time a place for the young lion to get the win. Randy Orton’s wins over RVD, Michaels, and Dusty Rhodes earlier this year were great examples of that. But right now Mr. Kennedy is going nowhere while Shawn Michaels continues to be one of the most dependably entertaining guys on the roster. And at the end of the day, you can’t fault a promotion for giving some credibility to a proven commodity. Even if some people already are calling him the greatest wrestler of all time.
Match Rating: ***¼

Dude, HBK just killed Michael Buffer with Sweet Chin Music during the Royal Rumble commercial. I will mark for HBK until the day I die.

Number One Contender Match
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
Match Result: Jeff Hardy defeats Triple H when he counters the Pedigree into a jackknife pin.
Match Length: 15:24
Match Analysis: So I’m totally on board with Jeff Hardy winning this match and earning a WWE Championship Match at the Royal Rumble. Do I expect him to win that match? Oh HELL no. But I still think it could be a phenomenal opportunity for him to prove once and for all that he deserves to be a main eventer. Think about Chris Benoit at Royal Rumble 2003. Sure, he lost the WWE Championship Match to Kurt Angle. But he stole the freaking show. He got a standing ovation, and in my mind it was his match at Royal Rumble 2003 that earned Chris Benoit the main event at WrestleMania XX. So I’m totally looking forward to seeing Jeff Hardy’s performance next month at the Royal Rumble. As for this match, I actually thought it was a bit underwhelming. Triple H and Jeff Hardy didn’t seem to click quite as well as they could have, but the real problem was that the crowd was absolutely DEAD for the match. WWE fans usually go APE SHIT for both Triple H and Jeff Hardy, so the last thing I expected was for them to fall asleep with both of those guys in the ring. Hmm, maybe there is a reason it’s best to book face / heel matches instead of face / face matches… Anyway, my only other real problem with the match was the strange little smile on Triple H’s face after Hardy got the pin. I wouldn’t have minded if Triple H had been shocked at Hardy’s victory, but that smile seemed to imply that Hardy’s victory was only a fluke. At least Jay Lethal won gold with his “fluke” win…
Match Rating: ***

Finlay w/ Hornswoggle vs. The Great Khali
Match Result: Finlay defeats The Great Khali with a shillelagh shot to the head after Hornswoggle hit The Great Khali with a shillelagh shot to the nuts.
Match Length: 6:00
Match Analysis: Um, was there a point here? Seriously, was there any sort of point to this? All this match did was establish that Khali is a monster and that Hornswoggle likes to help Finlay. And I’m pretty sure we all knew both of those things before the match anyway. This was just a special kind of useless. Neither Finlay nor Khali looks any better or any worse than he did coming into the match, and the booking on Smackdown can more or less proceed as if this match had never occurred. And that may be the most damnable failure of which a pay-per-view match is capable. Sure, I’d like for all pay-per-view matches to have great in-ring action, but it’s almost more important for them to be important and have a clear, definite impact on future booking and storylines. A pay-per-view is supposed to be a showcase of significant matches, but this match was the very epitome of insignificant.
Match Rating: ½*

WWE Championship Match
Randy Orton (Champion) vs. Chris Jericho
Match Result: Chris Jericho defeats Randy Orton by disqualification when JBL rushes into the ring and breaks up the Walls of Jericho with a boot to Jericho’s head.
Match Length: 15:08
Match Analysis: For those of you keeping score at home, this would be our second BULL SHIT finish in our second title match of the night. Hell, for those of you really keeping score at home, so far we’ve had one count-out, one disqualification, one roll-up, one nut shot, and only two actual clean finishes in the first six matches of the show. WWE makes my head hurt. Anyway, this match was going perfectly well until, you know, THE COLOR GUY FROM THE OTHER SHOW JUMPED INTO THE RING. I won’t say that Jericho and Orton were setting the world on fire, but Jericho certainly looked pretty good for not having wrestled on pay-per-view in more than two years. However, you have to question if Orton was the best opponent for Jericho in his first big match. I mean, Orton is one of those guys that’s best when he’s in the ring with someone who can guide him through the match, and it might not have been a bad idea for Jericho to also be in the ring with a proven commodity in his return match. But like I said, all things being said and done, Orton and Jericho were actually doing pretty well in there. You know, until THE COLOR GUY FROM THE OTHER SHOW JUMPED INTO THE RING. WTF? Seriously, WTF? I understand that Orton needed to retain the title here. WWE couldn’t afford to bury him by having him lose the title to Jericho this early in Jericho’s return. And you need to have a heel champion in order to build a compelling story for Jeff Hardy’s title shot at the Royal Rumble. But unlike the show’s first match where I thought you MIGHT have needed a screwy finish in order to protect both challenger and champion, in this case I don’t think having Orton pin Jericho would have been disastrous. I mean, just last month Shawn Michaels lost cleanly to Orton, and he seems to be doing just fine. And really, why the hell WOULDN’T you want to put over your freaking champion cleanly? But then, even if WWE did feel the need to protect both Orton and Jericho with the DQ finish, why the hell did JBL have to get involved? I mean, is that SERIOUSLY the best that creative could come up with? THE COLOR GUY FROM THE OTHER SHOW? It’s not like you can build a feud around Jericho / JBL. I mean, fuck, you could have had Kennedy run in and kick Jericho in the head to build towards Jericho / Kennedy at the Royal Rumble. But JBL? JBF’NL? Fuck that.
Match Rating: ***

WWE Women’s Championship Match
Beth Phoenix (Champion) vs. Mickie James
Match Result: Beth Phoenix defeats Mickie James with a fisherman’s suplex.
Match Length: 4:48
Match Analysis: Well, that was… just… wrong. Just plain wrong. Mickie James is by far the most credible challenger available to Beth Phoenix, and Mickie / Beth may just be the most compelling feud possible in today’s WWE Women’s Division. But in order for that feud to continue to be not just completing but even plausible, then Mickie has to AT LEAST continue to look like some sort of threat to Beth’s championship. I can understand if WWE didn’t want to put the belt on Mickie here. I mean, I totally would have given Mickie the win if it were up to me, but I can understand if WWE wants to run with Beth for a while. But there was no reason to freaking bury Mickie like this. This was a glorified Heat squash match. And what did it accomplish? Beth doesn’t really look that much stronger, but Mickie looks a whole lot weaker. And now there’s really nobody to challenge Beth until Candice Michelle is ready to return to action. I completely agree with MVP and Randy Orton retaining their championships in the night’s first two title matches (even if I do disagree with the ways in which they retained). But this was the match when I though that having the challenger win the title really would have served the best interests of the championship.
Match Rating: *

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Batista (Champion) vs. The Undertaker vs. Edge
Match Result: Edge defeats Batista with a chair shot to the Undertaker after the Undertaker hit Batista with the Tombstone Piledriver.
Match Length: 13:04
Match Analysis: Okay, there’s no way to begin without mentioning the fact that there were THREE EDGES involved in this match. That’s right, THREE EDGES. Two indy goofs who looked like Edge and were wearing his ring gear popped up during the match and took bumps for him so that the real Edge could rest, pick his spot, and steal the World Heavyweight Championship. I shit you not. THREE EDGES. I just don’t really know what else there is to say. WWE took what could have been a good-to-great match and FUCKED it with, that’s right, THREE EDGES. When the fuck are wrestling promotions going to learn that the fans just want to see some wrestling? We just want to see two or three guys get in the ring and FUCKING WRESTLE. It’s not rocket science, folks. But yeah, so anyway, now Edge is once again the World Heavyweight Championship. The rumor is that WWE want so build towards Edge vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania, so I’m guessing that Edge will hold the belt until then. For his part, Taker can spend the next four months stalking Edge and causing him to wet himself at inopportune moments. The real question is what you do with Batista. He has been the focus of the World Heavyweight Championship scene for most of 2007 regardless of if he was wearing the belt at the time or not, but it seems as though the title may be out of reach for the near future. He’s already plowed through Khali, and MVP is wrapped up with Matt Hardy and / or Rey Mysterio. I’m starting to think the rumored move back to Raw may be the best thing for Batista after all.
Match Rating: **½